The Mind Is a Liar: How to Question Your Thoughts Before They Take Root

What if most of your thoughts aren’t actually true?
In this cozy Sunday morning conversation, Megan and Nate settle in with their coffee to unpack one of the most powerful ideas they’ve encountered lately: your thoughts are seeds — and you get to choose whether you’re planting flowers or weeds.
Inspired by a Kabbalah-based podcast and the science of the mind, they explore why we think 60,000–80,000 thoughts a day (and most of them are recycled and flat-out false), how to pause a negative thought before it becomes a belief, and what equanimity — one of Megan’s new favorite words — actually means for everyday life.
They also get real and a little unfiltered: Nate admits he’s been avoiding his firefighter homework all week, Megan nearly gets hit by two cars on a Friday night walk, and both of them practice live thought processing in real time. (It goes about as well as you’d expect.)
Whether you’re sober-curious, faith-rooted, or just trying to stop spiraling over the driver who cut you off — this episode is a gentle reminder that you are not your thoughts, joy is your birthright, and suffering is optional.
Topics covered:
Thought awareness, Kabbalah philosophy, nervous system regulation, sober living, equanimity, faith and joy, procrastination, mindfulness

Welcome to The Dry Life- Alcohol -Free Lifestyle, Marriage Growth In Sobriety, the podcast where one real couple gets honest about sobriety, personal growth, and everything in between. Join us — a husband and wife duo — as we share our sobriety journey, including the raw ups and downs, the unexpected benefits of alcohol-free living, and the lifelong learning that has transformed our lives and our marriage. Whether you’re sober curious, newly sober, or years into your recovery journey, this podcast is your reminder that life after alcohol can be full, rich, and deeply rewarding. Each week we dive into real conversations about sober living, self-development, mindset shifts, and the daily commitment it takes to keep growing. If you’re looking for a sobriety podcast that goes beyond just quitting drinking and explores what it truly means to thrive, you’re in the right place.

Transcript

SPEAKER_01 0:00

Good morning. Morning. Good afternoon. Good evening.

SPEAKER_00 0:05

Yeah, I guess wherever you are.

SPEAKER_01 0:07

Yeah. Well, they're not gonna listen to it like right away once we post it. I mean maybe some will, but maybe they'll listen to it in a couple days. It's Sunday here. We're just having coffee in our sunroom. Talking about thoughts.

SPEAKER_00 0:25

So what are you thinking about today?

SPEAKER_01 0:28

Well, I was just thinking about my tennis elbow and it's hurting.

SPEAKER_00 0:37

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 0:37

And I was also thinking about the kitchen as I put away the clean dishes that you so enjoyed washing last night.

SPEAKER_00 0:51

Yeah. No, I really enjoyed it. I leaned into it.

SPEAKER_01 0:54

Yeah. He even said, What did you say? I'm enjoying this. I'm taking my time.

SPEAKER_00 1:05

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 1:06

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 1:07

Which is great. So why are we talking about thoughts?

SPEAKER_01 1:14

Well, I excuse me. I have had this learned this kind of notion or this um idea the last year that our mind is kind of a liar. And so when I say that, I just mean stuff you think isn't necessarily the truth. And then I've also heard we only really know like one percent of the truth. And like the rest of the 99% is you don't really know. Like what is the truth? It could be our truth, it could be somebody else's truth. Um, and then I heard I listened to another podcast called The Weekly Energy Boost. It's um based on Kabbalah, which I'm sort of obsessed with, because I want to be Jewish. I just think that the Jewish religion is very beautiful, and studying Kabbalah is um very interesting, and I really align with a lot of the ideas. I mean it just feels good to think the way they think. And um so the weekly energy boost is every week they put out an episode, and and the episode this week, which I had Nate listen to part of it, was talking about your thoughts, and I'm so sorry, yawning. Um and one thing that one of the hosts said, she said they have like a sign in their neighborhood and it says, Your thoughts are seeds. Are you planting flowers or are you planting weeds? And so the idea of the episode pretty much was um talking about how you you have a thought, and the sooner you um question that thought, or what's the word I want to say? Like the validity, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 3:50

Knowledge, the thought.

SPEAKER_01 3:51

Yeah, like what like is it true? Is that really true? Where did I hear that? Why am I thinking that? Because once you have a thought, uh, it becomes a seed, and then if it's a negative thought or something negative you've heard about yourself, other people, it's it's like why are you thinking that? You must have seen it somewhere, you must have heard it somewhere, but is it really true? And you want to stop your thoughts before you plant them, and it becomes like a belief or something. Because the idea with Kabbalah, and actually, you know, we're Christian. Um, I don't think God wants us to have a negative view of us or anybody else. At least that's the kind of person I am, the kind of Christian I am. So it really couldn't be true. And even if somebody argues that, well, this, this, and this prove that why plant a weed? Why not go with the light and go with the positive and you know what I'm saying? Are you following me? Yes. Maybe you can clarify or well, I think I think just going back to um when the when a thought pops in your head, yeah, it um basic, I mean you're you we're we're wasting some time to try to um confirm the validity of it, um, but these thoughts do not define you. Do you think it's really wasting time?

SPEAKER_00 5:59

Sometimes, yeah. Because like sometimes a thought will pop in my head and I'll quickly identify what it is and then spend time ruminating on it.

SPEAKER_01 6:14

I mean it Okay, but what I'm saying is spend time questioning it, like that's not a waste of time because then I I just wonder about how long is that time frame for you to identify that it's not worth dwelling on. It could be very fast, right? And then you then you move on, yeah, and then you don't plant that thought seed, right? And then um, but we're thinking, I guess, 60 to 80,000 thoughts a day, and a lot of them are the same, um, and a lot of them are just not true, not based in truth, and that comes back to I think we can relate that to um drinking too, because if you're thinking, I mean, I used to think, oh, it's been such a stressful day. I deserve to drink, to go out, and just numb. And you know, what if you stopped right there and said, okay, today has been, you know, it's had its challenges, but you know, what am I grateful for? And hey, I've got it pretty good, and I'm gonna maybe go out and walk, or you know, spend time chatting with my partner, or you know, spend time playing a game with my kids, or you know, and and a lot of times I think I understand where you're coming from, but it um a lot of times that's easier said than done, but to your point, it if you um kind of practice this, it becomes part of you.

SPEAKER_00 8:21

Um you realize that you're um you're worthy of of joyfulness and and embracing the good thoughts. Um that's when it clicks, I think, and it really begins working with for you. Um Yeah, and again, I I think um what I've kind of read and learned is that these weird thoughts coming from left field, they pass into your they come into your head, and you just let them pass by. Because they're not really you. And the science of thoughts is just I mean, it's fascinating. I don't think we'll ever figure those out. Why they come, what are they I mean obviously the basic ones are, you know, sur survival, self-preservation. Um I think a lot is like what's happened in the past. Um and some are reactive. Um they're just put upon you, and if you don't deal with it correctly, um they can kind of disrupt your day.

SPEAKER_01 9:45

Like what give an example?

SPEAKER_00 9:48

Like if you are driving and somebody cuts you off, is that gonna ruin your day? Or you just kinda kind of let it go.

SPEAKER_01 9:58

Yeah, so what's the process there? Somebody cuts you off. Do you fe sometimes you feel it physical because you're whoa, like you're startled. And then you're like, oh, what a jerk. But instead, maybe oh, maybe he didn't see me. Well, he didn't hit me. Well, yeah, that's good. Yeah. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 10:21

And then uh he didn't this person did not, man or woman, did not cause an accident. That's good. And then why did this happen? Maybe there's a good reason. I don't know. Maybe it doesn't matter.

SPEAKER_01 10:46

And then you just actually, as I I have an example to a little story time. Remember, I was telling you, so Friday night I got off of work at 8, and usually I take the Skyway to the parking garage, but I was like, oh, I've been working for 12 hours inside. I just want to get some fresh air. So um there's stoplights where I can cross the street outside and then go in the parking garage that way, and I was like, oh, it's so great. And I was taking some deep breaths in and looking up at the stars and just waiting for the walk sign. The walk sign came and I started to go, and two, not one, cars almost hit me. Like, I mean, I was wearing like a black jacket, but they were not looking for me at all. And actually, like the first guy like saw me and then just like waved, like, oh, I'm just gonna go. And then the second guy just like almost hit me, and I was like, What the hell? Like, I got mad, and I was like, found myself going down this road, like, what is wrong with people? And I was just like, that is so not me to be like, what is wrong with people? Like, I feel like I'm like when I see people with shirts that say like I don't like humans, I only like dogs, or like people suck, or I just I do not like those shirts because I just think it's like they think it's funny, whatever, but I just think it's a really bad um way to go about life. Because I mean, unless you're gonna go live out in the wilderness, you're gonna have to, you know, be alongside people and work together with people. And um by the time I got to my car, I was like, oh, I'm wearing black. They probably didn't see me. Like, thank god I wasn't like looking at my phone, and then I got to thinking, like, even later, like yesterday, I was like, I totally understand how pedestrians can get hit. Because, like, I mean, I would have been dead if I was not paying attention because they were just like they had a green left on green and they were they didn't have an arrow, but they were just going, they were in a rush, going somewhere, they didn't see me, and um yeah, so I had like calmed down a little bit and stopped that thought from once I had that thought, like what is wrong with people, then I was like, Whoa, I don't I even said it out loud to myself, and then I was like, okay, wait, I gotta think, I gotta walk this back because uh that doesn't it just like alarmed me because it didn't sound like the kind of person I am, like yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 13:54

Uh I I was I was definitely listening to listening to you, but here's a here's a perfect I was I was I mean now I looked at blank face I had I had heard the story before. Okay, so you were tuning out. No, but I did have a moment here. If we're sharing, it just happened. It happened. I was listening to you, but one of these thoughts came in my head, it provoked an emotion, and here I am. Long story short, I'm a volunteer firefighter, I'm taking a new class, and there is some reading to do, and there are some quizzes, and I haven't really done a darn thing. Out of the blue, it just came into my head. I felt the emotion. Now what?

SPEAKER_01 14:57

Here I thought he was gonna say he thought what would he do if he lost me? No, he wasn't even thinking about me getting hit by a car. He was thinking about um, okay, so yeah, let's unpack that.

SPEAKER_00 15:11

So let's enough about you, Megan.

SPEAKER_01 15:16

Okay, so wait, I had the thought now that he doesn't give a crap about me. So how can I Okay that's that's a no, this is live thought processing. I know that's not true. Right, honey? What? What thought? That you don't give a crap about me.

SPEAKER_00 15:38

Oh, right.

SPEAKER_01 15:40

No, I give a crap about you. Okay. So, um, anyway. I'm gonna not plant that seed, and then we'll move on to your your quiz. So, what was your thought? Were you thinking I'm a procrastinator? I'm bad. Or did you not?

SPEAKER_00 16:02

I just had this emotion of bad. Bad neat. Yeah. And then I analyzed that for a half a second, and I thought, why? Well, because every day for the past week I've been thinking about this, and I have not acted upon it. So instead of saying, get your shit together, start doing this, my thought was once I start doing it, I'm gonna feel better about the situation. And the next time that random thought comes in about that, I'm gonna be like, look, dude, I'm already I'm already starting this, and I'm progressing.

SPEAKER_01 16:58

So do you have like a time that you're gonna do it?

SPEAKER_00 17:02

Yeah, um, actually I was at my favorite place, the library, yesterday. Nerd! Looking at stuff, yeah, gosh. It's the house of books. Okay, anyway, yeah. Moving on.

SPEAKER_01 17:16

Um anyway, I I was going to the library today.

SPEAKER_00 17:21

No, I was working. Sundays are a day of rest from the library.

SPEAKER_01 17:26

Okay.

SPEAKER_00 17:26

Um, mostly because they're closed.

SPEAKER_01 17:29

The Sabbath.

SPEAKER_00 17:30

Yeah. Uh, but anyway, I was was working on it. I did a little bit with it, but I gotta do more.

SPEAKER_01 17:38

So and I will say, you have been doing a lot for working on my new venture. So I appreciate that.

SPEAKER_00 17:49

Go to glimpse love.com.

SPEAKER_01 17:51

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 17:52

So my new um breathwork uh business.

SPEAKER_01 17:57

And it's so much more than breathwork, but anyway, so you've been doing a lot of work there, and you did some work in the basement. Yep. And um Yeah, and I felt good about that.

SPEAKER_00 18:10

Because that's another thing that I've been dreading.

SPEAKER_01 18:13

Yeah, I and actually today when I woke up, I had the thought that I need to, and you're usually good about this, but there's so many things like we I need to make dentist appointments for the whole family. Um, because we're gonna look like we're from the UK pretty soon. Sorry, UK listeners. I don't know, you guys must not have good dental care there, but um, maybe it's getting better. It's a myth.

SPEAKER_00 18:41

Oh, it is. Yeah, think think of all your favorite English actors. Aside from Austin Powers.

SPEAKER_01 18:51

He's not even English. He's not even a real. Well, I think of Jude Law. Does he have nice teeth?

SPEAKER_00 18:59

Oh, yeah.

SPEAKER_01 19:00

Okay. Benedict Cumber Bunch.

SPEAKER_00 19:04

Yep.

SPEAKER_01 19:06

Okay. Um, so anyway, I was thinking I need to just make a list. So I think that's what we should both do, is just make a list. Because once you write it down, sometimes the thoughts stop coming to your head because you have it down.

SPEAKER_00 19:27

Like I have the first step toward recovery from procrastination.

SPEAKER_01 19:38

Okay.

SPEAKER_00 19:40

Yeah, putting it on paper.

SPEAKER_01 19:41

Oh, okay. So, um, what else do we want to think about thoughts? Oh, the other thing that they said on this um weekly energy boost podcast was that one way you can kind of check the validity of the thought is if it brings you down a negative path, then it's not true. Because if you believe in a higher power or you know, the universe, God, the creator, the divine, they would never want you to go down the negative. They want you to. I mean, some thoughts they might be tough, but any thought that's gonna produce negativity and not prosperity is probably not a true thought. It's and some people go as far to say as it's like the devil or the what's another word for that? I don't want to say like there's an actual devil, but yeah, I um I guess I can see that to a certain extent.

SPEAKER_00 21:07

I've always um thought that the bad feeling I got from not doing my homework um was like a wake-up call and it served a purpose. Now, within a matter of time I turned it around into how can I how can I exercise the demons? Um so yeah, I'm with you. Uh but I also think they serve a purpose um to a certain extent.

SPEAKER_01 21:49

So maybe as you have the negative thought, you stop it there, and it can still serve that same purpose without bringing you down this road of shame. It can say, oh, this is obviously something that is important to me. And I'm gonna stop right here and not get down on myself, but I'm gonna come up with a plan. Yeah.

unknown 22:18

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 22:19

I mean, I I see a theme of procrastination in your thoughts. Is that do you ever have other thoughts like?

SPEAKER_00 22:28

Um it's completely empty, void of any thought. But I mean, uh, you know, the other piece here is that thoughts lead to emotion. And is it gonna be a positive one or a negative one? Or can it go negative and then bring back to positive? And the other thing, I mean, you you make a really good point about uh we were not put on this earth to suffer. We go through a lot that are that's out of our control, but and not not to go down the religious end of things, but somebody explained it to me really well that and here we are. It's okay to go down the religious thing. No, I know, I know, but that's not the centerpiece of our our podcast. But then again, we've talked about all kinds of other things. Um but we can't be chained, honey. Here comes my point.

SPEAKER_01 23:29

No holds barred. We've got to be free. Okay, go ahead.

SPEAKER_00 23:32

Are you ready to listen to the side?

SPEAKER_01 23:33

I am I'm listening.

SPEAKER_00 23:35

Okay. Um here it is. Palm Sunday. One week from today, gonna be Easter. Jesus died for our sins. And because of that, we owe it to the divine to live a life of joy. He didn't go to the cross and die an awful death for us to be miserable. So let's make the most of this life. Let's honor that. No matter what you think, there's a reason we were put on this planet, and my gosh, there's so much to be thankful for. Um to wallow in the hardships, the stuff we can't control, the negative thoughts, it's it's not productive. And it's not what we are meant for. I think you've you've listened to a lot of podcasts about we deserve joyfulness.

SPEAKER_01 24:52

Yeah, well, I you know, in life there's gonna be pain, but I feel like suffering is not well, and I don't want to sound insensitive because I know some people are persecuted and you know live in other places where they don't have the freedoms that we have, and you know, I feel for those people, and I'm sure there's suffering, but I've also heard that if they have a strong belief in something, they are able to uh live in the pain without the suffering, because really the peace is within you, within each individual, and um yeah, like I s like I'm learning joy is our birthright, life should feel good, and yes, there's gonna be pain and there's gonna be loss, but there doesn't have to be suffering. Well said that is my my new that brings us to my new favorite word of the year that I learned this past year is equanimity, and um I think everybody should look it up.

SPEAKER_00 26:30

Are you just gonna be in suspense?

SPEAKER_01 26:33

Equanimity. Do you want to say what you think it means?

SPEAKER_00 26:38

No.

SPEAKER_01 26:39

Why not? Because you've I told you.

SPEAKER_00 26:42

Well, you told me, but this is gonna be a lot of course correction based on my this is not one of those, there is no wrong answer. So you go ahead. Well, you go ahead, honey.

SPEAKER_01 26:56

Well, it just means that you have um, it's an old word, it's an ancient word, but you have the peace within you, so you are able to be even and peaceful and basically okay no matter what's happening around you. So it doesn't mean you're happy all the time, it just means you are in control of your inner piece, your you know, like that our bodies do this in biology, like homeostasis. Like we're always just striving to be at an equal kind of right, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 27:56

So and that's why we feel um out of sorts when you do something different or you think outside the box or you face your fears. Um it kind of disrupts that until you do that thing and you find out I can do that thing, and that's not scary anymore, and I'm at peace with that if it were to come around. Okay, that might be a little bit different, I knew there would be this part, this part in the story where there is a wrong answer.

SPEAKER_01 28:42

I'm not saying it's wrong, but um you know, when you say things, because you are quite the out-of-the-box thinker, it usually takes me about 10 minutes, and then I agree. So I'm just gonna agree now because I think we can wrap this up.

SPEAKER_00 29:00

Oh, we can't go another 10 minutes when you say, Oh, you're you're right, Nate. Uh all right. Well, that's not about being right or wrong, it's about we're just being right all the time.

SPEAKER_01 29:17

Just as long as you're right inside.

SPEAKER_00 29:20

Yeah. Well, um thanks for listening.

SPEAKER_01 29:26

This is a good uh uh experience. I love how at the end you always like to say it's good. Well, this was good. So give us five stars. No, you give us it would be nice if we got some reviews and some engagement. We really would like to hear from people who are listening because we know you're out there. We see. Um, but uh yeah, that would be great. And here's to equanimity planting flowers instead of seeds. And my god, Nate's stomach is going crazy. I'm hoping you can't hear it on here, but happy Palm Sunday, everybody. Okay, bye. Bye.