Ep 4: The Energy of Belonging: Why Fitting In Is Draining Your Soul?

In this episode of Midlife Audacity, Celeste explores the quiet but powerful difference between fitting in and belonging.

Fitting in is survival energy — the constant shape-shifting to be accepted that leaves you drained and disconnected.
 Belonging, on the other hand, is safety energy — the freedom to be fully yourself and feel at home in your own skin.

Celeste shares how midlife invites us to stop performing for approval and start belonging to ourselves again — restoring our energy, mood, and momentum along the way. You’ll learn what it feels like in your body when you’re in true alignment and how to begin breaking the old patterns of self-abandonment and people-pleasing.

✨ This conversation is your reminder that midlife isn’t a crisis — it’s an awakening.

Grab your FREE Energy Audit - the first step in reclaiming your peace, power and presence.

Soulful Shifts For Midlife: A Guidebook For Alignment - simple micro habits for getting your sh*t together in just 10 min a day. DOWNLOAD FOR FREE as my gift to all of you during the month of December.

Soul School: A curriculum for midlife women who are ready to remember their wisdom, protect their energy, project their power and come back into alignment. You don’t need fixing. You to remember. Open for enrollment NOW

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Transcript

So let's get into it because I am super excited to talk to you about something that comes up a lot in conversations that I'm having out and about, in my coaching sessions, even in my own personal Reflections. And most recently in a conversation that I had with my husband, and that's the difference between fitting in and belonging. and you might think that these two words are similar, In fact, you may have even used them interchangeably but energetically they couldn't be any more different. so, when I think about fitting in, I am immediately brought into that Middle School energy of doubt and insecurity and low confidence. You remember that feeling, right? And the energy around fitting in. Is really an exhausting energy. And the reason why it's exhausting is because you are constantly searching for acceptance and approval. You are adjusting yourself. In every situation. What I say? Is this, right? How should I dress? Wait, am the only one 

that's like that? Should be like everybody else? What if I don't fit in? What if they don't like me, you've had that. Subconscious Loop going on. Right? You know what that feels like to be in doubt. And your body feels. It also your nervous system. Is immediately filled with tension because you don't feel safe. You don't feel safe. And the minute we're in a new situation. We are as adults. We are brought back. to those Middle School years, where it feels like All we did was try to fit in, right? You remember, like, I remember driving my mom crazy because I wanted to fit in badly that I made her take me to Benetton and Scam. The store for the sweater. Do you remember the sweater? The one with the big bee stitched on the front? And I had to have the guest jeans. Not just any Guess jeans, but the ones with the zippers down the side that went to your ankle, right. Do remember those those jeans? It was like this old consuming energy. Because you fell on safe. You lived in doubt, you were unsure who you were and you were scared. And it's really an energy of survival. 

And what happens and think about this like in terms of yourself, what happens is that? Any time as an adult, we're presented with a situation. Something that's uncomfortable. Something that's unknown. We don't know the outcome. We immediately go back to that Middle School, fitting in energy, because it's stored in our body. and in mind, our mind is always working to Keep Us Alive and safe. It the ultimate protector. So when we are in these uncomfortable situations, our mind is going to go to work to search the role of decks, right? Search the memories to bring up anything from the past. That was similar to what you are experiencing in your body. Right in the moment of this new uncomfortable situation and it reminds us. Oh, this is unsafe. This is how it felt. You what to do, put on the armor. Put on the mask. Don't show your true self because you may judged. You may not be liked And because of that fear. we have learned, we have taught our body and our mind to shrink Because we are now in these energy of survival. 

And you know, the feeling like this how it shows up as adults. We enter a situation, we're scanning the room, we're looking for any kind of cue. Do I fit in? Is this the right place? Will I make it here? You're reading the room. And as you're reading the room, you are subconsciously editing yourself. 

Does this resonate? And this. Becomes draining. This becomes draining. and for so many of us especially women men too especially for women We end up doing this. For decades. We shrink we hide. We protect ourselves with lots of heavy armor so that no one can really see our true self. and, We show up that way. We show up that way, and we do it in our family situations. Right, we stick to the roles that we've always. Come accustomed to. Fitting into even if they don't feel good anymore or we've outgrown them, we stay with these uncomfortable roles because we're scared to take a stand and change. We stay in friendships. That we have to hide in and aren't able to fully express ourselves. We do this in the workplace amongst colleagues. And we do it in our marriages. we're talk a more about that in some episodes, but we do it because we've learned that fitting in. Is a form protection. 

And our mind and our body. When we feel uncomfortable, And unsafe. We know, no other way. but to Build that armor up. And protect ourselves. and, 

We this starts this starts at very young age. I mean you might even be able to think back to a time in your life, when You realize that you started doing this? For me, it was definitely Middle. School is what I remember most vividly, but I'm sure that it dates back even further because now that I'm even thinking about it, it probably started happening. For me in third grade. Because in third grade, that's when I was pulled out the classroom. I was taken for testing. and I remember, Not fitting in with everybody else. I was in a separate reading group. That was not part of the full class. And I remember for the first time, what it felt like To not. Fit in with everybody else. And every single experience that we've lived. 

Right. Our body keeps track of that. And our mind also keeps score and so our body and our mind are keeping score of all these little incidences that have happened. Some. Are huge and some are minor. But every little one of those, it's like a, it's like a table that's being checked, checked checked. And eventually what happens is, is that becomes all that we know and that is the program that we as adults run on. That is the program that we as adults run on. this concept of Fitting working so hard working, so hard to fit in. And be something that we're not. 

now, when we look at belonging, it's a whole different vibration. 

It's a whole different energy. 

When you belong. when you feel like you belong, When you are a of something. It's exciting. And what happens in our nervous system is we Can finally exhale. Because we feel safe to be ourselves. 

and if we don't acknowledge, That. We are just working so hard wearing these masks and wearing this armor. And shrinking and playing it safe. Then we're going to stay in that exhausted state. but when we stop, and we notice that's what's happening. And we're really like, living Middle School over and over and over again. And we break the pattern. And interrupt that mind from telling us that this is unsafe that it's not going to work out and that people are going judge us. All the things that keep us, you in that energy. When we interrupt that. That when we can start to heal. We can start to heal that inner child. That 8 year, self that 10 year, self that 14 year old self that 18 year self. We can start to heal her. and when we do, we come to ourselves. We become whole. And the energy of belonging. Is wholeness. because in state, you no longer have to perform. You have to prove. You just show up. Freely fully honestly. and that energy when you show up that way, people are automatically drawn to you. It's like a moth to a flame. You are so 

magnetic. Because people can feel. The energy of fitting in. And hiding. And working so hard to protect yourself. Versus the energy. Of belonging. Owning Who You Are. And showing up that way proudly and confidently. because, That is the energy of being alive. And that Ulta. When expansion can happen. Because it's in that energy where you are truly owning who you are your authenticity, when you are truly owning Who You Are. That's when people. And that's where real connections. Start to build. 

I was excited to talk about this today is because a couple of weeks ago, my husband and I were up at my daughter's school. For family weekend. and, You could. See. The difference in energy that my daughter was exuding. Up at school. Versus the energy that we saw from her when she was in school. now, yes, a of that has to do with maturity, but What? I know. And as a parent I saw is that she was able to show up as her true self. Because she felt seen. And heard. and, She truly felt she belonged. So, she no longer had to work so hard. To fit in that wasn't even a thing. Right, that wasn't even a thing. And I'm instantly reminded of the brene brown quote. Where she says, and she's done a of books on imperfection and vulnerability and fitting in and belonging. She's excellent. And she said something that always resonated me. And pulled up the quote, She said fitting in is becoming who you think you need to be. To be accepted. 

Belonging doesn't require us to change Who We Are. It requires us to be Who We Are. And that such a profound. Differential between these two concepts right fitting in is. Thinking you have to be somebody in order to be accepted in order to get that end validation that external validation. And fitting in is all about this approval. and when we're in that state, we are constantly editing ourselves because we're afraid that if we don't, someone will see Something that they don't like and will not want to be around us. That's living in fear. Where is belonging what she says is. It's not about changing. Anything about yourself. There is no editing. It's about. Us being who we are. So it's a of being and when you allow yourself to step in to that state, You feel? Alive. You feel seen? And it's not because you earned anything and it has nothing to do with others. It's because you are belonging to your self. You are honoring, you are self. And when you are yourself. And stay true to yourself and lean into God's divine plan for you. It is amazing. What ends up happening? So, when I saw my daughter up at and I saw these new friends that she has and I saw the excitement and the energy and how she was holding herself and how she was. Connecting and how she was contributing? 

It was. It was so warming to my mama heart, right? And I turned to my husband on the way home and I said to him, I am so happy. That she feels comfortable. In her own skin. To show up. As the Marley that we know and love. And allow other people to see that. And because she did that because she showed up. And is in her true power. It people couldn't help but to want to be around her. Right. And that's what happens. When have ever been in a situation? Where, like, Someone walks the room and you can like feel the energy right away, it's intoxicating, it's so attractive and you don't even know why you're like, I'm not sure why I'm drawn to this person, but I'm just drawn to the person. It's because they're showing up as themselves. and when people show up as themselves, And are real and honest, and relatable. Oh God. It is sexy as hell. It is so sexy. And you want to be around that kind of energy. I mean, I know I want to around that kind of energy, right? And to me, That's really. What the work of midlife audacity is all about. It's releasing all of the performance. And remembering your power. So, take a moment like think about this seriously? because we all do it in our adult lives, unless we train ourselves, not 

to so, think about where Am I still trying to fit in? 

Where am I still trying to fit in? 

And the second part of that, that I want you to get quiet and think about, Is. What would belonging to myself? Feel like right now. What would belonging? To myself, feel like right now, what are the feelings that would come up for you? 

And when you do that exercise, when you really stop and pause and investigate, where am I still trying to fit in? And what would it feel like to belong to myself and you really get in touch with those emotions? And feel those emotions. You can start belonging to your self. Within seconds. You can start belonging to yourself in seconds. And then the work the practice and ends being every time you notice and acknowledge and become aware when you are. Trying. To fit in. You interrupt that program. Because it's going to come up. It's absolutely gonna come up. It does for it's gonna come up for you. But when it comes up, then you can pause. And you can replace that with belief statements worthy statements. That remind you. Of your power. That reminds Of woman that you deserve to be in midlife. And that my friends. Is what it's all about. It's never about being perfect and it's never about. Instantly changing. It's about. Every day. Being aware enough. That you can actually interrupt the subconscious mind. That you can regulate your central nervous system. We talked about that last week. To provide safety in your body. Because you really can't change. Unless you are. Feeling safe to do so. So, you have to provide safety in body. To. Start to make the change. Last. And isn't that the goal you want lasting transformation? You want to step into this next season 

of your life, bold, and beautiful, and Unapologetic and soulful? So those would be the steps that I would be taking. If you're noticing that you are doing an awful lot of fitting in these days and you are feeling exhausted because it's absolutely draining to wearing, that heavy armor day and day out, whether it's at work, or whether it's around family, or whether it's about in friendships, it's freaking exhausting. And I'm telling you now, there is nothing more liberating than taking that armor off and setting it to the side and stepping into your true birth. And to do that, you have to be aware of what's Happening. You have to provide safety in body so that you can make those changes in your subconscious. And move forward writing a different story. Writing and empowered story. And when you do that, When you step into your true worth. that is when you become the woman. That you've always wanted to be.