Ep 7: Why You Feel Stuck In Midlife: The Identity Upgrade Your Nervous System Needs

In this episode of Midlife Audacity, Celeste explores the real reason so many midlife women stay in jobs, roles, and routines that look good on the outside but leave their souls unfulfilled. You will learn how your nervous system, your sense of safety, and your core identity shape the thoughts, emotions, and behaviors that create your reality.

Celeste explains why change feels difficult, how familiar patterns keep you stuck, and what happens when your body does not feel safe enough to let you expand. You will discover the connection between identity and purpose and why shifting the beliefs you hold about who you are is the key to awakening a new chapter.

This episode includes a simple hand on heart regulation technique, a grounding affirmation, and a guided meditation to help your body soften and your soul come back online.

If you have been feeling the quiet pull that you are meant for something more, this conversation will help you understand what is holding you back and what becomes possible when you choose safety, alignment, and the next version of yourself.

Celeste also shares how community has played a powerful role in her own growth and why having the right women around you can accelerate your healing, your confidence, and your awakening. Soul School reopens in January for women who want to rise inside a supportive, spiritually grounded community that keeps you anchored to your purpose and connected to the truth of who you are. 

Soulful Sunday Newsletter:  Each week, you’ll hear from me in a way that’s simple, intentional, and easy to stay connected to.

Book Study Seminars:  Soul School has opened up new room called, Book Study Seminars.  This room meets four times a year to read, study and unpack not only the words, but our lives, together.  Our spring theme is identity expansion and we start May 7th. For four weeks, we’ll study together using, The Big Leap by Gay Henricks, as our anchor text. Together, we will explore what has been keeping you in your upper limit, how your identity may be capping your expansion, and how to begin feeling safe stepping into your next level self.

Soul School: A curriculum for midlife women who are ready to remember their wisdom, protect their energy, project their power and come back into alignment. You don’t need fixing. You need to remember. Open for enrollment NOW.

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Transcript

Hey, hey, and welcome back to midlife audacity. I'm your host Celesta Donna, teacher writer speaker and guide women who are ready to rise into their next chapter boldly. Soulfully and unapologetically. Before we dive in, I want share something really special Soul School, my signature Community, for women, who are ready to reconnect with themselves and live in. True alignment is reopening in January. This round is going to be even more grounded, more intentional, and more supportive than ever. so if you've been feeling that inner nudge to return to your self and ReDiscover your identity separate, from all the role you've carried, this is your invitation Today's conversation is one so many midlife women silently. Carry, why we stay work in routines and in roles that look good on the outside but leave our souls starving on the inside. And why the body you're nervous? System keeps pulling you back into the familiar. even when the familiar is no longer aligned, We're blending. Soul science, and God today. And at end, I'll guide you through a short meditation to bring your body back home. All right, so let's get into it. Why do we stay where we no belong? It's really a fascinating question and see so many women doing this on the day-to-day, right? Like, they stay in jobs that really no longer serve them, right? It checks all boxes, right? The stability, the structure, the predictability. 

And there's sense of being needed and valued and let's be honest. Like, that feels really good. Until it doesn't feel good. And that safety, that comfort that we feel can also be a trap. If we are not really connected to our soul and our divine assignment, many women, this goes for men, too, but many women aren't staying at work. Because it lights them up. The true reason, if we're going be on us here is that they stay because it funds the life that they've built. Right? The house the car is the tuition, the vacations. And the stability that they never had growing up. I know for myself, like all things that I wanted to have as a child, not that my parents didn't give this amazing life because they really did, and they did everything that they could to make our lives as good as they could. But there was obviously always this longing for more, right? This desire, and when I became a parent, I think it's very natural to want to give your children better than what you had, right. It's like that natural desire to want to give them the very best, so we end up staying overstaying. I should say in. Sometimes work that really no longer lights us up and we stay because the job really supports this identity that we worked so hard to build, right? Like this identity of where the responsible one or a mother does this or I'm Dependable or I'm the The Breadwinner in family or my identity is a teacher and that's all that know and so that's how I identify myself. But somewhere along the way. Were taught. To confuse stability with purpose. To believe comfort means fulfillment. To believe that survival. Is enough. And this episode is very timely because next week, you're going to hear from one of friends Christine who shows us that while her job as a teacher. Was good. it wasn't doing it for her anymore, like it wasn't lighting her up, like it once had and when we are aware and when we are awake, we can start to recognize that this isn't where we want to be. And I will tell you this, God did not create you to wake up work, survive the day and then just go on repeat over and over again. There is no way. That our God, my God designed me to live like that. You weren't designed to be on autopilot. You were designed for connection for meaning, Awakening, and a life that really feels juicy. Like down your bones, down in your cells. And that might be the job that you're at right now. And that's the case, then you are living into your beautiful Divine assignment. But more often than not, I find that most people aren't they're just staying because it's comfortable and it provides stability and it's familiar. So, here's the thing. We will never change. Because we've created this identity around ourselves, right? Which was all so connected to core beliefs. And we will never change that Identity or step into different beliefs if we don't feel safe to so. Because change happens at the speed of safety. so, when our nervous system, Is the primary job is to Keep Us Alive. It's not to keep us happy or fulfilled or aligned. It's just to Keep Us Alive. It's fascinating. And thank God it does, right? But when you step into something new, a new calling, you set a boundary, you live into a dream, you have a version of yourself that starting to really pick up some momentum. Your body scans the environment and it asks is this safe. And the answer will be, no, because it's new. Or even, maybe, you your body's gonna push back, and it's going to push you back and keep you in these old programs and patterns. That's what its job is to protect you. So that's why so many of us stay in these old roles, We stay in Old coping strategies. We stay in our old responsibility role. and, We pretty much are in survival. And that is not thriving in life, that is surviving through life. And I don't know about you, but I want to thrive. I do not want to survive this life. I want to thrive in this life, so what can we start to do, right? What can we start to do? Because it feels really unsafe to want something. And then you can't take that first step, like, your body, literally, resists you taking that first step, or you feel cold to do more, but you cannot break free. Right. It's just it's just physically. Pulling you back. Or you start off strong. Like, okay, I'm going to do this, I'm going to Take some action steps to you build something on side so that could eventually leave my job. Let's say that. That's the example. You start. And then you slip right back into Old patterns when it becomes uncomfortable. And that is how our bodies are designed. It's to keep us in that place. The mind is very powerful that way, but it's not a weakness. It's how we were programmed and how we were created. And it's about wiring. And so, you have to think of this as like, if you're going up level and change and step into something new, this new identity that you want create for yourself, then it's about upgrading the software, right? It's about upgrading the software and real transformation does require body regulation nervous system regulation because your body must feel safe before it's going to allow you the change. The permanent change, right? The transformation lasting transformational change, which is what or all after. I don't know about you, but I don't want temporary. I want permanent. so, you really do have to regulate that nervous system. so, let's think about First, let's really talk about like this, this piece of identity, right? This is where identity. Is really powerful. Who you believe you are and what you believe is possible for you. Does become the blueprint for your nervous system and that's what you're nervous. System follows. Because that's what it identifies with and anything outside of that is going to be an alarm for your system. It's going to sound the alarm and say ding ding ding buzz buzz buzz fire fire. This is not what we are used to. So your identity, right? Shapes thoughts? And your thoughts are going to shape your emotions and your feelings and your emotions are going shape your actions, and your actions are going shape your reality. So here's what that looks like in real life. If you identify as a woman who never gets a break and I used say this all time, like I never get a break, I am always doing something. Well, guess what? You will scan for stress. You will expect disappointment and you will behave as if life is always happening to you. Opportunities won't even register because they don't match the identity. 

You're living from. So, you're living in this identity of overwhelm. And taking everything on. And so you won't even see. Possibilities of ways that that can change for yourself. So you're on this constant hamster wheel of living Groundhogs Day. Going through and doing the same thing over and over again, I'm sure you've seen that movie with Bill Murray. If watched it like a million times. So, I mean that's what's happening. If you identify as woman who has to hold everything together, like you are the one in your family that does all and everybody comes to you. I've been in role. And so you over function in every area of life, you overcompensate, which I definitely did and you take on more than you should. You'll say yes when you need rest, you'll exhaust yourself because your identity is tied to being the strong one. And you won't see possibilities for a out because the body. Because it's Set the thermostat is set. At you have to hold everything together so it will not see the possibility for change, unless you tell it it is safe. It is safe for you to not do everything. It is safe for you to rest. okay, if if identify as someone who isn't meant for happiness, you like You're going to constantly have your body being braced for loss, even Joy will feel foreign and unsafe and like, you don't deserve it. Because it contradicts everything that you have already built in identity around. Does this make sense? Does this sense, right? If you live in lack, And scarcity. Your mind is only going focus on What's Missing or what you don't have and your emotions will contract. Your decisions are going to shrink, your not going to make bold decisions that will expand you because your body will immediately recognize that as an alarm going off and saying, no, no, you can't do that. 

So, your internal world. You identity and beliefs. Is always reflected in your external World. Your reality literally responds to your identity that you're choosing to live into and that's how the timeline will live out forever unless you break that and become aware. And recognize. That you want to make this shift, you want to make this change and you have to realize that in order to do that you have to interrupt the program. You to interrupt the regularly regularly scheduled program. And then you have to bring safety into the body. So, the body. No longer sounds those alarms. The body says, okay. I got this. I'm ready. So you have to bring safety now to the body. So how do we do that? There's a very simple technique that you can do to start bringing this safety to your body. It's a simple regulation technique. So, I put my hand on my heart. It's called hand, heart regulation, and wherever you are. You gently place. Your hand on your heart, you feel the warmth, you feel the touch the presence. And this creates immediate safety because your body recognizes touch as connection. And what are you connecting with? You are connecting with your soul. You are connecting with your inner guiding system. You are connecting with peace. the opposite of dysregulation is regularization and the hand on your skin, on your heart is Centering. You. And then I quietly whisper. I am safe. It is okay to feel this discomfort right now. It's just letting me know that this is new. I appreciate my body for signaling to me. And I'm ready to expand. I ready. To shift. I've got this. I've got this. And let these words land, let your shoulders soften. Let your nervous system register this truth. That you are here. You are grounded. And you are supported. This is how safe is created. It's not created in the mind. but in the body, And safety is what allows your identity, your purpose. To shift. And it allows for your life. To really open up. so, we first have to recognize What's happening? Right. Awareness is always the first step and then it's interrupting the regularly scheduled program. To. Acknowledge. That you want change that you want shift in your life. And then it's about bringing regulation and safety to the body. 

Right? So that you can make this Because here's really the miracle. The miracle is when you create safety in your body. Through presence through grounding and connection. With God, you open the doorway for your identity to shift. and when your identity shifts, everything, shifts, your thoughts, your feelings, your actions, your timelines, your opportunities, And your entire reality. Everything Changes. We are constantly sending information out into the universe about who we believe we are, right? Why not send the universe information instead of who we want to become? Right in stead of who we've been who we want to become and when your identity is rooted in truth, peace purpose. And God, your whole world will rearrange in miraculous ways, that's just how it works. 

Now, this is why I believe so strongly in community. like Community is everything and I posted the other day about this on my Facebook and on my Instagram and I'm going to reiterate it here that I I have been a part of so many different communities. Right. So I say this. So passionately, not just as a coach, but as a woman who's literally lived in so many different communities. Every major transformation in my life has been supported by a community. Women. Who reflected my truth back me when I couldn't see it for myself. Women who held me accountable, women who reminded me of, who I was becoming. Not who I had been. And the community. While we think it might be like a luxury to a part a community. It's really a Lifeline. It's a Lifeline because left on our own We will slip back into Old patterns. Old identities, old coping old ways of surviving. But within community. you rise faster, you regulate You remember, you heal? These are all the benefits. Of being inside of a space. That allows you to do that. Faster. And this is exactly why I created Soul school. Because Soul school is a community designed for midlife women. Who are ready, really? Ready to shift. Their identity regulate, their bodies deepen, connection, with God. and live from alignment, instead of obligation staying stuck in the roles that they no longer want to be executing know, you know, feeling stuck in the job that no longer serves them being stuck in Old patterns that you want to break, And the community is such a great resource for you to be able to regulate remember and heal. It's not ever about perfection. It's not about performance. It's it's about a weakening. and, In a community I have found that it's a space where you're supported and seeing an encouraged and guided back to truth. every every time that you show up and I am in community that does that for me, and I want, To create that community that does that for others. And I will stay in my community because it provides me with that Comfort. How many times do have you heard like therapists having therapists? You know what mean? It's because we all need our self-care. We all need self-care. So I hope this all really makes sense. I really feel like you can make these shifts these identity shifts. Right? Because you have so much power within you. You really do. and, Going through those steps that I just mentioned are really valuable and helping you to. See that you can start to change your identity, which will then change your thoughts and feelings which will absolutely change your behaviors. Which will start to, then show you. A life, a life of a limitless possibility that has been waiting for you all along. 

I share a lot with you in this episode. So, let's drop into a gentle meditation. If you're driving, keep your eyes open, but slow your energy. If you're home. Allow your body to settle. 

Let's inhale gently through the nose. 

And exhale through the mouth. 

So often, we forget to breathe. So, let's inhale, again, gently through the nose. 

And exhale. Through the mouth. And let's do this one more time. Inhale gently through the nose. 

And release. That breath. Naturally. Out the mouth. 

You can place your hand on your heart. Let your body know you are here. And Whisper. I am safe. I am present. 

I held. 

I am comforted. 

Remember to breathe in? 

And out. 

Letting your ribs expand. 

Making sure your shoulders are dropped. 

and as you breathe, And that slow rhythm. Feel yourself coming to Center. 

Let your nervous system come back. Into regulation. 

And let your body. soften, 

I am safe. I am present. 

I am held. I am connected. 

What your breath come back into a steady rhythm. Let your nervous system settle. Let your body come home. 

And when you're ready, you can open your eyes. And return to the space around you. I hope you are feeling that you are able to make these identity shifts. I hope that you are feeling like you have the power to become unstuck. And really shift into that new identity, that you desire. If this episode resonated with you, please share it with a woman who, you know, has been feeling that tug between comfort and calling and like, always I will be forever grateful. If you leave a review, I absolutely loved reading them. Here are the five takeaways from this episode. Your body must feel safe before any real change can happen. Regulation is the foundation of transformation. We change at the speed of safety. Number two, familiar doesn't mean aligned Comfort. Can keep you stuck. Number three, your identity shapes your reality shift, who you believe you are and you are entire life shifts with you. Number four. Community accelerates healing. Awakening and expansion you rise faster when you're supported. And number five, god-centered connection creates true Eternal safety. When you root yourself in God, your body softens and your purpose becomes clear. And if you want to do this work support it and held Soul. School reopens in January and I would love to walk alongside you Stay bold, stay awake. Stay audacious. Bye-bye.