Episode 28: The Rooms That Change You

This episode explores how stepping into uncomfortable environments can be powerful catalysts for personal transformation. Katie Murray shares insightful perspectives on how the right rooms - not always comfortable - can expand your mindset, skills, and self-belief.

Key Topics:
Why feeling out of place often indicates growth potential
The importance of environment in shaping what you believe is possible
How to differentiate between rooms that stretch you and those that diminish you
The misconception that confidence is a precursor to expansion
The role of proximity and social learning in personal development
Strategies for embracing discomfort and seeking challenging environments
The cycle of staying, evolving, and eventually becoming a person others aspire to join

Resources & Links:
KMC - Resources

Connect with Katie Murray:
KMC - Work With Me or go say hi to Katie on Instagram

Transcript

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Welcome. This is to our core with Katie Murray, and this is the place where we peel back our layers to uncover who we really are at our centre. At our core. And think of it as a chat with your bestie, the one who can make you laugh until your belly hurts, who is ridiculously unfiltered, and will lovingly call you forward to help you cut through the noise and get real with yourself. Around here, nothing is off limits. And we are mixing this up with equal parts of humour and heart. So let's dive right in. Okay, today I just want to start the episode with a question. And that is, have you ever walked into a room and immediately thought, I absolutely do not fucking belong here? Mm-hmm. Because I have. And maybe it's that you've walked into that room and everyone else seems more experienced than you, or more confident, or further ahead, and maybe the conversations that you're listening to and that are happening around you feel much bigger than the world that you are used to existing within. And in that moment, something inside you just wants to shrink. Just stay quiet. You know, that little voice that says, Do not speak up, you will sound like an absolute idiot. Or I reckon I could leave early. Like I reckon I could fake some kind of emergency phone call where I just could discreetly exit out of the room. Or, you know, I could appear like I've got a bag case of the shits, and I just could hide out in that toilet cubicle for at least 35 minutes of that one hour long meeting. So I just I just hide. To tell yourself that you can come back to that room when you feel more ready. Yeah, what if those exact rooms are the ones, you know, they are absolutely the ones that might make you question yourself, but what if they are actually the rooms that shape the next version of you? What if the discomfort that you feel walking into them isn't actually a sign that you shouldn't be there? Instead, what if it's a signal that you are standing at the edge of expansion? Because here's what I believe as a truce for me, and that is that some of the most powerful transformations in life will not happen because you read another book or you listen to another podcast. I mean, except for to our core podcast, because you know, we've got epiphanies happening here, there, and everywhere, or that even that you are gonna set another goal and that's where the transformation's gonna happen. They'll happen because you chose to walk into a room that stretched the way that you see yourself. So today we are talking about the rooms that change you. And yes, they are not often found in the rooms that make you feel comfortable. They are not in the rooms where everyone already knows you, like, oh, here comes Katie, she knows a shit. She's welcome in this room. No, instead, they are the rooms that you often feel slightly underqualified, or maybe even slightly intimidated and definitely a little out of your depth. Because more often than not, those are the exact rooms where your world gets bigger. So, hello, beautiful humans, and welcome back to To Our Course, Strap Yourself In, because today I am absolutely gonna be talking about encouraging you, inviting you in to rooms that feel very uncomfortable. And there's a quote that I love that says, you don't rise to your goals. You fall to the level of your environment. And yeah, I'm gonna say that one again because it's a powerful quote. You don't rise to your goals, you fall to the level of your environment. And when I first heard it, I was like, whoo, light bulb moment that landed because we often think that growth is about discipline, about motivation, about working harder and all of those things, discipline, motivation, giving it a red hot crack. Yes, they can help you in terms of growth, yet, environment, environment is powerful in ways that we do not always notice. And that can look like the conversations that you are around, the standards that people hold themselves to and others, the ambitions that people speak about like they're fucking normal. Ambitions that you probably once upon time yourself, that that's not possible. That is not possible. And they're in a room talking about them like of course, of course this would happen. And all of these things, they slowly recalibrate what you then believe is possible for your own life. What once felt like really big can start to feel normal. And that that right there, my friends, is the magic of the right room. Because here's something that I think we could get a megaphone to and talk about more often, and that is that when you first enter a room that is going to expand you, it rarely feels comfortable. In fact, it can often feel like imposter complex or imposter syndrome, self-doubt, questioning yourself, comparison. Oh, I'm not where they are. Look, look how much more they know. Wow, they seem more confident, they've got what I don't have. You know what that can also lead to? Intimidation. And you look around and you think to yourself, you know what? They are so much further ahead than me. They know more than me. They're more experienced than me. And our internal instinct in those moments is often to retreat, to shrink, to leave and go hide in that toilet cubicle and pretend like you just had bad Indian cuisine the night before. To convince yourself that you are not ready yet to be in that room. However, I've got a little reframe for you today that I want to offer. And that is that if you walk into a room and you immediately feel like the most experienced person there, guys, that room probably won't stretch you very much. Because growth requires proximity to people, environments, and situations who challenge your current level of thinking. And I'm not talking about in a competitive way where it's tit for tat and look at me, I'm so much better than you. I'm talking about in an expansive way where you, by merely being in that room, allows others to go, well, of course she's here. And they will often see things in you that you are yet to see in yourself. Because humans are wired for social learning. Why do you think they all put us in schools very early? It's about normal like establishment, about looking around and seeing, oh, this is the way that we behave, this is how we we need to show up. And we learn by observing the people who are around us, how they think, how they make decisions, what they normalize. And when you spend time in rooms where people speak about really bold ideas as if they're achievable, of course this has happened. Something inside you will start to shift. It's no longer this random idea that exists out in the ether. It's like right there in front of you, not as a possibility, but as a true option for you. And you stop questioning the limitations that you once accepted for yourself, and you start realizing that the ceiling you thought existed on your life might actually have just been this mental construct that you were conditioned to believe. And that's why people around you, who you have around you, matter so much. When we're kids, we are often brought up in environments that we have very little say over. However, I want to have a guess and say that most people that listen to this podcast are adults. So this is where we step into choice. We get to choose our environment. We get to choose the people that we surround ourselves with. And they matter, not because they determine like your worth and like they give you a seal of approval. It's because they shape your reference point for what's possible. You enter a room where people believe that you can only do this, this, and this, and they are small narratives. Guess what you will be inclined to be conditioned to believe. You get in a room where people are like they are shooting for the stars and they're landing it. Guess what? You'll be like, wow, rocket ship, here I come, because I am on my way to a different universe that I never gave myself even an opportunity to consider was possible for me. And there will be moments in your life where you're invited into a room that feels slightly beyond the version of you that currently exists. It might be an event, it might be a conversation, it might be a leadership space, it might be a community of people. And in those moments, you have choice. You can wait until you feel ready, or you can recognize that readiness is often created inside the room, not before you enter it. In fact, readiness is the decision to enter the room, not how you're gonna feel once you're in it. You have to be in the room long enough to allow it to be created. Because confidence rarely actually precedes expansion. We don't expand once we're confident. We gotta get in the room. It's usually built through exposure, through listening, through observing, through participating, even when you're feeling really uncertain. Like, did I step into the wrong meeting here? And slowly something really interesting can happen for you. That room that once intimidated you starts to become familiar because you keep going back. And it's not because you suddenly became someone different overnight, it's because proximity has normalized the level that you once thought was unreachable in your life. And I do want to make an important distinction here because not every uncomfortable room is the right room. And this is where it gets a little bit tricky because you're like, am I uncomfortable because this is expanding me, or am I uncomfortable because of another reason? And there is a real difference between a room that stretches you and a room that shrinks you. A room that stretches you might make you feel challenged, still respectful, yet challenged. And often in those rooms you can feel inspired, even if it's just by observing the other people and the dynamic in that room. Like, wow, I'm inspired by their passion or their vision or what they're talking about is like a reality for them. I'm inspired by that. Maybe it will show up as curiosity for you, or that you'll walk out of those rooms and you'll feel really energized. A room, however, that shrinks you can leave you feeling like you've been dismissed or like it's really competitive or it's misaligned with your values. You see, growth environments, they will challenge you. However, toxic environments will just diminish you. So learning to feel the difference is an important part of personal leadership. Asking yourself, why am I uncomfortable in this space? Is it because there's a friction in your values? Is it because it feels like everyone's trying to one up on each other? Or is it because this is just stretchy for you? This is a room where you feel challenged to think in a different way. Notice the energy in your body when you leave those rooms. You may have felt uncomfortable when you walked in. You may, hey, hell, you might have felt uncomfortable for 75% of it. However, did you leave that room thinking, oh my God, I am blown away by the opportunity and possibility that's available to me. Because that would suggest you're in the right room. And there's a moment in personal growth where you realize something pretty powerful, and that is that the people that you admire, the people that you see doing the incredible things, they were not born belonging in those rooms either. At some point, they were the newest people there. They were the most inexperienced. They might have even been the quietest voice at the table. Yet the difference is they stayed. They listened, they learned, they were open to being expanded, and then the result is that they eventually became the person that someone else looked at and thought, I want to be in rooms like that. And that, my friends, is the cycle of growth. So I want to leave you. I started this episode with a question. I'm going to leave you with a question today, and that is, what rooms are you currently available to you? Like what rooms are available to you that you might be avoiding because they feel slightly uncomfortable. And when I'm talking about a room, I'm not talking about in the literal sense. I'm talking about that conversation that you're avoiding because it feels uncomfortable, or that new opportunity to connect with a new community of people, or it's stepping into a leadership space, an opportunity. Instead of asking, do I belong here? Or even making a judgment and a determination, like I do not fucking belong here. I want to invite you into asking a different question, and that is what version of me might emerge if I spend time in that room. What version of me might emerge if I spend time in that room? Because the environments that we place ourselves in are absolutely quietly shaping who we become and who we are. So check your environment. Because if your life isn't where you want it to be, or you're not getting the opportunities for growth, look around you. Are you in an environment where everyone else is perfectly comfortable with that? With that outcome for you, with you staying small. They will shape you by your mere proximity to it. And sometimes the next version of you, it's not actually created through doing more. It's created by walking into a room that expands your idea of what's possible. So sit with that question. Sit with the question of what version of you might emerge if you spend time in that room that you've been invited to walk through. Thank you for being here with me today. As always, this is To Our Core. And we'll keep meeting ourselves here. I'll see you or chat to you next week. Thanks for spending time with me today on To Our Core. If something landed in your heart or gave you a much needed giggle, consider sharing it with a friend who also may need this as a timely reminder. And go on. You know you want to. Give me a five-star review so that this podcast can land in the ears of many, many more people. Because remember that life is too short to stay on the surface. Keep living, loving, and laughing all the way to your core. Go make life great. And if you want support around this, go to the show notes to find out more. Until next time, I'll meet you back here with more truth, laughter, and a whole lot of heart.