Episode 32: Facing Growth, Guilt, and Uncertainty: A Personal Reflection on Taking the Leap

In this episode, Katie Murray shares a heartfelt reflection on leaving her family for a transformative coaching training, highlighting the emotional rollercoaster of growth and self-investment. Her honest insights about balancing personal development with feelings of guilt and societal expectations are both inspiring and relatable.

Main Topics:

• The emotional experience of leaving for a two-week intensive training
• Reconceptualising guilt and self-sacrifice in personal growth
• How societal narratives shape perceptions of motherhood and self-investment
• The importance of embracing discomfort and uncertainty in growth journeys
• Practical questions to navigate resistance and fear in pursuing meaningful goals
• The ripple effect of investing in oneself on relationships and leadership

Resources:

• For support around issues just like this, visit KMC - Work With Me
• Book recommendation: The Gifts of Imperfection - Brené Brown (for understanding vulnerability and growth)

Connect with Katie Murray:

• Instagram
• Email: info@katiemurraycoaching.com.au

Remember, growth often lives on the other side of discomfort, and your willingness to leap forward can inspire others - especially the little ones watching you.

Transcript

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Welcome. This is to our core with Katie Murray, and this is the place where we peel back our layers to uncover who we really are at our centre. At our core. And think of it as a chat with your bestie, the one who can make you laugh until your belly hurts, who is ridiculously unfiltered, and will lovingly call you forward to help you cut through the noise and get real with yourself. Around here, nothing is off limits. And we are mixing this up with equal parts of humor and heart, so let's dive right in. Okay, I'm just gonna start this episode with a big deep breath. I'm gonna just say it straight out. I don't want to go. And also, that is the exact reason why I know I need to go. I am recording this episode of the podcast just days before I leave for a two-week intensive coaching, training, and certification experience. On the other side of the country. Two weeks. Actually, it's actually 17 days because I've got to fly in the day before and I will fly out the day after. So 17 days, 15 days of training, two days of travel, closer to two and a half weeks. This is not a quick overnighter. This is not just a long weekend or a couple of days at training. This is two and a half weeks away from home, away from my family, away from my kids. And here's the thing that feels really big for me. This is the longest I will have ever been away from my kids by myself for something that is just for me. Not a family holiday, not a trip away with my hubby where we're focusing on connection, where we can just be him and I, you know, without the kids and just connect with each other again. This is not something that I could wrap up in a neat, socially acceptable bow of this is for everyone. Everyone gets to come. This is different. This is an investment in me, in my growth, in my work, in my clients. And wows has that brought up absolutely everything inside of me. So let me just paint a picture of what's been happening inside of my brain. One moment I'm like, this is freaking incredible. I am so lucky that I've got the support network around me. I've got a really supportive husband who's stepping up, he's willing to make whatever adjustments he needs to with his work and his commitments so that he can be everything while I go on this training. I'm so lucky for that. This is exactly what I've been working toward. I booked this training like close to 11 months ago. And then in the next moment, my brain defaults to what the fuck am I doing? Two and a half weeks away from your family? Two and a half weeks away from your kids? That's too long. That's too long. Are you being so incredibly selfish here? And honestly, it's been a very decent sized dose of emotional whiplash. And so I want to say this because I think it really matters. You can feel excited and somewhat terrified at the exact same time. You can feel certain and doubtful at the exact same time. You can feel cold forward to this opportunity and also want to run backwards at the exact same time. And that doesn't mean that you're making the wrong decision. In fact, it often means that you are standing right at the edge of something that really matters. So let's talk about the big one, the elephant in the room, the one that has been sitting so freaking heavy on my chest. And that's guilt. Because I've had all the thoughts like, am I abandoning them? Am I abandoning all my responsibilities here? Like I am the house manager. I am the number one emergency contact for all of my kids. I'm the person that is often there for them when they get home from school. I'm the person that they call first because that's the way we've structured our family. I'm always available to them. Is this fair on them that I go for two and a half weeks? Should I even be doing this? While kind of a mum chooses this. And even saying all of this out loud, I can feel how loaded it is. Because here's the narrative that so many of us, particularly women, have absorbed in our lives. A good parent is always available. A good mum doesn't choose herself. A good person doesn't inconvenience others for their own growth. And yet, if I like zoom out, I don't actually believe that. Yet belief and feelings, they don't always match. So to support myself through this experience, this very human experience that I'm sure many people will relate to, and maybe it doesn't relate to two and a half week coaching certification training. However, it's a crossroad that you've been at before in your life, I started asking myself what actually makes something selfish? Is it selfish to grow? Is it selfish to invest in your capacity? Is it selfish to become better at the work that supports other people? Is it selfish to learn how to be more effective in your communication and your relationships with other people? Or is it only selfish because it disrupts the roles that people are comfortable with you staying in, including myself, pretty comfortable in the role that I've created for myself. Because here's what I'm noticing as a society in general, we are very comfortable with self-sacrifice, yet deeply uncomfortable with self-investment. And this is especially present for women. We are often praised for putting ourselves last, for being endlessly available, for shrinking our needs. Yet the moment that we say, This matters to me, it can feel like we are doing something wrong. And this is one of the biggest shifts for me is asking, instead of saying or asking myself, what am I taking away from my kids, I've been asking, what am I showing them? Because what they are seeing by me going is that their mum is doing something that feels hard for her. Their mum is choosing growth. Their mum is backing herself. Their mum is honoring something important. They're learning that you can miss people and still go. You can feel scared and still choose it. You can do things that matter to you even when those things make you incredibly uncomfortable. And maybe most importantly, they're learning that their future doesn't have to shrink just because they love people. Because I love them more than anything. And also it can be and both. I can hold both. So this is what I want to sit in for a moment. This doesn't feel easy for me. Even knowing all of this, even believing all of this, it still feels hard for me. This is not going to be a holiday. There is no cocktails on my agenda in these two and a half weeks while I'm away. This is going to be hard. And leaving them to go do the hard thing also feels hard. And I don't think we talk about that enough. We think to ourselves, if it's right, it should feel good. Yet actually, sometimes the most aligned decisions feel like grief, discomfort, stretching yourself, uncertainty. Because you are expanding beyond who you've been. The first time I went to this training, it wasn't for two and a half weeks, it was a seven-day intensive. It was I literally walked in, someone, and walked out with a completely different perspective on the world and of myself and of relationships and of the impact that I can make through coaching. It changed everything about the way that I viewed challenges, opportunities, everything. And I was like, I was warned, people said, you will go into this training and come out a completely different person. And I was like, Well, I quite like this person. And I still do. I love every version of me that has come before this. And also, wow, it was incredibly important that I went. And that's why in the room, I decided to sign up 11 months in advance for this next round of training. Actually, it was probably 10 months. Anyway, it was a significant period of time. Because I knew that that was going to be the next level for me. And it wasn't because it felt comfortable. It wasn't because I felt ready. It was because I knew that that's what I owed myself in this life. To not just look at my potential, instead to seize it. We talked so much about potential, but you know what it is? It's fantasy if we never realize it, if we never go after it, if we never embody it. It's just an idea. A kuda, suda, wuda. I don't talk to people about potential. I talk to them about creating their reality, about expanding themselves. And I have to go first in that. So let's talk about the other side of this. Because this isn't just about leaving. It's about what I'm stepping into. I am going to be immersed in learning. This is integrated. It's not just, ooh, let's open our textbooks and let's, you know, write some notes. It is fully embodied learning. Everything that I'm going to be bringing back to my coaching clients, I am going to have lived. There is one exercise that we do an eight-hour intensive intervention with a client. And guess what? On one of those occasions, I'm the client. So whatever is buried underneath the surface for me that I am not yet consciously aware of is going to be brought to the surface to work on. And then I have the opportunity to coach someone else in the room through that eight-hour intensive. That's just, that's just two of the dates out of the 15. This is immersive. I am going to be challenged in new ways. I am going to be surrounded by people who are also expanding alongside me. And I am going to be absolutely sharpening and refining and building and expanding my coaching skills and toolkit. And that doesn't just benefit me. It benefits every single relationship I have in my life. It benefits every single client that I work with, every conversation that I hold, every space that I facilitate. This is the ripple effect of growth. So now I want to bring this to you. Because this episode isn't just about Katie leaving for two weeks. Two and a half, actually. Where are you currently feeling pulled toward? What part of you is resisting it? What story are you telling yourself about why you shouldn't? And whose voice is that really? This is what I want you to take from this episode. Two things can be true at once. You can feel fear and certainty. Guilt is not always a stop sign. Sometimes it's actually just a sign that you're doing something unfamiliar. Growth often feels inconvenient. For you and for others. Not when everything is perfect. Now it's the only thing that is guaranteed that is available to you is the now. And finally, your choices teach more than your words. Especially to the little people in your life who are watching you. So here I am, packing my bags, feeling all of the feelings. A little teary, a little excited, and a little like, what the hell am I doing? And also deeply grounded in this matters. Maybe that's the takeaway. You don't need to feel a hundred percent ready. You don't need to even feel a hundred percent comfortable. You just need to be willing to say this matters enough for me to go anyway. I'll speak to you on the other side. Thanks for spending time with me today on To Al Core. If something landed in your heart or gave you a much needed giggle, consider sharing it with a friend who also may need this as a timely reminder. And go on. You know you want to. Give me a five-star review so that this podcast can land in the ears of many, many more people. Because remember that life is too short to stay on the surface. Keep living, loving, and laughing all the way to your core. Go make life great. And if you want support around this, go to the show notes to find out more. Until next time, I'll meet you back here with more truth, laughter, and a whole lot of heart.