Episode 34: Rethinking Procrastination: Why Caring Too Much Might Be Holding You Back

In this episode, we explore the often misunderstood nature of procrastination, revealing its deep links to caring intensely about our tasks and fears of exposure. If you've ever felt stuck despite wanting to move forward, this discussion will challenge your perceptions and offer new pathways to action.

Key Topics

• Procrastination as a sign of care, not carelessness
• The impact of identity and self-image on productivity
• How fear of judgment and exposure fuel avoidance
• The difference between preparation and perfectionism
• Strategies to embrace authenticity and vulnerability
• The importance of understanding the root causes of avoidance
• Practical tips for overcoming resistance and taking action

Resources & Links

• KMC - The Self Sabotage Solution 
• Book: The War of Art | Steven Pressfield

Connect with Katie Murray:

• Instagram
• Website: KMC

Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:01

Welcome. This is to Our Core with Katie Murray, and this is the place where we peel back our layers to uncover who we really are at our centre. At our core. And think of it as a chat with your bestie, the one who can make you laugh until your belly hurts, who is ridiculously unfiltered, and will lovingly call you forward to help you cut through the noise and get real with yourself. Around here, nothing is off limits. And we are mixing this up with equal parts of humor and heart. So let's dive right in. I think procrastination is just what we've been told it is. I don't. Because the people that I come across that are saying that they're struggling with this the most, they are the opposite of how we would believe them to be. They're not the unmotivated ones, they're not the careless ones. They're not even the ones that we've been conditioned to perceive as the ones that procrastinate, you know, the lazy ones. They're not people who do not care about their lives or what they're building or the goals that they have for their lives or the tasks that are important to them. They're thoughtful, they're capable, and oh my goodness, are they self-aware of themselves? They know what they care about and they want to get it so right. And strangely, that is actually exactly the reason often why people are getting stuck. Because when something matters to you, it can carry a different kind of weight to it. It's no longer just about a task being done. It can feel really personal. Like it can feel like it says something about you if it doesn't go well. So whether or not that's, you know, that you're gonna move your body. And also what would be the identity shift that comes with that? Like, what would be the outcome, the expectation that might come from you consistently putting yourself first and doing the thing and moving your body and changing the way in which you nourish your body, what would be the expectation that comes with that? And we start to build a whole story around what either it would look like if it didn't go well and what that would say about us, or what would it mean if it did go well? Who would we have to become in that? So instead of moving forward easily, what you might find is that you hesitate. You might think, I can get started once I've just thought this through, I've come up with a plan, I'll I'll start when I'm like feeling really clear and really confident, and when I've got the time to put the right amount of effort into this. And so from the outside, it can look like procrastination. Yet often underneath it, there's a whole lot more going on below the surface. Because when we slow this down and really look at it, procrastination does not come from not caring. It actually normally comes from caring quite a lot. And with that care comes different layers of fear, and they're not always super obvious with a megaphone screaming at you. It might be that there's a fear of getting it wrong, putting something out there and it not landing the way that you hoped. What would be the story that we create about ourselves then? Or there's a fear of being judged, of people having opinions. Just side note, people are gonna have their opinions regardless. However, we often spend a lot of time illuminating and thinking about what other people's opinions of us might be. And what if they misunderstand us? Or, you know, worse, like what if they don't respond at all? Well, you know, we've put all this time and effort into it, we've done this, we've finally taken action, and then crickets. There's no acknowledgement, there's no validation, there's no good job, well done. And then there's often a much quieter one as well that sits underneath a lot of all of this, and that is the fear of being seen. Because being visible means that you can't fully control how things are received. Also, side note, you can never control it. How have we convinced ourselves that we can control how things are going to be received if we just deliver them right? If we do the thing, it might mean that people see our ideas, your effort, the work that you've put in, your voice, your opinion in this. And you know what? Often we're worried that that might happen before we even feel completely ready for it. And if you've actually ever had an experience in the past where it didn't feel good when you did it, even like in a small way or on a small scale, your unconscious mind remembers that feeling. So instead of saying, I'm actually scared, it does something far more subtle, and that is that it just delays you. It just keeps you in the known and the familiar now. And you might notice this in the way that you approach certain tasks. Now, there are probably things in your life that you do really easily without any hesitation. You don't overthink them, you don't avoid them, you just get them done. It's almost like you're on autopilot. And then there are other things that can be approached very differently. They sit differently with you. And that could be like sending the email you've been thinking about four days, or starting a piece of work that feels important to you, or the outcome of the work feels important to you. Maybe it's your boss's approval. Maybe it's what your team thinks. Maybe it's because you have put yourself and your heart into the work. Maybe you're going to be sharing something publicly. Maybe it's even opinion on social media where you're seeing stuff that's happening around the world and you want to stand up, and then you overthink what would that be like for you? What would people think of you if you actually shared your opinion and stood in it? Maybe it's having that conversation that you've been putting off. And you know, with those things, it's never about you not having enough time. It's that when you go to do them, there is a level of resistance there. You might open that laptop and start writing. And then suddenly you get this overwhelming urge to just pick up your phone and respond to an email that, you know, might be about a sale, you know, for pajamas. It's not important in the big scheme of things, or, you know, some kind of um spammy busyness that you can occupy yourself with, or a text message that you can pick up that you can do on autopilot. It's all just distraction, yeah. Or you go and tidy something, or you just think about something a little bit more. Just plan it, make sure that you've covered all the bases. And all the while you're not actually doing the thing. Or even you might just say to yourself, you know what, I will do this. I will do this just later. When I have more energy or more quiet, I can focus, I've got more clarity around it. You know what? This cycle, it can go on for days, sometimes weeks. The other version of this can be staying in preparation mode consistently. You research, you plan, you organize your thoughts, you map things out in your head, and you don't take the step that would actually move things forward. And this is the trap because when you're doing this, when you're planning and you're preparing and you're thinking, it can feel really productive. Yet it keeps you on just the edge of action without fully taking action and you feel like you're doing something. Yet it's not the thing that actually you've been putting off. The fear of visibility is one of the biggest pieces of this. And what I find is it's often the thing that we least acknowledge. Because on the surface, you might genuinely want to be seen consciously. Yes, I want to be seen. You might want your work to be recognized, you might want your voice to reach people and your ideas to land. Yet being seen also means being exposed to other people's interpretations. It may mean that someone might not like it. It might mean that someone doesn't get it. Or it might mean that you are met with silence. And that lack of control can feel really uncomfortable. Especially if you're someone who is used to thinking things through carefully and trying to anticipate what people's response might be to you so that you can garner yourself to it. So what happens is you stay in a space where things feel safer in the refinement of things. You wait until things feel ready. You know that draft email that you've been working on forever and you don't ever send it out, you know what that offers you? Protection from opinion, protection from potential criticism or rejection of your ideas. I don't know whether I've spoken about it on the podcast, but when I first started like my business, I got really fixated on the graphics of it. You know, what was the cover page for a reel, or how many time, you know, how often I could spend in Canva making things look pretty, designing what my brand looked like. None of that mattered. None of it actually led to me getting clients, being in the space where I could actually work and coach with people. I was so fixated on the busyness, the things that I felt was like you know, getting my my image and my brand and the the design. So if someone landed on my Instagram page, I'd be like, oh, that's aesthetically pleasing. It doesn't tell them anything about me as a coach, it doesn't tell them how I can help them, it doesn't create connection. It's artificial. And I could have spent so much time just focusing on that. And it could have felt really busy. In fact, it did feel really busy, and I would finish a design on Canva and I'll be like, now I feel accomplished. Yet it wasn't the level of accomplishment that I actually wanted to create, which was deep connection. I have never had a client come to me and say, you know, I chose to work with you because you posted a really pretty carousel. And that was like, wow, she's my coach. I've seen a little bit on social media lately about, you know, brand and elevation and sophistification. And I think there's a really dangerous trap for comparison, particularly where you're, you know, regardless if you've in the coaching space or not, about comparison, about how you show up, particularly online and who you might attract. And I have had clients come to work with me because they've literally seen me eating Maxi Bon ice creams on my stories, doing nightly reviews, or that I've just got on there and done a little off the cuff kind of rant, um, talking from the heart, sharing my opinion on something, being a thought leader, because it showed them more about what I stood for. And I'm not just talking about the Maxi Bon ice cream eating. I'm talking about the authenticity that it takes to just show up as you are. That's what the Maxi Bon ice creams represented. It's a permission piece for people to go, wow, that looks freeing to be herself and not worry about what might people might think about that. You know, we can often become so busy focusing on doing stuff without asking, is this the most impactful thing to get me toward my goal? It's like if you want to start a like a health and wellness journey, so to speak, and you go online and you start shopping for all new gym gear. Yes, that can be part of the identity piece, it can be part of the embodiment. Like if I feel good in the clothes that I'm in, then that will help me to stay motivated. However, it ain't gonna increase your cardiovascular fitness. Yet we can do so many things, and this is what I mean that you you may not relate to the Canva discussion about creating pretty real covers or uh creating a like aesthetically pleasing carousel post. You might relate to feeling like you need all new workout, dumbbells, clothes, all of that kind of stuff. So you feel like you're the part. However, none of that is actually changing your actual action when it comes to moving towards what you want, which is increase and improvement in your health and well-being. And we we spend time busying ourselves on the wrong thing because it avoids visibility. So what happens is that you stay in a space where things feel safer for you because you're not exposed. You are waiting to embody and step into this person, and you tell yourself, if you just give yourself a little bit more time, then it'll all make sense. It'll you'll feel ready, you'll feel more confident in it. Yet often what's really needed, it's not the preparation, it's tolerance for being seen before everything feels perfect. When I started doing live, well, they're not, I mean, they are kind of live stories on Instagram. I was so stilted. And I felt like it had to be perfect, and I felt like it had to be rehearsed, and I had to get on there and know the exact point. I mean, we all know that our attention spans are very minute now, like a fish. One lap of the fish bowl, and we've like moved on. There's a lot of like analytics about, you know, you've got to grab someone in the first three seconds of a reel with a hook or something in order to capture their attention. That's how quickly we move on. That is the pace of the world. And so asking yourself really about whether or not it's actually perfection that we need, or whether or not it's the tolerance of being seen and just showing up. And that's exactly what allowed me to feel safer in being seen was exposure to it. It was getting on there and not having a script around what I was going to say, just an idea. And I would say it and then I would post it, and then I would leave it alone. I wouldn't analyze it, I wouldn't go over it. And you know what? The more I did that, the more I became comfortable about it. And I proved to myself that you know nothing bad happened. In fact, often when I turn up without an agenda and I just say what's up my heart, or I'm giving you a review on whatever ice cream or sweet treat or whatever it might be that I am fixated on at the moment, that's where I get a lot of engagement because like it's real and people want that. Yet we tell ourselves it's going to be safer when it's perfect. What if perfection is actually found in authenticity? And with authenticity comes mistakes and learning and growth and not getting it right all the time. And this is where procrastination can start to feel like you're getting in your own way. Because there's a part of you that genuinely wants to move forward. And then there's another part of you that genuinely just wants to stay in protection mode. Just let's just protect you from what that exposure might bring for you. So you end up with this quiet push-pull, and you think about the thing that you want to do, and you feel the importance of it, and you might even feel a sense of excitement about it, and then almost at the same time, you feel resistance just enough to slow you down, just enough to apply the brakes, just enough to delay you. And what happens in people a lot is that often this can turn into frustration because it doesn't match how you see yourself. You want it. You know you're capable of it. You know you're not someone who avoids things for no reason, yet it still keeps happening. And what tends to shift when you can like when you actually can make a shift in this is when you are no longer at war with yourself. When you're no longer forcing yourself to push through it or tell yourself a story that if you just become more disciplined, then you'll be able to do the thing. It's actually about getting a bit more honest about what's actually coming up for you in those moments. So instead of asking yourself, why can't I just get my shit together and do this? Perhaps the better question might be to ask, what about this makes me or this feel uncomfortable? And can I just invite you to sit with whatever comes up? It might be that it feels more visible than you ever realize. Having that conversation with someone and telling them how you actually feel about something, that might make you feel a deep sense of vulnerability. It might actually show them that this really matters to you. What if it doesn't matter to them? It might actually be that you realize in that sitting with it that this matters more to you than you've been acknowledging. Or that there's a fear of how it might reflect on you if it doesn't work out. And when you can see that clearly, the whole situation starts to make more sense. This is not a motivation problem that you need to fix. You're responding to something that feels real, finally. Not the excuses, not the delay tactics, not the escape strategies. You start to ask yourself better questions that allow you to go, what am I actually afraid of here? And this is such a poignant topic for so many people. Whenever I put a poll up saying is procrastination something that you struggle with, it is overwhelmingly yes from those that respond. So much to the point that in the self-sabotage solution group program, I actually spend two weeks working with my clients on this topic. Because once you start to understand what is really sitting underneath your patterns, whether it's prast procrastination or avoidance or hesitation, you stop fighting with yourself in the same way. And you actually start working with what's there. What is the issue here? For what purpose am I doing this? And that's when things start to move. And I don't mean temporarily, I mean in a way that feels really sustainable. One woman just entered the self-sabotage solution, and within two weeks, she's like, I joined it for this reason, and I can already see that this has the capacity to change the entire way that I show up in my life. That's how deep we go in the self-sabotage solution. So if this is something that you've been noticing in your own life, you're not alone. Every single person that gets on these calls in the self-sabotage solution, there is so much unity in their experience. And if you want that sense of community and to explore these issues, such as procrastination, more deeply in a really supported space, then I'm going to put in the show notes the link to the wait list for the next round of that program. And you can read all about it from my website and you can find out the information. It is a 12-week program. You get me for three months at a really, really affordable price. And we cover all different topics. Procrastination, yes. Perfectionism, yes. Overthinking, yes. Performing, yes. Because these, there is a commonality in this experience for people. And until we understand what is truly the root cause underneath these behaviors, we will just keep repeating them. And so for now, if you take anything from this conversation today, let it be about this. Procrastination is not about you not caring. I think you care very deeply in a way that feels a little more vulnerable than you're probably used to. And once you can see that, you can actually start to meet yourself differently. Thanks for spending time with me today on To Al Core. If something landed in your heart or gave you a much needed giggle, consider sharing it with a friend who also may need this as a timely reminder. And go on. You know you want to. Give me a five-star review so that this podcast can land in the ears of many, many more people. Because remember that life is too short to stay on the surface. Keep living, loving, and laughing all the way to your core. Go make life great. And if you want support around this, go to the show notes to find out more. Until next time, I'll meet you back here with more truth, laughter, and a whole lot of heart.