Episode 36: Guest Episode - From Burnout to Breakthrough

In this inspiring interview, Stacey shares her journey of personal reinvention, balancing motherhood, travel and building a new travel business. Discover insights on trust, confidence and embracing change to live a fulfilling life.

Main Topics:

• Stacey's background in travel and how her passion shaped her career transition
• The pivotal moment - her father's passing - and how it catalysed self-reflection
• Overcoming the fear of change and the inner critic’s role in decision making
• The significance of trusting your gut and listening to inner wisdom
• Managing identity across different life roles without losing oneself
• The power of authenticity and vulnerability in online presence
• Strategies for building confidence and resilience through repeated action
• Lessons learned about self-worth, self-care, and not sacrificing happiness
• How support systems and relationships influence life's big decisions
• Practical tools: pros and cons lists versus internal curiosity questions

Connect with Stacey:

• SH Travel Managers: 

Connect with Katie

• Instagram
• Katie Murray Coaching Website

Remember: Your biggest leaps come from trusting your inner voice and embracing the discomfort of growth. If you're contemplating a significant change, ask yourself - what if it turns out better than I ever imagined?

Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:00

Welcome. This is to our core with Katie Murray, and this is the place where we peel back our layers to uncover who we really are at our centre. At our core. And think of it as a chat with your bestie, the one who can make you laugh until your belly hurts, who is ridiculously unfiltered and will lovingly call you forward to help you cut through the noise and get real with yourself. Around here, nothing is off limits. And we are mixing this up with equal parts humour and heart. So let's dive right in. Hey, hey, hey, and welcome back to the show today. I am joined by the wonderful Stacey, a mum, a travel agent, and a self-confessed Disney obsessive who has turned her passion for adventure into a full-on way of life. Whether she is planning the perfect family getaway or chasing unforgettable memories with her little one, Stace absolutely ensures that she brings joy and wonderlust to everything that she does. And I cannot wait to hear more of her story today. And I'm so excited for you to know more about Stacey's story. So welcome to the podcast, Stace. I'm so happy to have you here. Thank you. Thanks for having me. I'm excited, a little bit nervous, but I'm excited to be here. No, we're not recording this. This is not going out to thousands of people all over the world. We're just gonna ignore that. Now, Stace, we have known each other for a few years now, probably about four years, would it be? Yeah, I think so. Do you want to share how we first crossed paths and what your experience was like for me? Did you hate me? Did we like, oh god, she's not my jam?

SPEAKER_02 1:47

No, this is a safe place. Uh no, so we met, yeah, it would have been about four years ago. I think I first came across you um through BBM, Body by Madison, the nutrition program, and you'd won the previous challenge, and I was looking to join the next challenge. And I saw, I remember seeing like your transformation photos and thinking, wow, that's amazing. And then listening to your podcast with Mads and just a lot of things resonated. And then obviously we met through BBM um just at the catch-ups, and then you were mindset coach, I was ambassador. So we kind of just built a friendship from there. And um, yeah, I'm really grateful our paths cross because you've given me plenty of words of wisdom over the time.

SPEAKER_00 2:33

Yeah, I I specifically remember some over some beverages um at one of the events where I was uh I don't I mean, I don't know. There was a point that you maybe called me a sex therapist at one point. I think so. Yeah. You were like, wow, that's illuminating. Um so I mean, conversations is one thing I can guarantee with me. They often go rogue and you never know where they're gonna go. Um it was such a pleasure being able to work with you in that broader space of coaching. So I absolutely was a participant or a member of Body by Madison. For those people that have been following the podcast from the very start, I think it was episode two. I had Madison on there. She gave me my first gig as a mindset coach after I'd been working with her as a client in relation to my health and well-being. And we realized that there was a gap in her business in regards to the mindset component that I could contribute and complement the work that she does around nutrition and fitness, or she did at that time. And so it was such a beautiful journey for me to move from being a participant to being part of the team to then like working with you in a grow like a broader context in regards to I didn't do one-to-one coaching with you, but you jumped on some of the masterclasses that I did and and stuff. It was so beautiful to see you flourish in that space. And then you actually became an emba ambassador yourself of Body Bomadicine, as you do with a lot of things, don't you? How many ambassadorships do you have at the moment? Look, I think there's only two at the moment. Oh, I think it's okay. Yeah, even well, as running your own business and everything else. I mean, we we will get to that.

SPEAKER_02 4:20

Yeah, yeah, that's that's a whole other story.

SPEAKER_00 4:23

So just one rogue question. Um just for now, um, because there'll probably be about 17 more rogue questions coming your way. Has showing up online for you always been something that's natural and easy to do? Like with ambassadors ambassadorships, you often have like a very public um obligation to show up for brands and be able to like talk to camera about products. Has that something that's been quite natural for you or is it something that you have battled with internally?

SPEAKER_02 4:55

Look, I I don't think it's overly natural. Um, you know, to start with, I was very much like, you know, would do take after take after take, like to try and get the right one. Now I'm kind of like a one-shot, if it works, it works. Like this is me, and this is um this is what you're getting. Also, I I don't have probably the time to be sitting there, you know, spending hours and hours. But I think I've always had the performance y um aspect of of being a dancer, being a performer. So I've always had that. Um so I guess showing up in front of camera is a little bit easier for me. Um but it's it is what you see is what you get.

SPEAKER_00 5:38

Yeah, and it's interesting that you talked about like at the start, it felt like you needed to get it right. Um, and then often confidence is built, isn't it, when you just do repetition and then you realize actually there is no right. And sometimes the um outtakes and the bloopers and the not so perfect or right versions are actually the ones that allow us to connect more deeply with people because they see the real human.

SPEAKER_02 6:05

I think people definitely appreciate the authenticity more than you know the scripted um, you know, details. So but def people just want you to be real. So I think that's the big thing.

SPEAKER_00 6:18

Yeah. And I think that anyone that follows me and my Instagram or listens to this podcast, you're in the wrong place if you want fake and perfectionism, because I I cannot, I cannot live up to that, uh, nor do I aspire to live up to perfectionism. Now, as I've known you um in those few years, and also probably well before I've known you, you have moved through some really significant life changes over the past few years, including a new relationship and a new business, and what feels like from our conversations is really a whole new chapter. And when you look back at who you were even three or four years ago when we first met, what's the most striking difference that you notice?

SPEAKER_02 7:08

I think as well, just to go back even further. Yeah, great.

SPEAKER_00 7:14

Take us like take us back. We've got look snaps.

SPEAKER_02 7:18

If I go back to like a really um pivotal moment in my life, it's about seven years ago, so 2019, I I look back and as a really big moment in my life. I was at the time married, um, had a young child, the marriage was going through, let's say, a rocky stage. It was coming to an end, um, and I just didn't really know how to get out of it. And then it seems really harsh to say, or hard, but my dad passed away.

SPEAKER_04 7:54

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 7:54

And it was at that moment that I was like, if nothing changes, nothing changes. Am I just gonna stay here forever? Life is way too short to not be happy. Um, so I literally a few weeks after my dad passed, I packed up mine and Noah's things and went to my mum's. And it was hard, but obviously grief is a tricky thing, and we all kind of needed each other. Um, so mum needed me as much as I needed her at the time. So I stayed there for a while before kind of starting to rebuild my life for Noah and I, and then I spent the next probably couple of years really just focusing on me and building a new life for Noah and I. And it was hard, but I found myself in that time. Um, so I saw so many changes in myself, just being more confident, being happier, just finding the old space that I'd really lost in probably not only a relationship, but being a new mum, I'd kind of lost myself a bit. So from there I kind of just started investing in myself more with self-care and you know, going to the gym. And and if you'd asked me, gosh, at the time I think I probably met you three or four years ago, I would have told you I'd be single forever. Um I would have been a little bit more. I believe you did tell me that.

SPEAKER_00 9:20

You had no interest in getting into another relationship. I was like, oh, that sounds um like something that is very definitive. And normally when we make those really definitive like stories or rules for us, there's normally a a root cause that's much bigger behind that story.

SPEAKER_02 9:37

Yeah. And I think though, I think I was just really content with my life, but with Noah and I, just the two of us. I was happy and content and we were building this really fun life that I just like to, you know, create adventures and have fun. And I so I had no intentions of being in a relationship. And then about two and a half years ago, I kind of crossed paths again with um my now partner, Julian. Um, and we hadn't seen each other for about eight to ten years. We had a lot of mutual friends, we'd both just gone off and done life um our separate ways. Um, and then we kind of just yeah, we started hanging out and connected and dated, and then we've been together for yeah, the last two years. So that was a huge change for me. And I'm looking back of me saying, Oh, I'd never have another relationship to now that I'm so again happy, content. He's amazingly supportive. He has an incredible relationship with Noah. Um, Noah absolutely adores him, and that was my biggest worry, I think, with bringing someone else into our lives was well, Noah's my obviously my main priority, and I just want him to be happy and comfortable. So it was a kind of a a slower um introduction, but uh Noah absolutely adores him. And um, so I'm really grateful. And then I feel like the last, yeah, the last 12 months I've then worked on myself a bit more and worked out what I wanted to do career-wise, and now here we are and I've got a new business.

SPEAKER_00 11:15

Yeah, you do. Yeah, you do. Before we get on to talking about your career pivot and and the new future trajectory, and you and I were in our each other's DMs quite a lot in looking at um, you know, what that shift was gonna look like for you, because you know I'm always gonna be your cheerleader and my DMs are always open to you. When you think about your contentment in being just with Noah, which I bel like I know you well enough to know that that was very genuine. Was there also a part of you that was protective of what you had with him and also um protective due to how relationships have ended in the past? That you're 100% making that definitive decision because the thing that cropped up for me when you were so hard and fast about no, I'm not interested in any way. And when I talk about that root cause being under the, you know, is that a cue or a a little bit of um indicator that perhaps there's something underneath that um is unresolved for you in the space of why would you need to make a rule about that? Um if if you were just if you were absolutely truly content.

SPEAKER_02 12:43

Yeah, I just I think like I said, I'd worked really hard on creating this life again for just Noah and I. And I thought bringing someone else in, like, I don't want to disrupt that. And we're okay. I just think I thought that I was like, I'm I'm happy like by myself, obviously with Noah, but I'd I'd come to this point where I'd found myself again, and I kind of didn't want anyone to disrupt like our family life at home, but I I was kind of like, well, I don't want to lose myself again, which I did in my in my marriage. I really lost myself. And I I guess I was scared of losing that again, um, bringing someone else in and then worrying about the what ifs of things that had happened because you know there's trauma from my last relationship. I and I probably do unintentionally bring things in, um, as kind of I think we all do, but I didn't want uh that to take over and have the worries and stresses that I had in that past relationship into a new one. So I was kind of like, well, it's just easier to be by myself.

SPEAKER_00 13:48

Yes, yeah, the familiar discomforting, isn't it? Like I I control this, I know how to manage this, it's completely familiar to me. Uh bringing someone else in is completely unknown. And you're right, I do see a pattern of a lot of people when they move into new relationships that some of those past uh familiarities um can creep into new relationships. And I just celebrate you in being willing to change your mind, like change your mind and be open because I think it's not about whether or not a decision is right or wrong. I think it's our ability to pivot when we decide that actually we can be open-minded enough to another option, another reality for us. And so for you, when you made that decision, was there a part of you like you've talked about finding yourself again? Was there a part of you about a relationship with someone else is actually just as much about me and being Stacy as opposed to being mum to Noah?

SPEAKER_02 14:57

Yeah, I I think that's the great thing about my relationship now is he just lets me be me. Um and he loves me for who I am. Um and even sometimes we'll you know, we'll go back to like two and a half years ago when we first reconnected again, and I'll say different things about things might have changed, and he's like, but like I like I I fell in love with you then and I it's you. He's like, I it's just the person you are. I think we have a lot of like similarities. Um but yeah, he just lets me be me. So I I think that was a big thing for me to be able to open up because I didn't have to pretend to be someone else, or I didn't have to worry that I'd lose myself again to try and change to be someone else to fit what he wanted. I just I was kind of like, again, what you see is what you get, and then this is me, and take it or leave it. And but when I opened up to him about, you know, past traumas and things like that, we've we've cut to a really great place where, you know, we both lack some things, we're better at other things, but we worked really hard with communication in particular about our past traumas. Um, and yeah, like I said, he just he I think we both just let each other be ourselves, which we probably both haven't had in previous relationships.

SPEAKER_00 16:17

That's so great. And also he's uh reassured by the fact that you've always got travel handled. So look, I believe. I don't know whether he thinks that's a good or bad thing. I don't know. He's got a pretty big party coming up this year, doesn't he? In regards to like celebrating Miles' going birthday that I've seen on your Instagram in regards. I mean, I'd pretty be pretty happy to be partnered with someone that managed to organize me a trip away. Is it Mexico that you're going to?

SPEAKER_02 16:43

We're going back to Mexico, yes, for his birthday back. Yeah, yeah. Well, we went last year for my 40th, so he then had to pick somewhere to go, and we he chose to go back just a different area. But look, I in terms of travel, he's very happy because he doesn't have to organise anything. He I do it all. I literally carry his passport, check him in, you know, probably like I pack most of his stuff because I can't deal with how he packs without packing cubes. I just I do everything.

SPEAKER_00 17:13

So he's so when you say we just accept each other as we are, you accept him as long as we get to pack for him. Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 17:21

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 17:22

So you have moved, like after 20 years of travel as an employee. Yeah. You were now running your own business. What was it that finally made you say, it's time to do this for myself? Was there a moment or was it more of a slow build for you?

SPEAKER_02 17:39

No, I turned 40.

SPEAKER_00 17:41

Everything changes after you turn 40. Like, seriously, for the people that are approaching 40 and they think their lives are over, it's about to get started. It is about to get started.

SPEAKER_02 17:50

I think it was probably about this time last year I I had the thought, and I probably reached out to you at the time because we had many conversations about this, and I I was thinking about how I could, what I was going to do moving forward, um, whether that be to stay in travel, to go into a completely different career. I was just having, look, I don't know, I'd say midlife crisis, but I was having a little bit of a moment of, oh my gosh, I'm turning 40. I don't want to look back on my life in 20 years' time and go, oh, I really wish I'd done that. Or what if I'd done that? How would my life look now? So when I turned 40, I was like, what am I gonna do? And I sat down and wrote down, you know, pros and cons of my job and my where I was employed and different things. And it came down to the fact that I still love travel. I still love booking travel, organizing travel. So I was like, well, I still love travel, I but something needs to change because I don't want to be on this, you know, hamster wheel for the next 20 years. So I was like, I either take the plunge and go out on my own. And so I decided, yeah, it took me, I I wasn't a quick um decision made. I probably took a good six months to decide going back and forth and will I won't I. Um, but thankfully I've got amazing support with friends, family, and um, and everyone kind of backed me. So I was like, well, I've got to give it a go. I just don't want to live with that regret of not trying. I'd rather fail um than not try at all.

SPEAKER_00 19:22

Yeah, and it's such a small world because I just saw one of my other clients who is Katie, who's been on the podcast earlier on, um, she tagged you and your business, and she's off on a jet-setting holiday today with it all organized.

SPEAKER_03 19:37

And I'm like, that's my girl's days. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 19:40

Yeah, great. Okay, so when you think about that decision, and I mean 40 being the pinnacle of you wanting to pivot and change directions, I'm really interested in the pros and cons list because did that give you a clear, definitive answer, or was it just illuminating what you loved?

SPEAKER_02 20:04

Probably more just illuminating that I did still love travel. Um I I was really comfortable with where I worked, but I kind of had moved to a point where I couldn't go any further in my in my career. Um, I was managing and I couldn't really do much more than that. Um so I was kind of like, and I I did have some flexibility with my work, which I was really lucky, but the flexibility then compared to now what I have um with my own business of, you know, if I need to take Noah to an appointment, if I just need to take a day to myself, I can without having to worry or ask someone else. Um, you know, even just to go to the gym. I always had the flexibility to be able to do that, but I I myself felt guilty of, oh my gosh, I'm gonna be late. You know, I'm gonna be letting someone else down. I'm a real people pleaser. So um I'm gonna be letting someone else down.

SPEAKER_00 21:01

Let's get to that, shall we? Do a whole coaching session on people pleasing.

SPEAKER_02 21:05

Oh, honestly. So I think, yeah, it it definitely defined that I still love travel. Um, I just needed to shift to something else.

SPEAKER_00 21:15

Did the pros and cons list help you with your decision about leaving or starting your own business? And there is a reason why I'm saying this is because first of all, you answered the question. Do you feel like it helped you make the decision or just illuminate what you still love?

SPEAKER_03 21:33

I I'm I'm not sure.

SPEAKER_02 21:36

Oh, um I'm not sure if it helped me make the actual decision. Um at times I think it probably just confused me more. Um I in my head I was like, right, I'm gonna write this pros and cons list, and it was right before we went away. And I we were gonna be away a month, and I thought in my head, I'm gonna go away and I'm gonna really. Just switch off and really reflect on what I want to do and how I want to move forward and what from at the end of this trip I'm gonna know exactly what I want to do. Well, I went away on the trip and I came back and I did not think about work once and I didn't think about what I was gonna do. It might have had something to do with that. I just I'd really just yeah, cocktails, but I'd switched off completely and I was like, well, I um and that was probably a a con in one way because I had switched off knowing that I could let walk away from my job and leave my work with someone else and not have to then take that on. Whereas now obviously it's my own business. If we're away, I still have to be available to some degree. I'm still get to be out of office. You still get to be. Yeah, like I I yeah, it's completely different. So I don't know if the pros and cons I I think I'm not really sure to be honest, if it helped or not.

SPEAKER_00 22:57

And that's the the reason why I've like circled background to that question a couple of times is because for people that are listening that have got a really big decision to come up with, the pros and cons list is not the most effective way of doing that because what actually runs the show of those pros and cons lists is often your unconscious mind telling you what it wants you to follow. And your unconscious mind's number one priority is to keep you alive and keep you in survival. And so when people are writing pros and cons and there is a risk associated with change, often they can start to really ham up unconsciously the pros and the benefits to staying exactly where they are. And just an invitation to anyone that's currently going through that at the moment, still do the pros and cons. However, when it comes to a decision, some more curious questions might be more useful. And if you were listening to this episode going, oh my God, yes, and also I'm wondering why I'm not getting the clarity that I want from the pros and cons, I invite you to send me a DM and say, Katie, can you send me some prompts or questions that might support me in decision making? Um, because I know that you slid into my DMs a couple of times and was like, I don't know. And I uh came back with quite some forthright uh questions for you to explore in that. Yeah. And so when you're looking at obviously you've launched a new business, you're navigating a relatively new relationship. I mean, you probably bypassed the the honeymoon phase two years in, and also you're raising Noah or all whilst reinventing this new version of what career looks like for you. That can sometimes feel like a lot to hold. And you may or may not have heard me correct your language then when you were saying, I have to still respond to my business. I'm like, you get to, you get to, babe. It's a choice. This is this is choice that you have now created, and it allows you more flexibility and choice to be able to be there as you need with Noah. It allows you to schedule your holidays without needing permission from a boss to be able to approve that, and also you get to use that choice in how you run your business, and that means that it becomes a lifestyle as opposed to something that you do as work and then you do as motherhood, and then you do as being a partner, and that it's all siloed. An analogy that I often give people when they're talking about identity and who they are is if you imagined that you had a bird's eye view of a house plan, and there was walls and there was a dining room, and then there was a lounge, and then there was a separate kitchen, and then down the hallway there was bedrooms and a bathroom, and you looked at that as in your life and your identity of who you are. Would you be different people in each room that you entered? And what would it look like if the walls melted into the floor and you just got to be? And this is life, and it's multifaceted, and you will take on different roles and functions in each of those, however, you yourself at your core stay the same. And so I've heard about like when you were talking earlier about losing yourself in that relationship, when you look at all of the change and the evolutions and iterations of space that has come before and is now coming in front of you. Have how have you learned to manage it all without losing yourself in the process? So that identity piece of I get to be the same person in every room that I enter.

SPEAKER_02 26:45

It's a juggle, it's a real juggle. Um I think the big thing for me is I've learnt, and it's probably only been in the last, I would even say this year since launching my launching my business, learning to say no. Um, because like I said to you before, I'm a real people pleaser.

SPEAKER_00 27:06

So I'm just gonna in regards to your language. I am statements are very embodied. Okay. So like here she goes again. She always picks my language apart. I don't like one of my specialties that I do in coaching is around linguistics. And so Stace and anyone else that is listening to this episode, when you hear when you notice and observe that you're saying statements like I am, it means that you have created an identity around that. Now you've said twice on the podcast, I am a people pleaser. How could we reframe that so it was it's more indicative of the stace that came before even today?

SPEAKER_03 27:52

Oh.

SPEAKER_00 27:53

Stace is like, this wasn't one of the questions you sent through. You've gone wrong. Um oh, look.

SPEAKER_02 28:03

I think all I can think about is people pleaser. That's all I can think of in my head.

SPEAKER_00 28:09

I learning is a great bridge word because it can help us when we still resonate with parts of that behavior. That if we just go, I am like something completely opposite. Like I'm confident, I don't give a stuff about anyone else. I speak my mind or do it, can feel quite stretchy and far-fetched for our brain if we still feel that inclination to lean in and self-sacrifice for other people's benefits. Adding a bridging word like I am learning, so I am learning to prioritize my own well-being and needs instead of sacrificing myself, can be a useful way of creating new uh identity frames for you to start stepping into. Go on.

SPEAKER_02 28:58

I am learning to not be such a beach people pleaser, but I think that's for me, I find it really difficult to say no. And so I take on and I'll continue to to say yes and take on things, even if it's completely exhausting me. And I've I'm learning that I can't, it's that saying of you can't pour from an empty cup. So if I'm saying yes to every little thing and person, I then can't be pr like I can't be present as a mum, as a partner, but also for myself, I then lose all my time of being able to do things for myself. So I think for me, it's being able, as uncomfortable as as it is at times, being able to say no, even in the past few months to things that I'm that I would have 12 months ago said to you, yeah, I'll take that on, yeah, I'll do something else. Um, especially in regards to I love to to jump on and go, yeah, I'll organise that event, yeah, I'll do that. I'll but learning to say no to things has been a big one for me in the last few months.

SPEAKER_00 30:04

Yeah, because you probably do love to organise those things. It's about finding the balance, isn't it? About, you know, I would love to, and also right now in my time management, that's can't be a priority for me right now. And I loved your use of the word I am learning. Um because we we know that when we learn, we won't always get it perfect. So it removes the perfectionism. It means that sometimes you might lean back into that people-pleasing uh tendency, and also it doesn't like that's just part of growth and evolution, yeah. And you talked about it feeling uncomfortable, yet how many uncomfortable things have you actually encountered in your life and survived and been just fine? So, I mean, facing the discomfort of like everything that you have been, change in itself can bring up a lot of old stories and self-doubt. So, for you, what has been the biggest internal obstacle that you have had to work through to back yourself in this new direction, particularly in being like self-sufficient in regards to income, career, being your own boss?

SPEAKER_02 31:13

Yeah, I think again, if we go back probably three years ago as a single mum, um, I probably wouldn't have gone, yeah, I'm gonna launch my own business. Uh, but having that support emotionally and like financially of someone else, um, and knowing that that um, like I said, my partner backs me, my family backs me, having that and giving me the confidence of when I have that self-doubt of, oh my gosh, can I do this? And I've had I had many a moment of I don't think I can do it, what if this happens, what if it doesn't go well, but it comes back to that, well, at least I tried. It I tr I tried and maybe it didn't work, but at least I tried instead of living with that regret. So it's definitely a confidence thing for me. Um, and just worry of, you know, worrying about how things might pan out and how they might go and anything can happen. I mean, I launched a business and then uh a war started. So it it's like but you know, other people I know launched travel businesses and COVID hit. Like there's always gonna be something. I think if I stood back and said, I'm not gonna do it this year because this has happened or this might happen, I I would be there in 20 years' time still in an office job procrastinating on what I should have done with my life.

SPEAKER_00 32:41

Um life happens, doesn't it? So it's whether or not we're gonna step into being at cause and take charge of it and really see what are our choices here. And when you were talking about, you know, what if this happens, what if that happens, can I ask you when you were feeling that self-doubt, how often were you imagining that it turned out better than you ever imagined?

SPEAKER_01 33:08

Oh, probably not as much as I should have.

SPEAKER_02 33:12

It was the other people that was kind of in my ear going, you know, you're you're really like pumping me up, going, You're great at your job, you know, you've very experienced, you've done this for such a long time. Why wouldn't it work? And yeah, I probably it you focus on the negative. Um, I definitely did. And going back to that pros and cons list, I definitely probably focus more on the negatives and what could happen. But um yeah, it's I definitely looking back now, I I'm so grateful I made that leap and that jump. It's been such a great decision for me that I go, oh my gosh, I can't like you know, it's that I can't believe I didn't do this sooner, or I can't believe it's it's going as well as it is. So it's definitely I could have had a lot more positivity positivity in my ear from myself.

SPEAKER_00 33:58

And yet you still took action. So and the reason why I highlighted that point was because people often talk about, oh, I'm not creative, I don't have a good imagination. And I'm like, you imagine stuff all the time. It's just probably worst-case scenarios that you spend all your time imagining. We have been all given imaginations, and we can spend as much time, if not more, focusing on what if this turns out better than I ever imagined? What if this great opportunity lands in my lap? What if I put my name out there and actually I'm overwhelmed with all of these inquiries, uh, wanting my expertise, you know, what like get better problems is what I say to my clients. Get better problems where you are like, okay, how can I? Like, how can I lean into this knowing that my survival rate is 100% through everything that I've ever navigated in my life. And so many people do stay in the familiar because it feels safe. And that's why I was not surprised when you said that your cons list was probably quite heavy because that's the unconscious mind that's just going, just stay safe, just stay in what you know. And it's it like I I think the inner critic, the unconscious mind, it gets a bad rap. It's not, it's not out to get you, it's not out to deliberately sabotage you. It just thinks it's like doing the absolute best thing it possibly could ever do for you, which is to keep you alive. It, however, does not know the difference between the threat that, you know, a bear poses to you in the woods, which luckily in Tasmania we don't have no bears. Um, you might know more about that if you're making travel recommendations for people in Canada. Um, however, like it does not know the difference between that and an email that's landing in your inbox or notifications on your Instagram or an unknown, unfamiliar career change that you are gonna leap into. The threat system doesn't have a scale of, oh, this one is warranted to have a uh two on the Richter scale in terms of response. It just goes, I am potentially at threat, and it responds in a way that it's like death. When really it's change, it's just change. And so when you look at that, I know that you said you were 40 and that was a real evaluation time for you in your life. Was there one thing that gave you the courage to step away from the security of that 20-year career? Or was it just a combination of that family support, partner support time in your life where you felt you had the greatest flexibility? Or was there a moment that you went, you know, what? Fuck it, let's fuck it and find out, is um a saying I often say with my clients, you know, what would it look like if we went fuck it and find out?

SPEAKER_02 36:50

Yeah. I I don't think there was any one big moment. It was more, I think, me looking back over the space of once I'd kind of put planted the seed in my mind of, oh, maybe this is something I could do and go out on my own, was I had that, why am I working so hard for someone else when I could be doing it for me and my family? Um, but I had this real fear of of letting people down. Um, and I think we had that conversation like a lot. Leaving so worried about it. I was so yeah, because I had I have, well I still do have such a a close relationship with um with a lot of the the girls at my previous job, and I had this real fear of letting them down and losing that relationship we had because I'd left and resentment and everything like that. So I don't I don't think it was more once I got to a point where we had open conversations about this is how I'm feeling, I I don't think this is for me anymore, I need to try this. And when they were so open and like took the news well, I think it would have been completely different if it had been shut down and and a wall had gone up and I then would have doubted myself even more to go, oh well, it's just too hard because I'm gonna be letting too many people down. Whereas I think over the time we have many conversations and the more conversations I had, and you know, the closer it got to the time of me start oh like starting my own business, the more I was like, right, this is the right decision, it's gonna be great. And that's when I kind of, you know, talked myself up a bit more. So I don't think I had any one moment. It was that over that time of of just being sick of is not probably the right word, but you know, I've just I was exhausted. I was probably burnt out and I didn't, I didn't even realise. Um and it wasn't until I stepped away and realized that I was like, oh, I am quite exhausted and burnt out and I need to do this for me and my family.

SPEAKER_00 38:55

There's so much gold in what you just said, um, particularly around it's so common for people to come and talk to me about worrying about relationships changing and that everything's so great and that they're worried that the honesty about how they're feeling is gonna negatively impact that. And I know that that's conversations that you and I had in regards to this big change for you, and it's also can apply to like particularly women in so many different aspects of their life. And what I say to them is, so you're telling me that this relationship is amazing and that's what you don't want to change. And they're like, Yes. And I'm like, great, well, if it's that strong, wouldn't they want you to be happy? Wouldn't they want to be your greatest supporters? Wouldn't they want to see you going after what you want in life? And then they're kind of like, Yeah, yes, I yes, I guess they would. And so it's like you either there is either a fear there that the relationship is actually not as strong as what they're making out, or it's actually got nothing to do with the person and they're just like gaslighting them because they're the person that hasn't like been let in the loop yet. So it's easy. There's no challenge. If someone doesn't know that you're about to have an honest conversation with them, then we can say, Oh, we can make up whatever story we want about how they're not gonna respond positively, and then we kind of shift the blame to like we're protecting them, we're just like we're just looking after them and our relationship when really it's about finding that inner courage to go, well, actually, if I think this relationship is strong enough or is that amazing, then it can handle this. And in fact, that's when they're gonna show up for me and be the person that I've always said they are. And so I'm I'm really glad that you talked about that, and I'm glad that you lent in for support and that I could help you in that space with the honesty around that. I'm wondering, like in all facets of your life though, like even in our previous work together, when you were a client of BBM and I was a mindset coach, was there a shift in how you saw yourself? Because I I really do believe that all change, internally, externally, start incrementally building that confidence that you talked about, that courage to actually do things differently and go, you know what? Fuck it, let's find out. And when you were talking before about, you know, I just was so exhausted and I was just so tired. When I've got clients coming to me, I normally see them at that point because it is the exhaustion and the tiredness, and they're just so sick of the same shit that it gets so uncomfortable that they can't remain in it. And that's what prompts the change. Not because people are like, life's good and because life can be good, yeah, and also very unfulfilling. And so I'm wondering over the course of the last seven years, because you went back further to when your dad passed away, that shift in how you saw yourself, how has that contributed now to the change and the decisions that you started to make in your life seven years later?

SPEAKER_02 42:13

Yeah, I think we probably had a moment at the BBM retreat. And I remember doing um a lot of work with you over that weekend, and you know, we wrote wrote down a lot about how we saw ourselves, and I really realized that weekend that I didn't value myself enough, which came back to again previous relationships and triggers that I just I didn't, and it probably goes back to when we were saying about you know me putting a wall up and going, I don't want a relationship because I didn't feel like I I didn't feel like I deserved love or I deserved the happiness that I was being given because that was very early in in my relationship, and I I remember getting quite emotional at the time because I was like, Well, I do I do deserve love, and I think that's why I was so happy and content by myself because I loved myself and I'd really found myself again, but I didn't know if anyone else could love that ver like the the real me. Um and so I guess over the space of you know seven years I've I've worked really hard on myself, but then finding that I do deserve happiness, whether it be in a relationship or you know, in a career, I deserve to live a fulfilled life and career as well. So I think for me it's just the valuing myself. I I probably didn't value myself enough um you know, years ago.

SPEAKER_00 43:53

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 43:54

I don't even know if I answered your question properly.

SPEAKER_00 43:56

You absolutely did. Yeah. And that's the root cause that I'm talking. About. Like that, there is always something underneath, and like consciously you loved yourself and you knew that you deserved love. Unconsciously, there was a program running, and will they love me as I am? Just as I am. Okay, so being a mum to Noah while going through so much personal reinvention, how has that shaped actually the way that you show up, both for him and for yourself?

SPEAKER_02 44:26

I think Noah's as a mum, he's always been my number one priority. And like I said, when it was just us and even now, like my main goal is create to create like a great life for us, fun, full of adventures. Obviously, there's a lot of travel involved because that's just who I am.

SPEAKER_00 44:47

Oh, damn, that sounds horrible.

SPEAKER_02 44:52

I think as well, some people will say to me about traveling, I'm just used to, I traveled with my parents as a child. My dad worked for an airline, my mum's a really passionate traveler. So I always just traveled with them. So for me, it's just the norm to take him with me. Um he now I've created this little travel monster that thinks he needs to go everywhere with me.

SPEAKER_00 45:17

And so when I say you can tell him that Katie Murray once a year got taken to the Port Arthur caravan park for two weeks every January in her childhood. So he's living the dream, mate. And I had a great childhood and loved it. And also, I don't think I got on a plane. I think they took me to Queensland when I was four. That does not count because I do not remember it.

SPEAKER_02 45:39

Um well that's what Julian says. He's like, I didn't go on a plane till I was like an adult, or um, so and but I'm just so used to it because that's what I did that creating the same life for him is just normal for me. Um so we I like to create this fun. Um I also wanted to see me the the real me, but like a happy, and I think going from when he was young going into single mum life, um, that was a big priority for me, is that I wanted him the it to shift for him to see me happy. Um and we had a lot of conversations when he was, especially when he was younger, about um, you know, the breakup and parents being together and not together. And I always just used to say to him, wouldn't you rather mum be happy and like I am now than you know, in in a different, unhappy state. So I think for I think if I can show up for him as a happy mum, obviously he can't be a hundred percent of the time like that, but he's my number one priority. But he also sees me do things for me. So he sees me go to the gym, he sees me um, you know, going and doing things with my friends on a weekend that he's with his dad, that I might go away for the weekend. So he he also sees me doing things when I go away without him on a on a trap trip. It's like a longer trip. I get guilted into why are you going without me? But he also sees me do that. So he might be upset. But he's still laying on the mum guilt for all, honestly. Especially when I can see it hits. Oh, I know, and it does. I I get the mum guilts so often, like with if I go anywhere without him. But for me, it's just creating about creating that fun life for all of us. Um, but yeah, like I said, he also sees me doing things myself. So my whole life just isn't about him and his needs. He sees me doing things for me as well.

SPEAKER_00 47:37

And what are you showing him in regards to the lesson about feeling the fear and doing it anyway and going after your dreams?

SPEAKER_02 47:44

Yeah, exactly. And I want him to look and go, oh wow, look what, look what mum did, and have that, you know, have that aspire to do things as well. Something, you know, things that he wants to do in life as he gets older, um, and not live in that fear of what if the worst case scenario might happen?

SPEAKER_00 48:03

Yeah. I mean, even sharing that um imagination kind of analogy with him about like, are you using your imagination to the best of its ability and at least making it balanced between the worst case scenario and the best case scenario? So how would you describe the relationship that you have with yourself if you had to like define it in like a sentence?

SPEAKER_01 48:32

Oh, one sentence.

SPEAKER_00 48:34

Well, I mean, you can make it a paragraph. I mean, it's your podcast now, you just take it over. Strap yourself in, people. She's gonna write a novel.

SPEAKER_02 48:44

I just I think how I see myself now is much more confident than I did, you know, seven years ago. If I I actually remember, and this was a moment at the time, I thought, wow, that's a really harsh comment. But someone I saw a few years, um, a few years ago now said, Wow, like haven't seen you for years. You're looking great, you're really glowing. The last time I saw you, you were a shell of a human, and I thought, wow, okay.

SPEAKER_00 49:19

But I mean, I think that person had no issue with honesty. Um, like no, like you're hanging on the line.

SPEAKER_02 49:27

At the time I thought, wow, like uh that's that's really harsh and okay. But it stuck with me because I was like, I I absolutely was. I was a shell of myself. I was too busy trying to look after and please everyone else around me that I completely lost myself. So for me, like I often think about that moment and that conversation I had of gosh, what must I uh what must I look like to everyone else around me? But for me, I look at myself now and I'm just really proud of how far I've come in that time to not only as a single mum to create an amazing life for Noah, now uh with with Julian as well in our life, we've created a great home, um, the three of us, and and I've created a great life that I love. Um, and I'm just happy and confident in myself. So that was definitely more than um a sentence.

SPEAKER_00 50:22

I love that, and it was so worthwhile giving you the floor so that you can talk about that. How would you like you've taken that 20 years of expertise and so and you've turned it into something of your own? And what I really am curious to hear from you is, and I will absolutely tag your business in the show notes. Um, and for those that listen just and want to hear, can you do the tagline for your business on Instagram or your email address or whatever, if whatever you think that is going to stick with people or your website so that they can look you up in case they don't go to the show notes? Just yeah, sure.

SPEAKER_02 51:01

So my business name is sh Travel Managers, and that is my Instagram handle. So it's just SH Travel Managers. That's probably the easiest one, my email. So that's probably the easiest.

SPEAKER_00 51:14

And let this be a note. Uh go to the show notes, and then it will be all linked, and you can go straight to Stace's Instagram and connect with her. So curiously, I'm really keen to hear what do you want your travel business to feel like for your clients? What's the experience that you're working on creating for them?

SPEAKER_02 51:36

Yeah, I just want I want clients to come to me and try know they can trust me, feel comfortable booking with me. Over the past 20 years, I've built some amazing relationships, but essentially I'm building a business from scratch now to build my, build a whole new client base up. So I just want people to know that they can trust. As a travel agent, sometimes it's this um preconceived that we've been everywhere, know everything. I'm very open and honest and will give full disclosure if I don't know something about somewhere. I'm not definitely not ever going to wing it with someone's trip of a lifetime or holiday. I've travelled a lot and I definitely have areas that I've I've travelled to that I have expertise in and like Disneyland.

SPEAKER_00 52:26

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 52:27

Give me the states any day. Like I've I've travelled extensively around the States, for example. So I'm very comfortable and familiar. It helps that there are two like a Disneyland and a Disney World park there. So give me anything Disney America and I'm great. Um and obviously being in travel for so long, I've also booked places that I may not have travelled as much to or or at all. But I will openly, if I'm not comfortable with booking somewhere, or you come to me with something and say, This is what I want, and I don't think that's the right fit, or I'm very open with saying, I don't, I don't even think that's the right fit for for what you're looking for, or even, oh look, I'm not overly familiar with that. However, if I know someone else that is, for example, um, then I will definitely say that I'm not gonna take every booking just to get the booking in. Um booking holidays is a very emotional thing. So you have to be, you have to have that relationship with your agent. I also want people to know that they're supported when they go. So, you know, you can I'm very open with if something happens when you're away and you need to email or message like I or something happens because things always happen that are sometimes out of my control. Um, airlines, hotels, things happen. So, but knowing you've got that person back here, that even if it's something small that, oh, like I don't know, we didn't get breakfast or something, that I can then sort that out, or a travel delay, a flight delay, knowing you've got that support, because yes, I I did a post about this the other day. Yes, you can jump online and book it yourself. And it's a question I get asked a lot is people, well, we can just book it online yourself. I'm like, yes, you can, but a lot of people that I'm dealing with don't want to. They don't have the time. They don't want to sit there and research for hours and hours on, you know, where to stay, what to do. So if I can help in that way and just make people feel comfortable with booking with me and the whole experience, um, that's the vibe I want to give off.

SPEAKER_00 54:34

Yeah. And I definitely hear that brand value of authenticity and transparency and like honesty and trust that you want to create in the client experience. And I can attest to the fact that I have been out with Stace while we've been having dinner on a Friday or a Saturday night, and she has been on her emails sorting airline issues for her clients. So she's not just all talk, she actually is committed to the experience being everything that you need it to be. Just in concluding, there's a couple questions that I want to ask you. Is there something that has really surprised you, like one thing that has really surprised you about running your business so far that you didn't expect?

SPEAKER_02 55:21

Yeah, actually, social media, because I am, as you know, I'm on socials a lot from my personal life. And the feedback and the um referrals and things that I've got from social media has really surprised me because, like I said, I'm creating a whole business from scratch basically and building a client base again. And the bookings that I've got have all come from basically um, you know, people I know that have seen my posts or, you know, people that follow me, um, or friends of friends, or it a lot of them have come from yeah, social media. So that has surprised me, just the power of, you know, a real or a post, um, which is great.

SPEAKER_00 56:06

Harness that. Now, if you could go back and say one thing to the version of your few years ago, what would it be?

SPEAKER_01 56:16

That you're stronger than you realise.

SPEAKER_03 56:19

Great.

SPEAKER_01 56:20

I didn't, yeah.

SPEAKER_03 56:22

Great.

SPEAKER_02 56:22

I didn't realise how strong, sorry. Um going through everything, it's really hard when you're in the moment. But looking back, um I I was definitely and still am a lot stronger person than I was years ago.

SPEAKER_00 56:39

I'm so proud of you, Stace. For anyone standing at their own crossroads that might be listening to this podcast, whether that's in a career or a relationship or just a sense of something needs to fucking change in my life, what would you want them to hear from your story?

SPEAKER_01 57:00

Trust your gut, honestly.

SPEAKER_02 57:03

Um it is very rarely wrong. Um, there were plenty of times in my life, whether it be relationships or career-wise, that I had uh, you know, gut feelings of things and I just let them go because I didn't want to think about them. I just pushed them to the side. But I honestly believe that if you trust your gut instinct, whether it be good or bad, in in ways of my new business, like I think that was the underlying thing in the end for me was like I have this gut feeling that I can do it. Just go with your gut because I think, yeah, it doesn't, it is very rarely, very rarely wrong. And as I said previously, um for me it's again relationship, career, life, take the risk because it's we have one life, it's very short, and you know, you would rather live that life to the fullest than wonder when you're, you know, 80, 90 years old what I could have what else I could have done.

SPEAKER_00 58:10

100%. I often uh give a journaling exercise uh for my clients about when they're feeling stuck. Um, first of all, just like vent on a page, like unsolicited, just like let it all out, no analysis, nothing. And then at the end of that step out of themselves and into their 80-year-old versions of themselves and the advice that that version of themselves will give them about living life to their absolute potential and being bold and being brave, um, not outsourcing to someone else, um, actually tapping into their inner wisdom about what would the oldest version of you sitting in the rocking chair looking back on your life be begging, screaming at you to do in your the movie of your own life. So I thank you for coming on the podcast today. I thank you for being so open and candid about your journey of change and evolution and feeling the fear and doing it anyway. Um, I admire you as a mother, as a friend. Um, and I have no doubt that if I go anywhere travel-wise, I'll be hooking you up. And for anyone else that's listening to this podcast, if you have travel on your horizon, I really encourage you to reach out to Stace for that human experience of making it the best, whether it's work or play, travel, uh, the best experience that it can be. Thank you for your time, Stace. And I wish you all the best in your business. I have no doubt that you are going to be so successful because you are a success. Thanks for spending time with me today on To Al Core. If something landed in your heart or gave you a much needed giggle, consider sharing it with a friend who also may need this as a timely reminder. And go on. You know you want to. Give me a five-star review so that this podcast can land in the ears of many, many more people. Because remember that life is too short to stay on the surface. Keep living, loving, and laughing all the way to your core. Go make life great. And if you want support around this, go to the show notes to find out more. Until next time, I'll meet you back here with more truth, laughter, and a whole lot of heart.