The Dating Chit

How To Date A Rockstar Without Getting Played By The Groupies

• Tea • Episode 3

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Dating gets easier when you stop pretending you’re not afraid and start telling the truth. We sit down with Randy, the magnetic frontman of a long-running Neil Diamond tribute band, to unpack what dating looks like for a self-aware, grounded man who’s not “on the hunt” yet remains genuinely open to connection. He’s divorced, fulfilled, and very clear on his boundaries—and that clarity becomes a compass for anyone navigating midlife love.

Randy shares why he prefers women near his age, how shared culture and music deepen attraction, and the real reasons some men seek younger partners, from late fatherhood to legacy. He opens up about contentment after divorce, living alone without loneliness, and how a stable routine can actually make space for surprise. We talk about the tension between love bombing and playing it too cool, why delayed texting is often fear in disguise, and what real interest looks like: responsive messages, low-drama pacing, and planning the next date with intention.

We also dive into values as a filter—kindness to service staff, a positive outlook, and the humility to go slow. Love languages come off the page and into real life as we explore quality time, gentle physical touch, and acts of service that feel human, not performative. If you’ve wondered whether emotionally available men still exist, or how to decode midlife dating without cynicism, Randy’s perspective offers both reassurance and a practical playbook.

Listen for a thoughtful, honest conversation about autonomy, attraction, and building connection that lasts longer than chemistry. If this resonated, follow the show, share it with a friend who needs some dating clarity, and leave a quick review to help more people find us.

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Randy:

Hey you. Welcome to The Dating Chit, a space designed to help you move beyond assumptions and guesswork, so you can date and love with clarity and confidence. I'm your host, Tea.

Host Tea:

Today's guest is someone many people already know. Just not in this way. To the world, he's Surreal Neil, the magnetic frontman of Super Diamond, the legendary Neo Diamond tribute band that's been selling out shows across the country since 1993. You've seen him on The Late Show with David Letterman, CNN, Comedy Central, and even at the Hollywood Ball - twice. His Style blends nostalgia with Rockstar Edge, mixing Neil Diamond classics with the energy of Guns N' Roses and KISS. But today, you're meeting the man behind a stage. Meet Randy, a San Francisco-based boomer musician with a body of a 30-year-old, six feet tall, six pack included. Yet the calm presence of a Zen master and the honesty of someone who's truly done the work. After watching him perform, it's easy to understand why women fall for him so effortlessly. Randy isn't your average dater. He's a living reminder that self-awareness is attractive and that that real connection starts with the relationship we build with ourselves. Here today. Randy is just Randy. Divorced, self-reflective, and living a life full of rhythm, routine, and real joy. In this episode, we talk about what it's really like to date a fit, seasoned man who is attracted to women his own age. We unpack what men actually mean when they say they're not looking, but somehow still open to commitment. We get real about the emotional truth behind wanting kids later in life. And yes, we talk about some of the games men play. Whether you're a single mom or a woman wondering if good men still exist, or someone navigating midlife dating with intention and a full schedule. This episode is for you. Let's dive in. Hey Randy.

Randy:

Hey, how are you doing?

Host Tea:

I'm doing great.

Randy:

Excellent.

Host Tea:

I'm so excited to have you here today.

Randy:

Great to be here. Thank you.

Host Tea:

You look already.

Randy:

I hope so. Do my best.

Host Tea:

So, tell us about you.

Randy:

Well, I am a male, that lives in San Francisco.

Host Tea:

Good to know.

Randy:

I am single. I'm divorced. I was with my ex-wife. We were together for 20 years. And I don't know, was it seven years now since the divorce? I'm a musician. And so, you know, I don't really date a lot or anything, but I do like girls.

Host Tea:

Just girls, right?

Randy:

Just girls. Yeah. Not that there's anything wrong with anything else, but for me, it's just girls. Yeah.

Host Tea:

Okay. That's some good information.

Randy:

You know, I've been around for a while. I was born in the mid-sixties, so I'm a little older, I guess, getting close to senior citizens.

Host Tea:

You look great!

Randy:

Thank you.

Host Tea:

By the way, I want to point out to the audience. Randy has a good sense of style. He looks so good right now with what he's wearing and his hairstyle and everything.

Randy:

Thank you. Being a musician, I think it kind of makes you try to stay somewhat hip and living in the city. You don't want to be out of style. You know, I remember in the old days when like, okay, I remember when bell bottoms were popular, and then I remember when they weren't.

Host Tea:

That's fashion.

Randy:

And then of course a little later on, I remember when pants with zippers all over them, cargo pants were popular. And then I remember when they weren't. So I always don't want to I never want to be out of style and be one of those guys that's equivalent to wearing bell bottoms in the 80s, you know.

Host Tea:

We get it. Styling is important to you.

Randy:

Yeah. And being a singer in a band, I feel like it forces me to stay in shape and to try to stay as young as possible. So I I don't know. I'm lucky that being in a band, I'm able to have my weekdays free, travel on weekends.

Host Tea:

That's so good. Everybody wants to do that.

Randy:

Go play venues where friends will come to the show, so I get to see friends in Seattle, Portland, LA, whatever wherever we're playing, and then have my weekdays free to just do whatever I want and I do a little band business, keep... so where's dating fitting into your schedule? Well, you know, I'm available on a Wednesday night. I don't date that often. I try to stay home and work on music projects with most of my free time.

Host Tea:

That's incredible. You are passionate about your work and your music.

Randy:

Yeah, well, music is fun, so it's not like a job. And I do so many different types of things. My band is we're out touring, but we're playing Neil Diamond songs. And that's what we've been doing for almost 33 years.

Host Tea:

And you're not bored of that?

Randy:

No, not really. It's my goal is to always just try to get better. So I never really get bored because I'm always striving to make the show better.

Host Tea:

I love it.

Randy:

So it's great. It's always a party. So I can't complain about that.

Host Tea:

You have many friends then?

Randy:

Many friends?

Host Tea:

Yeah. Always a party, always going somewhere.

Randy:

True. And touring around the country after 33 years, I have a lot of friends all over the country because of people that I've met over those years.

Host Tea:

That's so good.

Randy:

And it's great. And then during the week, I'm usually working on writing and recording my own music, and I'm working on a new album. So I try to spend most of my time at home working on that. Or then I also have a a solo lounge act, I like to call it. Not really an act, but I just play the guitar and sing, and I do a lot of old loungy crooner songs from the old days.

Host Tea:

Sounds so chilled. All the music, loungy music?

Randy:

Yeah, loungy music. So yeah, it's a lot of love songs. It's like a lot of uh old Andy Wyans, Frank Sinatra, Dean Martin.

Host Tea:

That sounds romantic.

Randy:

Yeah, they are very romantic songs. They're beautiful. And I just kind of discovered a lot of this music just a few years ago. And it's never too late to just really get passionate about some old kind of music that's new to me.

Host Tea:

So what's your experience about love?

Randy:

Well, I was in love and then felt, you know, we divorced.

Host Tea:

You were in love with your my ex-wife.

Randy:

Yeah. And still love her, and we're still close friends, and she's one of my best friends. So that's good. We just stripped it apart, but our families are still really close. I'm close with her family, and her family's close with mine.

Host Tea:

What was her profession, I may ask?

Randy:

Data scientist.

Host Tea:

Oh wow.

Randy:

Yeah. Palo Watto Networks, you know, in the Silicon Valley.

Host Tea:

Cool.

Randy:

She's very smart. You know, I'm happy. After a divorce, I've been happy living alone, and it was kind of weird at first after being together for 20 years. Just being home alone was strange for a little while. And wondering if they're like looking behind me, make sure that anybody there? But then I got used to it really fast, and now I love living alone. And so I'm not really looking for a relationship. But if something there's some perfect person that blindsides me and steals my heart away, then uh you never know. It could happen.

Host Tea:

So you're a romantic then?

Randy:

I don't know. I didn't say that, but I think some people that I've met seem like they have to have somebody all the time. And I think that's kind of dangerous because then it's like, well, next in line, who's next? And then there was somebody else.

Host Tea:

Yeah, and I think for that type of person is never about relationship. It's about they're not good with themselves, right?

Randy:

Yeah. They're not fulfilled with their life. They need somebody to fulfill their life.

Host Tea:

And it's really hard to have a relationship, successful relationship to be in that situation.

Randy:

Yeah, there's so many different people out there. I meet a lot of wonderful, beautiful women who maybe appear to have everything, but still maybe it's not clicking a hundred percent. So I don't know, I'm not gonna settle. You shouldn't. I'm not gonna settle.

Host Tea:

No one should be. I love that. So in the past seven years since you got divorced, have you ever had a relationship, a girlfriend?

Randy:

Yeah, a few years ago.

Host Tea:

One girlfriend?

Randy:

Yeah, for six months.

Host Tea:

Oh. Did you fall in love?

Randy:

I don't think so. But just the compatibility was wonderful. Just really got along really well.

Host Tea:

Wow.

Randy:

Not sure that it was love, but just got along really well and still do.

Host Tea:

Your friends.

Randy:

She's one of my best friends, yes.

Host Tea:

So you keep your exes as your best friends.

Randy:

I guess. Maybe sometimes yeah. Why not? I think love is better than hate. Choose love.

Host Tea:

I love that message. Thank you. So may I ask what led to your breakup if you were so compatible and got along so well?

Randy:

Well, sometimes you think maybe somebody's available because maybe it just kind of portrayed that way, but then you find out they're not. They're not really available. They still haven't closed out a chapter of their life.

Host Tea:

Are you talking about emotional availability or actually they were not available?

Randy:

Actual, actually.

Host Tea:

Oh, okay. We don't have to dig further on that one now.

Randy:

I'm sorry. Complicated lifestyles these days.

Host Tea:

Yep. Only time will tell the truth.

Randy:

Yes. I don't want to be one of those people, you know, have anything to do with being a homewrecker or anything like that, or if you know what I mean.

Host Tea:

Yeah. So what did your exes love about you? What did they say to you? Or what would they say to us about you?

Randy:

How would I know that?

Host Tea:

They never tell you that?

Randy:

How would I know that?

Host Tea:

They never tell you, I love how sweet you are. I love how considerate you are.

Randy:

Well, you know, those words like, you know, with the ex-wife, I would have heard those kinds of words maybe 20 years ago. That was a long time ago. Can't remember those things. It's probably the typical things. It was probably, oh, I like that you like to sleep in too.

Host Tea:

That's what it matters to her. You sleeping.

Randy:

I don't know. You know, there's people that like to get up early, and there's people that like to get up late, and sometimes that might be a conflict.

Host Tea:

What about your girlfriend you just mentioned that you had a six-month relationship with? What did she like loved about you? Why was she with you, right?

Randy:

Well, I'm pretty sure that she often said that I'm easygoing.

Host Tea:

You are very easygoing.

Randy:

I don't get mad or upset very often.

Host Tea:

You're very chilled. I agree on that one. I believe her, yeah.

Randy:

Yeah, that's something that I think she says.

Host Tea:

What else that mattered to her, you know, now that she chose to hang out with you?

Randy:

Well, I think I remember one thing about her that I really liked, and I think maybe she liked that about me too, is that if you're out and you're being served at a restaurant, the way you treat the people and the the staff at the restaurant and and just being kind to them and I think if everybody could be kind to everyone, this world would be a better place. Absolutely. Yes. Yes. Love is better than hate. Love is the answer, always.

Host Tea:

So after her, how has dating been for you?

Randy:

I don't date much.

Host Tea:

Only on Wednesday nights, right?

Randy:

Yeah, you know, Thursday nights are tough because I've gotta catch a flight Friday morning. I want to have time to make sure I've packed everything correctly and prepared for the weekend. So um, I don't know. Sunday, Monday, Tuesday. So they're all good.

Host Tea:

Do you like, are you saying you go out with someone every week?

Randy:

No, I don't go out very often. I don't date very often. I don't even really go out much at all on like a traditional date. I don't go out to restaurants very much. I like to cook.

Host Tea:

So you don't go out to meet people, that's what they're saying.

Randy:

Right. Right. I don't go out to meet people. But sometimes if you meet somebody while you're out, it could be fun.

Host Tea:

Yeah, you're just uh going with the flow.

Randy:

Going with the flow. And because I am a musician and I'm always at parties and shows and meeting people, I get that fulfillment at work. You know, I meet people and so I don't have to really go out to meet people because I meet people while I'm at work at my shows. So I've never been on a dating app or anything. It's easy to meet women.

Host Tea:

Wow. How many men can say that?

Randy:

Being in a band is a great way to meet women. So I know lots of great women, and I just don't want to go out all the time. I don't want to go out and go to restaurants and I rarely go to movies. But I like to go to the house.

Host Tea:

They can come to your house. You make dinner for them, right? Yeah. That's very sweet and intimate.

Randy:

And then even though I'm single and I could do that every Sunday, Monday, Tuesday, or Wednesday night, I don't because I won't get any work done. I have a visitor. So I know I think I have a pretty good balance. I don't get together and cook dinner for a woman that often, but that's because we haven't met the one who really impressed you.

Host Tea:

Is that not a reason?

Randy:

I don't know. I meet and I know some wonderful, beautiful women. But I'm happy being single and living alone. And so if someday, like I mentioned, if someday I'm blindsided and all of a sudden I just have to be with somebody all the time, then that could happen. But I may it could not as well.

Host Tea:

Magic exist.

Randy:

Who knows what's gonna happen. But the good thing is, is I'm happy now and everything's great.

Host Tea:

You're in a good place. I love that.

Randy:

Yeah. A different situation because a lot of guys I know in my circle of friends, some of the same people you know, like guys that some of the my guy friends who were at that picnic, you know, in the park. A lot of those guys are looking. They're they're just I'm looking for my soulmate. That's kind of the normal. A lot of people are are like that. You know, so I feel like I'm a little bit different in this situation. I hope it it might be interesting. I'm just trying I'm trying to be honest, you know, because it's like after a 20-year relationship, like I'm a little shy about just jumping into another but some people they go from one relationship right into another, you know. That's probably more common.

Host Tea:

Yeah. And also today, so many elements contribute to people's anxieties about being alone. And somehow a lot of people are afraid to be alone and they're scared uh they will never meet the person. So they're trying to make effort for themselves out there to meet the person so they don't have to spend the rest of their life alone.

Randy:

Yeah. That's just it's people's dilemmas. The most basic need that most everybody does. Most people a lot of people meet their soulmate really young. But then a lot of people aren't happy because they didn't really they just kind of married one of their first people in high school, you know, or something like that.

Host Tea:

And nothing wrong with that. It's a journey, right? It's a learning experience. Learning about herself and learning about how relationship works.

Randy:

And of course, when you have a relationship with somebody and then have children, then it's like you have that whole life built around so..

Host Tea:

what type of woman do you date? Do you date women with kids, without kids?

Randy:

I don't have a type, but it seems like because I like women closer to my age, a lot of guys my age, you know, in their fifties or sixties, it seems like they like girls, you know, in their twenties or seems like they're always looking for somebody really young.

Host Tea:

I probably I think that's called midlife crisis, right? Yeah.

Randy:

Well, that and cars, you know, like getting a hot rod or something is all part of a midlife crisis for an older man as well. But I like women closer to my own age, and so I tend to date those women.

Host Tea:

And most of the What are the reasons to like women around your age?

Randy:

I like I'm really nostalgic about pop culture and music and and stuff like that that I grew up with. And so when I have something in common and I can talk about well, maybe in TV shows we grew up with, or music of the eighties, which was I was really into during the eighties. I loved all the alternative bands. So when I can talk to a woman about Depeche Mode, the cure, the Smiths, then it's it's really fun for me. I love that.

Host Tea:

That's very cute. So would you be with someone who is older than you?

Randy:

Yes. Probably if it wasn't too much older, but...

Host Tea:

Give us a range.

Randy:

A range. I don't know. There's I've seen and met plenty of women who are maybe like five years older, who are gorgeous and smart, and I'm attracted to them. So I'd say maybe plus five, maybe minus I could go down to I don't know, maybe late thirties, but I don't know if I could go down that that low. I think forties, fifties, up to my age, which is sixty, is is probably the best. And a lot of these women are have ch have kids, so they're single moms, and it seems like a pretty good balance because they have their life with kids, so they're not they're certainly not needy. You know, they're not needy, they've got their life and they're... and so for me it's good because I'm, I like my free time, so I'm not looking for somebody to take all my time. So a single mom could be really a great combination.

Host Tea:

I love hearing that you're talking about you're attracted to this range of um age of women because I do hear people I know, you know, the woman I know I come across they're in your in their fifties, forties, they talk about they don't find themselves to be able to date men around their age. Like definitely not younger too, because they do feel that men around their age always looking for somebody ten years younger. Is that a norm?

Randy:

I think it is a norm. It seems like a lot of guys that I know really are looking for younger women. And I mean there's some different reasons as well. Like I know some guys around my age, around the 60, 60-year-old age, who never had kids, and so they're trying to find someone young enough to have a baby with.

Host Tea:

Now you don't have that problem. You don't, do you care about babies? Do you want babies?

Randy:

I would kind of wish that I have had a child now. It's something I I have been thinking more about the last maybe decade. Because, you know, you get to the the point where you start wondering, well, as I start taking family heirlooms from my parents stuff, old things that were in the family, what am I gonna do with them someday? What am I gonna do with great grandma's plate?

Host Tea:

You're worrying about her plate?

Randy:

Yeah, the plate that always comes out at Thanksgiving, you know, or something like that. What am I gonna do with all that stuff someday?

Host Tea:

Make a baby soon.

Randy:

There's not a lot of time left, really, you know, when you're sixty.

Host Tea:

Uh you look so young, I'm sure.

Randy:

But in twenty years, and what am I gonna do with great grandma's plate? You know?

Host Tea:

You look like forty to me.

Randy:

The China... What am I gonna do with the China? And what am I gonna do with and who am I gonna leave? My fortune to no kids, no nieces, no nephews, my sister will have kids as well. So and I think a lot of guys my age are thinking that they're thinking they want to have a child, and a lot of them are. I'm seeing guys my age, or and even some older, like a year or two older, just starting the, you know, having a kid, just like in the last year.

Host Tea:

So many guys in their 60s, they have never had kids before.

Randy:

Right. Oh wow. Right. And so a lot of guys are my age are feeling that right now. They're feeling they need to have somebody that they can leave their fortune, with however big or small their fortune is. You know, I mean, even if you're just somewhat well off and you're able to like buy a place in San Francisco or something, you know, like you're not like super well off, but you're you did okay for yourself. And you start thinking, who am I you know, who do I write on my on my will? You know, because at this age you start being told only to make a a will.

Host Tea:

So all these men you just mentioned in their 60s, they can just make babies with their wife or their girlfriends, no?

Randy:

Yeah, well if their wife or girlfriend is fifty or over, maybe maybe it's harder.

Host Tea:

And these men you're talking about Still possible. I'm just super curious about what you just mentioned. These men you're talking about, they chose to have a childless lifestyle with their partner.

Randy:

Yes. But now they're having regrets.

Host Tea:

And the woman cannot have babies anymore.

Randy:

Right.

Host Tea:

So what's gonna happen to the relationship?

Randy:

Some people are getting a surrogate.

Host Tea:

I see.

Randy:

Or they're doing you know, there's all kinds of medical ways that maybe a fifty-something year old girlfriend or wife can end up. Some of them have frozen eggs. And so I see that kind of thing happening too.

Host Tea:

Okay.

Randy:

Or not as much. You'd think more people would adopt, but I could adopt. I mean, it's not out of the question.

Host Tea:

You still have time, you know, when the ideal woman comes along, you might just have a kid with her, right?

Randy:

Yes, yes. Yeah. My ex-wife was wonderful. We never had kids, but there was a couple of times when we when we kind of tried a little bit, but it didn't happen.

Host Tea:

Well, so what do you think about marriage?

Randy:

I think marriage is great.

Host Tea:

I love hearing that.

Randy:

Of course, there's so many different kinds of people, and I'm just really independent, so I don't need a wife to fulfill me, but I think if I come across the perfect person, as I mentioned earlier, then it could be wonderful.

Host Tea:

So you talk about the word perfect like one or three times already. So what is a perfect woman mean and how to define that?

Randy:

Yeah, well, I think the perfect woman would be someone you just always get each other and you never argue or misunderstand each other and just constantly have to deal with unpleasantness. And then, of course, there has to be electrifying in the bedroom. You have to have a great sex life, and you have to be attracted to them, and so all that. And then a lot of things in common, like favorite bands. It's kind of important to me. So there's so many things. So I've always thought, well, wow, online dating, maybe that would be the best way to because if online dating can match up, match me up with a woman who likes all the same bands, wow, it's really hard to meet somebody out in the wild, just naturally meeting people. Just out in the wild. To meet somebody that loves all the same bands.

Host Tea:

That would be the perfect woman.

Randy:

Well, all the things that I mentioned, you know, if you're attracted, if you have a great uh sexual relationship, if you get along really well all the time and and you like the same bands and the same like, I don't know, movies and art and stuff like that. If you have the same interests, that would be a great package. That would be a full package. You know, like maybe there's other things that could annoy you, and I don't know, maybe they're a bad driver.

Host Tea:

Or if you date an Asian woman. You can put up with that one.

Randy:

Sometimes you have to make sacrifices. So if like everything was perfect, but they're a bad driver, well, you know, maybe I could overlook that. I probably could.

Host Tea:

What other stuff can you overlook?

Randy:

I can't overlook some basic morals.

Host Tea:

Just being a good person, right?

Randy:

Yeah, just being a good person isn't an option. But you know, a person could be a really good person, but just might not be a great driver. So it's if it's something like that, you know, you can overlook.

Host Tea:

I love your smile. So have you heard of this concept about love language?

Randy:

Love language. I don't think so. I mean, the language of love. Of course, I always hear the words, the terms language and love used, and and I've got different ideas. But if there's an actual thing.

Host Tea:

Yes, there is.

Randy:

I don't think I've heard of it. No.

Host Tea:

Okay, listen to this. And we're gonna figure out what your like love language is, okay? So there are five love languages. It includes physical touch, words of affirmation, quality time, gifts, and act of service.

Randy:

Yes, I have recently heard of this.

Host Tea:

Oh, cool.

Randy:

Just recently.

Host Tea:

Interesting. From your date?

Randy:

I don't know. Was it you that told me about it?

Host Tea:

No.

Randy:

Well, let's see. Honestly, I don't think I'm the server, like the because I know that's one of the one of the categories, right? It's someone who loves to serve like a mother, like my mom was is like that, you know, love to always just be doing something for others. I think I'm a little too selfish, mainly because being a musician, I'm spending most of my time with my guitar, you know, or in my home studio.

Host Tea:

Guitar is our love, huh?

Randy:

Yeah, so otherwise I'd be out serving people more, doing things for other people.

Host Tea:

So here are two sides of love language, right? One is what speaks to you. How would your partner express their love that speaks to you most, right? Out of five languages, and the the other ways or vice versa. When you are in a relationship, how would you love to express yourself?

Randy:

Well, I love to cook and I love to make food.

Host Tea:

Act of service?

Randy:

Yeah.

Host Tea:

That's interesting, because you just said you're too selfish to be doing that.

Randy:

I mean, other than just we all eat every day, so you know, I gotta cook anyway, so I love to there's always time to cook and and do that for somebody. But some of the basics, yes. I love to do it. Would you drive them around? Driving around, too an extent. You know, I don't want to do it every day and spend too many too much time out on the road driving around. But I don't mind I love take giving friends a ride to the airport, no problem. And they do the same for me, you know, when you can give each other a ride to the airport, it's always it's a great exchange for friends to do. But i as far as dating, like I mean, You don't know your love language? I don't know. Maybe if you can you you just mentioned all the different categories that are on the in the language. Can you bring them up one at a time and kinda It's like I can't remember each category. All those things are important.

Host Tea:

I mean Definitely, yeah. Just out of your instinct. Which one speaks to you the most you think that matters to you the most? When your partner does that for you and you feel most appreciated, let me guess. Words of affirmation.

Randy:

I think quality time and touch. It's just I'm not used to it. So it's just Well you're so shy. That's why I'm talking so slow and soft, 'cause I'm shy about talking about dating. I'm not used to talking about it to to the world, you know. I'm just a little like shy about being so open about physical touch and and and dating in general. I'm just, you know, a little shy.

Host Tea:

So that's cool. You have shared so much information already. See that that's you know, you're trying to be very open. Let's talk about one fun or stupid story of your dating life. You probably have nothing because you don't go on apps. Only apps will offer you a la a lot silly dilemmas, annoying situations. That's what people go through today.

Randy:

I have no idea.

Host Tea:

Lucky you.

Randy:

Yeah. I mean, even for friendships, just meeting people that have a lot of the same interests, you know. Yeah. And what better way than online, I guess, because then you're just, you know, meta tags, whatever with w the words that you're putting in. The software will pull you together with people that like the same bands. And that's pretty cool. I've never done that, but it seems like it'd be a great way to meet people with the same interests.

Host Tea:

But you know so many people with the same interest already, right?

Randy:

Oh, with the same interest with me?

Host Tea:

Yeah. You know, you go on a tour, you go on your show, and you met so many people, they come to you, see you because your music, right?

Randy:

Yeah, but like I said, meeting people naturally out in the wild. It's rare to meet somebody that for me to meet a woman who loves Oingo Boingo, who was my favorite band back in the 80s.

Host Tea:

They don't have to love everything you love about music to be your partner, do they?

Randy:

No, but it's like, you know, if you can find a woman who's who you find very attractive and and who you get along with really well, and you have a great physical relationship and they love and she loves Wingo Boingo, then you know, wow.

Host Tea:

That makes her a ten.

Randy:

Maybe there is. So you know, just open your mind to the possibilities that someday you could just meet someone who's gonna sweep you off your feet. It's possible.

Host Tea:

Oh, that's definitely, of course. And I believe everyone will if they want it. And if they believe it.

Randy:

That's the attitude.

Host Tea:

Yes.

Randy:

Positive attitude. That's another thing I really like, is a positive attitude. The glass is half full and the glass isn't half empty.

Host Tea:

I know, right? Yeah.

Randy:

It's all kinds of people out there.

Host Tea:

So that's a red flag, right? Yes. Half glass empty.

Randy:

Yes. Some people like to complain all the time.

Host Tea:

So we were talking about what type of woman you would think like in terms of age range, right? So you were pretty cool about that, and I love it. I'm sure our audiences loved hearing that. And here's another question to follow up is in terms of culture, background do you have a specific type?

Randy:

No. I don't.

Host Tea:

Wow, you're so cool.

Randy:

Yeah, I don't have a type when it comes to looks or hair color. You know, some guys do.

Host Tea:

There's guys that I've met guys that just Or like being Asian, being white, or color. People have their preferences.

Randy:

Yeah. Yeah, I don't. You know, one thing I've always wondered, I'm half Portuguese and then on my mom's side, I'm English, Irish, and French. And I've always wondered, because I'm mainly Portuguese, I've never dated a Portuguese girl, but I've always wondered what would I be extra attracted to a Portuguese girl? Or is that would that be a thing, maybe? I don't know. I always wonder that.

Host Tea:

Hope you will figure it out soon. So this is question I'm asking on behalf of uh all the women who is out there, right? What is a sign that shows you like someone a lot? Or you know, how do you really show someone you like them? What is the sign that Yeah, if you and I went on a couple dates, like I'm not sure if you really like me, right?

Randy:

All right, correct.

Host Tea:

Actually, but you do. But however, I'm just not aware of it. So what maybe you have done already to me that I'm supposed to know already, but I'm not, because I'm woman, I think differently. Is that when you like someone, you would text them every day, or you would say good morning, good evening every day, or what's the deal there? Girls get confused a lot about like when it go on dates. Yeah.

Randy:

And sometimes it's hard to talk about it with people when you're when you're dating to have a open, honest conversation about where you stand. And so if a guy or a girl hasn't discussed it, what this what the situation is, then people shouldn't assume. But when somebody if I really like somebody and want to continue seeing them, then you would not wait for three days to text them after the first date, would you? Three days. Yeah, the games that we have to we have to play because if you do teach.

Host Tea:

Tell us about the games that men play, please.

Randy:

Yeah, I know that there's games because I've seen the videos that have been in my Instagram feed sometimes where it's some experts on dating and they're telling the guys, don't ever call, you know, right away. And the movie Swing the movie Swingers is if you've ever seen that movie, there's a part where the guy meets a girl and they get along great, and then he's not gonna call her that night, but then he ends up he ends up calling her and then he ends up calling again and then he just ruins it.

Host Tea:

What?

Randy:

It's a classic scene in the movie Swingers.

Host Tea:

If a guy does not contact me right away the same day that we went on date, I just assume he's not that interested. So that's me.

Randy:

Well, so everybody's got their little thing, and that's why it's such a game between men and women.

Host Tea:

If a guy like if a guy likes me, like really like me, but he did not text me on the same day, right, after the first date, that clearly shows me he's up to something, right? Either playing games or he's not confident of reaching out, or he's thinking diversifying his risk.

Randy:

He could be not confident, and he could also be not wanting you to think that he's love bombing, you know, being too forward. Too forward and too aggressive.

Host Tea:

By telling me he wanna see me again for a second date.

Randy:

Playing hard to get trying to get you to want him more because if somebody doesn't contact you, maybe then that's the games that we do, and and I consciously, I I admit I consciously am always playing those games and I'm waiting and I don't want to like text too soon and yeah, I play those games too. It's hard not to because I don't want to come on too strong, so I want to wait, and then how long you wait, I don't know. It seems like three to five days seems good to me, but you say that's way too long. So Sometimes we're our own worst enemy by thinking we're trying to do the right thing by waiting, but then the other person w wanted someone to reach out earlier. So sometimes we're our own worst enemies by doing choosing to do the wrong thing.

Host Tea:

Because you actually want to reach out.

Randy:

Yes.

Host Tea:

So the thing is, okay, everybody's on their phone every day, if not like every few minutes at least, or if not every minute, right? So we know. Women know, man is on their phone. They're not replying, right? They're not saying anything. There's something's going on. It's not straightforward, obviously. It's like, what game are you trying to play? Come on.

Randy:

Yeah. And of course, when somebody first meet, they don't know what the other person is like, what, if they're even interested.

Host Tea:

So that's what you're concerned of. That's what men do, those things, is because they're concerned that women may not be interested in them.

Randy:

Yes. And rejection is is a hard thing too.

Host Tea:

I see. So it is about rejection then.

Randy:

A lot of times, yes.

Host Tea:

You don't strike me as someone who is afraid of to be rejected.

Randy:

Oh. Well.

Host Tea:

Are you?

Randy:

Not I wouldn't say it's it's not my thing, but if it that can happen. And so it can happen. It ha it happens. Look at it. It happens, I'm not gonna say it can happen. It it has happened, yeah. I have um the fear of rejection as well. Just like probably everyone most people do, yes.

Host Tea:

Most men, really?

Randy:

Except maybe really arrogant men who...

Host Tea:

They just cover it up. Yeah. Some of those types of things. Thank you so much for just being honest about it. So here is the ultimate question to you. Really be helpful for our female audiences to get more clear message or more transparent information here about what does a guy do after a first date, right? That sh shows he is actually interested. How would we know that this guy is interested or he's not interested because all these games? What can you say about that?

Randy:

Would be a swif t text, I guess. I mean, does anybody call anymore? Probably not.

Host Tea:

No, people don't call anymore.

Randy:

Yeah.

Host Tea:

Yeah, that's super lame.

Randy:

So yeah, I think prompt texting is is a good thing. You can avoid playing games. A lot of us do. A lot of people do, it's I guess.

Host Tea:

So in this scenario, in this dynamic today, right? People play game, people don't play game. We don't know who's playing game, who's not, right?

Randy:

So that you're getting to to know them. People hide people can be somebody else. So like as you're getting to know them, sometimes you don't see the real them right away. It's it's it takes a while.

Host Tea:

It does take time. That's definitely, yeah.

Randy:

So that's one thing I'm always thinking about: are you seeing the real them? Are they trying to be a different person, if there's something about them that isn't good, you know, and they're just trying to so as you're getting to know somebody, you're you're trying to see the real them if they're suppressing the real them a little bit.

Host Tea:

Yeah, that's why you go on dates, right? Get to know each other. Yeah. So how do you really show someone you're interested after you meet them? But what are the signs I would know after our first date that I knew you like me?

Randy:

I think just quick responses and reaching out and and setting up a another date, getting together again. That's the thing when you're getting to know somebody and you're just starting to date, so you might be extremely attracted to somebody, but you don't know if you're gonna be able to get along. So I think it's important to to take your time. And I've heard the term love bomb um recently. I've never heard it before, but like that's somebody who's just coming in way too fast, way too hot.

Host Tea:

Yeah.

Randy:

And that's a big turn off for people.

Host Tea:

Totally. It's crazy, yeah.

Randy:

So there's a balance between the love bomber and the and maybe the person who is really interested, but maybe playing the game just to make sure that the person doesn't think that they're desperate and they're too aggressive and too into the person because it seems like when somebody really falls in love with somebody, and then you say I love you too fast, and then that person is done with you because you said I love you too fast, you know. Then it's like, uh, I'll never say that again. And then and so then you're playing games the next time you you meet somebody you really like and you're waiting five days to text them back. And it's just that balance between being a love bomber and playing too many games, or if you're just seriously not interested. And just getting to know somebody is another thing. You could be really attracted to somebody, but you're not sure exactly who they are, if you're gonna always get along really well or if there's gonna start being friction and somebody's always complaining about you.

Host Tea:

Playing safe and uh step by step, like getting to know the person and feeling comfortable of like being more direct.

Randy:

Yes. Yeah, I understand that. Because once you get into the part where somebody you're texting every day and and then you start dating.

Host Tea:

Because you do want to text every day, right? That's part of like romance and love, right? Connections.

Randy:

But then if you start dating a lot, and then maybe something about that person starts to annoy you, and then you realize, well, I'm really attracted to the to her, but this part about her personality, I don't know if I could deal with that. But once you've already like started texting every day, then you gotta do like a breakup. It's just kinda in my nature in the beginning to be to take it really slow and get to know somebody.

Host Tea:

It's being cautious.

Randy:

Yeah. And so texting every day wouldn't be cautious, that would be I don't want to say love bombing, you know, jumping in too fast.

Host Tea:

So for us girls, then it's really hard to know right away after first date whether this guy's really genuinely interested or not. Because from those experiences people go through, they might be like holding back and so-called playing games, right? To protect themselves. So you're saying that the best thing the girls can do is just uh not to think too much and go with the flow and see how it evolves into second date or third date.

Randy:

Yes, and but when I say like I have played games, I mean mainly with just how long you're texting somebody. I don't like to get into deep games, you know, like anything else, other than that, you know, just maybe time on texting. But other than that, I'm not a big game player. So if there's someone I like, I'm not gonna disappear for a week. Yeah. But I don't I don't want to ever have to be texting someone every day.

Host Tea:

That's too much after first date, I agree.

Randy:

That's just me, you know.

Host Tea:

That's that's a little bit aggressive and eagerness, right? It's like, oh, I cannot live without you now, girl.

Randy:

Yeah. But every two or three days, I think for something that's not serious is is a good is a good balance for me. Cool. So that's that's where I am. And uh I know it's different for everyone, but for me, that's that's where I like to be be in touch every few days, two or three days. And uh and it's all good. And if something can develop from that, and it can, it is possible for someone who I'm texting every every two or three days to to turn into something more, because I like to take my time. Where I'm at in life right now, I like to take my time and really get to know someone. And so maybe someone I'm dating now could turn into something more. It's possible.

Host Tea:

Cool.

Randy:

So be honest, everyone, and don't lie about what you want. Some guys will say, I want to have kids, and the girl's thinking, okay, he wants to have kids with me. And I've heard guys say that before. So just stay away from from lying, be honest, and keep games to minimal.

Host Tea:

I love that! Thanks for having me. Thank you so much, Randy. So, what did you think of Randy? The attractive, well-known musician who is also a truth teller, who says he's not looking, but might just be the most emotionally available man you will ever meet? What makes Randy's story so refreshing isn't just his looks or lifestyle. It's the unapologetic clarity he brings to dating. And his philosophy reminds us that love doesn't come from chasing or forcing, it comes from becoming. Becoming the kind of person who knows what they want, who's done the work, who's honest with themselves and others. Here are today's key takeaways. Number one, self-awareness is the real sexy. His honesty about his needs, boundaries, and lifestyle is a reminder that emotional clarity is hot. Number two, you can be fulfilled while still waiting for love. Randy is not outlooking, but he's not closed. He shows us what it looks like to enjoy your own life and leave space for the right person. Number three, love starts with self-respect. He's not playing games. He knows his worth. And he seeks someone who meets him where he is, emotionally and energetically. Number four, being a kind person. Randy jokes about being selfish, but what shines through is his respect for people, preference for peace, and a belief in kindness as a non-negotiable. Number five, if you're in your 50s or 60s and living with confidence and wisdom, there are men like Randy who are genuinely looking for someone like you. If Randy's story resonated with you, if you're curious, inspired, or maybe even a little smitten, and you fit his criteria of the perfect woman who is charming, kind, grounded, and self-aware. You should always just drop by his launch show at the White Rabbit in San Francisco and introduce yourself. That's what Randy suggested. He said, "that'd be nice". The next one is on the 18th of February. If you enjoyed this conversation, hit subscribe, leave a review, and share it with someone who might need a little dating inspiration. Or someone who needs to know that hot, well-achieved, interesting, and emotionally available men do still exist. If this episode brought you value, you're welcome to take me out for a virtual coffee at buymeacoffee.com/ the dating chit. It helps keep the mics on, and I truly appreciate the support. We also share short and fun content on Instagram, TikTok, and YouTube. I'd love to see you there too. If you or some amazing you know will be a great guest for this show, you can find the application link in the show notes. That's it for now. This is The Dating Chit, I'm Tea. Until next time, keep showing up. Stay kind, stay curious, and never settle for less than the love you truly deserve.

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Tongalag Liu

Host
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Randy Cordeiro

Guest