Bay Area Alert!! A Growing Number of Men Are Quietly Avoiding Dating Here - Why? (w/Mike)

In this episode, we explore dating situations in the Bay Area, why some single men are not feeling great about it, and what happens when someone changes their dating “ecosystem.” 

My guest Mike—a thoughtful, twice-divorced tech professional who took five years to reset after his marriages—shares how he approaches dating today. We talk about the reality of swiping, slow replies, and the quiet chase for the “top 1%,” and how these dynamics can make dating feel harder than it needs to be.

Mike also shares an interesting experiment: changing his dating locations from San Francisco to places like Chicago and Southeast Asia. Along the way, we unpack what truly predicts compatibility beyond checklists. 

This conversation invites both men and women to rethink their strategy: maybe the issue isn’t that good partners don’t exist, but that the environment—and how we approach it—needs a reset.

Transcript

Setting The Stage: Modern Dating

Host Tea 0:01

Hey you, welcome to The Dating Chit, a space designed to help you move beyond assumptions and guesswork so you can date and love with clarity and confidence. I'm your host, Tea. My guest today is someone I've known for over two years. He's a genuinely good human, good looking, reliable, emotionally steady, and currently single. But he's super relaxed about meeting the right woman. He's easy to be around, lighthearted, thoughtful, a great listener, and someone you can actually trust. But this episode isn't about to showcase him like a dating profile. It's about something he said to me about dating that genuinely caught my attention. Something that challenges the way I see the Bay Area dating scene. And I think it's a conversation we need to have. We will be talking about modern dating norms, especially here in the Bay Area. What does someone like him see when he looks at a dating scene locally versus globally? Why are some men starting to date outside the Bay Area or even outside the country? Is the dating culture here making connections harder? How many men are quietly opting out? And if so, what does that even say about the expectations on both sides? Are women overlooking steady men while chasing the top 1%? Or are men misreading what women actually want? My guest Mike and I are unpacking all of that through his real experiences. Let's dive in. Hey Mike. Hey Tea. Welcome to join me at my studio.

Speaker 1:33

Thank you. Thank you. It's quite a digs you've got here.

Host Tea 1:37

Have you been looking forward to this session with me?

Speaker 1:40

I have, with trepidation.

Host Tea 1:44

Okay, so how's dating going?

Speaker 1:47

Yeah.

Host Tea 1:48

What does that mean?

Speaker 1:49

It's good in some ways, but now let's just say it sucks. It's one of those things where some things are really good and others are not. And there's plenty of things that I could espouse on are right related to the things that are not.

Host Tea 2:05

Let's talk about some basic facts over here so the audience knows better about who you are, what's going on with you. How long have you been single?

Speaker 2:12

I've been single now for about five years. Depends on when you call being legally single or separated and single. It's been around five years.

Host Tea 2:22

You've been divorced twice, right?

Speaker 2:25

Yep. I'm racking them up.

Host Tea 2:27

I remember your first marriage was how many years?

Speaker 2:32

That was eleven.

Host Tea 2:34

And your second marriage?

Speaker 2:35

It was a 23-year relationship. We weren't married the whole time.

Host Tea 2:39

To me that shows how loyal you were to your relationship.

Speaker 2:43

Yes. Also on the Chinese zodiac, I am a year of the dog.

Host Tea 2:51

Even me, I don't know what that's supposed to be meaning.

Speaker 2:54

Loyalty is one of the first words that comes That's very true.

Host Tea 2:58

Yes. You're reminding me of my own culture.

Speaker 3:01

Yeah, they were good relationships until they were.

Host Tea 3:03

Yeah, that happens. That's understandable. People drifting to different directions, they want different things, right?

Speaker 3:09

Yeah.

Host Tea 3:10

So after that experiences, it must be tough for you, mixed up in the modern dating landscape. All the chaotics, mixed signals, people not responding, ghosting you, people want to move in with you next day. Because that's something you told me, right?

Speaker 3:27

Yes, it's true.

Host Tea 3:30

Sounds crazy.

Speaker 3:32

It's a very different world out there than I thought it might be.

Host Tea 3:36

I cannot imagine what type of girl would propose to a guy like, I want to move in with you after one day. You look so speechless. So, Mike, what are you looking for exactly in your woman?

Speaker 3:51

Of course, like anybody, you want somebody that you can be compatible with in your interests, in the things that you like to do that are uniquely you. If I want to partner with all of the things that I like to do, for example, I like to go see live music. I want somebody that wants to go to see live music more than they want to go see DJ at the club. Or yeah, maybe even ballet. I'm ruined on ballet. That's an answer for another question.

Host Tea 4:19

I hope that's not a deal breaker.

Speaker 4:22

It's not a deal breaker. That's an example of what I would like somebody to be like for me. I like all kinds of music. I'm a musician, so music matters and is a big part of my life. So is I love going to restaurants. I'm a foodie, love restaurants, I collect wines, I'm going to want to have house parties. I don't want to have somebody in my life that has such different interests that we can't enjoy being together. But she can have some different interests. Oh, we always, that's mandatory. Of course. That was getting to the next part of my answer. It's the variances that make things spicy. Let me be superficial for a moment.

Host Tea 5:01

Men can be superficial. We all know guys like pretty girls.

Speaker 5:05

That's right. That's 90% of the answer.

Host Tea 5:08

Okay, but get that. Beautiful. Okay.

Speaker 5:10

If I can come home and look at a beautiful woman and wake up in the morning, then I'll be happy. That'll get me most of the way.

Host Tea 5:18

Wow. Sounds super simple and easy.

Speaker 5:20

Yeah, I am super simple and easy.

Host Tea 5:23

Aside from that, what are the other things are important?

Deal Breakers And Domestic Harmony

Speaker 5:26

Just day-to-day things. We enjoy the same things in our living space, our friends, and we are able to not have much conflict in the way of well, some people insist on having, you know, the nicest car they can have, but they really shouldn't have it. I want somebody that can we can agree on making big decisions together, buying a house or somebody has the same vision. Presumptive. Yeah.

Host Tea 5:54

I can totally understand that. I think that's also very important. We're on the same page, even from small or from big decisions in life, right?

Speaker 6:01

Right.

Host Tea 6:01

What are some deal breakers for you?

Speaker 6:03

If she's conflict-oriented. I do not like conflict in my day-to-day life at home.

Host Tea 6:09

People tend to create conflict. People like to get into conflicts.

Speaker 6:13

Yeah. I've had two long-term marriages. Yes. And certain point you start arguing all the time. I'm going to be honest. I've been five years single and I'm not missing those arguments at all. And I'm going to be real careful about any chance of having it back because I don't like it. It puts wedges into the relationship that you almost can't recover from.

Host Tea 6:35

Well, you don't have to fight when there's disagreement, right?

Speaker 6:38

No, you can disagree without arguing. Exactly. I'm talking about just bickering arguing.

Host Tea 6:43

Oh. Yeah. That's not pleasant.

Speaker 6:46

No.

Host Tea 6:47

Okay, that's a deal breaker number one. So do you have other deal breakers?

Speaker 6:50

I suppose if she wants all the closets in the house. I gotta have something for my one pair of jeans and okay.

Host Tea 7:00

As long as she can leave you five percent of water space, you're cool.

Speaker 7:06

Not on the record, but okay.

Host Tea 7:09

Okay, ten percent. All these qualities you're seeking and the deal breakers you just mentioned sounds fairly reasonable to me. So how come you still don't have a girlfriend for the past five years?

Speaker 7:22

I haven't tried hard.

Host Tea 7:23

How come? I guess I can imagine that after two long marriages, right? You may just want to have a hit the reset button and just go with the flow.

Speaker 7:32

My approach after I split with my last wife was I'm gonna allow myself a year and a half to two years just to do not even approach the idea of dating. I have been partnered up for 35 years.

Host Tea 7:43

Yeah. Yeah, what a job.

Speaker 7:46

And I never really got to experience being single.

Host Tea 7:50

Enjoying being single.

Speaker 7:52

Yes.

Host Tea 7:53

What's wrong with that? I totally I can't resonate with that. 35 is a long time.

Speaker 7:58

It's just nice to have a place to yourself.

Host Tea 8:01

I understand.

Speaker 8:02

Then there's also downsides, of course.

Host Tea 8:04

I understand. You're in this phase right now. Yeah, I'm in a phase right now. I did not rush into dating. And I kind of see it now where I treat the idea of dating with as much energy as I put into looking for bands. And I haven't played in a band since the pandemic, and I was in three all the way up until everything shut down. So I haven't put much energy into it. I also feel like there's this situation that I'm in where I don't have any kind of urgency. I have great friends that I can go out any night of the week. And my friends are so important to me. In fact, I think they were the safety net that allowed me to separate. They're there for you. Friends survive relationships. Yes.

Speaker 8:50

Relationships may or may not last.

Host Tea 8:52

I mean, when you're lucky, you can have friends like that.

Speaker 8:55

Getting back to the question around what somebody has to be and the must-haves is I need to be able to introduce them to my friends. I've got great friends, they live great lives, and if I can't bring this person into my circle, my inner circle, then it's not really a relationship that I think I want to keep. I want to be able to introduce them and they can at least have a fun time hanging out with friends.

Choosing Singleness And Friend Anchors

Host Tea 9:22

I see. You're indicating about type of personality this you should be having. Yeah, outgoing and just cool and chill, easy to make friends, spark conversations. Yeah, I'd say that. A bit personality. Yeah. Like mine.

Speaker 9:36

Of course, Tea.

Host Tea 9:40

Okay. What's up with the comment that you made earlier about dating sucks today? What's been going on? What insights can you share with us we can learn?

Speaker 9:48

So here's what I'll say. One of my biggest weaknesses is I don't... A lot of people .. I love that we are talking about that right now already. Oh it's only been, what, 10 minutes?

Host Tea 9:59

Exactly.

Speaker 10:01

You're going for the jugular. Let's see. One of my big weaknesses is I don't meet girls that I want to date very often in real life. So the apps to me are like the idea of the app is amazing. It's just the execution doesn't get to where I want it.

Host Tea 10:21

Tell me more about that. What do you mean?

Speaker 10:23

Part of it is the way that they've written the application and how it works. There's room for improvement. And the way that they set it up. Let me com make an analogy. If I see somebody in my feed and I'm like, oh, I think this girl would be amazing. You have to swipe right, you know, to a hundred of them before they're gonna like you back.

Host Tea 10:45

And you mean before anybody likes you back? No, I can get all kinds of people to like, but they're not ones that I want to introduce to my friends. Do you see? And they're attractive, certainly attractive, and they hit seem to have nice banter back and forth on text. Maybe I'm shooting for the gold and I shouldn't. We have our standards for a reason, and if these are non-negotiables, you know you should stick to that.

Speaker 11:10

Yeah. Yeah.

Host Tea 11:10

Yeah. I mean I learned this lesson. Lower down your standard never goes anywhere.

Speaker 11:15

No, I've made some mistakes in the past where I did, and I hate myself to this day over them.

Host Tea 11:22

Forget that now.

Speaker 11:23

I know. I'm well past that now. So back to the dating apps. I think it's a locality thing. One of the things I've just recently been experimenting with is changing my location to other cities. And once I've done it a couple of times now, when I'm traveling, I set my location to where I'm going to be traveling and set up dates ahead of time. I've never been able even thought that that was a possibility. But it really works out and I find that if I change my location from San Francisco, well, let's just say my feed looks a whole lot different.

Host Tea 12:01

So the whole reason behind that action was because you are not able to meet interesting women you want to date.

App Frustrations And Standards

Speaker 12:11

Yeah. And my current situation lets me be really particular. Probably more particular than I would be if I wasn't in the situation.

Host Tea 12:20

How particular are you now?

Speaker 12:22

Well, more particular because I can. Tell me more. Well, we've all heard of the term situationships.

Host Tea 12:29

Yes. That's a new word invented, but it's still the old situation for the past as well.

Speaker 12:35

Yeah, that's something I have no clue about. This guy who's been married almost all his adult life has not heard of it until now. It's like, wow, you can date somebody, but without commitment, without talking about the future. As long as you're not interested in wanting to move the needle on where you are with that relationship and making it something long-term, then there's nothing to lose.

Host Tea 13:04

And there are women available and they're willing to be doing that.

Speaker 13:07

Yeah, and they meet standards, which is shocking to me.

Host Tea 13:10

They meet standards.

Speaker 13:11

They meet my standard of attractiveness.

Host Tea 13:13

Oh.

Speaker 13:14

We only meet once a week, maybe even not, you know, sometimes two or three weeks.

Host Tea 13:18

But the overall quality they do not meet as a potential girlfriend or partner.

Speaker 13:23

No. No. I get nervous every time we go somewhere and one of my friends is there and I have to introduce.

Host Tea 13:29

Oh no.

Speaker 13:30

Yes.

Host Tea 13:31

That's all she's looking for, situationship.

Speaker 13:34

I believe so. It's been this way for two years. And she doesn't ever bring it up as a limiting experience or why aren't we going for more? Why aren't we anything?

Host Tea 13:47

That's really interesting to me. Something must be a priority in her life right now that she's not really looking for something serious.

Speaker 13:55

She's got a great community of people from her country, which happens to be Thailand. She's got a real close group of friends up there. Occupy a lot of her time.

Host Tea 14:05

But what do you think is the real reason behind her interest in owning short-term relationships? To me, that's fascinating because as a woman, I think we're born seeking a long-term relationship.

Speaker 14:17

I've spent a lot of time thinking about You have? I actually have. Oh my god. I mean, I I actually started thinking, Mike, you know, what's wrong? You're you're defeating your normal relationship arc. You know, it's like you've stopped here. You only speak about you know next week's visit. We never talk beyond that, and we don't even know if next week's gonna happen.

Host Tea 14:41

I mean, she is single, right?

Speaker 14:42

She is.

Host Tea 14:43

Yeah.

Speaker 14:44

Yes. And she swears by it. She's got a unique situation, personal situation.

Host Tea 14:50

So you ask her, is like, are you married?

Speaker 14:53

I did. I told her at one point I said, are you secretly married? And am I a fling that you're hiding from your That's so funny. Your husband or your boyfriend. Okay. I'm fine. I'll take a fling as long as I'm enjoying it. Exactly. But she has, I think, some personal things going on that she probably might be holding back for. I'm not sure.

Speaker 2 15:20

Yeah.

Host Tea 15:20

I know like something really touched me about this relationship is that you have been really sought for with her, even though it's a situationship. Even though it's a short-term relationship, right? You have been super nice to her.

Speaker 15:33

I have not been extraordinarily nice to her. I've bought her little things. She doesn't ask for much.

Host Tea 15:41

But that's such a like cute, nice gestures, even for that.

Speaker 15:45

She does as well for what she can do. I mean, she brings me little gifts every time she comes home. Oh, really? Yeah.

Host Tea 15:51

Oh, that's so cute. Just little things. So like a healthy relationship, to be honest. Just not a long-term relationship.

Speaker 15:58

Yeah.

Host Tea 16:00

I like that really respectful and thought-for situation you two created. Yeah, that's a nice way to treat people.

Speaker 16:07

When I reflect on it, it's always kind of odd to me. She comes over, uh, let me know if it's TMI, but yeah, first thing you do is have sex. And sometimes on her visits, that's all it is. That's all it is. And then she leaves. And she comes for very short visits. She won't be in the night.

Host Tea 16:25

That's something she really needs from you.

Speaker 16:29

Oh no. Other times, you know, we'll go out somewhere to a restaurant. She likes to have me cook for her.

Host Tea 16:36

I know. One thing about you, you cook so well. I love that.

Location Switching And Better Matches

Speaker 16:39

Oh, thank you.

Host Tea 16:41

Yeah. I love that you're super into it.

Speaker 16:43

Yeah. I love to cook. But being a single guy, there's not much room for cooking.

Host Tea 16:48

Yeah. I know that sucks. I resonate, you know. What's the fun of cooking for yourself?

Speaker 16:53

Yeah. The other parts of the situationship. In past discussions, she's even said to me, I hope that we have the same kind of relationship we have now, you know, for another 10 years.

Host Tea 17:05

That's really interesting. She doesn't care about marriage or anything.

Speaker 17:10

No. I'm mystified to be honest with you. I didn't know this type of thing existed. I was like, oh, this wasn't true. This wasn't part of the dating menu I was taught about.

Host Tea 17:19

I know. For another 10 years, wow. At least it shows she's super happy with you.

Speaker 17:24

Yeah.

Host Tea 17:25

Okay. So back to what you were mentioning earlier about you setting up location on apps in Asia.

Speaker 17:32

Yes.

Host Tea 17:33

So are you currently intentionally looking for someone?

Speaker 17:37

It's actually been an experiment. In some ways, I've done it twice now. I saw I I did change location for a trip to Chicago. It was a very brief trip. I had one or two dates. I just recently went to Vietnam and I set up dating with a couple of women there. That was with purpose and intent. But I also expanded to other cities just to explore and just see what is this like? What is this experience to get a feed from a different city?

Host Tea 18:04

And you would date a woman across the globe.

Speaker 18:07

I am.

Host Tea 18:08

How come? Because it just there's no good choices in San Francisco.

Speaker 18:12

I just don't get the connection here. I think people are so jaded on the apps here.

Host Tea 18:16

Oh really?

Speaker 18:17

Yes.

Host Tea 18:18

And Chicago is better?

Speaker 18:20

Chicago is better.

Host Tea 18:21

Wow. I don't know how I should feel at this point of being Bay Area. And you're telling me how bad it is out there, and the man like you are staying away from this location.

Speaker 18:33

I tell people now, I'm like, well, I'm not even going to try to date here. I'm going to date elsewhere. And all I got to do is jump on a plane and go.

Host Tea 18:39

Okay. Okay. Tell me. What about women here that are such a turn-off to you?

Speaker 18:45

They don't respond. We are the Bay Area.

Host Tea 18:48

Yeah.

Speaker 18:48

We are a little bit more technically advanced in our usage of technology.

Host Tea 18:53

Yes.

Speaker 18:54

And we're buried by technology. And so we we have less patience when talking or using the technology because you form opinions about what your expectation is with the app or what you want to be able to do with the technology. And for me, it's just the very real and tangible experience of changing my location.

Host Tea 19:14

That just already like a huge difference.

Speaker 19:17

Yes.

Host Tea 19:18

Wow.

Speaker 19:18

I in fact I can without a doubt, my feed in Bangkok and my matches, the women are much more attractive. They even come back to me. Like if I forget to respond to somebody, they'll ping me.

Host Tea 19:30

So you feel valued?

Speaker 19:31

That's what I would expect of a friend or anybody that I knew in real life.

Host Tea 19:36

Yeah.

Speaker 19:37

But I think there's this digital disconnect where, oh, this is just the app. That was just an image, and they're not looking at it with anything more than the one dimension or two dimension of the ...

Host Tea 19:48

You were talking about in Bay Area. What do you think is causing this? Is it about we're in Silicon Valley and we're in the high performance environment?

Speaker 19:56

I think that's part of it. I think it's a little bit of unrealistic expectations, too. We're in the Bay Area. Women that I consider really close friends I've spoken to. A lot of women are looking for the next Sam Altman. You can do well in life, and I have done well in life, but I'm not a Sam Altman. Oh sure.

Host Tea 20:19

I'm sorry you feel that way with what women are expecting here.

Situationships Without Commitment

Speaker 20:22

I don't have any real experience with somebody saying, oh, you're just not. I've got this over here, and this is you know, I get to go out on a big yacht on the weekends. You know. I just feel like it's an underlying thing, and I've had conversations with others that kind of confirm it.

Host Tea 20:38

Oh, I see. Yes. Okay. I do admit that I did come across either articles or people telling me about women pursuing that top 1% of male here locally. I mean, that's gonna be a tough competition.

Speaker 20:52

I'm not gonna waste my I'm not gonna waste my effort here.

Host Tea 20:55

I mean that's gonna be tough competition amongst women. Yes. Lucky guy, whoever he is Now that you have had your experiment of changing your location at different city and country, do you see yourself actually to potentially look for the right person overseas?

Speaker 21:19

I don't know.

Host Tea 21:20

You don't believe a woman like that exists in Bay Area for you.

Speaker 21:23

I think they do, but if it's so hard, it's not worth my effort. I can date in other countries. In fact, getting dates in other localities has been easier than getting dates here. Maybe a symptom of just the Bay Area life. I'm not sure. Bay Area life is a lot of people, a lot of professionals. Life is going really fast for everyone, right?

Host Tea 21:46

Yeah. And there's a living standard here locally, which is a reality. Yes.

Speaker 21:51

Yeah, and I'm not going to put up with it.

Host Tea 21:54

I did hear this term called passport bro. Have you heard of it? It's being super popular. Popular on TikTok and social media ever since COVID. It does describe a phenomenon that Western men, especially from the US, they're actively traveling overseas with the intention of dating or marrying women abroad. Often justified as seeking traditional values, a different dating culture, or simply better odds of finding a partner. I think they feel the same way of how you feel. And these locations are often in Southeast Asia, Latin America, or Eastern Europe.

Speaker 22:29

Yeah, I see that in my feed.

Host Tea 22:30

And here are some interesting facts I learned also that actually, according to US Consensus Bureau, about 21% of married U.S. households, including at least one foreign-born spouse. Is that surprising to you?

Speaker 22:45

Not at all.

Host Tea 22:46

And so that means nearly one in five. And also half of this, which is 10 to 12% of American men marrying women from other countries.

Speaker 22:55

Not surprised. The dating norms are different in other places. The cultural experience is new. For me, for example, when I'm dating an Asian woman, it's because they have a charm that white women don't have. Because it's all new to them.

Host Tea 23:11

Tell me more.

Speaker 23:12

They smile. I'm describing things that I'm experiencing.

Host Tea 23:16

We're easygoing. We have pleasant personality.

Speaker 23:18

Yes. Yes.

Host Tea 23:19

We're open.

Speaker 23:21

Yes. And I the other thing that I think we're not jaded, right? Not jaded in the American set of norms.

Host Tea 23:27

And that's very attractive in your opinion. You know, I can resonate with that if I were a man. Like of course I want to go out with somebody who is chill and easygoing and easy to talk to, easy to be pleased. That's another thing, right?

Speaker 23:40

Mm-hmm. What I want is for me, it's the charm. And that's a word I use in in my head when I think of it. I've witnessed friends that have even married Asian women. The women's dedication to the relationship to me is just seems so strong. It feels like once they're committed, it's all in.

Host Tea 23:59

I know for one, I'm that kind of person. I'm pleased to hear that about your impression of Asian women. Yeah, I think that's actually embedded in our culture. That's how we brought up.

Speaker 24:11

That makes sense. That's and it's a good idea.

Host Tea 24:12

Yeah, and also Buddhism influence.

Flights Over Fights: Dating Abroad

Speaker 24:14

Yes, that's right. I think I was raised Catholic, and my two previous wives were both Catholic.

Host Tea 24:22

Yeah. And they were Americans, locally, right? Yes.

Speaker 24:26

And I am absolutely convinced it's the cultural upbringing and I can't even call it religious because Buddhism is a form of religion, but it's more a philosophy to me.

Host Tea 24:37

Yes. Yes. Thank you.

Speaker 24:39

Yes.

Host Tea 24:41

Thank you for embracing our culture.

Speaker 24:43

Absolutely. Oh, by the way, you do have the prettiest women and you have the best cuisines.

Host Tea 24:48

Are you talking about Chinese?

Speaker 24:50

Specifically.

Host Tea 24:52

Wow. Wow. I'm surprised. Thank you.

Speaker 24:56

I think that has a lot to do with it.

Host Tea 24:59

Why aren't you changing your location to China then? What are you doing in Vietnam?

Speaker 25:04

Oh, it's just because that's where it happened to land.

Host Tea 25:09

So, Mike, from what you have just described, what I'm hearing is the whole reason you prefer to date Asian women today is because our personality is easygoing and we're not jaded. More importantly, you really appreciate the upbringing, the value and culture we have, especially when we are in a committed relationship.

Speaker 25:32

That's right.

Host Tea 25:33

And you think that is not happening today for women in America?

Speaker 25:39

No, it's just my maybe it's a combination of my Midwestern upbringing and my experience prior to dating Asian women. I never dated an Asian woman before I was single. It was kind of an eye-opener. I'll just say that the Asian experience has been really good for me. Because I think there's a certain predictability when you only date within your culture, city or state, or because you've kind of all come through similar but varied journeys getting to where you are today. So as you meet today, you know, you can meet somebody that grew up in the same area, and you've got so many things that you make assumptions on because you've all had the common experiences. And when you don't have common experiences, you don't make assumptions about somebody.

Host Tea 26:27

Yeah, you know, that's a really interesting thing you just said, because you don't know how you would expect or assume because you were never been there.

Speaker 26:36

Right.

Host Tea 26:36

And also that's putting a right mindset in dating, right?

Speaker 26:40

I kind of think so, yeah.

Host Tea 26:41

That's a really interesting touch point.

Speaker 26:43

Yeah.

Host Tea 26:44

And that allows more possibility between two people. If you start assuming, expecting, that's not a good way to go down.

Speaker 26:53

I agree.

Host Tea 26:54

Before we wrap up, I'm curious in your opinion, what could be a woman do differently or improve that would make men feel more comfortable of dating them, or make men like you feel you don't need to look elsewhere, a different country or state.

Speaker 27:11

Maybe be more approachable. Yeah, sometimes you go to places, got their close circle of friends, and you can't even walk up and say anything to them because they're so engaged in their close circle of friends that you're not just walking up to talk to her, you're walking up to talk to the group.

Host Tea 27:29

That's a big task.

Speaker 27:30

Yeah.

The 1% Chase And Expectations

Host Tea 27:31

And also actually, I think that's like a real thing. Like men often find it's really hard to go up and talk to a woman in a bar or in a coffee shop. This is what I learned recently about what you can do differently so that makes you more approachable. I would love your feedback on that, actually. The suggestion is dress up in a way that creates a topic. For example, I am in a red outfit, but with like a huge green bag. That would be like, oh, what's up with that big green bag you got, girl, right? It's like such an easy situation for strangers, for man to approach you, right? And the man will find like more comfortable doing that.

Speaker 28:10

Yes. I could see it if I saw that, walk up to somebody and say, oh, I love the green bag that you paired with your red outfit. Yes. Yeah. Yeah.

Host Tea 28:22

Or like colorful hat.

Speaker 28:24

Yes. It's almost a conversation starter.

Host Tea 28:27

Yes, exactly. So I can see that will totally work.

Speaker 28:32

Yes. And and one thing that to your prior question is I think that I'd like to feel like women have reasonable expectations here.

Host Tea 28:41

Yeah.

Speaker 28:42

That's where I think part of the... Thank you for mentioning that.

Host Tea 28:45

Yes, that's a big thing.

Speaker 28:46

And it's also a matter of pure numbers. I mean, women in the Bay Area are just badgered by men. So they put up defenses, I think, that are probably higher than others.

Host Tea 28:56

To be honest, this could be like a whole other episode of discussion about involving like your mate value. You have to set up realistic expectations of what kind of mate you can seek out to. You know, it can be compatible to you and also can be creating a lifelong partnership with you that lasts.

Speaker 29:18

I agree.

Host Tea 29:19

Of course, everybody will want the top 1%, no matter it's a woman or man. But does that match you? Right. So yeah, it will be really interesting to actually have that conversation, you know, just another time.

Speaker 29:32

Yeah.

Host Tea 29:33

Well, thank you so much, Mike.

Speaker 29:34

Oh, this has been fun.

Host Tea 29:37

Awesome.

Speaker 29:39

Talking about my sordid dating life. Now I might understand it more than I used to before this podcast.

Host Tea 29:45

Okay, time for you to take me out for dinner. Thank you all for staying with us until the end. I'm curious. After listening to this conversation, what are your thoughts or takeaways as a woman? What might we need to re-examine? Our checklists, our expectations, the way we define chemistry versus compatibility as a man. Is there room to go deeper, to look beyond the surface, to be more patient, to understand what's behind someone's guard instead of making assumptions or reacting to it? Or maybe this isn't about a man versus a woman at all. Maybe it's about all of us becoming more aware of the patterns we repeat and being strong enough to break them. If so many people are frustrated in the same place, maybe the ecosystem itself deserves reflection. I'd love to hear your perspective. Leave a comment here or share your thoughts on our social media, the dating chit. Your experiences matter, and these conversations get better when more voices are part of it. Again, thanks for tuning in to this episode of the dating chat. I'm your host, Tea. Until next time, keep showing up. Stay kind, stay curious, and never settle for less than the love you truly deserve. See you in the next episode.