Where Are the Good Men? Here’s What Real Masculinity Actually Looks Like (w/Mo)

What does real masculinity actually look like today? In this episode, Tea sits down with her friend Mo to talk about the kind of strength that doesn’t need to be loud—quiet confidence, emotional steadiness, and showing up when it truly matters. 

From caring for family to navigating modern dating, Mo shares what are some of the qualities matter far more than chemistry or grand gestures. We also unpack the idea of being a “provider,” beyond money—into planning, emotional presence, and responsibility. 

In a culture that often rewards intensity and adrenaline, this conversation challenges your checklists and asks a simple question: Are the good men really missing, or are we overlooking the ones who are steady, calm, and consistent?

This episode is worth listening to for both men and women. 

Transcript

Framing Grounded Masculinity

Host Tea 0:01

Hey you. Welcome to The Dating Chit, a space designed to help you move beyond assumptions and guesswork, so you can date and love with clarity and confidence. I'm your host, Tea. If you've ever asked, where are the good men? You have stumbled into the right place. Because today, we're talking about something that feels almost rare now: grounded masculinity. We're living in a time where masculinity is either disappearing, criticized, or exaggerated. It's either too loud, too performative, or labeled problematic. But here's what research actually shows. The most stable relationships are built by men who are emotionally regulated, open to influence, and steady under pressure. And interestingly, these are part of the key qualities that define a grounded masculine man. And here's something more interesting. According to the State of American Men 2025 report, 86% of men still define manhood by being a provider. So if that's true, why is who pays for dates still such a heated mainstream debate? Clearly, there's confusion somewhere. And that's why I wanted to dive into this topic today with someone who embodies these qualities. Mo. I've known Mo for four years. He's tall, fit, strong, with 10% of body fat and eight pack. He's good looking in a manly way. But what makes him special goes far beyond that. He's one of the most solid human beings I know. He's deeply devoted to his parents. He carries responsibilities naturally without announcing it. He works hard, but never boasts. He handles stress calmly. He listens more than he speaks. He doesn't overreact, doesn't chase validation, he doesn't need attention to feel secure. He just doesn't have all that issues that a lot of men have today. He's like the big brother I never had. He has always had my back. When I'm overwhelmed, he listens without judgment. When I'm emotional, he grounds me. When I'm confused and need perspective, he gives thoughtful practical insight. He protects without controlling. He supports without expecting credit. He shows up consistently. He's strong enough to win a physical fight, but emotionally intelligent enough to resolve conflict with patience and kindness. Seriously. How many of you girls dated someone like this? A man who is capable of production and has such a high EQ? I'm just so grateful to have him in my life. And you know what? I love him. In dating culture that often rewards intensity and performance, that kind of steady presence feels so different and rare. So today, we're unpacking this. What does real masculinity actually look like in today's world? What is called showing up for someone? How is it like dating a strong man with high emotional intelligence? And most importantly, what are your non-negotiables? Let's diving. Hey Mo. Welcome to the podcast.

Speaker 3:04

Hey Tea. How are you?

Host Tea 3:06

I'm doing great.

Speaker 3:07

Nice. Good to hear.

Host Tea 3:09

How was your day?

Speaker 3:11

It was alright. Worked, workedout. Usual stuff.

Host Tea 3:16

I know you work really hard, you take your work really seriously.

Speaker 3:19

I try to. When I set my mind to something, I like to do it all the way.

Host Tea 3:24

I see that in you. I really admire that part about you.

Speaker 3:28

Thank you.

Host Tea 3:30

I also know that you devote a lot of time to look after your family, your parents.

Speaker 3:34

I do.

Host Tea 3:35

And to be honest, the type of effort you make, I don't see that often.

Speaker 3:40

Not everyone finds themselves in the situation that I'm in. I'd like to think that other people that do step up the way that I try to.

Host Tea 3:48

That's also something about you that I really respect and admire, that we're friends.

Speaker 3:53

I appreciate that. I enjoy your friendship.

Host Tea 3:55

I want to take the opportunity just to thank you for always having been there for me, especially in the past few days.

Speaker 4:02

Absolutely.

Host Tea 4:03

You have really shown up for your friend. I really value that deeply. And I see you as a friend who will always be there for me.

Speaker 4:10

For me, being a man, being a friend, being a son, and caring for those around you is not transactional. It's something that you do without anything in return. You begin the process without an intention to get anything out of it. So when I'm there for you as a friend, I do that out of my heart. Just like when I'm there for my parents as a son, I do that because I have no other option. In the same way for myself, I have no option but to do what's right.

Early Influences And Self-Awareness

Host Tea 4:40

I feel that from you, being genuine. And that's precisely the reason why I want to invite you to the podcast today. Because it's just rare to have a such combination of a person you are, a man you are. And I think this leads to the topic of the day that I want to talk to you about. What really shaped how you are today? I think you represent a disappearing group of people that are responsible, are grounded, are being masculine men.

Speaker 5:09

It's a good question. I'd say I had some positive influences in my life, but I've had my share of negative influences. And one of the things I've been lucky enough to be able to do is to learn from both. Both to learn what is a positive way of being and to learn how not to be. A lot of people have to find that out on their own through trial and error. But luckily, I was able to kind of learn through seeing and experiencing the results of different behavior and the impact associated with it from my early age.

Host Tea 5:43

That's interesting. So you're saying in your early age you were already super aware.

Speaker 5:48

I guess so, yeah. I never thought about it in terms of awareness. I just know how I think and how my mind works and what I do. I don't know how other people see things or interpret them. But luckily, I've been in a way cognizant or conscious of myself since I was a little kid.

Host Tea 6:08

Wow. I have never heard of that before. Because as you just mentioned, most of us we learn through our experiences.

Speaker 6:16

Sure. I guess some people call it self-awareness. Some people call it self-consciousness. But I try to be on top of myself, if that makes sense. You know, I don't like to just exist outside of purpose or reason.

Host Tea 6:33

Well, I did not know this part of you. That sounded really interesting. So from very young, you knew what type of man you want to become.

Speaker 6:42

I wouldn't say that I knew what type of man I wanted to become, but from very young I had experiences that showed me how I didn't want to be.

Host Tea 6:53

What did you not want to be?

Speaker 6:55

Well, I didn't want to be irresponsible if I could help it.

Host Tea 6:59

What made you think deep about that?

Speaker 7:02

I guess I saw the outcome of that type of behavior in a family and what it can lead to.

Host Tea 7:08

You were a very deep-thinking kid.

Speaker 7:10

Yeah, I guess I was. It's one way to say it. Maybe I was a very troubled kid.

Host Tea 7:16

Well, once upon a time, we all were.

Speaker 7:19

Sure. It's what you do with that trouble, right?

Host Tea 7:22

Yes.

Speaker 7:23

There's an expression, pressure busts pipes, but it also makes diamonds.

Host Tea 7:28

Wow. I'm learning so much about you today. Something new. I love that thing you just mentioned. So just you know, before we sat down for this conversation, I did some research online. According to Google, the concept of masculinity is actually exactly what I think of you. The translation is this masculinity is rooted in integrity, courage, responsibility, and emotional maturity. All of these four words reminds me of you. Throughout our friendship, you have always shown this quality, and I always just so impressed, admire that about you. And I think in today's day and age, people have misconceptions or different opinions about a man being masculine.

Speaker 8:17

Yeah, I think you're right about that. There's a lot of ways that masculinity gets presented or utilized to sell a product, to encourage an activity. But truly being a man, it's not something that you can tell about a person just from looking at them. It's not something that you can define.

Host Tea 8:37

No, it's through your actions in a superficial way. And how you show up for people, right?

Speaker 8:43

Exactly. It's experience driven. You learn how someone is by dealing with them, not necessarily by looking at them or being told by them how they are. You have to find that out for your own self.

Defining Masculinity Through Action

Host Tea 8:56

So let's agree that a man being masculine today is still a very positive thing.

Speaker 9:01

Without a doubt.

Host Tea 9:02

Why do you think there are just less and less of men like this?

Speaker 9:06

You know, that's hard to say. I can't say why other people do things or don't do things.

Host Tea 9:11

I feel sad about it.

Speaker 9:13

I'm sure you do. There's good people out there, there's good men out there.

Host Tea 9:18

Yes, there are. And this is another reason I want to do this episode with you. I want to show our audience there are good men like you out there.

Speaker 9:28

Well, I don't know if I'd say there's many like me, but there's some out there in their own right. But there's only one me.

Host Tea 9:34

Well, I'm so proud to have you as a friend, have you in my life.

Speaker 9:38

I appreciate that. Feeling is mutual.

Host Tea 9:41

You know, the definition about masculinity also involves self-awareness and personal growth. That's you.

Speaker 9:48

Yeah, I didn't know that.

Host Tea 9:50

Yes.

Speaker 9:50

I mentioned it earlier, but you know, it's just what it is.

Host Tea 9:54

Obviously, people like you focus on internal growth, purpose, and a positive impact rather than a constant need to prove oneself. You know, I see that in you as well.

Speaker 10:04

I appreciate it. That's a tough situation. I've been in a position before in my life where I felt that I did need to prove something. But I think it's a maturation that takes place for young men where they realize the only person they have anything to prove to is themselves.

Host Tea 10:22

Yes.

Speaker 10:23

To prove that you can be as good as your potential, whatever that happens to be.

Host Tea 10:29

I agree to that. I'm just amazed by how reflective you are.

Speaker 10:34

Thank you.

Host Tea 10:35

This is also, I think, a disappearing quality among man.

Speaker 10:39

It's hard. Sometimes we have a lot of outside influence. Instead of reflecting on ourselves, we're projecting other inputs out there. The things we see in social media, the things we see on different entertainment outlets. We end up losing a little bit of ourselves when we buy into that too much.

Host Tea 10:58

Well, too bad you're no longer single.

Speaker 11:01

Well, you could say that. I think it's great that I'm no longer single. I think it's a headache.

Host Tea 11:07

But... it's headache to be single, right? Yeah. I know. It's such a chaotic world out there right now.

Speaker 11:12

It is a chaotic world. And having a partner who you care about in a meaningful way, it clears out a lot of that noise.

Host Tea 11:21

What made you decide your girlfriend to become your partner?

Speaker 11:25

Hmm. Well, that's a conversation for a whole nother podcast that could probably be its own hit series that goes on and on. So I won't get into that too much, but you know, when I met my partner, my girlfriend, I just knew it was the right thing. And it didn't begin immediately. You know, we went through the process of getting to know one another, communicating. To be honest, I think communication was a major, major foundation to our relationship. Learning about the person, understanding them, what they think, how they feel about certain issues that are important, and who they are as best as you can understand who someone is. It's hard for us, even as individuals, to know who we ourselves are.

Host Tea 12:13

That's very true.

Speaker 12:15

I'm very grateful to be able to have a positive relationship like the one that I have. And I've been in many long-term relationships in the past, and when you're in those relationships, you sometimes think this is it. You don't realize until you've been out of them and you find a relationship that you feel is meaningful again that there's always a potential for something else in the future.

Partnerships, Communication, And Hope

Host Tea 12:37

I love that message you just raised, because oftentimes we meet somebody amazing, we fall in love right away, and we just dive into the relationship. We think, oh my God, this is it, this person is the best person I can have. And then it doesn't work out. For some people, it's really hard to get over and to get up and look forward to something new again. So thank you for that message.

Speaker 13:04

Absolutely. Life sometimes has patterns to it. Regardless of whether it's relationships or careers or personal pursuits, you'll be up. And when you're up, you don't realize that you may very well be down. But when you're down, you're not gonna be down forever. There's gonna be a time where you look back on that downtime when you're back up and you say, Wow, when I was down, I never thought I'd be back up here. But you should also be mindful that when you're up there, you might want to prepare to maybe be down in the future a little bit because nothing is a constant. There's always gonna be that up and down. So it's about navigating the ebb and flow of life, the peak in the valley.

Host Tea 13:45

You have a such a calm mindset.

Speaker 13:47

It didn't happen overnight.

Host Tea 13:49

And I totally agree. The only constant thing in life is the changes in life.

Speaker 13:54

Absolutely.

Host Tea 13:56

What made you commit to your girlfriend? What made you decide she's the one you want to have this relationship with?

Speaker 14:02

Well, to start, she's a beautiful woman, but that's not the reason why I would choose to be with someone for the long term. The thing that makes me want to be with her is the way that she looks at the world. Her heart, her caring, her empathy, her generosity, her desire to do good. Nobody's perfect. We all have a past and a history, and we all in our life have made choices that in hindsight we maybe wish we did something different. I definitely have a lot of those choices in my life, but I like to think if someone were to look at me and judge me, I wouldn't want them to judge me on my mistakes, but on my intention. And I believe that her intention is positive.

Host Tea 14:46

I remember my last relationship. I had this awareness that I value that relationship a lot. Therefore, I told my then boyfriend, we're getting to know each other. It's going to be a journey, long process. And there will be differences and misunderstandings. But when that happens, please know that my intentions is always good. I basically said, please do not doubt my intention. I think some of my actions give him some pressure. Therefore, he started to not trust my intention, which was really disappointing and hurtful. So I just want to resonate with what you just mentioned about intention. I think that's a big piece of being in a relationship, you know, navigating your dating journey.

Speaker 15:31

I appreciate you sharing that. And yeah, intention is something that while we may explain our intentions and we may have positive intention, other parties, they're not always gonna A, understand those intentions, and B, in some cases, trust those intentions as they're clarified.

Host Tea 15:50

Yeah, and also I think everybody has their past. Some people may still live in their past. In my scenario, I think some of the reason caused my breakup was perhaps my then boyfriend, when he was spending time with me, really he was not being present. He was not being himself. He was still living in his past. I felt there were still unresolved issues from his past relationship that he brought into our relationship. Mo, just now you mentioned about importance of communication in your relationship. What is something you could share with us that could be very helpful to our audience?

Speaker 16:31

I think trust is extremely important in communication with a partner. Sometimes we're afraid to really say how we feel because of how the other person might interpret that. Are we gonna appear a way in which we don't want to appear in a burst someone's bubble? It's important to be honest and upfront with people, especially people you claim to love. Love can't exist without honesty, trust, and mutual communication. It's a two-way street.

Host Tea 16:59

But you know, we're afraid. We're afraid of losing other person. We're afraid of if I say this, then he will misunderstand me and he will not love me.

Commitment, Intention, And Real Love

Speaker 17:10

It's a valid concern. But you have to ask yourself why would the person who you're gonna share your truth with reject it? Is that a person you want to be with? Is that a person you want to have love with, or that you could have love with? Beyond that. If someone's not gonna love you for who you are, then there's no point in talking about it. Everyone's needs are not gonna be the same, and everyone's level of responsibility of the needs of their partner are not gonna match. So I think that's an important part of finding the right partner for you is what are your non-negotiables and what are theirs. And if you can exist within those, then perhaps that's a good match. It's not gonna be the end-all be-all. There's still other layers of relationship dynamics that have to be met. But being upfront, communicating, being honest with both your intention, your expectation, and your needs, both sides, I think is the first foundational element to creating lasting relationship that grows into a love.

Host Tea 18:15

Yes, grows into real love.

Speaker 18:18

Exactly. It's some people believe in love at first sight.

Host Tea 18:21

No, no, no. I just did a whole video about love at first sight is a scam.

Speaker 18:26

Okay, well, I'll leave that one to you. We don't have to get into that one.

Host Tea 18:29

But yes, when your dating relationship finally turns into real love, that's where excitement and I think a real journey begins, right?

Speaker 18:38

Absolutely.

Host Tea 18:39

And something truly worth looking forward to. And that's where you are right now, right?

Speaker 18:43

Yeah, more or less. And on top of that, love is not always pretty Tea. Love sometimes can be fun and dynamic and exciting and all of these things that we expect from romance and from a passionate relationship. But love for me, it can also be tiring. It can also be difficult, stressful, but not letting go of the fact that this is someone you love. This is someone you have to be there for. Case in point, the support that I provide to my parents as best I can. I do that because I love them.

Host Tea 19:22

I know. I see you, your actions, I know you're the person who will always be there for them. No matter how hard it is. I see that.

Speaker 19:30

And the key to that is that's love.

Host Tea 19:34

That's real love. Yes.

Speaker 19:36

It doesn't have to be, you know, this whole idea that we have about relationships and boyfriend, girlfriend.

Host Tea 19:42

Happily ever after.

Speaker 19:44

Sometimes it's unhappily ever after, but you gotta still be there. And that's a different kind of love. In relationships, you can walk away, you can fall out of love. With family, it's very hard to do that for me.

Host Tea 19:58

Yeah, family is a different concept.

Speaker 20:01

It is. But if you're in love with a partner, you create a family with them ideally. You have children, and they then have that same love for you, provided that you give them that love and raise them with that love.

Host Tea 20:17

Seems like love is everywhere, all over the places, good and bad, exciting or boring, but when you love someone, you will be there for them.

Speaker 20:28

That's the key.

Host Tea 20:29

And that's the beauty of love, right?

Speaker 20:31

Mm-hmm. In life, a lot of things we do, we're alone. You're born alone, you go out alone. But when you share love, you're no longer alone. It grows, right? It creates a bigger force than the individual could sustain.

Host Tea 20:47

That's so beautiful, and that's all of us are looking forward to have. So you have such a high level of responsibility towards your family and also towards your girlfriend. Being the man for the family, for your girl. What about the pressure you have to face by taking up so much responsibility?

Speaker 21:06

Well, it's been hard. Hasn't been easy. It's been difficult on my relationship. My girlfriend, she is a real positive person. She's been really helpful in a lot of ways. But it can be overwhelming, and I understand that. It's not easy. I'd say that developing structure and routine can make things a lot simpler in all aspects of life.

Host Tea 21:31

Oh yeah.

Speaker 21:32

Starting from work. From work, from as you mentioned, you know, I enjoy going to the gym and working out. If you're not doing these things with structure, you're wasting your time. You're treading water. And much the same way with a relationship, there should be a structure there.

Routines, Dates, And Shared Structure

Host Tea 21:48

I agree. I don't know what you're going with this, but I read this book about eight dates. I don't know if you have heard of this book, but it's really interesting and insightful book. One critical advice. The book is given to all of us is go on date once a week with the person you're seeing or the person you're married with, no matter what stage relationship you are. Set aside one date that you can spend quality time together.

Speaker 22:14

I like that. And the purpose of that is what?

Host Tea 22:17

Is to talk to each other and understand whether have I been giving you the care you need? Have I been loving you the way that you need? Just touch base, I guess. Connect.

Speaker 22:30

That's important. To give a space to foster that communication when we're tied up with the day-to-day grind.

Host Tea 22:37

Exactly.

Speaker 22:37

To have a moment to be there present with each other.

Host Tea 22:40

Yeah, especially I think that's valuable for couples who have kids already, right?

Speaker 22:45

Without a doubt.

Host Tea 22:46

I think that's such good advice.

Speaker 22:48

I might have to take that advice. It's near Valentine's Day, so I did go with my girlfriend to a nice Valentine's Day dinner, and we had a good time. And we try to go on dates occasionally, but it's hard, you know, with work and bills and obligations. Sometimes you get used to just spending time with each other around the house, not doing anything special. But it is important. I like to eat too. And so does she.

Host Tea 23:14

Talking about structure, what else were you saying about that?

Speaker 23:18

Well, everything with routine, everything gets a little easier, gets more predictable.

Host Tea 23:23

So what type of routine, a structure do you have with your girlfriend? Can we learn something from that?

Speaker 23:29

Well, I think I gotta work a little better on it, but I think that we all benefit from getting an understanding of what the other party is doing. Not in a way where you're invading your partner's privacy or anything, but it's good to have clear ideas about what your partner is spending their time on so that if you need to be of help or support to them, you can do so. And as adults, we all should be utilizing our time in an efficient way, not being overly OCD, but I don't know about you. I don't have too much genuine downtime. If I'm not working or working on myself or helping a family member or a loved one with something, I'm probably eating or sleeping. I don't have much time to do anything else. So it's a nice measure of accountability to check in with your partner, have a clear schedule, have a clear idea of future plans and projections, saving, finances, all of these things are pretty essential. And they're portions of the greater idea of communication and honesty and transparency. And I think a lot of problems that arise in people's relationships, they find their start in lack of transparency, if that makes sense.

Host Tea 24:48

Yeah, I can resonate with that and I can see connecting transparency with what you previously mentioned about communicating honestly, being upfront, and being trusting. I think all of them are interconnected.

Speaker 25:01

If we have a shared goal and we want to get there, how can we do that if we're not both playing a part in the same plan?

Host Tea 25:09

Yeah, I think we need to really bold up ourselves so that this relationship has a chance to grow.

Speaker 25:17

Absolutely.

Host Tea 25:18

We must be brave. We must not too afraid to lose.

Speaker 25:21

Exactly. And that's where honesty and being upfront from the beginning plays a major role. You save yourself the headache of pretending to be someone you're not, only to think that when you finally do reveal who you are, someone's gonna accept it. It might end up being a heartbreak for you. Better you start off up front.

Host Tea 25:42

Most likely it's heartbreak.

Speaker 25:44

Most likely. A lot of heartbreak it comes from, in my opinion, a misaligned expectation. We get used to a partner. You've been with them for three months, four months, and they behave a certain way that you grow accustomed to. And then all of a sudden they've done something different.

Host Tea 26:01

That's a good opportunity.

Speaker 26:03

Right. You have to now trust them for what they're showing you.

Host Tea 26:07

Trust our intention too.

Speaker 26:08

If they show you something different, and it's not what you've expected, you have to bring that up and you have to be very clear about it. Or else when they show that to you a second time, let's say hypothetically, you find that they've been, worst case, cheating on you. Someone who does it once is likely to do it again. So now you have to decide, are you going to accept being with this person, or is this a deal breaker? Because once they've done it the second time, that's now your fault for having an expectation that was misaligned with what reality showed you.

Host Tea 26:42

That's such a painful example.

Speaker 26:44

It's harsh.

Host Tea 26:45

Yes, and it happens a lot.

Transparency, Boundaries, And Deal Breakers

Speaker 26:48

It can apply to other things, but for me, I'm pretty forgiving for most things. But I've known people that, you know, you don't make the bed the right way, you know, they don't want to be with you no more, right? So there's a lot of different degrees of deal breaker.

Host Tea 27:03

Yes. Everybody have their own deal breakers.

Speaker 27:06

Exactly.

Host Tea 27:06

Yeah. I think if you have that deal breakers already before you enter the relationship, you really should be sticking to the deal breakers, right?

Speaker 27:13

Hey, if you don't, then I guess that's what some people call settling, right? Oh yeah. We call it compromising, but you know, I have a different way of looking at things.

Host Tea 27:22

I think compromising and settling are two completely different concepts.

Speaker 27:26

I think it depends on how extreme the transgression is, right?

Host Tea 27:31

I think in relationship, we're constantly compromising so that we can care and love our partner in a more considerable way, right? But settling is completely different.

Speaker 27:42

Tomato tomato.

Host Tea 27:44

Okay. We don't have to drag on that one. What I hear from our conversation so far is about you being responsible, you value your role as a provider to your family and your partner. I think also there are a lot of misconception or expectations about a man being a provider. One thing I've noticed is their voices suggesting that provider means financial support only. So I'd love to just hear you share about your concept of being a provider.

Speaker 28:15

It's a good question. First, I try to do the best that I can to be there for my loved ones and to be a provider and to be a responsible person and man. But I could always improve. There's always more that can be done. And I can always build on myself to make myself a better provider and a more capable person in the lives of those that I love. So that being said, I don't feel that being a provider is limited to money or quantified just by money or financial support, providing in that kind of a way. I think it's much deeper than that.

Host Tea 28:54

Yeah, I agree.

Speaker 28:56

However, money is an important reality of life.

Host Tea 28:59

Yeah, and a money can be solving a lot of problem people facing.

Speaker 29:03

Right. And to give an example, you could have two guys that are making the same amount of money, except that one of them is really bad at saving that money, finds a way to part with it anytime he can, has a lot of grand ideas that need investment and different business strategies and plans. And now that income that that family, the man and his wife have been earning, it's greatly reduced compared to the income of the other guy who's good at saving his money. Maybe he's good at giving his money to his wife and she's good at saving it. Where now they're a little bit further along than the first couple, but they're not making any more money. They're just being a little bit more responsible with what they have. So we conflate the idea of earning a huge amount of money with inherently being a better provider.

Host Tea 29:53

That's a really interesting thing you just raised.

Speaker 29:56

Intention is key. And also application. Because the guy who's blowing his money, he might not be going to the strip club or buying unnecessary, you know, items, wasting the money. He could genuinely have the intention of making investments. They just don't pan out. But at a certain point, you have to know when to hold them, know when to fold them. And sometimes, you know, a little bit of something is better than all of nothing. So it's a mindset a little bit. It's a maturity and a maturation that has to take place where someone puts the future of their family ahead of their desire to win the lottery, for lack of a better term. That's another aspect of being a provider that I don't think gets touched on is being responsible. And responsibility, it's more than just, you know, if someone calls you, you're gonna show up. It's are you behaving and handling yourself in all aspects of life in a responsible way or in an irresponsible way? And that can be measured and quantified. It's not just a mystery.

Host Tea 30:56

Can I say it can be financial, it can also be emotion.

Provider Beyond Money

Speaker 31:01

It can also be emotion, and I didn't touch on that, but it absolutely can be being there and supportive emotionally for your loved ones. Some people are not that good at that, but does that make them a poor provider? You know, I don't think it's the provider's ability to classify themselves as good or bad. I think it's those that they're providing for that essentially have to make that determination.

Host Tea 31:24

That's very true. That's fair. That's a great insight you just shared.

Speaker 31:28

Thank you. I mean, when you made your comments about me being this kind of a man, that kind of a man, I appreciate it. Because I can't say that about myself. I don't have the ability to. I would just be an arrogant, you know, can you curse on your podcast? Okay, we'll leave it alone. But it's something that someone has to give you that title, if that makes sense.

Host Tea 31:46

That's another thing about you. This is just how I genuinely feel about you. You being you and you're still so humble. I just find the whole combination of all this quality about you is really hard to come by as a human. You know, I just don't see that much at all. Now I think of it. I don't know if you're the only person I came across like this ever since I moved to Bay Area. I think you might be the only one so far.

Speaker 32:13

I thought you were gonna say you think I might be an alien.

Host Tea 32:15

You are the alien, yes.

Speaker 32:17

Oh man. I always knew it.

Host Tea 32:19

Not classified as alien.

Speaker 32:21

Yeah, don't tell nobody. We can't release this now. We gotta keep this one secret.

Host Tea 32:24

Well, your girl is a very lucky girl.

Speaker 32:26

Thank you. I appreciate you saying that.

Host Tea 32:28

Okay, Mo, here's something I really want to ask you that I never asked you before. What are your deal breakers in a woman?

Speaker 32:37

Wow, that's a tough one. I like to be very honest, and I don't want to say things that may offend no. No, yeah.

Host Tea 32:45

Be honest.

Speaker 32:46

Oh man, that's a tough one. Deal breakers, I'd say dishonesty. That's a deal breaker for me. People that are unkind is a deal breaker for me as well.

Host Tea 32:59

Unkind, yeah.

Speaker 33:01

Yeah, there's no reason for that, you know?

Host Tea 33:03

Yeah.

Speaker 33:04

That's an energy that it's not something I enjoy being around.

Host Tea 33:07

It just reminded me about my own experience. When you're in your relationship, when you decided to end this relationship, it doesn't have to be ugly. You know, you can still be kind to the other person you don't want to ever see again.

Speaker 33:22

Sure.

Host Tea 33:22

And I think that really how you end things really reflects the type of person you are.

Speaker 33:27

I think you're you're right about that. Yeah.

Host Tea 33:29

Yeah. I really wish, you know, more people could remember staying kind, being kind, just being kind in general to everyone. People you want to be with, people you choose not to be with anymore. I think being kind is being faithful to yourself.

Speaker 33:46

I agree with you there. It doesn't cost anything to be kind.

Host Tea 33:50

No, no. Yeah, I feel sad about that. I think our conversation so far has really covered a few aspects about a man or relationship in depth. Is there anything that I didn't ask you that you wish I did, or anything that you wanted to share that I didn't give you opportunity?

Speaker 34:07

No, I think we touched on a lot of positive subjects. One thing, you do mention a lot how you see me in in a certain light and as this kind of a person.

Host Tea 34:19

I do.

Speaker 34:19

Can you expound on that a little bit? You know, tell me what has brought you to this conclusion about me that I'm very happy to accept, but tell me about that.

Host Tea 34:28

Okay, happy to. I can say it's all of that comes down to how you showed up for me and what I have witnessed, how you showed up for your parents, how you care for them, even though I have never met your girlfriend, but through how you are telling me and what you do for her, I see. There are all the actions that show me what kind of person you are, what kind of man you are. And you are a real man.

Speaker 34:52

Well, I appreciate it.

Host Tea 34:53

Is that enough to pad your ego?

Speaker 34:54

Yeah, no, my ego is padded. You know, that's the nature of the question. I just needed a little bit of ego padding, that's all. A little fishing for compliments, right?

Host Tea 35:02

Mo, my friend, thank you so much for joining me today.

Speaker 35:05

Thank you, Tea. It's my pleasure.

Host Tea 35:07

Are we doing another episode?

Speaker 35:09

Yeah, absolutely. And I'll just, you know, write the check. I'll be there.

Host Tea 35:14

Can't wait.

Speaker 35:14

All right. Have a good one.

Humility, Kindness, And Ending Well

Host Tea 35:18

So, for the girls who are listening, are you revising your checklist already? Your must-haves? Because for me, showing up consistently, being reliable, dependable, steady, that is simply fundamental. It's easy to get distracted by chemistry, height, status, and charm. But at the end of the day, who answers your call, who stays calm when things get hard and doesn't walk away? Who protects and respects your peace instead of making it even worse? That's what sustains a relationship. And for the man listening, grounded masculinity isn't about dominance or control. It's about responsibility, emotional regulation, and integrity when no one's watching. Here's some stuff worth thinking through. Are we missing the right men simply because their presence isn't dramatic but consistent? And have we become so conditioned to intensity that steadiness no longer catches our attention? We live in a culture that rewards intensity. Butterflies, adrenaline, incense sparks. But stability rarely gives you butterflies. It gives you safety. And sometimes we confuse the absence of chaos with the absence of chemistry. So the question isn't where are the good men? Maybe it's whether we would train ourselves to desire the very thing that exhausts us and dismiss the thing that could actually sustain us. I hope this conversation today with Mo has brought you value. If so, hit subscribe and leave a rating or review to help you date smarter. Thank you for tuning in to today's episode of The Dating Chit. I'm your host, Tea. Until next time, keep showing up. Stay kind, stay curious, and never settle for less than the love you truly deserve. See you in the next episode.