Ask A Therapist
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Ask A Therapist
Infertility & Baby Showers (Ep. 20)
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In this episode, we respond to a heartfelt listener question about how to balance self-care with showing up for others while living with your own grief.
Our listener shares her struggle with deciding whether to attend baby showers while still trying to conceive—wanting to support her friends, but fearing that the emotional weight of these events may be more than she can carry. Together, we talk through how to make these decisions with honesty and self-compassion, without guilt or obligation.
We discuss how support doesn’t have to look one way, how to assess emotional capacity in real time, and why opting out—or leaving early—can be an act of wisdom, not failure.
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Find Kenzie at therapy-with-kenzie.com or @therapywithkenzie
Find Carli at Psychology Today Profile or @carlikinglmft
Hello and welcome. I'm Kenzie. And I'm Carly. And this is Ask a Therapist.
SPEAKER_00Each week we explore life's most relatable questions, from relationships and boundaries to burnout and self-worth, all through a therapist lens.
SPEAKER_01We're licensed therapists, but this isn't therapy. It's a place for insight, reflection, and a little humor along the way.
SPEAKER_00Your questions, our insights, ask a therapist. This podcast is intended for entertainment and educational purposes only. The content shared should not be considered a substitute for professional mental health care, diagnosis, or treatment. We strongly encourage listeners to seek help from a licensed mental health professional for any personal or psychological concerns.
SPEAKER_01Any advice or commentary offered is based solely on the information provided. As such, we cannot guarantee any specific outcomes, and the feedback given should not be interpreted as professional mental health advice. If you are experiencing a mental health crisis, please call 911-988 or 211.
SPEAKER_00Hi, everybody. Welcome back to Ask a Therapist. This is episode 20. This is our last episode of season two. And this week we are focusing on infertility and attending baby showers. We want to share a quick reminder that all our questions are specific to listener submissions. The insight and responses we share are meant to be supportive and applicable to anyone who may be listening. So if you're going through this challenging season or know someone who is, this episode is for you. We are excited to explore this with you all. So let's get started. Carly, kicking it off to you.
SPEAKER_01Yes. Today's topic obviously is a little heavier. So this is just a fun, light um question to get us started. Kenzie, if you had to compete on a reality show, which one would it be?
SPEAKER_00Okay. I am, gosh, I'm thinking, I've always wanted to go on Family Feud. I feel like it's the same. Love Family Feud. Go ahead. I'm not gonna answer Feud. No. I feel like it's like at the right intelligence level. I would be toast on Jeopardy. I would be up there like I would never, I couldn't answer a thing. But Family Feud is like, I don't know, there's just something so fun about it. I love watching it and be like trying to guess my own answers. And you know, there's a good energy to it. So I think that one would be a blast. I think that one of my biggest delusions in life is that I love the show Special Forces. Have we ever seen Special Forces? No. Okay. It's a show where, like, uh, I don't know, there's like these special forces or people who had been in the special forces and they basically bring celebrities in and like take them through a special forces training. I'm sure it's like a lot um much more like uh muddled down, obviously. But every time I watch it, I'm like, I could do this. Like I could mentally get through this. There is no way. There's absolutely no way that I could actually get through it. But I do think that I love watching it and being like, could I could I have the mental strength to get and the physical strength to get through this?
SPEAKER_01Yeah, I any show like that, any survivor or anything along those lines, I am not surviving. Like, rescue me, get me out of here. None of those would be my strong suits. I'm with you on Family Feud. I have loved Family Feud since I was a kid. I love to play along. Of course, at home when I'm playing, I'm like excellent at it. I always get the best answers. I'm sure when the lights are on you and you're on the spot, it probably feels very different. But that probably would be my first choice. And I would be very strict in who I would choose to come with me because I would be very angry if you did it. So I don't even know that all of my family would make it. Like there would be tryouts and everything in order to make my team.
SPEAKER_00Yes.
SPEAKER_01Sister-in-law actually loves Family Feud, and she's pretty good at it too. So she might be my number two. And then we'd have to, by process of elimination, get get rid of everyone else. Yeah. So I would say Family Feud, anything Jeopardy, I will know like two of the answers, but they do have a um, I think it's like pop culture Jeopardy that it's hosted by um a guy from Saturday Night Live. And I have found that to be a little more fun to watch because I at least know more of the answers, but still not enough for me to compete. Okay. Okay, okay. Now, if they had a wordle, I would be all in that. I know that they have some game shows that are like similar with words. Wordle, sign me up, but that's not a game show yet.
SPEAKER_00So wait, Carly, can you tell the listeners your Wordle story? Because I think about it every single day when I'm playing. My heart breaks for you every day when I think about it.
SPEAKER_01Yeah. So I do Wordle every day, and I had a streak I have to check because I don't I want to say I was at maybe like 317 or something. I didn't quite make it to a year, was my um longest streak ever of getting it getting them correct. And the day that I missed it most recently was because I was sick and it was on um New Year's Day, which is just like such a gut punch. Yes, my max streak was 317. My current streak is 42 because I've been I've picked it back up since. But um I've played almost 1400 times, so I am addicted to Wordle.
SPEAKER_00That you got that many days in a row. And I'm so sad. I think that Wordle needs to like have a once-in-a-lifetime like reset, get your streak back, like extenuating circumstances because that is heartbreaking.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, it sucks. It's but it's one thing to not get the word, it's a whole separate thing to miss the day and just because I was like so out of it. So that felt like a real gut punch, you know. Well, you're on your way back.
SPEAKER_0040's pretty good too. So you'll I'm hanging in there.
SPEAKER_01Yeah.
SPEAKER_00We'll celebrate when you get to that 318 mark. We'll celebrate.
SPEAKER_01That would be awesome. I would love that. Okay, so today we are talking about infertility and baby showers, which I have to imagine there are maybe more people who can relate to this than maybe have ever talked about it openly. So I'm so grateful for this letter and the listener who um showed the courage to write it. Um, and so we are going to jump in. He says, hello. I have a question about how to balance supporting myself and supporting other people. I have been struggling with infertility and recurrent miscarriages for the past two years. I have two people in my life that will be having baby showers soon. Up until this point, I chose not to attend a shower that took place the weekend after my first miscarriage and a sprinkle that happened later. I was also unavailable that day and she was understanding about me not going. My last miscarriage was about nine months ago. And while I'm in a much better place around that grief, I'm still struggling to become pregnant, and I don't know how I would how I will feel at these events. Baby announcements and seeing lots of pregnant women and kids has been tough, but not exactly triggering. How do I decide if I attend or how long I stay? I want to support my friends, but I know that if I'm crying in the corner, I can't be supportive. Kenzie, what do you have for our listener today?
SPEAKER_00Yes. Okay, so this is this is a big one for so many reasons. One, Carly, to your point of so many people are going through this, experiencing it. Um, and you know, it is such a um big, heavy, like um just important topic. And it is one that I personally can relate to. And so this is, you know, it would it, Carly, you know this, my friends and family know this. This is not something that I've shared like publicly or on a big platform. And so when this question came in, there were a lot of emotions that came up with it, and truthfully, like a little bit of a fear of addressing it is such an important topic. It's one that I am thankful that we have the platform to talk about on here. This is a club that nobody wants to be a part of. And I have a lot of thoughts about this that I will go in depth a little bit more on, but um, you know, it's a club that no one wants to be a part of, that nobody really talks about being a part of. And so there's a lot of isolation in it. And there's there's just so much, there's so many emotions. So um I I am not happy that this listener is going through this at all. I would not wish this upon anyone, um, but I am happy that we are going to get to talk about it today and address some of this because I know, I know how hard it is, I know how isolating it is, and I know how important it is to touch on some Carly. What were some of your initial thoughts? And then we can kind of go into it a little bit more.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, well, first I'm so grateful that you chose to share your story here, or at least a little bit of it. And my initial thoughts are just such empathy. I'm so sorry that the listener is experiencing this. I'm sorry that you've experienced this. To your point, it's it's one of those things of like you don't wish on your worst enemy. At least I hope not. And because of how isolating it can be, it is a grief that people often carry silently. And so just knowing that it it's one thing to be grieving a loss, it's another thing to not feel like you can or want to share that with other people. And so you just kind of carry it on your own. And what a heavy burden that can be, especially when maybe even people who are relatively close or close to you and around you don't necessarily know. And so there may not be like that sensitivity, there may not be that awareness, even their excitement about their own experience, like they may be completely unaware that it is hitting you in a particular place. So my first thought is just, I'm so sorry that this is your experience. I really hope that this episode, that there is something healing about it for anybody who can relate. And I also hope it peaks a little bit of awareness just for everyone, in terms of we never know what people are carrying silently, right? So if we can all just be a little more aware, a little more empathetic, a little more sensitive to the fact that someone can literally be having their worst day. And to you, it's just another Tuesday, you know? So I mean, quite literally. So um that that that's my initial reaction. Yeah.
SPEAKER_00Um, you know, thank you for bringing that up too, because it's so true. Like part of me going through this journey has been like, oh my God, I feel like I was living in this like la la land before, and now I'm in this place of like, oh my gosh, this is like the grief that people might be carrying in their everyday life that you have no idea about. I did have a very early miscarriage and I called, I had an ultrasound scheduled with the OBGYN, and I had to call and cancel it. Um, and I'm sorry, I I will probably get emotional at this episode. You know, this is just, I just, it's such a heavy, heavy road to walk. Um, but so I called the OBGYN to to cancel my ultrasound appointment. And the girl was like, are you even a patient here? Like, like just very like, what's your date of birth? Like, what's whatever? And I hung up and I was like, I just felt so like I was just like, I am I am having the worst day of my life. And this secretary, you know, front desk worker, like could not have given a shit. Excuse my language. But I ended up, I ended up calling back and I was like, listen, I know that you do this for work. I know that you probably get this all the time. And I was like, but this is the hardest thing I've ever been through in my life. And if somebody, I was like, I hope that you've never had to experience this. I hope that you never have to experience this. But like, if somebody calls and tells you this again, it might, it might mean a lot just to say, I'm so sorry that this happened to you. Um, she actually, you know, funny, we just had this uh conversation our last episode. She was a little bit defensive around it. She wasn't like, you know, I'm so sorry. But hopefully, you know, she heard it and um take that into another experience. Um, but I do want to touch on the isolation piece a little bit more because it is something that like people handle it differently, right? Like some people don't tell anybody, some people do talk about it. But even if you do share with people, it's still isolating. It's still something that other people can't understand unless they're also going through it. It's isolating in your marriage. Like if you are not the person who is, like if you are not the child rearing partner in your relationship, your other partner doesn't, doesn't know your experience. They have their own experience of it, but it is isolating in the sense of like the physical toll that you're carrying, the mental, emotional, like you know, friends absolutely can be there for you. Family can absolutely be there for you. But even when you have people that you can turn to and open open up to, you still don't really get it unless you get it, um, or unless you've been through it. And so there's an isolating part in that as well. And some people, you know, like I don't know, I'll I'll backtrack a little bit, but the depression and anxiety rates in infertility and miscarriage are equivalent to the depression and anxiety rates of people who have a terminal cancer diagnosis. And so it is high. Like it is a a trauma that you feel in your body. It is extremely difficult to manage. And there's that isolation piece. There's that like keeping it a secret piece. And a part of that comes from there's this narrative around like shame. There's this narrative around there's something that you could do to control it. There's something that you could be doing differently, that you could be doing better. You know, stress, people always love to throw out, like, you just you just need to stress a little bit less. Do not even get me started on that. That drives me absolutely crazy because people get pregnant all the time. Like, this is not a needing to be less stressed. This is something that is biological. Um, you know, there there is so much just like misinformation out there around infertility and pregnancy loss that keeps people stuck in this experience of like, this is shameful. This is something that I can't talk about. This is something that people don't want to hear about. This is something that maybe somebody's gonna tell me, like, just don't stress, or like eat all whole foods, or do whatever. And it's like, okay, this is that that's it's just not accurate and it's not true. So yeah, it's something you're holding your own. You, you know, there's no like meal trains that are going around for people that are experiencing this. There's no go fund me's, there's no like social media posts. Like this is something where you're experiencing extremely high rates of depression, anxiety, mental load, and you're you don't really have a community or space to talk about it unless you kind of seek that out. I'm gonna pause. I can go on forever, but and you can.
SPEAKER_01I mean, I I'm glad that you brought that up because um I wanted to share just some of like the statistics in terms of just how common this is because of the fact that it's something that people tend to deal with more so in isolation than openly. You know, research suggests that about one million miscarriages occur in the US every year. And so, you know, if you think about that, that is several every day. Like this is actually very calm and it accounts for about 15% or I'm sorry, about 15% of respondents to this survey reported that their partner had experienced they or their partner had experienced at least one miscarriage. Um, and that's just people who are reporting it. And also roughly one in every four pregnancies when considering clinically recognized pregnancies. So these are pregnancies where the the person knew that they were pregnant. So it's way more common than we may realize. And quite frankly, I could understand why some people choose to keep it to themselves. I don't think that many people really know how to even respond with appropriate empathy to your point. Like, you know, they maybe want to make you feel better or make a suggestion or even give you hope that it can get better. And that may not be really what you're wanting or needing to hear in the moment. I don't think people know what to say or do in response. You may not want people asking you after that, oh, how are you doing today? You know, it's like that constant reminder or checking, well, are you are you still trying or what's going on that? So it may just seem easier to kind of keep it to yourself. This is something that I know I've been guilty of. There was um a woman that I knew that she was pregnant. The last time I had seen her, she was pregnant. I saw her a few months later. She was very clearly no longer pregnant. And so I asked, like, oh, you know, how how's the baby? Um, and she said to me very like directly and straightforward, my baby died. And I was just like, shit, like I didn't know what I felt so terrible. And I I remember playing back and forth in my head, like, was that an inappropriate question to ask? Like, should I have not asked? But then I'm like, but I mean, I of course didn't know, and it probably would have seemed awkward not to acknowledge it when that was the last, you know, interaction that we had had. But like, what do you say? It's kind of like, oh my gosh, I'm so sorry. I didn't know what else to say. And I just remember sitting with that weight, and I'm like, but she sits with that weight literally every day. I'm sure that there's not a day that she doesn't think about it. And I remember feeling so ill-equipped with like wanted to say something comforting, and I had nothing. So I I think people can relate on both sides to just the discomfort of talking openly about it.
SPEAKER_00Absolutely. You know, to your point, Carly, like there's no right answer here. Like it is so individual specific and it is so hard. It's it's a conversation that like nobody knows how to navigate. If you're going through it, if you're not going through it, like it is a very because you can't fix it. And that's actually a conversation that I've had with family members, right? Is like this is not something that any of us can fix. Like this is not something that is just going to like that you can control, that you can wrap up, that can like get better. And so you do, you have to sit with the grief of it. And I do think that like acknowledging it is something that I've appreciated, you know, when people check in, when they ask, when they just kind of say, like, how are you doing? Because yeah, I'm I am literally thinking about it every single day, right? Like, there is no day that this is not on my heart and on my mind. Honestly, it is nice to to have people that I can update and that I can talk to and that I can share with kind of like, here's here's what's going on and here's where we're at. So, but for some people, they don't feel that and and they don't want to have to explain it or have to open up about it and talk about it. So I do think that it it depends on who you are and how uh you want to navigate this situation. But, you know, there's a lot that I have here just around like kind of what you can do. I do want to touch on obviously, this is the question is around like baby shower and do I go, how long do I stay? And so I want to um kind of touch on that too. But a couple of things that I just wanted to note beforehand. I obviously am a therapist. I believe in therapy and I know like how wonderful and how healing it can be. If you are going through this, I I cannot recommend enough. Like therapy for me, I think before this experience had always been like a gift. It had been like such a um privilege to be able to like have it as a tool and to learn about myself and to grow. Going through uh recurrent pregnancy loss and infertility, it became a need. Like it was like I need this. This is a check-in that I need because this feels so hard to hold on my own. It has been so, so helpful. Um, my therapist is wonderful and is specialized in this. And um I could not be more thankful for her. I also started attending group therapy, which was so great. Like all of a sudden, you get this community of people that that you can talk to about how hard it is and have similar experiences that you can share. And at the end of group, you know, we all got each other's numbers, so we can text about certain things and updates. And it's like, okay, you've got you've got this group, you've got these people that you can turn to. So those are two things that I could not recommend enough. If you are going through this, the other thing that I will say is they tell you to wait a year, they tell you that you need to have three pregnancy losses before they start to like look at anything or do any testing. And I think that that is complete BS. This is one of the hardest things that you will ever have to navigate. And I think that if I had listened to those guidelines, I truly do not know how I would have been able to handle it emotionally. Like, I can't imagine why the those standards ever were put in place, why how you could ever tell somebody, like, wait, like go through this three times or wait this long before you can kind of get any answers. It is heartbreaking and soul crushing and it changes you. And so if you have been trying consistently, I don't know, for like six months and it is not happening, or if you have had early miscarriages, go to a doctor that will listen to you and will take you seriously and will get you the help that um you need and will get you the testing that you need, because it is so common in this world of people who, you know, they wait a year and and then they go and then people, and then the doctor's like, Oh, why didn't you come earlier? Like now we have, you know, all these tests that we have to go through. We have all these things that we have to do. And, you know, you don't get taken seriously until they do the tests, and then you and then it's serious. And it's just if you have an experience where a doctor kind of dismisses you or writes you off, find another one because you should not have to wait that long.
SPEAKER_01Much appreciate that perspective and just the recommendations in terms of what you found that has worked for you. You know, I think that that is incredibly helpful and insightful. And particularly the group therapy, connecting with a community of people who can understand and relate, um, I think can be such a uh a comforting, uh healing process, you know. It doesn't take anyone's grief away, but at least you don't have to carry it alone. And I think that's um, you know, one of the major benefits of it. And then just the importance of advocacy, you know, like advocating for what you need. We live in our bodies every day. If you feel like something is not right, and I mean I say this outside of pregnancy and everything, if you feel like something is not right, advocate for yourself, you know. Like if if people aren't listening, if medical professionals aren't taking you seriously, there are plenty of medical professionals out there. Seek a new one. So I appreciate that you shared that.
SPEAKER_00Yeah. Yeah. Um, yes, thank you. And I um I do want to jump to Carly, I'm not sure if you had anything else that you wanted to add. I do want to jump to the going to a baby shower part of this question. So um what were your thoughts around that?
SPEAKER_01Yeah. Um, well, one of my first thoughts in listening was how she talked about how she had already made the decision not to go to a previous baby shower, which I think just shows like good self-awareness, good self-care. She recognized that she wasn't in a place to be able to go at that point. And so just the fact that she knows it's okay to acknowledge I don't have the capacity for this right now, I think is a great starting point. I think there are plenty of people who would try to push or force themselves, especially depending on whether or not they've shared their experience with the friend. Like, well, everyone's gonna wonder why I'm not there or it's gonna be awkward, or people are gonna assume negative things if I don't go to my best friend's shower or my cousin's. And so, you know, just the fact that she's willing to give herself and out, I think is an important step. You never have to sacrifice your well-being to show up for another person. So I don't even think this is like a should I or shouldn't I? It's almost more so like, what do I have the capacity for and what don't I? Because should we can throw those like right out of the window. And the amount of time, in my opinion, does not matter. Even if you feel like you're far enough out that it's not like something that maybe it instantly brings tears or or what have you, that really doesn't matter. You know, it's more about kind of knowing yourself, recognizing what you're ready for, and then being kind enough to yourself to make a decision that honors that. And I think there are plenty of ways to show up for friends and celebrate, celebrate friends. And it's possible that you could find another way to do that that doesn't involve putting yourself in the line of fire in that way.
SPEAKER_00What do you think? I think that that was so perfectly said. I think that you nailed that response. Everything that you said is so true. This is something that somebody actually in my group, another individual that's that's going through this, said, and I thought was such an important uh perspective to bring. And it was this idea of like, you know, for people who are pregnant, their baby is their joy. Like me attending their baby shower or this listener attending their baby shower, that's not where they're getting their joy from, right? Or how you um tell somebody like they have their joy in that pregnancy. And so it's not on you. Like, if you can't be there for a person at that time, you might really want to, it might be really hard for you that you're navigating this because you want to be there for that person, but it is not your responsibility to put that pressure on yourself of feeling like if I don't go, they're gonna be upset, or I don't want to make this about me by not going. Their joy is not in you. You don't have to take responsibility for that. And I like your point, Carly, about how you can show up and be supportive to people in your life in in different ways. Like it doesn't have to be in just going to this baby shower or, you know, in doing things that that maybe you're not emotionally ready for right now. Yeah. I mean, 100%.
SPEAKER_01And and there's such a range in that, right? Like you could so I I would say be flexible with yourself in terms of what you even put on the table as the options. It's not an all or nothing, right? You could go drop off a gift, say hello, give hugs, and decide to leave or show up a little bit later and you know, it give your your love and congratulations and everything. Meet up with them separately. You could send something. And so I think there are just so many ways to still show your love and support for your friend while still taking care of yourself. And that's important. You do have to balance those two because the just jumping back to the grief just a little bit, you may be nine months out from that last experience. But the the grief that comes with miscarriages is also like a grief for the future, right? There's a future that you clearly saw and wanted for yourself that this becomes a reminder that that is not your current reality. And right now, that is not the future that you're planning for. And so it can re-trigger or like kind of bring up some of that grief that maybe you felt you had settled. But this is this is ongoing. And so you have to kind of pace yourself in how you choose to handle these moments. And I do believe that people who love and care for you, you know, should be understanding of that. Granted, if they don't know, then they may have a harder time, you know, understanding why you might not be present. But that may be something that you have to be okay with, is that everyone won't understand, but you understand. You know what you're doing for yourself. And so can that be okay? Can that be acceptable for you?
SPEAKER_00Yeah. Yeah, absolutely. It is such an important point that you made about how like this last night miscarriage was nine months ago. They're thinking about where they would be at at this point if they hadn't had that miscarriage. And so it's going to bring, it's going to be additionally emotional to think about and and a space to be in. And I also like your point about this doesn't have to be all or nothing. You know, I know that they had mentioned, like, I want to support my friends, but I know that if I'm crying in a corner, I can't be supportive. Like, you have to support yourself too. If you go to this baby shower and you're feeling kind of like, okay, I got this. I'm gonna be, you know, I'm in the right headspace. I feel like I can do this. And you get there and everything changes, like you do, you do not have to stay. You can slip out, you can leave. You could go to the bathroom, you could cry in the bathroom for a little bit, you could pull yourself back together and kind of be like, okay, I'm gonna, you know, I'm gonna go back out there. Something that I would say is to, if you decide that you want to go, um, I would kind of set up like some preparation, right? So set up a little bit of like an escape plan. Um, set like drive yourself there, or you know, maybe have your partner or a friend or something like on standby if you need, like, hey, I need a ride, or I need I just need to call you as an excuse. Like, I need you to tell me that I need to come home. I also would prepare for after the baby shower. Wait, like you, you have no idea how you might be feeling leading up to it. You have no idea how you might be feeling leaving it. And so, what are some like self-care ways that you can prepare for afterwards? You might need to come home and like lie on the couch and cry the rest of the afternoon and set aside some time to do that. You might need to go on a really long walk and like get some jitters and some nerves out before you go to the baby shower. Like just give yourself some time and some space to feel whatever's gonna come up for you on that day because it will.
SPEAKER_01I think that's excellent advice. Just, you know, being mindful of what you need around that experience is is very important. And I really like the idea of having at least one trusted person who's aware that if they can be there with you, that's great. But even if they can just be mindful that you are there and be an out for you, like you said, if you need to send a quick text or make a phone call or step out, um, you know, still making sure that you have that support, I think is is incredibly important. Um in the case that this listener chose not to go, I'm curious to know if you have any suggestions or language around what they could possibly say, maybe to the person, like ways to communicate uh without I I guess or sharing or, you know, depending on their comfort level. Do you have thoughts on how they might go about backing out gracefully? Sure.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, I mean, I think that it depends. So this listener is kind of saying, like, it's their friend. They have two people in their life that they're gonna be having baby showers for. And it it doesn't look like I'm just kind of reading back over it. Yeah, it doesn't look they they didn't necessarily say what their relationship with these people were are. I do think that it depends, right? Like if it's a really good friend or like a very close family member, that's gonna be that's gonna look so different than if it's like my mom's neighbor's daughter, right? Like, like, like, and and your response to going or not going is gonna look different, probably depending on the relationships that you have with these people. I don't think that you have to over explain or over like if it's not something that you're that close to and you're like, I'm not going to this baby shower, you just kind of say, like, hey, I'm so sorry I can't make it. I'll send a gift, you know, fine, whatever, wash your hands of it. If it is a close friend or family member, if you have told them what's going on, you can kind of just say, like, hey, I am so happy for you. I love you so much. I'm not gonna be able to make it to the baby shower, but I would love to celebrate you a different way at a different time. Like, and and you know, sometimes that could even be like after the baby comes to. Sometimes that's a little bit easier for people, is like being able to celebrate the baby when you get to meet the baby. And that's okay too.
SPEAKER_01But those are are great and definitely agreed on. It depends on the relationship. Not everyone like needs an explanation. Yeah, you can simply say you have a conflict, and while that may not be completely honest, that may the be the best way for you to take care of yourself in the in that moment and not necessarily have to face um giving like all of your reasons. But in the case that you do want to share, or maybe the person already has some, you know, level of understanding, just being honest and saying that I I want to celebrate you, but I also have to take care of myself and I don't think I'm ready. You know, I don't know that I can show up for you in the way that I would like to. Um, but it's still important to me that you know that I'm happy for you and that, you know, I want you to enjoy this moment. So it's a it's a difficult conversation, but sometimes a necessary one.
SPEAKER_00Yeah.
SPEAKER_01Yeah.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, absolutely. Obviously, my heart goes out to this listener so much. And I, on the last day of my group therapy art therapist, the leader of the group, she left us with this quote, and it says, In the wild, female elephants are known as fierce protectors. And when one of their sisters is suffering, they circle up around her. They close in tight, watch guard, and even kick dust around her to mask her vulnerable scent from predators. And yet we are the same. This is who we are, and who we are is meant to be for each other. Sometimes we're the ones in the middle, sometimes we're the ones kicking up dust with fierce, fierce love. But the circle remains. And I mean, it's just beautiful and such a good reminder. But like, you know, we I think as women, as people, like we want to be there and show up for the people that we love and that we care about. But just to this listener, you are in the middle right now. Like you need people around you too that are gonna kick up that dust and that are gonna be there and support you. So I hope that you find those people. And it sounds like you're there for your people as well, and you're you're showing up for them and supporting them. But just make sure that you know that you have that support too, and that and that you have to take care of yourself as well in this because it is a lot to to manage and to hold. And so I you are absolutely in my heart. I am sending such a big hug out to you and anybody else who might be going through this and experiencing this. And yeah, and I and I appreciate thank you for letting us talk about this.
SPEAKER_01Thank you so much to the listener. Thank you to Kenzie. We are closing up season two here. We are so appreciative for everyone who has listened to an episode or all of the episodes. Um, we appreciate that you've shared it with people. We are really appreciate the people who have submitted questions. Um, we are definitely coming back. We'll take a break for a few weeks, but we will be back. So please, please, please still send your questions. Um, we are so grateful just that you all would, you know, join us on this journey and be interested to hear what we have to say. So we just want to give a heartfelt thank you to everyone who's participated, joined us, listened, and shared. If you'd like to hear our thoughts on a topic that matters to you, email your question to info at askathherapistpod.com. We'd also like your thoughts on today's topic. What resonated, what didn't, what did we miss? If you have advice for our listener, please share it. You may just hear your feedback on a future episode. Follow us on Instagram and TikTok at ask a therapist underscore pod. Emails and DMs are always welcome. Also, if you'd like to connect with me or Kenzie and learn more about the services we offer in our private practices, check the show notes for ways to reach us directly. With that, we're signing off. Thanks for listening, and remember, don't wing it, just ask a therapist.
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