It Takes a Village (Ep. 26)

What happens when you try to do the right thing for a child—but it puts you at odds with their parent?

In this episode, Kenzie & Carli unpack a listener letter from an uncle who found himself in hot water with his brother after explaining Juneteenth to his nephews. The conversation dives into the complicated intersection of intention, identity, and boundaries within families.

They explore the reality that conversations about race aren’t optional for some children—especially those growing up in environments where they may already feel “othered.” At the same time, they hold space for the importance of parental autonomy and the emotional weight of being “the one” to introduce big, meaningful topics to your kids.

Whether you’re a parent, aunt, uncle, or trusted adult in a child’s life, this conversation offers a nuanced look at how to show up with care, honesty, and respect—even when it’s messy.

Have a question? Email us at info@askatherapistpod.com, use the link below, or DM us on IG or TikTok at @askatherapist_pod

Submit Your Question Here!

Find Kenzie at therapy-with-kenzie.com or @therapywithkenzie

Find Carli at carlikingtherapy.com or @carlikinglmft

Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:00

Hello and welcome. I'm Kenzie. And I'm Carly. And this is Ask a Therapist.

SPEAKER_01 0:06

Each week we explore life's most relatable questions, from relationships and boundaries to burnout and self-worth, all through a therapist lens.

SPEAKER_00 0:14

We're licensed therapists, but this isn't therapy. It's a place for insight, reflection, and a little humor along the way. Your questions, our insights, Ask a Therapist.

SPEAKER_01 0:26

This podcast is intended for entertainment and educational purposes only. The content shared should not be considered a substitute for professional mental health care, diagnosis, or treatment. We strongly encourage listeners to seek help from a licensed mental health professional for any personal or psychological concerns.

SPEAKER_00 0:44

Any advice or commentary offered is based solely on the information provided. As such, we cannot guarantee any specific outcomes, and the feedback given should not be interpreted as professional mental health advice. If you are experiencing a mental health crisis, please call 911-988 or 211. Hi, everybody.

SPEAKER_01 1:02

Welcome back to Ask a Therapist. This is episode 26. We are wishing everyone a happy Juneteenth as we recognize and honor the significance of this holiday and its history. We want to acknowledge the importance of conversations around race, identity, and history. And this week we are hearing from a listener who feels at odds with his brother on how to do that. We want to share a quick reminder that while our questions are specific to listener submissions, the insight and responses we share are meant to be supportive and applicable to anyone who may be listening. We are excited to explore this with you all, so let's get started. Harley, it's good to see you. But you just got back from a very fun trip to New Orleans. I would love to hear about it.

SPEAKER_00 1:43

Yes. Well, all I'm gonna talk about is food because that to me was like the best part of it. I mean, that's what one of the main things New Orleans is known for. And I mean, they truly live up to it. Okay. I just have to tell you, while I had, you know, some great food, which is always the case in New Orleans. I literally had the best dining experience I think I've ever had in my life. Now, this is not an ad, but it's getting ready to be one for this restaurant because that's how good it was. It's called Dakar, D-A-K-A-R, and they serve like traditional Senegalese uh food. It is a seven-course tasting menu. So they have like all of these, they're very small in portion, but I mean, when I tell you the presentation, the like the flavors were just so I don't even know how to describe them. It was like everything was so like layered and rich. And they would come out and explain each course to you. And they even have like um communal style uh seating. And so you sit with people that you don't necessarily know. And that is like like one of the best parts of the experience. So we were with um four other people that we didn't know, and you get to just kind of like, you know, talk and talk about the food, and it was absolutely amazing. The chef came out and introduced himself and took pictures with us, and I do believe they're um gonna be closing because they're opening a new location that is actually gonna be even smaller than this location because he's trying to get back to like the very real traditional, like Senegalese traditions. So like eating with your hands and things like that. But I cannot even do it justice in my description. But this is a Michelin star chef. This is like you know, he's awarded and and very well respected. But I would say that was absolutely the highlight of the trip.

SPEAKER_01 3:43

Oh, that is so cool. I am like, am one, I'm sold. I've never been to New Orleans, but I'm actually going this fall. And one of the things that I'm most excited about is the food because I, you know, it's just so like rooted in history and like it just is you hear so much about the food in New Orleans, and I hope that they're still open in the fall when we go. I'm like so sold. That sounds so fun. And I also love the idea of like it being a communal experience, like sitting with people and getting to know people and how like connecting food can be in a way. So that's that is cool. That sounds like such a fun experience. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 4:20

No, I'm gonna tell you, you're gonna have to get your reservations early. Yeah. Because apparently they open up like, I don't know, once a month. And when it does, it like fills up for the next month. You know what I mean? So since you know in advance that you're going, we're gonna make sure that you get your reservations. But yeah.

SPEAKER_01 4:37

I know I'm already like, okay, I'm gonna have to look it up after this and see how like how far in advance can you get in and get in. That that kind of stuff is um, you know, there am like, I will make it a point. If I have to wake up at 5 a.m. to like get that re reservation, I'm gonna do that. So I'm all in.

SPEAKER_00 4:55

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SPEAKER_01 5:58

All right, Kylie, we um have a question from a listener today that says, I'm writing because my brother is pissed at me, and I'm trying to figure out if what I did was necessary or just plain out of bounds. My brother has two boys, five and seven, and I've always been the fun uncle who lets them do all the fun stuff their parents say no to. I told my brother I'd be the one to pick them up from parties and sneak them back into the house if necessary. I recently mentioned that I was hosting a Juneteenth cookout and that and the kids asked what that meant. They're biracial, black and white, and they're growing up in a predominantly white neighborhood and going to school with very few kids who look like them. My brother wasn't around, so I answered. I told them Juneteenth is about the day enslaved black people in the US finally learned they were free, years after they were supposed to be. I told them that while it's a celebration, it also comes from something really painful and unfair in our country's history. When my brother found out he lost it, he said I overstepped and that it's his job as their parent to decide when and how to introduce these topics. He said they're too young and I should respect their parenting decisions. I honestly get that. But I don't think these conversations are optional for them. The world isn't going to wait until my brother feels ready. They're already being shaped by their environment, by what they see, what they don't see, what people say, and what people avoid saying. I worry that silence around these topics of race sends its own message. I wasn't trying to undermine my brother or their parenting. I was caught off guard by the question and tried to answer honestly, but in an age-appropriate way. Would it have been better to deflect or not answer at all? I honestly don't know what I should have done, looking for some honest feedback.

SPEAKER_00 7:31

This question was so interesting to me because I feel like there's like multiple things that are that are being discussed here, which is like, you know, how we talk to children in an age-appropriate way about topics that are sometimes nuanced and difficult and where people maybe hold differences of opinion about like how to have those discussions. But then also just a conversation about family dynamics and boundaries and roles and like what is appropriate as like not the parent of a child, but maybe a trusted adult in a child's life, like where those boundaries are and should be. And so I'm excited to dive into it, but I understand the touchiness of the subject. And so I found myself even in reading it, like feeling some caution around how I respond to this. And just if I'm being transparent, recognizing that my personal views on this may differ from like how I would respond to this letter or what I would advise this listener to do. So very like nuanced reaction to this. But what do you think, Kenzie?

SPEAKER_01 8:35

Yeah, I I agree with that for sure. I think that something that came up for me with with this letter is uh, I don't know how to explain this, but like not the confusion, but like this listener is saying, like, I I'm really trying to figure out what I like what I did here and what like how my brother responded. I think that what they're kind of saying is like, I get it. I get where they're coming from. I get how I might have overstepped in some ways. And also I really feel pretty justified in the fact that this isn't this is an important conversation to have. And maybe I don't necessarily agree with how they are handling the fact that their kids are biracial and the conversations that they are or aren't having with them around it. And so, you know, they mentioned like, I'm really trying to figure out what I did. I want some honest feedback here. Like they they're really trying to get a perspective. To be completely honest, I think that they're asking the wrong people. Like, we we obviously are going to answer this and have a conversation around this because I think it's an important topic. But I do think that everything that they're saying, this is a conversation that they should be having with their brother around what they're seeing and what's coming up for them with it. Um, and Carly, you're you're smiling and and nodding. So I'm curious your thoughts on this. But I also just want to highlight that the at the very beginning they said, I'm trying to figure out that if what I did was necessary or just plain out of bounds. And in some ways, that feels a little bit like all or nothing to me. I think that both that there are two truths, there are two things that are true at once here. I think that it is understandable that the brother maybe feels undermined in a way of saying, like, this wasn't your conversation to have. These are my kids. I'd like some dialogue around how, like, like I'd like to be the parent here. And that I understand this listener's perspective of like, this is an important thing to talk about. And what was I supposed to do? Just kind of not say anything. Like, I tried to say it in an age appropriate way. They asked me the question. Am I just supposed to avoid these topics? And sometimes, sorry, I'm like rambling here, but sometimes something that we do talk about in therapy is when you show a kid, like if a kid comes to you and talks about something that might be a little bit more delicate or or something that um carries heavy emotional weight, if you show them that you might not be comfortable with it, or if you avoid it or if you shy away from it, it might be giving them the subliminal message of, like, oh, we don't talk about that. So they might be curious around it. They might be, you know, these kids are five and seven, but they're of course they're creating, they have an a sense of what the world looks like. They're, you know, they they know that if they're going to a school with people who don't look like them, like they notice that. That that is something that's coming up for them. So, but if they get the sense that, oh, this isn't something that we should talk about or that that we are allowed to talk about, or adults get uncomfortable when we bring this up, they're gonna learn to like keep those questions to themselves. So um, a lot of a lot of initial thoughts there. But Carly, what are you thinking?

SPEAKER_00 11:29

Yeah, I mean, honestly, I agree with a lot of what you said and some of it I was gonna suggest as well. Like specifically the question at the end about what was I supposed to do. I agree. I think that that is a conversation to have with the brother and get his input on at least what he would have wanted his brother to say or do or not say or do in those situations. But I'm with you 100% on two things can be true. And the first thing I want to say to this listener is it does sound like his intentions were genuine and coming from a good place, right? So I think that's part of what he's struggling with is his actions were interpreted in a way that he didn't really intend. He thought he was maybe doing a good thing or doing like a helpful thing. And his brother's reaction caught him off guard. And that is a hard thing. When we have good intentions and then we learn that the impact was more negative, it's like, well, wait a minute, that that's not what I was trying to do. I wasn't trying to undermine you. Like I was trying to deal honestly, you know, like I thought I was somewhat in bounds, and then you're learning that maybe for someone else, not so much. So it can be true that your intention was good. It can be true that there are a few other things that are true. I think there's a lot in terms of this listener's reasoning behind why they feel the topic is important to explain to the children that are valid. Right. Like to your point, Kenzie, when we avoid topics or like we teach children what's okay and not okay and what's appropriate and what's like fair grounds to discuss versus not, based on the way that we respond to their questions and based on the conversations that we have with them. And so here's where, you know, some of my like personal beliefs maybe conflict with what I would recommend. I think the listener is spot on with, you know, you don't avoid and ignore topics related to race, especially with children who are from an underrepresented community and may have some like heightened awareness of that because of the environment that they're in. And so I do agree with that. But the problem is I'm not this child's parent, right? Like these children like have a parent who maybe hold different views and they're entitled to that. Parents also are entitled to introduce topics in ways that like they feel is appropriate. And so I understand like kind of the tension of those two truths, like, you know, kind of competing with each other in this situation.

SPEAKER_01 14:00

I I completely agree with that. And I think that the listener did bring up so many good points around this. And that's why um, you know, we're both saying this, but having the conversation, this listener having the conversation with their brother is so important. Um, and and how they approach the conversation is also so important. Because if they kind of go in and they're like, listen, you're not parenting right. This is how, you know, you're doing your kids a disservice. How could you be not, how could you not have these conversations with them? Like, you know, they're growing up as biracial children in America, in this, you know, community that they're in, like you need to be having these conversations. The brother probably will get defensive. But if they're able to, if this listener is able to approach the conversation and say, hey, here's where I was coming from, here's what I'm noticing, this is why it felt important to me. Um and and as somebody who loves and cares for your kids, as their uncle and as a family member, this is this is something that I'm seeing, or this is something that was important, I think, to be addressed. Obviously, you are the parent, how you want me to um help support you as the parent. I'm here for, I'm I'm listening to. But I do think that those are like just important things to bring up. The other thing that I was gonna mention is it's it's possible. I don't know this, but the listener mentioned that they are the fun uncle. They are going to be picking the boys up from parties, sneaking them in the back of the house. It is very possible that there has been a subliminal subliminal messaging of like, I am going to um maybe not always completely respect your parenting decisions. And I don't know that that's truly fair because I don't know that that's what they're saying, but the brother might be feeling like, okay, you you are kind of maybe showing like there might be a history here, which is why he responded in the way that he did, of feeling like maybe you don't necessarily agree with the parenting decisions. And so they responded in a way of kind of like, you know, hey, you need to know your place. This is not your place. And so I think having a conversation around maybe even that um pattern in general might be a good thing to kind of say, like, no, we are both on the same page. We both love these kids and we want what's best for them. And that's where we're coming from with this.

SPEAKER_00 16:18

Yeah, I'm glad you brought that up because that stood out to me too, is like the listener already kind of positioned themselves as someone who maybe is willing to break the rules a little bit for the kids. And it sounds like the intention behind that is in like a fun, light, playful way. But in this case, it almost like dipped over into something that was more serious. And so, you know, if we're talking about sneaking the kid a lollipop, you know, after the parents said no, that's one thing. Um, but I feel like this maybe dipped over into something a little more just weighted and loaded. And that's part of what probably brought up the reaction. Kenzie, I think that's a very common dynamic in families in general. I think it comes up a lot with grandparents, where you send your kids with their grandparents. I don't know about anybody else. Like my kid comes back like they are, you know, she's the queen of the world. Like you're just here to serve me. Grandparents feed into it sometimes, you know, they can be like very accommodating in that sense. And like, oh, just just give them their way. Or just and sometimes as the parent, you're like, no, I have to actually like deal with this kid after you're gone. And I'm responsible for like who they become, or you know, so I'm actually trying to raise kids that maybe aren't entitled or aren't, you know, are respectful and thing, and so you're undermining that effort. And, you know, for different reasons. Sometimes grandparents get a kick out of it because it's a little bit of get back. You know, it's kind of like, you gave me hell. If this kid gives you hell, like good for you, you know. But that that is a common thing with families. But I think finding appropriate boundaries there really requires some open communication. And it also requires some assumption of positive regard. On the brother's part, if he genuinely believes that his brother has the best of intentions for his kid and like loves his kids and all of those things, then hopefully he's open to a dialogue about that. Like where, you know, he could actually hear what the listener is saying. But as a parent, you know, if you feel like someone is undermining your parenting, this listener is really running the risk of there being some distance there, there being boundaries placed between him and his nephews if he's not willing to respect their parenting boundaries. Of course, that means that the listener has somewhat of a decision to make. Like he may decide, well, this is what I believe to be right. And like morally, these are my values. And so this is what I'm committed to doing. But are you willing to risk the idea that then maybe your brother says, well, you're not necessarily allowed to, I don't know, be with the kids alone or talk about certain topics with them. Like that may come with certain restrictions based on how willing you are to respect and kind of align with whatever parenting decisions are being made. Um, and I know that that's hard because we all like kind of have ideas as to what we think is best. And when you love kids, be it your kids or nephews or cousins or what have you, you can feel strongly about it. But ultimately, I do think the parents' wishes there need to be respected if you want to continue to like have access to the kids.

SPEAKER_01 19:27

Yeah, yeah. You know, I would I would want to invite this listener to take on, instead of it being like a me versus my brother and what we think is best for these two young boys and and what they need and how they need to be like protected or nurtured growing up, this listener to think of it as how can me and my brother get on the same page of protecting them from you know the experiences that they might have in the world. Like how can we team up and be on the same page together, knowing that we both love these kids and want what's best for them and having these conversations with each other and yes, respecting him as a parent. Um, and also I think that there is absolutely room for explaining, you know, it in this question, there is care here. And there is um, I think a lot of really good and valid points. And so if you're able to have a conversation in the same way that this question is worded around like, here's where I'm confused, here's what, here's what genuinely came up for me, here's what I'm worried about about the world's not gonna wait until my brother feels ready, like having conversations around that, I think I think can help just foster some more understanding. Um but I would encourage this brother to approach it as like, all right, me and my brother are on a team here. How can we get on the same page about what makes the most sense? And to the part of his question where he's really kind of like confused and like, did I, did I do the wrong thing? Did I, you know, my brother's pissed at me, did I mess up? Um, no, I think that it came from ever like a very good place. And I think that is why the listener is so confused. And Carly, you already kind of touched on this and mentioned it, but um, I don't think that what the listener did was wrong. And also I can understand why his brother was upset and and he can too. And so I think acknowledging that, like, okay, this actually might have been a good thing because it's bringing some of this stuff to the forefront that we can have a conversation around and be on the same page about moving forward because the kids are young, they're gonna, they're going to experience a lot more in life. And you know, this might be a good opportunity for the people that care and love about, care about and love these kids to be on the same page.

SPEAKER_00 21:38

Yeah. So it what you're saying, I like I had a similar thought, but I think I think maybe I would frame it just slightly differently. And it comes from this idea of like, it takes a village to raise a child. And so this idea of like having a community of people that help to support the raising of your child, like I do think there's a lot of value in that, in that sense of community. And like working together with people around you. Where I think, because it's just a slight change, but in terms of the opportunity to like come together and collaborate, I think that's great if the parents are open to that sense of community. Like, in other words, that community is there and can be valuable, but the parents have to want that support. If they don't, then it doesn't really matter if the listener like agrees with the bit, like they're still in charge. You know what I mean? So if this were the brother's wife or partner or, you know, who's raising the children, yes, you absolutely need that alignment, that collaboration. You need to get on the same page. It's possible that these brothers may not be on the same page. And if you find that that's the case, you know, then ultimately the brother who is the parent is the one who gets to make the call in this particular case. So I agree that that collabor, that collaborative approach could be helpful. But I think the listener has to remember that this we're, we don't all have the same stake in this, right? So we can collaborate in as much as my brother is open to me collaborating. But if he decides that this is the line and that's the end of it, then, you know, you got it, that those are still his children. So I think community is important. I think there's a great opportunity here for the brothers to have a conversation and that hopefully the brother would be open to this idea of if my brother is telling me he thinks this is really important or he thinks there's almost like a danger or detriment to my children if I don't do something, I want to hear that. You know what I mean? Like I want to be able to listen to that and be open to it. So I think that that that's key. I really think in order to open that conversation, the listener is gonna have to go in with a certain amount of awareness and remorse feels like a strong word, but at least an apology for how the brother took it and was impacted by it or how he feels his children were impacted by it. I think the listener is gonna have to come saying, I am sorry that, you know, that conversation played out in the way in a way that made you uncomfortable. You know, I'm sorry if you felt like I overstepped and, you know, initiated a discussion that was inappropriate. That was not at all my intention, but I understand and hear where you're coming from. I think by taking that one-down approach, you might find that the brother is a little more open to listening. If you can say to him, like you said to us, I honestly get that. Like I don't think he's just completely off base by, you know, coming to me and and having an opinion about what I shared. That might lower the brother's defenses just a little where he could be more open to hearing what I personally think is helpful and good feedback from his own brother. I don't know if that makes sense, but absolutely.

SPEAKER_01 24:57

Um, well, first of all, I I really like the perspective of like your brother has to be open to that. And um it's a it's a test in like acceptance and having to know like you might not fully agree with some parenting decisions that they make. It might bring up a lot for you. You might feel protective over your nephews, it might bring up a lot just like in general of kind of like how the world or how the environment is and and what it means to be a black male in America and and what comes with that. And so I think that recognizing that that a lot of emotions might come up for you, and also what is your role and what kind of like control do you have over the situation. And even if it's not necessarily what you want, you might have to accept that your brother's gonna do it differently than you would and work through your own feelings and and um what your role is with that. I was gonna say the same exact thing. I do think that this is a situation that this listener should approach with kind of like, hey, I'm sorry. Like I see that this upset you. That was not my intent, and be curious and open to hearing where his brother is coming from and why it was upsetting to him and how he feels. I do think that that will de-escalate the situation. I think it will help put them in a position where maybe they can talk a little bit more about, you know, why the listener said what he did and his perspective on it. But I do think that this is a situation where like you kind of take ownership and you say, Hey, I, you know, I was out of bounds. I didn't, you know, I I didn't intend for it, but I understand why you're upset and I do want to apologize for this situation playing out the way that it did.

SPEAKER_00 26:34

Yeah. Yeah. And I think the key thing about what you're saying is it's also that question at the end of like, how would you like me to handle this? Because I feel like that could also yield a really good discussion about all the things in between, maybe how the listener actually answered the question and, you know, just deflect or don't say anything or don't answer. There could be a lot in the middle there that maybe the brother is open to, you know, and so just having a discussion. Maybe the brother wanted him to redirect the question back to the parents. Maybe the brother wanted just a slightly less detailed answer, you know, like, oh, well, it's a it's a celebration of black freedom. Like, would that have been appropriately honest without maybe overstepping in the way that the brother wanted? But I think there's maybe some room in the middle between the black and white thinking uh from the listener of like, well, I had to do this because it's necessary and it has to happen, versus, or, and if I do nothing, then like that's not fair and that's terrible as well. Like that conversation might help make you aware of some things in the middle that maybe you didn't even think of that, but that would have still worked, that would have still felt like you were giving them the answer that they needed, but just not in a way that undermined the parents you know, approach to these topics.

SPEAKER_01 27:54

Yeah. Yeah, absolutely. I think that this is one of those like classic scenarios where like you can see both sides. And I think that that happens a lot in life. It happens a lot in the therapy room. And it's important to acknowledge that. It's important to like kind of be honest about both people's experiences and have an understanding and work towards having an understanding of each other and communicating that. And so I do hope that this listener kind of takes this and is able to kind of say, like, okay, this is this is a conversation that I can bring to my brother and that we can do some like repair around.

SPEAKER_00 28:28

Yeah. Yeah, for sure. Now, I also I know that the majority of this discussion, I've kind of been on the side of, while I understand where the listener is coming from, I still think the parents hold the right to, you know, set in place a boundary or say that they don't want certain things discussed. Just a little bit of another perspective on that is I also think that parents, like we have to teach our children to exist in a world where where people hold different views and different opinions. And especially in this political climate, like everything is so polarized. Like it is so if you're not on my side, you're the enemy. Like it's this or that, it's us versus them, it's this side versus that side. And it is a, I don't think it's a sustainable way to like continue in society, if I'm just being honest. And so while everything that I said, like I still stand behind, I do think there's an opportunity here for the parents, the brother, to potentially recognize that he's not going to be able to protect his children from viewpoints that differ from his. And how does he want to handle that? When your kids come home, if they're, you know, they're of of age where they're in school, if they come home and maybe they learned about something in school and you know, they're they're talking about the way that the teacher explained it, or maybe a friend said something or they overheard something on TV or YouTube and they come to you like, you know, well, so-and-so said that this is whatever it could be. It could be a whole, it could be religious topics, you know, political views, all those types of things. Parents do have to think about how we're going to handle when our kids are exposed to things that maybe we feel are not age appropriate or they're introduced to it from a different perspective than what aligns with our values. So, you know, all of that being said, I still think the parents can say to their children, like, well, yeah, you know, Uncle so-and-so maybe explained that to you. And that, and that's fine. That may be, you know, his perspective on it, or that may be his values around it. And here's how how we think about it, or here's our family's take on it. I don't think we do our children a service by keeping them from like hearing alternative viewpoints. I understand the age-appropriate element of that, but I think the parents gotta have a plan because kids are gonna be exposed to things and not everything is gonna align with how you might discuss things in your household. And so being able to say, you know, the things that we value or prioritize, not everyone does that. Not everyone believes what we believe. Not everybody believes in the same, you know, God or spiritual views that we have. And like having a healthy respect for the fact that people are different, where your kids can learn from you, like this is our take, but they also know that there's a world outside of them that exists and not everybody agrees on all of these things. I don't know if that's an unpopular opinion, but that's my take.

SPEAKER_01 31:25

Well, I think even if it's unpopular, I think it's a good thing to talk about and to bring up. And like we said earlier, like if if you're unable to acknowledge or hold somebody else's opinion or belief, like it is teaching your kids something. And it might be teaching them that if, you know, having questions or or things like that might not necessarily be a quote unquote safe thing to bring up. And I think being able to have conversations as a family and talk through things and you know, here's here's why we think the way that we do, what are your thoughts on it? Like, like all of that is just healthy, open communication and dialogue. And if, you know, if the brother is listening to this episode, I would say that there is some information in how they responded to their brother to um maybe stepping over those lines and and what does that information tell you? Are you worried about your kids? Are you trying to protect them? Does it bring up a lot of fear for you and in what um your kids might have to experience or what they might be exposed to? And if that's the case, then use that information and help yourself kind of work through your own emotional experience of what might be coming up.

SPEAKER_00 32:29

Yeah, and this is a little bit of an assumption that I'm making. I don't this wasn't stated in the letter, but you know, the children are biracial. It is possible that these conversations are happening amongst the parents and maybe they're still figuring out like how to align their views on what to share, what not to share, how to explain things, how to help the children understand their own identity. Yeah. It's possible that they're not completely aligned on that. I don't know, but just saying that could have been a part of why the reaction was so loaded, is because if you're already trying to kind of like navigate that with a person, with the co-parent, and you're not totally aligned, and then your family member comes in and like kind of makes a decision for you. Yeah, it's possible that the listener got a little bit of the blowback of that, like which really has nothing to do with him. But it's a difficult thing to navigate how to teach a child about their ethnic and racial identity when the parents have different experiences and different backgrounds and maybe different opinions about how and when to approach those topics.

SPEAKER_01 33:36

Yeah. No, I think it's a good thing to uh bring up. And it, you know, especially anybody that is listening to this episode who might not have the exact situation, but they might have other um, you know, things that they can kind of relate to. Um, I think it is an important um part of this to at least touch on.

SPEAKER_00 33:54

It'll be interesting if this listener chooses to have children of his own one day. And I wonder how that might impact, you know, influence his thoughts around this. You know, it's it's funny because like sometimes things change. Sometimes you have an a view on something, and then now you're like, now I see that, you know, kind of differently. But um, I think there's value to all of that. I think families are nuanced. I think communities are nuanced. And so like figuring out how do we like kind of gather we're still one family, but like maybe this brother's kids do certain things that the other ones are not allowed to do. And maybe sometimes they're, you know, exposed to things that, oh, at my cousin's house, I'm allowed to watch BG 13 movies, but at my house, I'm not. And you know, like all of the things that kind of go along with that. So it's very normal, family dynamic type things. But to where we started, I think communication is always like the path forward. So I think we're both saying communication with your brother around this, acknowledging that his feelings were valid, acknowledging your intention, and then make maybe making a plan moving forward that feels um appropriate to him. Yeah, I agree. Fair enough. Okay. If you'd like to hear our thoughts on a topic that matters to you, email your question to infotaskatherapistpod.com. We'd also like to hear your thoughts on today's topic. What resonated, what didn't, and what did we miss? If you have advice for our listener, please share it. You may just hear your feedback on a future episode. Follow us on Instagram and TikTok at ask a therapist underscore pod. Emails and DMs are always welcome. Also, if you'd like to connect with me or Kitty and learn more about the services we offer in our private practices, check the show notes for ways to reach us directly. With that, we're signing off. Thanks for listening, and remember, don't wing it, just ask a therapist.

SPEAKER_01 35:48

That's it for today's episode. We hope it gave you something to reflect on, or maybe even that aha moment.

SPEAKER_00 35:54

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SPEAKER_01 36:01

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SPEAKER_00 36:05

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