What Forgiveness Really Means | Letting Go Without Letting Someone Back In | Brave Moves

What does forgiveness really mean, especially when someone has hurt you deeply?

In this episode of Brave Moves, Julie DeLucca-Collins explores the complexity of forgiveness and why it is often misunderstood. Inspired by a theme in the show Shrinking, this episode breaks down three important truths: forgiveness is not the same as reconciliation, forgiveness is often about freeing yourself, and forgiveness takes time.

This is not an episode about forcing yourself to forgive. It is an honest conversation about letting go, protecting your peace, and understanding that healing does not require reconnecting with the people who hurt you.

If you have ever struggled with what forgiveness means, this episode offers a thoughtful and compassionate perspective.

In This Episode

• Why forgiveness and reconciliation are not the same
• How forgiveness can help you release anger and reclaim peace
• Why healing is personal and cannot be rushed
• The importance of boundaries when processing pain
• A Brave Move to help you think about forgiveness differently

Key Takeaway

Forgiveness does not mean forgetting, excusing, or reopening a relationship. Sometimes forgiveness is simply choosing to release yourself from the weight of what happened.

Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:01

What does it really mean to forgive? Well, a lot of us, I think, hear the word forgiveness and immediately feel tension. You know, we think it means forgetting, we think it means reconnecting, we think it means pretending something didn't hurt. But what if forgiveness is none of those things? You know, I was recently watching the show Shrinking, and I love this show. And it's one of the themes that it explores is forgiveness. And it got me thinking, right? Without going too far into the spoiler territory, one of the characters chooses to forgive someone connected to a devastating loss. And it got me thinking about how complex forgiveness really is. And it's not as neat as a quote that we see on Instagram or not as a forced act of goodness. It is a real, deeply human process. Now, stay with me because I want to share one brave move that can help you think about forgiveness in a healthier, more honest way. You know, today I don't want to talk about how to forgive. Let's be clear on that. I want to talk about a few things we need to understand about forgiveness because we get this wrong a lot. You know, forgiveness is not reconciliation. Those are not the same thing. You can forgive someone and still decide they do not get access to you. You can forgive someone and still choose distance, and you can forgive someone and still say, that relationship is not safe for me. That person does not get to come back in. That chapter is closed, done. Period. The end. And I think that matters because a lot of people stay stuck on forgiveness because they think it requires them to reopen a door that needs to stay shut. It doesn't. Second, forgiveness, and I've learned this, it's really more about you or me. And I mean, that is the healthiest possible way. Forgiveness is not always about setting someone else free. Sometimes it's about setting yourself free. You know, free from replaying it every day, free from carrying the weight of anger in your body, because that is where we're carrying it. And free from letting someone who hurt you continue to take up space in your mind. And that doesn't mean that what happened was okay and that we want to justify it or sweep it under the rug. It means that no longer you are no longer want the pain to keep ruining and running your life. And third, my friend, forgiveness takes time. Real forgiveness is not going to be something that we rush into. It is not something that is performative. It's not something that you owe the world because it makes other people more comfortable. Sometimes forgiveness comes quickly. Sometimes it takes years. It really does depend, right? Where you are. But sometimes the bravest thing you can do is simply be honest and say, I'm not there yet. I'm not ready to forgive. Or I can say that maybe I can consider doing this today. And honesty in the process of forgiveness really matters. It's important because healing cannot happen in a hurry. Now, here's your brave move. Stop confusing forgiveness with access. You can't let go without letting someone back in. You can release the anger without re-entering the relationship. You can choose peace without pretending the wound was small. Now ask yourself: what would it look like to free myself even if I never go back? Because forgiveness is not about always restoring what was. Sometimes it's about finally choosing yourself. Now, you know, forgiveness is complicated. We'll probably talk about this again on the podcast, but it is layered, it is personal, and it is not something anyone else gets to define for you. So whenever you are, wherever you are in this process, make sure that you are patient with yourself. Be kind. You are allowed to take your time, you are allowed to protect your space, and you are allowed to heal honestly. Now, I'm so grateful that you're here, my friend, because we go through this life alone and we think we are broken. And in some ways, we are sort of broken, but we are creating something more beautiful by our brokenness. And if there's someone that you want to forgive or work through in forgiveness, I want to encourage you to first really explore why. Why is forgiveness something that you're exploring? Is it because the world is telling you to do it? Or is it because you feel that it is the right thing to do to help you move on, to release yourself of the chains? Whatever it is for you, I want to encourage you to definitely do this for yourself. Think in it, think of it for yourself. And, you know, again, there's ways to forgive, and we can talk about that. Acknowledge the hurt, decide to forgive, gain perspective, release the emotional burden, and focus on you. However, today I want to encourage you to just dip your toe in the water of exploring what is forgiveness. And if you haven't gone to see shrinking, it's an apple. Go ahead and watch it. It's such a good episode. It's such a good show. I really like it. All right. Until tomorrow, don't forget, go confidently in the direction of your dreams.