Why You're Not Lazy, You're Just Scared: How to Stop Overthinking and Take Action

Julie DeLucca-Collins shares how women over 40 can overcome fear, procrastination, and self-doubt to confidently pursue their dreams. She emphasizes the importance of taking brave action, understanding the neuroscience behind fear, and building supportive communities.

key topics

• Fear and procrastination in women over 40
• The neuroscience of fear and action
• The 3-step Brave Action Framework
• Building confidence through tiny habits
• Creating supportive communities for women entrepreneurs

takeaways

• Readiness is a myth; take brave action regardless.
• The amygdala triggers fear responses, mistaking risks for danger.
• Motivation follows action, not the other way around.
• Start tiny and celebrate small wins to build momentum.
• Permission is an illusion; women must give themselves permission.

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Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:01

On an everyday basis, I tend to see this happening with so many women. And I have to tell you, it's worth talking about it again. So here's the question for you. Are you always waiting and you sit around waiting for the readiness feeling to come upon you to really be able to say, okay, I'm gonna do this. This week I was actually interviewed for a podcast and they asked me, how did I get started? And I remember that I waited. I waited a long time to get started with my business, not so much with the podcast, uh Casa de Confidence, but I waited. And one of the biggest steps that I took with Brave Moves is that I didn't wait. I didn't wait to be on the right frame of mind or the stars to align. And I need you to hear this because readiness, my friend, it really is a lie. And our brain is always telling us, you need this, you need that, you have to um be in that frame of mind. And honestly, that's such a bunch of BS that it keeps us stuck. Now, I'm so glad you're here. This is Brave Moves, the confidence mindset business growth for midlife women entrepreneurs daily-ish podcast. I've been trying something new. What do you think of me saying that? Now, I'm your host and I'm a mindset and business growth coach who helps women like you, smart, capable, go confidently in the direction of your dreams. Now, a quick favor before we dive in. The majority of individuals who are listening to the podcast are not subscribed. And subscribing, if you hit that button, it would help us so much to be able to continue to create a community and build something for those women who are sitting in need of hearing this. So stick with me to the end, also, my friend, because at the end of this episode, I'm gonna give you the exact three-step brave action framework. And I give this to my private clients, I use it myself, and it's a tool rooted in behavioral neuroscience. Of course, you know, I love behavioral neuroscience. So let's get into it. Here's what actually is happening in our brain, right? When we feel that we are not ready, your amygdala, and I know that's a big word, it's the brain's threat detector. They cannot tell the difference between a tiger chasing you or you hitting publish on your first reel. And to your nervous system, both of them seem to be just as dangerous. And a lot of us sh have this fear and conditioning that fires before the rational part of our brain is gonna tell us, no, there's no tiger chasing us. Oh, wait a minute, it's a real. I'm not gonna die or get pregnant if I do that. Hey, by the way, that's a phrase from my friend Corinne Crabtree. And I haven't said that in a long time, but it just came to my brain, and it's so funny, right? We think, oh my God, the consequences of me doing this are so big. And on the flip side of this, right, of our brain saying we're in danger, there is something very exciting that can happen. And Dr. BJ Fogg, the author of Tiny Habits, and you know, I'm a Tiny Habits certified coach, he talks about how motivation is not a prerequisite for action. And I talk about this often and here in the show specifically, because sometimes that's really what we are expecting that we need to have in order to get started with anything is that motivation. Whereas what Dr. Fogg teaches us is that action is the thing that is going to create motivation. You know, the action, the behavior comes first, and then the feelings follow. So if you're sitting around waiting for the motivation fairy to come and dust you, honey, don't do that because it's not going to help you to sit around waiting. You need to just take the first brave move, the first step. Now, I know you probably are familiar with all of the books on habits, and of course, there's James Clear, and you know, so many different things that are out there that tell us how to get started with behavior change. Now, you don't have to do it all, but what I want you to think about is that what is the one thing that you are able to do? A lot of women that I'm working with, they are building six and seven-figure businesses in midlife, mainly because they have gotten over themselves, mainly because they have said, I'm just gonna show up. I'm just gonna do it, I'm just gonna do it imperfectly. And I know that for me, that's been the case with this podcast, with Casa de Confidence, with launching the thought leadership visibility accelerator, the confident you co-op, you name it. And most importantly, even in my personal life, taking care of my mom, becoming a caregiver, taking, uh, opening the door so that she can come in and live with us. It was something that I didn't know how I was gonna do it. I didn't wait for things to kind of fall into place for me to research, for me to do the things. I just said, mom, I need you to come and live here. Why? Because I wanted to make sure that she was safe. I wanted to make sure that she had a loving home, and I wanted to make sure that she was not alone. And it seemed that in Atlanta, she was alone a lot of the times and she was in danger. And in when I say danger, she fell, broke her pelvis in seven places. And now that she has dementia, I didn't even want to have to think what could be happening to her if she was alone. So here's the shift, and here's the thing that I want you to think about, my friend. I want to address that sometimes in midlife, um, for us women specifically, the fear is so real. And many of us have been conditioned to wait for permission. And permission, honey, it's not the thing to wait for. Permission is the thing that the world says that we need to have permission from our spouse, from our bosses, from our parents, from the industry, from social media fans, permission to take the lead. But really, you know, the thing is that we cannot defer to somebody else for our life to be crafted in the way that we dream of or the way that we are called to. Because I think that many of us have a calling. Many of us have gifts and talents that the world needs, and we're sitting on the sidelines, not using them because we're waiting for the world to give us permission. And, you know, there's a research uh by the Journal of Women's Studies that says that women entrepreneurs over 40 are often the ones who have higher self-doubt at launching something rather than, you know, what their younger counterparts do. And not because women over 40 are not capable, but because they've had years of conditioning that we have to overcome. And when you think of launching a business, my friend, or when you're thinking of starting something new, I want you to know that comparison to the younger women out there is not where we need to be. We can all learn from one another and not compete, but I want you to be inspired and know that everything that you've learned already is what you need to have to go in this journey with you. So now I promise you that I would give you a brave action framework. And this is your brave move for today. And it's three steps. And you can do this in under three minutes so that you can start to implement this whole brave moving forward in your life. Number one, if you have a fear, name it. You know, not I'm nervous, but be specific. Like I remember at the beginning of launching my business before I actually launched, I remember thinking my friends on Facebook who have known me since high school are gonna think that I am crazy, that I left a six-figure corporate salary as an executive, and that I am now trying to be an entrepreneur. And how silly is that, right? A lot of times when we say I'm nervous about this, I'm not sure, we're not really giving ourselves the full picture. And when we have the full picture in front of us, guess what? We are better equipped to then be able to, well, unpack that. How silly it was for me to be waiting for my friends from high school I haven't talked to in 40 years. Oh my God, 40 years. That's a long time. Okay. Number two, I want you to also um tiny habits, right? And BJ Fogg says, start tiny because tiny is mighty. So if you're waiting to launch something, the brave move is to not do it all at once, but say, you know what, maybe today I'll reach out to somebody, or maybe today I will take a really clear, actionable step, not something passive, but something that you can actually see that is going to show your brain that you can and you're making it so and celebrate that immediately. And that's your third action before checking results, before getting close feedback on the action that you took. Just say, yay, good for me. I did that. Because when we celebrate it, then our brain starts to create that neuropathway that says, okay, let's repeat this because I like feeling good. Now, if you are ready to stop wanting and start moving and you really want some support in community, I want to invite you to something I am launching. Ooh, so exciting. And it's free. You can join the community, you can join the ConfidentU CEO co-op. And I built this community in school. Now I know you belong to lots of communities, but I am building something that I want a space where women feel safe and seen and supported. And that's what the community is about. And of course, many of my many of my clients are also building communities, and I have taught them already how to build it in platforms like Mighty Networks and in Circle. So now I am testing out school so that, and and I really like this platform so far because it's really fun. And there's a lot of really cool free resources in there. And I would love for you to go check it out. Now, remember, brave doesn't mean fearless. Brave means you move anyway. So I'll see you tomorrow.