Why You’re Playing Small (Self-Suppression, Fear, and How to Break Free)

Are you playing small in your life or business—and calling it being responsible?

In this episode of Brave Moves, Julie DeLucca-Collins dives deep into the real reason women hold themselves back: self-suppression driven by fear, past experiences, and emotional patterns.

Playing small isn’t about lack of confidence; it’s about protection. When past experiences create fear of judgment, rejection, or failure, it’s common to stay stuck in overthinking, avoidance, and inaction.

This episode explores how trauma responses, emotional dysregulation, and fear of being seen can keep you from taking action—even when you know exactly what to do.

If you’ve been feeling stuck, foggy, or frustrated with your lack of progress, this episode will help break the cycle.

In This Episode, You’ll Learn:

•  Why playing small is actually self-suppression 
•  How past experiences influence current decisions 
•  The connection between fear, nervous system responses, and inaction 
•  Why overthinking keeps you stuck 
•  How to move forward even when you feel afraid 
•  The role of courage in personal growth and success 

Your Brave Move:

Take one small, visible action this week that moves you forward—even if it feels uncomfortable.

Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:01

Hey my friend, before we go into today's episode, if this podcast has ever made you feel seen, or challenged, or supported, take a moment to subscribe if you haven't done so. Or leave us a review or share it with another woman who needs to hear this. Because these conversations, they matter. And let's get honest today. Playing small is not being responsible. It's not being careful. It's not being strategic. Playing small is self-suppression. Now, I know that that's gonna feel intense to some of us, or some of you. I mean, I am speaking to myself too, but today I want to go deeper than motivation. I want to talk about why you actually are playing small and how your past is still running the show and what it takes to move forward, even when your brain is fighting you. And I'll give you one brave move that will help you to start breaking that pattern. And here's what I see over and over and over again: women who are capable, smart, driven, and yet they're holding themselves back, and not because they don't know what to do, but because somewhere along the way, life hurt them. Maybe you were overlooked, dismissed, or criticized. Perhaps you found that you were betrayed, or you have been told that you were too much. So what did you do? You adapted. You know, this has been something that I struggle for so many years. And even now, I think that when I hold myself back, I have to go back and ask myself, am I adapting because of what people have said or what I think people are going to think? Um, and a lot of times it's justifiable in our brains, and we say, I'll go all in and I'm gonna get hurt again if I do so. But here's the cost of not going all in. You're not just protecting yourself, you're also limiting yourself. And this is something that we don't consider because playing small often looks like overthinking everything, saying it's not the right time, or saying that I'll still figure it out. And you turn down opportunities, you stay quiet when something matters. And I have to tell you, you matter, your opinions, your everything, knowledge, wisdom, your experiences have made you who you are, and the world needs to hear them or needs to experience them. I met with a woman today, and she is working full-time and she's dabbling in entrepreneurship. And I said to her, So when are you doing this thing that she wants to do? And she said, Well, I'm trying to dip my toe in the water, and and I don't want to ruffle feathers, and I don't want people to think that I'm crazy. And and I realized that she was using all of these things. I'm still figuring it out, it's not the right time. Mainly because as a child and she went through a lot of difficulties, she was always told, you know, you can't do that, or who do you think you are to be doing that, or get in your place. And I am here to tell you that we have convinced ourselves is logical to say, I'm still figuring it out, but it's not logic, right? It's not logic, it's fear, and even deeper than that, that is dysregulation of your nervous system when you are shying away from an opportunity because you're like, well, what if they think whatever, right? You're dysregulated, and because something that maybe was being said or or a circumstance that you're in has triggered you, and you don't want to feel overlooked again. And maybe things that happen to you in the real world now, as you're trying to go big, you play small because it's playing in old wounds and your nervous system is reacting. You might be shutting down, you get this brain fog, or feel overwhelmed, and sometimes impulsively decide to do things that maybe are not the right thing, and then you regret it, or perhaps you're going all quiet. And then what happens when all this happens? You judge yourself, you tell yourself, why am I like this? I should be further along, or I should know better. But here's what I want you to hear: you're not broken, you're reacting from past that still has power over you. And as long as the past has power, your present stays stuck because you're not making decisions from who you are becoming, you're making decisions from what you've been through. And that's why you feel stuck. That's why you feel foggy, and that's why you don't take action, even when you know exactly what to do. Now, here's the truth, and let me say this very clearly: no one does big things without fear. No one. Courage is not the absence of fear, it's making a choice while fear is still present. And if you want to build something meaningful, a life, a business, a legacy, you cannot wait to feel ready, hon. Because ready is not coming. Here's what I want you to reframe: playing small is not noble, it's self-betrayal. Every time you hide, every time you say later, every time you shrink yourself to stay safe, you're choosing fear without fulfillment. And that doesn't make you weak, but it does mean something has to change.

unknown 6:00

Okay.

SPEAKER_00 6:01

So here's your brave move. Take one small visible action this week. Not perfect, not big, but visible. Be front and center. Do something that moves you forward, send the message, share a post, say the thing, and apply for the opportunity for crying out loud. Because action does something powerful. It's going to interrupt the pattern. And the more that you interrupt the pattern, the less control the past has over you. My friend, you don't need to be afraid. You need to stop letting fear lead. You know, fear is not going to go away. So you don't have to stop being afraid. Just don't let fear be the leader of your life. Because the life you want, the impact you want, the legacy you want to leave, it requires you to be seen. And yes, that's uncomfortable and it's messy and it will stretch you. But staying small, that's costing you more. So if this hits something for you, if you're realizing you're trying to do this alone, come join the free confident you community. The co-op is here to be able to be that sounding board, that cheerleader, that encouragement. And you can find the information in the show notes. Now, of course, if you want additional free resources, you can always go to goconfidentlycoaching.com. That's where you'll find my best stuff. And you can learn a little bit more about what I do and how I might be able to help you. But remember, this is where we start doing the brave moves together, no matter how you move forward. You are not here to play small. You are not here to be at somebody else's whim. You are here to become, and that starts with one brave move at a time. I'm so glad that you're here. And don't forget, go confidently in the direction of your dreams.