Why You Keep Self-Sabotaging (Even When You Know What To Do)

Why do you keep self-sabotaging—even when you know exactly what to do?

In this episode of Brave Moves, Julie DeLucca-Collins breaks down the real reason behind self-sabotage and why it has nothing to do with laziness, lack of discipline, or motivation.

If you’ve ever found yourself procrastinating, overthinking, or pulling back right when things start to work—this episode will help you understand what’s actually happening in your brain and how to break the cycle.

Self-sabotage is often a form of protection rooted in past experiences, fear of visibility, and a nervous system that is trying to keep you safe. 

This episode will help you recognize those patterns and take small, powerful steps forward—even when it feels uncomfortable.

In This Episode:

•  Why self-sabotage happens (and why it’s not a discipline problem) 
•  How fear of judgment and rejection keeps you stuck 
•  The hidden fear of success and visibility 
•  Why your brain prefers familiar discomfort over growth 
•  How to interrupt self-sabotage in real time 
•  The connection between confidence, action, and nervous system safety 

Your Brave Move

Ask yourself:
 “Am I protecting myself… or holding myself back?”

Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:02

You know what to do. You've read the books, you've taken the courses, you've listened to the podcast, maybe even this one. And you've had moments you felt very clear and confident and ready. And then you stop, you stall, you disappear. So let me ask you something honestly. Why do we sabotage ourselves even when we know better? Now, before we go deeper, if this episode speaks to you, take a second to subscribe, leave a review, and share it with another woman who is tired of starting over because this conversation is the one that changes everything. Now, stay with me till the end because I'm going to give you one brave move that will help you interrupt self-sabotage in real time, not someday, not theoretically, but the next time it shows up. So let's get something clear right away. Self-sabotage is not a discipline problem. It's not because we're lazy. It's not because you or me are lacking motivation. Self-sabotage is protection. You know, your brain is trying to keep you safe. Every time you go to post something vulnerable, raise up your prices, speak up, go after something bigger. Your brain scans for risk and it asks: will this lead to rejection? Will this lead to embarrassment? Will this lead to pain? And even if the answer is maybe, it pulls the emergency brake. It looks like procrastination, overthinking, I'll do it later. Suddenly you're going to be too busy to do the thing. Not because you don't want it, but because part of you is afraid of what comes with it. Your past is still running the show, my friend. And let's go a layer deeper. Most of the time, self-sabotage is rooted in old experiences, moments where you were judged, rejected, you were told to be quiet, you were told to feel that you were too much. So now you play small to avoid relieving and living that feeling, right? You say things like, it's not the right time. I'm still figuring out. I just need more clarity. But what you're really doing and saying is I don't feel safe being seen. Here's the one thing that people don't talk about enough. And sometimes it's not failure that we're afraid of. We are afraid of success because success means more visibility, responsibility, more expectations, more eyes on you. And your brain goes, Wait, this is a lot. Are we ready for this? So instead of rising, you and I tend to shrink. You're addicted to the familiar. You know, I love that comfort zone. And sometimes that comfort zone feels like this is where I want to live because I don't get hurt. I don't get judged. I don't do the thing that I'm not good at. But again, when we do that, we stay in this cycle, like overthinking, delaying, restarting because it feels known. Now, self-sabotage, by the way, is not that you're failing. It's you protecting the version of yourself that once needed protection. But the hard truth is that that version of you is not who you are anymore. That's that land. You are protecting someone that you no longer are. And what actually creates change for anyone is awareness. I know I talk about this, but awareness is step one. And it doesn't have to be awareness that's going to change everything, but it is beginning to open the door to change. You know, you're interrupting the pattern in real time when you become aware. And you are doing it not when it's convenient, not when you feel ready, but when you feel that it's most uncomfortable. Here's your brave move, my friend. The next time you feel yourself pulling back, pause and ask yourself the question: Am I protecting myself or am I holding myself back? And then choose one small action anyway. It's so easy to say, you know what? I think I don't want to be judged. Hmm. So then you ask yourself, wait a minute, am I protecting myself for being judged? Or am I holding myself back? Because if you have a message, if you have something that you're doing to create an impact or to follow your dreams, screw the judgment and say, Yeah, I feel like I hate being judged and I don't want to be judged, but I'm gonna do it anyway. Or I'm gonna, you know what? Maybe be okay with showing up this little bit at a time. And okay, I'm gonna put myself out there and be okay with whatever comes after it. Because every time you are putting yourself out there, every time you take a little bit of a step forward, not perfect action, not the big leap, but a step forward. You are teaching your brain a new story. I am safe to grow. I am safe to be seen. I can handle this. And my friend, you don't need more information, you don't need another plan. You don't need to have it all figured out. You need to stop negotiating with the part of you that wants to stay small. Because if the life you want means staying small, you're not going to know the wonderful gift that it is to be on the other side of staying small. So here it is. Listen, if you're tired of doing this alone, if you started and stopped many times and you know what to do, but you're not just going through with it. Come join us in the confident you community. And this is a very safe community where we practice showing up, taking action, staying in it, and building confidence together because growth doesn't happen in isolation, it happens in community. And remember, you're not broken, you're not behind, you're just being asked to grow. And that takes one brave move at a time. Until tomorrow, my friend, I love you so much. And don't forget, go confidently in the direction of your dreams.