Are You Present or Just Chasing Pleasant?

Are you spending your life trying to control everything—or learning to be present for what matters most?

In this episode of Brave Moves, Julie DeLucca-Collins explores the difference between being present and constantly chasing comfort, certainty, and control. Julie discusses mindfulness, stress, emotional resilience, and the powerful question that can help you focus your energy on what you can actually influence.

If you've been feeling overwhelmed, anxious, distracted, or exhausted from trying to manage everything, this episode offers a simple mindset shift that can bring more peace, clarity, and presence into your daily life.

In This Episode:

•  The difference between being present and being comfortable 
•  What you can and cannot control 
•  Why chasing certainty creates stress 
•  The power of mindfulness and awareness 
•  How to focus your energy where it matters most 
•  A simple practice for reducing overwhelm 

Key Takeaway

You cannot control everything that happens.

👉 But you can control how you show up to what happens.

Transcript

0:01

Let me ask you a question: Are you present or are you pleasant? Now, I know that sounds like a strange question, but stay with me, because I think a lot of us spend a lot of time in our lives chasing what is pleasant: comfort, convenience, predictability, approval, control. And this is the process. We miss what's actually happening right in front of us. Now, I don't know about you, but there have been seasons in my life when I spend an enormous amount of energy trying to control things that I couldn't control. I try to control other people, their opinions, choices, maybe their reactions. Sometimes I try to control the economy, although, you know, I am not an economist last time I checked, or perhaps the timing or the outcome. And honestly, sometimes that is exhausting, and it has been out of my control because control is an illusion. Now, there is an old idea that says we should focus on the things within our circle of control, and that circle is much smaller than most of us think. We can often control our effort, our attitude, the way that we prepare or respond to things. We can control our choices. We can control the habits we create or the boundaries we set. And of course, we cannot control what people think, what they say, what everyone else is thinking about you or liking you or not, and whatever the outcome or every setback or surprise that may come your way. And yet, many of us spend more energy on the second list than the first. I think one reason we're exhausted is because we're constantly trying to make life pleasant. We want to not have discomfort and uncertainty. We don't wanna be criticized or rejected, and of course, we don't wanna make mistakes, but that's not life. My friend, life is messy. Life is unpredictable, and life includes a lot of setbacks. I think that for me in the last couple weeks, I've had some setbacks, and I couldn't control me being sick. I have an autoimmune, and a lot of times I can't control what happens to my body, even though I am trying really hard. The more that we resist the reality of things that we cannot control, the more we're going to become frustrated, my friends. Presence doesn't mean everything is perfect. It means you're fully here. You're drinking your coffee instead of rushing through it. You're listening instead of waiting to respond. You're watching the sunset instead of scrolling through your phone, and you're having a conversation instead of rehearsing tomorrow's worries. Presence is going to be asking you, "What is happening right now?" Not, "What might happen in the next six months from now?" I often have spent time planning and plotting, and listen, I do wanna become that future self. I'm not saying that's not a thing. But at times, we run into the problem of focusing so much on what that's gonna look like and what I'm gonna do next or what is coming up, that we forget to really be able to notice the little things, the little things that matter sometimes the most. Yesterday, I was sitting outside and I started to kinda think out my next week, especially 'cause I'd been sick and what I needed to catch up on, and as I started to do that... I realized that I was missing the moment. I was missing the moment of the soft breeze and watching my dogs be silly beneath me, and of course, the birds, the birds that were circling around the roses that I have outside. My friend, sometimes the question that will change everything is whenever I am feeling overwhelmed, anxious, or stuck, I come back to this. What can I control right now? Not tomorrow, not next month, not after everything works out, but right now. And almost every time, the answer is gonna bring me back to myself, my next step, my next choice, my next action. And for me, yesterday, it wasn't about trying to plot, the, my taking over the universe and coming back with a bang. It was about sitting in the moment and healing, sitting in the moment and being grateful that I could take a deep breath without breaking into coughs. You know, the truth is peace isn't found when life becomes perfectly pleasant. Peace is found when you become fully present. So here's your next brave move for this coming weekend or the next few days. The next time you feel overwhelmed, pause and make two lists. The one side, things I can control. The other side, things I cannot control. And then commit to spending your energy only on the first list, because your attention is too valuable to waste on things that are outside of your influence. My friend, life isn't asking you to control everything. Life is asking you to show up, to be present, to notice and participate, and to appreciate. And maybe the secret isn't creating a life that's always pleasant. Maybe the secret is becoming fully present in the life you already have, and that is your brave move. I'm so glad that you're here, and come back tomorrow. I promise I will have another episode for you