Stop Chasing Love and Start Removing the Barriers to It

Are you searching for love, or unknowingly blocking it?

In this episode of Brave Moves, Julie DeLucca-Collins explores the powerful idea that love, connection, and belonging may not be missing from our lives. Instead, the barriers we've built to protect ourselves from pain may be preventing us from fully receiving them.

Inspired by a quote often attributed to Rumi, Julie discusses vulnerability, emotional walls, self-worth, relationships, and the courage required to open ourselves to deeper connection.

In This Episode:

•  Why emotional walls develop 
•  How self-protection can become self-sabotage 
•  The connection between vulnerability and belonging 
•  Barriers that block love and connection 
•  Self-worth and receiving support 
•  How to begin opening yourself to deeper relationships 

Key Takeaway

The goal isn't to find more love.

The goal is to remove the barriers preventing you from receiving the love already available to you.

Transcript

0:02

What if the reason you're struggling to experience more love in your life isn't because there's a shortage of love? And what if it's because the walls you've built around your heart are so big and deep and impenetrable? I recently came across a quote that stopped me in my tracks and it says, "Don't seek love. Seek to remove the barriers you have built against it." And honestly, I think that applied to so much more than relationships, because I don't think most of us struggle because love is absent. I think we struggle because we're afraid. And before we dive in, if you're enjoying Brave Moves daily-ish podcast, thank you for being here, my friend. I so appreciate you. You are the reason that I love doing this show. And make sure that you leave a review if you haven't already done so. The last review that we got was three months ago, so help a girl out. Give me a review. Come on. And don't forget that if you stay with me till the end, I will talk to you about the surprising ways we protect ourselves from pain and how those same protections may be keeping us from connection, joy, and belonging. So let's get into it. Let's start with this. Most of the barriers we build aren't because we're broken. They're because we've been hurt. Maybe someone betrayed our trust or abandoned us at one point in our lives, or perhaps simply criticized or rejected us, or someone made you feel like you weren't enough, and your brain did exactly what it was designed to do. I know, I say this all the time, but it's true. Your brain protected you. It said, "Never let that happen again," so we build a wall. Now, here's the problem with walls. They just don't keep pain out. They also are good at keeping good things out too, because they're keeping things out, period. So the good and the bad stay out. And those same walls that protects you from rejection can also block you from intimacy, and the same walls that are protecting you from being disappointed or hurt are also blocking opportunity. And for many of us, we feel that we don't wanna be hurt, but we also are not being fully seen because we're protecting ourselves, and over time, that safety is not necessarily protection or safety. It is just being isolated You know, we say we want love all the time. You see it. This is why rom-coms and the Hallmark Channel makes money because love is something that we all desire. But when we say we want love, then we are also saying at times through our actions that we are going to avoid vulnerability, difficult conversations. We don't wanna ask for help or forget about trusting people. Of course, being seen, no way, no how. We don't wanna be seen. And we want connection, but we fear the risk that comes with connection. And honestly, that is human. But love is bigger than romance. I want you to know that. One thing I want to emphasize is that this isn't just about romantic love. It's about the friendships, the community, belonging, family, purpose, self-love, because some of the most strongest barriers people carry aren't against other people. They're against themselves. Many people are spending years believing that they're too much, not enough, and that they don't deserve good things in their lives. And if people really knew them, they wouldn't stay, and these stories become their barriers. So what are your barriers? Maybe your barrier is perfectionism or control. Maybe like me, your barrier is being independent or people-pleasing. Maybe it's fear. Maybe your barriers are the old wounds that you've never really healed from. And the question isn't, how do I get more love? The question is, what am I doing that's preventing me from receiving it? See, here's one thing. When I first met Dan we were very young. We were in our twenties. And of course, we went our separate ways. We married different people. And as I went through my divorce, I wasn't sure if I wanted to get into a new relationship, and I wasn't sure that I would ever remarry, certainly, because that meant that I needed to let someone see me, all of me, warts and all. And I thought, "No way. No way will someone just acknowledge, accept me, embrace me, and do all of the things." But I realized that when I was letting myself be isolated, I was also not only lonely, but not giving to others what they desperately also needed. And lucky for me, Dan went through a divorce, and he chose not to isolate himself. He was open to being loved and embraced and taking a chance. So because he was open to doing so, it reminded me that I too could do the same. Now, here's the thing. For many of us- I think the hardest barrier is the belief that we must earn love, that we must achieve more and do more and prove more and perform more before we are worthy of the connection, before we are worthy of the love and acceptance and encouragement from others. But love doesn't work that way, my friend. Real love isn't earned through perfection. It's experienced through authenticity. And the truth is that the greatest barrier to love is often not other people. It's the armor we've built around avoidance of being hurt. So here's your brave move for today. Ask yourself, "What wall am I still carrying in my life? What protection no longer serves me? And what belief is keeping me disconnected?" And then ask yourself, "What would one small act of openness look like this week?" Not a giant leap, of course, just a crack in the wall, because light gets in through the cracks, and so does love. So my friend, most of us spend our lives searching for more love, more connection and belonging, and of course, being understood. But maybe the answer isn't out there somewhere. Maybe it's much closer. Maybe the work isn't finding love. Maybe the work is removing the barriers that prevent us from receiving it. And that is your brave move. Until tomorrow.