How Physical Health Impacts Relationships | Stress, Burnout & Connection

Healthy relationships don't start with better communication.

They often start with better sleep, lower stress, more energy, and taking better care of yourself.

In Part 2 of this special conversation on The Runner's Sole Podcast, podiatrist and runner Sharon Miller is joined once again by relationship architect, life coach, speaker, and author Benjamin Tagoe to explore the powerful connection between physical health and relationship health.

Many people think relationship challenges are purely emotional, but our physical wellbeing often plays a much bigger role than we realise. Stress, fatigue, burnout, chronic pain, and poor recovery can affect how we communicate, connect, and show up for the people we care about most.

From shared healthy habits and self-care to managing stress and building stronger connections, this episode offers practical insights for improving both your wellbeing and your relationships.

If you've been feeling disconnected, exhausted, overwhelmed, or struggling to be fully present for the people around you, this episode is for you.

🎧 IN THIS EPISODE YOU'LL LEARN:
✔ How physical health influences relationship quality
✔ Why stress and fatigue affect communication and connection
✔ How burnout impacts emotional availability
✔ Why healthy relationships require healthy individuals
✔ The power of shared healthy habits and activities
✔ How movement can strengthen connection and quality time
✔ Why self-care is one of the best gifts you can give others
✔ Practical ways to improve both your wellbeing and your relationships
✔ How to recognise when your body is affecting your ability to connect

❤️ KEY TAKEAWAY

Strong relationships don't exist in isolation.

The way we sleep, recover, manage stress, move our bodies, and care for ourselves directly affects how we show up as partners, parents, friends, colleagues, and leaders.

When we take better care of ourselves physically and emotionally, we're often better equipped to build healthier, stronger, and more meaningful relationships with others.

🔗 LINKS

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🏃 ABOUT THE PODCAST

The Runner's Sole Podcast is where running meets science, stride by stride.

Hosted by podiatrist and runner Sharon Miller, this podcast helps runners prevent injuries, improve performance, and better understand foot health through practical, evidence-based advice while exploring the wider connections between physical wellbeing, mental resilience, and healthy living.

Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:00

Welcome to The Runner Soul. This is the podcast where running meet science stride by stride. And who am I? I am Sharon Miller, a resident podiatrist of 20 years and runner and unapologetic but nerd. Good morning, everybody, and welcome to The Runner Soul. And today we are on our second session with the handsome Ben. We're going to be talking all about relationships and how they impact our lives in ways that we don't, you know, always it's not always obvious. So we've got Ben again here today. And last time we explored the connection between physical health and mental resilience. So today we're taking that conversation to the next level, and we're going to be looking at how our physical health influences our relationships with our partners, our family, our friends, ourselves, and what we don't always realize also in the workplace. Because quite often you may be thinking you're having problems at work, but actually the problem is within your emotions. So once you handle your emotions and you get your physical health good, then your mental health and you've been able to just cope with everything is just so much better. So welcome, Ben.

SPEAKER_01 1:33

Thank you very much for having me one more time. It's a pleasure.

SPEAKER_00 1:37

It's a pleasure. Our listeners loved our um podcast last time, so they're in for it an even bigger treat today.

SPEAKER_01 1:45

Wonderful. I'm happy, I'm happy they they they did love them. And my my viewers also uh really appreciated the conversation, and I'm glad to be here one more time.

SPEAKER_00 1:54

That is good. Yeah, so we're going to be talking about how things affect our relationships. And in particular, we're going to talk about the stress, how that impacts relationships and fatigue and poor health as well, tiredness, because you know, if you're tired, you're not really emotionally available. You may think you're there, you're present, but you're not really concentrating or focused on the person or your family that are actually there present, but your mind is elsewhere thinking about other things. And also the physical well-being, how that affects how we show up for others. And so it's all very, very important to look after our physical health because it impacts on so much of our lives without us realizing it.

SPEAKER_01 2:50

Yeah, indeed. Our physical health definitely has an impact on our general well-being. Our our it's it has an effect on our mental health, our emotional health, our psychological health, and even it extends to how we deliver our success rate and everything. Because once you are physically incapacitated, you may not be able to function to the best of your abilities. And when we extend it to relationships, obviously physical health does impact relationships because once your mental health is affected and your psychological health is affected, it also impacts your delivery, your communication, your emotions, your body mind, your body language and everything. And that can, by extension, affect the people around you. So many a times we we may not even notice what we are emitting when we are stressed, but the people around us do get affected. And this is one of the reasons why we also need to focus on our physical health.

SPEAKER_00 3:57

Absolutely. And we'll just recap again, Ben, on who you are for those listeners who missed out on our last session. They they can access it again in YouTube. But just for any of our new listeners, um, just introduce yourself, you relationship architect, life coach, speaker, author. Oh, you are so talented. You're not just a pretty face, Ben.

SPEAKER_01 4:26

Thank you very much. Thanks for the compliment. I am Benjamin Amartitego, the Apostle of Change, and I want to believe that the title Apostle of Change says it all.

SPEAKER_00 4:36

Absolutely. Even you make me want to follow you. I've been looking up your books and stuff, and um, and I've ordered one on Amazon. So um, yes, I'm becoming a big fan.

SPEAKER_01 4:48

Yeah, thank you very much. My my mission and my passion is to impact change, and that is that is why I am the apostle of change. And so my my books, my programs, my talking, my speaking engagement, it's all towards inspiring change. And so my books impact on the foundations, the roots of our our being, basically, and that is our belief system. I inspire mindset shift. For example, if you if you take my book, The Hundred Myths of Love and Relationships, it is meant to unearth the belief systems, the negative belief systems that we are holding on to, so that we can transcend into positive belief systems so we can have beautiful relationships. Because as long as you hold on to negative belief systems and negative mindset, you may not be able to have a beautiful relationship because your belief system determines your expectations. And once your expectations are in the wrong places, you cannot appreciate what you receive from your loved ones.

SPEAKER_00 6:01

Yes, and I also think as well, like sometimes we may think it's the partner's fault, he's not doing X, Y, and Z, but it's maybe begins with you because if you're not feeling good about yourself, you'll look for all the negativity instead of looking for the positivity. Whereas when you're in a good place and you're feeling positive, then you'll be like, oh look, my partner has cleaned the car for me. Oh, he's done the hoovering, oh, he's made this lovely salad. But you won't notice those things when you're in a negative mind, but you will if you're in a positive mind.

SPEAKER_01 6:36

Definitely, as the saying goes, it takes two to tango. A relationship is not a monologue, it's a dialogue. Yes, it's a give and take. And whatever we give in the relationship or receive in the relationship is highly influenced by our mindset. Because once again, let me give the analogy of six and nine. If my angle of view is six and your angle of view is nine, no matter what we do, all I can see is six. And so everything I say and do will be around six. And with with with you, everything you say and do will be around nine until we have a mindset shift. Once we have a mindset shift, and then we change our locations to change our view, then our viewpoint is going to change. And so anything you give and receive from the relationship is highly influenced by your mindset, which is to say that for you to receive and give properly, you need many a times to have a mindset shift. That is also highly influenced by your physical and emotional well-being. This is one of the reasons why it is also important to focus on your physical well-being, exercising, walking, running, so it can have a positive impact on your mental well-being to shape your viewpoint, to shape your perspective, to shape your understanding. Because if your understanding is in the wrong place, no matter what your partner does, you will not appreciate it. You will not see it.

SPEAKER_00 8:21

You won't see it.

SPEAKER_01 8:21

You will not know it.

SPEAKER_00 8:23

Absolutely, 100%. Definitely. Because I guess you know, when you're feeling good, you see things so so much differently, don't you? And when you feel good, you become a nicer person because you're not irritable, you're not grumpy, you know, you're positive, and you can see outside of yourself. I think a lot of people have this problem where me, me, me, me, me, I feel, I feel, I feel anti hard, I'm me, me, me. And they don't always see the effect they're having on other people.

SPEAKER_01 8:57

Yeah. There's also another saying that that goes by when you feel good, you do good.

SPEAKER_00 9:03

Yes.

SPEAKER_01 9:04

And so it's important to also focus on how you feel. Many a times when we talk about self-care, people think selfishness. But self-care is not selfishness. Just like we also say you cannot pour from an empty cup. You need to make sure that the cup is always refilled so you can pour it out. It means that anytime you pour out of the cup, you need to make sure that you are refilling. How do you refill your cup? You refill your cup by rejuvenating yourself with various exercises: physical, psychological, mental. Physical, as we keep saying, includes walking, running, going to the gym. Mental includes sometimes giving yourself a mental break, reading, listening to music, having a good rest, sleeping, because sleeping is not necessarily rest. You can sleep for 24 hours and you will still not feel rested if the mind is still agitated. So relaxing the brain, relaxing the mind by listening to whatever you want to listen to, some calm music, some country music, some whatever your music that helps you to relax. And then also improving your mental health by reading, by watching something that informs you. All these things help for you to self-care, taking a vacation, taking a break, to have coffee, to take a walk, to go to the mall, all these things helps you to refill your cup. Because if you keep pouring and pouring and pouring, one day you're gonna have a breakdown.

SPEAKER_00 10:46

Yes, and you'll just be empty. And if you have nothing to give yourself, what have you got to give to other people?

SPEAKER_01 10:52

Exactly. And this is one of the reasons, like we're saying, physical health. When you are mentally fatigued, it affects your physical health, it affects your communication abilities, it affects your body language, it affects your emotional delivery. So you now realize that you create an unhealthy environment where now everyone around you becomes unhealthy because of your delivery, because of your output. And as it is also said, garbage in, garbage out. What you feed yourself determines what you feed out or what you produce out. So it is very important that you feed yourself healthy lifestyles so that you can also pour out healthy lifestyles. If you don't do that, you definitely create a negative atmosphere. And when you create a negative atmosphere, your children, your spouse, your friends, your colleagues are all gonna feel it. And many of the time people reciprocate what they receive.

SPEAKER_00 11:55

Yes, it's like history repeats itself, doesn't it? You know, if you don't teach children the right habits, then they will go on and they will then have children and give them the same bad habits. So you're not just doing it for yourself, you're doing it for your kids, your family, future generations, because you know, what we're teaching our children that will go on and on and on and on long after we've left this world.

SPEAKER_01 12:21

That is that is very true. And we need to we need to also understand that when it comes to parenting, children are not only taking what we tell them, they are also adapting and adopting what we do and not do. I think it's something that a lot of us miss. It's not only what we do, but also what we don't do. Our children are picking all these things, and that has a way of shaping their belief systems, their core beliefs. And remember, our core beliefs determine our actions, our behaviors, our tastes, our reactions. And so within the home setting, every single thing that we do or not do is important. And this is one of the major reasons why we need to focus on filling our cup.

SPEAKER_00 13:13

Absolutely, absolutely. And I guess families who spend more time together, they're gonna have better relationships, better communication. You know, it's gonna be easy to discipline your children if you're spending time with them and you can, you know, explain to them, no, I don't want you to do that because, and it just opens up all these like wonderful conversations that families need to have.

SPEAKER_01 13:35

Yeah, I qualify it by saying spending quality time because families can spend time together and they are sitting on the couch, one is watching TV, one is on the laptop, one is on the phone, one is doing their own thing, one is wearing their headphones, listening to music. So they are spending time together, but they are not really spending quality time together with themselves. So I encourage families to spend quality time, and by spending quality time, it means be present, not just your presence, but be present in the presence, which is to say that when you are with your children, let them feel your presence, let them know that you are with them, not you are there and not present.

SPEAKER_00 14:23

So they're getting your sorry, I was gonna say, then they're getting your mind and your body, whereas lots of time kids are just getting your body, you're just there, but you know, parents are on the phones. And I see kids when I'm out shopping and stuff, and they'll say, Mommy, mommy, look at this, look at yeah, yeah, in a minute, uh, you know, you're not really taken in your environment, you're just in your own little world.

SPEAKER_01 14:48

100%, 100%. It's a serious problem in today's world because a lot of parents are not present in the life of their kids. This is something that we are advocating a lot. Just yesterday I was talking about it on my on my live, where we were addressing this issue of parents not being present in the life of their kids. And this is one of the influences of the current generation, the Gen Z. So anytime we are complaining about the Gen Zs, we should ask ourselves, what did we do? Because we raised the Gen Zs. And if we raise the Gen Zs, how did we raise them? A lot of us raise them with us not being present in their lives. So we were not there to really correct, inspire, and influence positively.

SPEAKER_00 15:39

Absolutely, absolutely. And and let's talk then about like stress at work, because that's a big thing for people, isn't it? No, it can really impact everything. You know, you go to work, it's stressful, you're anxious, you're not doing your best, the boss is telling you off. Then you go home, you take that stress with you. That's all you could talk about when you're home with your with with your spouse is oh, my boss had this, this is this, you know, and you just you're just not coping with it. And then you leave the job, you go and get another job, and it's the same thing, and it's the same cycle. And then you start thinking, why, why do I always get a bad boss? Why do I always get a bad place to work?

SPEAKER_01 16:22

Yeah. One of the things we must learn to do is separate home from work, which is something that is not easy, but we need to practice to do. And let me tell this story. Many years ago, a story was told of a hunter who had two pouches. There was there was a trunk, a tree trunk right in front of the house. So, what he does is when he's going hunting, the two pouches, when he's going to hunting, there is one pouch that he enters the home with. There's another pouch that the second pouch never enters the home.

SPEAKER_00 17:02

I love that.

SPEAKER_01 17:02

So, what he does is when he's going hunting, he he brings the first pouch from the house, hangs it on the trunk, then removes the pouch B and then goes for hunting. When he gets back from hunting, he hangs the hunting pouch on the trunk and then removes the home pouch and goes into the home. So people who have observed asked him, Why do you do that? Because you are going home. Why do you remove another pouch to go home? Like what is in what is in the pouch? And then he explained that he never takes his problems from home hunting. Because if he goes hunting with home problems, he may not gain, he may not find any game, and he may find himself in problem because he may not be able to concentrate on getting the right prey. And he does not also bring his hunting problems home because what he sees in the forest is for the forest. He makes sure that when he's home, he is home, he is present at home. When he's hunting, he is hunting, he is present with hunting. And I think it's something that a lot of us must cultivate.

SPEAKER_00 18:22

Oh, yes. I mean, there's a lot of wisdom, there's also a lot of wisdom there, isn't there? You know, we're not very good at compartmentalizing our life, you know, everything just merges into one, you know, work, relationships, in-laws, money, house, kids, you know, everything it just merges into one. And then that's how people become overwhelmed.

SPEAKER_01 18:42

Exactly. So I would encourage people, like I said, it's not easy, it will take a lot of practice. But I also believe that it is one of the reasons why countries around the world are passing laws of disconnect where they say that once you finish your whatever hour shift, you have the right not to take your boss's calls. You have the right to disconnect from work. So it means that when you go home, be home. Your boss cannot talk to you when you are home. You have the right not to take their call and they cannot photo you for that. Because I believe that countries around the world are beginning to feel the impact that taking work is taking work home is having on the family. We need to learn to disconnect. We need to learn. We are not saying that once a while you shouldn't talk about your work at home, but it shouldn't be a habit where you carry work home and you carry home to work. Because by so doing, you cannot function. And sometimes people become sentimental when a boss says to them, This is not your home, this is not your family.

SPEAKER_00 19:50

Yes, that's right.

SPEAKER_01 19:51

Yeah, so that the one thing that I would encourage us to do is to be present first in our own lives, and then second, to our loved ones. Being present for yourself, meaning have self-care. Take time for yourself, take time to breathe, take periodic breaths. And when you are having that self-indulgence, make sure that you avoid all distractions so that you can refill and then you can bounce back to give. Secondly, being present in the life of your loved ones. When you are with your kids, remember what you do and what you don't do are both impacting your children. It's it's establishing, it's programming them, if I for lack of better words, it's establishing their core beliefs. So when you are at the movies with them, don't be on your phone whilst at the movies with them. It tells them that they are not important, it tells them that whatever you're doing on the phone is more important than them. When you are playing with them, put your laptop away, put your gadgets away. That 30 minutes, that 45 minutes, that one hour, let them know that they are important, so important that you're giving them that 45 minutes uninterrupted. And with that doing, they will also respect when you're busy doing work because they know they have their time. The same thing applies to your partners, your spouses. One of the things that is destroying relationships in today's world is lack of presence. Because once your partner feels unrecognized, they start withdrawing. And that also affects intimacy, it affects romance, it affects almost everything we do. So gradually, you'll notice a withdrawal from your partner, and you'll feel you are doing everything you have to do. So why is your partner withdrawing? It's because your partner is not feeling your presence. And lack of presence affects communication. And I think also connections.

SPEAKER_00 21:57

I think as adults, we are a bit like children. If we're not getting the, you know, if we're not getting our needs met, if we're not getting the attention that we need from that relationship, we will kind of play up. So say, I'm not doing this, I'm not doing that, or you know, I'm not gonna buy her a birthday card, I'm gonna let her know that I'm not happy, you know. So it's all those little things, you know, that you stop doing that then creates the big, big void in the relationship.

SPEAKER_01 22:24

100%. Because it is the is it is the small or it is the little consistent things that build healthy relationships, not the out-of-the-blue magics. The out-of-the-blue magics are important, they help to rekindle the affection, rekindle the emotions, rekindle the love, rekindle the connection. However, what really builds the relationship are the little consistent things. And so in a relationship, we always need to be creative to bring out some of these things and make sure that they are consistent.

SPEAKER_00 23:00

Doesn't mean that keep the surprise elements of, I was gonna say, you know, keep that element of surprise. Because I guess that's what happens in relationships, they become too predictable.

SPEAKER_01 23:10

Exactly. And that was what I was gonna say that it shouldn't be too predictable. So being consistent doesn't mean that you buy your wife or you buy your husband one rose every Friday, it becomes too monotonous, very yeah.

SPEAKER_00 23:26

Do something that they're not expecting.

SPEAKER_01 23:28

That's what I so it is the same one rose, it is the same one rose, but it shouldn't necessarily be every Friday, it shouldn't be necessarily be every week, it should be randomized, it should be out of the out of the blue. She knows, oh, it's it's you buy me, you buy me a rose, but she doesn't know when the rose will come. And that's that that brings the excitement and and the beauty and the expectation, and and the it always brings that spark and that flame in the relationship. So the the little consistent things, not the flamboyant, not out of the blue buying a Jaguar, a Lancruiser, out of the blue buying some something huge, buying a diamond. No, it those are also equally important.

SPEAKER_00 24:10

The the even like even like a little message in your lunchbox or something like that. Do you know what I mean? That's a very small thing. You don't have to spend money, you don't have to buy something, but it's just that thought when you know your partner opens up the lunchbox. I mean, that's going to give you a smile.

SPEAKER_01 24:27

Exactly. There is something I sometimes do out. I'll just I'll just call and I say, hello, how are you? I just wanted to tell you I love you. Bye-bye. And I hang up.

SPEAKER_00 24:37

That's lovely. Love that. But from a woman's point of view, do you think maybe women just give too much, like do too much in a relationship, then they become resentful? You know, I give, give, give, I've done, I've done, I've done, and then they become resentful. And I think that's where this self-care comes into like very, very important. Because speaking for myself, you know, my children are now, well, my youngest one is 30 next year, uh, next month next week. Yeah, my youngest one's 30 next next week, and then my oldest one is 31. But I remember when I was, you know, when they were little, you know, you're tired, you're exhausted, um, you know, you feel guilty if you go and get your nails done, or you feel guilty if you're not doing everything that involves giving to your family. And I think, you know, because I've got to this age, I realize how important self-care, taking time out for yourself, even if it is just like walking yourself, walking through the park, just getting your thoughts together, how important that is. You know, a bath, lock the door, tell everybody that you are unavailable for the next half an hour, um, you know, put your music on, light the candles, yeah, and just have that little bit of time for you.

SPEAKER_01 25:58

Such topics, you don't you don't you don't want to get me started on such topics, but uh actually, because though I'm very passionate about such topics, I believe that a lot of parents do themselves great harm in putting their lives on hold just for their kids.

SPEAKER_00 26:16

Absolutely.

SPEAKER_01 26:17

And many a times it is it is women more than men. Now, and it is worse when it comes to single parents. A lot of parents put themselves on hold, put their relationships on hold just to raise children, only to see the the damage they've caused to themselves 15 years down the line, 20 years down the line. And so I always encourage parents to also self-care in the process of parenting. A lot of relationships have suffered this, where both parents cease to become spouses and focus on parenting. Every communication, every talk, every discussion, every purchase, everything is about the children, their school fees, their shoes, their clothing, their well-being. And you notice that both parents now stop focusing on themselves.

SPEAKER_00 27:11

Yes.

SPEAKER_01 27:12

Noble as that may sound, it is still devastating, it is still damaging, which has a rippling effect. So now the children are old, you cannot let them go because you've got an attachment, and then now you guilt trip them because you put your life on hold so that they can have their lives, and you now wonder why they want to live home, and you now want to guilt trip them. Why do they want to live home? And why blah blah blah, you're gonna be lonely, and you you did not even date because of them. But it didn't ask you not to date.

SPEAKER_00 27:43

No, you you chose to do that yourself, exactly. That was the path that you chose, and and that's why you know what happens is you know, 15, 18 years later, you know, spouses look at each other and they're like, I don't know who you are, I don't fancy you anymore, I don't like you anymore, and that's just because they have just grown apart so gradually, gradually, gradually to the point where the strangers 100%.

SPEAKER_01 28:15

This is because of our foundational belief system.

SPEAKER_00 28:18

Thank you, Ben. That has been a really good conversation, and you know, we have run out of time, so we'll wrap up by just saying, just recapping and encouraging our listeners to walk together, exercise together, share health goals, outdoor activities, and build routines together because healthy habits recreate connection opportunities and shared experiences, strengthen relationships, and they bond us together, which is what they're supposed to do. And next week we'll talk about it.

SPEAKER_01 28:56

Definitely, it's it's very important.

SPEAKER_00 28:58

Yeah, definitely. And and for our next topic, we're going to talk about um the relationship between physical health and living intentionally. That will be exciting. Well, thank you for all your wisdom today, Ben. I have so enjoyed our conversation. Time's just disappeared, and I wish that we had more time, but I will look forward to speaking to you next time. It's been great.

SPEAKER_01 29:24

It's a pleasure. Thanks for having me one more time.

SPEAKER_00 29:27

So thank you for striding through this episode of our podcast. If you've enjoyed today's episode and you'd love to hear more, please join our Facebook community and you can share your stories, you can ask us questions, and we'll be happy to answer them. And you can continue learning. The link is in the show notes. And if you would like one of our consultations, please do get in touch and we can book that for you. We only have a small amount of consultations every week, so please do give us notice and we will try to do our best to fit you in. So if you've got any questions, if you're a diabetic runner, you want to run safely with diabetes, you want to know what kind of shoes you should wear, if the shoes that you are currently wearing need to be replaced, then please do give us some notice and we'll book you in for that. And we do have a free runner's guide, especially for you, and there's lots of hints and tips and folk care health checks in there. So please do download for your reference and information. And remember, guys, how your physical and mental health are deeply connected, and these will impact every aspect of your life from your relationships to your children, your relationships with your partner, how you see yourself, your self-esteem, your confidence, your mindset, it's all connected. So please do spend some time, take time out for yourself because it will definitely impact your life on a positive level. So when you move better, you feel stronger, you take care of yourself, then you're more able to take care of others, and it can also impact your confidence, your mindset, and your overall happiness.