Creme World
Comedian and host Creme Brulee actively trying to figure out what their podcast is gonna be.
Creme World
Behind The Jokes - One Week With A Comedian (me)
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I brought my laptop and mic out for a full week on the Seattle comedy circuit and hit five rooms, recording the sets and then jumping in my car to give unfiltered, immediate notes on what happened while it was still fresh.
Across the week, I’m workshopping bits, trying new tags, trimming the fat, and doing whatever it takes to make audiences laugh. You’ll hear how a “solid” joke changes when I tweak the first sentence, how one clunky transition can ruin a punchline, and why I sometimes open with something intentionally rough just to set the tone that this is a living, breathing process. If you’re into joke writing, comedic timing, and the behind-the-scenes craft of stand-up comedy, tap in.
There’s also the reality of chasing stage time: last-minute changes, different kinds of crowds, local Seattle references that either pop or fall flat, and the pressure trying to get booked. The week builds toward a longer, more polished featured set for Cozy Comedy in West Seattle, where hopefully all the work I'd put in comes together.
If you’ve ever wondered how comedians actually get better between gigs, press play. Subscribe, share it with a comic friend, and leave a review with the line that made you laugh hardest.
It's me. That's cool. Yeah. It's crime, fucking brulee. Yeah, it's crime, fucking brulette. Yeah, it's crime fucking lie. Hello
Episode Setup: Comedy Diary On Road
SPEAKER_01and welcome to a very special episode of the Krimworld Podcast. I'm your host, Krim World. Ha ha, that's a joke. My name is Krim Brule. Legally, don't Google it. My name is Crim Brule, and I'm your host. Um, please, if you listen to the show, if you're enjoying the show, uh subscribe to us on whatever platform you're listening to this on. Leave us a like, leave us a comment. On this isn't gonna be on YouTube, this is a pure audio episode. So leave us a comment on I guess you can comment on Spotify now. That's probably good for the algorithm. I actually have no idea. Um I say it's a very special episode because this I I still haven't decided what we're gonna title this one. Um it'll be like a week in the life of the comedian, diary of a comedian, confessions of a local comedian, confessions of a local comedian sounds kind of hard though. But I don't know if that exactly describes what it what this is gonna be. You have to you know, so much of art now is doing really good art, and then like 50% of it's being like, all right, how do I get people to actually look at this? So whatever. I I digress. Um, but yeah, this is gonna be I I decided to take my uh laptop and microphone on on the road with me this week as I went and did five spots around Seattle, uh doing stand-up comedy. I have the audio from five of the spots, and then after the first four, uh I get into my car and provide some audio commentary on how the sets went. Um I hope with this project was to show you, you know, what it's like to be a comedian and the intricacies and nuances of trying to get jokes better and trying to improve uh on a week-to-week basis. I think this should be I'm excited. I haven't listened to this yet in full, I'm excited to listen to this in full. I'm excited for y'all to listen to this. I think if you're someone who's interested in comedy or a comedian, I hope that this is uh informative and instructive in some ways. Or and at the very least just entertaining. Um Yeah, you're gonna get to hear five sets at the end. Uh so three of the sets were just kind of like open mic sets, and two of the sets were like I'm featuring in the final one. It's uh feature set at a s at a cozy comedy show in West Seattle. So it's 15 minutes, and it's definitely uh the most polished of all of the uh of the comedy I do on this uh episode, period. Um you know, you could look at it like the the three or four sets before are really trying to work up to this 15-minute set where I was trying to do really well um because I was featuring uh for Cozy Comedy, which is a company up here that puts on a lot of shows that I really want to be more involved with, uh, because I want to be doing a lot of shows. So yeah, you get to see some open mic, you get to see some like jokes not work well and me keep trying them and tweaking them and stuff like that, and I think all that culminates in a really nice set. There's not gonna be any analysis uh there's no gonna be no post-game report after the last set. After that, it's just gonna fade out because it it's already gonna be a rather long episode, and I'm sure you'll be I will have discussed most of the jokes at nauseum at that point, so I think it'll just be nice to go out on hopefully what's hopefully some laughs for y'all. Um so anyway, the first set is gonna be uh Monday open mic set at the Twaddy's open mic at St. John's Bar in Seattle. Um just a quick shout out to everyone I performed for. Uh Twaddy is on Monday, Club Comedy on Tuesday, uh Open Mic Collective on Wednesday, Roadrunners uh Open Mic uh on Friday, and Cozy Comedy is who I worked for on Monday. So shout out to all those producers. Um thank you for the opportunities and thank you for listening. Uh, without further ado, here is some stand-up comedy.
SPEAKER_03I'm
Monday Open Mic Set One
SPEAKER_03like coming to the stage, everyone. Put your hands together for Creme Brolet.
SPEAKER_01What's going on, St. John's bar in eatery? Cool. Umbrella, I'm not gonna explain that. Um what do you guys think about this? Harry Potter in the street of her moods.
SPEAKER_00I was gonna be fully like this show.
SPEAKER_01I just want to think I kind of love the JK Ramley in the fan show because I never like Harry Potter. I like trans people, but I like late people. Um with the English language, and now black people are mopping the floor with you, like truly what you guys haven't had a good you guys haven't been good at words since Shakespeare died.
SPEAKER_00Black teenagers have been mopping you.
SPEAKER_01Shakespeare never said anything as cool as ocean. White women with no beast and shit like this. I think the best, I think the best example is something that's like a little bit of something. Different ways in my presentation is cool, right? Like do lame tiny fire. Even the classic tiny. All white people have contributed in that space is cool beans. Cool beans sounds like some shit Morgan Z. Alright, you guys. Hey,
Car Notes: Local Jokes And Writing
SPEAKER_01um, it's me in the car after the mic. Uh, as you could probably have heard, as as you probably heard, that went pretty well. I'm pretty happy with that set. Um the I'd say so none of the jokes were brand new. Um obviously the thing I did at the very beginning, the Harry Potter and the Strait of Her Moose joke was pretty new. And I had never done that before. And honestly, it's uh it's not very good, but you know, philosophically, uh part of my comedy, like performing philosophy at least, is I like to start with something that is either like uh a common not like a something that makes it clear that everything I'm about to say isn't something I've been rehearsing and crafting for like years. Like I'm trying I try to humanize myself and present myself as funny simultaneously, and like sometimes sometimes you don't even want a joke that works super well. Like I didn't think no part of my brain was like, yeah, people are gonna I was stand and applaud at this straight of Hermuz joke, but um it was it was fun for me and um the the J.K. Rowling piece uh I did after it actually is pretty old. I wrote it like a couple years ago uh as the end of a like a longer piece about Halloween, and I've kind of kept it in my own back pocket whenever um the topic of J.K. Rowling comes up. You know, uh I I did the thing where I asked the crowd how they feel about J.K. Rowling. You know, it's not only Seattle, but that was like a queer bar, I should say. That was St. John's um Bar and Eatery, I think it's called. Uh the open mic is Twatties. Shout out to the Twatties producers. Um, some of my favorite people in the entire city have been super, super, super gracious and kind and supportive of me um since I moved here. Uh but like I knew uh they were gonna boo J.K. Rowling, and that's kind of just fun to do sometimes. So I I started off by doing something super old and super new, uh kind of squish together. Um yeah, the the first joke I did, the egg slut and biscuit bitch joke. If you're not from Seattle, that pro that one probably isn't gonna r ring. It's not gonna I mean it makes sense. Um, but I think it make it's funnier if you've actually seen those restaurants. Um I like I like doing local jokes. Like I think I don't know, like partially my most successful jokes online that I've posted have been like pretty hyper local, and so part of that that's kind of a little bit of the motivation. And there's also if you're a comic you might be aware, but I I doubt Civilian is super aware. A couple of specials ago, Cat Williams opened his like Netflix special by doing like 12 to 15 minutes on Jacksonville specifically, and it's kind of legendary, and it killed in the room, and it's like, you know, local jokes aren't gonna connect to everybody, but when you can see someone killing, it's it's you know, you you get it. So I always like to do um jokes about the place I'm in. I think it shows people it makes people feel senior like, oh, I know that restaurant. And also, you know, there's this Dane Cook joke. Uh Dane Cook, one of my favorite comedians growing up, a lot of people's one of their favorite comedians growing up, hugely popular and influential um in the early to mid 2000s. He had a joke about Burger King where he called it the BK Lounge, and like I've in my head called it the BK Lounge ever since I've heard him do that. And I was at work uh this past week, and this woman who's like 10 years older than me from a completely different part of the per like country, like we're super different, but she said BK Lounge, it was just this moment where we got to connect. So I don't know, I also like the idea, and this doesn't obviously doesn't have to be super local because a joke about Burger King isn't local, but I like the idea of doing a joke so that like every time someone sees a thing, they think of like my joke, you know. I like I want the egg slut and biscuit bitch joke to be so successful that people in Seattle every time they think of it, uh every time they see egg slut are like, yeah, what wave of feminism is this? Um so that's a joke I really like. Um how did I do as uh shout out to um Apple, uh the voice memos, by the way, because they'll just give you the whole transcript of your set. Um yeah, I'm pretty happy with how that went. I've uh that's kind of the first time, the second part of it, with the part with me going into Egg SLUT, hypothetically, that's the first time I've gotten that to work. It's really only the second or maybe third time I've done the joke. Um and the buzzballs part of it at the end, that's that's pretty new as well. So I'm pretty happy with those. Um yeah, I'm I'm I don't have any other commentary on Egg Slut. Um in the last joke, the cool beans, I mean that's what it's titled to me, Cool Beans. Um, but just like the joke about black and white people talking, um might be kind of interesting, and maybe I'll uh splice in like the first version of that joke I've done, m maybe, but just to say, so I've thought of I was listening to the Deontay Kyle podcast a couple of months ago, and the guest on the podcast just started talking they started talking about they were having a conversation about you know how black people are so good at English, and so it's not the premise is definitely stolen from a conversation I saw two people having. Um, but the dude uh I can't remember the guest, but the guest was t talking about how many different ways black people have come up to say have come up but how many different ways black people have come up with to say gun, and he just listed them all from like the beginning of hip hop to now, and they got to like 20, and I was like, Yeah, I've actually heard that use his gun too. And it was like, wow, that's fascinating. I wonder if I could do something in that vein. So that's the initial inspiration of that joke, but also the the cool beans, that punchline. Um I want to say I wrote the punchline, just that specific part about like white people, your only cool word, the only word you invented is cool beans. That that punchline I invented I wrote truly like I can't remember, but like years ago, and it was part of a joke that just didn't work at all. But there was this one part where I'm like, white people, cool be you guys invented cool beans, ha ha ha. Um and so you know, the interesting part of joke writing is for me a lot of a lot of different comedians have a lot of different styles. I like to I'm a I'm an overwriter, if I if I had to describe myself. Um I'll write pages of of like one joke and I'll just write every thought I could have about it and every like you know, I'll just kind of free write is what it's like called. Kind of I'll just be like, let me try and get every thought I have about it down and see if I could, as I you know kind of as these thoughts come out of me, can I form them into like a coherent joke, which ultimately is like storytelling a little bit and you know, kind of structuring, uh figuring out what the m the misdirection, what the well ultimately what the humor of it is, and figuring out the game of it and to figuring out how long you can play the game. Um so I wrote the the and so all that to say like sometimes in the overriding process you'll write it's four pages and three and a half of the pages are trash, but there's like three sentences that are great, and the joke won't work, but you'll kind of just always remember, like I've just always remembered uh the cool beans part. And then when I heard this Deonta Cow podcast and tried writing the joke, um you know, that's where you see the part all the different ways black people have to say cool, all white people have is cool beans. That's kind of the essence of that. So I've had that particular piece, the different ways to say cool to cool beans. I've had that at this point for probably like two or three months, but this is like the third completely different machination of a joke about of getting there. Initially, I was writing a joke about how event initially it was just like I got told growing up, I got told I talked like a white person a lot, and that sucks because white people are bad at talking, and then that was it. And then that that worked okay, and then I did a version where I was like, um I grew up a lot where it was that, but I extrapolated it more to talk about my experience um growing up around white people, and then I that was draft two, and then draft three was kind of the bones of where I'm at now, where you'll hear it at another part this week or something, but there's a there's a joke where um I talk about uh how does what's the joke? Uh the cookout and um being called uh I bring up yeah, you'll hear the joke, but it's essentially a joke about how I've never been called a real nigga. And eventually my hope is to combine that piece with this piece, and it's one coherent piece about me, my experience being like a black person who's lived around a lot of white people, into making fun of the way white people talk. And this is the most succinct version, the version I just did. I wrote maybe I wrote that was it Saturday night, so two nights ago. Um and I was really happy with it. And um, so that was the first time I've done the entire um what's the most embarrassing part about being white? Uh Black People are mopping the floor, the Shakespeare, um, and the uh Heavens to Betsy, all of that was brand new, and I'm really happy with how that went because as I said, this is like the third machination of me trying to get this one specific piece to work. Um and so yeah, I think that transitions into me talking about what the rest of the week is gonna look like. This is spot number one, open mic on a Monday night. Um tomorrow I have a featured spot at open mic at Emerald City Comedy Club. Um so this this was a lot of me working on stuff. Tomorrow, I don't know. I think I might do some. I think I might do the cool bean. I might try and put the two pieces together that I talked about, the uh real nigga and cool beans. I'll probably try and put those together. It is um my first time being featured at the Emerald City Comedy Club open mic, which isn't like a crazy honor or anything, but it is you know, excuse me. Me at the local at the stage I'm at in the local comedy, you know, uh hierarchy scene, whatever. I moved here a couple months ago. Um, in Seattle is cool because there's a bunch of different actual like established comedy clubs that have, you know, national comedians, headliners uh coming in constantly, and some of them need features and openers, and that's a really good gig at the stage I'm at to be able to get. And I've kind of got I've kind of m positioned myself. I've kind of gotten gotten in, gotten past, gotten work at one club here, Laughs Comedy Club. Shout out to Laughs Comedy Club. Uh Angela, Dennis, uh, and David love love them very much. Um and so I'm trying to do that with Emerald City Comedy Club. Uh like the the my goal now is basically whenever there's a famous black com comedian coming to Seattle, I'm the opener. That's kind of the level I'm trying to get to. And I've I've I've cracked the door in that, but I'm definitely not like, you know, stamped in that capacity. So that's what we're doing. And then Wednesday, um, there's another uh tapped-out comedy. I think I'll probably be doing seven to ten minutes. It's like another featured open mic where um I think everyone who's going up will be pretty solid. Um I'm not super sure what I'm gonna do. Then at this point, I will probably do some version of the stuff I do I'll probably do the stuff I do tomorrow. Plus, because I'm um, you know, doing this with y'all, I'll probably try and throw in I don't know, something more interesting. Maybe I'll try and write something new. Um that one there's not really, you know, the stakes of me trying to I d I don't know if I finished saying this, but I think I kinda demonstrated the point that I want to do well at Emerald City. Um, so that they ha book me for stuff. Um, this isn't the same situation. There aren't really stakes. Um Uh, this is with the open mic collective. Shout out to Allison Fine. Um, and you know, she already knows what I could do, and I, you know, feel more freedom to do some weird or new stuff. Uh, so that's what I'll do. Um yeah, so I'm throwing it to the next set. This next thing you hear will be me at Emerald City Comedy.
Tuesday Club Set: Cool Beans
SPEAKER_00What's going on, Pop Comedy? All right, so I need you all to be honest with me. What do you think is the most embarrassing part about being white? No answer?
SPEAKER_02So many things.
SPEAKER_01So many things. To me, the most embarrassing part about being white besides sunburn. Just throw up.
SPEAKER_00Is how much of a head start you guys had over black people with the English language to being where you are now? Like, truly what incarnation. Wait, people, you guys haven't come up with any good words since Shakespeare died. And since then it's been black teenagers monsters. Honestly, Shakespeare's never said anything as cool as four chisels, so Romeo Romeo, where shizzles out Romeo.
SPEAKER_01That was just strange. Okay. Oh, I guess just think about it like uh without black weird people, white women, you would still be saying shit like uh heaven's to Betsy. If we just say girl and do the same as the same text.
SPEAKER_00To me, the best example of how much better black people are at 12 is how many different ways we have to say something that's cool, right? Like go, live, fire, tyrant, the classics, dyno might. Uh all white people have to contribute to that space as cool beans, right? Cool beans is disgusting. Sounds like a Mormon dish. Now I'll be honest with you guys. My mom says cool beans also. Uh I'm black, as you know, as you know. Um but I'm insecure about the way other black people see me, because I've never been called a real nigga. Um if you're white and you don't understand a graphic being called a real nigga. Imagine if someone calls you a class act. Uh I hope to one day be a real nigga. Kind of like the black Pinocchio.
SPEAKER_01I am one of the things. You said all that's embarrassing for me.
SPEAKER_00Uh it's not that black people don't like me, it's just I know myself. I know I bring a lot of have you guys seen the office energy to the cookout? Most black people haven't seen the office because they're too busy finding a culture. If you don't know what the cookout is, the cookout is like a hypothetical space where black people are all hanging out, drilling ribs, and listening to our Kelly guilt free. We only invite the best white people. Uh that means white boys who can dance, white women with fat asses, and care more.
SPEAKER_01In this weird way, uh the cookout only exists to invite white people to. Uh when I realized that I was like, ah, they got us again.
SPEAKER_00Well, I think we should keep the cookout, right? I think we should keep the cookout and invite as many white people to it as we can and rob them.
SPEAKER_01Hey, we're
Car Notes: Tightening Delivery And Filler
SPEAKER_01back after set two. Um I ended up doing three minutes at Club Comedy Seattle because Emerald City was closed. Um, I am now behind a safe way uh on Capitol Hill in Seattle. And if you live on the West Coast, you know behind a safe way is not the place you want to be. So we're gonna try and get out of here, not out of here quickly. We're gonna we're gonna do it. So as you probably heard, that was that was pretty good. Um I did some new stuff. I kinda did some tweaks. Uh some of the tweaks did not work. Uh we'll we'll get to uh a faux chisel. Valomeow. Um the the first thing uh I want to say is so one thing I want to talk about that's like a little more subtle, uh at least in terms of my comedic experience, is right now one of my like so as a performer and as like a public speaker, you really I think my philosophy is you wanna be I mean it's similar to my writing philosophy, you want to be as curt as possible, um, have the least amount of filler words and just kind of be the most efficient you can with the uh amount of words you say. And one way I think I'm really bad at that is I'll just uh just kind of as a filler word, say right a lot. Like I'll s I'll even tag, not tag, but I'll like say my punchline, then I'll just immediately say right as kind of like a I don't know if it's nervous as much as it is like just vr a verbal thing I'm hung up on right now. Before um what was it before? It was you know, it was you know what I mean, and then uh I cut that down to you know, and then I cut out you know, and then right popped up. Maybe right was there the whole time, but I wasn't focused on it. So um that's just one thing to listen to uh going forward, uh, and I'll try to report on that. I don't know how many there were on this uh set in particular, but there were uh listening back a couple that I I would have liked to cut out um because I think it will make some of the jokes hit a little harder. Um I may have mentioned yesterday that my goal was to like merge these two jokes I did. The um the titles of the jokes are uh what is this one? The first one I would title is for first one is Cool Beans, and the second one I say we can call it I I don't know if I'm gonna title it Class Act or um Black Pinocchio, because Black Pinocchio is definitely my favorite part. Um so I think it's gonna be Black Pinocchio. Um so originally, as I I think I mentioned, the the Class Act or the Cool Beans. Cool Beans is the title of the first one, Cool Beans and Black Pinocchio. The original originally Cool Beans was the first thing I wrote. Um and Class or Black I'm not gonna get it right. We'll figure it out. Um and Black Pinocchio was kind of an expositional piece I wrote that uh was going to connect to Cool Beans, and then when I rent went to rewrite Cool Beans, I rewrote it in a way where the beginning doesn't really fit at the end. Like they don't this isn't really one coherent joke, it's two jokes. Perhaps I will try and see how I can mold it because ultimately Cool Beans is is or ultimately Black Pinocchio is a joke about like at least the b the pre-cookout part is about you know me feeling insecure as a black person, and I just don't know if that can now go into the most embarrassing part about being white, because that is how I frame it initially, and I like where I've gone with that. And so in order to scaffold them together, I I think it would require maybe I could actually move the head start part to after Cool Beans. I don't know. I'm gonna work on it. Uh and maybe in the next couple you'll see me try and s see if I can uh super glue these together. Um so getting into how the set went, um, so you guys last night, you guys heard uh Cool Beans. I did Cool Beans last night. Yeah, I did Cool Beans last night. Um I I was happy with the the the beginning. I think I I got not the what do y'all not the the part where I say um I think the most embarrassing part is how much of a head start you had over niggas with the English language. I didn't say that specifically. I didn't say that tonight I said that in a way where that line alone got a laugh. And that was my initial intent yesterday, and I don't think I nailed that per se, uh, because the what incarnation is its own little punchline. So I was happy with that. Um also at the beginning of my set, my mouth is dry. I don't know if you were wondering why. I start a little I'm I'm uh I'm fighting a little bit at the beginning. Um so yeah, da da da da da. And then we move into the Shakespeare part, and that's where the first that's where my first little addition came in. Um when yeah, well before this when I was before I the set, I mean, when I was coming up with what I was gonna say, uh, or not like I was just kind of outlining the joke. I thought it might be kind of silly to do a little of Shakespeare with faux shizzle in it, and that's how we got uh Romeo where Romeo were faux shizzled out Romeo, and that didn't work at all. Um and I think maybe I stumbled over it a bit. Uh so the combination of me stumbling over it and the fact that I still really like it, I'm gonna probably tinker with it um and try it again so it won't be the last time. Cause uh, you know, the save I had for it's a re it it's a save you get one, you know. So uh if that's the only part that's not working, I'll I'll keep I'll keep tinkering with it. Um yeah, then I kind of stumble into the Heavens to Betsy part. Uh I wanted I want that to the part with the girl at the end, because the that's too long to t to text. That was a cleaner version of how I said it last night, which was you know something along with think of that, how long that would be to text. I wanted to make that a little more succinct or a little more curt rather, and just say that would be hard to text. Um and then on my notes here, it just says uh because it's kind of outlined. This part just says girl, and then in parentheses I wrote zesty because I wanted to try and say it zestier. Um, and I don't know if I said it zesty enough. And also I think it's a little muddled getting into there. So I'm gonna clean that up. I think that could still be better. Um and yeah, the last edition um was the cool the my mom says cool beans at the end, which is a hundred percent true. Um you know it's one of those the tag of cool beans that sounds disgusting. That sounds like a Mormon dish. Like it's already three tags, and then my mom likes cool beans. That's four tags, that's tagged enough. Um but uh it it funny to me is there was one old white woman in the front, and she wasn't necessarily she didn't not like she was like she clearly was enjoying herself, but it wasn't like she was really like laughing out loud that much. And uh that sounds like a Mormon dish got her, got really broke her, and that made me happy. Um so now on to uh black Pinocchio. I don't think y'all have heard that. No, that yeah, I didn't do that last night. So um yeah, in terms of what was new tonight with that with this one, because I've done this joke probably about four or five times now. Um the only the new parts were at the part about the cookout when I talk about um it's a metaphysical or hypothetical space where black people are cooking ribs and listening to R. Kelly guilt free. I had been saying cooking ribs and listening to Stevie Wonder because that was like accurate, but it's not really a laugh, so I was like, maybe I'll say listen to R. Kelly G listening to R. Kell Kelly guilt free. I think it worked. Um Yeah, I mean it's a little edgy, but I also there's like a little bit of truth in there. There weren't really black people in the room. There was one mixed person, and I actually didn't make much eye contact with her until I was like, uh until I got to the part in the joke where I was like, uh, I'm insecure about the way black people see me. That was like the first time we made eye contact, and it was like, I don't know, I don't know how to feel about that. Uh, because it was subcon it was a subconscious move, but I knew I knew I knew she was there before. And at that point I was like, I have to acknowledge. I don't know. I don't comedy is a strange, it's a strange uh art form. Um the other new part was the goddess again uh that I wrote before I came up with before this. Um yeah, it w it worked. Uh yeah, Robum, yeah, that was the set. I feel pretty good about it. Uh I I really like where both these jokes are at. There's a couple of tweaks, like I think for in the Black Pinocchio joke, the the punchline when I say um the cookout is a place where uh we invite the best white people, and that's white boys who can dance, white women with fat asses in the band Paramour. There's a lot that can be done with that because we'll white boys who can dance and white women with fat asses, I feel like is like true, but it doesn't really get a laugh. Um and so part of me wants to leave it like that where they're not lines that get laughs because it like makes the last one paramour a little more uh like it's through you know the comedic rule of threes where you set up an expectation and then uh subvert it. So I feel like if I do three funny things, I I don't know if that would hit. And it's hard to, it was already hard enough to think of Paramour. And the other part of the this is figuring out like, okay, I know Paramour as a punchline works in Seattle proper uh with like you know generally millennial crowds, but I don't know if Paramo's a joke that like would work in Tacoma, Washington, or you know, any place that's not, you know, uh a a densely populated city full of you know yuppie millennials. So we'll see about that. Um not really sure what I'm gonna do tomorrow. I'm definitely gonna do both of these tomorrow. Um you know, I was happy I can do the second one. I did I like prioritize doing put black Pinocchio because uh it was a one you guys haven't heard before, and like I want this to be interesting, so I d I'm trying to not just gonna I'm trying to not just do the same. I don't want y'all to hear the same jokes the whole week though. I don't know. I'm kind of in the I don't know, because there's like, you know, is it interesting for you guys to see like the little tweaks of a joke over and over? I guess that that's the real game. Um so I guess I want to mix that, but also give you guys at least something new every time you listen. So it's not just the same set two or three times. Um split the difference on that one. Uh this this feels like a sufficient uh reporting. Uh there's like some light ambient rain. I don't know if it'll be picked up. Uh I it's what time is it? It's nine. Is it nine o'clock? It's eight fifty-four, and I still haven't had dinner, so I'm signing out.
SPEAKER_03Uh all righty. Very funny. Crim Brune.
Wednesday Set: Dating White Women
SPEAKER_01Hey, what's going on? Some of you over here and some of you over here. Children back there.
SPEAKER_02Is that allowed? Oh shit, really.
SPEAKER_00I feel cover their ears, please. Intermittently cover their ears. I'll point when they should cover their ears. Uh hang on Crumbrilla. Uh yeah, that's the stage name genius. Uh my government name is Tiramasue.
SPEAKER_01Uh the economy's not doing great right now, so I'm back to dating white women. Uh if you ever see me walk out of a Whole Foods with a Samantha, that is a recession indicator. Okay. I think black love is beautiful, but gas is six dollars. Samantha drives with Tesla. Uh I like dating white women though. Y'all pussy taste like LaCroix. It's like a little bit of flavor in there.
SPEAKER_00You're like, is that peach? Or shit tastes like spindrift? Like, damn, shorty got real fruit juice in here or what? I don't think there's any better evidence that I actually date white women than having a spindrift joke. Okay.
SPEAKER_01I'm working on an Emily and Paris joke. Just wait on it, y'all. Um I wanna're great. I just wish there was a way to know how many white how many black people a white woman's been with. Uh besides cutting her down and counting the rings. That's a very dumb joke. I know. Um besides cutting down, because like I don't want to be one of the first black people you date, because at that point it seems like it's just trying to figure out whether or not you like black people or hate your dad. Right? Have you ever been with someone and realized you're a phase, y'all? You wake up and you're like, this is how it's just too nice for me.
SPEAKER_00Uh I'm either in a get out situation or you got something to prove.
SPEAKER_01I also don't want to be like the 80th nigga you date, you know, because at that point it just seems like you're doing research or something. Like you got some sort of cheap, freaky, Jane, good all fantasy where you want a bunch of niggas in the forest to fuck you against a tree. You know what? I might be into it, actually. I might be available for that. Come see me after the show.
SPEAKER_00Um part of a dating white woman is trying to trick them into saying, nigga, y'all ever done this?
SPEAKER_01Uh no black people in here. That's awesome. That's awesome. Uh so y'all haven't. I take it you haven't done this. Okay. Let me walk you through it. Uh, you wait until like a like a Saturday morning, you guys are both in bed cuddling. You go out to get her some coffee, bring the coffee back, kiss her on the forehead, say, babe, you know I love you, right? And she's like, baby, I love you too. And you're like, babe, you know how to do anything to you, right? She's like, Yeah, I guess you say nigga. Because she's either not gonna say it, and you're like, cool, she's probably not gonna, she's probably not racist, or she says it, and that's hot. That's also hilarious, right? Because white people, you guys like racism aside, you sound funny saying nigga, right? Because it's like, you're not supposed to, you're not supposed to be doing it, it's not supposed to be one of those tiny pick clips, you understand? Like hearing a white person say nigga is kind of like hearing a queef, you know?
SPEAKER_00When you hear a queef, you have two thoughts, right? Oh my god, that's adorable. And you can be a shame of yourself.
SPEAKER_01Um I am a black person. Ah, uh I'm a black person, but I'm insecure about the way other black people see me. Because I've never been called a real nigga. Um I know all of you are white, so you don't understand the gravity of being called a real nigga. Oh, something real Joe. As soon as all of you are white, I was like, oh Joe, never mind. Uh most of you are white, so you don't understand the gravity of being called a real nigga. We just imagine white people if someone called you a class act, right? That's your N-word, use it wisely.
SPEAKER_00Um I hope to one day be a real nigga. I'm kind of like the black Pinocchio.
SPEAKER_01I am a real nigga, um, it's not that black people don't like me, it's just I know myself. I know I bring a very have you seen the office energy to the cookout? And most black people haven't seen the office because they're too busy having a culture. I mean, if y'all don't know what the cookout is, the cookout is like a theoretical space where black people are all hanging out, grilling ribs, and listening to our tele guilt free. Uh we invite only the best white people there, and by the best white people, I mean white boys who can dance, white woman with fat asses, and teramore. Gotta get one of those three boxes. Uh but in this fucked up way, the cookout only exists to invite white people to. You know what I mean? I realized that. Like, ah, they got us again.
SPEAKER_00But I think we should keep it. I think we should still have the cook out, and we should invite as many white people as possible, and we should rob one.
SPEAKER_01Um, what do you guys think is the most embarrassing part about being white, if you have to say other white people. Other white people?
SPEAKER_02Yeah, that's how many is about the tiny glimpses.
SPEAKER_01English? Okay. There are a lot of choices, aren't there? To me, the most embarrassing part about being white, besides sunburn, because grow up is how much of a head start white people had over black people with the English language to being where you are now, it's like truly what incarnation, y'all. Boy, we guys haven't come up with good words since Shakespeare died, you know? And since then, black teenagers have been mopping the floor with you. To be honest, Shakespeare never said anything as cool as faux chisel, so I see on conversation. Romeo, Romeo. We're faux chiseled out, Romeo. Didn't work yesterday either, but there's some parts you're right, you're like, that one's gonna work. That one's not gonna work. Um I think the best evidence of how oh, I skipped apart. Uh white women, just think about where you would be, you know, without the contributions of black queer people. You know what I mean? Y'all would still be saying shit like heavens to Betsy without black queer people. Just think about how long that is to text. You could never text that like four times a day. What do you mean, just say, girl? Um I think the best evidence for how much better black people are at talking is how many different ways we have to say something is pool, right? Like we have dope, lit, tight, fire, even the classics, dynamite. You know what I mean? All white people have contributed in that space is cool beans.
SPEAKER_00Cool beans sounds gross, y'all.
SPEAKER_01That's sounds like a Mormon dish. Uh caveat with y'all. My mom says cool beans all the time. That's very annoying. Um I'm happy I'm black in 2026, uh, because I'm like a sensitive nigga, and I feel like being sold at an algebra would have hurt my feelings. You know. I think the first slave auction was probably like an episode of Shark Tank. Uh just have all the sharks in there, and then one guy walks in, he's like, Sharks, you know how picking cotton is hard.
SPEAKER_00Now introducing niggas pending. And then one of the sharks raises his hand, and the guy's like, Yes, Thomas Jefferson. Okay? And Thomas Jefferson's like, are there lady niggas?
SPEAKER_01And the guy's like, Thomas, you a freak. But there are lady niggas, yeah. And then Mark Cuban's like, I'll take three-fifths.
SPEAKER_00Yeah.
SPEAKER_01For my smart people in here, that's a three-fifth compromise joke. You don't hear that shit every day. You don't hear that shit every day. Uh for the non-AP. I mean, yeah, that's true. That's what I was going for. Um for the non-AP history takers, the three-fifths compromise was this really uh generous agreement white people came to back in the 1700s, where the North and the South agreed that black people count on the census as three-fifths of a person, which I personally think is too low.
SPEAKER_00To me, the most fucked up part about it is I can't think of anything more evil than combining racism and frank shit, certainly.
SPEAKER_01We all agree it's a bad thing MLK died, right? I know someone who doesn't. But maybe it's good for his legacy that oh, a child, hello. It's good for his legacy that Dr. King died when he did. Because we live in an age where even the most respected individuals are willing to sell out a reputation for clout.
SPEAKER_00And I would just hate to see MLP sink to the level of starting a podcast. Like one of the greatest Americans in history doing an ad read for HelloFresh.
SPEAKER_01Use coupon code free at last. Alright, y'all look at night.
Car Notes: Keeping Old Jokes Fresh
SPEAKER_01Uh please excuse the rain, but yeah, that was I'm I'm in the car after that. That was a fun set at the Hill City Tap House. Um the where do we start? Um, I feel like I was a little stumbly through that set, not as tight as I would have liked to be. Um I walked in. As soon as I walked in, they were like, You're next, and you're doing 10 minutes, and I didn't know any of that prior, but so I was I was a little more frazzled than I would have liked to be, but you gotta do what you gotta do. Uh all in all, uh I'm pretty happy with how that went. Excuse me. Um yeah, what was new, so the part at the beginning the the joke about white women, how many white how many niggas a white woman's date, and the to the Jane Goodall. I guess that joke is called Jane Goodall now. Before it was Yelp. So this is another joke that the first minute or so of that was pretty new. I've had the idea of originally the idea was like, I wish there was a way to know how many niggas a white woman's been with, and then like Yelp for white women, because I don't want to be the first nigga you date, because then I feel responsible for your black education, and I gotta show you how to do the wobble and read you my Angelou poems, and that just that worked fine. It was f I I don't know. I I clearly I changed it because it the joke, there's clearly good stuff there, um, but it never felt perfect. This one feels a little bit better. The the new stuff at the beginning about the economy, um, that was all new, and I'm pretty happy with that one, especially, you know, especially considering the economy is bad. So uh yeah, it felt accurate, you know. Gas is six dollars, uh, Samantha drives a Tesla, ha ha ha. Um Yeah, I still think there's definitely some parts that need work. There's a part I forgot um to do altogether about lip filler. Maybe I'll hear that tomorrow or the next mic. Um yeah, the part about I wish there was a way to know how many niggas a white woman's been with besides cutting her down and counting the rings. I wrote that today. That's either too stupid to work or my favorite part of the joke. Um, I'm still not sure. I think it could be a little smoother, maybe. I I just need to tinker with uh that just that how it comes out because I think it works, um, but I don't know how sturdy that one's gonna be going forward. Um and the part about this is either a get out situation or you or proving something to someone, that didn't really work. I mean, it worked okay. Um I think that could be a little better. So uh the the finan the part of the beginning about the recession indicator of the financial of it all, I like. Um yeah, it's just that's the classic. It it needs some work. It's it's getting there. Um so I was happy with that. Um the the say nigga part, that's that's honestly say nigga is the first joke I had when I started back doing comedy. Um about at this point two or three years ago. Um yeah, it's pretty sturdy. Uh I like it a lot. It's you know, um one thing I'm gonna talk about with another joke, probably, or I guess I'll talk about it now because I've already started, is there's a strange thing, not a strange thing, um, but it can sometimes be some jokes you tell, and the more you tell them, they just get like less fun to do. And that can be the case with like 99% of I feel like that's the case with not 99% of the jokes, with a lot of jokes, because you're like, you know, I've have to perform this a thousand times. I just don't feel like it. There's you know, when I was trying to come up with a set I was gonna do tonight, there's a couple jokes where I'm like, I know this will work, but I uh I just it's just not as fun or interesting for me to do. Um and despite you know, say nigga being one of the jokes I've been doing for the longest time at this point, still is a lot of fun to do. Um the the part at the end, I usually choose one punchline for that one, either the and that's kinda hot or the part about the queef. But I've been thinking a while about being like, what if I just did both punchlines? Um, because the queee part is actually stolen from another joke altogether. It just works here. So uh that that was nice that that worked. Um, real nigga, let's see, question bits. Um I think real nigga, I don't know if I had any notes about that one, honestly. Uh I'm happy the R. Kelly part worked again. I'm thinking of maybe now the R. Kelly part works of just singing a little bit of ignition remix after after I say that. Um just because I want to. I I would like to sing ignition remix in my set. It's the only time uh I would hypothetically get to enjoy it. So we'll see about that going forward. Um yeah, I think that's uh that's pretty much it for that one. Better at talking. Uh the the I like uh at the beginning I did the uh what do you think the most embarrassing part about being white is? And you know, for me, I I go back and forth on do asking like the audience questions, the beginning of bits, because it it's just it could go like how it went tonight where everyone said a lot of stuff, and then at the end I was like, there are a lot of choices, huh? And that was a good ad lib. And if I continue doing it as a question, that might be an ad-lib. That becomes just a part of the joke, that it becomes like the cap to that, because it is a good after everyone says everything, it is a good way to close it. And that's you know, generally the problem I find with question bits is like, all right, how do I transition back to the joke now if I can't necessarily find a funny zinger in this? It's also funny because someone in the audience said sunburn, which as you know at this point is the part of the joke I do, uh, which was the embarrassing thing I say in the joke, so that was funny. Um and it still works saying grow up, so I like that. I was worried the grow up part was gonna be a thing that only worked one time, but it seems to be a little dependable. Um I'm thinking about so for the Shakespeare never said anything as interesting or as cool as faux chisel. I'm thinking about changing it from faux chisel to something a little more modern. I just haven't really found out what the modern thing is. I don't know what the modern equivalent to faux chisel is. Um yeah, I think um what else are they gonna say about that? And obviously the Romeo, Romeo, Faux Chisel without Romeo. I it didn't work last night, it didn't work tonight. I'll probably kill it. Or I was looking at other Shakespeare quotes. Uh you know, in order for it to work, I think there's like a potential of me being like, now imagine if Shakespeare was written by niggas and then I do something like that. But that would be a thing I have to figure out how to then transition from that into the next part of the joke, which might not be impossible, but you know, that's just that's the work to be done. Um the part of the end where I add the you want to know something my mom says that shit a lot, it didn't work as well as it did last night. So now I'm wondering if I'm gonna keep that. Um if if I do I might have to come up with another line or two. Um last night, shout out to uh is it Riley McCarthy? Is that his name? Oh, Riley Urbano. Riley McCarthy is a comedian in Portland. Shout out to Riley Urbano um last night after I did it, and this is the second time he's done this actually. He he went on stage and he was like, uh, white people came up with tubular too. So I've been thinking about being like uh adding an an endum and being like, yeah, last time I told this joke, a white person after the show came up and told me, like, what about tubular? And I was thinking about doing something like, and I looked it up, and you guys want to know something? Tubular was actually invented by white people. No, y'all totally invented that corny shit. So maybe that works. It seems like I'm gonna say black people and then it's a misdirect to white people. We'll see. I might try it. Um yeah, after that, Shark Tank and Hello Fresh. Uh Shark Tank worked pretty good. Uh I stumbled now that I stumbled through, I'm still tinkering with how to reveal that one of the sharks is Thomas Jefferson. There's a way to I think do it more smoothly than I did. Um, you know, I've done it where I just say Thomas Jefferson raises his hand. I'm not sure if that works better than how I did it where you don't know it's Thomas Jefferson until it gets called on. I don't know if it matters, but that's the the note I wrote down, and then HelloFresh. Um there's more at the end I would have liked to do. I like this joke a lot. Um especially I think there's so how I like it is like Jama shout out Jamael. I can't remember your last name, Jamayel, but in the in the video or in the audio, you heard as soon as I said it, someone like laughs pretty loudly. Um say the first line, like we all agree it's a good bad thing M LK died or a good bad thing MLK died. Um that's the that's the reaction I'm gonna like obviously I know laughter is the reaction I'm going for, but sometimes I say it in a way that makes it more like it puts people on the hook more than I think I did it tonight. That's kind of a abstract thing, but there's a way to say it with just from like a timing perspective where I think I can kind of draw it out and make it seem a little more scandalous than it is. I don't know, maybe maybe not. We'll see. Um yeah, that was that set. Next set's probably gonna be Friday night at Roadrunners uh post bike Georgetown. Um I decided I'm gonna do this probably, and maybe I'll cut it off uh if I decide not to, but I'm probably gonna do this. So I have a gig on 420, which is five days from now, next Monday, or this upcoming Monday at this point. And I think I'm gonna do this series up until that date. Um, because that's like, you know, I said I initially said the the the Wednesday spot I had was gonna be one where I was gonna be like trying to get be as tight as possible because you know I'm I want to get booked more at the at Emerald City. This is the show Monday is my first booking with a group here called Cozy Comedy who produces a lot of stuff here, and it's the first show they've put me on. Um and yeah, I I really want to work with them more. They book a lot of like national comedians to come through town. They have Mark Marin and Gary Goleman, uh two, you know, of this time's greatest comedians coming through. So definitely want to do well and like show them that I'm someone that's reliable for their their paid opportunities. Um so yeah, so there will probably be two more sets and or two, yeah, one more set, and then it'll be that one. And I I don't know. I haven't decided if I'll do a post-game or not after that one, but we'll see. Thanks for rocking with me. On to the next one. I'm
Friday Set: Short Run And New Tag
SPEAKER_01gonna do it, yeah. Um right now. So we'll come back to the minute. You see me walking out of a whole food with a series as a section indicator. Um I love black love for the almost $50. Um what else are we talking about? Um yeah, I do like white women. Um pretty tastes like the croix, and then that's delicious. That peach a real freak or shit tastes like spinger. I think there's any better proof I really date white women than having a spinger joke. If you stay tuned, I'll figure one out of free two. Give me a couple more weeks. Um there's only one genre of white women I don't fuck with, and that's the white women who get whip injections, because that's equal to blackface to me. You're not flicking. Um this generation is cool. I was still gonna know where to know how many white women, excuse me, how many niggas are white women sitting with, uh, besides cutting her down and counting her rain. Because like, I don't know. I don't want to be one of the first niggas you date, because it seems like you're still trying to figure out. You haven't figured out whether that you like black people or haters' dads. Yeah. Have you guys ever been in a relationship and realized you were a base? You wake up one day and you're like, this house is too nice. You're trying to prove a point, aren't you? You should never be at home with a person filter. Um this might be too specific. This is too specific, okay? Um I also don't want to be the 80th nigga you say it, though, because at that point it just seems like you're doing research. You got some sort of like freaky, getting good all fantasy where you want a bunch of niggas to take you out to a forest and tie you up to a tree to take turns with you. No, you talked me into it. I went to the Amazon Spears for the first time this weekend. Uh if you don't know the Amazon Spheres across the street from home, there's a strip club. And I think Amazon should buy the strip club and also call it the Amazon Spears.
Car Notes: Editing Bits On Little Sleep
SPEAKER_01And we're back um yet again. I am here in my car. That was a cool set at Hello, that's a bus, at the Roadrunner open mic at uh postpike Georgetown. I'm very tired, y'all. That's mic number four this week. Fourth night I've gone out. Um and it's Friday, and I have a job, and it's uh you don't need to know how tired I am. Let's do the jokes. Uh I only did two, it was a pretty short set. Happy I got to run, Jang Good All Again. Um, let's see. I definitely the first part I'm happy with. Um I don't know if the part about gas prices is gonna stick. Cause that that I don't know about it. I think it might need I like the I love black love, but gas is five dollars. Um I think that works, but I don't know if I want to keep the part about Sarah driving a Tesla. Um I used the name Sarah today. Previously I used the name Samantha. I I'm I'm still figuring out which is the best fake white lady name. I'm not a hundred percent sure yet. I thought about asking the crowd before, but I knew I would be short tight on time for this set. That's again why I just came straight into it. I I did the whole uh diatribe at the very beginning in the first one about uh always doing I like to start my sets by, you know, uh talking about something present and in the room or doing something to make it seem like I'm not just jumping straight into material. But sometimes you only have three minutes and you really want to work the joke, so you're just like, fuck it, we're we're going on book. Um so that's explaining that. So yeah, after the first little thing, I blanked and I was like, What else are we gonna what else am I talking about? What's funny is I looked down at my notes while I I did that. I was like, hey, what else are we talking about? Then I looked at my notes and I didn't have any more notes. The notes I basically just looked at the word the title the word Jane Gadall, which is like what I knew I was doing. Uh um it's just uh interesting I just needed an excuse to look away from the crowd for a second, I guess, and I figured it out. Um so yeah, in terms of uh the LaCroix part, I think that probably didn't get the laugh it usually gets because of how uh clunky I came into it with. Um but the spendrift part I like. I tried Bridgerton instead of Emily and Paris for the uh you know, the white lady, the proof I know white lady joke. Um I think I'll probably go back to Emily and Paris. Bridgerton I feel is a little bit more intersectional, whatever the hell that means. I don't know, I just feel like Emily and Paris is more fun to say. Um so you heard me do the lip injections part, that's the part I mentioned. Uh I forgot to do yesterday, um, or last Wednesday, whenever, and it worked okay today. Um I think the wording just needs to be a little bit tighter and uh uh I need a tag for it. It needs just just one more thing after it to put a nice button on it. Like uh Y'all aren't slick is kind of the one I asked. I lived and that was serviceable, but um I don't know, I'm not gonna brainstorm now, but that needs a new um a new button on the end of it. But I I'm happy with it overall. Um more stumbling occurred. Uh the point about proving a point, you don't know if so I I kind of biffed the wording uh saying you don't know if you like black people or you hate your d hate your yeah, black people or you hate your dad. Um that's just one. There's some jokes where the wording is hard, and I'm just gonna stumble through that wording until I get it the rhythm perfectly. Um so that's that. But I don't know, that part I don't know if it's super relatable to people and it's also maybe just not that funny. I think the have you ever realized you're a phase gets a laugh if you wake up in a house, you know, it's too nice, and you're like I shouldn't be here. I don't know. I feel like that's kind of relatable. Y'all y'all ain't never been dating someone and you're just like, whoa, what am I doing here? Maybe I I could explain that more or I could find another um example. Cause like I said, I feel like the have you ever realized you're a phase? I think people related that, but maybe the specificity with which I laid out uh my experience is a little too specific, which I kind of acknowledged um as a little bit of a save. So we'll see. Um yeah, and I liked the wording. So in terms of for the word the wording for the Jane Goodall part of the NYSA, you know what, you've talked me into it. Um that's the first time I said it like that specifically, and I feel like it connected really well. Um I think if you heard me do it before, uh I think I say I think I usually say and you know what I'm in, but I'm saying, you know what, you've talked me into it. I I think I don't know, it sounds a little bit more I don't know. It's something about the rhythm of it, the music of it, I like a little bit more, and it seems like it worked more, so moving forward I think I'll do it a little bit more like that. Um and I don't think you guys have heard me do the Amazon Spheres joke. So it worked okay. The problem I think with the Amazon Spheres joke is so you you the listener probably don't know what the Amazon Spheres are because I didn't know before I moved up here, but they're basically these big ass glass spheres that like huge, like a couple stories high. Glass spheres in downtown Seattle that Amazon built, and there's like a cafe and like hella cool plants inside of it. Um yeah, and there's a strip club across them and they should call it the Amazon Spheres too, ha ha ha. It works pretty fine generally, but with the I I still haven't figured out the best way to get into it. And also I think I don't know, even for people who live in Seattle, how much they know about the Amazon spheres, because you know, the more artsy Capitol Hill folk aren't like gonna I remember I think I did it on Monday actually, yeah. Did I do it on Monday? I think I maybe did it on Monday. Yeah, I did it on Monday, and when I mentioned Amazon, the crowd was um kinda out on it. But uh Yeah, so I think not not everyone has seen it or is aware of it or cares about it, but I need a way to explain what it is that's funny, but because at the end of the joke I make the joke that, you know, they should call the the Amazon the strip club, the Amazon Spheres, evoking the image of boobs. I wanna when I describe what the Amazon spheres are, I try to do it in a funny way. Isn't describing them as boobs or balls, because if I describe them as balls, I I don't think it's gonna work as well. Um when I try and make them boobs. This is my art. Um So I don't know. There's a way maybe I could double up on boobs, AO. Um There's a way maybe I could double up on boobs, but I don't know. Uh yeah, that we need some work. In conclusion, they all need work, but we knew that going in. Um thank you for rocking with me. That's been the fourth mic of the week. The next that you hear is gonna be um my you know opening. I think I'm opening or featuring whatever. Doing 15 minutes is gonna be the most buttoned up uh set you'll have seen from me yet. Hopefully. I'll probably almost certainly do um the uh Cool Beans and also what was the other one I'm working on, the cookout one. Um Black Pinocchio. Um so you'll hear the most updated versions of those. Um and you'll also get to hear uh the the best uh the tenor. I mean those jokes are probably like three minutes in total. So you get to hear that and then the best uh other 12 minutes I have. Uh hopefully that'll be a nice treat to end, you know, uh to cap off an episode of or to cap off uh the series of me doing fine. I mean, I guess I've done well generally this week, but hopefully it'll be nice to see like a very buttoned up version of I said that again, but a very tight a tight 15 after all the general fucking around.
Feature Set: A Tight 15 Minutes
SPEAKER_03Okay, uh our next comic, uh originally from Atlanta, has come all the way over from the sea from the other part of the mainland of Seattle the U district. Would you please welcome Brent Belinda?
SPEAKER_01How are we doing the name? How are we? Thanks for coming out to the Unspoken 420 show. I'm addressing it. You're all the bulls. You want to smoke we do you? Edible? You guys do like an edible crowd. This is an edible and black the white wine crowd. These guys smoke though. You guys smoke for sure. These two are smoking for the rest of you. Don't worry. Uh I smoke uh a lot, but I don't have any jokes about it because it's serious. Okay. I'm happy to be here in West Seattle tonight. I moved uh from Portland a couple months ago, so I'm pretty new to Seattle. Um and so I've been learning a lot about the history of Seattle. And I don't know if y'all know this, but the West Seattle over here has tried to secede from mainland Seattle three different times. You guys know that, right? It's true. It's true, because the city, because West Seattle felt like they were being neglected on three different times, so they were like, fuck it, we're out. Which is so gun. That is so fun of y'all. I like to imagine y'all do secede and the divorce gets messy, but since West Seattle was first, it gets to keep the name Seattle. And we call everything else across the water North Tacoma. Learning about uh that little piece of history didn't make me nervous to come over here though. I won't lie. A bunch of white people talking about seceding? Let me. What's their platform? Hold on. I need more information now. I'm happy to be here. Having to be here in a place slavery never would happen, you know? Uh y'all probably can't relate to this at all. But it's nice to be in a place like Seattle where you know slavery was never even was never even happening here. And it's good because imagine how annoying y'all would be as slave owners, right? Like, hey DeMarcus. I just want to check my privilege as a white person and remind you that we're on indigenous land. Now, sorry, that's a little dark to start with. We'll get back to slavery, don't you worry. Like I said, I moved up here from Portland, Oregon, and I thought Portland was like the epicenter of white guilt in this country until I moved up to Martin Luther King County, Seattle. Y'all think all obsessed with him up here. You know that, right? Like MLK is on like the buses, on like the mail, and on the trash cans. I don't think that was the dream y'all. I mean, at least he's not on the water bounds with him on. It's it's weird, right? Because it's parasocial. Like, MLK's never been here. If you don't know y'all, like let go. Okay.
SPEAKER_00Here's my impression of Martin Luther King and the I Metter Dream speech if it happened in Seattle. You ready?
SPEAKER_02Yep.
SPEAKER_00However, damn, there's a lot of Asians.
SPEAKER_01I like to do my research for only jokes. So I removed it. I know K actually did come here once in the 60s. He gave a speech over at the University of Washington, and then he went to a bikini barista. Because that was his other dream. And we all we all agree here that it's a bad thing that Mokay was assassinated, right? Absolutely. But maybe. Maybe it was like best for his legacy that MLK died when he did it. Because we live in an age now where even the most respected and like intelligent individuals are willing to sell their reputation for like money and clout. And I would just hate to see MOK sink to the level of starting a podcast, you know. Use coupon code FreeALA!
SPEAKER_00You guys should listen to my podcast.
SPEAKER_01I am uh I am uh black. I am black. Uh that's the real problem. I don't want you to close your eyes and pretend I'm John Mullaney. I generally enjoy being black, but I'm insecure about the way other black people perceive me, so I've never been called a real nigga. Um you're white, you don't understand the gravity of being called a real nigga. Imagine if someone called you a glass act. That's your n-word, user-wise. And it's, I don't know. I I dream of one day being a real nigga. I'm kind of like the black Pinocchio, you know. It's like, I am a real nigga. And it's not that black people don't like me, it's just that I know myself and I know everybody, have you guys seen the office energy to the cookout? And most black people have never seen the office because they're too busy having culture. If you guys don't know what the cookout is, the cookout is like a hypothetical space where black people are all hanging out, drilling ribs, and listening to our fellow guilt-free. We invite the best black or the best white people there, only the best white people get invited. Uh, and the best white people are white boys who can dance, white woman with fat asses. And hair more. Figure out where you fit. Uh in this weird way, like the cookout only exists to invite white people to, you know. When I realized, I was like, oh, they got us again. Uh but I don't know. I think we should still have the cookout, right? I think we should have the cookout and invite as many white people to it as we can and rob them. Can I get a I'm originally from Atlanta, Georgia, obviously. I say obviously because Atlanta's where the big nigga is. Every black person you know is either born in Atlanta or went when they were 18 as a birthright trip. Atlanta is so black it's hard to get a good photo of it. Surprise some of y'all understand that one. But Atlanta's in the South. In the South, there's only two sexual orientations, right? They're straight and going to hell. Um so I moved out to the West Coast. I discovered all the different ways people sexually identify, and I gotta say, there's too many. I'm not saying whatever you're into sexually isn't cool or valid. I just feel like if you fuck tuna sandwiches, maybe you don't need a black, right?
SPEAKER_00I feel like maybe you should stay with my lunch, but I don't know about a black. I know I sound playfully homophobic, uh, but I do identify as pansexual because I'm attracting to getting attention. Don't care who it's from. A lot of you bigots out there don't understand the difference between bi and pansexual. To me, it's simple. Bye means two. So bisexual people want to fuck two things, men and women. Whereas I just want to fuck. I don't need all your information.
SPEAKER_01I also think I'm pansexual because like I'm a creative person, right? Like if you give me enough time, I can imagine a scenario in which I would fuck everybody in here. Come see me after the show. What I'm saying is if you're straight, you have no imagination, right? Because let's say I'm up here doing my jokes about how white people smell like baloney, and one of you and one of you crackers gets offended and comes and ties me after the show and takes me down to some train tracks and ties me over to the train tracks. Right before the train came and ran me over, if you saved my life, I would definitely fuck you. I'll fuck you, I'll blow you, I'll do whatever you want. If you save my ass, it belongs to you, Daddy. Uh the economy's not doing very well right now. So I'm back to dating white women. You ever see me walking out of a whole booth with a woman named Sarah? That is a recession indicator. Liquidate your ass. I like white women though, your pussy tastes like a croy. I think that's name. Like a little bit of flavor, right? You're like, is that peach? I don't know. You mean a real freak or shake tastes like spin thrift? You're like, damn sure. Do you got real fruit juice in here or what? Uh I don't think there's any better proof that I actually date white women than having a spinproof joke.
SPEAKER_00Give me enough time, I'll figure out an Emily and Paris joke, but I'm still working on it. Uh to me, the most fun part about dating white women, though, is trying to trick y'all into saying nigga. Uh you guys probably never tried this.
SPEAKER_01It's a lot of fun, right? You gotta wait until it's like a Saturday morning. You guys were cuddling in bed, you go out to get her some coffee, bring the coffee back, kiss her on the forehead, say, baby, you know I love you, right? She's like, Yes, baby, I love me too, hey, baby. You know I do anything. She's like, I don't need me say nigga. Because either she doesn't say, you know, like, oh, she's probably racist, or she says it, and that's hot. Okay. I like to keep up with what white people are doing, so I listen to a lot of NPR.
SPEAKER_00Uh recently on NPR they were doing a story about the Negro League. And if you don't know the Negro Leagues or Baseball Leagues that existed because white people are cowards. And as this white host said Negro over and over and over, it's starting to piss me off.
SPEAKER_01Because why can y'all say that one? You guys maybe say that one, right? Alright, on three. One. You guys know it's crazy? If I leave the city limits, when I do that part, they say it. It's always so I it's I just I didn't come up with a good comeback for it. Um but it's so confusing, right? Negroes are the same family as all the other words you can't say.
SPEAKER_00Negroes basically just nigga's uncle, you know. It's like nigga in a suit, yeah? It's like nigga with the job and get credit. I don't know.
SPEAKER_01Um it communicates all the same like racist messaging in like a more socially acceptable package. It's kind of like Nega, acoustic version. And I'll be honest with y'all, uh I have white friends. Yep, it's not my proudest talk about myself.
SPEAKER_00But I live here, I got a bunch of white friends, and half their names are Matt.
SPEAKER_01And being friends with white people is hard because for my white friends, I introduced them to so much cool like art and culture that they really love, and they've introduced me to cottage cheese. Doesn't feel fair. Well, let's say I was hanging out with one of my white friends, right? And we listen to like hip-hop or something, and he accidentally said nigga. Personally, I would think that's hilarious. Because like racism aside, white people, you sound funny saying nigga, right? Like, it's not supposed to come out of those tiny pink lips, you understand? For me, hearing a white person hearing a white person say nigga is kind of like hearing a cleaf. Um, you have two thoughts, right? Oh my god, that's adorable. And you should be ashamed of yourself.
SPEAKER_00So I can handle a nigga, but if before I came up here, Travis was like, and your next comedian is one of my favorite Negro comics in all of Seattle. This is one aggy mood for the give it up for Crick Relay. I would lynch him. That's fun to jump. Um I'm happy to be a black person in 2026 because I'm like a sensitive nigga, and I feel like being sold at an auction would have really hurt my feelings.
SPEAKER_01I kind of think the first slave box was probably like an episode of Shark Tank, you know? Just so that a guy walks in and he's like, Sharks, you know how picking cotton is hard? Now introducing niggas. And then one guy raises his hand and the guy's like, Yes, Thomas Jefferson. And Thomas Jefferson and Thomas Jefferson's like, are there lady niggas? And the guy's like, Thomas, you a freak! But yeah, we got the atrius, just don't be weird about it. Uh uh. And then Mark Two and raises his hand, he's like, Oh, three-fifths. Yeah. That is a three-fifth compromise joke. You don't see that every day, do you? You've never seen that shit. For all that's some MPR actually? That's the most Seattle compliment I've ever been used. You're so good. You should do radio. Uh if you don't know the three-fist compromise, it was a certain generous agreement white people came to back in the 1700s, where the North and the South agreed that black people could count on the census as three-fifths of a person, which I think is too low.
SPEAKER_00And to me, I don't know, the most fucked up part about it is like it shows how evil, like specifically evil white people are, right? Because I can't think of anything more fucked up than combining racism and fractions. Y'all are some nerds. So I've been black my whole life. Um one of the towns parts about being black is uh making stereotypes. I'm sure you guys don't know anything about that. But sometimes making stereotypes is cool, right?
SPEAKER_01Like if I want to play a pick of basketball and you are in Washington, I can get to a game expeditiously. And I'm not talking about like big pick for a team.
SPEAKER_00I mean when I want to play basketball here, I find a quote where 10 white people are already playing, walk up to it, point at the palest one, and say, go home, man.
SPEAKER_01And not only does he leave, but he gives me his shoes and apologizes. Like an ally. But sometimes I fly and uh I can be stereotyped there as well. Uh I get stopped by TSA a lot for random searches, which doesn't make a lot of sense to me because they're talking about black people. We're not really cut up for terrorism.
SPEAKER_00Um anything about black people, you know, black people are always late. And terrorism requires punctuality. Because you have to make your flight in order to crash it in the World Trade Center. And black people can never do that. If we would have tried to do 9-11, it would have been 9-12.
SPEAKER_01Yes,
Outro: Freestyle Tag And Fade
SPEAKER_01curve, fucking black. I want you to bag, I'm just gonna curve bullet, I'm with your bag, I want you to pay my leg, give me brain that's my green. I'm the brain, I'm the game, I'm the pain, I'm a brake, I'm fucking breaking on the day on the pick, you're like, I'm a king, I'm the pack on the pick up, yeah. Roaches on the driveway, ballin' like LeBron James. You niggas is Kyrie. White bitches like Miley. Like me, cuz I'm wifey. Why chid on a glass tray? Blackness of a spiky. Whiskey in my chai tea. Stepped a ring on her knees. Ask you nissy top me. I buy her some hermies. Baby, it's your birthday. Won't you have some brulee? Come and sit on my face. Even if it's time. Yeah, it's cram fucking roulette. Yeah, you can like or you can't hit. Yes, cram, fucking roulette. Yeah, you can like or you can't wait. Yes, cram, fucking roulette. I want you to bag, cause you look great. Yes, cram fucking roulette. And my bangs, and my shit wait. We have this cramp, fucking roulette.