Ep. 20: Messy Action Beats Perfect Plans

Perfectionism doesn’t always look like fear.

Sometimes it shows up disguised as “high standards.”

In this episode, Crystal and Laken unpack how perfectionism quietly keeps women stuck in cycles of overthinking, delay, and guilt. They explore why messy action is the antidote — and how lowering the bar just enough to start can build the self-trust and momentum perfectionism has been stealing.

Because confidence isn’t built through perfect plans.

It’s built through reps.

Follow along, tune in, and let’s get into your next mindset shift!

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Transcript

SPEAKER_01 0:00

Welcome to the Low and Slow Podcast. We're your girls, Crystal and Lakin. If you press play today, trust. You made the right decision.

SPEAKER_03 0:09

And know whenever you're listening to this, it's exactly the right time. We invite you to pull up a seat to the conversation, get curious about your current perspective, and lean in for the opportunity to see yourself in another woman's story.

SPEAKER_01 0:24

We created That Girl Magic because we've been where you are.

SPEAKER_03 0:28

Here, the talk is real and the breath is steady. Let's get into your next mindset shift.

SPEAKER_01 0:36

What's up, ladies? Welcome back to the Low and Slow podcast with your hosts Crystal and Lakin. And today we're chatting about perfectionism. We're chatting about where messy action is, we don't want to use always, but it is gonna beat the perfect plans that you have, the perfect picture in your head. And, you know, it's something that so many women, you know, me included, um, stay stuck in for a lot longer than what they need to be because, gosh, that the need to be perfect or um needing to show up or present or a certain way, or like these high standards that we've built for ourselves, but in reality are the things that don't feel good. It looks like the overthinking and it looks like the guilt and it looks like the inconsistency. It's like the very walls that we build in our mind wind up being our very barriers on the outside. So this is an important conversation today for the ladies, as is all our episodes. But this one today, uh, I think a lot of women will resonate with.

SPEAKER_03 1:40

Yeah, it's like if you find yourself often saying, We hear this a lot, I know what to do. I I'm just not doing it. All right, and then spends the rest of the day shitting on yourself about not doing the things that you know how to do, that is a pattern. And or it'll come up as like, oh, I need to get organized first, or I'll start, I'll start it when XYZ, right? When things calm down, or when the next season happens, or when I learn this thing, or um it that's the all or nothing, right? That we talked about in the previous episode of well, if I can't do it all to the fullest, then what's the point of even doing a portion of it or a little bit of it or starting it?

SPEAKER_01 2:20

Yeah. And any of those, if they sound like dang, uh that I just got a gut punch from Wicked and what you just said, like I've said that shit before. Um, great, you're in the right place. This conversation is for you. And you know, we want to say this up front for um a lot for a lot of you where this is resonating. It's not, you don't have a motivation problem. Every woman I talk to is just, I just need more motivation to do this. And it's not a motivation problem, it's a perfectionism problem. Um, you like what does this mean about you? You care, you give a fuck, right? You want the result that you're trying to achieve. And perfectionism comes in because we're just trying to do it on the first try, right? We're trying to get it right before you do the whole thing, right? It's like um it's not being able to scene messing up or not doing it in the right way.

SPEAKER_03 3:11

Yeah, so before well, we want to break down what perfectionism actually looks like, why it feels like it's keeping you stuck, and how just taking some action, even if that's messy action, can build trust and momentum way faster than just waiting to feel ready or waiting for you know the big celebratory thing, like we mentioned in in the last episode. So I want to talk about uh something personal, so it's not just theoretical. Right. For me, this used to show up in my routines a lot. So I would make really specific plans about, you know, how I wanted my regimen to go. And um, you know, I would wake up by a certain time and I would work out and I would journal and I would meal prep and I would, you know, batch my content for the week and I would do my programming and like all the things, and that plan would look really, really great in my mind. And then actual life happens, right? And there's things that come up with work or with clients or with other responsibilities, and and mental load can get really heavy sometimes, and emotional components can come in. And so by halfway through, if I missed one component of it, then my brain would say, like, oh, well, this week is a wash, right? So you just have to start again next week and hope for the best and like drill harder and make it like force it. And it wasn't because um I was giving up, or it was because I was lazy. It just felt overwhelming because it was really heavy. And instead of adjusting the plan, because I wasn't making that an option for myself, I just judged myself instead. And that's the trap that we see a lot of women falling into.

SPEAKER_01 4:57

Yeah. I think personal stories are really important here because again, we want to reflect back to you. Yes, we have all these episodes, yes, we have a woman's mindset coaching business, but it's, you know, you hearing another woman's story allows you to see that there's other people that are just a couple steps ahead of you that you can ultimately learn from and also see where it's like you haven't arrived. Like we're all learning and figuring out how to do these things. And, you know, because we have very two different experiences, like mine showed up in a different way. And I think it's a part of sharing your personal experience of where you can just own that, right? I used to spend a lot of time, and sometimes I still struggle with this of like I need to prepare, I need to uh do all the things um that ultimately have me right on the edge of doing the thing, and then I'll get to doing it, and it's like, oh wait, I'm not ready yet, right? And it's like uh so it's a lot of preparing and making it exactly how I want it before I actually just send it, full send it. And you know, this is something that was, you know, in a microform, like maybe visible, like visibility or um through vulnerability, right? It's like as I'm meeting these different or these new versions of myself, um, it's wanting me to get very clear on what exactly that version looks like first before I'm ready and open to share it, right? Because I need to know what each piece of that looks like. Um and where is that, like the deeper rooted things of that? It's like what? Because of fear of what judgment or um fear of what someone else, how someone else will perceive that? Is that even how I'm perceiving it, right? So um it's let me map out what this looks like, or let me test out what this energy looks like. Do I even like that? Let me get clear first. Um, and then you know, on the outside, it's like, okay, yeah, she's preparing. She's, you know, thoughtful, she's meticulous, right? She's um she's like intentional behind these things. But if I'm being honest, um that is also like fear on my end, dressed up as like preparing. I'm in constant prep mode, but when is it time to eat the fucking food? Right. It's like right. So um I think even with this, it's like it's as I'm starting as I was starting to get uh more familiar with these new versions of myself. It's I was waiting for the for the one that came along that said, okay, we're ready to full send this. And actually it's like that version's not here. It's in full sending all the messy versions, right? Or the version that actually just says, Well, this one's ready to show up today, send that one instead of the loop of like planning and refining, tweaking, you know, delaying doing all the things. Just can the version that's ready, like majority of the way ready to go, can you just full send that one and then do that in the in-between? Fine, retweet, fine, excuse me, refine, tweak, do all the things after you've already given yourself evidence that one can show up.

SPEAKER_03 8:02

Yeah, and being able to, if you see yourself in either one of those stories or a variation of it, right? We're we're gonna make this practical. So let's look at what perfectionism actually looks like. Because I think a lot of people associate perfectionism with over-organization, right? It's like everything is color-coded and I'm overachieving all the time. And it's like the keeping up with the Joneses model of, you know, oh, uh the version of that girl that we're kind of like toss that shit out of the window, right? Like she does all the things and her hair is always perfect, and she's always, you know, dressed very, you know, uh casual chic, right? Like effortlessly, effortlessly put together. Her home looks like nobody lives in it. Yeah. And um, her children are in all of the activities and extremely well behaved, and she's always got her meal prepped done and she doesn't miss any of her workouts, like all the things, right? And and that is one version, but a lot of women don't even realize that when they're dealing with perfectionism, it's because theirs looks messy and it can look like procrastination of like big starts and stops, of getting stuck in overthinking spirals, of like getting stuck in decision fatigue is a really big one, or like feeling guilty about rest, or constantly preparing, but not, you know, not sending the thing.

SPEAKER_01 9:23

Yeah. Yeah. And, you know, when that's happening, right? It's like sometimes that mental spiraling um over those tiny decisions is because your brain is so attached to the meaning of getting it right. Like, I think, you know, I'm very intentional about using the words right and wrong, um because that looks different for everyone. And I think that's the part that is like where the nervous system gets involved and gets triggered, right? Because if like if something was wrong to you, like right, if you're seen doing it messy, if you're seen uh messing up or not doing it perfect, right? It's like um like that's where it's like we start to create these things of like, whoa, well, what does that mean? And it's actually it doesn't mean anything, right? And that um if you can just start to ask, like, well, if I was less concerned about getting it right and I just did what I needed to to do for me at that point in time, right? Then I can like have at least some groundwork laid on where I can improve or where I can do different. Um, and I think it it's the fear of getting it wrong that that's where that perfectionism breeds and lives, and it feeds off of that, right? Because it's like, yeah, you want to get it right on the first time, but it's like, God, nobody everyone started in T ball where you put the fucking thing on the thing and then you hit it, right? It's like nobody just started whacking it out of the park.

SPEAKER_03 10:48

Um, but yeah, it's pretty yeah, that's I really get these like mummy spirals, and you know, uh I think a lot of it is perpetuated, it's really socially acceptable to decide, you know, I'm um I'm creating a better system for myself, or I'm just waiting for the right time, or I'm creating this exact plan, or I need to be more organized. I need to get all my shit together first. But meanwhile, nothing is actually happening for you to build positive momentum forward. And sometimes those things are true, right? It's not that that is never the case, or that you don't always need um timing to be a factor, that you don't always need more preparation, but a lot of the time that's just perfectionism that's manifesting as something else that's actually preventing you from taking the leap, from taking the action, from doing the thing that pushes you outside of that comfort zone from testing.

SPEAKER_01 11:45

Yeah. Yeah. And again, that's why I bring up the nervous system as like I want to make sure that we always bring that into the conversation because your nervous system, those feelings that you feel is going to react when doing something you've never done before. Your brain can treat um imperfection action, messy action as risk or as unsafe or as like, right? Because it's like the nervous system, I'm like, oh shit, this feels unfamiliar. I don't know about this, right? And so if you're already like overloaded or you're already um very aware about being seen making mistakes, maybe because they've been pointed out before, right? Um, it's gonna feel fucking unsafe to you, right? And I think if we can just start to normalize that at first, like when that's happening, um, and like call it out, that it's like, oh, okay, I get this feels really unsafe right now. And I think this allows not only you to be aware of that, but then others around you of like, oh, this feels really unsafe right now. And like, you know, how can I give myself better support here? Right. Instead of doing the thing, you overthink the thing. But if thinking feels it's like thinking is gonna feel safer than moving, then it's like, uh, can you be aware and call that out? So you're saying, okay, well, what do I actually need in order to move? Do I need some reassurance, right? Do I need some support? Do I need um do I need to dig at this a little bit more and peel back some of these layers of the onion so that the main thing that I'm wanting, which is just to do the thing, can actually still happen.

SPEAKER_03 13:21

But that's where we'll we'll create our own false reinforcement because thinking can feel really productive and planning can feel really productive and all like research can feel really productive, but you you can be mentally exhausted and still not move the needle whatsoever, right? You can just spin and spin in that place and tell yourself I'm doing all the things, and no action is actually being taken towards the thing that you're quote unquote working towards.

SPEAKER_01 13:47

Right. Which is why then like taking action is like labeled unsafe. And then like thinking about it, it's like, oh, okay, well, I'm still doing something for it. This is what's safe here, but it's like that that's part of that trap, right? And I think like the mental exhaustion is something to touch on with this, is because this is literally like you're doing mental gymnastics rather than just sticking the landing. You know what I mean?

SPEAKER_03 14:10

Like I Or just or not sticking the landing or just trying to do the movement and maybe landing on your fucking ass or your flat on your face and being like, Well, at least I tried and now I know what I need to change next time.

SPEAKER_01 14:21

Right. But that's what I mean. Like you're so worried about like sticking the landing that it's like then it prevents you from even doing it. It's like just do the thing, and if you fall, then that's okay. Like, do the thing, and then if you, you know, you take a step a couple steps off, right? Like we don't need to stick it every single time. And I think, you know, I have to remind myself of that often, but I think it's such an important point from our audience for our audience audience because um these women are doing everything at high capacity, right? And they're tired and and then they shame themselves from when they're tired and they're overthinking and not doing, and it's like it it just feels like this loop that they can't get out of.

SPEAKER_03 15:01

And it's like there's yeah, but they're they're tired from all of the thinking laps that they're running, right? That their brains running and not tired from from trying to do the thing, not um, and then they're telling themselves like, oh, it's so overwhelming, oh, I can't do it, it's too hard, right? But have you actually taken the step instead of just telling yourself all of the negative consequences that are gonna come up if you do it?

SPEAKER_01 15:24

Yeah, one line that really helped me as I was working on this, and I still repeat to myself till this day action dispels overwhelm. And it's like something so simple like that. But I remember when Mark said that to me and I was just like, Yes. Because anytime when I'm stuck in that overthinking loop, I say that to myself, and it's like it literally gives you the plan. Action dispels overwhelm. Okay, where can I just take one like one action step? Right. And then it's like, oh my God, yeah, that did take a little bit, like in my to-do list. Let's just one thing off of there rather than trying to get the whole shit done, right? So um let's talk about why people even get stuck in the first place because this is where we want to catch this at first. Um, it's like catching it at the root. It's not just um, it's not just the behavior itself that we need to be aware of. It's it's this is where we want to stop making it mean something about our character or our identity of like getting stuck is rarely about you being lazy. It's about it's a combination of your nervous system being overloaded, um, your identity, and then the learned patterns that have shaped what feels safe right now. And a lot of women are operating at full capacity, right? They're mentally, emotionally, physically, like their plate, we've said this before, looks like fucking Thanksgiving. And then they're trying to add something new that they've never done before, a new routine, um, maybe a new business, like some something that they're just like, oh, okay, like I'm gonna, I'm gonna try this, right? And so um then when doing that, it's like they're already overloaded and they're expecting to like just do like it's like they're expecting to do it as if they've been doing it for five years.

SPEAKER_03 17:13

Yeah, we touched on this in the in the last episode too, when we were talking about identity work, right? It's like they they want to add or aspire to the ideal version, not the realistic version. So it's not like, oh, I'm willing to move my body for 10 minutes. It's like I'm gonna go start this 60-minute workout program five days a week. And if I don't do that, then what's the what's the bother, right? Or it's like um outside of fitness, like it's not I'm gonna write for five minutes uninterrupted. It's I need to map out the whole, the whole project and like have it fully outlined and create all the content around it and and launch it, right? And have it before I even start. And so the plan, when the plan is too big for your current capacity, that's when you're not gonna be able to sustain it. And that's when all that shame response comes in because that's what we we be conditioned to do when we feel like there's something that's a failure because we've already overthought and overshot where we want to be. And anything falling short of that is like wah, wah, wah.

SPEAKER_01 18:15

And the thing is, is like shame is not neutral. Like, shame is gonna be the thing that creates resistance, shame is gonna make um your body less available for action because shame is a feeling and that's stored in the body, right? So that resistance that's happening or that um feeling in the body is gonna say, is gonna be like the thing that's like, see, like I must be the problem here because I feel this way, right? This is where like I I I feel like I say this till I'm blue in the face. Like, can we feel the feeling without making it mean anything about us? Like and we feel it long enough to just say, oh, this is actually what I'm feeling. If I can name it, I can like feel my way through it first before having it mean I'm the problem.

SPEAKER_03 19:00

And then when you when you identify as a problem, then that's when the identity gets involved. Right now it's not just, oh, this plan didn't work. It becomes I'm inconsistent, I don't ever follow through, I don't stick to anything. We assign a personal identity around it as opposed to just saying, oh, I tried this thing, it didn't actually work out for me, and I need to do something different. Right.

SPEAKER_01 19:21

And then when that happens, it's like fuck, this gets stored as a personal record, right? Like a like a record scratch in your nervous system. Yeah. And it's just like God, like this is I mean, it's like before you until you hear about it in this way of like, oh, that's what's actually happening when I'm doing that. Like, no, I don't want to be doing that anymore, right? Because it's like within your within your field, within your body, it's like we have all these ridges and marks of all like this negative shit, right? Where it's like this is where it like starts to make it's like it may, it's like throwing darts at your identity. But then when there's all these holes in it, it's like, well, where did these things come from? Right. So usually there's some like deeper things underneath that. And I let's name a few of them because um these are the ones that are common. These are the ones that hear the most. So like rest has to be earned, or that um, if I'm not productive, right, then I'm failing. Right. If my to-do list doesn't get done, then I'm failing. Um, I can't do a lot, um I can't do a if I can't do a lot, then that means um it doesn't count, right? Like she's saying, like if I don't do the 10-minute workout, or if I don't do the 16-minute workout and do 10 minutes, then that doesn't really count. Um if I start something and I don't finish it, then I'm inconsistent, right? Or if I move the bar, lower the bar, then I'm letting myself off the hook.

SPEAKER_03 20:53

Yeah. And that shit will run rampant. And if you get caught in those spirals, that it can run, it can run your whole life if you don't catch them, right? Because then, like you said, you keep collecting evidence that perpetuates those same stories over and over again. But if you were to think of it in a way that removes you, right, you are not the problem. Your strategy is too heavy for your current capacity where you are right now. So the strategy or the system or whatever it is that you're trying to apply to your life, that is the problem. And that kind of problem can be solved because it's not something that is like you're embodying it, right? It's something that you're applying that you get to iterate. And most likely you've created it in some form or fashion. That's the crazy part, right? It's like we we create these systems and we put them into play and we decide that has to be the way that it works, as opposed to, oh, if I can look back at it and come from it from a very empowering point of view as opposed to a disempowering point of view and say, I created this system and so I get to change it because it's my life.

SPEAKER_01 21:55

Right. And that line alone can change how people start to talk to themselves. I mean Listening to this episode, right? Because there's a big piece of this work that is the embodiment part. And if we're embodying disempowered shit and then expecting to get a different result from that, I think it's it's the embodiment part is some is the hardest part when it's not the right information, right? Like I don't wanna I don't wanna embody the disempowered things. I want to embody the pieces of myself that do feel empowered. But it's like this is where the disconnect happens. If you're having trouble embodying the thing, right? It's like, well, there's usually like it's what are we feeding ourselves here, which is why we do story work, which is why we get accurate about what are the things that we're saying, right? Because then then you can stop making it about your worth or stop making it about your identity, and you can actually really solve the issue is like it's what what the information we're feeding.

SPEAKER_03 22:51

Yeah. So instead of layering more and more self-judgment on top of it, it's like, okay, well, what if we just tried a lighter lighter strategy or uh an adapted strategy to what's going on right now? So let's talk about it and how it shows up in the in the cycle, right? Um because the thing that is helpful, and the reason that we map these out for you guys is because once you can identify the cycle, then you can stop getting hypnotized by it because it creates awareness and familiarity with okay, what is the next thing that's happening? The reason why this keeps occurring is because we want certainty. And so when that familiar loop comes back around, it's like, oh, this kind of feels good because I know that it's coming. But when we don't pan out and look at it at a distance, then it just keeps happening to us as opposed to us being like, hold on, stop that shit for a second. It's like stop the record. I want to, I want a different song. So it usually goes like, all right, I'm gonna set an ideal plan, right? That um is usually put upon me by view comparing myself to someone else. And then I'm gonna make it really big because that's the only thing that's going to be worth it to me, or that's the only thing that's going to directly reflect success. Yeah, for myself. And then I'm gonna feel overwhelmed. And so then I'm going to avoid it, then I'm gonna feel guilty for avoiding it, then I'm gonna judge myself because I'm not doing the thing that I said I was gonna do, especially if I proclaimed it in any type of public way or to anybody else. And then I'm going to restart another ideal plan because obviously that one didn't work. So I need to put in place a different one, but it's still gonna be too far out there. And then I'm just gonna rinse and repeat that vicious cycle and like keep shitting on myself and keep deciding, oh, well, it's if it's not that, then it's this. And if it's not that, then it's this. And it's like, take a beat.

SPEAKER_01 24:42

Yeah, touch grass because fuck, that shit is exhausting, right? And it and it it creates the feeling, right? The feeling of I'm giving all this effort and I'm not getting the results that I want, right? I'm not getting the res I'm not consistent, right? It's like the it creates the feeling that's lacking the results of consistency, which is what you're actually wanting. You're always about to start, or you're always like resetting. Reset, yeah. You're always planning a comeback, like it's gonna be so much better this time, right? Or I'm trying again, right? Or um, I'm gonna try again on Monday, right? And every time that you restart, it can feel hopeful. It can feel like for a second that um like okay, yeah, I'm I'm gonna decide different this time, until it starts to feel that like this is the proof of all the areas of wait, wait, where I didn't follow through. Where I like it become, it's what once was once a restart for you starts to be the evidence of the thing that holds you back even further.

SPEAKER_03 25:45

Yeah. And that's the dangerous part. That's what we talk about about collecting the evidence that works against you because the cycle starts to train your identity and tells you, you know, I'm incapable, but it's because you keep using unsis unsustainable plans as your metric that you're measuring yourself against.

SPEAKER_01 26:05

All right, and it's very easy to fall into this. Like, this is not something, again, this is not something that you consciously do until you start to see it. And then you're like, oh, like where else? Like a number one question I ask my clients is like, okay, we identify something. I'm like, well, where else is this showing up in your life? Because nine times out of ten, it's showing up in multiple places. And I think sometimes that's the thing that kind of makes us feel like shit about it, of like, oh, I'm doing it here and I'm doing it here and I'm doing it there. Why? Because all of these specific areas are like contaminated. Um, and then like, you know, once we identify this, right? Like the thing that is creating the unsustainable plan, right? Let's say even like your rest, right? Like how you're what you do with this information once you know it. Um, it's all the shit that's stored in the back of your mind about doing everything and and you're not doing um, like everything that you're not doing, it creates this cloud over your head and everything that you should be doing, right? This is where you should on yourself. And all of that in between, that's not like when you're resting per se, like that's not actually resting. It's not restorative, it's not replenishing in any kind of way. It's it's keeping you in the place that just keeps reminding you all the shit of that you're not doing.

SPEAKER_03 27:20

Yeah. And the goal is not to create the perfect plan. The goal is to create a plan that you can actually do on your worst day, right? Like like identify where it is that you are nine out of ten confident that you could access this, you could do it, you could execute on it, no matter what came your way, and then work from there.

SPEAKER_01 27:43

Yeah. And, you know, I think that's when when we do that, that actually is the thing that creates the pivot for us because it's like I think women hear all the time, like lower the bar, or like, you know, um, you know, you're you're like you're doing too much kind of thing. And it's like actually, that doesn't mean that you like just by doing that, that that means you don't care or like your efforts are not enough. That just means you're building something that is that actually is repeatable or sustainable for you, right? It's like can we can we stop like shitting on ourselves for doing the thing that's not even realistic and give ourselves the opportunity to try something that's realistic so that we can like celebrate the thing that we're doing? Like, I don't I I think if you were to um if you were to do something and you know that you couldn't fail, like asking yourself that question, like what I know that I will do this, and that's gonna give me it's kind of like um um what am I thinking of? Like with Mario, like the little mushroom, like uh taking that next jump from the thing in the air, the little pallet in the sky, right? And he knows he's gonna eat it. It's like, can I do that, making sure I I know I can do that and and collect that coin or whatever it is, rather than jumping to the one all the way on the end and I might die and then lose a life, right? Like, can I just take the one that I know I'm gonna get that and then I can still keep going with that? Because then it's like you're you're not so worried about being so much of a risk then, and you can like build something that's repeatable, that's sustainable, that is you something you can build momentum with rather than like having to just re go back to start at the beginning every single time.

SPEAKER_03 29:27

Yeah, like stop stop idolizing only the things that you view as impressive.

SPEAKER_02 29:36

Repeatable beats impressive.

SPEAKER_01 29:39

Yeah. Yeah, I think, and and that's also the part of it where it's like as you're doing the thing, uh the messy, can we just release the messy shit being like it's probably it's not gonna be impressive, but what makes it impressive is all the messy stuff in between. Like it doesn't, it's not like that's all the unsexy shit, right? It's not perfect right away. But like why why does messy action actually have to be impressive? It's uh my my singing teacher said this to me where she's like, all the things that we practice are it's not meant to sound good, right? It's like you want the song to sound good when you perform it, right? But it's like all the practice and the teaching, like that doesn't actually sound good right away. And then, but you have to do all of those, the warm-ups, the we I mean, we'd be doing some weird sounds, right? Um, in order then to exercise that voice in order then when I sing it, then to hit hit it and nail it. So it's like, I don't know, I just think of that analogy here because it's like the messy action. I think people think again, it has to be perfect. And the messy action means messy parts, the chaos, the sloppiness, maybe like um the low sl the low standards. Like that's what they think a messy action is. And messy action, it doesn't mean that it's careless or like it's not intentional, right? It is intentional. It's just uh without perfect conditions. It's it's it's coloring outside the lines a little bit so that you can see what actually like what those lines even are, right? And what's the next thing that you need to do in order um be what's the next thing you need to do rather than just feeling really ready to do it?

SPEAKER_03 31:23

Yeah, it can sound like, you know, I I always go to James Clear's Atomic Habits where he talks about the two-minute rule of that book. You can do anything for almost almost any human can convince themselves to do almost anything for two minutes. It's like, what could you commit to for just two minutes? Or like, what is the simplified version? Can I make this simple for myself? What is what can I do imperfectly today? Right? How can I worry about building consistency later? It's it's like I'm never gonna do more if I can't just start with where I actually am right now.

SPEAKER_02 32:03

Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.

SPEAKER_01 32:05

Gee. And that's the piece that ultimately builds that nervous system safety because your body is actually learning, okay, I can take action here without having to overwhelm myself. Like I think I resonate with this so much, it's like if I overwhelm myself, it's actually asked backwards, right? Like it's like I need to overwhelm myself with all the things I have to do, but then that doesn't allow me to take action. And then I'm upset at myself for taking not taking action. But it's like, oh, I can take action here without overwhelming myself. Can I, what can that look like? And then I can move forward without forcing or like trying to prove against myself. I think that's why that this is like an innate thing that we do, because we want to prove to ourselves, like, no, I can do it, I can do it. And then you're over here like pissed at yourself that you're not doing it. Um, I it's also like a survival thing, right? That I could show up in imperfect, exactly how I am, and still be okay. Whoa. Uh shocker.

SPEAKER_03 33:09

Yeah. And uh, I also think a common misconception is that messy is undisciplined, but messy action is still requires discipline. And people think, you know, discipline is only intensity, but that's not the case. Like real discipline is repetition, real discipline is keeping promises to yourself over time, real discipline is showing up in a way that is sustainable because it requires repetition, it requires that that continuity to be able to apply it across different um external loads, right? Repeatably. And so to say that messy action doesn't represent discipline is doing it a disservice.

SPEAKER_01 33:51

Right. Well, I think that what people associate discipline with is perfectionism, which is why that messy action feels like it's not discipline, but it is. And this is where it's like rewriting it, like even if it's messy. I mean, you tell me this all the time like it's done is better than perfect, right? It's like that's still discipline. You still did the thing every single day. And perfectionism is often disguised as like control, right? Because again, going back to I want to do it right, uh, I'll move once I know I have this result or I have the desired outcome, or um like I have to know that I'm gonna do it right and guarantee that I don't feel the discomfort of doing it wrong. Right. And that's not what's really action. That's what's the limbo, the waiting, the um it's like it's experiencing discomfort up front. And if you took action, like I don't know, you don't know for sure if that's gonna be discomfort on the other side of it. It's like you're it's like you're anticipating the discomfort, and by not doing the thing, it's like you're inflicting it upon yourself.

SPEAKER_03 34:56

Yeah, like the concept of failing forward, right? That they're like, there is no losses, there's only lessons. All of those, essentially at the root of it, it's just you have to be able to do the thing in order to either learn to do it better or to celebrate doing it the way that you wanted it done. And a lot of women stay in that waiting period and then and then they shit on themselves for it of like, oh, I'm just an overthinker, oh I I just you know, I'm not ready. All of that. No, you don't you don't need all of that. You just need you just need reps.

SPEAKER_01 35:25

You just need to try. Or like, or them telling them, like, I don't know, I don't know, I don't know. It's like, no, you fucking know. You fucking know, and it's the pieces of what it's the discomfort pieces of of what you do know that you don't want to take action on that keep you telling yourself, I don't know, and that also doesn't feel good, right? Um I think you know, one more thing here uh messy messy action also helps you get um like feedback faster, data faster. Um because when you're acting, then you're learning, like everyone wants to like when they say like practice makes perfect, right? It's like I hate that line because again, we're that perfection, the conditioning of that perfectionism has always lived here, and that's what the goal is. It's like no, like practice, practice, practice, or like I feel like instead of perfect, it's like practice failing actually, so that you're not so scared of failing. And then when you when it feels when it's failing or it's like, oh, you tried, right? It's like I could just see what needs refinement here. Like I can see what actually needs to be changed, what's working, what's not working. And then like the idea of failing wouldn't be this thing that we fear so much because it's like that's what actually happens when we overthink. It just keeps putting us back into that loop.

SPEAKER_03 36:48

Yeah, I think instead of practice nice perfect, it's like practice practice actually makes comfort because the more that I practice something, the more I can get comfortable with something new that I wasn't comfortable with before. And it doesn't have to be perfect, it just has to be something that I can get my mind around or that I can celebrate a win with, or that I can um regulate my nervous system around, and then I can move to practice it a little bit further in like a more um progressed version, right? It's like action is what creates the clarity faster than any of the overthinking does.

SPEAKER_01 37:18

Yeah, I know I think of um I this is a really good example of like athletes or just even um like somebody uh shooting a basketball, right? You keep shooting it, you should it doesn't go in, but you don't leave on that, you don't leave on uh not getting it in, you leave on getting it in or like a skateboarder, right? Like they're not worried about fucking falling or failing or not nailing the thing. They keep trying it over and over and over. But it even just that word like practice makes perfect, like God, how many times have we heard that? Just rip that shit out of our mind. It's like a weed that keeps regrowing, and it's like, oh, by practicing, I'm actually getting I'm getting more comfortable with doing I'm getting more comfortable with trying. I'm getting more comfortable with action.

SPEAKER_03 38:01

Yeah, it's something that also happens with um with age as a result of anticipated consequences, right? So think about this like the things that kids are willing to do versus adults, right? Because I I think back to like um when I was learning to do any type of physical, physical sport or skill, I was willing to fuck up a lot more at a younger age because I didn't have the experience or the exposure to know what the consequences could be. So I was willing to mess up really quickly and recover really quickly and be like, oh, well, like dust it off, try it again, whatever. And that didn't work out, right? It's like, oh, because we're constantly like little sponges of like feet learning that feedback and iterating as we go. And then as we stack more and more perceived consequences, that's when the overthinking comes in of, oh, I'm not sure if I want to do that because I might hurt myself. Oh, I'm not sure if I want to do that because people might laugh at me. Oh, I'm not sure if I want to do that, because so and so will have this to say about me, right? And it's like, can we go back to accessing that version of ourselves that was just happy to try and regardless of what happened or the outcome of it in that moment, was able to take that and move forward from it before we ever knew to worry about um external judgment or shame or or you know that failure was a bad thing, because that's all taught to us. That's all like impressioned on us. It's like, can we can we look at how fast we were able to gain traction in those things and we were willing to just fuck up and move forward as opposed to how slow and how long it takes us to do things when we get stuck in these loops?

SPEAKER_01 39:40

Yeah. And I think this is an important part to make of when we think back to like when when we didn't give a fuck. And if when you go back to that, it's like you can't like this, this is where like a lot of that work lies, right? Like, were you able just to fuck up and not be scrutinized about it? Right. And I think that's where it's like if that's happening to you as an adult and that was what that looked like in childhood, like that's a really beautiful place to work with because now you like now you're grown. The consequence is not there in the same way that it was when you were a child.

SPEAKER_03 40:12

No, right?

SPEAKER_01 40:13

Or when you last experienced that. Well, right, it's bigger, but I'm saying like you get to, you are the one that's deciding what the consequence will be now. Right. It's like then it was like maybe that and this is for like what I'm saying of like someone who um like couldn't free like wherever they go back to, couldn't freely have consequence and still do the thing. If that's where that's rooted from, like I know personally that's where that's rooted from for me, it's like, well, I'm also the only one giving myself that consequence anymore because that's stopped. Right. And um yeah, I I just think it's like important to note that where it's like kids, yeah. We can just I I mean like we can just try things and like who cares, right? But if it goes back to where that shame was first like breeded and the consequence was first breeded, like that's a really good place to start working with, and that's like where like inner child work comes and and where you can start to like repattern some of those things with like that's why you see so or not you see so many, but this is why a lot of adults like want to try things that give themselves a new experience of what maybe they were ashamed for when they were younger or um try the thing. Like there is grown ass adults out here, and it's rare that you s that you find them. Um, but like let's say around like riding a bike, right? Like if you maybe they don't know how to ride a bike or swim, right? Because they have an experience from when they were younger, right? And it's like it even in that as an example, like that could be a thing that you tr that you try and that you do now that ultimately like helps you break that pattern because it's something that you're taking from a time where there was consequence and bringing it into the forefront now and like healing that in a way where it's like there's gonna have to be consequence here. You can you can take action on it. Yeah. Like those are like the two I think of like swimming and riding a bike or like rollerblading.

SPEAKER_03 42:08

Yeah, I was gonna say like something that's like um I like to call them like chosen risk sports. Right. I think about when I was learning a snowboard in like high school, like I didn't give a shit. It was like, all right, like everyone falls. Yeah, I'm gonna go. Well, I'm gonna I'm willing to go to the terrain park and like do jumps and like jump off the ski lift and like do all this reckless shit, right? Because it was just like, oh well, like I'm learning and like I'll figure it out as I go. And and then like as I got older, now if I go, I'm like, oh I gotta, you know, I gotta be worried because if I if I fall or I break my wrist, how am I gonna work? Like we have all this, all this, all this patterning that comes in where it's like we have all these these risks that we perceive that get bigger and bigger and bigger. And at the end of the day, it's like we'll we'll make it work if we're willing to just try and surprise ourselves. Um, but yeah, to your point, I think it's something that's worth looking at when if you were to think back on, okay, could I could I reflect on a time, ideally the first time that I can recall where failing meant something really bad?

SPEAKER_01 43:15

Yeah. Yeah. Or when's the la I mean, just even the questions like, when's the last time that you were able to fail and everything was okay? Yeah. Right? Or like when's the last time you were able to fail and there there wasn't consequence? You can go in in both ways, like you're saying. Like, when's the last time that you you failed and something was really bad? Or when's the last time you can think of, right? And a lot of times when we can't think of something like that, that's where it's like rooted probably in childhood or rooted.

SPEAKER_03 43:43

Oh, I'm saying like when when it was projected on you, right? Like, like you're when you're talking about um inner child work of like, oh, can you recall the first time that when you failed, it was projected onto you that something like it was really bad, like it was uh judged or there was shame that you should. Felt because you failed.

SPEAKER_01 44:02

Yeah. Well, yeah, yeah. No, I I know what you mean. I'm I'm saying the alter uh another side of that of like when's the last time you failed and and everything was okay? Like, for example, a smaller form, like the snowboarding, right? Of like, I'm learning here, right? And that sometimes if we can't pick one of those out, that's where we then go back to this question of like, oh, okay, where did this come from? Oh, well, you know, my dad taught me how to ride a bike, and you know, I I ne like he was, you know, mean about it or yelling at me or screaming or like driving, right? Like, and then it's like, oh, I never wind up learning how to do that thing then because Yeah, like I got my ass beat because I couldn't ride my bike without training wheels.

SPEAKER_03 44:39

So it's like, well, what's wrong with me?

SPEAKER_01 44:42

Yeah. So I'm like, and and this is like where I'm I'm just giving like those examples because I've I've heard that from um some adults or like just even like just in people sharing their story around like things that you would think uh they would know how to do, but there's like deeper rooted stuff underneath that, or like swimming is like a big one. You see these little kids out there like just being thrown into the water and flipping all around. But like if you didn't have that experience, now what does that do? It creates a fear. It's like, oh no, I can't swim.

SPEAKER_03 45:11

Right, right. And that's usually because you're told at some point to be afraid of the water. And we're not actually ah, that's interesting. I have to look at some studies on that. I don't know if we are inherently fearful of water, because technically we're not very good swimmers.

SPEAKER_01 45:26

But we were also in there. I mean, I think it it's it becomes if it's like I think that's why people start so young, right? Because it's like there was, you were, you were in water. You were in water. Oh, yeah.

SPEAKER_03 45:36

When people start infant swimming, it is wild what they're what they're capable of.

SPEAKER_01 45:40

Wild.

SPEAKER_03 45:40

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 45:41

Yeah. I was not an infant swimmer. Were you an infant swimmer?

SPEAKER_03 45:45

Uh no, no, not an infant swimmer, but I was definitely in the pool at a very young age, and I was definitely, it was definitely very much like a sink or swim situation. Like, we're throwing you in, you're gonna figure it out. It's like surprise, surprise, ladies and gentlemen. Moving right along. Like, throw her in and see what happens. And I was like, well, yeah, spoiler alert, I made it, I didn't drown. So let's let's go into like some practical application for this, right? Like a framework of if we were to reframe this to making lowering the bar positive and then raising the reps as opposed to the bar being the goal. So if you're doing that in that way, you pick a goal, right? Not the fantasy version, not not the most idealized pedestaled version, but wait, I need to pause because I'm laughing at this in my head.

SPEAKER_00 46:44

Lowering, I need we need to say that slower because if my mind just went here, majority of our listeners' mind went there. Lowering the bar, raising the reps, not like as you're saying that, I'm like, oh yeah, raising the roof.

SPEAKER_01 46:57

Like naturally, our mind wants to go to raising the bar, raising the the threshold, the ceiling, and no, can we fucking lower the shit first?

SPEAKER_03 47:05

Yeah, we're lowering the bar and then stacking reps on top of that lowered bar as much as possible.

SPEAKER_01 47:11

Right, uh effort. And I'm like, in my mind, when you even though I consciously heard you say that, it's like I hear, yeah, raising the roof, raising the thing. And it's like, no, it's actually fucking backwards. And if anyone else, I guarantee you, other people listening to that also thought that. But okay, go ahead.

SPEAKER_03 47:26

Lower your bar and then stack. How about stack your reps on top of it? Does that resonate better?

SPEAKER_01 47:32

No, let's keep raise the reps because I think that's just like I just I needed to point that out because I just know that like I don't know, even just.

SPEAKER_03 47:40

So they're cognitive bias. It's like when we hear one thing and we're like, yeah, that's what that means. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. So it's like pick the goal that feels realistic again. What's a nine out of 10 on the confidence scale that like you can do this shit tomorrow? And then ask yourself, like, what am I actually trying to build here? What matters most right now? What is one non-negotiable that would move me forward? Ideally, like, we're getting rooted in your why, right? So if you're saying, I want to get healthy, what does that actually mean right now? Not like the version of you that you're manifesting in, you know, a year from now, five years from now, whatever. It's like, what does that actually mean for you right now? How would you want to see that applied in your current day-to-day life? Does that mean more energy? Does that mean being able to play with your kids without, you know, being pain free and like getting down on the ground? Sleeping the whole thing. Does it it mean like cooking a a couple more meals than you currently are or eating, eating less? Yeah. Yeah. Like pick the real thing.

SPEAKER_01 48:37

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Pick the real thing. Um, that's I think that's so undervalued because it's like, again, you want the result rather than like the thing that actually works for you right now. Um, and this matters so much because like a lot of women that skip this step, right, in picking the real goal or um allowing yourself to just choose what again, the like what's on that lowered bar. Um, they have they start performing as an ideal uh instead of supporting the real need. And this is where it comes back to of like majority of women not knowing what they need, right? And and like saying, like, well, what it's like I need a full morning routine. Well, what is that actually saying? Like, what is the real need there? It's actually, well, I just need a moment that I have to myself before my entire fucking house wakes up, right? And I just need to sit my tea on the couch and not be disturbed by anyone. Like, I need peace, I need silence, I need like if the line is like, I need this grand thing, can we start to pull it back a little bit um so that we can identify what's the real need there? Like, I need slowness in my fucking morning. I need to not start when my nervous system is on a hundred. I need to not touch my phone for 10 minutes. I need to start with a walk. I need to snuggle my dog, whatever it is.

SPEAKER_03 50:00

Yeah. So step one is pick the real goal, not the idealized version, the real one. All right. And then step two, we're gonna shrink the action until it feels obvious. Like, like shrink it to the point where it's like, oh, then that seems too small, or oh, that kind of seems obvious. Or it's like that, oh like no one's gonna care about that. You're right. You need to care about it. That's the whole point, right? It's like make it so small that your your brain can't set off that bullshit meter. That's what I always say when clients are like, when we're crafting affirmations and when we're checking translations for believability, I'm like, does it set off your bullshit meter? Is there that voice in the back of your head that's like that's just not gonna fucking happen? Okay, then that means it's too big, right? It needs you have to have the buy-in. So, for example, that two-minute rule, like two minutes of movement, one paragraph or one sentence in your journal, right? Five minutes of just like a cleanup of one room in your house if you're feeling like the chaos is in intruding on your act, like your brain, right? Sending one email or drafting emails even can help to declutter some of the brain. One glass of water before having your coffee in the morning, reading one page of a book or one chapter or whatever feels most digestible for you, right? It's it's if your brain is saying that's too small, congratulations. Then your perfectionism has entered, you know, the chat and you're gonna get attuned to something different.

SPEAKER_01 51:26

Yeah. And this is where we really want everyone listening to recognize what your internal dialogue looks like, your self-talk, because that perfectionism or that perfectionist voice, the one that says, like, girl, this don't count, like that is like okay, and right, like, great, good job. You want a cookie, that kind of thing. Like, but the truth is if if it is repeatable, right? Um, duplicatable in another, like the same this same moment tomorrow, the next day, the next day, then that's going to be the thing that builds evidence, right? It counts. If um, if it keeps the promise alive, like that keeps that why as the main focus, then it counts.

SPEAKER_03 52:09

It's like you got you to test it across all different in inputs, right? Like when shit hits the fan.

SPEAKER_01 52:16

Yeah. I mean, think about like um like a plant, you know, when you when you put the right soil and you give it the sunlight and you water it, right? It's like these are the basic things that it needs in order to thrive. And yeah, it can't control the weather and all the conditions around it, but like these are the minimum things that it needs in order for it to even have a starting point to grow on. And if we don't identify what's the small things like the non and I I hate to say like the non-negotiable needs, because it's like that's a lot. That's even that even that is open-ended, but like the small things that absolutely are necessary, then it's like, how do we expect it to even gain momentum to grow bigger?

SPEAKER_03 52:59

Yeah. All right. So step one is pick the realistic goal that meets you where you are. Step two is shrink the action until it feels obvious. So it doesn't set off that bullshit meter. And then step three is to define the minimum win. So this one's huge because the minimum win is the floor, not the ceiling, right? We mentioned that in the last episode. So if I do this, then it counts, right? Not moving the goalposts after you do it and being like, okay, that's cool, but I could do this better or not. Well, I only did XYZ. No, you did the thing and it counts. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.

SPEAKER_01 53:34

Yeah. And this is where the self-trust is starting to get rebuilt, right? Because a lot of women are here aren't just struggling with the action piece of this. They're struggling with the fact that they feel like they're not letting anything be enough, right? Or they're not, they don't have like the proof to show for it, right? But it's like, can you allow what you're doing to be enough so that you can start to trust that like if it's so small that okay, I'm doing this and like that's enough, and I can keep going with this so that I can build momentum. It's like I need to, I need to, I need to give myself credit for where I'm actually taking action rather than like where I want to be taking action like ultimately in the future, right? So if you walked five minutes and your brain said, Yeah, but you should have done 30, or um, that's not 10,000 steps, right? That's not discipline. That's self, like that's it's like it's shitting on yourself. It's shitting on yourself for not the end result, but like the effort that you put in to get there, right? Like just give yourself credit for what you're actively doing. Um, even if it's not, even if it's not perfect. Again. If it doesn't feel perfect, that's actually good.

SPEAKER_03 54:54

Decide the minimum win up front. Don't do it as you go, because naturally you're gonna be inclined to be like, oh, does that really count? Oh, I don't know. It could probably be better as you're as you're doing it. You're literally your brain's going, oh, I could do better, right? Don't do it as you go. Do it up front, and then keep your promise of celebrating it. The next step is removing the perfection rule. So all the old loops that you used to run, there needs to be some awareness around that. And then let's name some of the rules that we're looking to remove, right? The whole, like, oh, it it doesn't have to be long, or it doesn't have to be pretty, or it doesn't have to happen at the same time every day, or it doesn't have to feel good to count. It doesn't have to be my best work, right? Like these are all the things where we need to start to reprogram that because a lot of people will fail because they they follow these hidden rules that they never challenge, right? We've talked about that before like where does that come from? Where does that messaging come from? Why, why is that the voice that you're hearing?

SPEAKER_01 55:53

Yeah, and sometimes those rules, right, they come from those old conditionings. That's like the outdated stories, the, you know, it comes from all this thing that we had like in school or in work, in our family dynamic and sports, like it's the stuff that you learn that only the efforts that are polished and that look um perfect, right, are the ones that get prayed. And so now like the imperfect things feel like invisible or unsafe, or they don't like they don't feel like they matter. They matter. All your efforts fucking matter, and can you start to recognize like giving yourself credit as so rather than thinking that it needs to be uh perfect in order to be praised, right? That's why this work is deeper than just being productive or being disciplined. Like this is identity work because these are the things that have been pressed, like these have been these have been the things that have been pressing up against your identity. And so we're having to like rewire what that looks like. We're having to like undo. Like this is where it's called the unlearning, like unlearning all the things that you uh have made it mean about yourself.

SPEAKER_03 57:06

Yeah. So we picked the goal, realistic one. We shrink the action down to meet us where we are, we're defining that minimum win up front so that way we can celebrate it according accordingly. We're analyzing old dumb rules that we had around it that we're tossing out the window. And then we're gonna build a simple anchor. So this is where um, if you are someone that has previously identified as struggling with consistency, look at the things that you are already doing on a consistent basis and it's already essentially in that default mode. And then can we attach that? Again, this is habit stacking, right? So can we use that as an anchor? So, for example, after brushing your teeth, before after brushing your teeth. Um, if you have a morning coffee every day, how can we surround something with that? Can we do it in a transition time, whether that's when I'm transitioning from home to work or work to home, right? Something like that. Um, before dinner, if you have dinner around the same time each day or a part of your bedtime routine. So anchors help to reduce decision fatigue because you don't have to decide when the thing's gonna happen every day. If we already have something that's on our default mode that's happening every day, you're more than likely gonna follow through on those. So then can we attach something to it? And again, the more that we create that ingrained pattern, then that becomes the new default mode.

SPEAKER_01 58:21

Yeah, and anchors are gonna be supported. Um, anchors are supporting an overloaded brain, right? There it's taking the mental load down and it's becoming less of like, I need to remember to do my habit that I'm putting in place, right? And more of like, oh, this is just what I'm doing after I do this, right? Like, I know after I brush my teeth, okay, I normally wash my face. And then, you know, it's like again, it just becomes the becomes the next, the next step rather than like, oh, check, I'm doing this thing.

SPEAKER_03 58:52

Or um trying to figure out what to do, right? When you already have a lot of decision fatigue, trying to be like, oh, like what's the next thing that I'm supposed to do? It's already stacked with that thing, right? Or when do I do this thing? When can I put it in my schedule? When can I, when can I fit it in? And then the last step is re repetition. It's repeat before upgrading, right? So do not scale the habit because you get excited that you did it two days in a row. This happens a lot. People be like, oh yeah, okay, I did the thing. Now I'm gonna, now I'm gonna up it, right? Because I'm really antsy to get to that ideal version. Repeat the minimum until it feels normal, until it feels like the new default, until you don't have to think about it to do it. Because this is where people will sabotage themselves because they get a little bit of momentum, they immediately make it bigger, harder, stricter, and then they burn out and then they tell themselves that it didn't work.

SPEAKER_01 59:44

Mm-hmm. Yeah, like stabilize, stabilize the shot the shit that you just built and know that I think this is where the piece is like the boredom thing, right? Like I'm doing the thing and it's like again, the unsexy, and like you know, okay, I'm doing it, great, good job, right? But it's like boredom is not um is not failure. It's okay for this shit to be boring, it's okay because that's building you a solid foundation, right? Boredom is often a sign that something is becoming normal, right? It's like I'm in the routine of it. And I get it, like sometimes when things feel boring, then it's like, okay, you want to switch it up, but you have to have a solid foundation to know, like to be doing the thing in order to know where you can switch things up. If you don't have that first and you just start switching shit up, that's where it's like, oh, well, how how did I even give I didn't even give myself enough momentum to see if this actually really worked for me.

SPEAKER_02 1:00:40

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 1:00:40

So it's like allow it to get boring. And then when it gets boring, it's like, oh, this is when this is becoming normal. I could, right? I can possibly make a chain tier then. And normal is honestly what you want. It's not it's not something dramatic. It's not something that's like, um, it's not something that's like praised. It's just like, hey, this is normal. It's a normal nobody, nobody praises you for fucking brushing your teeth every day. I hope you do, because if not, your breath is funky. But like allow your shit to get normal like that, and then give yourself like when it becomes when it starts to become like that, that's when it's like, oh, I've built this and I can I can change it now if I want to, because it's normal now.

SPEAKER_03 1:01:19

Yeah, it's like monotonous. And and I get it, this can be difficult in a place where everything is very dopamine inducing, and we want the the shiny, fancy, sexy thing that's gonna keep our attention for uh the shortened attention span that we have, and then it's like on to the next. What's the next exciting thing? What's the next thing that can stimulate my brain? Right. But the boring shit is that's grown woman discipline. That's that's like let it be monotonous and get really comfortable in that and then iterate and then amplify.

SPEAKER_01 1:01:54

When you said grown woman shit, it's like now being like, oh, okay, yeah, I don't want to be up till whatever, because I know I'm gonna get a good night's rest and feel good in the morning for the farmer's market. If that makes me boring, sure, I'll take that. Right. It's like this is where the shit that used to, or the shit that you would consider being like your grandma now, it's like, no, that's actually peace. If boring is peace, sure, I'll be boring. Right? Like I I think you know, once you have discipline in this way, um it then it then allows you to see where there's where you can implement more fun. Because like you have a good, really a good foundation for this, like, and and you don't have something that you're constantly building just to be able to like have the thing all over again. Like you can start to like fit in, okay, this is what happens, and then this is where I can have the fun or the variation, or um this is where I can find maybe even being devoted to something new because I have these things already in place. So this is like honestly the hidden this is like the hidden skill that nobody talks about of letting like enough be enough. Like is what you're doing. Um the perfectionism is going to train you to dismiss all these wins, right? And um it's gonna teach you to overlook like the very rep or like the momentum that you're doing because maybe it wasn't big enough or it wasn't long enough or it wasn't hard enough, um, or it wasn't impressive enough, like, oh, I didn't get enough praise on it. Like even like on social media, like, oh, I didn't get enough likes, all these things, but like messy action, right, is gonna be the thing that trains you to respect what doing that rep um allows you to like it's gonna messy action is gonna be the thing that allows you to respect the rep in itself. That it was enough if I just did this, and that's gonna be the thing that allows like allows you to start creating this momentum.

SPEAKER_03 1:03:53

Yeah, because at the end of the day, like the tiny completed action that you did is way better than like some perfect plan that you have sitting in your notes app of all the of all the things that you're anticipating doing, right? Like enough creates the momentum, and then the momentum creates the evidence, and then the evidence starts to craft that self-trust that we talk about that's so important to be able to access anything that we want better for ourselves.

SPEAKER_01 1:04:15

Yeah, yeah. And self-trust is is actually in reality what you want. You want to be able to trust that what you're doing is working, that it matters, right? And that it's not just checking boxes and it's not just getting things done. It's becoming um, it's becoming the woman or the version of yourself that says, like, I'm going to do this. And when she says that, it happens.

SPEAKER_03 1:04:38

Yeah. Yeah. Like, can't do you believe if you were to ask yourself now, like, do I believe myself when I say I'm gonna do something? That's really important. And if you don't, then that's that's worth checking in on, right? Because you don't, you don't need more proof that you're capable, but you do need the reps to honor what's realistic to build that momentum that tells me that I am I do show up when I when I make promises for myself.

SPEAKER_01 1:05:00

Yeah, and that's that's the work, that's the internal work. That's not this like fantasy version of yourself, that's the real you, that's what your the current capacity looks like. That's that's honestly real life. And it's these tiny promises, it's this building this self-trust with yourself that allows you to see, oh, I can repeat that. Oh, I can do that, and I I want to do it again and like not prove to yourself, but like continue, like that's where the devotion comes in. Like I'm I am I'm disciplined in this way, which allows me to be devoted to myself in other ways.

SPEAKER_03 1:05:35

Yeah. So we want to leave you guys with a seven-day challenge, uh, a messy action challenge. So if you can choose just one area, whether it's health, work, relationship, money, your mindset, whatever it is, right? But choose one area and then pick one tiny action, like a two to five minute max, and then do that action day. For seven days. And the only thing that we want you to track is did I keep the promise to myself? That's it. That's why we're making it really small.

SPEAKER_01 1:06:08

Yeah, super small. And if you want some journal prompts to go along with this, right, you can start to reflect on these convert these questions. Where am I making things harder than where it needs to be? Right. Again, as you're doing this, this one area, right? This is create, this is allowing you to have some feedback. Ask yourself some good questions so that this is a part of that refining process as you're doing it, because you're getting all this, you're getting this data back. Um, what am I calling discipline that is actually perfectionism? Right. We talked about that today. And if you're unclear about what perfectionism is, restart this episode. Um, what is one tiny action that can build that that would build trust with me this week? aka like what what am I needing? Um, like when it comes to trust, and how can I can I take that need and turn it into an action? Um What am I waiting to feel before I start? Right. And I think this is a big one because then it's getting again, feel your nervous system involved. Like, can you describe it? Can you get really um not ready?

SPEAKER_03 1:07:16

If you write down ready, go deeper.

SPEAKER_01 1:07:19

Yeah, yeah. Pull that, pull it more. It's an onion. The feelings are an onion. So if you're on the surface level of one, um, I use a wheel with my clients where we start with like the basic ones, like angry, happy, you know, bad, sad, right? If it's something of one of those, it's like deeper. Pull pull back some of the layers of that onion because it's something, it's something more specific than that. And it's nine times out of ten, something you just didn't start feeling that you felt before. So, what are you waiting to feel before you start? Can you get really intentional with that? Um, and then that's where like the need will come from when you after you've identified the feeling.

SPEAKER_03 1:07:58

Yeah. So basically what we want to leave you with is that perfectionism keeps you on the sidelines, right? It keeps you in these overthinking loops of like just watching everything happen in front of you and then shitting on yourself for not participating. But the messy action actually gets you on the field, it gets you back into your life, it gets you participating in your fucking life. And you don't need the flawless plan, you just need something that's repeatable, that's actionable, that you can execute on.

SPEAKER_01 1:08:25

Yeah. So start smaller, right? Keep that promise to yourself and let them let the momentum start to build as you're doing the heavy lifting.

SPEAKER_03 1:08:37

Yeah. And if this resonated with you, or especially if you have a friend that's like always about to start something or always getting ready or always waiting to feel ready and that needs this type of reminder, please share it with them. We really, really appreciate it. Please make sure that you rate and review. As always, it only costs a moment of your time, and we really, really appreciate it. It means the world to us. Um, and please follow us along on all of our platforms.

SPEAKER_01 1:09:04

Yes, follow us. And if you have something that you are struggling to take action on, or even identifying what is the low, the low viable rep or like where where perfectionism is showing up for you, we have where you can request request a reframe, send it in, share with us where this is showing up for you, and we would love to help you sort through that. We'll see you in the next episode. See you next time. Bye.