Ep 22: The Radical Practice of Doing Nothing

Can You Sit Still With Yourself?

Slowing down sounds simple… until you try to do it.

In this episode of The Low & Slow Podcast, Crystal and Laken explore a question that makes many high-capacity women uncomfortable:

Can you sit quietly with yourself without immediately reaching for something to do?

Not scrolling.
Not answering messages.
Not folding laundry.

Just existing.

Because many of us don’t actually struggle with rest — we struggle with stillness.

Our nervous systems have been trained to associate movement with safety and productivity with worth. So when we finally slow down, emotions surface, discomfort appears, and the urge to get busy again kicks in.

Crystal and Laken unpack why this happens, how distraction often disguises itself as rest, and why intentionally practicing presence can become one of the most powerful forms of nervous system regulation.

They also introduce a simple practice: one hour of existing — a way to retrain your body to understand that doing nothing is safe.

This conversation invites women to rethink the way they measure their days and ask a different question:

Not “Did I accomplish enough?”
 But “Did I treat myself like someone I love today?”

Because sometimes the most radical thing you can do is take up space in your own life — by doing absolutely nothing.

________

Follow along, tune in, and let’s get into your next mindset shift!

It means the world to us if you would rate, like, save, share, and most importantly hit that subscribe button! And if something you heard today hit home for you, share it with your world. There is plenty of room at our table.

She looks like she has it together.
But inside, she’s tired of being the strong one.

Peace. Play. Love. is for her.

A retreat where the armor comes off,
the nervous system softens,
and self-trust becomes the loudest voice in the room.

June 2026.
This is your pause and your pivot.

Check out our Women’s Retreat we are hosting —The Peace.Play.Love Retreat 

Deets: https://offers.thatgirlmagic.co/ppl-retreat

Request A Remix! If you’re stuck or in a situation you want a new lens on, submit your dilemma anonymously below for a mindset remix from us on a future podcast episode!

https://links.ivorey.io/widget/form/Wv3Q0a53AuzjoNDgLvxV

Follow us on IG: 

@thatgirlmagic.co

@i.am.crystal.clear

@coachlaken

Website: 

www.thatgirlmagic.co 

Ways to work with us: Book a Connection Call

Connection Call - Crystal

https://links.ivorey.io/widget/bookings/crystal-connectioncall

Connection Call - Laken

https://links.ivorey.io/widget/bookings/laken-connectioncall

Transcript

SPEAKER_01 0:00

Welcome to the Low and Slow Podcast. We're your girls, Crystal and Lakin. If you press play today, trust you made the right decision.

SPEAKER_02 0:09

And know whenever you're listening to this, it's exactly the right time.

SPEAKER_01 0:14

We invite you to pull up a seat to the conversation, get curious about your current perspective, and lean in for the opportunity to see yourself in another woman's story. We created That Girl Magic because we've been where you are.

SPEAKER_02 0:28

Here, the talk is real and the breath is steady. Let's get into your next mindset shift.

SPEAKER_01 0:37

Welcome back to the Low and Slow podcast. It's your host, Crystal Ann Lakin. Ladies, today we're talking about something that sounds super simple, but actually makes most women wildly uncomfortable.

SPEAKER_02 0:51

Yeah, it makes me uncomfortable too. So I strongly resonate. But we are talking about slowing down. Slowing down.

SPEAKER_01 1:00

Can you sit with yourself, right? Can you really allow yourself to slow down and not scrolling on your phone, not folding laundry, not answering emails, actually sitting quietly with yourself? Because I want you to ask yourself something and I want you to answer honestly. Like, really, when was the last time you sat quietly with yourself and you didn't feel this immediate urge to get up and go do something? Or get up and check your phone, right? Or scroll Instagram or scroll that inbox that that number never wants to fucking go down, right? Or fold your laundry or just add something to your to-do list for when you do get up. Like actually just sit there because something we see a lot with women all the time is that it's in this stillness that there's so much uncomfortability.

SPEAKER_02 1:50

Yeah. And a lot of women will think that they're just really bad at relaxing. I know this came up um in this last season of Bridgerton, right? So if you haven't watched it, sorry. It's not really a spoiler alert, but you know, Sophie has a hard time sitting still because she's used to doing stuff all the time. And the, you know, everybody asks her, like, oh, do you not leisure well? And she's like, I can leisure, right? But it's um, it's it doesn't necessarily mean that you're bad at it. But what's actually happening is your nervous system hasn't been trained to associate rest with safety. It's it's associating movement and productivity with safety. So that's the default mode that's at play. And when you have to sit with those, what with whatever comes up when you sit still, that's what's uncomfortable.

SPEAKER_01 2:34

Exactly. So when you finally slow down, your body goes, Wait, what are we doing? Like, wait, what are we doing here? Because I'm used to fucking running and going to the next thing. And, you know, and like think about where if when I just said that, you can think about yourself doing something fast. I think of um you did a reel back on this a long time ago of like you're wiping the counters, right? Yeah, walking fast, right? And it's like, oh wait, I could slow down. Oh, I don't have to, I don't have to keep myself on go mode all the time. Yeah, not everything's for time. Yeah, yeah. And you know, I think the Bridgerton's great, solid example. It's a it's a reference that is current because most women are watching that, right? And you see the difference in like what her everyday is and what her life has been, right? And then it's like, oh, this is how it could be. And it's like that is so foreign to her. It's like, oh my goodness, no, I can't do that. I need to be doing something. Um, so let's talk about what happens when you actually sit quiet with yourself, right? Um, in these last couple episodes, there's like a theme here. Um, and we didn't plan that by any way, but that's just happened, right? But these emotions, um, when they come up, right? When you're sitting quietly with yourself, which is my why a lot of women sometimes don't want to do it, right? We don't know what's gonna come. It's the uncertainty of what will come up. And something I say a lot with my clients is is that emotions that are felt are actually the wisdom. That's the body speaking to us, that's things coming from our intuition, right? Um, the emotions that are just held, that it's weight, right? And I don't just mean physical weight, I mean just like weight, like a bird, like physical weight, burdens, uh, trauma. That's it's when we're constantly busy or when we're we're always doing something, we're never actually feeling what's sitting underneath everything. It's just like added pressure.

SPEAKER_02 4:25

Yeah, and busyness and efficiency can be really addictive because it's really socially acceptable and it's often really praised culturally, but it's also a form of avoidance. So no one questions a busy woman, no one questions a super productive woman, no one's like, hey, you know, are you are you doing okay? No, because they're like, oh, I want to be like her. She's getting everything done and she looks so put together all the time. So if you're overwhelmed or exhausted or running around like a chicken with your head cut off doing all the things, people are gonna praise that. They're gonna look to that and be like, oh, look at her. And that feels good.

SPEAKER_01 5:03

And when you sit still, right? And in like I think this is important to like we've talked about this in other episodes of like when that praise comes up. That doesn't mean that woman's not experiencing things. She's not a robot, right? There is stuff that's there. And so in sitting still, when those emotions start to come up, right, that's the people, or that's the part that people don't want to talk about because stillness is actually creating the space for it, right? Like we talked about in the devotion and discipline um episode, where it's like stillness is creating the container for what needs to come up to be felt. This space is allowing those feelings to surface. And when the body is talking to you, this is where it's like, are you listening or are you overriding?

SPEAKER_02 5:47

Yeah, right. It always comes at a cost. Like if there's if there's if someone looks like that on the outside from external perception, there's a cost associated with that. There's something that is allowing that product, that level of productivity to keep humming at that level.

SPEAKER_01 6:08

Yeah, and this this looks like also too like the hidden ways that we rest, because like the funny thing is we think we're resting all the time. You're like, I go to sleep, or you know, maybe if you don't nap, right? It's like, okay, well, I have a little bit of downtime, so let me just grab the laptop, right? But it's like that's we're not actually resting, right? We say things like, well, I watched TV, or I was on my phone, right? Or I had a this one, I had a glass of wine, I relaxed.

SPEAKER_02 6:35

Yeah, but that's that's not real rest. Like those are ways to distract yourself from not having to sit and be with your inner thoughts or your feelings so you can distract yourself from them. Not to say that there's it's not like inherently, there's no good or bad, right? It's like, yes, there can, can there be a lot of value in Netflixing your favorite show for a couple episodes and just really enjoying that time for yourself? Yeah, there can be. It's when we start to recognize that it's in a pattern and a coping mechanism for when I'm stressed, this is my go-to, this is my soothing mechanism.

SPEAKER_01 7:07

Mm-hmm. Right. And that when I'm doing it, it's like an excessive, like it's one thing to enjoy it and give yourself the permission to do it, but it's different when it's in an excess, right? So whether that's or when you feel dependent. Right. Like I can only do the thing if I have this first.

SPEAKER_02 7:26

Yeah, or like that's the only way that I can calm myself down. That's the only way I can downregulate or de-stress. It's the only way I can decompress from my day is to have that glass of wine or to sit on my phone for a couple hours. Like, okay, well, can you be alone with your thoughts?

SPEAKER_01 7:41

Yeah, yeah. And I mean, the scrolling, the avoiding the to-do list, like these are the things that can numb us, but they don't actually reconnect us back to ourselves, right? Because it's like, even on Instagram, like scrolling is a thing, and with a lot of um like teens and stuff, it's like it's addictive, right? It's like you just scrolled, you didn't find anything you like that gave it to you, and you put it down. It's like taking cheap hits of the of the dopamine, and it's not actually reconnecting you to anything that maybe what you're feeling.

SPEAKER_02 8:09

And it's engineered to be that way, like it is highly addictive, it's intended to keep you in a loop or keep you in on that platform on purpose, right? We know that this is this is working against us. We have a lot of environmental pulls that are not necessarily suited for our best interest, right? But the difference when people say, you know, like, oh, that is relaxation for me, or oh, that is the way that I cope with stress, versus that versus being intentional about sitting with yourself and being more intuitive about what's coming up in your body or in your mind, if there's a repetitive thought pattern, is presence, right? Presence is the difference because presence requires that level of intention and those other forms of coping, or for if you are calling it de stressing, right? Or if it is de stressing, at some point it becomes coping more than often because it's passive. You're actually not intentional with your presence.

SPEAKER_01 9:07

Something that I've been or that I did experiment with uh at one point when I was really trying to create safety around that, um, and that I still use to this day is like this idea of giving myself one hour to just exist, right? Not do something productive, not have an outcome, not achieving something like just existing, because I wanted to start teaching my nervous system that just existing and doing nothing can be safe, right? Let's just try this on, right? And I get it, it may feel uncomfortable at first, but um put a timer on, right? And I I guarantee you it's like, oh my goodness, first 10 minutes, oh my goodness, 30 minutes. Like, all right, I'm kind of done with this now, right? Like, let's get back to what we're doing. But it's like a lot of times people will say, like, oh, just meditate. And it's not about meditating for an hour. Can you just do nothing for a second and just see how that feels? Um, and by doing that, it started to teach my nervous system that doing nothing can be safe because it didn't feel like that at first. Um, but when I started to put that into a practice of like, then when I was taking the bath, then when I did, you know, do the thing that I love or journaled or, you know, did a freaking puzzle or, you know, crafted, it was like whatever, if I was enjoying it, I could allow myself to be more present with doing those activities. I mean, even like playing with your kids, or, you know, we're so conscious of the times, we need to start allowing ourselves to give ourselves that permission of like doing nothing can be safe. And if it doesn't feel safe yet, this is something you can implement.

SPEAKER_02 10:41

Yeah. And most women's nervous systems are gonna have the opposite belief in place that, you know, if they stop moving, things are gonna fall apart because they have a lot of evidence of that. If if they've created an environment or contributed to an environment where everything depends on their initiation, then at that point it is going to feel like everything is gonna fall if I'm not constantly moving, if I'm not constantly keeping all these balls in the air and doing this juggling act. And a lot of times it it just, you know, there's different ways to implement and practice this. Like for me personally, I know that if I need to take space like that for myself, I need to rem, I need to put myself in a different environment that's more conducive to do so. Right. Because if I'm in a place where um my laptop is high, or if there's things that need to be done that are calling to my attention, I'm going to be compelled to do those things or be compelled to work because that's that's what I enjoy doing. Um, and it uh if I want to be intentional about creating space to do less, then it helps me to put myself in a different environment. So even just like going outside for a walk.

SPEAKER_01 11:48

It's like yeah, that one hour, you can take it wherever you want to take it. It's about just giving yourself that space. Like, can you start with that, right? And if an hour feels like too risky, all right, let's start with 30 minutes, right? Because if you can sit down for a minute and you suddenly feel like you're getting behind on life, offer you a reframe here. What if that hour is actually how you start to reconnect with yourself in the things that you're continuing to do? Like, we don't just want to live our lives, we want to be alive in the life we're living, right? We don't want to just be like running on to the next thing. There's something that really stood out to me. I love visiting different coffee shops in different cities and anywhere I go, it's like, you know, you have your go-to thing of what you want to check out in that city. For some people, it's breweries, for some people it's museums, whatever. Mine is coffee shops. And even being in other countries, um, it's this thing of like the coffee shops that didn't have Wi-Fi on the weekends or that didn't have a lap, like they said, like no laptops on the weekends. When you observe, which is like my favorite thing to do, people watching out, you see that people are actually having conversation, right? There was it, there was this one coffee shop I was in in Richmond. There was a group of women, like girlfriends that were there, they were all had their books, they were reading, like a book club. There was this girl crocheting, right? It was beautiful. There were so many people like actually enjoying the person who was sitting across from them. And I nine times out of ten, like I know this for me, I enjoy my coffee so much more when I'm not focused on the screen or something else. So this is like something I've seen a few times that I've seen it enough where I'm like, okay, it's because people were just sitting there. It's because people were actually talking and connecting and being present. And like that is almost unusual now to see.

SPEAKER_02 13:37

Like in every space into a workspace. It's like every every moment available is a moment that's an opportunity to produce something else. To do something. It is like foreign now, which is interesting that you say that because it's also not only a change of environment, but showing you like a good tool for co-regulation, right? Like being able to do that in community spaces.

SPEAKER_01 14:00

And because of that, right, we're so used to turning every moment into uh productivity or into you know, a next business venture or whatever. Like even today, I was at a coffee shop and the gentleman saw me um junk journaling there and he asked, you know, what I do, and you know, it's just just like making small talk. And it's like this idea of like, oh my goodness, that's so cool. You should do something with that. And it's like this has shown me time and time again where because I've done this with myself, of like, yeah, I can if I want to, but I ultimately, this is just something I do for me. Why? Because this is how I reconnect back to myself in a creative way. And so I think it's once you start to do this hour, right? It's like, well, God, I've given myself permission to do this cool thing, and I don't actually have to, it doesn't have to be of any value. Like the value is that it's coming back to me. So I think um there's something really beautiful about that about the spaces that allow people to just exist, to just be. Think about a park, right? You go there, everyone's there. There's it doesn't have to be an activity or anything going on. It's just everyone's enjoying the nice weather or their dog or whatever. It's like, I don't know, if we could be more like dogs, like just if we're we could just exist and enjoy. Um, so let's talk about why um slowing down maybe feels weird, right? Or not that it feels hard, but it's like the uncomfortableness that we're talking about. Um, it is gonna feel weird at first. Let's just call it that. Like, especially for a lot a lot of the women we work with, or um, I know it definitely felt weird for me. Like, and you said this is uncomfortable for you, right? Um we're not used to it, feels weird because, and again, this may ruffle some feathers, but like we're not used to treating ourselves like someone that we love, right? Or that is the priority, right? We're used to treating ourselves like someone that we are managing, right? And I think that is like when you say that, it's like, oh, I don't want to treat someone, I don't want to treat myself like someone I'm just managing to get through the day or get through the week. Like it doesn't feel good.

SPEAKER_02 16:05

Yeah, I think that's unique too. You know, like it depends, like for me, I do challenge the people that I love. And I think that um it that's gonna be unique to each person. Like there are like there have been times where when I've intentionally given myself free time and space, like what it what my mind goes to, unless I'm actively um, so for example, if I'm like reading for reading like fiction, right, then I can detach from this. But if I give myself enough time and space in the goal is doing nothing, a a business idea will come to me, a like uh a project that I want to do will come, like it just ends up kind of going in that direction. And like I'm always looking to push the bounds on like what the next thing is or what the next growing edge that I can do is. So I it it is, I think, individual to each person of like finding what it is that works for you, but it is, it is like that is the can be the expression of self-love of like the way that you genuinely genuinely show love, either for others or for yourself. I think the questions that we usually ask ourselves at the end of the day could be reframed, right? Because we'll usually say, like we're auditing, like, did I do enough? Did I get everything done? Did I check all the boxes on my to-do list? And that's where there's an opportunity.

SPEAKER_01 17:22

Right. And your point's valid, but let me clarify what I'm saying here is it's not that those things can be self-love. That's gonna look, it's not like, oh, love yourself more. That's what you should do here. It's more so like, would you treat someone else that that you love in that way? Right. So like it's a lot of the times managing the to-do list or like certain things. And if it comes in that space, right, where you are giving yourself that time and that comes up, great. It's not to say that a business idea can't come up or like um, you know, some of the things that you're mentioning, that's great that that's coming up, but it's because you've created created the space for when, like, it's kind of like the idea of like how you're how you would give love outwards, are you actually giving that back to yourself? Right. Which is for a lot of women, it's like I'm constantly being this for everyone else and I'm not being this for me. And it's like, at what point in time can can we start to ask different questions of like, what if I was, what if I just gave myself more space today, right? What if I was nicer to myself today and I had a slower day, right? How instead of how productive was I, like, how much rest did I allow myself today if I needed it, right? Because I created this space for it. So it's like the idea that, you know, part of loving yourself is not running yourself into the ground and then taking the rest. It's noticing, hey, when you need the rest, can you give it to yourself? Or yes, you still have stuff to do on your to-do list. But like if your daughter came to you and said, Oh, I'm I'm tired or whatever, like, no, you've got to push through, you know, it's like we don't speak to ourselves as if we were someone else, right? We push that threshold more. And that that's the point I was making, right? And I think this is why deep down for a lot of women, it feels like it's selfish, or it feels like it's like indulgent, right? Because you're it's like you're letting yourself off the hook when you should be pushing harder. And like that's the language that we hear.

SPEAKER_02 19:13

Yeah, and that discomfort can be really revealing, revealing, right? It shows how deeply we've internalized the idea that our value is only tied to our output or our productivity.

SPEAKER_01 19:25

Yeah, and I think an important point too, I just want before we get away from it, is like, like you said, like challenging the people you love, right? Like managing doesn't have to mean that the challenge has to be a negative thing, right? But it's like when a lot of times these women, it's like it's this idea that I need to be constantly challenging myself of like what should I be doing more, right? So I think that's where like the idea of managing comes in. Like, think about when you're managing a schedule or like managing group of people, it's like it's where we naturally fall into that place, but it's like actually, you would never say you want to manage yourself, you would say I just I want to tend to myself, right? On a like whatever the needs that are coming up, and like you've spent so long treating yourself like a like a resource to like optimize. Like, how can I be and optimize at my and that's great for growth, it's great for you know evolving, but it's like can we start with like that basis level of kindness and the needs so that um like tending to yourself doesn't feel like this rebellious thing. Like if we did that more, it wouldn't feel so indulgent or it wouldn't feel so um selfish. Like so many, like the the workshop I did in February, um, it was wild because every woman that was on there, like their definition of selfish was like the same thing in different costumes, said a million times over, but like the reframes that we got to of like it's self-honoring or it's um it's self-aware, it's you know, it's self-leading. Like when I know what I need now, then I can be more present for others, and I don't have to just feel like I'm I'm taking all of this for me and feeling guilty about it. Like there's so much underlying like guilt and shame in actually loving ourselves how we need to, right? Or tending to ourselves how we need to.

SPEAKER_02 21:21

Yeah, it's not all self-imposed. A lot of these concepts or these ideations are generational because the systems that be benefit from that thought pattern. Women running themselves into the ground to provide free labor in addition to being in the workforce is very beneficial to our current setup, right? And because if you're exhausted but still showing up, then no one's gonna be like, hey, you you probably shouldn't be doing that, right? They're gonna be like, Oh yeah, keep it coming. We like, we like that. That's working out for everybody.

SPEAKER_01 21:58

Yeah. Well, I mean, yeah, keep keeps everyone in being the worker bees. It keeps everyone fueling that um it keeps everyone fueling the system, right? Because it's like people are then dependent on dependent on the paychecks. Like I need to show up and be there regardless. It's the burnout that becomes acceptable collateral damage as long as shit's getting done. Right. As long as you know we've been sold this idea that um grinding till you like break till the wheels fall off is like a noble thing.

SPEAKER_02 22:34

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 22:35

Right. And why like this is like I mean if you go back it's like well because we've been wanting we've been trying to fight for like equal rights and doing things like men, right? And putting ourselves in these same spaces and being able to do it all. Right. And then it's like but prioritizing your humanness or your womanness that that's considered weak.

SPEAKER_02 22:54

Which is well and we see this so much. I see it the most in um like working models all the time. Well I mean like uh industries like nursing and and education right so like nurse nurses and teachers are where I see it the most because that environment is conducive and then it's it's like it would require a mass exodus or like a unionized group to basically say like these working conditions are not realistic and they're not sustainable. But because it is um an environment where it's like very coveted right like when you want to get to a certain level in it you want to get your tenure you want to be able to get to a place where you can like the bonus is oh I get to a place where I get to choose my schedule right then it's like the the foundation that you have to create in order to get there is this exhausting like I don't get bathroom breaks.

SPEAKER_01 23:47

I don't get to say in you know what happens here I don't get time to eat right and it's like well that's just expected that's just the way that it is yeah or even in women in spaces where it's not predominantly women like women in tech like Jesus Lord or like in anything that's like um web design or like you know back end stuff where it's like you're you work predominantly with a lot of men and you're just going going output and like all this and it's like having to like this idea of having to prove yourself and it's like this productivity trap that God I mean men and women both have needs and both you know can create this space and container for themselves and slowing down but I think where it's where women give themselves um have a harder time or give themselves shit over it. Why? Because of male counterparts where that that level of comparison or because it's like I'm really needing to like prove that I can do it all too. I mean even even with moms maybe you're not working anymore and then it's like being a stay at home mom where yeah they're it you're tending to the home you're tending to the household it's like if I sit down right oh I'm not working out but I have to be doing every single thing uh here where my attention has to be on the kids, what they need everything else where it's like it's it's the overdoing of like excess at some point to prove to be valuable indicator when we look at spaces or environments like workspaces or environments particularly since that's what we're speaking on right now that are either that have more masculine energy versus feminine energy and not to necessarily say that there are specifically more women or men working in them but just the the energy that's present or whether it's a more patriarchal culture or matriarchal culture.

SPEAKER_02 25:36

To me the biggest difference is whether the main focus is competition or collaboration. Right. So in like a patriarchal setup it's the driver is going to be the competition right it's like how how fast can we hustle who's going to be the most productive how can we you know street shit. Yeah yeah versus in like a truly matriarchal setup, I see more collaboration where it's you know this tide rises all ships, everyone's here to eat if you you know we want to build each other how can we help each other yeah if if I win then you win scenario.

SPEAKER_01 26:09

Yeah that's a really good point. And I think um even in those right you see what the difference of what is if you were to take two people right AB like or test what that looks like, how they recharge whatever it that would look very different. I guarantee you the people who are in the setup where you are working with others, it's not to say one's better over the other, but like working with other women and working with things that are supportive in that way, um it's like the all the weight doesn't fall as much. It could be redistributed with collaboration and when it is more in competition, it's just all in that one person. But like if you were to take both of those scenarios out and you're just putting that with yourself like which one do you fall in? Right. And how do you start to treat someone like and this is a thing of like like you love I think the idea of self-love is like just love yourself more like no it's not that but like treating someone like you love is actually how you start to build that sustainable strength. Like because if you love someone you wouldn't run them into the ground you wouldn't ignore their emotions you wouldn't demand constant productivity of them.

SPEAKER_02 27:12

Yeah you'd be patient with them you would give them space you would try to understand their needs.

SPEAKER_01 27:17

Right. And this is like the person living inside your body deserves that same care and that's what I mean by loving them right because it's like you know if you were to ask so many people like do you love yourself they're like yeah right but like how often we do we don't tell ourselves that we love ourselves sometimes right and we don't we're just expecting this um expectation or this narrative or this like threshold from us all the time. And it's like can we put it in the lens of like sometimes we have to look at it through the lens of someone else and be like well are you loving them just like you would yourself.

SPEAKER_02 27:51

I think it's also important to look at how we're viewing rest specifically like I know that I've struggled a lot with um viewing rest as the reward right so it's like I something we talk about this when we talk about rest being earned right it's like if I view rest as a reward that I only get when I'm finished doing all the things that I told myself have to be completed. And if not then I don't deserve it that's where it's it's not sustainable.

SPEAKER_01 28:22

Because there's always going to be more to do. Yeah there's always going to be more to do and you know this is where that hour like I encourage anyone listening like can we just set a timer and honestly this could be a valuable piece of like it's like an experiment a value valuable piece of set yourself set your phone up right let it record for an hour right and just observe observe yourself as if you were in a coffee shop with yourself and see like what what comes up for you? Do you notice that you're like this do you notice that you're pacing do you notice that you're fiddling with your fingers or do you notice like do you reach for your phone 20 times? Yeah yeah do you like start to this this one when I was doing the hour with myself in those early days I would I would grab like anything and I'm just like trying to dump out all the brain like my brain dump on it and it's like how many times did I do that over the course of that hour where I just kept putting out all the things that were in my head.

SPEAKER_02 29:17

Well you probably had to purge a little bit to make space for yourself. Right. And like you said it doesn't have to start with an hour if that doesn't feel realistic for you. Like start start with what feels realistic because the idea is that just like with anything else that we talk about with the intentional practice the goal is for it not to be something where okay I'm I'm gonna go till I'm at the verge of collapse and then justify it. It's like can I make this into a ritual that I intentionally practice regularly so it doesn't feel so crazy when you do it for longer.

SPEAKER_01 29:49

Yeah. So do you treat yourself like someone you love on the daily and if you if you're answering that question of like eh kinda right try that try it out that hour right we want to um move out of like did I get enough done today right? Did I I mean even like I I like to at one point I was like did I take a nap like did I give myself the nap I wanted today like even something simple like that like think about babies they get to put down like there's so much love there. Love, attention, care, right? Did I treat myself like that today? Um and if the answer is no that's okay right this is where you can start doing something different and start running this little experiment with yourself. And like the most powerful thing that you can do is like take up more space. And sometimes that means by doing absolutely nothing so that you can actually see what the fuck you need.

SPEAKER_02 30:42

Well that also might mean that you have to outsource or ask for more help because if you are someone who is a mom of young children or somebody who does have a lot of people that are dependent on your time and attention that might not be realistic to be able to just take space when you feel like you need it. It may be a situation where you need to resource yourself and ask for support in order to be able to create that space and that's a part of that process too to be able to feel okay asking for it.

SPEAKER_00 31:11

Mm-hmm.

SPEAKER_01 31:11

Right. And so whatever that can look like for you because everyone's listening that's listening is going to look different um can you just intentionally create that right like this if you need to put it on your calendar and have a sitter or whatever or like go to the coffee shop, whatever it is.

SPEAKER_02 31:26

And I think something like for most women that I talk to and I'm sure you get this too especially if you have children there is I was when was the last time that you were in your own home alone and it was probably not any time in the recent in a recent memory and what would be required for that to happen and could you make that request? And it may mean that a family member or your partner whoever it is takes the children for a one to two hour activity once over the weekend or on your day off. Right. Yeah but you like that is something that is essential that we don't incorporate or we don't put practice into our time because yes it can be helpful to change your environment and go somewhere else but if you know that you're going to be able to have the most relaxation or the most downregulating time in the in your own home then that's worth asking for.

SPEAKER_01 32:25

Yeah. Or also too like when's the last time it's not just always about leaving the kids or whatever like when's the last time you did something with your kids for an hour that didn't have you checking the clock the entire time right that you went to the playground and you didn't watch them just play but you played with them. You also got on the swing right you dug in the sand or whatever it is or you also rode your bike with them right like when's the last time sometimes this hour of time and like doing nothing or laying in the grass or whatever it is, playing with the dogs like that you were like you had that presence there that didn't require something else taking your attention because I think you know for people who do have kids like okay you're doing the activities with them are you on the jump thing with them right like are you actually are you actually there with them? Like are you actually doing the thing rather than worrying about okay this is an amount of time here and then we got to go because we got to go do this.

SPEAKER_02 33:20

Yeah. And even if you're not physically able it's like can you just be intentionally device free for that period of time while you're with them just so that you're present.

SPEAKER_01 33:28

Mm-hmm. Yeah and that can even look like leaving the phone in the car.

SPEAKER_02 33:32

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 33:33

Right? Maybe just like or when you're on the walk right just I mean they're with you everyone that needs to be with you is with you and I like and we just start to create that container of where we're actually giving ourselves the space to slow down the art of slowing down like God you you will find that once you start to slow down that does allow you to speed up because you've created that space for yourself and you're gonna find that in slowing down gosh I may develop some freaking hobby hobbies. I may I may like to do certain things and then I I know I have something to go to like we just completed a thousand dollar thousand dollar thousand piece puzzle yesterday and it was like I know puzzles is I I I love it. I love slowing down in that way. And yes that's a little bit of like an outcome once it's done right but it's like for no reason for no value like you know some of the coff some of the conversations I have with people in the coffee shop of like oh why are you doing that thing right it's like what are you gonna do with it and this and that and it's like for fucking nothing I just because I like doing it because I'm I'm creative I'm crafty and like whatever and that is that is okay. If no one has told you that I'll tell you it it is okay. And if it's uncomfortable cool we get start with the hour start with 30 minutes if you need and yeah send us in send us in how this goes for you we would love to hear yes and thank you for pulling up a seat to the combo today. Yes if this resonated with you or if you have a fellow bestie or somebody or you know you work with someone that who needs that permission right women being able to give other women this permission if they're struggling to give it to themselves it's like women are uh collaborative women are creative in that way where it's like oh she's doing that like I let me try that on see how that works for me right like yeah it's contagious it's contagious like if if you're in an office where everybody for example like eats their lunch at their desk and works through their lunch break you'd be surprised what it can do if you start being intentional about taking a true lunch break and leaving somebody else might see that and be like oh shit we can do that take it out go to the sun and you know see eat sun charge your food and eat like wow that is it's it's wild what that can do you may have some people some girls join you never know um always remember please like share subscribe but we genuinely appreciate you guys we read everything that you guys send in um if you are struggling to slow down hit that request every frame button and send in your dilemma of you know give it give us give us your take on what feels hard for you so we can help me move through that and anything else like no thanks I think that's it yeah if you're yes keep it low and slow and talking about slowing down we are creating we have created a intentional container that allows you to do so in Costa Rica with us in June nine women and three facilitators so the focus is on y'all right and um it can give you if you are struggling to create uh create that container for yourself or you need that space or you're wanting to look at what can that look like and be able to have this be a part of your reality right this is why we've created that there's three spots that are remaining um and we would love to connect with you and see if it's a fit for you this is not to just have warm asses in Costa Rica. This is for ladies who are intentionally wanting to be able to be supported in this way um and we would love to chat it with you about it. So if there is a question or this piques your interest, you know where to find us you can DM us you can send something in on the request the reframe we would love to connect with you and we'll see you guys in the next episode. See you next time. Take it slow this week