Ep. 26: What 'The In-Between’ Actually Looks Like

Here’s a moment no one really prepares you for—

When you stop doing what you’ve always done…and suddenly, nothing feels normal anymore.
You don’t jump in.You don’t fix it.You don’t over-explain.You don’t take over.
And instead of feeling free…you feel uncomfortable. Restless. Questioning everything.
In this episode of The Low & Slow Podcast, Crystal and Laken explore the real experience of change—not the highlight reel, but the raw moments that happen when you interrupt your patterns in real time.
Because the “in-between” isn’t peaceful at first.It’s disorienting.
It’s the space where your old identity no longer fits…but your new way of being hasn’t fully landed yet.

This episode asks:
What actually happens when you stop overfunctioning—in real life?
Not in theory.Not in journaling prompts.But in the moment your body tells you to step in…and you choose not to.

We explore:
•Why not stepping in feels physically loud
•The inner dialogue when you break patterns
•Why discomfort comes from interrupting the pattern
•What it looks like to witness life without inserting yourself
•The identity shift of no longer being “the one who fixes everything”
•How others may react when you change
•Why your nervous system feels activated
•How safety is built through small, quiet reps

You’ll recognize this if you’ve ever:
•Felt the urge to fix everything
•Over-explained to avoid being misunderstood
•Struggled to sit still instead of taking control
•Questioned who you are without being “the responsible one”
Because the in-between looks like:
Not answering right away.Letting someone misunderstand you.Sitting in discomfort without fixing it.Letting things unfold without controlling the outcome.

The truth:
The discomfort isn’t a sign something is wrong.It’s a sign something is changing.
You’re no longer reacting the same way.You’re no longer reinforcing the identity you’ve outgrown.
Your nervous system is learning:“I don’t have to jump in anymore.”

Follow along, tune in, and let’s get into your next mindset shift!

It means the world to us if you would rate, like, save, share, and most importantly hit that subscribe button! And if something you heard today hit home for you, share it with your world. There is plenty of room at our table.

She looks like she has it together.
But inside, she’s tired of being the strong one.

Peace. Play. Love. is for her.

A retreat where the armor comes off,
the nervous system softens,
and self-trust becomes the loudest voice in the room.

June 2026.
This is your pause and your pivot.

Check out our Women’s Retreat we are hosting —The Peace.Play.Love Retreat 

Deets: https://offers.thatgirlmagic.co/ppl-retreat

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Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:00

Welcome to the Low and Slow Podcast. We're your girls, Crystal and Lakin. If you press play today, trust that you made the right decision.

SPEAKER_01 0:09

And know whenever you're listening to this, it's exactly the right time.

SPEAKER_00 0:14

We invite you to pull up a seat to the conversation, get curious about your current perspective, and lean in for the opportunity to see yourself in another woman's story. We created that girl magic because we've been where you are.

SPEAKER_01 0:28

Here, the talk is real and the breath is steady. Let's get into your next mindset shift. Question for you, C. When was the last time that you celebrated something ordinary? And not like a not like a promotion or a milestone or like finishing something big, but like, you know, regular Tuesday shit. Like you did the thing that you said you were gonna do, or you showed up for like a you know, a personal care item in your routine, or you got just through your afternoon, because sometimes it, you know, days be like that. And when did that last count for you? Or when did you let it count?

SPEAKER_00 1:09

Yeah, honestly, recently, every every day, like most recently today, yeah. Like I um when did okay, maybe a even better question of like when did I first noticing that it started counting? And I would say yeah, in like the last year or two, last year for sure. Last year for sure. And if you know, if you're like most women um that we work with, then the honest answer is it didn't, or you have it, right? And that resonated with me for a long time, right? Up until like doing a lot of this work on myself, it's I couldn't have it count unless it was all done. I was falling into the all all or nothing. Um, I couldn't celebrate the wins, I couldn't celebrate you know, all the shit that I was doing. Um and it took being able to do this work so that it it can count. And now because I know what that I know what counting now feels like, um it like it gets it gets to matter even if it's small, even if it's not what I want it to be. And you know, uh what I've realized in myself too is that sometimes on the the most boring day when I'm stuck in the mundane of doing the thing and yeah, it's consistent and I'm showing up and all the things, um I've that's when I've recognized it most, is that it counts and like that's okay. It doesn't have to always be what it used to be, and it's okay to slow down and it's okay to just have it be done, and like I relate so much to the ordinary doesn't count because the ordinary sometimes fucking feels boring and the ordinary is just surviving and it doesn't register as like this win that's exceptional. Um it's not this it's not requiring much effort, right? It's like it was that was too easy, right? But now I'm able to be like, oh my God, like it can be I can I'm safe for it to be easy, it can feel safe, it can feel good in my body. Um, and it doesn't have to always produce this big visible result. And anything less than that is just the brain, is just my brain like filing it away as like, oh, you know, things that happen um on the day-to-day like this don't matter, and that's not the case. So that would be the last time.

SPEAKER_01 3:37

That comes at a cost when you look at stuff that way, right? Like when nothing ordinary counts, your brain never gets to log the process, and so it's never looking for it. You can be consistent for you know weeks at a time and have nothing to show for it in your own mind because in your mind you haven't arrived at the outcome that you're looking for, the goal that you want, because nothing happened that rose to the level of like exceptional. And then you wonder why, you know, you feel stuck all the time in that. It's like why you feel like you're not moving the dial. And that's when that in-between feeling starts to feel really empty. Like, you know, that's where we question it. It's where all the doubt comes in of like, well, what am I even doing this for? You know, what you know, is it worth it? And it's not because you aren't doing any of the things right that you need to be doing, but you trained yourself not to count it essentially over time. Like your default mode in your brain is that it doesn't count. And that is a practice problem, and that's what we're gonna talk about today. So welcome to the Low and Slow podcast. If it's your first time here, welcome. We're jumping right in. It's your girls, Lakin and Crystal, and uh, we're really glad you guys are here today.

SPEAKER_00 4:47

Yeah, we're glad you're here for the conversation, and it's right on time because this is, you know, I had I had this moment in session today where I'm like, I know. And I and like again, you know because you're facilitating, right? But it's that moment where you I know how I know how this client brain, I know how this client's brain works because mine also works like that. And um, you know, we talk about seeing ourselves in another woman's story, yes, but this is this for me has been something that I've been realizing for a while now, and then to be actually to see in that moment of like, oh my God, like yeah, I know exactly what she's talking about, I know exactly what that feels like, and I can like give myself credit that I I still was navigating this and actually being able to recognize it in this moment of like I've been doing different and I've been and I could celebrate that. So it's like, God, when when nothing ordinary counts or the day-to-day or the mundane um just feels boring and your brain never feels like it gets to actually log the progress and celebrate the wins, like isn't what a concept. You wonder why you're not feeling why you feel like you're not moving or you know, you're not moving forward or not progressing, you're not healing, right? Like what a freaking concept.

SPEAKER_01 6:10

Yeah. So last week we talked more about the all-or-nothing cycle and like the phases, right? Like the warning signs, that crack that happens before you have that crash. And then we ended on the idea of the in-between being the actual destination, right? Not like not getting lost in the mundane, not the ceiling, not the pit or the floor, right? But the sustainable, that middle piece. And we want to name why that's so hard to hold on to in practice. That's understandable. Most of us are running this, you know, filter that we're viewing it through in the background that cancels all that stuff out. Our reticular activating system is not is not looking for it. If anything, it's looking for evidence that supports that none of this is enough, or essentially, because that's tied to the story that I'm not enough, right? And it sounds like, oh, it only counts if it's, you know, a big deal or if it's this big milestone, or if it's something you do every day, then that was to be expected. I fall into that a lot, right? Like, oh, well, I expected it. So it's not, it's not a triumph, it's not important, it's not worth celebrating, or it's something that, like you said, like didn't require a lot of dramatic effort. So it just doesn't register and it doesn't get logged as a win. And the brain sees this whole in-between section of this process as invisible. And you can be living in it and not see it. You can be doing all the quiet, consistent, you know, unglamorous work for weeks at a time and have nothing in your mental, you know, check mark box to show for it, essentially. Yeah, nothing that is happening makes the cut. It's like, oh, well, you know, that's just that's just that that shit that I'm supposed to be doing.

SPEAKER_00 7:50

Yeah, yeah. And God, what a place that is to be. Like this is where, you know, within this work, I want to also say something of like, we talk about mindset all the time, but God, the nervous system has to be a part of the conversation. It has to, right? Because yeah, mindset is the thoughts and the shit that's running through your head, right? The sometimes the things that are operating subconsciously, that are already wired in, that have been um passed along, right? Like all the stuff that is already existing, the some limiting beliefs that ultimately were serving you at one point that may not that may no longer be, but the nervous system is the piece that where the body's freaking talking to you. The body's operating out of maybe a previous place, right? It's like a previous wiring. And this is where the nervous, like the nervous system matters so much. You can't just do mindset work without the other, you can't just do nervous system work without mindset work, right? So it's not just a mindset thing, this is legit wiring. We talked about this last week about being this is the physiology of it. Like your brain is built to scan for the evidence that is gonna conf that is gonna confirm the story, right? So, like whenever I'm telling my clients of like, can we just sit with the feeling before creating a story about what it means about me? Well, because your brain is already looking for evidence to tell you what you're thinking is correct. And, you know, if the story is running in the background, I'm not if like the story you have running in the background is like I'm not making any progress, I'm just surviving, like I'm just getting through my day, right? Then the brain's gonna find proof that um proof of that every single day where you can just survive, or you can just make it to six o'clock when you're off of work, and then it's like, okay, you know, now you can breathe, right? And you do that enough times, and it's like, what is that? A pattern of like, oh my God, now I'm in my evenings, feeling like my day has left me, and you know, like what the fuck did I even do today? Right. So it's like the brain is gonna again find the proof that it's operating from where your nervous system is just surviving. And this is not because it's true, but it's because that this is um the pattern it's looking for. It wants to look for what's familiar. So that's why you end up in this familiar loop where ordinary things or boring things or things that, yeah, I already know how to do that don't freaking count. And then when they don't get logged, there's just there's no honest evidence of progress. And when there's no honest evidence of progress, or like a lot of our clients say, results. I want to see results, right? This confirms that there's no progress. And then we would think that it's true, and it's just this self-fulfilling cycle that keeps feeding itself.

SPEAKER_01 10:35

Yeah, which means that you're not, you know, you're not delusional when you feel like you're not moving. You're not, you know, it's not just that you're lazy, you're not a person who is incapable of doing the work, but you are working from a foundation that's actively collecting evidence against you. Right. And it's it's of essentially it's of your own volition, but if you're not aware of it, then it's gonna, it's very much gonna feel like that. And the only way to interrupt it is to be intentional about it, right? To create awareness around it and to do it on purpose. You have to start being intentional about collecting the evidence for yourself instead of for against yourself. We talk about this a lot, and it's not, it's not going to feel natural and it's not going to be easy, right? It's not gonna, it's not something you can just change overnight. And it there's gonna be some resistance to it at first because the filter doesn't just disappear that you're that you're the current lens that you're seeing everything through. You have to feed the other thing, right? Yes, and that's the practice. It's not a switch, it's a it's a dial. I always say that like it's we can't just flip a switch. We have to turn the dial and we have to do it one little tick at a time, right? And today we're talking about how to move it that one tick at a time. That's the practice.

SPEAKER_00 11:48

Yeah. And when we talk about like building a case for ourselves, right? It's like we got to feed both sides, feed both wolves, right? The um when you can build a case for yourself, there's also something that's happening where you're building a case against yourself, right? There's the duality of things, so it's the intentionality versus like the reactivity that's happening. And I want to actually talk about what's happening in the in-between um and what this actually feels like from the inside, right? This is um again, you can't do one, can't do one without the other. Uh, we make it sound a lot, I think honestly, we make it sound a lot cleaner than what it is. And the reality is for most of us, we're running on two tracks um at the same time every single day. Like, think about like a train, right? Um, and there's the intentional track, the version of you that like, I know what I should be doing, right? Um, there's the intentional track, the version of you that wants to be like present, wants to slow down, it wants to make decisions from like what you value most, right? From the shit that actually matters to you. And then there's the reactive track, and that's the version of you that's just chasing whatever feels most urgent right now. Um maybe the inbox that filled up overnight, or you know, you still gotta go to the grocery store, or uh the kids have homework, right? The thing that just needs to happen before it's time to go to fucking bed. Um, and maybe the sh the fire that showed up out of nowhere, right? The things that are the unexpected, right, that are essentially like sending your nervous system into ugh, right? And I the thing I want to make clear is that neither of these, um neither of these tracks are wrong, right? Just like a train. They're all the they need to be there, right? And the reactive tract isn't a character flaw, it's your nervous system doing exactly what it was designed to do. It's trying to protect you, right? Whatever is gonna feel like a threat or feel like urgency, it is responding. And so the problem isn't that the reactivity exists, the problem is that when reactivity becomes the default, right? Um, and intentionality, right, slowing down, being able to listen and feel what's in your body, um, when that becomes the rare exception, then that's when the reactive wolf is the one that's just getting fed every single day. And that's without you even being able to make a decision about it. Like my client, the literally right before we decided to start podcasting, is like, I wanted to go snowboarding today, right? She strength trains, she straight trains three days a week, she climbs, and then she also snowboards, right? And um, you know, she's used to operating at a high capacity level because she was in her like previous years a gymnast for a long time in her life. And so when it feels like the one day that she didn't go snowboarding, why? Because she was the one feeling she was feeling was fucking exhausted. And it's like, okay, I was feeling exhausted. We identified where she's feeling it, and it's like, what did I need right now in that moment? I need it, I was exhausted. I just needed to sit down and slow down. I need to watch my show and drink some fucking brone broth. Like, what else did she need? She needed permission that she could do that, right? It's like, can we in that moment, even though you said you were gonna snowboard, even though you said you were gonna do the thing, what your body was actually requiring you from you was something very different, and she's not used to being there. She's used to just doing it anyway. So it's like that's a perfect example of like both of those tracks being able to, she chose different, even though she didn't feel like she did, and her like it didn't feel good, but she did choose to not feed the reactive track today.

SPEAKER_01 15:39

Yeah, and what we keep referencing, you know, with the wolves, there's a there's a parable that is uh you probably have heard a version of this, right? It's like uh I think it's an I believe it's an indigenous parable, and it's a a grandmother that's telling her grandchildren about two wolves that live inside of all of us, right? Like one represent represents light and presence and intention and love and peace, and the other one represents the shadow side, like the reactivity and the fear and the urgency. Um like yin and yang. Yeah, and both live inside of everyone always. Like you can't just eliminate one, right? Or we're not all just one. And you know, the kids ask, okay, well, which one is stronger? Like which one wins, right? Like which wolf wins? And it's and she says it's the one that you feed. And that's the idea here is that not not how do I eliminate the reactive side, right? Like that side doesn't go away. It's part of being human, it's a part of our human experience. But the question is, which one am I feeding today? And that can be a part of that daily intentional practice. Which one is getting my choices, right? Which one is getting my attention, my time? And a lot of us, if we're honest, are feeding the reactive one by default. It's very easy to do, and it's also very conditioned and supported in, you know, most commonly the workplace. Um, and you know, the source system as well. So that makes it possible to choose something else, but it's not easy to do so. So we're just responding to whatever's loudest. And if we're doing that all the time, then if loud wins, then nothing else can compete with it because that's what's going to be coming through the most. Yeah. Facts.

SPEAKER_00 17:19

And what feeding your intentionality actually looks like is a nervous system that's not in constant threat mode, right? That's not in needing to just have everything be fucking urgent. Um, when you've decided that in when you've decided in advance what your day holds, right? Like what what is your level of capacity? Like, what are you available for, right? And when you've named your top three, this is where like clients with ADHD, right? Of like this, sometimes we are it's like overwhelming ourselves with this to-do list. And it's like, can I just choose the the top two priorities, three priorities that need to get done, right? And it's like, can we keep can we give ourselves the opportunity to take us out of that um that freeze, fawn, or flight response, right? Because it's like that's what happens. We want to do the thing, like we want to do the homework, we want to do the thing we have to do for our business, we want to do social media, we want to do all these things, and it's like, but wait, I can't, I can't move to do it because my nervous system just feels like it's in a stress response, right? So when you named your top three, even when you've like, when you've protected, let's say 60 minutes or like an hour of yourself for like the work that actually matters to you, your nervous system hasn't have to be so hyper-vigilant for the next thing that's coming, right? It doesn't have to brace, it has a container that is supported. Um and gosh, like a container that's supported, a body that's supported, feelings that are supported. Um, in that container, this is when your presence actually becomes possible. Your attention, your focus on what it is the fuck you need in that moment. And it's not a perfect presence. Not that anything is ever perfect on either of these sides, not that I never get distracted because that's that's gonna happen. Um, not that maybe, you know, like your kid comes in when you're doing something, um, but maybe like the kind of practice that you're so present in like what you're doing. And then when that happens, it's like, oh, okay, like I can close my laptop and I've already got some things done now, I can be present and available. Like I had I had this experience with yesterday with my mom of like I had a full day, and because I knew I had a full day, it's like I could come home, I shut that off, and I was like present in her presence, having a real life conversation with her, and it feels really good. So this is um this is what intentionally intentionality gets to feel like when it's actually working and when it feels like it's being able to be where you are. Can you stay with yourself where you are in the present moment rather than dissociating or thinking about the running-to-do list in your head? Like you're actually present in where your feet are, you're staying with your feet.

SPEAKER_01 20:07

Yeah, because you can only be as present as you are intentional with your time. Because the time is gonna keep moving either way, and whether you are intentional with it or not, it's still gonna go at the same pace. And I had a session today with a client that um very similar, where we were talking about this, and she was talking about her daughter, and she said, you know, I blinked and she's already two. And I think most of us, you know, understand that feeling of like, oh, time has gone by so fast, and I didn't even realize it. Like I looked up and I realized that time moves so much faster, and I wasn't even paying attention, is what it feels like, right? I wasn't, I wasn't logging the shit in the meantime while it was moving. And that's not a time management thing, right? It's it's a presence issue, is what's happening. And presence isn't available to us when we're always in that reactivity mode, always thinking about the next thing, because that's we're living in the future, then, right? We're always anticipating, we're our heads always somewhere that we haven't even arrived at yet. So this is where I want to get practical because the in-between is a feeling, right? But it's also a structure. And so if you don't have the structure for it, then the reactive track stays in the default mode, it automatically wins. And the urgent thing is always gonna be louder than the important thing. That's just by design, right? If I were, you know, we go back to our ancestors, if they were walking along or going, let's say they're going to collect water, right? And they hear a big stick break, the water doesn't fucking matter anymore. Like nothing else matters. The urgency is what's loudest and what's the most dangerous, right? At the time. So we are engineered for this, it's not your fault. But the simplest version. Of the structure is two lists, right? And this is to help create some uh some relief for your brain of not focusing on all the things all the time. So we we mentioned this a little bit, but ideally, this is how I help my clients organize their to-do list. Cause what usually happens is we have like this big long to do list that we'll like scratch things off of or come back to, but we're always looking at this list that we just keep adding more shit to than we're ever checking off, essentially. And so the goal is can I separate this into two lists? And you can do this in any organization platform that you use. I believe that simplest is best. So I just use my notes app in my phone. But you could do this on paper if you want to, you could do it in in Trello, you could do it on Notion, whatever you like. I also say that just like when people ask, what's the best workout to do is the one you're gonna do. So use the system that you are comfortable with and that you're actually gonna use because it gets overwhelming to say, Well, now I have to learn this new system to be able to implement this tool. So use the one that's already familiar to you. The first list is gonna be called the Q or the Bank or whatever you want to call it. But this is the master list where everything goes that you just brain dump into, right? So this is where you put everything that you don't want to forget about, and then you can have another list that's gonna be your top three, right? I like to limit it to no more than three. Now that does not mean that you are going to get only three things done in a day, it just means that you're never focused on more than three things at a time, and so that one things move on and off of it. As something comes, gets done, it goes off the list. You can copy and paste something from the master list or the queue onto the top three, right? And that way we're only focused on no more than three things at a time. It really helps to stem that overwhelm that you're feeling when you're looking at that evergreen list that just keeps growing. And if you have to come there, there is a part that's really important, right? Like you need to come to a version of radical acceptance that the big list is never going to be empty, right? The queue, the master list, that evergreen one, it is not something that you finish, it is a storage container. That is where the open loops in your brain stay. It's like all the tabs open on your computer, right? Like it's not ending, it's in the queue, it's stored, you're not carrying it.

SPEAKER_00 24:18

Yeah, it's just to give it out of your brain. And like I like that you just said that because it's like for women listening, and if you're experiencing this where it's like, God, it never ends, right? Like, it's like get that. Can we normalize that shit for a second? You're right, it doesn't ever fucking end. There's always stuff that can go on there. And like, you know what? As much as I know this because I used to do this, it used to feel good to have this big long list. And when I check it off, scratch it off, and I would put on there things I've already done, like a crazy person, right? And like, you know, and it's like I'm catching myself doing it. I'm like, why do I do that? Well, wait a second. I'm not a crazy person. It I do that because it makes me feel good that I got something done because I'm seeing a list that's so freaking long. And sometimes it helps to separate it, right? What's my top three here rather than seeing a list that seems insurmountable? And then it's like, fuck, now I'm having this nervous system response of like, I can't do any of it. Wait a second. Like, I gotta go get junk food dopamine from somewhere else, maybe scrolling or eating or you know, avoiding what I need to be doing. And, you know, this that right there, just naming it is like, can we normalize it? Right? Can we give ourselves, like you said, the storage container? Can we give ourselves um like another place where that lives and then we pull from it? Like, I actually it makes me think of like my client, we were talking about um her off her sewing room was like had so much stuff in it, and it was like it's overwhelming her to get started in one area. Can we take three things out? Can we take a stack of something out and do that? And then can we go back for more? Right. So that's a real nervous system shift, and I don't want to just like gloss that over because one of the reasons we feel so overwhelmed by our to-do list is because our it um it is the thing that keeps our brain is treating like these open loops as like anything unfinished or anything that we're holding on to mentally as low grade threats. Like it's taking up mental real estate and it's not paying rent. It is a squatter in your brain and it's taking up all this thing, which is why people say all the time of like, um, I know what I need to do, but I wouldn't, I didn't do it, and then I avoided it. And then when I did it, God, it is I thought about it for so long, and I actually could have been getting it done, and like that wasn't that bad, right? It's like that's what that's what it is. Thinking about um, thinking about it over and over is taking up so much more energy than actually taking a step to do something for it. So um it's keeping all these tabs open and it's funny as I'm as I'm saying that it's keeping all these tabs open, and yeah, I do that on my computer. I keep all the tabs open, right? It's like God, but keeping all the tabs open, like for each one, when you have 15 tabs running in the background, the nervous system starts to slow down. Uh, it starts to feel scattered, it starts to feel impossible to focus, right? And like, I mean, think about even like with our phones, like there's so many different apps on there, and you're on an app, and then maybe you were texting someone and then they message you a DM, right? It's like again, so many different avenues where there's so many things running, and then you're over here like feeling like why can't why the fuck can't I focus? The the cue is what's gonna be the thing that closes the tabs, right? You're not carrying all those things in your head anymore because there's only so much space and capacity, and maybe they're housed somewhere so that when you're done, you can go back for more. It's kind of like a fridge. Put everything in the fridge from the grocery store. When you're ready to make one meal, you take the shit out you need to make the meal with, and then you don't have to eat all the food you bought at the grocery store. You go and just pull some more food the next meal that you want to make. So, can we house it somewhere to take it out of the forefront of our brain, that that main perception we're having? And then can we also know that um the alone that alone is a relief that the nervous system can feel? Like when we separate it, it's like, oh, okay, like I got that done in this sole time, and like I can feel that that feels different there, and like actually I'll probably be ready to go back for more.

SPEAKER_01 28:27

Yeah, and so we create the safety with the cue, and then again, only keeping the three things on the priority list. And I want to emphasize like not three categories of things, right? Three actual things that you're that you're working on. Because as soon as it's done, it can come off and then you can replace it with something else. Like it's you're not don't try to don't try to cheat and like overcrowd it and be like, well, these three things can count as one category. No, just put the things on there and when they're done, they can come off and you can put new things on there, right? Like be really diligent with this. And then at the idea is that at any given moment you're only ever focused on no more than three. And this is where your wins practice can live, right? Because when something comes off of the top three, you're going to notice it more rather than just getting scratched off of like this really, really long list. Because when it's on the long list, you're always going to compare it to the remaining that's under the 20 things on there, yeah. Right, right. You don't just slide onto the next thing and you know keep it going. You actually take a second to register it because that thing now has to get moved off of that top three priority list. It's like, oh, I did that. You know, it's it gives it a moment and it makes it count. And that is the evidence that you need. That is what collecting evidence for yourself actually looks like in practice. It doesn't have to be some big grand gesture or you know, a party that you throw for yourself every single time. I feel like a lot of times when we talk about celebrating wins, you know, a lot of clients will resist it, right? It's like, oh, like this is dumb. And it's like, it doesn't, we're not asking you to put on a party hat and like have some noisemakers. It's like just acknowledge it. Can you just register it? Can you recognize it? Because then the brain starts to build a different story. It it goes away from I'm just surviving in the day-to-day to, you know, and saying, like, oh, nothing exceptional has happened or I haven't done anything important recently. But am I someone who does what she says she is going to do? Right. And that story is built on those, on those items where I get to move them up. And it's like, okay, I said I was gonna do this. This was one of my priority items for today. Oh, I did that. Can I recognize that progress?

SPEAKER_00 30:40

Yeah. And I want to talk about something that um just lives underneath like all the practicality, the structure that we're talking about that we just described, right? Recognizing the progress along the way, not just at the finish line when you've gotten everything done. Because during like underneath all this structure, uh, without it, the tools are don't stick. And, you know, most of us are taught to recognize that progress. Um taught we're never recogniz we're never taught to recognize that progress along the way. Maybe like that's not where we were raised. Maybe, right? Our parents didn't do that. Um, you know, maybe I don't know. It wasn't it wasn't ex it wasn't an example for us, right? So um we were taught to rec recognize the progress at the end. Like, think about a marathon, right? Like, yes, people are cheering for you all along the way, but it's at the end that's the big, ooh, and you, you know, you you finished and you're taking all the pictures and it's the confetti and you get the fucking medal, right? And so, you know, you're taught to recognize it at the end, at the milestone, at the goal that's achieved, at the thing that's been completed when you graduate, when you get the certification, right? And in that moment, yes, that's when we feel it, but we also feel the distance that we traveled to fucking get there, right? And then like the goalp that moves, that once you get there, what's fucking next, right? What do I do next then? Right? Because I want to feel that feeling again. Um, and when the goalpost moves, that's when we're already looking what's next. So that's when the progress that we did just gets recognized and in that moment, and then it gets filed away. Like, as I say that, it makes me think of, you know, um, on graduation day, we take all these pictures, it's this big moment, and then like those live in a frame that's get collecting dust on the fucking shelf, right? It's like it was this big thing, and I can go back to that moment because it was a feeling in my body, in my nervous system, and but then it gets stored on the shelf, right? So um when it gets filed away and then we start again, which is like where we spend the vast majority of our time, all the space um between the milestones, like giving ourselves, like in between these milestones in the in-between, are we celebrating that? That's normally where we're not giving ourselves the celebration, right? That's normally where we're not having recognition. That's normally where um we're not even really noticing until it is we're like almost there, right? Where it's like, I just need to get through these last three weeks and then I'll have my blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. Right. Um, where we're just pushing and then we wonder why the in-between feels so empty because it's like, God, along the way, I'm literally have my blinders on. It's not like a bad thing to be focused on a goal. Great. We're driven, we're motivated, we're all the things, but like I'm I can't even can I find something to celebrate every single day in some way, shape, or form along the way. And it makes the bigger celebration at the end even sweeter because I was able to celebrate myself through the really, really hard days, like when it actually counted.

SPEAKER_01 33:58

Yeah. And if you're here, if you're listening, you know, you are always working towards something, most likely. There is always a next goal or a next season or a next version that you're trying to build towards, which means that the in-between, that space between finish lines, is not a waiting room, right? It is not where the work actually, it's it's where the work actually begins. Like that's that's where the magic happens, right? Is is in that in-between. It's not somewhere where you just sit around doing nothing, otherwise nothing would happen at all, right? It is where the building actually occurs, whether you acknowledge it or not. So the question isn't, you know, was today exceptional? What, you know, when we're seeking out, you know, what was the highlight of my day or what was the win? The question is, what did I do today towards what I'm building? And that gets to count like every single time. The thing that you want to try is instead of, you know, I need to recognize how far I've come, which feels monumental, which only works at the finish line. Try, you know, I get to recognize my progress. And I get to, like it's a choice. And going back to the intentionality, you have to choose it. It's available today, it's available every day, but it's not only when you arrive somewhere. You do have to choose it.

SPEAKER_00 35:20

Yeah. And you know, choosing it, it's like, again, when you start to do it, it's yeah, it's gonna be like, oh my God, like it's just it's it's like foreign at first. And then when you start to do it enough times where it's like, oh my God, this feels so fucking good when I do this. How did I not do this before? Right. And this is like where that recalibrating comes in. I want to talk about the other side of this because as women, so many of us are, um, God, this is just like the so so much of recently what's coming up. So many times we are taught to do this for ourselves. Uh, like we're not taught to do this for ourselves, but we can naturally, like innately do it for others, right? Because as women, there is in on a spectrum a nurturing side of us of being able to do it outwards, but then when receiving it back, let alone from ourselves. This was a session I had earlier today. Um, it it same thing. Like we're taught to wait for it to come from the outside, whether that's through validation, whether that's through permission, right? Waiting for someone else to notice, waiting for um the recognition to arrive from something outside of ourselves. And, you know, I say this to any client I work with: like, I'm not here to have all the answers for you. I'm here to really be a mirror to you, for you to see that these answers are within yourself. Like they're innately there. It's already within you, but it's like when you start to acknowledge it. It is not about us telling you, it's about you telling you. And, you know, sometimes this does show up. People are gonna celebrate you, right? People um are going to like affirm you. But here's something that like I know to be true. If you don't recognize yourself outside of the that outside validation, it's never gonna quite land the way that you want it to until you start to do that. And when you've lived there for so long, where it's like there's this empty feeling when that stops, because it's like, well, who's the only one that can actually tell yourself that? And she's looking in the mirror back at you. And like if you're not looking in the mirror, well, we need to be looking in the mirror more often, um, and being able to, you know, sit with ourselves in that. So it doesn't fill the space that you've left empty. And I I think that's where if there's a lot of dead space that's empty, that's also a beautiful opportunity where you get to start meeting that differently and you get to start um you get to start like you have a roadmap of what's empty. It's kind of like which holes don't have a peg in them. Great, can I just focus on one? And I fill that peg, then I focus on another one. Um because you can't receive something that you don't believe that you have, right? And if no one modeled this for you and you didn't grow up with this example, um if if the recognition you needed didn't constantly come, then this is like the reparenting work that we talked about. And the reparenting work is you becoming the one who does it, you becoming the version of you who you needed when you were six years old, 10 years old, 12 years old. And not because it's going to feel natural to you at first or it's like, hey, figure this out and do it by yourself. Like, no, it's not. It's gonna be a process, but because the alternative is waiting indefinitely for something that was never guaranteed to come. Like if your mom could it and your dad couldn't, and whatever, your grandparents couldn't. It's like you're waiting there in limbo, but it's like, wait, everything that I'm seeking, like externally is already inside of me. And I'm also giving it to other people. Like this is a big thing. Like you give, give, get out.

SPEAKER_01 38:57

To treat you, and you teach them by how you treat yourself, right? So if you don't recognize your own progress, that's you setting the floor. You're setting the threshold for what recognition looks like in your world, in your viewpoint. And other people are going to meet whatever floor you set. So if you want to be celebrated, start there, right? You set the minimum, you set the bar. That's just how it works. Like, again, we're mirrors for each other.

SPEAKER_00 39:22

I think, you know, what's interesting, I want to touch back on this before we move on from it, is like we are constantly giving, giving, giving. And I think that subconsciously is the thing of like, well, if I give, give, give, I'm gonna get it in return, right? It's for an expectation that I'm gonna get it in return. And that's not the fucking case. Like when we start, when you learn that lesson, it's like there may not be capacity on that other side to receive it in return. But what's really beautiful is when you've given it to yourself, where it's like, God, even if it's not coming back, that's okay. I get to give it to myself and I can still love this person, accept this person. I could still um, I could still like have compassion for this person. I could still like witness this person and and take what is available from them and cherish that and celebrate that and you know, like value that. But I could also see that what I'm needing in this is okay for me to give myself to. And it doesn't, I don't need to, I don't need to basically project what I'm needing that this other person can't give me in that moment.

SPEAKER_01 40:28

Yeah. So here's what we want you to walk away with today. The in-between is not just a concept, it is a daily practice, right? It has two parts. Part one, give the important things a place to live, right? The cue that holds everything to give your nervous system some of that relief. And then the top three is where you put your attention for the day, right? You decide in advance what gets your focus. That's the other part of the intentionality, right? It's like I'm choosing this intentionally. I'm not going back into the default mode of oh, well, I guess these three urgent things that just came across my desk are the top three. Something can get replaced as need to, right? That's normal. Shit's gonna pop up, but you're intentional about choosing it. So you decide it in advance. You don't wait to see what's just loudest. Right.

SPEAKER_00 41:14

Not everything back to the default. Not everything has to be available to you at all times. Like everything doesn't need your attention and availability. You can decide this.

unknown 41:24

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 41:24

And then part two is you notice what you did, right? Not just when you finish the big thing, not when the whole list is completed. What was the step that I took today towards the goal that I'm working towards, right? And then let it count, even if it was small, especially when it's small, right? And that's feeding the intentionality side. So we're filling that bucket, one choice, like log the win. And it's like that little tick on the dial.

SPEAKER_00 41:49

Yeah, you know what? What I want you guys to do when it's so small, when it's uncomfortably small, where you're like, I'm not fucking celebrating this, right? And it's just like, oh, of course, I did the thing, it's easy. I want you to make it so big, okay? I want you to like, I do this all the time. It will be something so small, but if it's like if that's been the thing that I'm struggling to do, I make it big, I get excited, I dance about it, I, you know, put it in all caps. I make it big because maybe that's what your nervous system is needing for it to recognize it as that. And it's like if it's so small and that I know that that's the minimum threshold that I'm doing, when I make it a big deal about it and how I'm celebrating it, it it counts. Just as if it was a birthday or a party or a promotion or all the things. Like, can I make the small things big? Like, great, you hit 40 grams of protein at breakfast. Fucking amazing. We're here for it, right? You got your eggs, you got your your breakfast sausage, all the things. Like, if you hit 10,000 steps, like have a dance party in your kitchen, shake that ass. Like, yes, this is the shit that you're wanting to celebrate, make it big. And if you're listening to this right now from a place that, like, yeah, yeah, yeah, guys, this all freaking sounds good, but you're not sure that you believe it yet, that is completely fine. That's okay. You're still listening to the podcast, you still showed up today. You may not believe it to start, but the belief is not gonna be the thing that comes first. The evidence is gonna be the thing that comes first. So if you can, if you do the smallest version of this, the very smallest, and you let it count, your evidence is gonna build. And then one day the story has, and the day like the story has shifted, it's not gonna be because you forced it, it's because you fed it. You fed it in the direction of where you're actually wanting to go. You were low and slow about it. You took it at your pace. You decided to start small and allow yourself to grow because that's progress. And that's exactly what this is. So we're happy that you listened today. And if this landed, share it with someone who needs to hear it. I know I needed to hear this, and I'm so grateful that I heard it then and that I'm also hearing it in different versions now because. This is not a thing like you've ever arrived. Like we both experience this. Everyone experiences this. And you know, this is how this work spreads when we can have an experience of this of our own and we talk about it and we're vulnerable enough to share that, like, hey, yeah, this is what's actually happening. Um, and you get to share with someone else.

SPEAKER_01 44:23

So thank you guys for joining us today. Please like and subscribe, rate and review. We appreciate it so much. It means the world to us. And we'll see you guys next time. Yeah, we'll see you in the next episode.