Ep. 36: Self-Trust Isn’t a Mindset, It’s a Nervous System Skill

You’ve been waiting to feel sure. Waiting to feel ready. Waiting for the fear to stop so you can finally trust yourself. But self-trust isn’t a mindset. It’s a nervous system skill. And the fear you’ve been waiting to disappear? It’s not the problem. It’s the signal.

This episode dismantles the idea that self-trust is simply “thinking positively” or becoming fearless.

Because most women don’t struggle with knowing.

They struggle with feeling safe enough to follow what they already know.

So they will respond with “I don’t know” because they aren’t 100% certain but when a woman says I don’t know this tells her body she can’t fully trust what it’s saying.

This episode explores:

• the difference between mindset and nervous system trust
• why fear doesn’t mean “don’t do it”
• how women disconnect from intuition
• the quiet ways life keeps trying to redirect us
• the pressure, softness, and expansion that precede transformation
• and what it means to stop performing worthiness and start embodying it

This is the episode for the woman standing at the edge of a life she can already feel…

…but hasn’t fully chosen yet.

Follow along, tune in, and let’s get into your next mindset shift!

It means the world to us if you would rate, like, save, share, and most importantly hit that subscribe button! And if something you heard today hit home for you, share it with your world. There is plenty of room at our table.

She looks like she has it together.
But inside, she’s tired of being the strong one.

Request A Remix! If you’re stuck or in a situation you want a new lens on, submit your dilemma anonymously below for a mindset remix from us on a future podcast episode!

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Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:00

Welcome to the Low and Slow podcast. We're your girls, Crystal and Lakin. If you press play today, trust. You made the right decision.

SPEAKER_02 0:09

And know whenever you're listening to this, it's exactly the right time.

SPEAKER_00 0:14

We invite you to pull up a seat to the conversation. Get curious about your current perspective.

SPEAKER_02 0:20

And lean in for the opportunity to see yourself in another woman's story.

SPEAKER_00 0:24

We created that girl magic because we've been where you are.

SPEAKER_02 0:28

Here, the talk is real and the breath is steady. Let's get into your next mindset shift.

SPEAKER_00 0:36

I think women have been taught that self-trust is a mindset. Like if you just think positively enough or you journal consistently, you do your affirmations, finally magically trust yourself.

SPEAKER_02 0:52

Yeah, and if that hasn't worked yet, you must not be doing it right, or you just don't want it bad enough, or you just need more time.

SPEAKER_00 1:01

Yeah, but here's what I know to be true is that self-trust is not mindset. It's actually a nervous system skill because you can logically know the answer and still feel unsafe choosing it. Right. You can know what you want and still freeze at the moment it's right in front of you. You can know who you are and still shrink when someone starts to question it. That is not a thinking problem. That's a body problem. Right. And thinking harder is not going to solve that.

SPEAKER_02 1:38

Welcome to the Low and Slow podcast. Or your girls like it in Crystal. What are we talking about today?

SPEAKER_00 1:46

We're talking about what act what self-trust actually is, right? Why sometimes we think we need to be fearless to do the thing, right? And fearlessness is not actually the goal here. Um, it's how we start building the real thing by taking action, by starting somewhere. And I want to start with something personal, uh, because for a long time I wasn't actually living in self-trust. I was performing what I thought worthiness meant or looked like. Um and what I mean by that is I was constantly trying to prove, um, prove to myself and prove to those around me that I was good enough, right? I was deserving of the things I was doing, that I was valuable. Um and with each step along the way, like every achievement um was like another piece of evidence that I was collecting, right? Every relationship that I held together was proof that I, you know, I was worth keeping. Um, and every time I showed up perfectly, right, I was adding to the case for my own worth, right? And having this personal experience where it's like, God, it's fucking exhausting. It's exhausting uh to just be performing worthiness. And when we're performing, it's that actually never lands, right? You can perform it for years and you can still wake up in the morning and not quite be a hundred percent sure that you've earned the right to be here, aka like the imposter syndrome, right? Um worthiness that has to be constantly performed doesn't actually feel like safety in the body. So a lot of times it's gonna feel like, okay, I've survived all these things, and now I get to the place where I actually can do the thing, and now I'm still feeling like, well, wait, this doesn't, this doesn't feel okay. This doesn't feel safe, right? Because it's a performance. It's not um, it feels less authentic, right? And when we perform a performance, right, when you're on stage, it requires an audience, right? And audiences can come and go and leave, but then what you're left with is like this feeling of like, okay, I did all this to get here and and now what?

SPEAKER_02 4:09

And the difference between performing worthiness and embodying it is more than just a mindset shift. That is a nervous system shift. Performance of worthiness is I will be safe when I have proven enough, or um, I have to earn it, right? But embodying worthiness is more like I am safe without needing proof of it, without performing and in the middle of the uncertainty, right? In in the mess, in the middle, like even when it doesn't feel like I have the outcome that I'm looking for, or I have the certainty that I want for that safety. And you cannot think your way from the first to the second, right? You have to, you have to live and experience your way there through small repeated experiences of showing up for yourself and not abandoning yourself throughout that process when it would be easier to do so or feels easier in the moment. And every time you follow what you know instead of what's comfortable, or when you hold the line instead of, you know, allowing to collapse under the weight of other people's opinions or what makes them happy, every time you choose yourself before you have any type of proof or certainty that it's gonna work out by doing that, that is an embodiment rep. And that is how the body starts to learn that you are actually safe in that position, that you know, everything may not work out, but you didn't leave yourself amongst that. You stayed with yourself and you stayed true with yourself through that. And that's where that power comes from. That's actually where you get that certainty.

SPEAKER_00 5:53

Yeah.

unknown 5:54

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 5:55

And I think the biggest thing is like when I look back on when I look back of being in that performance mode where it's like, God, it so often we want this to be solved for us when we're really the only ones that can solve that for ourselves. And like this is not something that also that can be taught. Like it has to just be experienced. You have to go through the mess to feel it, to give yourself new evidence, to like almost like run an experiment with yourself where it's like, okay, I'm gonna start staying with myself here, still show up anyway. And like this self-trust is not like a Girl Scout badge that we earn, right? Like, that's the biggest lie we've been sold about self-trust is that the goal is to become like where you're not scared of doing anything, right? You're absolutely fearless. And like it, that's actually complete bullshit because anybody who's doing something different than they've done before, or that is like a feels like um stretching to their nervous system, it doesn't mean they're not scared. That just means they chose to do it anyway.

SPEAKER_02 7:02

Um, you couldn't do it in the absence of fear, right? It's like bravery requires fear. You have to be afraid of something to be able to overcome that sensation, to be able to get through the discomfort and get on the other side of it. If there wasn't fear, there would be no bravery.

SPEAKER_00 7:18

Yeah, yeah. I mean, I think about like too, like um all those videos that you watch of people on the edge when they're about to do like hang gliding or jump out of hot air balloon. Like it's like they're scared, yeah. And there's a point where their their body's taking over and it's like you can't move, you can't move, but you literally can. You just have to keep like inching your way, inching your way. And that's exactly like what happens, but we don't realize that. And we think that um, like there's a version of us on the other side of this work that's just gonna wind up not being afraid anymore. Like if you know, they're gonna be the one who just steps in and it's they're gonna do the thing in the best way possible. They're gonna be, they're gonna be able to make decisions without their stomach dropping, they're gonna be like in this place where they've finally arrived where fear has stopped showing up. But I want to tell you that that version, not to bri burst your bubble, but that that version doesn't exist. And chasing her, right? I was chasing her, has kept a lot of women frozen at the edge of the life that they actually want. And because of their, because of that fear of like not wanting to jump or just wanting to be fearless before they do the thing and they not walk the line. Um, so what I actually became in that is not fearless, but actually starting to become safe within myself, where if fear still shows up, I'm staying with myself through that. If uncertainty shows up, that's okay. If my stomach drops right before I do something, cool, right? Like I'm aware of these things and I'm not, I'm not saying, oh no, I can't keep walking here. Like my body knows um, my body knows something it didn't know before, and that being able to say, I'm not gonna abandon myself inside that decision, even if it's something I've never done before, even if it's stretching, it's like whatever happens, I'm gonna stay connected to me through it. And I'm okay with experiencing fear. If anything, this is where we talk about like pushing, um pushing yourself to those edges, right? Like you've got to go to the edges so that you can feel that fear to be able to overcome it, like you said. And like that's the shift. It's like I can experience fear and still be safe enough to hold it. Um, not because in the absence of fear, but because of the presence with myself inside the fear. Like I'm in there with myself. I'm not just I'm not waiting on the outside for it to not be scary.

SPEAKER_02 9:49

Yeah, and that's where all that, you know, that self-doubt comes in. Like when a woman says, I don't know, she almost always knows. We know, not always with 100% certainty, but if we were honest with our intuition or what our body was saying, like the body has the answer. The b the body is always giving us information. The I don't know is often a lack of um it well, it's a protection strategy, right? Like we think it's a lack of information, but it's really just a way to protect yourself. It's the way the nervous system avoids having to be accountable to what it's already sensing. And if you say I don't know, you don't have to act on the knowing, right? You don't have to choose, you don't have to risk the run the risk of being wrong, heaven forbid, right? It's every time you say I don't know, the thing your body is already answering, like to the thing that your body's already answering, you are teaching your nervous system that your information is not reliable. Like I can't rely on you to give me quality information. I can't trust you when you're trying to tell me something, when you're trying to warn me about something. And that is when that signal gets quieter over time and we become disconnected and it's really difficult to hear or to translate those signals anymore. It's not because our intuition just disappears or it's like our gut instincts go away. It's we've actually trained ourselves not to hear it. We're putting on fucking earplugs, right? And being like, I don't know why I can't hear you anymore. We've muted that over time.

SPEAKER_00 11:32

Yeah, because it's like so it's so many times it's there's been things that are distracting that, right? Or there's been things that it could it the body starts talking enough, but then if you're not listening, then it starts to like she, like you said, become muted or start to show up in other forms to like get your attention.

SPEAKER_02 11:51

Um we've talked about this before when we compared it to like children, right? Where it's like if a child is coming to you repeatedly and trying to voice a need or trying to call your attention to something over time, it's either going to be disheartened and be like, well, this isn't working, or it's gonna throw a fit and like seek other ways to get your attention, aka physical symptoms.

SPEAKER_00 12:18

Yeah. So for anyone listening right now, if this is resonating with you, um, and I just wanted to like let's bring up fear for a second, because that's the main feeling, right? The uncertainty, the, you know, uh what you think you don't know right now. If fear wasn't a part of how you were feeling about anything, I had a client be um this week, she wants to start a business and she's scared to put herself out there on social media because what will other people think about her, right? And if fear wasn't a part of how you are feeling right now, what what's one step that you would allow yourself to choose? Right. And I think like that same question can be applied to so many different areas where at first we want to think our way through it with our mind. Don't answer it with your mind right now in this moment, but just notice in your body what arrives first. Because it's like your your body is gonna have a response, right? Of like, here she is scared of putting herself out there for social media, but then she's like, I would be really good at this. And like it kind of made her a little bit excited when we did that. And so just being able to, I think we so often let the mind take over, and we forget to also have the body be a part of that conversation. Um and you know, this arriving or this safety that we're talking about before the logic catches up, that's what the knowing is. Like when someone's like, my intuition, I have a deep inner knowing that maybe I can't explain, right? Or maybe if I haven't been listening to that, that I feel disconnected from, can we start to just work, work with that in small ways to like get that back online? That doesn't just magically leave us, it just becomes an unexercised muscle.

SPEAKER_02 14:01

Yeah, like for me personally, this you know, this really resonates as far as how my self-trust has developed over time, in that I used to allow fear to slow down my pace significantly, right? Like I couldn't move forward until I had worked out every worst-case scenario, predicted every potential outcome, felt prepared to handle any potential upset. And until I overcame that fear through overanalysis, at that point, then I could take that step forward. And over time, I have crafted enough self-trust to have the belief or the faith in myself that I have this inner knowing that like I'm gonna, I'm gonna figure it out. Like it doesn't really matter what comes my way. And now I can not it's again, not that the fear is not there, but I can move through the fear. Like I'm gonna move forward no matter what, even if the fear is there and I'm gonna move with it instead of fighting it.

SPEAKER_00 15:04

Yeah. I think what's important too, just even on that that point is like I think a lot of women think it's like, oh, well, do and I not have that fear. It's like when a lot of women who are living in survival mode, you do, you just don't even realize, right? You've just feels figured out for so long where it's like when then something is actually coming up where you're like scared about or to take the on the other side. Why? Because it's like you can't see what's gonna happen on the other side of it. There's uncertainty there. It's like there's so much noise that essentially is getting in the way when in reality, like every like the body's talking, we just have to kind of separate out what is what is the external noise for a second so that you can hear what's coming internally. And then like exactly what you said of like I'm always gonna figure it out. When your back's up against the wall, you do figure it out. But what happens when you start to figure it out, when you can start to figure it out before you get there? Like I think it's like it's only in a pinch, or it's only when things um like when things are bad enough where we need to then make a change and our back's up against the wall. But like if we can start to work on this prior to when that happens, then it's like that all those times, all those reps where we're doing that, that's what's actually building our trust. Because each time that I listened and I took that into account, right? I didn't have to, I didn't have to go all the way to the extreme in order to like prove myself that I could do it. Like it's incremental along the way. Um, I honestly think that women really do already know far more than they let themselves on to believe, or far more than they let themselves act on, right? Like the intuition is there. We are intuitive beings. Our body is speaking constantly, it's been speaking. Um, and it's saying things like, This is draining me, right? Like, I don't have it, this no longer fits. Like, I don't have the energy for this. This is this is um there's more for me than just this. Like, is this it? Um, this is something that makes me feel alive, or this is something that is feels heavy, right? So, like just this specific language, I'm sure there's different topics that women listening can um associate with those specific statements. Um, and I think most women really, it's like in this unlearning, right, or deconditioning process. Most women have been so thoroughly conditioned to prioritize logic over sensation. Performance over truth or safety over aliveness, like fully expressed, right? And that's where in each of those the body's getting overwritten before it even finishes its sentence. So it's like, you know, especially uh if just with the first one, logic over sensation, it's like, oh, take the feelings out of it, right? It's like, well, yeah, taking the feelings out of it is a lot of times cutting us off from what we need because the feelings are gonna let us know what we need. Right. And I think just in the construct of like, you know, if it's a man's world kind of thing, right, where nothing the the systems out there are not specifically like designed for the woman. So I think it's very important where if you know, if we have lived a certain way where we start taking that back and saying, okay, well, what like what do I need in this? And if am I operating out of conditioning? And if I am, like, where can I start to get more curious around maybe areas I'm performing or maybe areas that I'm not being fully expressed in. Um, and the body's not gonna just stop speaking, it's just gonna find other ways to get the message through to you, right? So sometimes life is gonna get loud without necessarily having to make noise, right? This is why when we're it's like you're you're riding that burnout phase where you're doing all the things, and then one day you just feel off, right? Or one day you're just like not feeling it like in your normal energy and you don't know why, right? It's not always that it's chaos. Sometimes this is repetition. This is the same message trying to come up in different angles, right? Like, like think about um like a sewer system, right? If one area is stopped, it's gonna have another drain to come out, right? Um, this is the same discomfort showing up in different situations, right? Sometimes when um something's happening in one area of our life, and then okay, then it's with this relationship, and then this happened at work. It's like the same thing showing up in a different costume. Um, this could be the same longing that keeps resurfacing no matter how busy that you stay, or the same nudge, or the same tapping on the glass, right? Until you stop and ask, like, okay, what is all this trying to tell me?

SPEAKER_02 20:14

That message is gonna come through in different different ways, right? Like one way is gonna be pressure, like um the kind that builds until delaying becomes more painful than moving, right? So it's like this internal pressure that says, like, you know, you already know you should be doing X, Y, Z. You already know this is what should be happening, right? It's not asking you to be ready, it's asking, like, are you willing? Like capability is there, is willingness there? Are you gonna make a move or not? Right. The another way is gonna be softness. And I think softness asks harder questions. Like, what do you actually value? Or does the way that you're currently living reflect what truly matters to you? Because people will stay in really draining situations, not because they love the situation itself, right? It's it's that the pain hasn't become unbearable enough yet. Because people really resist change. And softness is the signal before it becomes unbearable. It's like that quiet ask before any of those loud, symptomatic things come up, right? It's like it's the please. Like, please, can we make a change? And then another one is gonna be expansion. So this one is one that gets really romanticized until people are actually in it and experience it for themselves because what you prayed for doesn't always feel peaceful right away. And more often than not, it's not gonna feel good at first, right? Because again, nobody likes change. And sometimes expansion can actually feel really terrifying. And the old identity that you've been embodying has a really hard time holding the new reality, and it may not be available. For that yet. So when you're, you know, right at the corner of excited and everything in you is like wanting to pull back, that's going to be what expansion feels like. Like you talked about earlier, being right at that edge, right? And it's like, I have to decide if I'm going to jump or not. And all three of these types of messages, like they're the same message. They're just showing up in different ways, right? It's different forms of communication. But the message across the board and the common thread through all of these, it's like, it's time. It's time to take action. It's time to make a change. It's time to do something different because what's happening right now is not working. And this is where women tend to get stuck. It's, you know, it's not that they don't have a vision, but that vision often feels too big for the version of themselves that they currently trust. So if I don't trust the next version of myself, then how can I allow her to lead me to where I actually want to go? Right. So they then they shrink it. They shrink the vision because this feels more palatable. I can handle this. They shrink the vision to fit the current plan. Or, you know, they shrink their truth for the sake of comfort to fit the comfort of their current identity. Or a lot of times what's really sad is like we see desires shrink, right? To fit approval, whether it's the approval of my current identity or the people that I'm surrounding myself with that are attached to that current identity. And there is a sacrifice in that, right? Like when I shrink my aliveness in order to fit who I think I should be or who I used to be, then I'm giving up something on the other side of that. And a lot of people will call that being realistic, right? Or practical, or you know, don't get too ahead of yourself. But let me be really clear about what that really is, right? It is your old identity that is speaking from that place. And it is protecting itself very fiercely from the new identity, from the new potential reality by making the new reality small enough to feel safe. And the thing about that is that your purpose does not need to pass a background check with your current comfort zone, right? Like that's not gonna happen. The current version of you is never gonna be like, hey, I know everything feels really comfortable and safe right now, but I really think we should hop off a ledge and do some wild shit, right? Like it's not gonna happen that way. It doesn't need to get clearance, but it does need your participation, right? That is what is required. Not certainty, not like 100% confidence that it's gonna work out, not even evidence. And you know we love some evidence, ladies. We'd be preaching about evidence, but it just requires your willingness to show up for it to take the one step before you have any of the other answers. That's the trust.

SPEAKER_00 25:09

Yeah. I think if you're at this part of the episode, if you didn't listen to last week's episode, go back because we say it's not a capability issue, it's a capacity issue, right? And it's like because that old self has reached its capacity in this new self that this new identity that you've been building that you don't have trust yet for, the only way you're gonna learn to trust her is by doing the thing. So I want to speak to something specific here because I think it's one of the most important things in this conversation, and something I had to call myself out on is like if you're hiding a part of yourself right now, the soft part, the fully expressed part, the playful part, maybe the emotional, the really vulner part, the creative part, the part that maybe feels too much or wants too much or is too much, whatever the fuck that means, right? Like stay close, stay close to her, right? Because it's those hidden parts of you that are often directing you towards your next version of you. And I think when we look at this next version of us and it's so different than who we've been before, that's where the fear is. It's because we don't know her. So can we take time getting to know her? That's really the version you've been longing for. That's really the version that when you decondition all of who, maybe who you weren't even, but that you became, right, to survive your environment or just to, you know, fit the mold or whatever. It's this version of you that you keep shooting on yourself for not being yet. And it's like the things that you've been suppressing are not actually random, right? They're not actually flaws that need to be managed. They're breadcrumbs that have actually, if we start to like pick them up, they actually lead us to who we who we really are. I've been really like chewing on this idea that it's like so often when you start to decondition yourself, everything that you became and built your identity around, like, is that actually even you? Or is it just who you needed to be in that moment? Right. And then when we start to try on different versions of ourselves and find, right, pick up those breadcrumbs, like that next version of you is not somewhere you need to arrive at. She's somewhere where you need to stop leaving her at. Like it's somewhere like go back, right? Detour, whip the car around and pick her up. So if you're getting to this part of the episode, I want you to intentionally pause here and ask yourself: what part of yourself have you been keeping quiet? Because you're not sure if that part of yourself is welcome yet. I just want you to sit with that question and notice what's around what arrives, what comes up for you. This is not a coincidence. This is not like this is not here by accident, it's not random. That is the direction, right? That's the direction coming from your body and your purpose, again, like it doesn't what you said earlier. It doesn't need a background check. Like your purpose does not need approval from your comfort zone. Your comfort zone, aka your nervous system, yes, it's there to protect you, but even when you're doing the thing that you're fearful of or that you're uncomfortable in, right? That requires participation. It just needs your participation. So it's like, okay, I could be scared of shit, but am I doing the thing? Am I here with myself? And did I show up? Yeah, I'm I'm doing that and I'm still showing up. And that's where I'm I'm really starting to build trust in. Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 28:52

I just got this really funny image of like, you know, like you have like your girls around you, like maybe, maybe in even like a previous version of yourself, right? Where like a lot of times your friends that are in your environment, the ones that you've collected around a certain identity that's maybe not serving you, are not always like leading you or like participating with you to the version of your best self. Like they're very attached to the version that you are now, right? And then like maybe a new partner, let's say a new man is popping up, right? And it's exciting, but it's also doesn't feel very safe. And you know, you got all your girls being like, hold on, I need to check up on this man. I need to do some recon. I need to, I need to look into him, I need to do a background check on him, I need to screen all this stuff. What's this gonna be like? We don't know what's he gonna do to our dynamic? How's he gonna change up what's happening around here, right? Like he's gonna be stealing your time. You're gonna be doing new things that we don't like to do. You're gonna be embodying this new identity that we don't want to participate in. That that's your nervous system, right? Like, that's literally your comfort zone. That's everything that you think is keeping you safe could be keeping you from from the best fucking thing that could have happened to you. You don't know.

SPEAKER_01 30:01

And it could not work out, but you won't know until you take a step and trust yourself along the way. You know what I'm saying?

SPEAKER_00 30:08

Yeah. And I think, like, you know, it's not to say, like, right, your nervous system or your homegirls, right? That's it's not to say that there's no value in that, right? But I think especially when I think it's like when it's external and it's a person, it's like, okay, that's external. I could still go back to like what I know. But if you don't have trust with something internally and your nervous system is saying that, it's like this is where it's like, oh, wait, can I just start to build? Like, I need to build the relationship with her first because then you stop defaulting to things externally because you have something internally to go back to.

SPEAKER_02 30:43

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 30:43

Right? Like, think of the internal as being like, I don't want to say AI, but like you have to run whatever through yourself first to see what you spit out first, rather than running it through everyone else and then not knowing if that's even what you want to do.

SPEAKER_02 30:59

Yeah. So I want to talk about how to build self-trust in a practical way, right? Like willingness before certainty, because I think it's a little different from what most people would expect because it doesn't start with the certainty or the confidence. You know, it doesn't start with being fearless, like we talked about early on. It again starts with that willingness, like willingness to make moves before you have the proof, to listen to your body even when your logic tells you to wait or to fear consequences, to stop abandoning what you already know just because the knowing is maybe a little bit inconvenient to the current reality that you're living in, right? And every time that you do that, every time that you act on what you sense before you can fully justify it, you build new evidence. And it's not, again, not the evidence that everything is gonna work out perfectly, but it is evidence that allows you to have that sense of, oh, I showed up. You know, I didn't wait for certainty to be brave through this process. My instincts were pointing me somewhere real. And that's, you know, it's I'm listening to that. That evidence is what builds the new track record, right? And that track record is what starts to build the trust. We start to get this momentum. And that trust is what is going to make the next step after that available because now I've shown myself that I can trust the direction that I'm leading towards. And, you know, that's you don't need to have the whole pathway lit up with, you know, runway lights to be like this way, before you can just take just the next step. Just focus on the next one.

SPEAKER_00 32:45

Yeah. And from the nervous system side, right? Here's what's happening when you do that. Every time you follow the knowing and you stay connected to yourself through it. Like I've been giving a lot of my clients recently this homework of like, let's practice staying with ourselves. And in staying with ourselves, that's you know, what are we feeling? Noting and naming the feeling, uh, asking ourselves, what is it that we need? And then also a lot of times with the feeling, what have we been making that feeling mean about us? Right. And working through that. And then when we catch the pattern, can we it here's the opportunity where we can do something different, right? So if you're staying with yourself through that, the nervous system is going to continue filing that as new data, right? I can trust myself even while feeling uncertain, right? The discomfort didn't mean that I was wrong, right? Um, I came like I still moved through it and I'm still okay. Like I was still safe after that interaction, even when I spoke up, right? And over time, with enough of those pr new reference points, because again, your nervous system is just a previous record. And if the last thing that it has been updated on was moving out of fear, right, that's gonna be its default. But if we start to give it new reference points, then the system starts to update its baseline, right? It starts to it's stretching its capacity. The fear stops be the fear stops being a stop sign, right? And it starts being a signal. Which that right there alone, it's like, God, we've been all living at stop signs rather than just the little yellow warning sign of like, hey, this is something new we're doing, right? The signal that you're close to something that actually really matters. It's a signal that your old identity is being stretched. Right? It's a signal that maybe this next version of yourself is right there if you allow it to be. If you stop waiting, if you if you can it's waiting for you to stop actually treating uncertainty like there's danger, like the danger sign is not there. But if we're living from a place of fear, that's how it feels. Right. And so can we just start to see it as something different? Self-trust here is not in the absence of fear. It's the nervous system learning, okay, I can handle who I'm I can handle becoming who I'm meant to be. And even when I fear, feel this feeling of fear, right? I know what to give myself. Right. It's like the fear is not the thing that's taking over. If the fear is driving and we're just riding along and like a passenger in the car, right, we're not gonna get to where we want to go. But if fear is just in the car and it's letting us know, like, there's a hazard ahead, right? It's like, oh, okay, thank you, GPS, for letting me know. And I'm gonna still keep going because I know where my destination is, right? So this is not just like it's not a thought here. Like I can handle, I'm I can handle becoming who I'm meant to be, is just not something that pops up, right? This is an experience. This is off of taking like reps, taking steps, right? It's one small lived body rep at a time. And I think because we have because we get stuck in not taking one foot in front of the other, it's like we stop ourselves before we even collect enough evidence that we can keep going.

SPEAKER_02 36:16

Well, that's part of the reason why. I mean, this ties into one of the reasons why we talk about, you know, acknowledgement or celebrating. You know, we're really, really good at checking the boxes on all the ways that shit isn't working out, or all the ways that things are working against us, or, you know, the decisions that maybe we are listening to that we move in and when we stumble, and that's the highlight that stands out, versus can we acknowledge the things that are working out in our favor when we do listen? Can we be intentional about celebrating that? That's also reprogramming that nervous system response.

SPEAKER_00 36:51

Yeah. And again, like maybe the goal wasn't to never become fearless because that's an emotion. Like, yeah, that's normal. Like maybe the goal was actually to become safe enough with yourself internally so that fear is no longer the thing that's driving and controlling your decisions. Right. It's like I don't want to be, I actually don't want to be fearless. I want to be fucking free. I want to be able to know that whatever I decide is like that's what I decided. And whether it was right, wrong, whatever anyone had an opinion on it, it's like you're free to feel the fear rather than just let the fear control you. Right. So, like, um what uh the client I was telling you guys about on social media, right? It's like I did a practice, a thing with her where it's like 54321, just do it, right? Like post it or, you know, just do something, take a action, right? It's like, okay, she's gonna feel the saying, feel the fear and do it anyway, because she's still moving towards the thing that she really wants, right? And she doesn't have to have that all figured out in order to take a step. Like you're free to be uncertain and not have it all figured out. Like there was a time where I got rid of all my things and I was like, I just want to travel and I'm gonna let go of everything. And like, did I have a plan of what that looked like after? No. And I was so glad that I did that because it stretched a new edge for me of like, I don't always have to have a fucking plan. And I'm a Virgo, I like to plan, right? But like it was, it was I needed that to like stretch me to show me that it's like you don't always have to have it all figured out and like being free in the uncertainty is actually freaking refreshing because you're still trusting the step that is available right now.

SPEAKER_02 38:40

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 38:40

Right. And for me personally, that time in my life, like I needed that. That was part of me building that self-trust of myself. Um, that's what allowed me to even start this business, which was like, okay, yeah, we're doing this. Um so free versus being like instead of being fearless, being free. You can be free to be in your process without needing to be at your destination before you even begin. Like you don't have to know where you're arriving at just to start. That is really where self-trust is. And I think that that comes from a convicted place. Once you have given yourself enough reps of that, it's not just a mindset shift. You can have that shift, right? But this is not gonna give you the feeling that you're actually um like waiting for. Like this is a nervous system skill that you start to build one rep at a time. And it's because you're willing to take the shit like to step on the shaky. Okay, think of like walking on a bridge, like you're stepping on all the shaky bridges, even because you know where you're getting to at the end, but like you're you're you're you're not letting, you're not staying stuck by that one, which honestly you may on a shaky, shaky step just fall right there because you're stuck there. But if you just keep moving, then you'll get to the end faster.

SPEAKER_02 40:01

Yeah. So your homework for this week. I want you to find, identify a place for yourself where you've been saying, I don't know, to something that your body already answered, already knows, right? If you were really honest with yourself. Not like a huge life decision, but just like one small place, one moment where you know the knowing is there and you chose to override it. And ask yourself, what would I do if I trusted that? What would I do if I listened to the knowing? Right. And you don't have to act on it today, even though we talked about how important action is, you don't have to act on it, but just stop pretending you don't know, okay? Because you know. Acknowledge that for yourself and let that be the first rep. Like let that be the starting point. And then if that feels good, try out the action. Maybe you surprise yourself.

SPEAKER_00 40:59

Yeah, and even if you know, okay, hear this homework, take that. But if you if we could just start somewhere of like catching ourselves saying the I don't know, because your body's catching it, maybe you're not really catching it that you're saying that, right? So often I will clients will say I don't know in session. I will say respectfully, no, you do know. Let's circle back, right? Tell me if you're telling me you don't know, but so tell me what you do know. And if we just start to even get in that practice where it's like all the places I'm saying I don't know is actually like we need we need to revisit there, we need to detour that.

SPEAKER_02 41:34

Yeah. Sometimes I'll say, like, if you were to assume, what would you say? And I'd be like, Yeah, that assumption, that's your intuition.

SPEAKER_00 41:42

Like, yeah. Yeah. Or like, yeah, or even just I think even just asking in that way of like, um, when fear is present, like if you know that that's the emotion and you can name that, it's like, okay, if I wasn't scared, what would I do here? Because then that's the internal, right? That internal guidance. Um if this episode hit home and you heard or you felt or you saw yourself in this episode, I want you to share this with a woman who keeps doubting the knowing inside of her. Maybe whether that be her intuition, maybe in a decision, right? If you're standing um at the edge of a life that you can already feel, like, can you allow this episode to be permission to trust the information that's already inside of you? Like I say this all the time with clients I work with. I'm not here to have all the right answers for you, but I am here to be the mirror to mirror to you to show you that you do have these answers already within you. And it's just about being able to listen to them and give them the space, right? And stop waiting for certainty when your nervous system finally believes, like, okay, I can I can handle who I'm becoming here and like who I'm who I'm meant to be. And that's gonna start with me making that decision, me being available for that. So we appreciate you guys tuning in as always. Gosh, we've been seeing our um subscribers go up. We are so happy for that. So we know that you're sharing it with peeps, and um you know, comment, like, share, subscribe, let us know which episodes are really hitting. We have to shout out the mother episode for a second because that episode Yeah, that one slapped. That one slapped.

SPEAKER_02 43:30

We got really good feedback for that. That's another thing. If you are if you are a client working with us currently and you send us positive feedback, put it in a review, girl, because that's where I want to see it. I appreciate it so much. I love the text messages, I love the emails, I love all the kudos, and I would really love it if you would just copy that shit and paste it into a review because that's what will help us to grow. So it would mean the world to us. If you are singing praises, sing them on those five stars, baby girl, because that's where it matters. Please and thank you.

SPEAKER_00 44:01

Yes, yes, for sure, for sure. Anything else for them, Lake? Lake the snake.

SPEAKER_02 44:07

That is it, ladies. I hope you enjoyed it. We always appreciate you listening. If you made it this far, remember to keep it low and slow, and we will see you next time.

SPEAKER_01 44:16

Bye.