EPP: Meet Aula (Shy gals can jump on the mat too!)

This week I sat down with my friend Aula. She is everything we hope for when looking for a partner for class- friendly, helpful, positive, and inclusive. On the mat she shines and she is dedicated to bringing out the best in herself and others. It was a surprise for me to hear that she considers herself introverted. Off the mats she is reserved, shy, and usually only speaks when spoken to. She has found safety at her gym and my hope is that you find that too! May her story inspire you to invite a friend or maybe take a chance, like Aula did.

Transcript

SPEAKER_01 0:04

Hi everyone, welcome to Emily's Pajama Party. I'm your host, Emily, and I'm so glad you're here. Each week on Emily's Pajama Party, where you learn a little bit more about someone's journey into jujitsu, maybe a couple strategies or bits of information that will make you a better grappler, as well as the accessibility of the sport. So I hope you have fun and let's jump into this episode together. Each week I talk about different ways that I am going to get better personally as a grappler. And this one's really interesting. I talked about frames before, but for me it's really important to remember that frames are more important over force. Bigger people can bench press, smaller folks, or just really a little. Maybe good advice for everyone: you can build structure with your frames. Women especially should become frame monsters. I always try to remember keeping my elbows glued to my ribs. Knees are such great shields. Forearms focusing on hips and necks and cross frames inside control. Frames, let your skeleton do the work, not your muscles. I've heard time and time again from different women about how they feel like their arms are weaker or not as strong. And yes, compared to legs, absolutely. And so letting my skeleton just do the work seems like such a better path than trying to muscle out of it. If I were giving one superpower for myself, I would really would love to have strong frames because it gives a chance for my brain to breathe and everything to settle just a little bit. Okay, so you know me around here. I am a sucker for a good story. And truly, everyone that I see walking down the street, the people on the mat next to me, my neighbor, everybody has a story that is just as unique and special as they are. And so this week I'm super excited to sit down with my friend Ala. I reached out to her in a group because she's in Canada and I'm California, and hooray for the internet, that we can be friends. I love her story. I started picking her brain about what she could talk about. And she was mentioning that she felt kind of awkward or quirky because she's an introvert. And I have been dying, low-key, to have an introvert on a show. But asking an introvert to talk about themselves is kind of what is it, a backwards idea? Because generally they keep to themselves. So why would they want to open up with me and all of you folks listening? But it was really interesting to hear her why. Why has she been more guarded? And is it a choice? Is it a safety mechanism? And as soon as I heard her why, I was like, ah, this is an entry point. This is going to help others. And so I'm so excited for her to share your story and listen in as I talk to my friend Ala. Ala, welcome to the show. I'm so glad you're here. I'm so happy to join you. So we get to start from the beginning, like we just haven't talked. But now we got to warm up and know each other. So for those who don't know you yet, how would you describe yourself?

SPEAKER_00 3:06

Well, I would say I'm a very, very quiet person until you get to know me. So I initially, like if you just met me, uh you would be like, oh, she's so quiet. I does she even talk, but once you get to know me, you're like, oh, please just shut up.

SPEAKER_01 3:24

I love it. So yeah, that's what are some activities that you like outside of jujitsu? What kind of things do you gravitate towards?

SPEAKER_00 3:32

Honestly, it takes most of my time outside of like school and work. So I would say jujitsu and jujitsu.

SPEAKER_01 3:41

I love it.

SPEAKER_00 3:42

So how did it come into your life? A couple years ago, back in 2022, I was looking for self-defense, anything self-defense. So I searched up Google, I was like, something self-defense for women, or women class self-defense classes or whatnot, and it popped up. I had no idea what jujitsu was whatsoever. And even like signing up for the trial class, I did not know what I was getting myself into. But going into it, I had the friend sign up for the trial class with me. So when I found out like online, I was like, oh, there's a class. And I was like, hey, do you want to come with? I don't want to go alone. So she'll and then surprise she was like, Yeah, let's do it. And then that's how it began.

SPEAKER_01 4:29

I'm curious, were there other options available whether it's a couple different choices, or you just went with the top one?

SPEAKER_00 4:36

I went with a top woman's class. So they place I started at had a very strong women's class there. For a year into my jiu-jitsu, I only did women's classes. So I never like didn't really get into the co-worth classes or whatsoever. It was girls specific clas like only woman on the mat, everything. And I think that helped me like begin and even like continue for that matter.

SPEAKER_01 5:06

That's curious that at that point in your life you decided to jump into a self-defense class. Had that idea ever come up beforehand? Was there a catalyst for a reason for you to join think about defending yourself?

SPEAKER_00 5:18

I've always wanted to try martial arts. It's just culturally where I grew up, like not where I, but like the family that I grew up in, or like the culture that brought me up, kind of idea. Never really made sense for girls to do martial arts. But growing up, I was like, why can't women do it? Like it's some I've always wanted to do something that like society tells you not to, kind of thing. I'm like, oh they're saying no, so it means yes. That like that's how my brain us usually goes. So that's essentially how it like began. But for like self-defense aspect of it, I used to take transit to school and like whatnot. So I was like, okay, if something was to happen and at the time there was a lot like news of like ladies and girls getting like attacked or like different things. I was like, I want like even like the slightest tools to help me like okay, I won't freak out. I won't I would be able to like send it for myself. I might get hurt, yes, but I won't like die or like something worse happen.

SPEAKER_01 6:25

So I think it's yeah, I think it's really interesting knowing even the basics of self-defense. I will do whatever I can to avoid a fight because I know how much things hurt, like even the ground, like a when you go to one gym and the mat is kind of thin versus another one that's kind of springy. I think I carry myself differently. I try not to be the victim because I know how serious a fight can be. So good on you for reaching out for self-defense.

SPEAKER_00 6:54

Yes. So like I always think like people tough people out there, they think, oh, if there's a fight, I want to be in that fight. But the more you do muscle arts and the more you do jujitsu in specific, you're like, oh, as far as away. Like the best distance we tell the kids, we're like the best distance for self-defense is far, far away where you can just wave hi to the person. Sure. If they're close, that's not really like at that point, it's not there. But you do what you gotta do to protect yourself, and given like different situations, is yeah.

SPEAKER_01 7:29

It's kind of funny. My circle of girls that I do things with, they're like, Oh, we want to go with Emily because she'll fight the person. I'm like, Are you kidding me? I am gonna run away. There is nothing in me that wants to start a fight with anybody because it's serious. I'm like, I'm gonna get behind Nikki. She can she can fight.

SPEAKER_00 7:47

Yeah, they're like, Oh, she can like protect us she can do that. I'm like, yeah, I can. Do I want to? Do I want to test it out? I don't think any of us want to ever test anything out on the street, especially. Yes. But knowing deep down that yes, if the things do go wrong, and like I am put in that position where I have to protect myself or a loved one, or like for that matter, that we have no choice of like leaving the scene or whatever, yeah, I I will just hold that person down. I wouldn't even like for say attack or do whatever. I would just probably hold them in like a mount or like an armbar, like without actually physically do it finishing the thing, just holding them there until like police or something, somebody that can do something.

SPEAKER_01 8:36

That's so smart. Yeah, definitely. I know it. I don't want to use it, but it's there if I need it. That's really important. Yeah. So you're kind of keep to yourself, a little quiet. You're like, hey friend, come join me. What did it feel like stepping in the gym for the first time?

SPEAKER_00 8:53

It was nerve-wracking. I was I didn't know what to expect. Like, like I said, I signed up. It was like Brazilian jujitsu for women or whatever. I was like, okay, whatever that is. I even I didn't even like look up Google. I didn't know what it looked like. I didn't ever know anything. So coming in, I was like, oh cool, they're in pajamas. Was so I knew like it was traditional like martial arts kimonos, whatnot, but like I didn't expect it to be primarily on the ground per se. I was like, oh, similar to judo, maybe. Like that, like I think that was the closest I ever like thought of. But I had no idea what I was getting myself into.

SPEAKER_01 9:41

Now, do you think what was the most overwhelming part for you? Because I know when like the eyes on me, it always makes me nervous that I'm going to be a good enough partner for whoever I'm working with. Is there a part that was especially tricky for you or hurdle that you had to get over?

SPEAKER_00 10:00

I think like starting out, I'm I was always the bigger girl. Even though I wasn't like as tall, I'm very short. I'm only 152 centimeters, so five foot. So I'm very short. But I'm very chubby or like very full kind of thing. So I've always been self-conscious about it. I think that to me was the biggest hurdle to get okay. I'm okay to be like heavy, like it's I'm it's so it's fine. Like I could use my body, and like in certain situations, that helps. I'm like, I could use it, and it was so funny. The first time I ever like even thought of it was my friend that did the child class with me. She we both ended up signing up together, and she was like, Allah, use your body, use your weight pressure. I'm like, oh, you mean that?

SPEAKER_01 10:55

So yes. I think it's one of the coolest things about jujitsu is when we say it's for everybody, really every we need like the tall, lanky people have one game, and the shorter people have one game, and the little I I call like I have a friend and I say she has bird bones because she's like like super thin and just really lightweight. There's a place for her, there's a sturdy girls, like everybody can find the right path for themselves. It's not like we're swimming in the same pool trying to get across because it's we have a different set of superpowers than the person next to us.

SPEAKER_00 11:32

Yes, and that like for a while I was like, oh, like when the professor or coach was showing a position, I'm like, it looks cool, it looks whatever, but then when I try it, it doesn't work for my body. So I'm for the longest time I was like trying to make them work when it they won't. I had to like adjust to my body, and like as I went through like the years and whatnot, it helped me like shape of like basic oh, so like triangles. I still like have an iffy like relationship with triangles. I have short thick legs, so triangles are early my best attack, but if they're locked, if they're like strong, like I get the triangle locked in, they ain't going anywhere. So um I just learned to adjust, I guess, like to certain moves. So like triangle itself, maybe like not fully lock it, but like squeeze the thighs, even if there's like this light gap in the top, but like if it's tight, it's tight. I love that.

SPEAKER_01 12:38

Now, as we talked about, not sure what it is, you brought a friend along, you walked through the door, you realize that you are one of a kind and you bring your special skill set to the mat. And what helped you feel comfortable keep coming back? Because I would imagine, as kind of a quieter person, it can be harder to join something new or reach out or get to talk to people until you really feel safe. What was there anything, a system in place, a village for you that you found?

SPEAKER_00 13:10

I think honestly, it was the women's class there at the time. My professor herself um is a black belt like in Jujitsu. She's not the like largest person, she's very tiny, like small build, but she's really, really good. So, like the first time like I had rolled with her, I was like, Wow, you just flipped me and I'm like twice your size. This is awesome. I want to be that, I want to learn like that. I want to like eventually be able to do that. So I think that kept me going. And like having just like that women's community of like supporting each other, being there, and like my gym at the time only had two women's classes, but then I would like, oh, just two classes? That's too little. For the first couple months, it I only did the two classes, but then eventually my professor used to teach at different locations, so I would follow her from like one location to another. So it was yeah, it was one of a kind relationship. I love that.

SPEAKER_01 14:17

I love that you're like the creepy that you're like, oh, I'll follow you there, I'll see you there there tomorrow or an hour.

SPEAKER_00 14:25

I I did yeah, I didn't want to do like m coet classes at my gym. I wanted to do like just the women's classes, so I was like, okay, since you're going there and it's a woman's class, I'm coming. I thought so it was certain days we would do one class together and then we would drive separately or like commute or whatnot, and then we go to another location for that same day. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 14:46

Do you think I know um for some women like mixed gender classes is very easy to adapt to. Some people it's kind of a barrier. Do you think maybe it was like a shyness barrier or like was it a cultural? Was it just a life experience piece?

SPEAKER_00 15:04

I think it was both cultural and like just being scared, intimidated kind of thing. I not meant I I don't want to say all the guys, but usually they're very intimidating. I'm just very happy, like my my current gym. Like all the guys are very friendly, they're very welcoming towards like the woman, like they let us choose our partners. Like we even if you're the only girl in class, you choose your partner, all that kind of idea. So it's very welcoming culture. And I don't want to say all the gyms are not like that out there. There are definitely gyms like that, but not as many as we think. And I think that is a barrier for women starting to do suit. So I I am a huge advocate for like women's classes once or twice a week could really change like the community within a gym.

SPEAKER_01 16:01

Sure. I I can understand, especially being of short stature or a weight thing, and there is just such a difference if you're going to be competing against somebody that like on the mat, like if I go to a tournament, I'm not going to necessarily work with someone that's 6'5 or 6'3. It's going to be someone that's typically more my size. Not to say that's not valuable, but that is a very different kind of skill that I'm going to be working on versus like comp ready or tournament ready.

SPEAKER_00 16:31

Yes. So most of my competitions, because I usually compete on a regular basis. Most of my competitors are much, much taller. Because just because of like my heavier weights, like whatnot, and but being shorter, so I'm more like condensed in a way. So everybody I would go with are like bigger and like scarier looking. And I'm like, oh hi, up there. How are you? This yeah, it's a whole like different challenge out there. No, and I'm like trying. I would say this. And I'm trying like to go for like grips and whatnot. I'm like, hey, come down here. I need your grip.

SPEAKER_01 17:14

You too can be scary. It doesn't matter how tall you are. I love that. I hope. I love that. Okay, so that building that comfortable, building that community. And I know that I'm a pretty outgoing person. I think I found different safety in different places, but I know that I can definitely get drained going to a concert, or I work with little people, and so I'll do like puppets and like being on stage. That can be really draining. It did you find with jujitsu that social battery that peace is drained? Does it amp you up? How does jujitsu relate to that?

SPEAKER_00 17:58

It definitely does a little bit, especially um after because I assist with kids classes and whatnot. So especially after those, I feel like I need a little bit of like to myself, even if it's like five, ten minutes, whatever it is, just to like collect myself recharge, and then usually my class comes right after the kids' classes. So I'm like, okay, that time to me, like the drills, the positions, whatnot, is where I recharge. It's just me and like a partner, and then we don't even need to talk as much per se, which I like at most times I like. I also when we do drill positions, I like to like do voice effects just to like because I'm very awkward. I'm an awkward person. So if they're not talking, I'm not talking, we're just staring at each other, doing like certain like there's certain moves in jujitsu where you're like, I don't want to look at you in the face doing it. So you try like I try to do voice effects just to take away a little bit of like that awkwardness that comes with it.

SPEAKER_01 19:05

It is such a funny sport and um and activity, whatever. There's so many different things that we could label jujitsu. And I have some friends that like narrate it like third person, like, oh no, what's she doing? But it's like of herself, you know. Or oh no, I love it. Don't get me in the arm bar, or like we'll do that during like drilling techniques. We'll be like, ooh, went for the grab, blocked. Now I'm gonna get you an arm bar. Oh wait, you defend, and it's like we're just like almost like a fight scene in a movie.

SPEAKER_00 19:34

Yeah, but it's definitely like me and my friend when we do like p drills or even rolling for that matter. Like, we're like as we do the takedown, the person falling, we're like and then or like as we get the p like a sub or something, we're like, okay, oh sh we're in triangle again. Oh no, how did we end up here? And then we're like freaking out, but like we're still like trying to collect ourselves while doing it. It's yeah.

SPEAKER_01 20:02

It's a very funny sport with a lot of trust, but there's a lot of really funny things that happen on the mat.

SPEAKER_00 20:10

Yeah. I don't think like things that we go through on the mat, like both physically and emotionally, I don't think we get anywhere else, to be honest. I think I've been I you try to like keep myself from like showing emotion outside of honestly, like the mat. I barely anybody has seen me like cry or like do something outside of the mat. I think the first time I cried was at like at a competition or like post-competition, and it was just with a friend, I had to hide my face because I don't want to show it. But then I felt so comfortable with that friend that I was like, okay, when she like looked at me, she hugged me, and I was like, it just started pouring. I was like trying to smile through it. I was like laughing until she hugged me. I was like, oh no! Why? But yeah, it jujitsu does that to you. It opens you in like ways that you never thought you would.

SPEAKER_01 21:12

Absolutely, absolutely. And it's so funny that you say that the people in jujitsu don't know that you're an introvert because they only see this other side of you. I think that goes so much for the safety and what a great community you have around you that you found.

SPEAKER_00 21:28

Yes. So usually like if I'm at school or whatnot, I'm usually that quiet person in the corner. I'm not even like you I don't usually even sit in the middle of the class. I'm like usually either in the back corner or like even front, but like corner wise, like so I'm like outside. I would observe everyone. Like I could see the whole class, they just don't have to pay attention to me. So I'm usually that kind of person. But like in jujitsu, I I'm the loud person. I'm like the one talking to people. I'm usually inviting parents to oh hey, your kid is. Doing jujitsu, why not you? I'm like trying to get more like moms and like people on the map. So when my like high school friends would see like me post online of like my jujitsu things, I like I have another friend that I've been with since high school, but she connects with other high school like people that I I'm like okay, I know them. They just we weren't that close because I'm that introverted in high school. So she would tell me, she's like, oh, they were talking about like how you're like outgoing now. I'm like, yeah, it's just selective. I don't think I would be outgoing with them.

SPEAKER_01 22:39

Yeah, I totally get that because there's a safe, as you said, like you know the limits, you know the vulnerability, you have all that space with people that also feel like it sounds like they know you so well and you can trust them. And that trust takes time to build up. But I think in jujitsu, we build that trust faster because we have to be in such close quarters. And also safety-wise, if you're trying to choke somebody or break their arm, you really hope that they're going to be gentle with you as you can be with them as well.

SPEAKER_00 23:08

Yeah, like you're literally giving your life in between somebody's hands. Like they're they have a chokehold on you, or they're like not even rolling, but like just position-wise, they're practicing chokes non-stop on you. You're like, I hope if I tap the let go, otherwise I'm gone. So, like that level of trust of like, okay, my life is in your hands, and I trust you enough to not like basically kill me, essentially. Yeah, definitely. So you just choose not to.

SPEAKER_01 23:39

What do you look for? What would be like ideal gym for you? What do you look for to help you feel safe or feel willing to try or step out of your comfort zone?

SPEAKER_00 23:51

I really think again, I go back to women on the mat. Like coming into a gym. I would hope there would be like women on the mat, even if it's like assistants, like coaches, people just rolling, like being in class itself. I think plays a huge role into like realizing what the atmosphere at that place is. I think women have like a set different energy that they bring onto the mat. Is I don't find it with guys, like it's a lot is different. Like the energies they bring is very different. So I think if I was to walk into like a completely new gym and the mat is just guys and no girl in sight, front desk, nothing, there's no girls, I would get out. I'm not saying I'm out. But if there's like women and like they're inviting and like the whole atmosphere you could tell by like the way the head coach or like the owners or like whatnot talk to you, especially if you're a girl going into a new gym, like the kind of questions they ask you, though like everything, you get like a vibe kind of sense of like okay, I could train here without like being what X or everything.

SPEAKER_01 25:12

Do you find that your quiet is ta attached with like anxiety or it's just kind of soft spoken? Because I can imagine if it was an anxiety thing, like there could be parts of jujitsu that could be really frightening, but also other parts that could kind of talk to that, like the repetition of jujitsu or the technicality. What do you how do you kind of fall between the two?

SPEAKER_00 25:35

I think it's a mixture, honestly. A mixture of both. I never thought of myself like when I started jujitsu for the like when back in like 2022, I never thought I would ever compete. Just the thought of like being in like an pla area of like people watching you like quite literally get choked out, or like worse, like basically, I was it just frightened me. But then when I did do it, I was like, oh, it's not as bad. There like nobody judges you, and no like I think the fear of like judgment keeps a lot of people from doing things. And I think jujitsu is no different. I think a lot of people avoid starting jujitsu or get in like on the mat itself out of like fear of oh I'm too old. What if like people judge me for like starting? Oh, I'm too young, I don't know what the heck I'm doing. What if I don't have people my size? What if I I'm too big? What if I'm too small? All of like those thoughts I think play a huge role into how people, especially women, when like they want to join a gym or like step on the map.

SPEAKER_01 26:47

Yeah, it's there's some maybe that's it's like a me thing or a woman thing or a person thing. I think so many people are watching me, but really they're just thinking about themselves just as much as I'm thinking about myself. And so it's kind of nice that it's it's nice to overcome that. It's you know, it's fine to have those ideas if it doesn't limit me. I can test it out and say, like, look, you're right, like it's not as bad as I thought it was going to be. I can still learn, I can still grow.

SPEAKER_00 27:23

I think that like that was the biggest part to me. Like my first competition, I I literally got submitted within like the minute. Oh, and then I left happy, I was smiling through it all. I was like, oh cool, I like I survived that. I did like it's fine, nobody cares. And like I thought like people would be judging me, would be like, oh you suck, you don't do this, but like I nobody cares. Quite frankly, nobody does. Even like now, uh like people then your people at my gym, they're like, Oh, I'm gonna wait until like I'm better at jujitsu to start competing, or like I'm gonna get X amount of like classes or whatever before I start. Like they want I want to compete, but I'm gonna wait. I'm like, no, start, try it out. If you fail, you learn the what's the worst that can happen? You can tap. I love that. I don't that to me is the best part about jujitsu is okay, I'm uncomfortable, I like getting choked, I'm whatever. I t tap, reset, done. You don't have to, yeah.

SPEAKER_01 28:31

Do you find that these things you've learned through jujitsu have carried over off the mat? Or do you feel like you're all all those two different people? There's like jujitsu version and like live version or street version.

SPEAKER_00 28:45

A little bit, but I'm still like a different me, like at school. I'm still like that quiet person, but when like people start talking to me, I'm a little more open to like talking to them. As to before, I would be like, they ask a question, I reply, and then I shut off. I used to I'm like, okay. They're like, oh, so when are you free? And then I give them a date and then shut up. I'm like, I'm not engaging, I'm not like saying anything. As to like now, I'm a little more confident in a way of like, okay, whatever I say is is fine. Like there's not not so much of like that fear in my head of like, oh, they're gonna judge every word I say. I don't think they even remember my name after.

SPEAKER_01 29:29

I love to hear about how you're interacting with parents, and I love that you've become an advocate for bringing more women on the mat. And I love that you're talking up all the families that are coming in. You should try it out, it'll be great.

SPEAKER_00 29:43

It it's so funny. At my current gym, I've like I'm known as like the recruiter of like the ladies, because like every family that comes in, or like every woman there I talk to essentially, I'm like, hey, so come on the mat. There's one of the ladies there. I've it took me a whole year to convince to come on the mat, and she's finally on the mat. I'm like it took a while. Uh every time I would tell her, she's like, No, it's not for me, I'm not doing it. Like, it's she's like, I'm not built for this, like my body can't handle. I'm like, try it out. You might be surprised. So essentially, she did do a class and then she got hooked. I'm like, see, this is what I've been telling you. And now she's like at three stripes, four stripes. I'm like, yes, this is what I mean. You're stuck in this, you're now you can't leave.

SPEAKER_01 30:34

Now, how are you confident going to like open mats? Will you now roll with different people? Do you typically stick with the familiar ones that you know?

SPEAKER_00 30:46

I do typically like open masks aren't so much like I train at Gracie Baja, so we don't have as many open masks, but when we do, I do love ho like going there. I've been trying to host like woman-only open masks and like get other locations of like Gracie Baja within my area to like get that like open map kind of idea, and then host like one every two months or whatever at different location. And I would like invite my girls from my gym, girls from other locations to like essentially meet up and grow the community.

SPEAKER_01 31:23

Now, you said you're under the Gracie Baja. Do you go do you stick mostly to your gym or do you still hop around to other locations?

SPEAKER_00 31:32

Before, like I said, when I was at my first location, I used to train with um that black butt female. I used to hop around with her wherever like she would go. But now I stick to my current gym. But if there's like an open mat or like a seminar of some sort, I would like still go to those like other locations. But I would I'd like to stick to where I am right now. I'm usually there seven days a week. I'm there every day. I'm what you call an addict, or like I I essentially live there. I think I'm gonna move in sometime. I don't think I don't know how the owner would love it, but I think I'm moving in very soon. I live there practically like you some days. I'm there for like noon class, and then I go eat lunch, and then I do like after school pickups because we have like after school programs, and then I would go back and then we do the kiss classes, and then I do evening classes, and then I'm home by like nine. So essentially the I see like my jujitsu family more than I see my actual family a lot of the days.

SPEAKER_01 32:40

That's so funny. Now, what would you say? There's all sorts of different personalities in this world, and as we talk about getting anyone that's interested in jujitsu trying, if someone was soft-spoken, quiet, introvert, what would you say for one of them that was curious about starting but a little bit hesitant?

SPEAKER_00 32:58

I would say I I would like honestly, I would be like, okay, go for it. I know it's scary, but life is scary. Nothing in life comes easy. And I think being on the map helped me see that even more. Nothing is easy. Like we get into positions in jujitsu where we're like, why? Why are we doing this to ourselves? We signed up, we're paying for this. But on the flip side, it helps you become more confident, more like I don't know what the word, how do you like just being stronger, I guess, uh in face of like adversity and like just hardship and like everything, and you like face things head on, and you're like, okay, if I fail, it's fine. I'll just restart, redo it. Same thing with like Jujitsu. You tap, you reset, you go.

SPEAKER_01 33:56

We're just gonna work into the part about this. It's like our fourth time trying to record this podcast today because oh my goodness, the internet was not helpful yet again. But we're like, you're and it was so sweet, you kept saying to each other, it's fine, it's fine. We can try again. Sure, you can call me in 10 minutes.

SPEAKER_00 34:15

Why not? Yep. It's life. It's I think being on the map for a while, I think that's my biggest takeaway. Is it's fine. Like nothing in life, honestly, other than death, is worth like stressing over.

SPEAKER_01 34:34

I think it's interesting, like just to that point about technical failures. It's very interesting, it's very curious to me that like during technique practice, you're like, we're gonna try, let's say, the bump and roll. You tuck the arm, you tuck the leg, hips up, whatever. And then you practice it one person. What? And you go back and forth 20 minutes, you're going, you're going, you do situational, and then you go to do it live. I don't know if it ever happens the first time. And I feel like that's so important for me to remember. Like just because I tried it once and it didn't work, doesn't mean it's a complete, complete failure. Sometimes it's times times seven, eight, nine before it finally works out.

SPEAKER_00 35:13

And sometimes it's even like different bodies too, like different moves. You might be amazing at like that one thing, but it might not work against everybody. Different bodies require different like techniques, different things to try on. Same thing with life. Like if you face a problem, you keep trying the same thing, it might not work. So maybe tweak it, change it, might work.

SPEAKER_01 35:36

And I think you brought up an interesting part earlier about going to different gyms. And I've said it before on the podcast, you never know what's going to be home for you. And if you want to be at a school that competes a lot, you're you might want to look for a name because I've heard a couple times of people leaving gyms so that they could go to a different one because they wanted to compete and they just couldn't on smaller gyms. But some people that are hobbyists that have no desire to compete, that's not going to be a barrier for them. And I think there are just a lot out there.

SPEAKER_00 36:08

I think that also plays a lot like a big part of like where I am right now and like my home gym. People usually uh I know there's a lot of things going on on the internet about like Gracie Baja and like the whole like thing of like it being money oriented or whatnot, like just as a whole. I personally love the Gracie Baja like idea of like having schools everywhere in the world, especially like as a woman, as an introvert, as like all that. I think like going to a like a Gracie Baja, say in Europe or like in Japan or anywhere in the world, there will be the same mat, same blue mat that we're used to, same uniform, so like nobody's gonna be, oh, they're so fancy, they're in like this bright, amazing new gi. Oh mine is like very old, is not very dull. It's everybody's equal. And like when you go there, it's the same curriculum for the week everywhere in the world. I think to me that played the hu biggest part of like choosing to stay with Gracie Baha and just their idea of jujitsu for everyone, and they uh really mean it. So no matter your age, no matter your sex, no matter your body like size, type, everything, uh there's space for you and like at the place and my current gym itself. I would say we're competitive, but we're also hobbyists. So we're a mixture. Like we have so many hobbyists. We we have l a group of competitors and we bring results. We have like our gym is not next month we'll hit two years of like this location opening up. Uh and since then we've had many, many trophies at like different competitions, uh given that we're like a brand new gym, but we still like gave results of not and we're not super compet like competition oriented, but we do have like those classes for those who do want to compete. So it's there's space quite largely for everyone. If you w just want to play around, we like you could come to class. If you can if you want to compete, we have classes for those. Like it's different for everything.

SPEAKER_01 38:28

Right. Right. And I love that entry. So if someone is anxious about starting, looking for a trial class, looking for uh the basic fund of bundles class, bringing a friend into class with you. And like I I know many people that have gotten into I got into it because my boyfriend's like that was his home gym. And then there was a women's class, and then a friend of his was, she was in the class, and so then Jenna became my rolling buddy. And it's just nice to have somebody that I love the accountability of starting something new and having people reach out to you. Hey, are you coming to class this week? Can you stick around for another class? You know, it's nice to feel that sense of belonging in whatever is comfortable for you.

SPEAKER_00 39:16

Yes, I used to always be like even my friends' groups. I used to be like that quiet person in like the group. So like people would be texting, people would be talking, I'm just there observing. And I would like occasionally send that one text of like, oh, I'm here, hi, I'm alive. I can I'm seeing, I'm reading everything, I I know what's going on. But like now with like Jujitsu and whatnot, we have our own like girls group chat, and like we have a main chat for like everybody in the gym, and I'd be like, I would be the one initiating like the text, the messages, and whatnot. So I think that shifted like something in like my personality in a way. Like there it's different, like just you feel like you belong in a place and you're like there to stay, essentially. You're like, I'm not going anywhere, I'm here. This is home.

SPEAKER_01 40:06

It's kind of funny. I don't know if it's a misnomer or whatever, but I think just like my own perspective of things, like Emily's pajama party. I'm talking to all these people. But if I go to a new place and I'm the only one, I do a lot of observing. I agree. Like I sit back, I wait to see who's talking to who. Um, if there's already a group of established girls that are friends, I kind of have to feel it out. I don't want to go over there and like jump in the middle, razzle dazzle and loud because then I worry about how that's the perception's going to be. So even the other day I went to a morning class and there were two girls warming up together. I was like kind of on the side, and then they invited me over, and it was just so sweet. And I think you having that perspective of being on the outside and having people reach to you, I'm sure it sounds like you've done such a nice job of being that recruiter, but also being welcoming. And I think that all of us have those times when we're feeling a little nervous or shy.

SPEAKER_00 41:09

I I think I became that person on the map because I felt that like going in. I was like, I always hoped I was like, oh, I wanted somebody to be there, like I was. So like now, like newer people, especially the shyer ones, the quieter ones, I'm always like inviting. Like if we do a night out for like the adults or whatever, I'm always inviting them. I'm like, hey, do you we're hanging out? Do you want to come? We're going to eat after class. Do you want to join us? All that kind of thing, I think helps build the community and is super important. I don't think people realize how important it is just like the small talks. Just hi, how are you? How is your day? Just like that line, I think, will help somebody either like stay or leave, essentially.

SPEAKER_01 41:58

Absolutely. I was about to ask you what your favorite part of training was, but I I can see so evident doesn't have to be your answer. But like I love the community piece that you brought. Is there a part of the training that is your favorite? Is that a part of class or something? I don't know.

SPEAKER_00 42:17

I I would say like the community itself is like what essentially keeps me like going back. Like just having like that place of like connecting with people, having like that family essentially there. And like you know, if like if you go quiet, they'll actually like reach out. They're like, Are you okay? Are you alive? What's going on? So I think that is my favorite part, other than like just honestly training and like seeing where it goes, like learning something, like adjusting, and then like competing, even like and then even if you're don't win at competition, you're like, Oh, I didn't know that. How did I fall for it? Or like I I remember one of my competitions, I like I didn't know deep half at that point, and I was like in half garden, like a coach was yelling at me, deep half, deep half. I did not know what deep half was. So after that, I made a promise to myself, I'm like, I gotta learn that. I need to know what that is. So now it became my main like game. Like my the main thing that I do is deep half. I love that.

SPEAKER_01 43:28

It's so funny. Yeah, with your just stand up, and you're like, I would if I could. I just don't know how.

SPEAKER_00 43:37

Yep. Or they're like, try. Sure off. I swear I'm trying to look up. I just can't.

SPEAKER_01 43:45

So funny. It's so so relatable. And you talk about like that observing and watching. And I think those are many skills, like even from childhood, so many of us have learned. Maybe we were teaching. Or something happened and it was safer to kind of build those walls up. And it's so nice that you found a place that you can let yourself try and be vulnerable and get out there.

SPEAKER_00 44:11

I think it was definitely one of the reasons I became like that like shy and like introverted was like the teasing and the everything. When I I came to Canada in when I was eight years old. So I wasn't super young and I wasn't super old. I was at like that age where you start realizing like different patterns in people and like oh they're like looking at me a weird way. Oh they're like talking behind my back, they're doing that. You start like collecting all those thus and like at the time I was like that's when I started building like a very protective wall again, like in front of myself. I was like, I'm not gonna get hurt, I'm gonna stay away, I'm gonna build like that little like circle around me. I'm like, I don't wanna get touched, I don't wanna like interact, I I'm okay by like staying alone. I was like, I don't need people, I I'm okay. I I had like that trust, like little trust issues of like trusting people into like what if if I let them in? But then they hurt me. I didn't want to do anything to do with that. But growing up, I think I realized that is inevitable, so like it will happen. You let people in, you think they're like there for life, and then they leave. But I think with jujitsu you learn to that is fine. Is people come and go. I think since I started I've I think there's only three people that like from the old like group of us that are still training. Everybody else left, everybody stopped for one reason or the other. And I think that made me realize it even more so.

SPEAKER_01 45:53

If you could tell little Allah then and she could see you now, what would you tell her?

SPEAKER_00 46:02

I'm gonna I'm just gonna say everything's gonna be fine. Just be you. You don't have to change for anything or anyone.

SPEAKER_01 46:13

That's such a powerful statement and and like so relatable because gosh, we we form all these experiences and to know as adults we're still growing and we're still changing and we're still experiencing. And that's so awesome. I love that we don't have any choice but to adjust and change with jujitsu. Like, as you said before, a move that might work for somebody might not work the same for you, whether that has to be an adjustment or maybe it's not part of your game. But like one of my previous guests was talking about learning it just so you know where the weakness points are or how to counter it. Because there's always there's always gonna be someone faster or stronger or whatever, but that doesn't mean we still can't be formidable and we can still get the upper hand just because of your partner.

SPEAKER_00 47:01

Yeah, like Spider Guard, for example. I'm sure I have short legs. I don't think Spider Guard is a smart option for me. I don't think it will ever work. I don't like I don't like using it. It hurts my gross my fingers hurt after like that class. I'm like, what do people choose to do this? I don't get it. But like I'm when we do do it in class, I'm like, okay, let's try it out, let's see. Like I tried to experiment with it. And even like for that week itself, I tried like to only play that just to see. I'm like, okay, I know I don't like it. I know I'm it's not gonna be full like on into my game plan, but if I do get into that position and I have no other options, I could have it as my backup.

SPEAKER_01 47:45

It's good, it's good to try it out because you really just never know what's going to be your new move or something. We've been doing all like we had a week of like barambolos and wedges, and I always roll the wrong direction, and there's no way faster to learn than being in a live roll, and you're like, whoop, nope, that was the wrong way. Now I'm just rolled right into their they now they have my back.

SPEAKER_00 48:08

Show me with like chokes, especially from the back. They have me in a choke and I'm like turning and I'm like, why is it getting tighter? Oh, oops, the other way. Oh my gosh, I did that all the time. They're like, Well, you just helped me. You are like getting stuck in a triangle, and then you're like, you go blank, you're like, which way am I turning? Am I turning into the choke, away from the choke? What escape am I doing? And then all of like those thoughts go in like within seconds, and you're like, I don't know what to do, I'm freaking out. But I think that's part of like how Jiu Jitsu is so interesting, and like what keeps people coming back day after day. It's like a little puzzle they're trying to figure out, and I don't think anybody ever figures it completely out.

SPEAKER_01 48:56

I agree, it's always changing. And you're right, if I keep finding myself in the same position, I can either learn not to be in there or learn how to get out. But what something's gotta happen. The other day I was doing something and I got it was yet another triangle, and I'm like, oh man, because like mid-roll, and the girl laughed because I'm like, that's like the fifth one tonight. So okay, now I gotta go work on that at home.

SPEAKER_00 49:26

Yeah, I always like ask my coaches, I'm like, what's the best like escape from like a certain position? And then they're like, don't hate us, and then they're like, don't get in there. I'm like, yeah, I know that's the best escape. Like everything, just don't get in there. But speaking of, what if you get stuck? What this?

SPEAKER_01 49:48

I always ask, like, where's the point of no return? Because there's like little spots along the way, but sometimes when they have it so sunk in and everything just keeps getting tired, I'm like, nope. They won. Yeah, I'm done.

SPEAKER_00 50:01

And then you start seeing stars, you're like, oh, I can hold it for a couple more seconds. Nope. That's so funny.

SPEAKER_01 50:08

Oh my gosh, we're nearing our time together ending, and we made it. I'm so excited. Yay! After multiple tries. I think one of the most exciting things about the podcast is I've met such incredible women that have been willing to share and be vulnerable and listen and laugh and be flexible when things don't things go awry. But I think we're modeling like I we are who we are in real life. And we take pieces of that and we carry it onto the mat, and then we take that, and then it morphs into new, beautiful experiences for us. And like, what a nice tie that jujitsu has been for all of the guests and all these people that I've gotten to meet along the way.

SPEAKER_00 51:04

Yes, it's so incredible. Like the people you meet through jujitsu. I don't think you would meet them anywhere else in the like in life. There is from all walks of life. You meet like police officers, you meet doctors, you meet engineers, you meet like moms, you meet dads, you meet like kids essentially still in like high school, and like you're rolling with them as if like you've known them your whole life. My best friend right now, like on the mat, is much older than well, not I wouldn't say much, but like she's all substantially older. She she's a mom, like everything. Like she graduated high school when I was in elementary school. That's the age difference. That's essentially what it is. But we don't you don't think about it once you like get to know that person or like at this stage of life. I don't think I know like his cliche, but like age is just a number. And I think on the mass, it really does emphasize that it doesn't matter how old you are, you could be best friends with a 14-year-old, and you could be best friends with a 40-50-year-old.

SPEAKER_01 52:12

Yeah. It's so and you're like in the middle somewhere. I love it. Like the other day I was working with a gal, and she was probably I'm 44, and she was uh I think she's like 11-ish. And I'm like, how do you set up when you're competing? How do you establish grips? What about if they do this? And she has years and years of knowledge on me, and she's giving me advice, and it's so cool. And I tried to make a joke, it was last Wednesday, and I'm like, wow, this is the Thursdayest Wednesday ever. And she looked at me like I had six heads. I'm like, Oh, never mind, you don't know. She was like, What are you talking about? Midweek time. What language is that I'm like, let's go back to you beating me up again. That was fun, and I was learning.

SPEAKER_00 52:55

It's actually Yes, I think the best partners are usually like those be like quiet ones, honestly. Like the ones that you don't expect to be killers, essentially, but are I think those are like the best on the mat, usually.

SPEAKER_01 53:13

And I find I'm I'm on better behavior when I'm working with her, or like it just depends. Different training partners bring out different sides of me. So some I'll be more jokey with, but because I'm kind of awkward, because we do have a distance in interest and age, now when it comes to drill practice, we're like boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, we keep it going because we're not gonna like talk about what we're doing all the weekend because we live very different lives. And so sometimes I want to work with that, and sometimes I want to work with someone that's like if the opportunity arises, like many belts above me. Sometimes I want to work with someone my size, sometimes I want to work with someone my rank where we're working on the same things. I think the beauty is that we can work with and learn from every rolling partner.

SPEAKER_00 53:57

And I do think like um adjusting like to different levels too plays a huge part. I think like the culture that we build within our gyms plays a huge part. Having like that sense of safety of like rolling with like different people, you're like, okay, even though you're much more experienced, I know you're not gonna kill me in a way that I'm not coming back. That kind of idea. I know you're gonna or like your your coaches are like being tough on you, but you know they're doing it out of like, oh, we want you to improve. No, essentially they're like going harder, but not so hard that you're like, I'm not doing this anymore, I'm out of here. But just enough to per person, like it's different from one person to the other. The way you're all with like your friend versus your friend and me or like the kid of the class or like the f mountain forcer, like it's different, and I love to see how like it changes, it's so different.

SPEAKER_01 55:03

It does. How fun. I th that's my mission to get everybody that wants to try, and maybe that doesn't even know they want to try jujitsu with chance.

SPEAKER_00 55:14

I don't think many of like people realize what jujitsu is or how it could impact your life. I think most people just see it as like grownups trolling in pajamas, quite literally, or like sweaty people hugging each other aggressively. I think that's like the idea people think of like when they hear jujitsu, but it's so much more. Like I yeah, I we are sweaty. We are we do get in weird positions, yeah, to all that. But at the same time, we're building like those connections that I think will be like a lifetime kind of connections that even if you for whatever reason jujitsu is just not something you want to continue, but you built that connection with those people that you will have for life, right?

SPEAKER_01 56:05

How lucky are we to train and meet new people and I'm glad I got to meet you through the Grapple Like a Girl group, and it made someone I'm in Southern California and you're up in are you still in Canada? Yes, I'm in Vancouver. I knew when I was looking up, I'm like, there's a Vancouver on both sides, and I was like, I wonder.

SPEAKER_00 56:27

It's yes, I'm like forever grateful for Desiree for starting Grapper Like a Girl, like the affiliate program. I think through her, I met like so many incredible ladies, even like if it's not in person, it's all online, but like they've been so supportive. Like you feel like you actually know them, but you've never met. So I think that is an incredible like thing to do and like to meet people. I've been in that like affiliate program since it started a while back, and I've seen it grow from like 20 people to now like close to 400 people, which is incredible. I love to see more ladies interacting, more ladies like posting online, like doing like all that, getting up on the mat, joining Jujitsu, trying different things.

SPEAKER_01 57:16

Love that. That's wonderful. And thank you all up for being on today and sharing your story. This is exciting, and I can't wait for it to go live, and then we can have more people listen.

SPEAKER_00 57:27

Thank you. My pleasure. I'm so happy to be here.

SPEAKER_01 57:31

Thank you for the invitation. All right, my shout-out this week goes out to finding your home. Finding a gym that feels like a safe space, your third space, a place where you can let your hair down or tie it into a messy rat nest on top of your head, where you can laugh, where you can cry, where you can feel accepted. There is just nothing like it. So shout out to all those amazing jujitsu homes out there. As I wrap up this episode, I want to say a huge thank you to Ala for being on the show. I know that it takes quite a bit of bravery to get on this mic and yap at a stranger, and she was so gracious. I love the bits of her story that seems so relatable. Feeling self-conscious, being afraid to let your walls down, taking chances, and just thriving. There's so much of her story that resonates with me in my own life, and I'm so happy that she was able to come on and share hers. So invite someone new, be that ambassador, be be the ala at your gym, be the recruiter. We love to see new faces on the mat, and it is so much fun to share this space. Thank you for coming and listening to the Pajama Party, and I can't wait to see you next time as we share another awesome story.