EPP: Meet Jamie (Getting Confidence and Giving Support)

You know the phrase, give a penny get a penny? Jamie is one of the good ones. She has gotten so much from the jiujitsu community- confidence, family, you name it. She also saw a need. Her organization, Feral Fam (www.feralfam.org) supports athletes with the necessary gear, registration fees, etc to compete (btw not just for jiujitsu folks either). Her story is an important one- what have you gotten out of jiujitsu? How are you going to make an impact? There is no wrong answer. We give time, talent, and treasure. I love to hear of life being better because of jiujitsu not only on the mats, but beyond it as well.

Transcript

SPEAKER_01 0:04

Hi everyone, welcome to Emily's Pajama Party. I'm your host, Emily, and I'm so glad you're here. If this is your first time coming to the show, welcome. I hope you find some amazing stories, maybe learn a couple new techniques, and encourage you to get on the map if you've never been. If you have them before, who knows, maybe something will be new to you today. We're gonna talk about ways we can get better at jujitsu, as well as hearing from a fantastic guest. This week, when I talk about ways to improve my own jujitsu game, I have to remember that underhooks are gold. If someone bigger gets their underhooks, they control your weight. If you get the underhooks, you control where the fight happens. It's really important for the smaller grappler, possibly women, that they should be very, very good at pummeling, winning underhooks, taking back from underhooks, and dog fight positions because underhooks truly are a smaller grappler's best friend. While looking for an interview guest this week, I always try to think what is going to benefit the jujitsu community, what are gonna bring or who is going to bring more women into the sport. When I heard about Jamie, there's just so many facets to her that I truly could have talked to her for hours. It reminds me of that old adage like you'd go into the store when you're young and you'd see, give a penny, get a penny. She has gotten so much from the sport, and it shows up in her life and her resilience and her grit and determination. She reaches out to work with inspiring women via open mats as well as seminars, and I love that. So she is getting so much from the jiu-jitsu community, and truly she is giving back tenfold. She started an organization called Feral Fan where they help reach out not only to jujitsu, but there's a large chunk of folks that are involved with jujitsu in it. But if people need help with their gear cost, gis, mouth guards, competition fees, they are an organization that doesn't want to make financial reasons the barrier for people not to really take strides into sport as well as find themselves and get out there. I love what she can bring, like I said, to the community, what she's gotten out of it. And really, I challenge all of y'all to look around and think, where am I gonna make my mark? Listen along to this fascinating story as we jump around from like a zillion million topics, but they are all just so good I had to keep them all. So here is my friend Jamie. All right, Jamie, thank you so much for joining me on the podcast. I'm so glad you're here. Thanks for having me. Yay! Okay, so I always start off with the first question. If someone met you for the first time that doesn't know you, how would you introduce yourself?

SPEAKER_00 2:56

Well, it would definitely depend on who was asking, but in general, I am a middle-aged physical therapist, I'm a blue bounce jujitsu, and I compete. I am also a mother, both through foster and adoption, and I'm a pet mom as well. I'm a wife, a sister, a daughter, a coworker, a friend.

SPEAKER_01 3:21

So I wear a lot of hats. I like the part of knowing how you introduce yourself in different areas because sometimes everybody gets the long story. Sometimes it's a quick one. And so, okay, so what does jujitsu look like in your life right now?

SPEAKER_00 3:39

So right now I'm training a couple times a week during my lunch break and weekends when able. I try and do as many open mats on weekends as I can. And typically I try and do the women's only open mats. So that entails traveling typically. And this coming weekend, I'm going to Florida. I live in Virginia, so this is a big trip. Oftentimes I'll travel about three hours or so with another friend of mine to do some open mats. I do like to compete. I feel like it keeps me honest, it keeps me training, keeps me ready. So doing what I can to stay ready.

SPEAKER_01 4:18

So when you say you travel three hours, is that like the gym that you want to go to is three hours away? And that's what you're jumping into? Or is it like round trip or something special, like a seminar?

SPEAKER_00 4:29

So if I'm traveling on a weekend for a women's only open mat, three hours is typically how far I will go in one direction for a Saturday or Sunday women's only open mat. And that's just to connect with women, train with people who are similar and more, you know, more realistic for my competition training. So I again I'm in Virginia, so that might be the DC area. It might be Richmond, maybe North Carolina, some areas like that. But three hours in one direction is the farthest that I'm currently willing to go.

SPEAKER_01 5:02

That's amazing. And the diversity of training partners. Gosh, you can't shake a stick at how important that is to get lots of different.

SPEAKER_00 5:09

Oh, 100%. Absolutely. And everybody brings something different. And I love that about doing the open mats.

SPEAKER_01 5:16

And you're committed during your lunch break. That takes a lot.

SPEAKER_00 5:20

Well, it's either that or I have to wake up for the 6 a.m. class. So it's it's the opposite of sadly commitment because I'm not the best at waking up early yet. And I have to make sure my son gets on the bus. So if I do the 6 a.m., you know, I still have some other responsibilities that I have to take care of. So I am blessed to have a very flexible job where my boss lets me leave for a couple hours during the day. And the jiu-jitsu gym is right up the road. So it's a great lunch break. And I love telling my patients, you know, Jamie, you look like you're you're sweating. What have you been doing? Oh, jujitsu, and just to see their eyes wide enough. What? So, you know, I make my patients work out and I in return do the same thing.

SPEAKER_01 6:04

Also, I love how I will spend 10 minutes in the garage looking for a shirt when I can just go upstairs and get one. I love that you'll drive three hours for an open bath, but you're like 6 a.m. Absolutely not.

SPEAKER_00 6:16

Not happening. Yeah, it's tough. It's tough. I I when I was working out, I did try and go to the early workout. So non-ji-jitsu, but the actual gym gym. And uh that you have to, you have to just do it. You know, you can't wait for the motivation. You just have to decide, just say I'm doing it and and roll, roll with it. But I haven't gotten there for jujitsu yet. Okay, so how did you find jujitsu?

SPEAKER_01 6:40

Because it sounds like you're very dedicated, and that's awesome.

SPEAKER_00 6:43

Yeah, jujitsu took me a little bit, a little bit of time to find. So when I first started training, I was training martial arts. It was a discipline called Kenpo. And I worked up to my brown belt, I earned my brown belt, but then I moved out of state for school. And when I moved back into town, I returned to the class after maybe a couple of years off. And I ended up bringing my kids to class. And the instructor had changed the class to more of a hybrid class, which incorporated jujitsu. And I don't know, I was just like, oh man, this is for me. I like this, this is what I need. I just felt more comfortable and confident doing it rather than the typical striking. So I just fell in love and I wanted to do it. And I guess the rest is history.

SPEAKER_01 7:33

What was it that kind of hooked you in at the beginning? Because sometimes women are, I don't know when I say it's like a gender-specific thing, but typically women, you know, we're meant to get along and cooperate. And did that activate something for you?

SPEAKER_00 7:48

So I've always been interested in martial arts, but I think that's because I have a couple older brothers who were into it. So growing up, we would watch the Bruce Lee movies, the Chuck Norris movies, and I just felt that connection. So I liked it from a younger age. When we were younger, we weren't able to train. So that never happened. And I just remember telling my younger self, myself, when I'm old enough or when I have my first job, I'm gonna save up my own money and I'm gonna take martial arts. And and I did, I did it. And I really liked it. And I liked it for a lot of different reasons. You know, it's martial arts in general, it teaches you more than just the striking or the jujitsu components. I mean, there's a whole umbrella of things that it teaches you, which is why I love it. You're learning discipline, you're learning self-control, you're learning effort, you're learning a multitude of life skills. And I really enjoyed that. It kept me fit, kept me working out. So it's always been a way for me to better myself in multiple ways.

SPEAKER_01 8:49

Has there were there challenges in the beginning that kind of shaped you as a martial artist, as a combat athlete?

SPEAKER_00 8:57

Well, you know, it's interesting. When I first started training, before I even started training, I went into a gym and I don't even know how I knew about jujitsu. I think I had spoken to people in the class and they were describing multiple classes that were offered at the gym. And the way it was described was that it's good for females, you know, you have to be flexible, it's a slower paced, etc. And I said that I want that. And unfortunately, when I asked the owner, you know, I was telling him I wanted to sign up for jujitsu, I was discouraged. And I was told, you know, um gently, maybe you want to consider kickboxing because there are other females in that class. There are no other females in jiu-jitsu, and I didn't know any better. I was maybe early 20s, and I was like, okay, sure. And um, you know, I ended up joining kickboxing, but then I moved, so I wasn't able to stay in that class or group. And then I found the Kempo, which really got me hooked in. But in the beginning, I was a little discouraged. I just really didn't feel like I fit in. But that was also 20 some odd years ago. So I think jujitsu for America was still kind of budding and new. Definitely.

SPEAKER_01 10:10

And jumping into it, at what point did you decide it was going to be more than just a hobby? This was something you were gonna really carry with you.

SPEAKER_00 10:19

It definitely became more than a hobby when I realized the positive benefits when I was in my early, early 30s, late 20s, and I didn't want to go out late and party with my friends. I wanted to nix alcohol, I wanted to eat healthy, I wanted to stay hydrated. I had so many positive things in my life that I wanted to do because of jiu-jitsu and because of martial arts. It it kept me fit, it kept me uh away from negative, negative people, it kept me away from negative habits, and I really appreciated that. I definitely appreciate it now. So it after a while it became my life, more of a lifestyle.

SPEAKER_01 11:03

It's really interesting. The more people I talk to, the brown belts, the black belts, and I ask them what got them through. And it's like, or did they ever think they were gonna quit? And so many times they might say, I had to take a step back because of a family emergency or pregnancy, but I knew it was never gonna go away. And it's it transcends like a league sport to me. It's something that's always going to have like the rivers running through my life as a connection. I can't imagine being like, nope, I'm not doing this again. It doesn't really feel like that's an option even anymore. Yeah. So you mentioned it was interesting. You talked about not really having access to it as a child. And I love this dream of one day I'm gonna save my money and I'm gonna get into it. Because some people like, I'm gonna buy a car, I'm going to whatever something that someone will sink their money in. Did you have access to everything you needed? Is that was it expensive part? Did it feel like a want versus a need for you?

SPEAKER_00 12:05

It was probably more of a want. I grew up in a family of five children. And, you know, as I had mentioned, my older brothers were into that stuff. One of my older brothers wanted to train, and of course, he asked my parents, and you know, they would say no, uh couldn't afford it. It's a lot of money. And I remember growing up, he would barter for his lessons. He was doing yard work for the the coach just for a lesson. So I never asked my parents if I could train or if I could sign up for classes, because of course, if they were unable to pay for my brother, they're naturally gonna be unable to pay for me. So it was definitely a want. I played other sports growing up, uh, recreation sports and for the high school, you know. So I was still still active and and participated with team sports. So that was a positive influence as well.

SPEAKER_01 12:56

So, and then when you got started, I don't think we need as much like recurring expense. Like there is a gym membership, but it's not like we're getting new running shoes every couple months, or you know, our uniforms, our gs can last for a couple years. Was it difficult for you to kind of acquire everything? Because there's a lot of hidden expenses. Like right now, I have my eyes are on an AP Ghee, but I can't really drop $400 right now. Yeah, it's a lot, yes.

SPEAKER_00 13:25

So when I started jujitsu, I wasn't growing anymore. If anything, I'm I'm shrinking. So the ghee it was a one-time you buy it and you you wash it after every time, you make sure not to shrink it. Uh, but it was interesting because I would look at the kids in class and they went through phases. They went from wearing gis that are way too big, and for a skinny minute, their ghe would fit. But then before you knew it, their ghe was way too small and they have a bunch of arms and legs sticking out. So for the kids, it was obvious that you know their parents don't want to continually buy the ghys, it's buy one and and go through those three phases. I didn't even know what a rash guard was. I was wearing t-shirts underneath. That was uh, you know, so I rash guards are expensive and spats and things like that. Uh, but the gi was a one-time purchase. And I think I have two gis for the first five years that I trained.

SPEAKER_01 14:26

I remember someone um gave me, they had a bunch of ghys, and they gave me one of theirs. And growing up, my parents would always buy all my jackets and everything, like two or three sizes too big, and they're like, Oh, you'll grow into it, just roll your sleeves. You learn a jiu-jitsu, that doesn't really help. Like, you don't want cuffs because you're going to be that much more accessible to crafts. You're like, oh no. You're right. I need to think about that as being like an adult joining jujitsu versus a kid.

SPEAKER_00 14:53

Yeah, for sure. And if you do want to compete, there are restrictions with the length and and the fit of the gi as well. But when I was young, I wasn't doing the the serious competitions. I'm doing more of the local competition. So I didn't have to worry about a perfect fitting gi for myself. And um, I think my old my my son can fit into my gi now, so he also gotta hand me down.

SPEAKER_01 15:16

Yeah, and it is wild when you when you go from just training and then your first comp and then you start learning about like the rulers and the measurements and how long something can be, how far your rash guard can or cannot stick out from the bottom. There's a lot of little double in the details. There's a lot of it.

SPEAKER_00 15:35

Absolutely. Yep.

SPEAKER_01 15:37

Okay, so the exciting part about the episode is that you saw something. We were talking about the way things fit, kind of those hidden expenses. You came up and with a solution to maybe a recurring problem, something that you noticed there was a there was a need for. So are you talking about my my fancy company? I love your fancy company.

SPEAKER_00 15:58

Yeah. So I I did end up creating Feral Fam, and that's an athletic brand to help people with their expenses. So we are partnering with Feral Fam Foundation, which is a nonprofit currently pursuing 501c3 status. And we're hoping to remove some of those barriers to get, you know, kids, adults access to, you know, their geese that fit, mouth guards, rash guards, competitions, uh, covering competition fees, camps, seminars, things like that.

SPEAKER_01 16:30

Was this an idea that was brooding over time, or was it like I get my best ideas when I'm running? Like my hands are free, my mind is open, and they'll just be like, put you lightning, and then I have to stop and write it in my notes section. How did that come to you?

SPEAKER_00 16:43

You know, it's really weird. There was a one literal aha moment, but it also came from seeing the patterns over and over again. One thing that's amazing about the jiu-jitsu community is we were already helping people. So Feral Fam just fit right in because the jiu-jitsu community is already a community who does this. There was one specific story that stuck with me. There was a girl at my gym, and I was getting ready for a competition, and I asked her if she was competing. She said no. And her whole body language, head and eyes down, shoulders dropped, and you could just feel that heaviness. She said that it was going to be her last month training in the gym. Her parents couldn't afford it. That really did stick with me. Fortunately, the gym owner and the black belt there worked something out with her and she was able to continue. But that's the jujitsu community for you. You know, gym owners, other jujitsu practitioners, they step in and help out when the need is there. They don't announce it and make a big deal out of it. They just help quietly, which is what we're trying to do as well.

SPEAKER_01 17:53

What you talked about gear, you talked about competition, um entry fees, the little things they need all the time, the little one-off things. And what does it provide athletes? Do you work in a certain area? Is it mostly in your hometown? Do you work nationally? How does that look?

SPEAKER_00 18:13

So, nationally, anybody is welcome to apply for assistance through our website, feralfam.org. There is an an area, if you go to the bottom of the page, you can apply for support or you just click a little drop-down to apply. And we do have a board of directors. They'll they'll go through the applicants and and choose based on not only need, but you know, are are you working hard? Do you fit our mission, your character, things of that nature? And if if you don't want to apply yourself, we've had people apply for others. We've had coaches ask for help for an athlete, which is amazing. You know, finances can be embarrassing. Not everybody wants to ask for help. And it's easier to accept help from a company rather than accept help from an individual, is what I found through working with this company.

SPEAKER_01 19:07

It is a humbling sport, but humbling in such a different way. Humbling because I'm trying, it's not working, I'm gonna come back another day. But when that financial piece can be humbling because it could come with a lot of weight. And I can understand spreading that weight of or the umbrella of a company versus an individual. You're right. That seems like it would be a safer entry point. Do you do like gear drives than to collect gis and things? Do you send individuals like is it receipts from things you reimburse for? I I guess I'm what I'm trying to figure out the logistics of it, because in some ways people are more willing to like, I have seven extra gis because I really like show your roll. And these were my ones I first started with. But then there's like the shipping and other parts.

SPEAKER_00 19:54

So we we try and get people new gear. Uh, we actually around our area, and I don't sisterhood of the traveling ghee, and we have oh my gosh, but we have a foundation around my area where they offer, they'll do a gear closet, everything is donated, and if you apply or ask for help, they give you a password and you can go in and you can get free. They have rash cards, they have spats, they have the singlets, they have gis and everything. And you just whatever they have, they give away for free. And so we don't that that need is already being met. And I think that's an amazing thing as well. So we do try and get people brand new gear and equipment so we can buy and ship to them if if they need a ghe. Uh, we have done um, we've done rash guards and we will directly send it to the athlete. We have done cleats where we're ordering and directly sending to the athletes. And locally, I have personally gone with an athlete for them to try shoes on and purchase. We can send gift cards. I am constantly messaging, writing letters, and showing up in person to local businesses asking for support. We're getting ready to support an athlete, not jujitsu, but it's uh Power Monkey. It's a like an Olympic weightlifting and gymnastics camp or seminar. So there's actually a couple of people who wanted to go but couldn't because of finances. So I am looking to raise, or not raise, that's probably not the right word. I am looking to support them and gain money for them to attend. Uh, we also get money through direct donations from individuals. As I mentioned, businesses, people can buy merch online, and 100% of that proceed will go to an athlete as well.

SPEAKER_01 21:48

I I love the part that you you mentioned other organizations. Just like I don't want to say there's more than one one room at the top and a gym, because yes, it's a competition piece, but we can highlight each other for different benefits. If people have extra things, there are people that want it. This is just yet another way of outreach because there's there is far more need than you're able to give. And so by working together, everyone is reaching out in the way they have feasibility to do so. And I think that's kind of a neat thing. It's a wonderful community. What kind of impact have you seen so far?

SPEAKER_00 22:28

So we've been able to help we had Helena Cravar local and we were able to help send four athletes there. One athlete we covered but she was ill and couldn't make it. So we've had people attend seminars, sports specific camps, not just jujitsu. We've helped there was a guy who hadn't competed in a long time and was very apprehensive with getting back. Again, competition gets expensive. So we helped return him back to the competition stage. We've helped some athletes uh attend their very first competition which was super exciting. That's probably the most exciting for me. And you know it just relieves stress from families. You know, it lets them focus on training. It lets them focus on you know their everyday life you're they're not having to worry about putting food on the table for their kid because the comp fee is covered. You know they're able to get the burdens off their backs a little easier.

SPEAKER_01 23:26

Now every sport is different every hobby is different or how we spend our time can be very diverse. What do you think people outside the sport wouldn't understand about how powerful the jiu-jitsu community is that's a very good question.

SPEAKER_00 23:41

You know you had mentioned earlier that jujitsu is humbling and it and it is I think people on the outside they see the fancy stuff. They see the submissions they see the tap outs they see the big sweaty gross people on the mats getting after it. But what they don't see is the the teamwork they don't see the struggles.

SPEAKER_01 24:02

They don't see us attending each other's you know kids' soccer games or plays helping each other um you know move furniture mow a lawn provide transportation you know so we really are a community that help each other beyond the mats you know it's not all just subs in pain it's it's a brotherhood a sisterhood it's a family I've seen quite a few uh people at our gym um in stages of recovery finding jujitsu and just seeing how people will come together to support each other and unfortunately there's been some really sad times and to see the community rally behind and posthumously promote somebody and just like the beauty and all of these things it is like a family. I love the idea of feral family but also in jujitsu you've seen it on the mat.

SPEAKER_00 24:58

Yeah absolutely and I think it is different than other sports. Other sports have communities you know as I mentioned I'm a foster parent and one of my kids wasn't comfortable doing jujitsu.

SPEAKER_01 25:10

It was a little too intimate but loved to do uh like gym working out so I did a lot of CrossFit you know and and that's a good community as well and that's just sports for you it's curious I think um CrossFit finding a similarity we're together but separate but also rallying behind each other and pushing extreme boundaries really says something there's like those little magic moments where people just kind of your wheels fall off just a little bit just enough but there's others are around to help support you go to the edge but not over that's right and if they do go over they'll just see you so they're working yeah what have you gained from stepping outside of your home gym like you said you've talked about traveling and seeing different places and helping on and off the mat.

SPEAKER_00 26:05

I've been to multiple women specific jujitsu camps and I really love learning from female instructors. My very first camp I guess if you will was with Fionn Davies and I just besides her accent I love the way she taught it made sense. You know it it was interesting to learn from a female versus a male just the language the way they move is different the way they explain things are different. And it was it really clicked with me traveling to Florida as I mentioned I've been to Texas for a camp and you know I'm fortunate to be able to do those things you know my husband even supports me and you know because it it takes time away from the family in addition to finances you know so I'm leaving my poor dogs alone you know and it it's a lot it it it takes a lot.

SPEAKER_01 26:56

Do you think well I I I would imagine every decision we make as a woman we're constantly thinking of the pros and cons. Are there more benefits to this than not? Do you think it accelerated your growth in jujitsu by hearing all this oh a hundred percent just the way I learn is a little bit different.

SPEAKER_00 27:15

So I'm learning from people who have similar body types to mine. So they've gone through similar struggles than you know that I've gone through. So the way they're wording things and teaching things just it clicks for me. It makes sense and not to minimize men in teaching I love learning from my gym our main instructor they're all they're all males as well and I I learn great from them. It's just a little different because I feel like with the female instructors that I travel to go learn from I identify with them if you will you know it makes sense it they are me and I am them you know I'm I'm not a six to 250 pound male you know what they do and how they use their body is a little different than me. So it definitely accelerated my competition mindset the way I the way I train and the way I look at training as well. Now we definitely need to train with men in my opinion and we need to train with people who are bigger than us that bring the pressure that have stronger grips so we can learn to overcome those barriers but I also like learning from somebody where I feel successful with.

SPEAKER_01 28:26

Now when you go travel to these do you bring some um representation of feral fam with you is it in like in your gear do you try or is that like a hat that you sometimes take off and just come in at a participant I have a hard time separating sometimes my hats from each other.

SPEAKER_00 28:42

Yeah so I have this no I don't and and it's a mix because Feral Fam is fairly new we are a week away from our one year anniversary so I haven't done I usually do like one camp or one big trip a year and that's coming up this weekend. So this will be my first travel camp if you will since creating Feral Fam. And I'm not really there to I don't want to say I'm not there to push the company if that makes sense but you know I'm happy to talk about it and and mention it. But you know I'm I'm there to to learn and and to meet new people like minded people and even when we are you know discussing things there's so many other I guess in the past you know everybody brings something different to the table. So you know I think we have um that mutual your your friend is going to be teaching yoga at the camp that I'm going to yeah so I'll probably learn a little about her and and her business and and if anybody you know competes I'm happy to let them know about Feral Fam and and they can certainly apply or maybe they know a young teen or you know a a younger athlete at their gym who who might benefit you know from being supported I think it's I went to a seminar it was like a day long so it's like morning gi afternoon no gi situation.

SPEAKER_01 30:06

And people were traveling as you said like three hours away. We have where I used to train there was like six gyms within like a four or five mile radius. So I think about like the and I came 45 minutes over to that let's say for the training from my where the gym was so many gyms in that area and like that we can then meet and so then the and the reaches and who knows who and the community can feel very big but also very small. And that outreach piece is so neat.

SPEAKER_00 30:36

Yeah yeah definitely I will say you know when I'm training there's only one other female that I train with at my gym. So again it is important for me to get out there and and work with different different bodies and different people that are closer to my age people that are you know closer to my skill level as well there are I have been to a couple other gyms in town and you know I end up with a similar issue when I do show up to the other gyms there's usually just one or two other females.

SPEAKER_01 31:04

Yeah I mean it's weird because sometimes you're like there were eight of us a class and then you go back two days later and you're the only one and there's either sports things someone got sick someone got their eyeballs scratched. You never know and it's just like it's a wave of fluctuation of how many people can show up.

SPEAKER_00 31:22

Yeah and and it's tough you know I I know my attendance has fluctuated too my my son is on two different soccer teams and he tried out for a third you know so sometimes I'm missing missing my uh weekend class just to watch him play and and support him but again my gym is amazing because they're like Jamie you haven't been here you know in in a couple weeks can we come in at an earlier time or later time? Is there a different day that works with you so you can get some training in they are super nice. They are so helpful. I love that yeah so how has Jiu Jitsu shaped who you are today I think it's you know there is a one thing when I started competing it was to get my son to compete. I wanted him to do something hard so I signed him up for a competition and he was like Jay if I'm competing are you competing too and I was like yes yes I am and I was so scared but I did it. So it's shaped who I am because I'm trying to lead by example I have my son when I when he was in jujitsu he competed and I will tell have you you you're a competitor yourself right so when I signed him up for a competition I had no idea what it was like I signed him up for Ghee and Nogi you know he was a white belt brand spanking new I signed him up as white belt and he was a kid so the next level up as well in Gee and Nogi. So he was in four different brackets and that kid was a boss. Let me tell you he's in the middle of a match they're calling his name on another mat and he has to finish and go to the next and he was boom boom boom he must have had 16 matches and he was just big smile ear to ear he was so happy my heart was so full at that time and of course with the kids they go earlier so I'm there all day my energy is depleted and then it's my turn and I had no idea I went out for my first match and you know I did what I did and then I was like what happened I said my legs are shallow I'm so depleted and exhausted and how did this kid do that and I did one match and I'm dead you know but I made my way through it. I I felt like I was fairly successful just kind of you know when you're a white belt you don't know what you're doing so you're very spazzy and just using your strength and and I had fun but it's definitely changed me because it makes me do hard things. It makes me step out of my comfort zone and it's helped me lead by example. You know if I'm gonna ask you know my children to do something I want to make sure I'm doing it as well. If I'm asking my patients to do something I want to make sure that I'm doing something as well.

SPEAKER_01 34:09

There's something there's a book by Steven Magnus called Do Hard Things and it talks about and it's uh like I have an ultra running background so that's why we got into it. And similarly to jujitsu running is not going to be pain free. It's not like the longer you go the better you're to feel you're gonna feel awful but that's like you not that you welcome it I mean sometimes like take stock you're like this feels this way. How do I feel about that? Is it gonna get worse? Where's my understanding of what how to work with my body and knowing my limits and all of those important things. And so that Ronda Thai doesn't exist the way people say it does. It is such a very different experience. It's like it's I love the yin yang yang of jujitsu and running yeah I have some of my best runs actually after jujitsu class because my hips are and everything are so mobile. And I like the longer I run the tighter and like beef jerky I get so but like put me in a five minute match or make me run a marathon it would be a really hard decision which one is like harder to do because I kind of think the jujitsu matches it's gonna be it I feel like it's jujitsu's also I I ended up taking a nutrition class.

SPEAKER_00 35:23

I've ended up taking a mindset class like I said jujitsu has pushed me in so many different ways it's really tested me physically mentally and you know I feel like I'm with all the mindset training that I have done I can handle a run over jujitsu it's that hard but it's a good hard it is it is um what has it taught you about resilience or confidence did you feel like that's an interesting one I kind of like the resilience or confidence because the resilience means I get knocked down I get up again and it reminds me of that song confidence means I believe I'm capable of doing great things.

SPEAKER_01 36:05

Both are very different skills.

SPEAKER_00 36:08

Oh absolutely you know when it comes to resilience you know that is your fail and get back up fail and get back up you get tapped and you keep going you get tapped you keep going so it's the fail multiple times and and keep going it's your imposter syndrome kicking in it you know all of that stuff going on when it comes to confidence a lot of times I while you while I still talk out loud to myself and I have a great training partner sometimes I'll immediately be paired with somebody and it's like oh great I'm gonna lose you're you're a brown belt and you're super flexible fast and strong and you know my training partners will right away Jamie stop don't say that you know so we hold each other accountable you know and they kind of trigger me to rephrase and reword what I'm saying and you know look for the opportunities you know for instance okay I'm going against the black belt coach well here's an opportunity to move quick get out of get out of the subs and only let him sub me three times instead of one you know instead of 12. You know here's an opportunity to you know let him train with one arm and one leg and you know try not to let him take my back you know so my my training partners are great and and and I love the way they push me mentally emotionally physically but resiliency and confidence are are challenging.

SPEAKER_01 37:38

I love that you talk through all your head thoughts out loud and people are correct because I think all those things I just don't say them out loud because then I just keep a bit sad and continually cut myself down the whole time.

SPEAKER_00 37:51

I like that yep no and they sometimes they'll tell me stop talking Jamie just just roll or you know things like that and sometimes no I I feel like it's helpful. I love it.

SPEAKER_01 38:02

It just it's fun I like narrating or like my my friend it's like first I tried this oh she didn't get it no to do this and it's so funny do you feel like your path in jujitsu is still evolving oh most definitely yeah when I first started in jujitsu I was also a new physical therapist and with both of those disciplines as a new physical therapist I wanted to do all the fancy manipulations I wanted to do the dry needling as a new jiu jitsu practitioner I was online looking at all these cool submissions and you know really both of those disciplines taught me the same thing.

SPEAKER_00 38:49

You have to have a good solid foundation in in order to progress and in order to build upon and I'm still working on my foundation believe it or not I've been doing this for several years um but I had to undo some of the stuff I saw online you know and and you have to just do the boring basics and and I'm still in a boring basics phase and I'm okay with that. I'm definitely evolving and learning and and as I mentioned there's a a mindset game to it there's a physical component to it I started to do breath work because I was wondering why I was so gassed rolling and it's I was hyperventilating. So interesting I tried to talk more to make sure I was breathing I thought I was holding my breath but I was just very shallow uh breathing shallow um so if it's not my breathing that I'm working on it's my mindset or it's my nutrition or my flexibility or my technique um there my speed my pressure there's definitely always something for me to work on I think you're right there's it's there once you get like the first little step handled you're like oh wait there's another thing oh wait there's another thing oh wait there's another thing and I'm like um my boyfriend was talking about barbecue he always says how do you get good at making good barbecue you have to make a lot of bad barbecue to get there and so you can you can watch a zillion million real stories video clips but until you try to do it yourself and you're like oh that's why they rolled that way not this way right where someone's like oh off to push card 2.0 and I'm like I have no idea what that oh my gosh I guess I have somebody that must uh in class one of my coaches must have that video because he gets me every time and and it's and it's kind of like the back of the cooking analogy you get really good at the right amount of salt and pepper on something you're like 80% of the way there.

SPEAKER_01 40:57

Like I am learning some very very basic techniques but if I can get them without thinking yeah yep then you're golden. Yeah one day I'll do like the cartwheel land spin.

SPEAKER_00 41:10

I saw one of my friends posted a video of her and her child doing that and I said oh my gosh that looks so easy and I went to my training partner showed her the video I'm like let's try this and she's like absolutely not it's harder than you think or you better not knee me in the face and I'm like oh crud and I struggled to do it and then of course the coach came in and got it like that.

SPEAKER_01 41:30

But yeah I try silly things and sometimes they work and sometimes they don't but the basics I need the foundation and all of a sudden one of those silly things sometimes sticks and you're like wow I'm just gonna add this very weird card into my game that I wouldn't typically play. But like picking and choosing you can have like one or two weird things but I can't base my game off very specific situations that are very spicy. I like it okay as we start closing our time together you said you work with not only Jiu Jitsu athletes but other sports as well. What would you say to someone who feels like they can't afford to fully participate in a sport I would say that they belong here and I would say that finances don't dictate their worth or what they're capable of I would say that there is a community out there for you and we're here for you. And as you've mentioned before I've heard quite a bit about bartering for different gym access it is a really cool thing that I find that more common in jiu-jitsu than probably other sports. How can ooh how can people support organizations?

SPEAKER_00 42:43

You did such a lovely job fleshing it out but how do people support feral fam so people can support feral fam directly either through monetary donation and we are working with the Feral Fam Foundation and they're pursuing 501c3 so donating directly or on our website you can purchase merch so hoodie t-shirt anything like that 100% of the proceeds go to direct athlete support and you know free ways to support are sharing it's word of mouth it's interacting online tagging friends following sharing the information maybe letting a a teammate know that we're we're here and that you know we're here to help them as well if someone wants to grow in jiu jitsu beyond just showing up to class where would they start?

SPEAKER_01 43:41

Ooh this could be like all of your you've done a lot of outreach of your own skill like you had your gym you're learning what else did you reach out to that was really important for you what are the benefits let's say you do like open mats what made you decide did you have a lot of open mats at your gym or did you have to seek those elsewhere to find even like you said women only ones.

SPEAKER_00 44:05

Yeah. So we our open mats at our gym, you know, we don't get a lot of people. So I go to other open mats and it's reaching out to people online. I have messaged people personally on social media just to ask for information. And I have had people reach out to me, give information, and offer to help out. There was one girl that I ended up traveling to go see. She was just a couple hours away, but I was really struggling with guardpull. People were getting me all the time. And so she was going to show me how to do it because the class that I was the gym that I was going to and they were on a very strict Gracie program, if that makes sense. So she was showing me some no geese stuff, which I never really had the opportunity to train at at one of my gyms and she was showing me different guard poles and sweeps and things like that. So I met her essentially through social media and that was kind of neat. Open mats have been super helpful. My brother bought me a jiu jitsu book. So um oh what was it? Um Gracie Univers no not Gracie University. I forget the name of it. Jiu Jitsu University. Maybe that's it. Yeah yeah and uh you know so I just do a lot of studying if that makes sense. It's school you're taking a class so so don't watch the fancy videos but get the boring basics. Study the boring basics get back to physics.

SPEAKER_01 45:41

I've been playing with the idea of getting a grappling dummy because I would like to train more but don't always have the opportunity. And I used to do karate like a zillion years ago and they always say 10,000 times is a good beginning. And I feel like I just need to practice getting a triangle. I need to practice shifting the weight from side to side. I need to do all those things just on a body and my children aren't always willing to be my grappling dummy.

SPEAKER_00 46:07

So I'm glad you mentioned that I have a grappling dummy too. So I don't know why I didn't even mention that but I love the grappling dummy because that's when I feel like I can put all my pressure and weight and I don't have to worry about hurting my training partner. I don't have to worry about smothering them if I'm uncontrolled learning a technique I don't have to worry about accidentally injuring them and putting them at risk. I can try those fancy techniques the the cartwheel to the to the back take to the arm bar and um I I practice a lot of my chokes that way. I think for me I I prefer competition wise I prefer chokes over joint locks. You know as a physical therapist right now I have this brain block that I can't hurt people and I feel like I'm so scared to go to do certain arm bars. I don't want to do a belly down arm bar on anyone you know I don't want to you know it's so interesting because my training partners always say it's a combat sport. People know this they're signing up you know they want this but you know I've had a couple competitions where I knew the person was injured and it's like I will not touch that leg because I know it's injured or I will not touch that you know I jujitsu is so interesting. You're trying to hurt respectfully hurt people I guess and but the grappling dummy has been super helpful with that. And if you don't have a grappling dummy use a pillow or maybe apply it a feral fan because you can't afford a grappling dummy and that's something that we might be able to help you out with.

SPEAKER_01 47:42

Now grappling dummy question do you like the ones that are like curled up like a roly poly or like do you like the big flat ones I think mine is flat and then we stuffed it with a bunch of noodles and and old clothes that my kids outgrew.

SPEAKER_00 47:56

And um I I think a friend of mine had a more stiff one and that was harder for me to work with. So mine is just like very thick cloth that I use and I I like it.

SPEAKER_01 48:06

Yeah so more like curled like the whole the like the knees are bent the arms are bent and so they're more upright and I could get there's always but wait there's one more yeah yeah it's better than nothing.

SPEAKER_00 48:19

You know it's not perfect or ideal but it's a way to get the reps in your 10,000 reps or 1000 reps it's a it's a way for you to try new things safely or in a safer manner without potentially injuring a training partner. Sure.

SPEAKER_01 48:34

And also sometimes the coach they're moving and progressing just because I need it I don't they can't plan a class specifically tailored to me. So if I want to get better at some of these things it's worth putting the effort in because then I can be more open to hearing what's happening in class because I'm already working on building my background knowledge. Oh yeah yep yay so okay so we made it through you were worried about making it for this long and look at us we're pushing 15 minutes. I love it. Now you said you talked about reaching out on like social media so you're on there as feral fam. How can people reach you?

SPEAKER_00 49:14

So on social media it's fit feral fam and our website is feralfam.org f e r a l f dot org that's probably the best way either way.

SPEAKER_01 49:26

Yeah so and you're active and I found you through Bree with PlayFet Collective.

SPEAKER_00 49:33

I love what she's doing. I love it I love what you're doing I love what she's doing and that's the community that's awesome. You guys are both helping people and doing out of the kindness of your hearts I love it.

SPEAKER_01 49:45

You guys are great people I think I really searched for that connection piece I needed to hear stories of I'm just like you I'm just like her. I find these connections it's hard for me but look she's doing it and all of that and we're only finding maybe one in a gym maybe two girls here and there. Yeah now I just have like these fantastic women across the United States in fact I have a ton of people down in Florida.

SPEAKER_00 50:10

So fantastic yeah I was gonna say you know it's interesting just listening to your podcast. I feel like you do a great job getting to know your guests and I feel like I really know them too. Not to say we're friends but I feel like I'm their friend now because I know them so well and you do such a great job and I appreciate I'm like low key stressing because I'm like trying to be in the moment of the podcast and think of the questions coming up.

SPEAKER_01 50:36

And so afterwards when I can listen then I'm like oh and I hear all the stories but I I it's always said if I didn't work with little people I would work with old people because like we just love to tell stories. Okay I can just listen to stories all day nice but yeah Victoria and the old strong is down there the jiu-jitsu mom Daniela is down there. I wonder if she Martine was in um France but she's a 70 yeah I guess she might be 72 now that she just started jujitsu that was awesome I love that you did that it's great. Yeah so Herbe I hope I'm so excited about your training camp I hope you have so much fun down there. Thank you I appreciate that I'm looking forward to good training good food yoga breath work all inclusive everything working out yeah Jenna was trying to get me to go and I'm like it's close if it was during the summer I could totally take off that time but as a teacher they generally frown upon us.

SPEAKER_00 51:33

It's it's yeah it's kind of early because you guys are getting ready to close out do you finish the end of May?

SPEAKER_01 51:39

In June beginning of June beginning of June wow okay yeah but it's you know it's like time and place I will get there and we will all figure it out but it's been such a pleasure talking with Jamie with the oh thanks Emily thank you thanks Emily you too my shout out this week goes to one more thing one more roll one more rep one practice one more critique one more high five one more competition one more gi one more bit of gear um one more mouthpiece so you don't lose it like you did the last one. In Jujutsu there is just one more thing that's going to help your game and then you find like a zillion one more things. So keep searching keep finding your one more thing that's gonna make the world of a difference. As I wrap up this episode I want to give a huge thank you to Jamie. It was such a pleasure to talk with her I love her story about all of the benefits that she has found in jujitsu. She found community she it reminds me of like the sand that has filled in the little spots in her life that she had moments for it and how she's really taken those lessons and experiences and how it shaped her life. I love the concept of like give a penny get a penny she has gotten so much from the sport and she saw a place where she could give I love sharing that idea because as we mentioned in the episode there are so many ways to help out in our community it makes us all stronger I challenge you to reach out. Maybe you're going to do some community event or arrange a get together or reach out to somebody we get so much from this and we all can give in our different ways I challenge you to find out the way that you can give back or start something or participate or fundraise for so many different opportunities. I hope you had a wonderful time listening to the podcast if this was your first time thank you if you're returning thank you thank you share it with a friend um reach out to me on Instagram on Emily's Pajama Party stay cozy have fun and don't forget wash your mouthpiece another Emily reminder by the way