EPP: Meet Kat (Building your home on the mats)

This week I sat down with my friend Kat. She shared her own journey with jiujitsu and how it became so much more than a hobby.

In today’s fast-paced world, finding activities that bring families together can be a challenge. For many, Jiu-Jitsu is not just a sport but a way of life that fosters connection, fitness, and personal growth. Kat shares about her path as the co-owner of Third Space Jiu-Jitsu in Brea, California, and her experiences with integrating Jiu-Jitsu into her family lifestyle.  Her story reminds me that there is no one-size-fits-all approach to having it all. I can't wait to hear about her next adventure!

Transcript

SPEAKER_02 0:04

Hi everyone, welcome to Emily's Pajama Party. My name is Emily and I'm so glad you're here. Here on the podcast, my goal is to make jujitsu accessible to all who want to try it. So I interview some amazing, fantastic women and other folks to talk about their own journey in the sport as well as their cozy corner that they bring to the map. Get cozy and let's begin. As always, I like to jump into ways that I can be better at jujitsu. I don't think I've talked about it on the podcast in a while, but I have been out with an injury. I hurt myself back in December. I apparently tore all the tendons off my big toe. Did not know it at the time when I got the x-ray done. They just saw that there were no real broken bones. So, like, take it easy, jump back in there. Well, I run a lot in jujitsu. It was a bad combination, and it just was never getting better. So late April, I finally got to a podiatrist. I had an MRI, and they saw I tore all the tendons off my big toe. Hooray. It was one of those freak accidents that happened, but I've been in a boot for the last six weeks. And fun fact, it's gonna totally be wrong timeline by the time this episode comes out. But I've been in a boot. So I have not been training for the last six weeks. Slowly losing my mind, and it's really frustrating. So I've been doing the podcast and getting to hear these amazing stories, and all I want to do is get back on the mat. So these next couple blurbs about how to be better at jujitsu really hit home because therefore folks that are at the blue belt level, and yes, I am there, but I haven't trained in a while and I feel like I've forgotten everything. So I really need to re-listen to these because I need to remember what I can do to be better at Blue Belt. So some of these facts I've kind of talked about before. I love a good repeat, get stuck in my head. And so I need to remember that I need to slow down and actually think because as a white belt, it's like the spazzy, the survival mode, losing marble slightly and just scramble. At Blue Belt, that's where the awareness starts. Or so I'm told I'm still working on it. So instead of reacting constantly, I am working on hopefully when I get back very, very soon, like cross your fingers and say um back in the past prayer for me. I will notice Crips, notice weight distribution, notice timing, asking why things work. And hopefully by doing that, I'm going to improve faster instead of just stopping and scrambling and faking my way through every exchange. Jury's out to see if that works or not. But I hope so. When I first started podcasting, I worried about running out of guests, but I quickly realized that there are so many stories to tell. One avenue that I really wanted to explore were people that took jujitsu and made it their life and full-time job and all that they are. And there's so many different ways that that can show up. I was really excited to interview my friend Kat or Catherine. She goes by both. Her and her husband opened Third Space Gym in Southern California, the city of Brea. And it's just such a fantastic facility. I know there's so much that goes into it and really sheer love of the sport to make it happen. So I got to sit down and talk with her. And she is a great storyteller. I love her perspective. I love how direct she is, and she really has a wonderful vision. So please sit back, relax, get cozy, and hear my conversation with my friend Kat. Kat, thank you so much for joining me on the show. I'm so glad you're here. Thank you for having me. I'm excited to be here. For first for listeners meeting you for the first time, who are you? What how do you introduce yourself?

SPEAKER_00 3:50

Um, yeah, I'm Catherine. I'm the co-owner of Third Space Jiu-Jitsu in Southern California in a sleepy little city called Brea, California. What do you like to do for fun? Oh gosh, I have three little kids, and we're actually, I didn't know if I don't know if you know this, but we're expecting our fourth right now. I'm 23 weeks. So for fun, I like to stay active when I can when I do have free time, working out jujitsu camping, going to the beach. So pretty much just getting outdoors, seeing the sunlight. I love that.

SPEAKER_02 4:27

So doing all the outdoor stuff, staying active, how did jujitsu find your life?

SPEAKER_00 4:33

So around 2019, I took my very first class. I had seen people train, I'd heard people talk about it obsessively, you know. I always equate the obsession to how CrossFit was when CrossFit was new. I was like, okay, I need to give this a try. I wasn't an athlete, a natural athlete growing up. You know, I was in a classroom many, many years and I didn't play a lot of sports. I did maybe softball one year as a kid. So I was like, uh, I I started getting into fitness. I learned how to work out myself and I was getting stronger. So I was like, let's try something new. Um and I did jujitsu and I was like, what is this choriate choreograph dance that's happening? And why don't I look like all the cool videos? But you know, like I said, my f I had a really hyper focus on my career at the time. So even though I really wanted to do jujitsu, it took me a while to really get into it. A lot of school jumping, trying to find one that was convenient for my schedule and close to work and to home. So yeah, in 2019, I took my first class and maybe did about a month or two at two different schools, and I got pregnant with my first kid. And so I ended up not training, continuing to train, and um it was too new for me to keep training while being pregnant for the first time. I had my first, I didn't get back into it for a while, you know, being a new mom and trying to figure that out. Eventually I did, so I school jumped again because we had moved, and that happened three or four times. I I'm on my fourth kid now, so and we opened our school on December 15th, and that's when I restarted. Found out I was pregnant again and thought, you know, I'm gonna keep going because I'm tired of waiting.

SPEAKER_02 6:27

It's so funny to hear that there's another kid. There's gonna be another school. That's like when you open your second location.

SPEAKER_01 6:33

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 6:37

I'm curious what made you was it just like life circumstance that made you jump schools? Was it something that you were looking for at each of them? Or it's just, I'm busy right now growing a human, which is also like totally understandable because that's like a big like life circumstance.

SPEAKER_00 6:53

That's a good question. I think it was probably a little of both. Because like I said, when I went into a class and I thought, you know, what is going on? Why do I feel like I'm the only person in the room learning, not learning anything? You know, I think I was trying to look for and con subconsciously, you know, something that fit for me. For someone who wasn't naturally athletic or felt that way at least. Um, someone who felt like they didn't fit in, some where I would, it would click. So I was trying to make it fit into my schedule, fit into my location, and then work for my how I learn. I I believe.

SPEAKER_02 7:30

I think as an adult, it can be tricky with I feel the eyes. Like I I realize now, like having a fairly athletic background, I thought I was gonna be better. And I don't even know if I want to get better for me, but I found I kind of figured out recently I wanted to be a good enough partner that I didn't let others down.

SPEAKER_00 7:50

Yeah. And I have that feeling a lot too. Is that just a natural thing that people go through?

SPEAKER_02 7:56

I don't know. Maybe it's I don't want to call it just my people pleaser in me, but uh it's it's really tricky. Like I want to be chosen because I can help make somebody better. And I know there's something to be said about teaching somebody else, but it's kind of that give and take. And I I just get really self-conscious if I feel like the other person has to slow down their learning to accommodate my needs.

SPEAKER_01 8:21

Yeah. Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 8:22

I've been working on if somebody doesn't, I know it's silly, but like assume they're not mad at you. Unless they tell you that they're mad at you, then you know they're mad at you. But if they're they don't say anything, they're not. It's kind of like assume you're a good partner. Unless somebody pulls you aside and says, fix this thing or whatever, I don't have to default to me being the problem. I'm I can default to just being a learner.

SPEAKER_00 8:47

And then also when the roles are reversed, how many times have you ever thought how or have we ever thought we don't like this partner? You know, it doesn't happen that often. It's just a uh insecurity thing.

SPEAKER_02 9:02

I think my head, yeah, my head just totally gets in the way. So you jumped around schools, and really, if you I can imagine starting looking for my place where I belong, mm, not quite. Life happens, looking for a nice place to belong, mm, life happens. It could have been very easy for you then just to say, maybe this isn't my jam, maybe I should try this. What kept you going back and trying again?

SPEAKER_00 9:30

So my husband has been in wrestling and jujitsu for a really long time. He wrestled in high school, he coached high school wrestling for over 10 years. He found jujitsu as an adult because he missed grappling. So it was always kind of there. It was always in my line of sight. The excitement, it was very obvious, and then all the circle of friends were there. So I guess perhaps it was that. But also, you know, my personal journey, again, like not being in a lot of sports, not being super active growing up. It was a lot of fun for me to discover myself and figure out, you know, I am capable of doing this and growing up thinking I wasn't. So yeah, so always I tried boxing, I tried kickboxing, I tried all these different things to stay active, and I loved it all. So I figured I want to try something a little bit more out of my comfort zone and see how it goes. I didn't hate it when I tried it in the first few years. I didn't know what was happening most of the time either, but it's you know, that challenge I think is what kept me coming back.

SPEAKER_02 10:39

Have you seen that benefit, that challenge, sticking with it? Has it helped you personally outside of being on the mat?

SPEAKER_00 10:49

Oh, yeah, absolutely. I mean, I'm a major overthinker. I have major um imposter syndrome. So being on the mat and not really having the ability to sit and think about what's coming next or what I should be doing next, or having the space to do that, has been huge for me in life, you know. Like just make the decision already. So I love that part about it.

SPEAKER_02 11:19

Yeah, I the other day I was talking with a guest because I like to run and I like to do jujitsu, and the two couldn't sometimes can't be farther apart from each other. So I realized the other day I can't do morning jujitsu classes right now because it requires me to use my brain too much. I can run in the morning because I can actually like turn my brain off and just my body just goes through the motions. That is like the absolute last thing that you can do in jujitsu. There is no turn your brain off because you have to be fully present. And I find in today's society it's really hard to always to be in the moment so succinctly, like my body, mind, movement, what's happening right now.

SPEAKER_00 12:02

Yeah. I find it interesting that you do better in the evening because I do better in jujitsu in the morning. I'm a little bit more spry.

SPEAKER_02 12:12

I think my sweet spot is like the 9 to 10 a.m. I think that would be really good for me. But yeah.

SPEAKER_00 12:21

And I actually I like to lift and condition train the first thing when I wake up in the morning because I can't think about it, you know, or else I won't go. I won't do it.

SPEAKER_02 12:32

And I find that I do my best running after jujitsu because I feel like my um joints are so much looser, it's so much easier.

SPEAKER_00 12:40

Oh, nice. Yeah. That's really cool. I also tried running. We did half marathons for a while, and I'm not a natural runner. It was very hard for me. I'm glad I did it. I don't know if I'll ever do it again, but it was a I'm glad I I did go through those years.

SPEAKER_02 13:00

Sometimes I get down on myself on not doing more, and it's hard because it's kind of like that echo chamber, right? We're surrounded by really fit people that are exercising all the time, taking really good care of our their bodies. And I'm like, I'm not doing enough, or I gotta do better. And then you realize compared to the rest of society, we're doing pretty well. I hope so.

SPEAKER_00 13:22

I mean, yeah, we're challenging ourselves, we're staying active. I think that's pretty good.

SPEAKER_02 13:29

It's always fun sharing with non-jujitsu people where it's like, I got someone in a rear naked choke, and then they had my arm, and then there was a toe hold, and blah, blah, blah.

SPEAKER_00 13:40

Yeah. And you know, I I'm also not naturally um competitive. So that part about jujitsu is really interesting. There's it's really easy for me to forget that I'm in a fight, and I'm like, oh, let me learn this choke. Oh, okay, I'm actually trying to choke you.

SPEAKER_02 14:00

Oh, the things we learned at jujitsu. Uh okay, so you were taking the classes, then you talked about really getting at your name in the game when you guys decided to get open a gym. Now, there is like a long story that kind of takes place in between. Between we jumped around some gyms, my husband liked to train, he was a wrestler. By the way, we're gonna go open a gym. And I would assume, well, there's two parts of it. I've seen some people have this as like their secondary occupation, they have their like quote unquote day job and then they're teaching classes at night. It seems like y'all have embraced it like a hundred percent and just jumped into the gym scene.

SPEAKER_00 14:42

Yeah, yes, we did. So I'm gonna take it back over a decade ago. So when me and my husband were dating before we were even married, I I was very hyper-focused on my career. I was an engineer in in government, a civil and environmental engineer. So, you know, I I I was busy, I was busy getting my credentials and all of that. So, and I I kind of watched him and he loved wrestling. He loves jujitsu, and I didn't really see him going for a goal related to it. You know, it was just kind of on the sidelines of his life. So I would always suggest, like, hey, let's do something. I'll help you figure it out because I have this and I want you to have something. So we we kind of brainstormed back then on what we could be doing with it. And it always kind of like fell flat. You know, life we got busy, we ended up getting engaged, got married, we moved, you know, life happened, so we just would forget about it. There was a time when we something did take off where we had the idea to do like a traveling grappling class at different jujitsu schools, so a wrestling class that would travel. And it we had one class right before COVID hit, and it was a hit. Everyone loved it. They wanted another one right away, and unfortunately COVID happened and we just didn't continue pursuing it. We still talk about it though, we had the t-shirts from it and we like looking at them. And then, you know, of course, after that we had three kids, our first three kids. And then I just got, you know, stuck in my career. I love you know, I'm not saying I'm not I didn't love it and I'm not proud of it, but it was just busy. I mean, as you know, as a young mom, I was trying to figure out how to spend time with myself, my kids, my husband, my job, and the the more and more kids we got, it was like, how do we figure this out, you know? So we kind of hit a breaking point of we, you know, he still wanted to train, I wanted to train too, but I was brand new. So how do we figure how do we fit in our hobbies and all of this into a ready-packed life? And we were trying to find a school that fit that where we could all go as a family with one million kids. All of them are busy and happy, you know, and the school isn't mad at us at our kids like screaming in the corner. Basically. So we're like, okay, we can't really find this, it's not really working for us. So we're we we actually asked the school that we were going to at the time, who we s who we love and we still drop into sometimes, if we could franchise them. And they weren't ready to because they were still relatively new. And at the when we did, when they said no, we were like, Oh, okay, well, maybe we just dropped this idea again, you know, after 10 years. But then I I like I said, I was at my breaking point of, you know, not being able to see my family and not being able to take care of myself and fulfill my needs. So I was like, Daryl, we need to open a school. We're doing this. We were actually at a really I I haven't brought this up either. So I was pregnant with my fourth kid at the time when this all kind of the ball kind of dropped. Unfortunately, she had a developmental, she had trisomy 13. So we knew at the time she wasn't gonna make it. I was going through a lot at the time, and I just needed to I think I needed something to hold on to and be sure of. And I was like, this is what it's gonna be. We're gonna build this for us, for our family, and for our baby, whether she makes it or not. So we built third space for us to have a place to go to, and we knew like we knew everybody needed that a a form of that in their lives. Um so we just had the heart to trust that.

SPEAKER_02 18:42

I'm sorry, I'm like I I I deal with my heart. Yeah, uh-uh. Sorry, go ahead. I was just gonna say my heart goes out to you because to put so much love and pizza it's in the growing, and I could see it the symbolism. I have this inside me, I have this love and finding a place for it to go and also like a living moment because you're you have to be pre- It gives me goosebumps. You have to be present and available for your children, and you need to be present and available for yourself and your spouse, and then you're working outside the home and like to have to be spread so thin and stretched and also in so much pain. I could imagine the challenge of having a bright thing to look for. And we might say, like, it's a gym, but it's a place where we can all come together. I think it's commendable that you took it there because it would be very easy to fall apart when you were instead you chose to build up.

SPEAKER_00 19:39

I mean, don't don't get me wrong, I fall apart a lot.

SPEAKER_02 19:42

Oh girl.

SPEAKER_00 19:46

But yeah, but I always bring it back to okay, this is this is what's gonna center us. And we want to share it with everyone, you know. And we mean me and my husband, Daryl, we are not business people. We I mean, even to this day, we've been open since December 15th of last year. We don't do sales. And we talked about this recently that should we be implementing this the sales tactics that we've heard and are told that work? And we don't, because this is about third space. This is about creating it for us and for everyone else, you know, and it's worked so far. So we're gonna stick to that.

SPEAKER_02 20:25

I love that I had there was a need. It was a lot. We knew it was going to be a lot. We didn't know what we were doing, but we went with went for it. And third space, you through Instagram, through all of it, you've made it a place for families. So when we I pitched you with the idea of coming together for the episode, I'm like, when you make jujitsu, you're life. And some people that just might mean now I do it for an occupation. But you y'all are like living at the gym. You wake up in your life. Everyone goes to the gym. You go to class at the gym, you might go to school at the gym, you shower at the gym. I'm sure you all have toothbrushes at the gym. Like it's like that place.

SPEAKER_00 21:07

Yeah. And I mean, it's not to say that we don't have our, you know, our previous careers that you know help sustain us. It is difficult to try to juggle everything. Um, and we would love for this to be our soul. But we are there, we are there every single class before and after, because we want to be there. We talk to everybody. I've been having many breakdowns recently because I'm realizing that I might have to go back to my regular full-time job, engineer job, which I am excited about to some extent. But I'm gonna miss the morning classes and I won't be able to see the parents or the young professionals that are able to come at those times. But we'll see. We'll see how it pans out. So we never know.

SPEAKER_02 21:53

Yes, it's living in Southern California is just no joke, and being Able to make it all work and enjoy it. Like I like the idea that we need more spaces for community. And I think jujitsu at its heart is community. People see the sweaty mats, they see aggression or whatever. You see the choking, but at the end of the day, it's just a really tight-knit community. And you're right. It's like such a weird group of people that come together, but it's like a great stew. Like we need like all the different spices that everybody brings. It is, it is. And maybe then it was because everyone would come and just kind of assimilate and kind of turn into a mush. But I've heard it said more, we're like a salad bowl, because like we still retain so much of who we are, our identity, and we're all integrating together. But there's a bit of a stewy mentality with jujitsu because we're learning it really is like the jujitsu at third space is centralized under a chief instructor. It might have like a twinge, or you know what that looks like there. And you go to another gym, you're like, ah, you train under this person. I can tell because they like to do things this way. But then we're like constantly bringing different people, interacting with different people. Different people have different games to play. And so everybody is also bringing a little bit of their own identity into it.

SPEAKER_00 23:24

Yeah, absolutely.

unknown 23:26

Absolutely.

SPEAKER_02 23:27

So, how is it like with that with your sharing all this with not only your husband but your family? Because as you said, you're there in the classes as a student as a white belt. Is your husband chief instructor? Do you have other people involved? How does that look?

SPEAKER_00 23:42

Yeah, so he is a brown belt. So I guess you know, we don't really operate in a typical traditional way where it's very, you know, feels very top-down, and we have a head instructor. We do have, of course, we still have the belts and we have the our black belts that we call our instructors, and then everyone kind of across the board or general term is coach. So Daryl and I, which is interesting because I am a white belt, like we we want to set the tone and the culture of the classes, and then of course, have all of our instructors and coaches bring their own teaching style and have it fit into that culture as well. Because we want it to feel very group-based, you know, like everyone has a voice, everyone has a seat at the table, whether you're a white belt, whether you're or a black belt, whether you're a member coming in, it doesn't matter what your background is. We want everyone to feel like they can come in and speak up and feel comfortable and feel like they belong there. So I for I'm I forgot the question already.

SPEAKER_02 24:45

I just came to No, I I love it because I think I come from like a karate background that was so formal. Like and you see the ranking when you line up, and then the bowing, and you have to ask permission, and you don't make eye contact as you bow. But I love as you talk about setting the cultural norms, it's based on respect. And I think what you're talking about is everyone having a voice at the table is a very specific and carefully crafted model because that it assumes best intentions for all involved, and there is respect for anyone that's choosing, both by what they say and also how it's received. And so that's really cool. I was asking about sharing that space with your husband, because I think then I alluded to because he has higher ranking and that leads to things, but also like who cleans up the mats at the end of the day, and also who scrubs the toilets, or do we outsource that because we know neither of us want to?

SPEAKER_00 25:44

There's a lot of like little, yeah. So so yeah, we actually had our going back to the teaching styles, we we do have like the a little bit of the technique teaching, you know, that you see it at a traditional school, but we are mostly um situational, game-based, CLA based because we want everyone to feel that resistance from the from the jump. And I I bring that up because you know, I we just wanted to make sure that we set that culture of teaching style at the school, but then still have everyone's individual styles come in and shine through their classes. I think we're at one, two, one, two, three, four, five, six, seven instructors from black belt all the way to assistant instructors. So yeah, it was nice to all get together and talk about that. In terms of sharing the space with Daryl, it is interesting because he is a much higher ranking belt than I am. Um so I get a lot of that imposter syndrome just between the two of us, you know, because I have a lot, don't get I have a lot to say, but then while I'm saying it, I still feel like, should I be saying this? You know, so I question myself a lot, and that's been a really interesting journey, like in business alone, of you know, feeling so sure of myself, but also so unsure of myself at the same time. In terms of like roles, with the people that we brought on board, if they were instructor, we want them to do we wanted them to do just that. And every first meeting we had with them, we asked, what's your training schedule? What's your personal life like? Because we want to make sure I've been in a W-2 job for so long that I've felt I mean, I'm sure it wasn't on purpose, but I've accidentally fallen into not kind of losing myself. And I never wanted to do that to other people. So I we always made sure to work around when they can train so we they didn't lose that part of themselves. Um then in addition to that, we didn't ask them to do any check-ins, to do any sales, to do any cleaning. They're that just there to teach. And then um, similarly for our front desk staff, they're they're there to greet and make people feel comfortable, but they're not there to do sales. So yeah, so they're very focused tasks, and we just want to make sure that they're all happy to be there.

SPEAKER_02 28:16

I like that people there are there are defined roles and the capacity of people understand what's being asked of them, and it gives you them a lot of freedom then to become and expand what they know and what that looks like. Because if you signed up to be a front desk person and all of a sudden they're like, actually, that person's credit card balance, can you just like talk to them about it? It's not necessarily it creates like a weird dynamic because it they might not be comfortable doing it. Totally. That's not supposed to be happening at the front desk when their kid is trying to get into class. Like there's like a lot of things that come along with it. And so it's nice to understand where we are. I love how direct you are because I think uh if it gets wishy-washy, then there's like feelings involved. And if you can catch things right away and say, Oh, nope, this is how it's supposed to be, like minor detail switch. You don't have to worry about like feelings building over time. Or I thought it was fine because that person did it. But I I guess it's a drama. It's it can be a really tricky thing having so many different well-intentioned adults. It's not even like people are trying to outshine each other, right? It's just really good intentions can get a little bit out of control sometimes.

SPEAKER_00 29:30

Yeah, and and and it can easily get out of control sometimes, which is why we're we really want to just keep that communication open and like monthly meetings and not like it's some kind of you know corporate job or anything, but we just want like we want to feed them and thank them also, you know. So yeah.

SPEAKER_02 29:52

And sometimes you don't know what you don't know. Like I didn't realize that this was going to be a problem, and now it is. Oh my gosh, I need to address it. Or this has worked out more beautifully than I expected. It's I've seen like such a growth, it sounds like in your homeschool community and having opportunities for kids. That's like an amazing thing. Who knew? Like, as a public school teacher, that's not something maybe I would have thought of that could be such a driving force.

SPEAKER_00 30:17

Yeah, so that was another big life change that all happened around the same time.

SPEAKER_02 30:22

So like, why not throw another one in? Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 30:26

We uh that same summer when we were planning the business, we our kids have been in daycare since you're very, very young, all three of them. And we were slowly cutting down the days from full time to part-time. And when I was working from home at the time because I was on medical leave, I you know, I was like, hey, let's just pull all the kids out and have them at home. What a great idea. Why not? Yeah. I had a mutual friend that um I had a friend that also homeschooled and she told me about what her life was like being home with the kids and um they weren't business owners, but I kind of paired that with other um stories I was hearing from other friends about being business owners, and I kind of took the little things out of their lives and I was like, let's try all of these things all at the same time. Yeah. So that's been fun. It's been fun to see the homeschool community come into third space as well. And then learning learning that all from the ground up, like applying for to be a vendor for charter schools and taking all the charter funds and learning all the ins and outs of that and making being accommodating as possible to all the you know, all those families because a lot of them are primarily single-income families. So it's been really nice to relate to them in that way. And a lot of them are also business owners too, which is really interesting. So it's a lot of sharing life experiences and stories and you know what we wanted to bring to Third Space.

SPEAKER_02 31:58

Now, this podcast reaches, I'm sure some men listen to it, but I have a primarily a female audience. And so there that can be an interesting barrier for some women because of life experiences before they approached jujitsu. Some came in from a traumatic past, some came for self-defense, some look for a place to find their own identity. What role do women play in helping shape gym culture? Or is that because it's a family-oriented, it just kind of blends itself in? Is there a push to make women feel seen? How does that look for you?

SPEAKER_00 32:33

Oh, absolutely. I mean, so I know that uh from the outside perspective, it looks like a family gym. And we, of course, it's just natural to us because that's our season of life. We did want third space to be for everybody. You know, the the high school athlete, the young, the young child trying to find what their activity is going to be, the mother, the father, the busy young professional. It's really meant for everybody, right? I mean, of course, this is our season of life. We're a family of three kids, soon to be four. So it shine that just shines through. But in terms of your question of of women, you know, women are 50% of the population of the commute of our community. So I mean, that alone is naturally gonna shape the gym. And also 50% owner. In the beginning, Daryl was the only instructor for maybe the first 15 or so days. And then when we brought on our first, it was another male. Oh, you know what? And then Jody was teaching Jodi Shields was teaching the women's only classes from the start. In hindsight, now I really wish that we had her teaching more than just the women's only classing classes from the start. Because, you know, hindsight's 2020, like why wouldn't we want more representation in our classes? But since then, in our first five or so months, we have brought on two other female instructors as well. So that's been really nice to have that representation, you know, not just for females, but also the or female adults, but also the children. You know, one time I was taking one of our 6 p.m. classes and my nephew was there hanging out and he walked over and said, Why are you taking the boys' class? And I was like, Oh no, this is not gonna apply. We need to bring more women in here besides just me and Jody, you know.

SPEAKER_02 34:41

So kids are interesting with their perspective, you know. Um I always think it's interesting. I have since I teach four and five-year-olds, the kids will be in the home center, and I can hear all four students fighting over who gets to be the mom. And it's so funny because it's not gender specific. And I'm curious, I'm like, is it because at their house the mom is kind of the leadership role? Is it because she does the more fun things? I'm really interested in why that seems to be the role that they want to be so much.

SPEAKER_00 35:12

That is interesting. Uh-huh. Did you ever ask?

SPEAKER_02 35:16

I watched to see how the play how their behavior plays out. And like my mom, my sister, when she was little, my mom used to tell the story of her playing with her toys in the room and say, saying to her dolls, the rice is on the stove. I'm going to go to the library, I'm going to be right back. Like because they model what they see. And so a lot of times if they're if it's set up as a kitchen, maybe it's the moms in the kitchen that are cooking primarily more of the food or that are doing the caretaking. And so they're just familiar with that role compared to the other one. So spending so much time at the gym, we were talking about it's nice to have a shower there. How do you balance that training and gym ownership and real life? Because there's also like dental appointments and like haircuts and all of those things. And so far, you have not had a salon open inside the gym yet.

SPEAKER_00 36:08

Well, one time one of our moms does nails and she did come in and do my two little girls' nails. So things like that. I mean, it is why it is 100% wild trying to quote unquote balance what we're doing right now. I've brought in homeschool workbooks, and so have many other families into the school. We have a separate, a smaller mat for one-on-ones and semi-privates. Most of the time it becomes the kids' corner or a decompression corner when someone's a little bit uncomfortable to join the group class. But most of the time you're gonna see all the toys laid out over there, the TV over there is on, all of the kids are literally screaming at the top of their lungs because they're having the best time of their life. And we are fine with it, you know. Well, the only time we'll let them know is if we literally can't hear anything going on in the class or someone's about to get hurt. So there are very few rules that are a school, but one of them is no shoes on the mat and don't get hurt.

SPEAKER_02 37:07

So I think it's it because I work with four and five-year-olds, it's not very quiet. And frankly, I don't want my classroom to be quiet, but there's a difference between like chaos and like productive noise. And so when kids are playing, they're going to be reacting, they're going to be talking things out. There is going to be a mild level of conflict because that's what we expect. And it would frankly make me sad if you walk to the kid corner and it was like deathly quiet and there were 15 kids over there. We want to give them space that they're allowed to problem solve a little bit and interact a little bit because you know, screen time is just such, it's like the new smoking, right? It's consuming and we're feeling such effects from it. So giving the kids a space in public where they can be still a little rough around the edges. I really applaud that. I think it's great.

SPEAKER_00 38:02

Thank you.

SPEAKER_02 38:03

We we need to work together. We're all raising these kids together. Yes. And no, we don't want robots.

SPEAKER_00 38:09

I will say sometimes I see on some of the parents' faces a little bit of shock when they first see the school because they're not they're not used to that in every single space, you know, allowing the kids to to be kids, you know. And they're every once in a while I'll hear some comments like, you know, it's a little too loud, it's a little too wild, or you guys are a little bit too nice, you know. Like I I assume that they're meaning like not firm enough. But you know, we still teach, you know, be safe, be respectful, just in different ways. You know, we're not having them bow to get on the mat. We're not having them not look you in the eye or certain things like like some schools do, but we we do teach them to say hi and bye and be respectful in that way, in that matter. And you know, if if they accidentally do hurt somebody, apologize, check if they're okay, have a conversation, talk to them. So in terms of managing and balancing, it is wild. It's wild. I mean, my our own individual family, so we do have two to three breaks every day, although even though we are at the school during every single schedule class. Um so during those breaks, we're literally running in and running out, driving up and down Brea Boulevard to our appointments, to our house, to nap the kids. So yeah, it's a lot of uh, as you know, as a mom, it's a lot of uh figuring it out.

SPEAKER_02 39:42

I mean, as we're like checking in families right now, we're like constantly multitasking. I'm like, hey son, remember when you come home today, this is where the key is. So it's it's tricky. It's tricky, but it's worth it. And I think that's what it sounds like. The next question was about sacrifice, and I don't like that sacrifice can have like a negative twinge to it, but like I sacrifice time on my phone so that I can be present with my kids, or I can sacrifice even a sweet treat at the end of the day because it's more worth it for me to take care of my body by easy bills. Granted, I'm absolutely on my phone and I do love a sweet treat, but I can choose I can pick and choose when, and I think that's a beauty of it. So when the question says, What have you had to do to sacrifice to build this? I don't think it's necessarily a bad thing, but like how has things changed in order to make this happen for you?

SPEAKER_00 40:44

Yeah, yeah. So in the planning phase, I was still working full-time from home. At some point along the line, I went on full full leave for my job because I uh around when we opened doors in December, and you know, I wanted to give my full attention to this, and I I didn't want to split my I I wasn't gonna be able to effectively split my time and that just would be a disservice to my job as well. So, you know, I I took a full leave, I gave that up. My kids are home all of the time, so you know, time that time to yourself is gone, essentially. You know, maybe here and there I can ask to go run an errand by myself, but I don't really have time to myself. You know. So that sort of schedule of freedom is looks different. You know, I'm busier than I've ever been in my life, and but that's exactly what I wanted for our family right now. I wanted us to be together together for everyone to be working together, for the kids to see what hard work looks like, and what building and keeping this a community, a good community around them looks like. So yeah, I sacrifice it feels like we have both my husband and I have sacrificed quite a bit. Um and yeah, I do agree with you. Sacrifice might be not be the right word to describe that because our life compared to what it was this time last year is so much better, in my opinion. You know.

SPEAKER_02 42:12

I think the beauty is understanding life comes in seasons or chapters, or however we want to look at it. And you're right, you were really busy when your kids were in childcare and you were had your job and you were trying to squeeze training in. Like that was busy in such a different way, and your life absolutely is busy now, and there might not be the free time, but that doesn't mean that you're assigned up to this for the next 60 years, you're embracing it while your kids are young because you know, in a couple years, five, 10 years, their place on the mats is going to look very differently, or within third space, they they could be at junior instructors one day, or instructors one day like very soon, and then that will be something different. And then, you know, we always say we're like, we missed the days when we were up to our elbows and finger paints and hind white belts and however it looked like, and so you're embracing this challenge and loving the minutes of it. I think that's the beautiful part is yes, I'm busy and I love it. That's exciting.

SPEAKER_00 43:17

I mean, the previous busy at my job, it was uh the way the best way I can think about it or describe it is it was felt a little bit cold. Like I didn't love that I couldn't pick my circle and the people I was with most of the day. That that is number one for what makes us feel so warm and and just better in comparison, you know. Like I get to be with my family, I get to be with my friends, my family, my community. So and I hope that's how everyone else feels when we're there when they're there too.

SPEAKER_02 43:54

It's I like it in some ways, like jujitsu people are just the best people. Like when we find the people. That we train with that really fit the vibe of the gym because there's a lot of different personalities, and there are lots of different gyms that can support lots of different personalities. And so when you find the right mix of the right people, it's not necessarily an echo chamber where everybody believes the same thing, but it's just the right combination where people feel at home and seen and enjoy it. And that's like what what magic happens when we all get there? What's one of the funniest things that's come from owning a gym? Oh gosh.

SPEAKER_00 44:37

Oh, what's one of the funniest things? I think it's just, you know, I I mean, like you were saying, every business is just something new that's always comes up every day. Like we have no idea. We had no idea what we were getting into. We thought we had a general idea, but every day it's something new, you know, someone new coming in, some new thing with the building happening. Like they're we've started slowly seeing spiders around, and it is like my biggest nemesis right now because like I first of all, I don't want them there, and I don't want them around kids. These are not normal house spiders, so some you know, just little things like that that you don't expect and have to figure out as a business owner is um really interesting.

SPEAKER_02 45:24

So like lists on things I didn't expect. Spiders. Yeah, like my friend, she moved to Wyoming and it's a beautiful property. The town has like 150 people. She lives on a hundred acres, there's like a hundred apple trees, there's a creek that runs through the property. Well, they decided to build campgrounds on it because it's large. And her summers are like, I always call it like real life sims because they're like, how many dumpsters do they need? What campsites are occupied? How many, what how many they had to build an extra bathroom facility because they weren't supporting on this one. The showers out number two. Anyone know how to fix that? It's just like such different life problems that you're like people management. Is such like a funny thing.

SPEAKER_00 46:10

It is, it really is.

SPEAKER_02 46:13

So what happens next with third space and your family? It's so you're you said 23 weeks, 28 weeks.

SPEAKER_00 46:20

Uh, I'm 23 weeks, yeah. So we're doing September.

SPEAKER_02 46:24

Oh, so you have that on the horizon and then the gym. What do you see happening in the next couple years?

SPEAKER_00 46:31

Yeah, um, I we have a lot of ideas. We have a lot of big dreams. Um, I don't know if I want to specifically say all of them outright, but I will I can share that we have big dreams to still incorporate being inclusive for every type of person, every background. You know, when we want to get involved with the local high schools, the local public schools, tournaments, and then nonprofit ideas are in our future as well. So a lot of things have been going through this crazy brain of mine. So and and it's really I don't know if you do this too, but like I have so many goals that like I want to get done all at once, and I just need to organize it all and make sure that we're executing it well before I move on to the next thing. So when everything is all in line with you know what we're doing now, it's just a little bit bigger.

SPEAKER_02 47:35

So I love a good list. I tend to be kind of a wiggly person. It's silly because I tend to be a very wiggly person in life and very intuitive, and I go by feeling, but at the heart of me, I understand when I'm a head thinking, I put it to paper. I have the goal I want to get to. I was a special ed teacher. So, like the goal I want to get to, where I am now, and what are the logical steps in order to get there? And I'm looking for those checkpoints. And every couple months I do kind of a I sit down, like and pad pen and paper and think, where am I financially? Where am I with my relationship? Where am I at school? Where's my fitness? Like, what was my goal that I wanted so badly? Am I still on like a projection to reach that goal? Do I need to kind of refine it? I did not anticipate being in a boot at this week, like in the middle of June, like at almost June. That really puts a damper on things. So my idea of competing in July really is not on the table. So, okay, so what does that mean next? I want to make sure I rehab it thoroughly instead of just jumping back too quickly. And so I I love the refinement, the idea, and maybe that ultimate goal then changes. Like I knew I wasn't going to run any races this year, but also maybe I put off competing until next January or whatever the case is. So here we are. At this time last year, I did not think I was gonna be at a different gym. Here I am. So yeah, I also didn't anticipate like moving houses, and then last November, three weeks later, that happened. So sometimes things just life changes and we make plans and we make the best of it and grow, hopefully.

SPEAKER_00 49:16

Yeah, hopefully, yes. That's too.

SPEAKER_02 49:21

It's been so much fun talking with you, Kat. It's I love what you're doing, and I love how you guys are all embracing it and then to see what happens next because your future sounds so bright.

SPEAKER_00 49:31

Thank you so much. Yeah, it was a lot of fun.

SPEAKER_02 49:34

Do you want to give a little quick gym plug, big gym plug about what you guys are doing and what people can look forward to with Third Space? Oh, yes, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 49:43

Third Space, our our goal is to have uh monthly-ish open mats, co-ed open mats, as well as monthly-ish bodied workshops. So all women's inclusive for all women bodied workshops at the gym. We probably won't have one in June because she has her big camp coming up on the East Coast. But yeah, so look for those events and the way that we plan them and organize them, it's not just for people coming on the mat. We have vendors, so the whole family, friends, anybody you want to come invite or have come with you are welcome to and come to hang out. So yeah, it's it's your third space, it's our third space. Um, it's not just for training, it's to connect with your your people. So yeah.

SPEAKER_02 50:28

I love it. That's so fun. I love them monthly because you guys are about 45-ish minutes from me. So I would love to train. Yeah, I let I'd love to train there more, but getting there, gosh, on the 55 freeway at five o'clock is just a beast. But coming once a month is very doable and having friends and meeting there, like I said, I've met a lot of friends from your seminar that you had in January. So Yeah, I love that.

SPEAKER_00 50:54

I love that when people make those connections and they they stay. And you know, we don't we we know everyone has their home school and they all live in different places. So we love when people come in for our events or even, you know, or for a random drop-in class when they're in in town. So and we love hearing how how what they're what's going on in their lives and their schools as well.

SPEAKER_02 51:14

So yes, perfect, perfect, perfect. Well, I'm gonna get going. I have kids coming home from school soon, and you have a quiet moment. So hopefully you just take care of that. All right, thank you again for talking with me today. Thanks, Emily. My shout out today goes to chasing those little ideas. Sometimes they can make lifelong impacts. Kat's little idea became an entire gym. My little idea became a podcast where I've gotten to meet so many fantastic people. Maybe you'll show up to that open mat and learn that one move that completely changes your jujitsu game. Staying open helps you realize that you never know where the next little idea is going to happen. And that wraps up this episode of Emily's Pajama Party. Thank you so much, Kat, for being on the show. I love how direct she was. I love how funny she was and how real she was. I love that she was very honest about the path of her life and where it is going and the exciting features she has ahead of her. So as always, hope you stay cozy and don't forget Jesus' little ideas.