.JPG)
Emily's Pajama Party
Hi There- I'm Emily and I started my jiujitsu journey in 2024. I am building a community to encourage all women who want to train the accessibility to do so. I interview inspiring individuals to build connection and support.
Emily's Pajama Party
EPP: Meet Criss (Resilience when having to move gyms)
Use Left/Right to seek, Home/End to jump to start or end. Hold shift to jump forward or backward.
This week I got to sit down with my friend Criss. I know growing up, starting at a new school, new teacher, etc made me nervous. Will the kids like me? Will the teacher be nice? As an adult I found the same feelings emerge when I started jiujitsu- what will the culture at the gym be? What are the spoken (and unspoken) rules? Criss knows all about those new kid feelings- as a military veteran she has had to move and restart many areas of life again and again, including bjj gyms. Instead of letting that hold her back, she chose to make the best of the situations and shared her story of resilience and truly blooming wherever she was planted. She inspires me to not wait for the perfect circumstance; I will spend an eternity waiting. #belikecriss and make community and grow!
Hi everyone, welcome to Emily's Pajama Party. My name is Emily and I'm so glad you're here. This little podcast started as a way for me to meet women and hear their stories and build community because we might not always find it at the gym in front of us. Sometimes we will really connect with people, maybe even on the other side of the world. I would love to make jujitsu accessible to all that would like to try it out and maybe thrive in it. So each week I share some fantastic stories. I am always on a hunt to get better because I am just a lowly bluebelt doing her best not to die every round. And it's just a fun little corner of the role that I have carved out for myself. Come along on the journey as I meet another fantastic guest and learn a few new things today. This week, when I think of ways that I can get better, I need to make sure that I roll with intention every time I get on the mat. Coming back from the injury, it matters. Starting out, it matters. When you hit a plateau, it matters. When you come back from a comp, it matters. When you train for a competition, it matters. That little bit of extra thought goes so far. And it's just not enough for me to tell myself I'm gonna win around. Because frankly, if I need to win everything to feel like a success in jujitsu, I would have quit a very long time ago. I've been really trying to focus on a few things at a time. And sometimes it's that upper belt that pulls you aside after your role. And it's like, oh my gosh, you're doing great. However, you should really keep your knees in between yourself and the other person. It's really going to help your game. So that became my hyper focus for like weeks and weeks and weeks. I would roll and heavily end up on my back. And it felt more successful if I could get my knees in between us. So maybe today I will recover guard. Today I will fight for underhooks. Today I will stay on top. Focusing each of the rounds is going to create faster progress. Like one of my previous guests, Tori O'Neill Strong, talked about that. Every role she went in, and she would even discuss it with her partners. How lovely that we can make each other better. We don't have to keep what we are working on. So many of us are working on similar things. This week I'm thrilled to share my interview that I had with my friend Chris. I know that it was really challenging for me to move from one gym to the next. And frankly, just stepping into a jujitsu gym was really intimidating. My first school I went to had a downstairs and an upstairs, and I spent most of my time downstairs and it was this little room and I felt really safe. And then going in the big upstairs room, it was like open and more people and lots of different adult ranks. It was a tremendous thing, like literally and figuratively, just climbing the stairs and getting into that new space. The idea of folks that move from gym to gym because of all sorts of reasons, right? It could be a work thing, it could be a family thing, it could be a medical thing. Who knows, right? It's just it can be very much a barrier for many people thinking, I'm not going to be here for very long. Why should I start? Or I don't know what a new place will look like, or whatever the case may be. So Chris shares her positive spin on moving from many different gyms and truly how her game has thrived because of it. So I am excited for you to come along as I talk with my friend Chris. All right, Chris, welcome to the podcast.
SPEAKER_01I'm so glad you're here. Thank you for having me. I'm super excited to be here with you today. And I'm super excited at the topic that we picked and being able to really speak to the community. Yay! So let's tell me a little bit about yourself. Yeah, so Chris Moody. I live in Milwaukee, Wisconsin. I'm a brown belt in Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu. I've been doing jujitsu for about nine years, military veteran, mom of four, and I also own a athletic recovery center here in Milwaukee. So, like all the things.
SPEAKER_00You do all the things, you wear all the hats.
SPEAKER_01Everything that you can fit into a little ball. I got it.
SPEAKER_00What do you what do you do for fun is kind of a loaded question because, girl, I don't know how you have any free time, but what are all those little things about you? What do you really enjoy?
SPEAKER_01Yeah, I don't have much free time. So what I feel like I've really done with my life is all of the things that I like to do. I've turned those into jobs. Brazilian jujitsu, and I also do taekwondo. That's what I do most of my days of the week, like four to five days of the week, two to three days for jujitsu, two to three days for Taekwondo. And that allows me to be active in the community, network with people for my recovery center. Um, when I'm doing Taekwondo, I do it with my children, so it allows me to have more time with them. So that's really how I've been able to like do it all is you just do it all together.
SPEAKER_00That's really interesting because, like my daughter, she got into rock climbing. She enjoyed it, she was kind of a tiny frame, so it was nice because she could work within her body, learn her way. Then she was on a comp um competitive rock climbing team, and so it could become like a job or whatever, and she lost the joy for it because the motivation changes. It's interesting to me. Like, I tend to be a separation of church and state. I love what I do for my job. So I see all these extra things as being totally separate. So it's very intriguing to me that you put them together, but that again works for you, and we all have our different ways of doing things. So that's really cool that you've been able to incorporate so much together.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, thank you.
SPEAKER_00What you said, you're a veteran. What does yes? I would love for you to elaborate on what that looked like in your life.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, absolutely. So I served for about 10 years in the United States Air Force. I was a captain, military intelligence officer. I spent a lot of time looking at a lot of things and telling people what that meant and keeping people safe.
SPEAKER_00So basically, being an instructor in all your things, you're just like, I'm just gonna change the topic, but basically it's the same thing. You're a mom, you look at the world, you help your kids navigate it, and then explain it for them. And then also in all the other things. That's really cool. Um, what brought you to mil? I'm just curious, your military life. Like, what made you choose going into the Air Force?
SPEAKER_01Yeah, absolutely. So my mom is actually a veteran too. So from early on, I had an appreciation for the military. But if we're being so completely honest, why did I join the military? I needed to pay for college. I needed, I was born and raised in a small town north of Chicago, just between the border of Wisconsin and Illinois, and there weren't very many opportunities, but I knew I wanted to get out and I wanted to do something with my life. So I went to college, I found ROTC, I got a scholarship, I did the program, and I loved it. And it gave me the opportunity to do the things that I wanted to do in my life. So I'm incredibly grateful for what the military offered to my life and how it was able to be really a starting point, a jumping point for me. That's awesome.
SPEAKER_00All right, so that's such a I love seeing family in it, but also being really smart with our decisions, right? We are planning for the future. How are we gonna get there? What are their means? And that fact that it turned out so successful for you. That's really cool. Also, so then you have that piece. How did Brazilian jujitsu enter it? Because I'm sure there's a level of physicality with the military that some people could just be satisfied with that, but then you branched out for jujitsu and taekwondo.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, so I actually started Taekwondo when I was a child. So I've been a lifelong martial artist. I took a good couple years off from that, and then when I was in college, I found Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu through the rec program at my university. So a local school here called Pura Vida BJJ, they do rec classes directly with University of Milwaukee, uh, of Wisconsin, Milwaukee. And so I took one of their cardio kickboxing classes, and the owner, Zach, was like, hey, we also have jujitsu, like, would you want to try it out? It's a one credit class, and being a martial artist, I was like, heck yeah. And so I took it as just a whatever rec class and then fell in love with it. I also met my husband on the mats, so that's a big part of our life, and that's really a big part of our journey and how we grew together. And so once I was in, I was I was hooked, I was stuck.
SPEAKER_00So being at Brown Belt and at just levels of dedication, and I'm sure with you coming back to Taekwondo after having those gaps, what has kept you training through all of that? Because some people, it's like my goal is to start and immediately like starting, I'm gonna be a black belt. Others give themselves like a six-month time frame to see if they really feel it out, and if you love it so much, you've really I'm as I'm sure have gone through ups and downs, but it's kept you in jiu-jitsu.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, so I've definitely had a lot of moments where life and motherhood and work and all of the things that should have made me go, you know what, we're just gonna put this to the side, we're just gonna be done. But I love this sport so much. I really do. And the the confidence that it gives you, the empowerment that it gives you, and one of the things, especially once I had my daughter, being able to see what I am able to build within myself, not even just like externally, but the the internal the the confidence and and how I feel when I walk into a room and the safety that I know that I have because I've you know tried and true. I you know, we roll against grown men and we do this and we do that, and so being able to know what it was able to offer me when I had my daughter, I was like, I want to continue on and show her that you can be this dynamic woman and you can feel safe and you can feel confident, and that's okay. And I want that in all aspects of my life. So that really, really made me double down on I love this.
SPEAKER_00That's so cool. And having a daughter myself, it's the same thing. I want her to be better than I ever have been. And I've been able to whether that's in relationships, whether that's finances, whether that's strength, whether that's knowing herself, like as a people pleaser, as a people, I have worked through so many feelings and to say that like I haven't passed that on to her. That's not her burden to carry. I want to give her the best chance moving forward. Okay, so with the podcast, it's like my brain jumps to the next conversation. But like, so for the audience to know, like the reason I reached out, I'm like, this is really interesting, the idea of military service and jujitsu, because the big elephant in the room, right, is that I'm sure you've been all over all around the world, or maybe not, but even just moving across the country, there's you don't bring a gym in your backpack. It's not taekwondo, like you can do a form on your own, you can practice kicking patterns, but jujitsu, you need a buddy. And also, I guess having a spouse helps with that. But what's the biggest challenge do you find just in life and the military, that moving around piece?
SPEAKER_01Yeah, so for reference, I moved about three times in nine years, so about every three years. And the biggest challenge for me, and uh I feel like this is pretty true across the board for military members, whether they're in jujitsu or not, is when you move to a new place, it's all brand new, like a new school, a new community, a new job, everything. It's a new life every single time. And you have to you have to go into it with this idea that you are going to rebuild, but you also have to go into it with this idea that the life that you are rebuilding is going to be uprooted again in two, three years. And so you just have to be incredibly flexible and incredibly adaptable. And I think that's really what I got the most out of my my time is that that time that flexibility and adaptability, knowing I'm gonna move again, and that's okay because that's just what it is, that's what I signed up for, but that it is gonna be hard and that that's okay because we do hard things.
SPEAKER_00I have heard that time and time on the podcast, and it's like one of the beautiful thread lines. We talk about that we all have different challenges in front of us, and I can think about so many people that feel stuck. It's the only gym in their area, the other one's three hours away. Their training is going to be shaped by that. Knowing that you're gonna be there for a while. I could see pros and cons of it. Like I would think about in some ways, you're like, I can try out a totally different game, and if it doesn't work, oh well, like here we are moving again, but that's so cool. And also just the mindset that has to be adopted in order to be successful. So moving through every three years, we can even have switch academies within a city. How many different um gyms, academies have you trained at?
SPEAKER_01So trained at between 15 and 20 as a formal student, about five.
SPEAKER_00What's it like walking into a gym where no nobody knows you?
SPEAKER_01You would think that gets easier, um, but it doesn't. From the very first day that I walked into Budovida as a no-stripe white belt, it felt the exact same that day as walking into my current gym that I've been at for about a year that I walked into as a brown belt. Like I was so nervous and I wanted to make a good impression and I didn't understand what the the culture or the rules or anything, and just wide-eyed and bushy-tailed, like I'm happy to be here, let's do it.
SPEAKER_00I tend to be just my day, my life as a teacher, I do a lot of data collection. Um, I have like a special background. So I'm watching currently seeing what's works, and I've experiences in my childhood has taught me how to read people to see did they like how I reacted or did they not? Am I gonna shape what kind of behavior do I want to elicit from them? How can I like move and fold and do what I do in order to be accepted? Because that acceptance piece is really hard, right? There's if I'm just zero skilled, but they like me, that is a very different relationship versus having a lot of skills and like barely tolerated or not tolerated. So it's like I'm constantly that there's a period of reading the room, reading the environment, taking data, who's here, who's friends with who. And also part of me, as much as it like takes up a lot of my brain, I am fascinated by it. Like first dates, fabulous. I love to watch how people like move their body, sit their chair, like pick at their finger, talk about this thing, like how people talk about those experiences and how they portray. It's like, what is the phrase? Um, when people show you who they are, believe them. Yes.
SPEAKER_01Oh my god, I quote that all the time. It's one of my favorite phrases. Um, yeah, one of the coolest things about being at so many different gyms is seeing so many different cultures and so many different rules and the way that people go about, you know, obviously the way that the owners go about owning their gym and running their gym, but then also the way the students go about it, the way that the students, you know, their level of respect for their instructors and the way that they speak about their instructors and the way that they follow the rules or don't follow the rules. And there's so much that you can see from that that you're like, oh, okay, that is the the culture that has been built here, and and that is, you know, what I'm going to get out of that this place for better or worse. I've walked into some places where I'm like, oh, okay, this this is not for me. And I've walked into other places where I'm like, wow, this is amazing. What you have built here is beautiful.
SPEAKER_00It's so fascinating, like, there's so much to that. You don't have to necessarily relocate states in order to have those experiences. You're right. Like, I moved two miles down the street, and wouldn't you know in Southern California, you move two miles, exit farther, and it's gonna take an extra 15 minutes. Like, and when you're already pushing boundaries in order to get somewhere on time, adding another making it now like 45 minute to an hour drive versus like a 30 to 45, and there's just so much that goes along with it. And so then just moving to somewhere else, there's like then then like how do you pick out of 20, how do you go moving forward to find some? Because the one right next to you could be amazing or not. The one that's 10 minutes away might be your home that you never knew about.
SPEAKER_01Not even just the distance. I remember being uh when we were in Jersey, there was a school in Princeton, Emily Quok School, just absolutely amazing. She is such a wonderful woman and really created such a uh welcoming and an awesome culture. And if the stars had aligned, I would have loved to stay there. But because of my work schedule and being a new mom, um, I was getting off of work at like 5:30, getting home, saying hi to my one-year-old for 30 minutes, going leaving back out the door to go to jujitsu, and then I'd come back and he was asleep. So the fact that her school was about 30 minutes away from me just meant that I it wasn't realistic for my space and time. So it it's one of those moments where you're like, this is absolutely something that I I would want for my life. However, sometimes you gotta make those sacrifices, and and in that moment, it was either be at the school that I loved or be at home with my kid that I loved. So that was a pretty easy decision.
SPEAKER_00Right. And knowing that different parts of my life, my training is gonna look different, my commitment levels are different, and understanding this is a season I am in, like whether that's in training or motherhood, and knowing it's not gonna be like this forever, for better or worse. Like I last night, I had my 13-year-old and 16-year-old were home, my 18-year-old's up at camp for some time, and we had been, we had done stuff during the day, but not they're kind of like becoming big kids, but they're not like they don't always want to do things with me. It's just fine. And I mean I had totally procrastinated on working out, and I kept telling myself, I'm gonna work out. It's like 9 45 at night. And he and my yogis asked me if I wanted to play Uno. And I'm like, mmm, but I kind of gotta work out, so I'm gonna go work out. And then I sat there like fooling around for another 10 minutes. I'm like, I need to play Uno. I need to play a couple games, the the weights are gonna be there, and so that's very silly. Like, I had so many opportunities if I had planned more efficiently, but he doesn't always ask me to play Uno, and sometimes I'm in bed by that time, it just really depended. And so, in the moment, I played Uno. I hated life working out, but I knew I was gonna be more mad at myself that I didn't, but it's okay, choices were made. That night I could do both. Some nights I don't do both, sometimes I just play Uno or whatever.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, and I think that's that makes just another level of you know challenge when you look at being in a not ideal place for training. I would say here in Milwaukee, there are so many amazing academies, and I am so lucky to to be here now and just have the access to the jujitsu that I do. But when I was in Jersey, when I was in Texas, they didn't have the same kind of direct access. And I had to make those hard decisions of do I, you know, go hard in the gym and you know make that next belt the at the time period that I would like, or do I take a step back and just accept life for for where we're at and be okay with that and be okay with my version of this journey?
SPEAKER_00Totally makes sense. It's we are planning, it's like a it's kind of like budgeting. We talk about the now and we plan for the future. I can't always have the best of all the worlds, and so I need to come to peace with the best that I can do. Now there's lots of different kinds of bests, but then you kind of choose a path and you make that way forward. I'm curious as you find like geographically a new. Place. When you find a gym, does it become your community? Or is it like a I come in, I train hard, you guys are cool, but I gotta go. Because again, that with that family piece involved in it too.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, so it's been different for me at different points in my life. I would say before I had a family, jujitsu was a huge part of my community. So my white and blue belt years, Jiu-Jitsu was my community, and it still very much is my community now, but just in a different way. So there is a woman's rotating open mat that they do here, and every every single month I bring my daughter with me, and so she gets to experience that community. And I don't necessarily get to hang out and you know do jujitsu and everything the same way that I would without having a family, but the the fact that I can still integrate those two is really beautiful.
SPEAKER_00I love that, and I love that you're bringing her along and finding something in such a fun way. Um, I know on the East Coast up there in like the Connecticut area, like True Strength Women's Collectives, like they have the different ones.
SPEAKER_01Oh my god, Alex! She is from she's from here. She's amazing. I love her.
SPEAKER_00She's so cool. Like, do you have a story? She had like and her experience, but I love that as we talked kind of before the episode started. I haven't sometimes I say the same stories over and over again, and sometimes I feel like I take a break. So I know in the very beginning of the podcast I talked a lot about finding community as a woman, like and knowing so coming from like a karate background, our school was pretty isolated. Like we had a very specific style of karate, we had our own special kata, we had our own way of doing things. It was never on the table that we would like jump school to jump school. There was like three or four in the franchise that we could kind of talk to, but it wasn't really until upper like brown and black belts that we even really see each other. And even then, there was nothing like jujitsu. And so on the podcast trying to reach out and build community, and you hear about these women that are doing not the digital version, but like the in flesh on the mat. And I just there's something about like a women's only open mat, and you're all talking about everything is jujitsu related with that lens, and sometimes it's not jujitsu related, but it's still jujitsu related.
SPEAKER_01Yeah. I bet the coolest people that's so cool that um you you mentioned the true strength. Um so Alex Peterson, she used to live here in Wisconsin, and back when I was a white belt, she was the one here creating that women's community. Um, she used to run this thing called Rebel Girls, and she would bring everybody together. And I remember being a white belt and seeing a group of girls for the first time, a group of jujitsu girls, and just being like, wow, there's that many of us. And retrospectively, there wasn't even that many. There was probably 30 girls on the mat, and I promise you that was like 90% of the girls in the state. So it was just so cool to to have some of those people around in the in the early stages that created that community, and really they helped me create my ideals of what jujitsu was and what the jujitsu community was and could be. And I would say people like Alex are the reason that when I look at the the women in jujitsu and the community in jujitsu, I see it so fondly, and I want to help build it, and I want to help build that that connection because we are so much stronger together, and the fact that there's so many more of us now, and so many more like high-level jujitsu women too. When I first started, there were like three or four black belt women in the state, and now there's I can't even count on on definitely can't count on on my hands how many there are, and there's just there's so many more that are coming in the next couple of years, and it's so beautiful to see. And it really, really goes back to people like Alex that built that community and let us know as early wipeouts, like, hey, you have a spot here, and I think that's so important, especially in such a male-dominated sport, to to have strong women leading that charge and showing, you know, obviously younger women too, but even just you know, women that are just starting out, the the 40, the 50-year-old wipeout women too, that they almost feel like children starting starting a new thing. And I feel like sometimes people feel like just because it's an older woman, they don't need the same kind of embrace and the same kind of community. And I love that we're continuing to create that for even them. Like, no matter who you are, there we have a community here for you, and we want you to be here.
SPEAKER_00It's so funny, like I sew fangirl over female black belts because it's like I don't know what you've gone through, but I have like that respect because I have like a little idea of just how much it takes, right? I started jujitsu at like 42, and I'm just and I'm like such a baby in it, and I love it because and I'm also in such a different place in my life than I was when I first started martial arts in my late teens, and but my story is not unique of like I was excited, I was nervous, I got on the mat, I hoped that I'd be accepted, and like I didn't want to be picked last like hick ball, but so much is in my head, and but it's so cool to hear all of it. Like my friend Martine started at 71 and to hear her experiences and to have people talk about you know, she talks about the acceptance that she finds most of the place. Also, to say that the whole jujitsu community is fantastic, wonderful, except be whatever. There's going to be jerks wherever you go. It doesn't matter gender, it doesn't matter state. They're gonna be, but that doesn't necessarily that's a humanity thing, that's not a jujitsu thing. You find your people and you just overwhelmingly find these good. I I interviewed Keisha, this gal. She actually, there's Jody Shields, does bodied jujitsu events and it's very size inclusive, you know, body posit body acceptance. It's not the body positivity thing. I think it's more the body acceptance thing and just find we all have a place to show up authentically as we are. And so she lives in Southern California, and then she did one in the East Coast, and there was a massage therapist there named Keisha, and I arranged for an interview before I realized she had not ever done jujitsu. But then through working that at the event, she's like, I'm gonna take a class. So I got the chance to interview her prior to her first class, and then I'm going to talk with her tomorrow post. I'm like goosebumping thinking about it because she's like everyone was really nice to me. And I know it's just like a bait and switch. I'm gonna get in there, they're gonna yell at me. And I said, Can I tell you seriously, like I was like, Can I tell you a secret? She's like, Yeah, I'm like, they really are that nice, and they really do want you there, and like it feels like a secret that I want to tell everyone. It's a very trusting sport, it's a very vulnerable sport, it's a very ego beating down sport, it's a very inclusive sport. It's it can be what you need it to be. It can be a high comp um highly competitive, it can be a hobby thing, it can be a fast thing, it can be a slow thing. You just have to find what works for you and just kind of lean into that and just know I always say it's kind of like a mosh fit. The more I fight it, the more bones I'm gonna break. But if I trust I'm gonna eventually land back at my feet, I'm gonna be fine. I just have to relax a little bit.
SPEAKER_01So yeah, this sport really is what you make of it. And going back to the the idea of moving around and not having, you know, maybe the the perfect gym scenario or whatever it is, I think I think you can really you could be in the best place ever for jujitsu and it not just it not work out for you. It and it just not be the thing that that you need in your life, and you could be in the middle of nowhere, and it could be your entire life. I think people sometimes focus on making the perfect situation and have and being at the perfect gym, and and that's not always gonna be the case. When I was in Texas, there I was in the middle of nowhere, and there was only one jujitsu gym, and I was super excited that there even was a jiu-jitsu gym, and then I walked in and the professor wasn't so I was there for like a week, and I was like, Oh, you know what? Actually, you kind of suck, and I'm not gonna I'm I'm not training here, and so even though that was at the time the only game in town, I was like, I would rather not have an official academy than be at this person's gym, and I had to go out, and I got really, really lucky with the military community. Jiu Jitsu fares really well with the the community, so finding the club on base and you know building the community that way and continuing my my journey on there, I feel like I got lucky with that, but really it was I had to build what was right for me. And so the perfect situation would have been I walked into that gym and that guy was awesome, and then I loved that academy, and I was there for the entire time that I was in Texas, but it wasn't the perfect situation, and it wasn't the right academy, and I could have just said, okay, I'm done with jujitsu until we're out of here, or I could go and I could find it and I could make it, and that's what I did. I went and I found the the group, and and the group was slowly dying off because it was a very transient base, because there was a schoolhouse on the base, so there was a lot of people that were there for a couple months and then they would leave. So the club had maybe three or four members when we first got there, and we were able to help build that out and build a more stable curriculum and a more stable meeting schedule. And it was by the time we were leaving, like it was so beautiful, and the com the community that we had built with those individuals and the the camaraderie, and I still talk to him, still have uh one guy that I met at that club who I check in with him every so often. I see his life accomplishments, and I'm like, dude, good job. That was so amazing. Like he just got his bachelor's right recently, and I sent him a message, and he's like, he's like, Thanks, coach, I'm trying to be like you. And it just those connections that that I was able to build because I didn't focus on the perfect situation, and I focused on what was within my power and I ran with it.
SPEAKER_00It's like that Thomas Jefferson quote like the harder I work, the luckier I get. Yeah, absolutely. You're like, oh, everything I touch turns to gold. Well, I mean, even if it doesn't turn to gold, it just becomes like higher value than the aluminum that I started with. But also like, what a testament to you because just wanting something doesn't mean it happens. To take something from three or four inconsistent, inconsistent, like and then turn it into something larger, that takes so much work and faith and drive. And I think it really speaks to your motivation too. Like it wasn't finance driven, it was like not only the betterment of me, but also the community. Like and it jujitsu five as a way, I think, of again, raising the trust and experiences. And I'd hope that what foundations you had created with that club then had an overall effect of affecting the community at large too.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, and I know the club is still going now, which makes me super happy. One thing that was really, really cool to see while I was there, there was the the guy I had mentioned, and then there was another guy. Both of them were white belts, but not like six-month white belts, like eight-year white belts. And it was because they found themselves in in similar situations to to kind of what I was explaining. They were, you know, always moving around, you know, the military as a career can be incredibly demanding, so that doesn't always work out with the gym schedule. And so those two individuals had both been white belts for one was like six years, one was like eight years. So I I got to see both of them make it to Blue Belt while we were there, and that was just so beautiful to see. And honestly, big hats off to them for continuing their journey, even though you know they were essentially stuck at White Belt because they didn't belong to a school, because they kept moving around, you know, they had put in the time, they had put in the effort, but they didn't have the legitimacy behind them when they got to a new academy. Because you can't just walk into a new academy and be like, hey, I've had this belt for three years, go ahead and give me my new belt. You have to rebuild that trust and that legitimacy, and and then you get, you know, then comes the promotions if you earn it. Seeing those guys go through that over and over, but still be so passionate about the sport and so open to to learning and and open to putting on that white belt was so beautiful to see, and really it really taught me a lot about the humility in the sport, and I'm really I'm really proud that I was able to meet those guys early on in my time because it it taught me a lot about what this sport truly is. I think people sometimes get caught up on the belts and the stripes and and the rankings, and it's so much more than that. And so to see these two gentlemen who were literally testaments to that, that you know, they didn't care what belt they were, they didn't count care what rank they were, they just cared that when they had the m the chance, they were on the mat and they made the most of it, and it was it was really beautiful.
SPEAKER_00Now, as you're talking about how cool it is to see these guys go through, and really I can totally understand not the frustration, because if we are truly lifelong learners, it doesn't matter what the color is wrapped around my waist because I am learning and growing, and that's reward. But there's something to be said about showing some sort of outward signs of that growth. Like, yes, our body physique may change and things like that, but knowing I am progressing towards something larger, like it looks different, it doesn't mean it's zero importance. There's still a little bit of it. So, like, how cool to see that growth and that change because that could have felt like an Everest in so many different ways, just out of no like reason of their own. It wasn't because they had been inconsistent on purpose, it was just life circumstances. Now, understanding that piece of I know like what's about the military, but like knowing there's like the officer route and there's rankings and also fraternization, how you can interact. A friend of mine, her husband's a high-ranking officer in the army and she lives out of the country, and it can be really challenging forming friendships because there is different rules of engagement for different folks. Do you find that that presents on the mat on the mats as well? Or is it a shared understanding that once we're all in here, we're all the same?
SPEAKER_01I would say it it always starts there. Every every new person that we had, every new place that we went, there was always a moment of that, and there's also so much respect and discipline around that that even when that goes away on the mat, it comes right back the second that we're off the mat. I would say my husband had a hard time making friends because his wife was an officer. So there would be he got along really well with a lot of enlisted men, and they couldn't, you know, they couldn't come hang out at our house, and they couldn't, you know, we couldn't go out to dinner with them in the same way that that we could if it was an officer friend. Even even the officer friends, when we were at the base with the schoolhouse, there was a separation between the instructors and the students, whether they were enlisted or officer, and so there's definitely a big disconnect there with who you are able to build that community outside of the mat on with, but it was really, really beautiful to see like the second that you come on the mat, nobody knows if you're an E1 or an O5, you're just on the mat, and that was really really beautiful to see. And honestly, sometimes it was kind of kind of nice to see the the people that were stuck on that. It was nice to see them gain some humility and be reminded, like, hey, when you're on these mats, you're just on these mats. No one cares that when you walk off of this mat, you're a major. Like you're just a you're a white belt here, just like everyone else. And you know, it was cool to see that there are still moments in their life and in society where you're kind of reminded, hey, we're all human.
SPEAKER_00You added another layer that could potentially be a barrier of somebody getting into a sport, of like saying that because of a job title. Like I I can work with surgeons, I can work with attorneys, I can work with demo guys, I can work with everybody and not have to worry about something that might separate us and the real world. But it's the military just holds like a little bit of that uniqueness into it. And so I think that I appreciate you talking to that point because yet again, jujitsu can be such an equalizer if we let it be. Like we all have our hangups of something that might get in our way. And I find most of the time it's just me in my head getting away from myself.
SPEAKER_01But yeah, absolutely. I I I definitely heard a couple people along the way that were like, Oh, I would love to, you know, be a part of the club, but I I don't want to be rolling with students or I don't want to be, you know, rolling with my enlisted members because what will they think of me? And I honestly I feel like the people that went and did actually, you know, go on the mat and be a part of it gained more respect from those people. And the people that were so scared of you know being part of that group and co-mingling, those were the ones that continued to create that that distance and the and that that barrier between the two. And you know, for better or worse, there are definitely people in certain positions where it's like you need to be Batman. You you need to be this this outside force, and and I get that. And you know, I hope at your next space, in your next situation, that you are allowed to be a human. But I do understand that in your current position, you're kind of not allowed to be human.
SPEAKER_00That's so funny that you mentioned the Be Batman part because I heard somebody say that the other day. And so it's so funny that you made the same reference. What I like about your story and hearing so many different stories, I may not be able to relate to it as being in the military, but I can also relate to it that as like being a female. So some women will because like I will absolutely give understanding that women, humans, humans have been through trauma that will then make us nervous about future experiences. I know in my own case, I just worried about somebody thinking like I was good enough to work with or was valued enough in order to like be a good role or a good partner or things like that. But sometimes when you find yourself on the mat, you're like, oh my gosh, my best training partner is an 18-year-old D1 wrestler or whatever the case is. You're like, I never would have expected Dr. Joe to be my buddy that I always look for. There's one gal I work with in the mornings, she's like, she calls them her old man friends, like her all of her uh until before that, like all of her training partners, but it's just like a bunch of old guys. And she's like, I love my old guys and they love me, and they take care of me and I protect them and I give them hard rolls. And same. Sometimes we're like, as a female being smaller, we're like super slippery and quick. They're like, we don't even know what to do with you because you like crunch into like a tiny little ball, and all of our normal defenses don't work because. you just disappear and so you're like well I try.
SPEAKER_01Yeah my favorite training partners as a white belt were 40 year old men. There was a uh he I I want to say he was in his 40s and he was a purple belt and as a white belt he was the absolute best training partner that I could ever ask for. And um when one of my mentors in the sport a little bit older than me male were a similar size which is really cool because that doesn't happen often and he is just the absolute best training partner that I could ever ask for and he was he was amazing uh he still is amazing but it's so important for us to be able to create that that welcome and you know for women to to create that but also for men to create that and for men to be that safe space. So I got incredibly lucky to to have people like Jamie and have people like Omar who went out of their way to make sure that I felt like I belonged and I felt like I had a had a place that I could be Omar specifically he was my main training partner and at times only training partner throughout my pregnancies and so to have someone who you know as a man he can't fully understand what I'm going through or what exactly I need but he was so open and willing to adjust and do what I needed to and such a such a wealth of knowledge he was a he's a three-striped black belt so he's been doing this since the dawn of time and to have someone who was so willing to put their own stuff aside to make me feel feel welcome and make me feel safe I am so grateful for for people like that and and I hope that we continue to have more people like that across the sport whether that is a woman or a man and make people feel more welcome in this sport because you know when we go back to the idea of you know what do you do when you're moving around and you're traveling and and finding new gyms those people are the thing that really change it. When you go to a new gym and you are feeling uncomfortable and you're not sure about yourself, you're not sure about the space it's the the Omars in the world that make you feel welcome and make you feel like you belong and and that's what really matters.
SPEAKER_00I have I will again one of my truisms I always say about jujitsu when I look around the class and I'm having like the any creeping to feelings of self-doubt I realize every single person I work with is usually like bigger than me, stronger than me, whatever, how lucky I am to be in a place where I'm always working on getting better. I because I cannot rely on brute strength. Would I like to be able to like chess press somebody right off of me and toss them because it would look really funny. Absolutely but that's not realistic for me on the street. And so how lucky for me to always be in a situation that's going to force technically sound things. Or like yes I might be able to move faster but that's only going to get me so far. And so I feel incredibly grateful. You're right for the training partners for the Omar's for the people that are there that are going to be accepting billing and also like yay sometimes only a few of us they're like okay there's 28 people in this room two are slightly billed but like everyone else is be built like juggernauts like we're gonna be fine we're not gonna like totally change the game for everybody. And we are the stewards of what respect vulnerability trust looks like too because I am not going to I don't want to say pout because I like I might get frustrated I might cry I might get hurt whatever whatever but I'm not going to I'm gonna show up strong respectful ready to train and I as I would expect my partners to I don't want them to ever baby me because I had a fit and so they need to be gentle with me. Like that's I'm coming here to play like I'm here to play like I want to work really hard and I want to see and then when they see that they're like oh this girl is tougher than she looks and so it kind of changes their outlook like we're not what did I say the other day like I we're coming back from injury like I'm not invincible but I'm not made of glass like this is this is the prime time for me to get better if I don't try out the technique pushing my limits in a very controlled environment what am I gonna do when I actually need this stuff absolutely so it's so I I love that it can be so many different things and we are like oh I always say we're like a weird stew like whoever makes up that class that day like the shopping cart is the whole school but whoever shows up to the class just makes a very unique mix that we will maybe get again maybe never get again but we're all important supposed to be there.
SPEAKER_01Yeah absolutely and I think a big part of that is walking into the room with humility and understanding that you know whether you've trained for six months six years sixteen years you you still need to walk in with that that same respect for everyone around you and and the humility of there's always someone better than you there's always someone worse than you and it's really it's outside of competition it's not about that it's about being able to build that community and and offer people that opportunity to you know get better and to thrive and to you know get out of this sport what they're looking for so important like that ego piece is continually trust like tested over and over again and right when I feel like I got a compliment or I did really well the next class I could just be the nail and just fail and know oh well like I might not love it in this moment but I kind of do love it because I know that the story can flip so quickly tomorrow's a new day and I guess that resiliency piece can be so important.
SPEAKER_00And also like um I read somewhere the other day it's like start a fitness journey journey in stressful situations. Like your ne life is never going to be without difficulty. And I can imagine with military life there's a lot of opportunities for stressful situations.
SPEAKER_01Has jiu-jitsu been something that has helped you cope with that yeah absolutely from from getting through my my technical school and the the long hard days and the stress of like am I going to pass the school am I going to be allowed to be an analyst to you know actually being an analyst and and seeing some of the the stuff that you know we had to to report on and and then to to being in in charge and like people's people's lives are are in your you know in your hands and not even necessarily like oh I'm working on on your literal body but you know even just in non-combat roles and non-combat environments if I'm in charge of you know a group of people uh however big or small that is they have lives and they have stresses and they need somebody to who's gonna look out for them and you know that does come with its own stress knowing that you know whatever happens in their life is also kind of on me and and I another thing that you know I may need to navigate and being able to leave work at the end of the day and walk away from that and go get on the mat and put all of that to the side and just have a moment of this is this is just for me. And one thing my my husband says that I really love is you can't think about the things that are stressing you out when you're worried about not getting choked out even just today my kids were out something in the water they all of them were crying and fighting and you know my oldest is six and so I have four kids six and under and they were just at each other's throats and I was like hey do you do you mind if I go to noon class and my husband's like yeah go for it and being able to just go to class today and and focus on you know making my ex-guard better versus like oh my god how do I get my kid to stop crying and just having that moment to to think about something else and focus on something else is just so important.
SPEAKER_00And also what a good example it does it's you're setting for kids, right? When life is hard and yet I persevere and yet I get stronger and it doesn't diminish how challenging it might be but it's not going to define me. And so that's really cool. Whether that is literally a physical thing that's happening on the mat or what we carry in our real life but so many parallels between jujitsu and life it's just wild for me.
SPEAKER_01Absolutely so what does your future jujitsu what does your future in jujitsu look like so my biggest goal right now for jujitsu as I go through the rest of my time at Brown Belt I want to be well rounded and I want to feel like when I get my black belt it's a real legitimate black belt like I I think my professor right now is an absolute wealth of knowledge um and one of the reasons that I chose this specific academy was because of the lack level of academia uh from him and and the goal of you know not just being a black belt but being a damn good black belt and I don't just mean like oh you know winning winning worlds and winning ADCC and and all of these things like sure those things are cool but at the end of the day when someone learns from me I want them to feel like like holy snap like this girl knows jujitsu through and through so that's that's really what I'm working on right now is you know as I work towards that black belt however long it may take you know rounding out those skills and feeling confident and and making sure that my professor feels confident that when he you know wraps that belt around my waist that he knows like this is not just something that she got because she's been in the sport for 10 years. This is something that she got because she worked hard and the level of knowledge that she has of this sport is that of a black belt I haven't heard it said that way and I love it so much.
SPEAKER_00Like I as I think about my own personal life when I I've been a teacher for over two decades. And so I've been around the block a couple times I I've seen things school things done you you learn and you have that person that you look at and I have this woman her name is Laura and when I started my new grade level she was like I call her my Yoda I'll not I've ever told her that but I just my family knows if she says something they're like wait what's her opinion on it because she used to just like be my go-to and she's my confidant and I could tell her things and she would lead me in the right direction without just telling me what to do. It was always so why and should help me uncover and it was just this glorious path to learning and discovering and I have a new friend that started on my team my Laura has since retired over 10 years ago and Andrea referred to me like her Laura and I was like to have that like response it was like such a cool feeling and then they were talking about being a damn good black belt and like I want to be a damn good bluebelt I want to be a damn good purple I feel like I don't need that distinction but like I want that to be added when someone talks about she's a damn good one. Like and I feel nowhere near being a damn good blue belt. So it might just take me like a decade to get there. But like so solid in our understanding a conduit of information and growth and just what a great thing to strive for. Again yes jujitsu related but also just that life piece related that's so I really like that. Thank you.
SPEAKER_01Yeah I I look at myself as a a lifelong learner and I I want to put that across the board in in everything that I do and you know and show my children that that is something to to strive for too to to be really good at the things that you decide to do and put your mind to but also that there is more than one definition of good you know some people think that you have to have to have world titles and and things like that behind your name to be considered good but there's plenty of people that don't have that that if you speak to them if you listen to the way that they explain jujitsu and and their wealth of knowledge you're just like holy snap like and that's really what I want to be I want to be that person that when you talk to me about jujitsu and and when we go into breaking things down you're like where is all of that hiding and like how do you have so much up there and and that's that's really the goal that's I I love the lifelong learner piece because everything can always get better and like how and to have the space and also the acknowledgement and the understanding the why is so important to me in just about everything I do.
SPEAKER_00And once you find out they always say like if you can define your problem detailed explicitly that's at your 80% of the way to solving it and to look at not the world as a a bunch of simple situational circumstances but a patterns of behavior things flow like it all just starts melting together as we learn all of those nuances. It takes the world out of my success and it becomes very internal but then in a way it just becomes something that is just an understood that's a it's such a in and out and all around kind of idea but that's awesome. I love that. Well as we start to wrap up our time together Chris thank you so much for talking with me and like full honesty we barely we had like three or four message exchanges that led up to this conversation and I honestly had no idea how it gonna go but gosh what a delight to talk to you. This has been really fun.
SPEAKER_01Yeah thank you so much for for you know being open to to talking to me and um you know bringing light to the conversation that we had today and the difficulties around moving whether that's as a military member or just as someone you know who is looking for something new in life and and moving around like I said in the beginning I I really hope that if you are someone who finds themselves in that situation whether that is as a member of the military or just someone moving that you can feel seen and you can feel like we spoke to you today because that's really what we were trying to do is is speak to them and let them know that it's okay that it's not the perfect situation and your community is there and you know just gotta go out and find it.
SPEAKER_00And I think as we end like we all fall into three camps wherever we happen to be in our moment life and that doesn't mean that we can't change them but there are some that are the flexible thinkers I want something I don't know how I'm gonna get there but I'm gonna find a way then there's the I want something I thought this was going to be the path I was going to take that didn't work oh no and then you have to like make the choice to become flexible you don't want to but you see the benefit of it and then there's the like it didn't work out well now my life is over and that will never be a possibility. And so we can choose some people I think are just that way that they just like move like water and it's fine. And some of us are kind of more stonier and then me. And then like I learned through enough of like school of hard knocks like I want to change because I want the better. It doesn't necessarily feel right but if I work hard at it long enough then I can get the goals I want and then there's like that self-limiting like it's not gonna get better. So I'm just gonna not pursue it or speak loudly about why things never work out. And so I love that you can give the room like look you were all over and you have carved miraculous things wherever you go. So I hope this as you said brings more people on the mat and also affirms like the great work that many people are doing in order to have to hop from place to place. Absolutely thank you again Chris for your time today. Yeah thank you my shout out today goes to our favorite training partners reach out to your Omar's or your Cadens or your Clays or your Jenna's and just say you know what thank you so much for being the person to help me grow. You've seen me at my best you've seen me at my worst and being on the mat is just a little bit easier with those great people around us. As I wrap up I want to give a huge shout out and a huge thank you to my friend Chris. I loved hearing her story of the resiliency and the perseverance what she was able to create out of the space that she had sometimes in life I feel like that dandelion that has grown through a crack in the sidewalk you we uh we are never going to be in the absolute perfect position whether on the maps in life relationships money whatever it is what are we going to do with it to enjoy it along the way if we need to move gyms sometimes it happens if we need to find new partners or move or all sorts of things we can find the joy and we can find the success no matter where we're planted. Thank you so much for listening to this episode of Emily's Pajama Party. I hope you come back to the next one I hope you stay cozy and high five your professor when you leave class night and thank them for being there because we have some really amazing instructors on the map.