The Structure That Gives You More Freedom

If you've ever blown up a "perfect" routine two weeks in and decided the problem was you, I created this episode with you in mind.

For years I was convinced I hated structure. That I was bad at routines, not disciplined enough, just too creative for any of it. Turns out none of that was true. I don't hate structure; I just can't thrive inside structures that are too rigid or too disconnected from how I'm actually wired.

This week, I'm digging into why deeply feeling, deeply thinking people so often push back against systems, and the reframe that changed everything for me: good structure doesn't trap you, it protects your freedom. The goal isn't more discipline. It's finding the least amount of structure that still gets you where you want to go.

This Episode Dives Into:

• Why you might not hate structure — just the rigid, "because I said so" kind
• The pendulum swing from oppressive structure to zero structure (and why neither worked)
• Why good structure protects your freedom instead of stealing it
• The "minimum effective structure" — and how to find yours
• Why the routine your inspired self designs isn't the one your everyday self can keep
• How small early wins change your whole relationship to structure
• Why forcing yourself into someone else's system so often backfires
• Wanting the result vs. wanting the lifestyle required to maintain it

Who This Episode Is For:

• Highly sensitive people, empaths, and deep feelers
• Creative and independent thinkers who bristle at rigid systems
• Anyone who's ever abandoned a "perfect" routine and blamed themselves
• People who need the why before they can commit to the how
• Anyone chasing a result without asking if they want the lifestyle behind it
• Those craving consistency without burning out to get it

Links & Resources For This Episode:

• Subscribe to my Weekly Newsletter
• Visit My Website
• Book a Storyboarding Session / Messaging Audit
• Book a Full-Scale Marketing Audit (Website/Messaging/Digital Presence)
• Get the Book: The Empath Detox
• The Empath Detox Oracle Deck

Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:03

Welcome to the Energy Exchange, a podcast for deep feelers and quiet leaders. Here, we explore what happens when we start working with our natural energy in both our business and personal lives. I'm Colleen Wallach. I'm a highly sensitive professional who spend years untangling patterns of overthinking, people pleasing, and playing small just to feel safe. Now, I help others like me step more fully into their power without losing the superpower of their softness. We don't have to be allowed to be seen, and we don't have to push to be powerful. Everything is energy. Let's start this exchange. Welcome into this week's episode of the Energy Exchange. Today's episode is for anyone who has a not so great relationship with systems and structure. For years I thought I hated structure. I thought I was bad at routines, I thought I'm just not disciplined, that I'm too creative for structure. Turns out I don't hate structure. I just can't thrive in structures that are too rigid or disconnected from how I'm naturally wired. And if that's you as well, that's what we're diving into today. I am not a person who likes being told what to do without any room for question. I think back to being a kid asking, you know, why can't I do this or why is it done this way? And getting a response back of because that's how it is. Or worse yet, because I said so. That's the absolute worst, right? That can mess with your head and your motivation. At least it did for me. When you're a deeply feeling person who is also deeply thinking, often to the point of overthinking, you want to understand the why. I need context. I need to understand the reasoning. I need to see how it connects to the outcome. Doing something because someone told me to do it or because that's the way it's always been done, that ain't it. So I don't thrive in environments or on workout plans or business growth challenges that leave no room for autonomy. And not autonomy for the sake of doing whatever I want. I just mean the freedom to question, to adapt, or to do something differently when a different approach makes more sense. Healthy structure allows for that understanding and adaptation. Unhealthy structure demands compliance just for its own sake. And even saying that, I can think of workplaces as an example where that was the norm. So if you think that you're not wired for structure, it's possible that you've just spent a lot of time in unhealthy structures. So about 10 years ago, I left a more traditional workplace because I felt like I couldn't breathe creatively. And that was affecting both my work output and the energy that I was bringing into my life. So I had spent at least 15 years probably in really oppressive workplaces. That's a relative term, but for me, they were oppressive. So when I did that, I kind of did a full 180. And all of a sudden, it was all about freedom and flexibility. Those were my two things. They're still super important to me, but that was literally my life mantra. You didn't fit into that, see you bye. Structure was pretty much tossed out the window. But what I learned over time, it probably took me like a year, is that without any structure, my priorities got really blurry. Projects I was working on, they expanded beyond reasonable times because everything in my world felt equally important. And my output dropped. The quality of what I was doing also dropped. So now I know that I do really need deadlines, accountability, all the things. I need something that keeps me from floating around in my own freedom forever. But I need flexibility within that structure. So this is the counterintuitive part because I think sometimes in our brains, structure and freedom are pitted as opposites. But structure is not the opposite of freedom. Good structure protects our freedom. A budget is ultimately going to create financial freedom for you. Boundaries, those can create emotional freedom. In a perfect world, we're not trapped by the structure, we're supported by it. Once I understood that for myself, the question stopped being, how do I become more disciplined? And instead became, what is the smallest amount of structure that gives me both the results and the freedom that I actually want? Because you know, when we're making a big change, we're starting something new, we're going after a new goal, we usually make that decision from our most inspired, excited, action-oriented self. But that's not always the version of us who will actually have to carry out the plan. I mean, think of every New Year's resolution you made. At first, we're hyped up, that excitement might last us a few days, a few weeks, maybe a month. But when that initial dopamine wears off, and now we're trying to fit this new routine into our everyday life, things can shift. That routine that we created from that highly motivated place might not actually align with how we naturally live our life. That effort required to maintain that perfect system over a long period of time is so high that it can't last. Whenever I'm trying to implement something new, whether it's related to fitness, my business, a creative project, I ask myself, like, what is the least amount of structure that will help me become the version of myself that I want to be in this? And notice I didn't say the least amount of effort, I said the least amount of structure. For me, that looks like three or four workouts a week instead of five or six, especially if I'm still getting results. Or one solid planning session each week instead of this color-coded hour by hour schedule. It's having a morning anchor instead of a minute-by-minute morning routine. My anchor is drinking my protein shake while I walk outside and listen to my favorite podcast. For me, that's so simple and it's easy to commit to. I don't even have to think about it, but it kickstarts my entire day. It has a ripple effect. The goal for me is finding that baseline level required to create consistency, to get some wins, and gain momentum without triggering burnout or resentment of the structure that I've created for myself. We're trying to avoid that all or nothing jump from zero structure or planning to a system that requires everything all at once. Now, for some people, a highly structured plan creates momentum, but for people who naturally resist rigid systems, too much structure can create immediate pushback. A better solution is finding that starting point that's small enough to maintain, but meaningful enough to produce evidence. Those early wins will change your relationship to the structure. If you find that it's helping you and not controlling you, you might naturally start expanding that structured container. And not because someone told you to or they told you that was the right thing to do, but because you've directly experienced the benefit. Growth becomes easier now because it's built from proof, not pressure. If you're feeling this in your own life, a good question to ask is what is a system that I keep abandoning? Is there a goal for yourself that you are maybe gung-ho about, but you completely dropped it or you feel like you're slacking in it? And be honest with yourself in that too. Is that structure just too demanding to sustain, given everything else going on in your world and your other priorities? And if so, what is the smallest version you could still do at maybe 50% capacity? Because if you're feeling so stifled that you're barely doing anything at all, you're not getting any wins. So what's the smallest version where we get a little bit of momentum going? One that comes up a lot with my marketing clients is staying on a consistent posting plan for their social media. So maybe we don't set a plan where we're posting seven days a week with three content pillars and an hour by hour calendar. Maybe we're choosing three recurring topics and posting when we have something real to say or saying, hey, I'm posting one time a week. With your work structure, maybe it's not planning every hour of your day. Maybe it's deciding on the three things that matter today before you even open your inbox. When I start my day with a never-ending to-do list, I'm gonna tell you right now, I'm lucky if I get one of those things done. I'm probably gonna get 10 things done that aren't even on the list. And then I go to bed feeling like I accomplished nothing and I sit down with the same list the next morning and the morning after that. But when I start my day with the intention of getting this one huge thing done, or maybe two medium-sized things, they get done. And then I have this real sense of accomplishment at the end of the day instead of thinking about everything that I didn't get done. That one shift has completely changed my energy about my work and my productivity. And it's a lot more attainable to me than trying to optimize every hour for the sake of optimizing every hour. Back to those big projects, big goals that we might set. A lot of times we fail at launching those new things because we're trying to force ourselves into someone else's operating system. So I don't know what your social media algorithm looks like, but every day mine presents me with at least a dozen workshops, webinars, playbooks, systems that promise me a result. Give me $27, I'll make you a six-figure earner on Instagram, or I'll help you lose 50 pounds. I'm getting a lot of perimenopause stuff. For me, it's marketing and weight loss. And the proof might be real. The person selling it may genuinely know how to get the results they're selling, but we usually see the result before we understand or consider what it took them to get there. Using weight loss as an example, someone might have the body you want and the expertise to help you achieve it for yourself. But if their method depends on a level of restriction, training, or lifestyle control that does not align with your values or the life you want to live, you're gonna struggle inside of that system. You want their result, but do you also want the life required to maintain it? A personal example of this for me is choosing a fitness coach. Many of you know that I've been on some version of a health and weight loss journey for most of my adult life. I lost about 100 pounds in my 20s, so I know how to lose weight. What I haven't always known is how to create results in a way that I could actually sustain. I've done plenty of things that worked for a while, but none of them had an off-ramp. They required more restriction, more cardio, or more intensity to keep seeing progress. And the frustrating part for me is I've always been the girl who tries. Like I'm the girl who shows up on vacation with my green juices, my protein powder, my supplements. But despite my continued focus on all of these things, I wasn't seeing results that matched the effort. I recently found a coach whose approach and lifestyle felt much more aligned with mine. She had also battled weight her entire adult life, dealt with health issues, and eventually became a functional medicine doctor. I like her pragmatic approach, but more importantly, I like how she lives. When I told her I was going to Italy in the middle of the program, she didn't tell me to avoid wine and pasta. Her approach was, you have to live your life. How are you going to go to Italy and still be the person who lives this lifestyle and gets the results that you've been getting? So I went for two and a half weeks. I ate the food, I drank the wine, I walked a lot, enjoyed myself, and I came home a few pounds lighter. That was the first time I thought, oh, I can live like this forever. I am in a sustainable structure. And in 30 years of fitness programming, I have never said that. So that experience taught me something that had nothing to do with fitness or nutrition. It taught me that the right structure stretches you without requiring you to completely change who you are and how you naturally show up. Where in your life are you choosing a result without asking whether you want the lifestyle required to maintain it? Anything that requires you to fight yourself every single day, that's probably going to be really hard to launch and even harder to maintain. This isn't structure versus freedom. It's about finding the level of structure that supports your life instead of forcing you to override yourself. Because constantly fighting the way we're wired to work is exhausting. That's an energetic battle that will drain you over time. Discipline should help you access your life, not make your life feel like a punishment. If I'm getting the outcome, but I am miserable inside of the process, what is any of this for? Is this outcome even going to last? So I try to look at what level of structure gets me where I want to go while still letting me enjoy being alive. Like seriously. So to wrap this up, maybe you're not bad at routines, guys. Maybe you're not undisciplined. Maybe you're not too creative for structure. Maybe you've just been trying to build your life inside of a structure that is not designed for you. All right, I'm gonna leave it there. If you're vibing with this podcast, I would love your review, especially on Apple Podcasts or Spotify. Thank you so much for listening. I will chat with you next week.