EP. 8 Building Resilience Through Setbacks

Life doesn’t always go as planned, and setbacks can leave us feeling stuck, overwhelmed, or even alone. In this episode, I share a deeply personal journey through challenges and the lessons I learned about resilience, self-compassion, and the power of support.

We explore practical ways to take small, meaningful steps forward, celebrate progress, create accountability, and reframe setbacks as chapters in your story — not the whole story. You’ll also hear how connection, vulnerability, and asking for help can be game-changers when life feels heavy.

Whether you’re navigating heartbreak, loss, career struggles, or health challenges, this episode offers encouragement, tools, and perspective to help you rise stronger, one step at a time.

Transcript

SPEAKER_01 0:02

Welcome back to healing ladies and the coming where we stop attending and stop healing for real. It's your girl, your host Caleb. And welcome, my beautiful people, and my fellow and thinkers, you are coming on this coming. My list of countries are coming and everything it takes to live this life out of it. Now, guys, setbacks have a way of shaking everything. Your plans, your confidence, even how you believe in yourself. And just when something falls apart, it's not just disappointing. It can feel very, very personal. Now I've been there in seasons where I did everything I could, I gave my best, and I still ended up having to start all over. And what I learned in this is a setback doesn't mean you failed. It means something is asking you to rebuild differently. And if you're in the place right now where things didn't go the way you hoped, I want you to know you're not weak for feeling tired and you're not behind because things slowed down. On today, we're talking about building resilience after setbacks. Not the kind that forces you to push through pain, but the kind that helps you rise with more clarity, strength, and self-trust than before. Now, resilience is one of those words we hear all the time, but no one really explains it. You know, we're taught that being resilient means being strong, unbothered, and somehow able to handle everything without breaking down. Yeah, like we're supposed to just take life punches and say, Oh, I'm fine, while we're clearly not fine. But that's not resilience, that's oppression. And eventually, suppression always shows up, usually at the worst possible time. Now, real resilience is being honest with yourself. It's crying when you need to cry, resting when you're exhausted, and still deciding I'm not done. Resilience is getting knocked down and saying, Okay, that hurt. I need a minute, but I trust myself enough to get back up. And here's the empowering part. Resilience isn't a personality trait reserved for a lucky few. It's a skill. You know, it's something you build every time you survive something you thought you wouldn't, every time you chose growth over giving up. And if you're listening to this thinking, I don't feel resilient at all. Friend, I want you to hear this. If you're still here, still trying and still breathing, you are more resilient than you realize. Even on the days when your version of resilience looks like getting out of bed and answering one email. Yeah, that counts too. Now, setbacks hurt so deeply because they don't just affect what's happening around us, they affect how we see ourselves. When things fall apart, the mind doesn't just say that didn't work, it says something must be wrong with me. And there was a season in my life where it felt like everything collapsed at once. You know, I got my heart broken, I lost my job right before the holidays, and I was dealing with judgment from people in church. You know, those people who talked about grace but didn't show it. And on top of all of that, I was navigating PCOS and the emotional and physical toll it took. Okay. I didn't just feel sad, I was really depressed quietly, deeply, and I didn't know how to explain it without feeling ashamed. And what hurt the most wasn't just the loss, it was feeling unseen and misunderstood at the same time. I was feeling like I had to be strong, faithful, and positive, but when on the inside, I was barely holding it together. Now I want to pause here and say this. I wouldn't have made it through that season without two friends, and they know who they are, and they showed up for me without judgment. Okay, they didn't try to fix me, they didn't spiritualize my pain, you know, they just listened. They sat with me and they reminded me who I was when I couldn't see it myself. And if you're listening and you have even one person like that in your life, hold on to them. And if you are that person for someone else, from me to you, thank you. Because that kind of love, it truly saves lives. And looking back now, I see that season didn't destroy me, it stripped me down and rebuilt me with more honesty, compassion, and strength than I had ever before. And if you're in the middle of a season like that right now, I need you to hear this. Friend, you're not weak for struggling. You're human and you're not alone. Now, after surviving seasons like that, I realized something crucial. The way we see a setback changes everything. You know, for so long, I looked at everything that went wrong and asked myself, why me? Or what did I do to deserve this? How many of us have asked those questions? Yeah. And honestly, that mindset kept me stuck. It made the pain bigger, the fear louder, and the hopelessness heavier. But the turning point came when I asked a different question. What is this trying to teach me? Or how is this shaping me for something better? And then suddenly, setbacks weren't just obstacles, they were teachers. Reframing a setback doesn't erase the pain, it doesn't pretend the heartbreak, the job loss, the judgment, or the illness didn't happen, but it does shift your energy from helplessness to curiosity, from fear to possibility, and from shame to growth. And here's the thing: reframing doesn't happen overnight. It's a practice, a choice you make again and again and again to see what's happening, not at the end of your story, but as the chapter that's setting you up for something stronger, wiser, and more resilient than before. Now that we've talked about reframing setbacks, let's get practical. One of the first and most important steps in building resilience is emotional honesty. Resilience doesn't mean ignoring your feelings or forcing yourself to quote unquote tough it out. Real strength comes from acknowledging exactly how you feel, whether it's anger, sadness, fear, or exhaustion. And let's be real, sometimes your feelings are messy. You might be laughing one minute and crying the next, and friend, that's okay. Life doesn't come with neat little boxes for our emotions, and resilience isn't about fitting into them. I know it's tempting to tell yourself, I should be over this by now, or other people have it worse, so I can't feel this way. And if you're like me, sometimes you even try to negotiate with your emotions. Like, okay, sadness, you can stay for five minutes, but then you're leaving. Yeah, emotions don't come with contracts though. And here's what really helped me I started naming my feelings out loud. I say things like, I'm heartbroken, I'm frustrated, I'm scared, and also I am hungry, and that's probably making everything worse. And for some reason, adding that little humor, acknowledging the ridiculous little things along with the heavy stuff, made the feelings feel manageable. Because the moment I acknowledged my truth, even just a little, I felt a little tiny spark of control. And it was a reminder that I wasn't drowning. I was noticing the water around me and learning how to swim. And hey, sometimes swimming means failing a little, and sometimes maybe swallowing some water, and that's okay too, friend. So step one to resilience is simple but powerful. Feel it fully, name it honestly, and allow yourself to be human, messy, imperfect, and occasionally ridiculous. And every time you do, you're training your mind and heart to survive, recover, and grow stronger. Now, once you've started being honest with your emotions, the next step in building resilience is self-compassion. Now, here's the thing: we are often way harder on ourselves than anyone else could ever be. After setbacks, our inner voice can sound like a drill sergeant. You should have seen this coming, you should have seen or been stronger. You're falling behind. And sometimes it even sneaks in with spiritual language like, if you just had more faith. How many of us have heard that in our own mind? But self-compassion is the practice of treating yourself like a friend and not an enemy. It's saying, Yes, this hurts. Yes, I messed up. Yes, I'm struggling, and that's okay. I've got me. I'll be honest, the first time I really tried this, I was sitting alone in my car, parked in a quiet lot, and I just said out loud, hey, Kayla, it's okay. You're doing the best you can. Now, for a few seconds, it felt awkward. You know, like I was trying to talk myself like a crazy person, and maybe I was, but that small act of kindness, just acknowledging my struggle instead of beating myself up, it felt like giving my heart permission to breathe. Self-compassion isn't about making excuses. It's not about giving yourself a free pass. It's about holding your own hand through the pain instead of beating yourself up for feeling it. And here's a little exercise. When that critical voice pops up in your head, pause and ask, what would I say to a friend who felt this way? Then say those words to yourself. Seriously, or with a little humor if that feels natural. And every time you do this, you're reinforcing resilience. Because surviving setbacks isn't just about strength, it's about gentleness, patience, and showing up for yourself even on the hardest days. Okay, now once you've practiced emotional honesty and self-compassion, the next piece of resilience is support and connection. Now we often think we have to handle our stuff alone, but leaning on others isn't weakness, it's strength. And the right support can literally help you breathe again when everything feels heavy. Now I want to bring up my two friends again and highlight how they showed up for me, each in their own way. Now, one was long distance, so he couldn't always be here. He didn't let miles or schedule stop him from checking in, though. He would spiritually encourage me and stay on the phone for hours every day until I could get out of bed. And truly, that consistency reminded me I wasn't invisible and that I wasn't alone even when I felt completely stuck. And my other friend, now she was close by. She sat with me at least twice a week, helping me create a plan to get back on my feet. Small steps, practical actions, a little accountability, and she didn't judge me, she didn't rush me, she just walked beside me while I learned how to stand again. Guys, connection is healing, vulnerability is power. Asking for help is brave. And if you're listening right now and thinking, but no one gets me, I want to remind you, sometimes the right people show up when you're ready to receive them. And sometimes you have to let them in before you feel completely ready. Even small connections, a friend checking in, a call to a mentor, a conversation with someone who doesn't judge, all that can make a huge difference. Resilience grows when we allow yourself to be held, supported, and reminded that you're not alone in the struggle. So again, thank you to my two friends. They know who they are. I honestly don't know if I would have made it through my situations if I didn't have them in my life. All right, friends, it's time to get into what y'all guys have been telling me is y'all's favorite part of the podcast, the exercise. Okay, and also kind of give me some names for my exercise. Like, should they be the K exercise? I don't know. Y'all let me know. But on today, we're going to explore emotional honesty, self-compassion, and connection and put it to the test because it's time to put resilience into action. This is all about small practical steps you can take today because even tiny actions create momentum. All right. So, like we always do, friend, let's breathe in and breathe out. Let's breathe in all that good energy and get rid of all that negativity we've been holding in. All right. So I want you to pick one tiny achievable goal for today. Friend, don't aim to rebuild your entire life in one go. Think small. You know, write one paragraph in a journal. Go for a five-minute walk or make a healthy meal. But whatever feels doable and meaningful to you, make that achievable goal today. All right. Now the second step is going to be celebrate your progress. Now, when you've complete that tiny goal, pause and acknowledge it. Say to yourself, I did that. I showed up. That counts. Because even small wins are wins. Progress matters more than perfection. And lastly, create an accountability anchor. I want y'all to choose someone or something to gently remind you to keep going. It could be a friend, a mentor, a habit tracker, or even a sticky note on your mirror. But the key is to stay connected to support and reinforcement as you rebuild momentum. And after completing these steps, take some intentional time to reflect. Ask yourself questions like, how did I feel to set a small goal and actually achieve it? Notice even the tiniest shift in energy, mood, or mindset? What did celebrating that win do for me emotionally? Did it spark hope, pride, or even relief? And can you feel yourself trusting yourself a little more? And how did having an accountability anchor affect your focus or motivation? Did it make the goal feel more possible or remind you that you're not alone? But, friend, take a few deep breaths as you process this. You can write your thoughts in a journal, speak them out loud, or even sit quietly and notice them. But the goal is to tune into the subtle ways you're reclaiming power and building resilience, even through tiny actions. Remember, rebuilding after a setback doesn't happen overnight, it happens step by step, win by win, connection by connection. And the more you notice your progress, no matter how small, the more your confidence, momentum, and resilience will grow. Alright, now as we wrap up today, I want to leave you with a truth that has carried me through some of my darkest moments. Setbacks don't define you, they are chapters in your story, but not the whole story. I know it can feel like a setback is the end of the book. Like the heartbreak, the loss, or the struggle is all there is. But friend, it truly isn't. These moments are just chapters. Sometimes painful, sometimes confusing, and sometimes messy, but they are only part of the bigger story you're writing. And the beautiful part. You, not anyone else, but you get to keep writing. Every small step you take, every moment of self-compassion, every connection you allow, every tiny goal you accomplish, that's ink on the next page. That's your story, growing richer, stronger, and more resilient. And I want you to remember, you are not your setbacks. You are the person who keeps showing up, learning, and choosing to rise again. You are the person who laughs at the absorbities, celebrates the little wins, and reaches out when you need support. That's the real story. The part that keeps moving forward, even when life throws curveballs. So as you move into this next chapter of your life, carry this with you. Your setbacks are moments, not definitions. Your story is still unfolding, and you are the author. And every step forward, no matter how small, is a part of your resilience. Take a deep breath. In and out, friend, and repeat quietly to yourself I am more than my setbacks. I am growing. I am learning. And I am resilient. The chapters ahead aren't written yet, and the truth is they're going to be stronger, braver, and more beautiful than you ever imagined. And it's because you survived this far, and you're still here, still showing up for yourself, friend. Your story isn't over, it's only getting stronger. And everybody say it with me. That's growth, baby. Alright, so before I wrap this episode up, I do want to begin starting giving my shout-outs, like I said in my previous episodes. So if you don't know, I am gonna start giving shout-outs for episodes for people who leave comments, send emails, let me know how well they enjoy the show, what they love about the show, any type of fan mail. I'm gonna give a shout-out on every episode. So my first shout-out will be going to Alex, who actually commented on Apple Podcast, and they said, This is such a great show. Kayla does a really good job talking about some tough topics, but breaking them down in a helpful way. Thank you for doing that. And again, Alex, I appreciate the love and support. They actually sent me an email to help me promote my podcast and to give me some tips and tricks to help with the podcast. So I really appreciate all the love and support. So if you want to be another person who gets a shout out on this podcast, make sure you comment on Apple Podcasts. And officially, now I do have a fan mail set up. So if you listen to my show on YouTube, you actually can click on the link that will be under the description of each episode. And it's gonna be Bus Sprout Fan mail. And you click on the link, and when you click on it, it does say you can send a text message or a voicemail to me. So just click on it, send me whatever you feel, and I promise you that I want to make sure I shout out all my fans, all my supporters, because I love each and every one of you, and you help me stay encouraged to keep doing what I do. Okay, thank you guys. All right, guys, thank you again for showing up for your messy, beautiful, real self and for being willing to do the work it takes to heal. Continue to make sure you are following this show wherever you listen. I'm talking about Apple Podcasts, Spotify, iHeartRadio, and YouTube, okay? And if this episode spoke to your heart, please share it with someone who might need a little reminder that they're not alone in this and they just need a little laugh and a little healing. And guys, we are going to continue on this journey of healing. And until then, take care of your energy, protect your peace, and remember becoming might be messy, but it's also beautiful. And you've been listening to Healing Out Loud, Boundaries and Becoming. Keep healing, keep becoming, and keep laughing when life gets messy out loud. It's your girl, your host, who will continue to do the Upmost. Okay, look, signing off and until next time.

SPEAKER_00 22:07

I'm on my own grind. Don't waste my time. Speak me out of tough. Maybe I'll give it a heart met So fast. So right yeah.

unknown 22:32

So right yeah. So right here. So I