EP. 13 When is it My Turn?

Have you ever looked around and felt like everyone else is winning… except you?

The engagements, the marriages, the milestones, the opportunities—everything seems to be happening for everyone else while you’re left asking one quiet question:

“When is it my turn?”

In this deeply honest episode of Healing Out Loud: Boundaries & Becoming, I open up about what it feels like to sit in comparison, wrestle with timing, and wonder if you’re falling behind in life.

But through reflection, healing, and personal growth, I’ve learned something that changed everything:

Maybe I wasn’t behind… maybe I was becoming.

This episode will walk you through the emotional weight of waiting, the hidden grief of comparison, and the shift that happens when you stop measuring your life by milestones—and start recognizing your growth.

If you’ve ever felt stuck, overlooked, or like life is passing you by, this conversation is for you.

🤍 Stay until the end for the Reset & Reflect Moment—a space to slow down, check in with yourself, and realign your perspective on where you are in life.

Because maybe you’re not late…

Maybe you’re just becoming.

Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:22

So go grab your clothes and get comfortable and press play wherever you want and let the bounce become everything it takes to realign, reset, and live this outline. Now, friends, can I ask you a question? Have you ever felt like life keeps moving for everyone around you except you? You know, you open social media and someone is announcing an engagement or they just got married, another person bought their first home, someone's landed the job they always wanted, someone's business is taking off, someone is celebrating a pregnancy, someone is living the life you've spent years praying for. And before you know it, you're sitting there smiling for them while quietly wondering, you know, God, when is it going to be my turn? I don't think we talk enough about that feeling. Because, you know, honestly, the moment we admit it out loud, we're afraid people will call us jealous. But let me tell you, I don't think it's jealousy. I think it's grief. Grief over the timeline that you imagine, grief over prayers that still feel unanswered, grief over watching life happen for everyone else while wondering if somehow you've been forgotten. Friend, I've lived in that place. And truthfully, sometimes I still visit it. And if you've ever found yourself asking, when is it my turn? This episode is just for you. Now let's heal out loud. Now, can I be honest with you? This is a question I've carried for a long time. You know, a question I didn't always say out loud because, like y'all, I was afraid of what people would think. But if healing out loud is going to be what I believe God called it to be, then I have to be honest. There have been seasons where I genuinely felt like everyone around me was just winning except me. And I know you're probably thinking, Kayla, you have a podcast. You've been healing, you're six months clean, you've been speaking, you've been growing. And yes, those things are true. But here's something I've learned. You can be grateful for your life and still grieve the prayers that haven't been answered yet. Those two things can exist at the same time, okay? I've watched people get engaged, people get married, people able to build families. I watch people buy homes, I've watched businesses take off, I've watched people step into opportunities that look exactly like the ones I've been praying for. And every single time I celebrated them because I was truly happy for them. But if I'm being completely transparent, there are moments when I'd get in my car afterward or lay in my bed that night, crying and quietly asking God, when is it going to be my turn? It's not because I wanted what they had, but because I was tired of wondering if the things that that I've been praying for were even going to happen for me. You know, I started questioning everything. You know, am I doing something wrong? Am I behind? Did I miss an opportunity? Is someone else's life moving because they're more deserving than I am? And if you hear those questions, you already know, friend, how I'm feeling. Okay. Those moments are hard to admit, especially when you're a person of faith. Because somewhere along the way, we started believing that asking hard questions means we don't trust God. But I've learned something different. God is intimidated by our honesty. He rather have an honest conversation than a fake quote unquote, I'm fine. So today, that's exactly what we're going to do. We're going to talk about the quiet questions so many of us have carried. Friend, I know the pain, I know the feeling. We're answering that question today. When is it my turn? Now, somewhere along the way, I realized the problem wasn't that everyone else was winning. The problem was the way I had to find winning. You know, for the longest time, I thought winning looked like milestones. You know, the relationship, the engagement, the marriage, the children, the house, the career, the opportunities, the platform, the things you can post, the things people celebrate, the things that make other people look at your life and say, Wow, they're really doing it. And that's what I thought winning was. So every time someone around me reached one of their milestones, you know, I subconsciously felt like I had lost. Not because I wasn't happy for them, but because I was keeping score. And every time someone else crossed the finish line, I convinced myself I was falling further and further and further behind. Looking back now, I don't even think I realized I was living my life like a race. I had timelines, expectations, I had this picture in my mind of where I thought I'd be by now. And every year that picture didn't come together. I quietly start believing I was failing. Have you ever done that? You don't even notice it at first. You just keep asking yourself questions like, why is everyone else moving forward? What am I missing? What do they have that I don't? And before you know it, you're measuring your entire life by someone else's timeline. I remember one day sitting with all these thoughts, and I asked myself a question that completely stopped me. Listen, friend, what if I'm overlooking my own victories because they don't look the way I imagined they would? Uh-huh. Yeah. That question wrecked me too. Because I started looking at my life differently. Six months ago, I would have celebrated six months clean if it had been someone else's testimony. So why wasn't I celebrating my own? A few years ago, I prayed for a closer relationship with God, and today I have one. I pray for healing, and I'm living it every single day. I prayed for the courage to use my voice. And today I'm sitting behind this microphone speaking to all of you. I pray for peace. Not perfect peace, not every day, but more peace than I used to have. And somewhere in the middle of chasing the next thing, I forgot that I was already living prayers I once cried over. And that realization humbled me. Because maybe winning was never just about arriving somewhere. Maybe winning was becoming someone, someone who keeps showing up, someone who keeps healing, someone who keeps trusting, even when life doesn't look the way they expect it. And maybe that's the kind of winning that no one can take away. Maybe that's the kind of winning that doesn't always get celebrated online, but changes your life forever. There was one season of my life that completely shaped the way I viewed winning. Like most of us, a relationship ended. And if I am honest, I didn't just lose the relationship. I felt like I lost the future I had already imagined. I mean, how do many of us get into these relationships and quote-unquote situationships and we picture a future already, you know, and then it just don't go the way we expect it. You know how sometimes you don't just fall in love with the person, you fall in love with the life you think you're going to build together, the traditions, the home, the wedding, the family, the little moments you picture in your mind. I had all of that planned in my heart. So when the relationship ended, it wasn't just heartbreak. It truly felt like I was grieving a future that no longer existed. But then came the more harder part. I had to quietly watch someone else step into the life I thought would be mine. She got the marriage, the family, the pictures, the milestones. And I remember thinking, how is that? I'm the one left rebuilding while everyone else, especially him, seems to be moving forward. And for a while, I truly believe that me and I lost. That he had won. Because I was measuring my life by what I could see. But healing has a way of changing your perspective. Today, when I look back, I don't see someone who lost. You know, I see a woman who kept becoming, a woman who found her voice, a woman who deepened her relationship with God, a woman who chose healing when bitterness would have been easier, a woman who learned to love herself in ways she never had before. And here's what I've realized: winning isn't about who got married first or who moved on first or whose life looked better on social media. Okay, friend? Winning is becoming the person God is shaping you to be, even if no one else sees it yet. Because the truth is, the woman I am today is someone I used to pray I'd become. And whether anyone from my past sees that or not, I see it. God sees it. And that's enough. Because I finally realized something that changed everything. I wasn't losing, I was becoming. Because after that season, I didn't just feel heartbreak, you know, I felt stretched. I felt confronted. I felt like life was forcing me to redefine everything. I thought I knew about timing, love, and what it meant to be ahead or behind. And if I'm being honest, at first I didn't see it as growth. I saw it as delay. I saw it as unanswered prayers. I saw it as watching everyone else move forward while I was still trying to figure out how to rebuild what I thought I was supposed to last. But here's what I didn't realize. I was still moving, just not in the way I expected. I was learning how to sit with myself without distraction. I was learning how to feel emotions I used to avoid. I was learning how to let go without needing closure that I might never get. And trust me, I never got it. I was learning how to choose myself in ways I never had before. And slowly, without even noticing it in real time, I was becoming someone stronger. Not louder, not violent, not angry, not more visible, but stronger in ways that don't always show up on the outside. And that's the part of healing nobody really talks about. Because we think growth should look like progress that we post. But sometimes growth looks like silence. Sometimes growth looks like rebuilding privately. Sometimes growth looks like crying and still choosing not to go back. Sometimes growth looks like surviving something you thought would break you completely. And the truth is that season didn't just change what I believed about that relationship. It changed what I believed about myself. Because I stopped seeing myself as someone who was behind and started realizing I was someone who was being built differently. God wasn't rushing me. He was refining me. He wasn't withholding from me. You know, he was developing something in me that I couldn't carry in my old mindset. And that realization started shifting everything. Because if I was still becoming, then maybe I wasn't late. Maybe I wasn't overlooked. Maybe I wasn't behind at all. Maybe I was just in the middle of something I couldn't fully understand yet. And that changed how I started showing up in my life. Not as someone waiting to arrive, but as someone learning to recognize that growth actually looks like while it's happening. So, friend, let me talk to you directly for a moment. That's right, I'm getting in your face. If you're listening to this and you've been stuck in that space of comparison, I want you to know I see you. The scrolling, the quiet jealousy you don't always admit out loud, the celebration you give other people while secretly wondering when it'll be your turn. The moments you smile for others while dealing with your own disappointment in silence. I know what that feels like. Because comparison doesn't always sound like jealousy. Sometimes it sounds like grief. Grief over what hasn't happened yet. Grief over prayers that still feel unanswered. Grief over a life you thought you'd be living by now. And when you stay in that space too long, it starts to mess with how you see yourself. You start thinking you're behind. You start thinking you missed something. You start thinking maybe everyone else is just doing life better than you are. But I need you to hear me clearly. You are not in competition with anyone. Not your friends, not people online, not people your age, not people you grew up with, not people who seem like they quote unquote got it all together. You are not late and you are not behind. You are on a path that is uniquely yours, even if it doesn't make sense right now. Because what I've learned is this a lot of what we call quote unquote everyone is winning except me is actually just a narrow view of winning. We only count what we can see, we only count what's celebrated, we only count what gets posted, but we don't count the internal wins, the healing, the discipline, the growth that nobody claps for, the days you didn't go back to what was breaking you, the moments you chose peace over chaos, the times you kept going even when no one saw it, friend, those are wins too. And maybe the reason it feels like everyone else is ahead is because you've been measuring your life by milestones instead of transformation. So let me ask you something honestly. What if your life isn't falling behind? What if it's just forming differently? What if God isn't ignoring your prayers? What if he's building something in you that requires time that you don't fully understand yet? And I know that that doesn't erase the feeling of waiting, but maybe it gives it meaning. Because waiting doesn't always mean nothing is happening. Sometimes it means everything is happening beneath the surface, and you just can't see it yet. So you've been comparing your life to everyone else's. But friend, I need you to pause for a second, take your eyes off of their timeline, and come back to your own because your life is still moving, even here, even now, even in the silence, even in the waiting, and friend, even in your becoming. All right, friend. Now, before we close out today's episode, I want to pause and bring you into something I do every time I need to realign myself. That's right, it's time for our reset and reflect moment. Okay, this is your space. It's not for pressure and definitely not for perfection. But like I told y'all, this is the moment for honesty. So wherever you are, I want you to slow down for a second. Let's take in that breath, deep breath in and release. Put the phone down for a moment and just be here with yourself. Because I want to talk to the part of you that feels behind, the part of you that's been comparing your life to everyone else's, and the part of you that secretly wonders if you're missing something everyone else figured out already. All right. Now I want you to ask yourself these questions. You don't got to write them this time, but just mentally ask yourself. Question number one Where in my life have I been measuring myself by someone else's timeline instead of my own growth? Question two, what am I calling behind that might actually be becoming? And question number three: What are three things I've survived, healed through, or grown from that I rarely give myself credit for? And like I told y'all before, don't rush through it. And don't try to answer in a way that sounds good, okay? Friend, be real with yourself because truthfully, a lot of the pressure you feel doesn't come from where you are, it comes from what you think where you are means. And today might be the moment that you stop assigning the wrong meaning to your season. Oh, that sounded good. One more time. Today might be the moment that you stop assigning the wrong meaning to your season because you're still here, you're still trying, you're still becoming, then you are not behind. You are in progress, you're in process. So take a moment, write it down, sit with it, let it land, and whatever comes up for you in this moment, that's your reset and reflect moment. You know, I think for a long time, I believe winning would feel like everything finally lining up at the same time. You know, the relationship, the opportunities, the peace, the clarity, all arriving together in this perfect moment where I could finally say, I made it. But what I'm learning is that real winning doesn't always look like a rival. Sometimes it looks like what I've always said, awareness. It looks like noticing when you're slipping into comparison and choosing to come back to yourself. It looks like realizing you've been measuring your life by things that were never meant to define your worth. And friend, that includes even moments where I thought I was supposed to be further along in life because of certain relationships I thought would go differently. When those expectations didn't play out the way I imagined, it was easy to feel like I was behind. You know, like I had missed something, like someone else had stepped into a future I was supposed to be living. But healing has a way of changing the meaning of those moments. Now I can look back and see that what I call behind was actually redirection. Not punishment, not rejection, but protection and preparation for something I could fully understand at the time. And that shift has changed the way I move now. Because I'm no longer asking, when will it be my turn? I'm asking, who am I becoming? So that way when it does happen, oh baby, I'm ready for it. Because I don't just want the blessing. I want to be the version of me that can sustain it, the version of me that can pour life into it instead of losing myself in it. The version of me that has been healed enough to recognize it, receive it, and protect it. So now I'm not focused on rushing timing, I'm focused on becoming, and that changes everything. Because maybe I wasn't bad. Maybe I wasn't overlooked. Maybe I wasn't late. Maybe I was being prepared. And say it with me, guys. That's growth, baby. Alright, that's a wrap for today's episode. And like always, if this episode met you where you are, I just want to say thank you for being here with me. And I hope you don't walk away from this just hearing my story. I hope you walk away hearing your own life a little differently too. Because maybe you've been calling it behind when really it's been becoming. And maybe you've been calling it waiting. When really, friend, it's been preparation. And if today reminded you of anything, let it be this that you are not stuck in life the way it feels in this moment. You are still growing, still being shaped, still becoming. And I don't say that lightly, I say it because I know how heavy comparison can feel. I know how quiet that question can get when you're alone. And I know how easy it is to believe that everyone else is ahead of you. But when life is not a race against anyone else, it never was, friend. So wherever you are in your journey right now, I hope you give yourself permission to come back to your own path. To stop measuring your life by someone else's timeline. Get off that timeline, friend. That ain't yours. And start seeing the ways you've already been growing, even in silence. Because, friend, you don't need anybody's applause for your growth and for your success and for your wins. Now, if this episode encouraged you, please share it with someone who needs a reminder that they're not behind their becoming. Friend, don't forget to rate this show, please, okay? And please leave some reviews because I love hearing from you guys. And follow Healing Out Loud, Boundaries and Becoming, so you never miss an episode. And as always, keep setting those boundaries, keep becoming who God created you to be, and keep healing out loud because every step forward matters, and friend, so do you. And this is your host, your girl Kayla, who will always be the most. Signing off, and until the next episode.