“Unmarried Voices in Married Conversations”

           Hey Believers, In today’s culture, many voices speak into marriage—but not all of them carry the wisdom of covenant. In this discussion, we examine what happens when people who are not married attempt to define, criticize, or reshape what God designed for husbands and wives.

Marriage is not simply a relationship arrangement. Biblically, it is a covenant established by God, with responsibilities, intimacy, sacrifice, and unity that can only be fully understood inside that covenant.

In this conversation, we address:

• Why marriage conversations are often dominated by voices outside of marriage
• how outside influence can quietly shape a couple’s expectations and conflict
• why wisdom about marriage should come from those who honor God’s design for it

Our goal is not to silence people—but to restore clarity about where authority, experience, and biblical understanding belong when discussing marriage.

When unmarried voices define marriage, confusion follows.
When God defines marriage, order is restored.

Transcript

SPEAKER_03 0:00

It's nothing wrong with someone being concerned about a child or maybe something possibly they heard from an outside source and they just want to check in and make sure everything is okay. I don't see anything wrong with that. But when you take that as a fact and now you coming with like like that's a fact, you come to me like I know this is going on and and you didn't ask me, you didn't try to get my point of view, you already have your mind set up on what it is, then yeah, that's a problem. Because if you're getting false information and you bringing it to me as if it's truth, then right. That's no, that's totally inappropriate.

SPEAKER_00 0:33

I'm the Eve here to help you believe that marriage is not a game. Talk to him, girl! And you over here giggling and stuff. Because I'm sitting here laughing. You silly for that. You got a good smile. I could smile. Thank you. Best seat in the house. I can see how fine as it.

SPEAKER_01 0:50

I do that.

SPEAKER_03 0:52

I do that. I have that awkward blushing that's building. It's adorable. It's fine. Thank you. I appreciate it. Okay, can we get this started? Thank you.

SPEAKER_00 1:01

All the way higher.

SPEAKER_01 1:04

Yeah. Oh my god.

SPEAKER_00 1:08

What up done, everybody? Thank y'all for joining. Annie Podcast. Y'all. Oh. Guys, listen to me. If you're married and tired of unsolicited. You're just giggling. You're giggling.

SPEAKER_02 1:33

I'm laughing at you. It must have been. I'm not messing up.

SPEAKER_00 1:41

Okay, y'all. If you're married and tired of the unsolicited, unmarried voices weighing in on your are you saying that word right? Yeah, unsolicited. Unsolicited. Okay, yeah.

SPEAKER_03 1:56

You didn't say it right the first couple of times.

SPEAKER_00 1:58

Uh solicit it up.

SPEAKER_03 2:00

Okay, let's start it over. I mean, I yeah, let's start it over because you don't want to be on there silently illiterate. Hey, I like the cuts. It doesn't bother me. First of all. No. We not do not put this in there. Um I want to hear that.

SPEAKER_00 2:15

I'm gonna keep messing up, so don't.

SPEAKER_03 2:17

You're not gonna keep messing up. You got it.

SPEAKER_00 2:19

Solicit it. Solicit it. Right. I'm solicited.

SPEAKER_01 2:22

Right.

SPEAKER_00 2:23

What up though, everybody? Come on in. Welcome to the Allen to Eve podcast. We appreciate y'all. Right. Hey y'all, stepping. We love y'all. We really do. We like the views, the comments, the likes, everything. Man, this has been amazing. But if you're married and tired of the unsolicited, unmarried voices weighing in on your married married conversation, and this episode is for you. We're cutting through all the noise and getting straight to the real raw of this conversation. Um title of this podcast will be Unmarried Voices in a Married Conversation. Now I'm passing to my wife.

SPEAKER_03 3:09

Because look, you know, we've seen a lot of comments, and I've experienced it myself with people who are unmarried, don't have no kids, but they're trying to tell you what you should be doing with your marriage, your household, your children. They don't have any experience with a blended family. They don't have experience with more than one child. It's just, you know, people, I think that people mean well a lot of the times, you know, and they're maybe speaking from a hurt place or from a place of just trying to make something better when they don't realize they're making it worse. You know, because at the end of the day, I feel like when people just make assumptions or hear one side, grasp onto that one side and then attack you with whatever was stated. They don't even ask you, they like telling you that this is the truth. They haven't, you know, considered that, okay, maybe it's more to the story. So I think that people, if you do have something to say or you want to give somebody some input or give your opinion, hear both sides out first before you just form an opinion and start attacking people and telling them what they should and should not be doing with their life, their household, or their children. Because at the end of the day, it doesn't work out well for you.

SPEAKER_00 4:30

Well, she's saying stay out, stay out of the marriage conversation business.

SPEAKER_01 4:33

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 4:34

Stay out. If you don't know nothing about that area, stay out of it.

unknown 4:38

Right.

SPEAKER_00 4:38

Stick it out.

unknown 4:39

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 4:40

Because we went, oh, I'm sorry, go ahead. No, no, you go ahead. Oh, we went to uh a counselor giving family advice and never been. Oh, I'm sorry, they probably was married. That she was married, but didn't have any children, just had dogs. It's like, how are you helping me? Right. She wasn't. It's like she wasn't. Reading from some book, I understand. You got to do that. Or you have a degree, right? Right. Education, okay. With no experience. With no experience, that trying to help me on this situation was kind of ridiculous.

SPEAKER_03 5:13

And what she was doing was playing both sides. She was coming back telling us stuff from your ex-wife's side. Right. And probably doing the same thing, going back and telling, and that was very messy and very unprofessional to do that.

SPEAKER_00 5:28

You remember when she did that? No, no, no. I do remember, I just don't know that wasn't helpful at all. Right. That um you're attacking, because when you see single people talk about marriage, oh, I would never do that. I mean, you're attacking people's character on how they parent or any type of decision they make in marriage. Then you do it. Tell me.

SPEAKER_03 5:57

But you haven't had it, you haven't even been to the point where somebody even proposed to you. You have not had a healthy relationship that led to marriage or children. So how are you now trying to give me advice or telling me what I should and should not be doing with my children? Right. This goes for family members, friends, outsiders, counselors, whoever. Us. If we sitting here trying to give advice on a blended family, but we not a blended family and we telling people what they should and should not be doing, haven't experienced anything, like how are you even chiming in?

SPEAKER_00 6:32

Right. You know? Giving bad advice? And all you doing is unintentionally judging people. Because once you see videos and comment of maybe a video about a parent um disciplining their child, you can see, you know, you you can see by the comments and see all the parents in there. Right. Oh, yeah, that's right. That's what I would have done. I would have done the same thing. Now you know, people are different with the whole cussing at children. That, you know, that's true.

SPEAKER_03 7:02

Well, I'ma just say right now, I don't agree with nobody cussing at no children. Right. I don't agree with us as adults cussing at each other.

SPEAKER_00 7:09

So, I mean we vary with that.

SPEAKER_03 7:12

Right, because I didn't believe it's abuse when we cuss at each other. It's definitely abuse when you're cussing at your child. Like they don't need to be talked to like that. Amen. And then when they get older and start cussing at you, don't wonder why.

SPEAKER_00 7:24

Right. You know. But when it comes to the whole single people always have an opinion.

SPEAKER_03 7:30

Right. It just Well, it's not just single. Well, right. Single people with no children. Let's add that in there too. So single people with no children, like having a lot to say. Trying to chime in, like, we ain't even ask you. You bringing this to us. You, you, you know, trying to make a case for something that you have no experience in. You're just, and again, it's not I I I can respect someone coming to you asking you, like, hey, what's going on? I'm concerned.

SPEAKER_00 8:03

You could respect that. Right. Well, you think that do you think that's a good idea?

SPEAKER_03 8:06

Do you I mean, it's nothing wrong with someone being concerned about a child or maybe something possibly they heard from an outside source and they just want to check in and make sure everything is okay. I don't see anything wrong with that. But when you take that as a fact and now you coming with like, like that's a fact, you come to me like, I know this is going on, and and you didn't ask me, you didn't try to get my point of view, you already have your mind set up on what it is, then yeah, that's a problem. Because if you getting false information and you bringing it to me as if it's truth, then right. That's no, that's totally inappropriate. But there are some people out here that are advocating for children or advocating for uh someone who's maybe being abused in the marriage. So I'm not like discrediting everyone, I'm just saying it's the way you present it, and it's again having the full picture, both sides, not just hearing one thing and and running with it.

SPEAKER_00 9:02

Right.

SPEAKER_03 9:02

That's very unwise to do.

SPEAKER_00 9:06

Definitely, yeah. Especially you doing you wouldn't know what you would have did. Well, you won't know because you don't have a child.

SPEAKER_03 9:14

Right, you don't, and that's the thing. They talk about some the person is like my child, or I got, you know, got but god children or something, or but it's not like a personal experience of you having a child, you experiencing a blended family, you experiencing a husband and wife dynamic on what they have to do and the decisions they have to make within their household. A lot of people say shoulda, woulda, coulda. This is what you should be doing when they never experience the pain, the trauma that everyone involved have gone through. They just coming from their point of view and taking one side and think that that's that's just it. It should just be this. No, it's not just that, it never will be.

SPEAKER_00 9:59

Yeah, it never will be. You know what I'm saying? Because some people.

SPEAKER_03 10:04

It's it's horrible, and that's destroying the relationship. Like, and now you want to blame them after you've wrong all of this, like blaming, blaming, blaming, not even asking, not even open-minded to even receive what the person is saying, and then blaming on the sponsor be like, oh, they just acting like that because they husband and wife, nah. Like they not their own person, right? Like what you did wasn't like where's the accountability there for what you just said and how you just presented it, you know. But I it just boils down to minding your own business, really. Uh I'm just big with that because I mind my own business. I honestly do not care what's going on in people's households. You know what I mean? Like everybody trying to figure it out, everybody is learning and growing. Who am I to sit here and say how somebody should be doing it when I have not experienced it myself? We all could sit around and say, Oh, I wouldn't did it like this. Never mind. You remember when we were kids, we did that. Like, ugh, I can't believe, because we was, you know, used to judge people all the time as a child. Like, I can't believe she was with him. Oh, he cheated on her. Right. Still with him. I'd never do that. And then next thing you know, you find yourself in that same situation being that dumb person that you said that you would never be. You know what I mean?

SPEAKER_00 11:22

I understand. I definitely understand.

SPEAKER_03 11:24

I can't believe so. It's it's like, I'm just saying that people should get both sides, and if we cannot sit down like an adult and have a conversation and come to some type of mutual understanding on what's going on. But my thing is, why are you trying to dress something that's going on inside someone else's household? That is my question to people that do that. I mean, what are you looking to? Right. We're gonna always come around and have family meetings about what's going on in our household? No, we're not. Uh because you feel some type of way or you heard something that you believe that's true because the person didn't change their story. Like, the devil ain't changing his. But he's still the devil, right? You know? Oh, yeah. I mean, I'm just saying, he ain't changed his story.

SPEAKER_00 12:21

Yeah, I understand.

SPEAKER_03 12:22

I'm with but go ahead, because I feel like I've been talking for a while.

SPEAKER_00 12:26

No, you said then. They're like, I don't know, all you doing making noises and stuff. You've been making noises for 20 minutes now.

SPEAKER_03 12:32

Well, I mean, what do you feel about it? What where are you at with that? Like, do you think it's appropriate for people to feel like they need to speak for the trees? Because that's what I call them. They they they heard something or they seen something. Do you feel like they should be addressing someone's marriage matters and or you know, the family dynamic of the children? Do you think that that's appropriate? Or what do you what you know what you believe?

SPEAKER_00 12:56

I believe they should mind their own business. That's what I think. Everybody, everybody that don't have children, not married, sit back. Look and listen. That's it. Trying to give advice or judging or pointing out or discredit being mean and rude in some type of way to somebody.

SPEAKER_01 13:16

Right.

SPEAKER_00 13:17

Making somebody feel lestian. Not saying everybody's doing that, but hey, you don't know. It can't come off like a few. It can't come off. It's nasty and rude to somebody. Like, hey, you don't know how difficult it is to be a parent. You don't know how difficult it is to be a husband or a wife and try to figure all this out at once. At once. I didn't read a book. I didn't study anything. I didn't go through no class or course. This is real life training. And even if you did do all of those things.

SPEAKER_03 13:42

And then, right, it still might not try to get it. Exactly. Still don't have the answers to what you're experiencing right now in this moment from that book.

SPEAKER_00 13:48

Right. Some people barely teach their children and they become our perfect little angels. But the people who've been training their children put them the right way, some of them become out and total opposite. Right. And then some people blame the parent. They're just trying the best. And you never been. They're talking to the people that never had kids. Never had kids, didn't expect me. And then definitely don't compare me to no dog. You like, I have my kids, the dogs and animals, and all that other stuff. I didn't know. Right, I get what you're saying. I ain't trying to hear none of that. Yeah, yeah, I'm on face with that. I get what you're trying to say, but I am. It's so difficult to put everything on your plate as a husband and wife, and then now as a father or mother, and try to figure this out. And then you got people pointing their fingers at you that never been in that spot before, saying, What I would have did, and I don't know, you don't think you should be doing that. Look at them and talk about them. They're already going through spiritual warfare, they're already battling things mentally and whatever. And they know it's either a left or a right decision. If I go this way, I know the consequence. If I go that way, I know the consequences of the decision. It doesn't help for somebody who's never been in that spot to try to put put you down, look down on you, or I would have done better.

SPEAKER_03 15:12

Why would you do that?

SPEAKER_00 15:13

Right. If it was me, I would.

SPEAKER_03 15:14

But it's not you. You have not experienced it.

SPEAKER_00 15:17

Then right. Or oh, I would've, you know. You didn't try this before y'all got married until y'all got a relationship since we've been through that.

SPEAKER_03 15:26

Exactly. We tried. You saying that, right? You should have done this, but we did that. Right. You didn't ask us. That's what my point is. You didn't ask us if we did that. You assumed that we did not do it. You jumped to assumptions and conclusions on your own. And that's the thing. I don't want to talk to somebody that already have their mind made up about decisions I've made and didn't even ask me.

SPEAKER_02 15:47

Right.

SPEAKER_03 15:48

You know?

SPEAKER_02 15:49

Right.

SPEAKER_00 15:51

So those discussions don't normally go well. They don't. And I have a new perspective, different from when I was single, to now that I'm a husband and a father.

SPEAKER_01 16:01

Right.

SPEAKER_00 16:01

That my heart goes out to all the guys, the men that's husbands and fathers out there. That have to make tough decisions. Right. Because you know, especially if you're a Christian, you know the rules, you know the standard. My wife, okay, first of all, let me say it because some be some people hear me say that they're like, What about God? God is first.

SPEAKER_03 16:21

And let's make this clear. We believe that Jesus is God. So when we say God, we're talking about Jesus. Jesus is God.

SPEAKER_00 16:28

Because we have to talk different. I don't talk like this if you meet me in real person. Explaining this. I had to put my internet voice on. Because social media will go. Yeah, no. What about God? You didn't say God. He said his wife. So he worshiping his wife.

unknown 16:43

It's God.

SPEAKER_00 16:43

I said in the midi video. God, my wife, and then my children, and everybody else. Right. That's the decisions get really tough when you have to go on protocol. Somebody be like, well, if it was me, I'll pick my children or my husband and wife. And wonder why you're still singing.

SPEAKER_03 17:04

And wondering why you're on the brink of divorce and it's just not going well because you're choosing anybody and everybody, your kids, your mama, your daddy, whoever, over your spouse, and think that it's gonna go well.

SPEAKER_00 17:14

No. If you already think before you get married or have a family, you're picking your children, then you're setting yourself up for failure already.

SPEAKER_01 17:22

Right.

SPEAKER_00 17:23

That's not the rules. That's not the rules that you need to have in your marriage. That's not the law or whatever we want to say. That's not the standard. You're making a vow to your husband or wife. You're committing your life to your husband and your wife, not your children. So if you think you're single, I mean you're single and you're talking about you want to start a family in a marriage and you're thinking like that, well, God bless you, because you're gonna need a lot of God in that thinking pattern. We're trying to tell somebody. You would have done it different. I can't believe you did that. What what about yada yada yada da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da? A lot of married couple, I pretty well say. I'm sick of the I'm sick of single people trying to look down upon me on my decision making on how I go about my marriage, my children, my whole dynamic of life. Right? The wife is trying the best that she can. The balance between being a wife and a mother, she is trying her best. The husband is a step parent if you're not sure. Or being a step parent. Yeah. Never read, they never read a book, never went to cat crub, uh, uh a course, and even if you went through all that, it's still like it could be something that could happen that you didn't prepare for. Right. Now you're trying to do on-job, on-job training on the fly. You know, oh what a book.

SPEAKER_03 18:52

But even if they read something in the book to address that, this is still real life. This is not just okay, because usually the book gives you steps to make it better or whatever. Like, oh, if you experienced this, do this. You did it, that didn't work. Now what? You know what I mean? What do I do now? Like, yeah, it made it worse, actually.

SPEAKER_00 19:09

Oh, that didn't work for me.

SPEAKER_03 19:12

That didn't work for me.

SPEAKER_00 19:14

It's a whole fire. Now what? Oh, I need the book, I need the crash course or something. Like, but okay. Anything you want to add after this?

SPEAKER_03 19:22

I just want to add to this because at the end of the day, we have to go by what the Bible says. Okay. And in marriage, we make difficult decisions, and I know it's family members and friends out there that may feel like they come second hand. You do. You do be at peace with that. Be at peace with coming, you know, second, third, fourth, fifth in your friends or child's or whoever's life, if they are married. Respect that. Okay. I don't know what that was, but I don't know what that was either. But hey, I'm I'm with it. I'ma stick beside them.

SPEAKER_00 20:02

Yeah, you go, girl. Hey, you had no way you're talking about them. I'm gonna stick beside them. All right, we appreciate y'all. Y'all know that's the time. We can't stick around too long. We gotta go because it's getting hot in here. Eventually, my wife's gonna turn this heat back on. And I'm gonna start sweat. So we love y'all. We thank y'all so much. Hey, man, if this blessed somebody, please. If y'all want to have a conversation, meet us in the comments. Um, express your feelings.

SPEAKER_03 20:29

We tell him to meet us in the comments. We ain't gonna even be in the comments.

SPEAKER_00 20:32

We gonna be in the comments.

SPEAKER_03 20:33

He's gonna be in the comments. I don't go to the comments no more because people be doing too much.

SPEAKER_00 20:38

But hey, they do. I don't want to be by. Thank y'all so much for joining. We thank y'all so much for sticking around. We love y'all. We pray this.

SPEAKER_03 20:46

Oh my god.

SPEAKER_00 20:48

Please. Bye. Bye.

SPEAKER_03 20:52

It's just one. Marriage is not a game.