Passwords Before Pussy

Welcome to Episode Eight of Bitch, Don’t Be Dumb. First episode of 2026 and Yo Mamma is not easing anyone in.

This one’s for the women in “trust-based” monogamy with a man who still guards his phone like it’s Fort Knox. Let’s be clear: casual sex has different rules. Tinder dick? Club dick? Nobody needs your passcode. But the second a man wants to claim you—call it a relationship, monogamy, “that’s my girl,” “that’s my pussy”—the phone becomes part of the deal.

No password? No pussy.
Locked phone? Locked legs.

This episode tears into modern dating bullshit, fake privacy, burner apps, Snapchat dirtbags, and the way women are trained to hand over their bodies while men stay conveniently encrypted. Yo Mamma gets personal—four husbands deep, receipts included—and breaks down why transparency isn’t jealousy, it’s parity.

If your man says “you should trust me” while clutching his phone, that’s not trust—that’s a warning label. Monogamy without access isn’t monogamy. It’s a scam with better PR.

Passwords first. Pussy second.
 Or go love your phone.

Music by Nathan Wills.

Transcript

SPEAKER_01: 0:00

You're tuned in to BDBD. Bitch, don't be dumb. I'm your mama. No daddy's allowed.

SPEAKER_00: 0:22

Welcome. Can you believe it's already Wednesday again? Welcome.

SPEAKER_01: 0:29

Welcome to Bitch Don't Be Dumb. Don't drop it. Don't stop it. Episode eight. We're at babies. Happy 2026. It is the first episode of 2026. I hope your year's starting off right. We're gonna get it this year, beaties, bitches. This is our time. Our time to shine. This year is mine. Here we go. Episode eight. Episode eight is called Passwords Before Pussy. I feel like that's somewhat self-explanatory, but for those of you, the young ones that are still playing yourself, I feel like this episode is for you. Passwords before pussy, sisters. Now, I think it's important to draw the difference, right? I'm not talking like you're at the club, you want to get your rocks off, you meet some dude on Tinder, you want to take him home and fucking ride the D until you can't see. We don't give a fuck about their phone. You stay out of my phone, I stay out of your phone. I actually probably don't even have your phone number. So, you know, those aren't the things I'm talking about. I'm not saying if your pussy's hungry and you want to hit the street for some meat that you want to know what's in that person's phone. Chances are you'd probably be horrified and not have sex with them. It's better to stay out in that instance, right? There is an exception for every rule. This episode, we're talking about monogamy. Oh, oh, hey, hey. We're talking about relationships. We're talking about when a dude wants to claim you, right? When he wants to say, you're with me, we're together, this is how it is, that's my pussy. Oh word? That's your pussy? Well, that's my password. If your password's not my birthday, it's not happening. If it's not our anniversary, go somewhere else. If I can't pick your fucking phone up anytime I feel like it and have a scroll, this relationship is not real. Now I'm gonna get a little bit personal because it's your mama. Your mama wants to keep a rule. Life is life. For those of you keeping up, y'all know I'm up to my fourth husband. And I'm pretty sure I'm gonna keep this one. It seems, you know, we have two children. I do see somewhat of a future baby daddy, future. Anyways, we went through a rough patch. You go through rough patches. Part of that rough patch, he decided that he was gonna change the password on his what? I beg your heart. So the funny thing is, because I run my house, your mama's got three phones, ladies. More than two phones, more than one for the plug, one for the law, and an international law, just in case, bitches. Okay, I got three phones. So when this motherfucker thought that he was gonna be cute and change a password on his phone, well, all my phones are locked now. Or a single one of them. And as we got in an argument about it one afternoon, he came clean and said, This is my password, blah blah blah. I'm at a point in my relationship where I know he wouldn't be stupid enough to cheat. I take complete fucking care of him, so what are you doing? But personal connections aside, if you don't have that password, it's not a real relationship. Because we're going through a rough patch, and because I went from being all in 100 to 90, 10, right now I'm probably about 80-20. Keep your phone, bitch, go for it, mate. Have at it. Because that means that you lose access not only to my passwords, but to my pussy. Do you know what I'm saying? If I don't have the password to your phone, then you cannot unlock my clam. Right? These legs are not spreading for you. There's no claps flapping. Like, and I don't really care because all y'all that are, again, keeping up and listening to the episodes, my masturbating game is strong. I mean, I prefer the dick. Like, I want to ride it. I'm not gonna lie. While we're going through this little password period that we're having, this little hoo-hoo ha ha game, um I have fucked his dick, like a lot of times. However, I'm still solid in my own strength and mind state that until this is like water under the bridge, it will be a contentious issue. And this is for all my sisters as well. Let me tell you something. When I first met number four, the first fucking thing we did was change the passwords on all the phones. Mate, transparency. Okay. This whole like, oh, you don't know what to go through my phone. How gross. Yes, I fucking do. Uh, I definitely fucking do. When I first went through my husband's phone in the very beginning, once I got it all out of the way, he went to work, I went through his phone. I found the fucking the buried Snapchat of his ex-girlfriend squirting in the car. I found but that was really the that was actually the worst thing I found. And I couldn't even be mad at it because it's not like it was his wallpaper. Here's the thing you shouldn't have anything to hide. If you're going to be in a real relationship with somebody. What I'm going through with my man right now, I promise you, and I shouldn't be making an excuse, however, there's nothing in that fucking phone, please. I've been in it a zillion times. His password's his fucking birthday. I can obviously get in it, and there's nothing there. But that's not the point. The point is you changed the password from what was agreed just to piss me off, and it motherfucking worked. And if you do not have immediate access to your partner's phone, reconsider your priorities because he's definitely hiding something. Are you fucking kidding me? I love when I hear people like, oh, my phone's private, his phone's private. What the fuck are you scared of him finding in your phone, bitch? You want to look at my phone? Mate, whatever you want. And like, are you kidding me? There's nothing in my phone that is going to imply that I'm fucking some other dude, that I'm out sucking and fucking behind your back, that this guy's trying to slide in. I'm not talking to my ex-husband boyfriends, I'm not trying to like form a lesbian relationship on the side. Like, there's nothing going on that I'm ashamed of. And the young people would disagree because it's become this kind of like, oh no, we trust each other. Are you fucking kidding me? If a dude said to me, Oh, you don't need my phone because we trust each other, I'd be like, Well, apparently I need it right now. So now put it in my hand. I'm not telling you to spend your entire day going through their phone, worrying about their phone, wondering about their Snapchat. Or their secret dirtbag perversions. Do you know what I'm saying? Because it's kind of about that. Like, guys are genuinely scummy and they will do scumbag shit. And it's not easy to find one that doesn't. And honestly, I shouldn't badmouth my husband. He doesn't listen to my podcast, I won't give a fuck. But, anyways, if I had a real problem or a serious issue, I'd kick that dude to the curb faster than you can blink your fucking eyes. And I and I trust that the BDs would as well. Don't keep a dropkick around ever. That will be another episode. Today it's all about the password. Password, pussy. Pussy password. If you don't give me your password, you cannot have my pussy on the regular. I'm not saying I'm not gonna fuck you in or outside the club. I'm not saying I'm not gonna tinder date you, lie about my name, go to some rando place, you know, bang over the cab on the way home, and then hop the fuck out of the car. Perhaps at one point in my life that that could very well happen. What I'm saying is when somebody really wants to talk about being in a committed relationship with you, fuck the bullshit. Now the fun part. Now here's the fun story times. I was definitely involved in two very committed relationships, one being a marriage and the other one just being long-term eight-month life. Both of those instances, when I cracked their phones, I found bad shit. The first funny part is how fucking stupid are you? The best part was they didn't even have their phones locked. There was no password to break. They were just stupid dudes that would leave their phone out and expect me to not look in it. And then I have to wonder, is this some kind of like power play, psycho move on your behalf? Like, are you acting like that to put it in my face? Because that's some psychotic shit that people would probably do, that a dude would definitely do, I reckon. You know what I'm saying? Like, oh let me make her jealous. Let me see if I can rile this bitch up and I'm gonna leave my phone out that has my fucking ex-girlfriends, me and my ex-girlfriends texting each other, this one woman that thinks I'm dating her when I'm actually married, all kinds of fun shit that I found in the phones. And let me tell you, the relationships rapidly concluded after that. There's no coming back from that. Like I said, when I found my husband's ex-girlfriend squirting in the graveyard of snaps that like literally had not been accessed since fucking 1990, I couldn't be mad about it. Because he was it wasn't anything live time. Opening the phone in the other instances to these hoes texting my men like on the day? Get the fuck out of here. The fuck? If a guy does not want to give you his phone, do not give him your vagina. Okay? No penises are allowed to proceed over the vaginal drawbridge if they want to stay protected behind a phone password. And it's so obvious. Like it really blows my mind because I have had this stance since the dawn of motherfucking time, since they invented the iPhone in 1800. I was like, give me a password. Like from the rip, dude, off the jump, like knock it off. But I love actually, no, I don't. I get annoyed by the brainwash bitches. I mean, let me tell you something. If you are playing your man, if you're cheating on him and you got three other dudes in the background and you don't know who you want to be with yet, then for sure, everybody keep your locked phones. Take your phone, lock it, and go to your corner. Not a problem. All I'm saying is if there's any kind of locked phonery happening in a monogamous relationship, it's not fucking monogamous. And it doesn't matter what side it's on. Because, sister girl, to all our sisters who are cheating on their men right now and hiding behind their passwords, shout out. I'm not judging you. Um, I've never actually done it because if I'm in a monogamous relationship personally, it's monogamous. And I'm normally married to them. That's why I've been married so many fucking times. But if it's not a monogamous relationship, lock it up. Throw away the key, bitch. Put four passwords on it. Or be like me and have three phones with three different passwords. Even though I am in a monogamous relationship. But if you piss me off, you can't get my phone. If you think you're gonna hide your little fucking cutesy fuck book messages when you're talking to your friendlies, get fucked, dude. Like, if you have to hide anything like that from somebody in a relationship that is supposed to be monogamous, it's not a monogamous relationship. There's something more to it. Someone's fucking with you. And it's weird that people disagree. And honestly, I have had many girlfriends shout out that do take that stance. But I know they're dodgy bitches. They try to convince me, oh no, I have my phone and I have his. I trust him. I trust him so much, really. Well, he obviously doesn't trust you, otherwise, he'd fucking hand over his phone. Or he doesn't trust himself. Which is probably the real issue, eh? He doesn't trust himself. Like, I am so happy my husband does not have social media. Like, he just doesn't. Social media is just asking for a fucking problem. Any social media that I have or have ever had is affiliated with something I'm trying to get off the ground. It's a podcast I'm trying to fucking light up, it's a book I'm trying to sell, it's a brand I'm trying to push. Like, that's how I use it personally. So when I'm in a relationship, I look for that same type of level with someone. I don't need someone that's got their fucking high school girlfriend and their fuck book page, send them a message to say happy birthday. Fuck off. Like, I don't need Instagram models that oh he follows, but that's just because you know they're pretty.

unknown: 13:39

The fuck?

SPEAKER_01: 13:40

What are you talking about? So crazy. The Wild West. If a dude will not let you in his phone, he is cheating on you, trying to cheat on you, or just doing some fucked up shit. Real talk. He's watching, like, you know, do like, I don't know, inappropriate porn, perhaps. He's talking to people he shouldn't be speaking to. He's looking at weird shit. Don't be a creep. It's like your fucking internet history. If somebody goes on your computer and they delete the history every time they walk away, what the fuck were you looking at, friend? Like, these are people you're supposed to trust. And again, this is not an episode about dating. Cause honestly, keep it dirty dating. Another episode. I gotta write this shit down, sisters. This is we're going to 2026, and these are gonna be the new epis coming for you every Wednesday. Tell your friends. If you let's say you're engaged, for fuck's sake. Let's get beyond date. I mean, fuck it. People, because I can already hear the haters being like, Tommy would never do that, and we trust each other. If you need his password, it means you don't trust him. You're damn fucking right, dude. I don't trust you until you give me a reason to. For real, for real. Like, it's not a I walk into the relationship trusting you until you give me a reason not to. No, no, no, no. I walk into a relationship not trusting you until you give me a reason that I should. And I think that's fucking good advice. Put it on my grave. I'm shouting it from the hills. These guys that are brainwashing women into believing that locking their phone, keeping it private, is about trust. It's about, oh baby, I don't want to look in your phone, please. You know what's gonna really get me on Tinder? My boyfriend locking his phone and telling me it's about trust. Because, word, I trust you enough that I'll be on Tinder and my locked phone trying to find somebody that I actually do trust. Does that make sense? Is that was that too many back and forths? Men are gross a lot of the time. Not all of them. There are some really great ones. There's some really wonderful ones. I mean, I shouldn't bag my man as much as I do. Like, this is my forum, and as someone that's been married forever, and now I really now it's my ball and chain. We got two kids, I'm not going anywhere. And he's not my baby daddy, he's my husband, and I love him. I scare him, which, you know, that's understandable. I wouldn't say that I'm the easiest person to get along with all the time. However, don't play the phone game. He gave me that password right away, bitches. I can get his phone, I can get his phone right now. And you know I fucking did. Of course I fucking did. Once I demanded that he give me his password, and he blatantly told me it was his birthday, and I typed it in right in front of him, and I went through the whole fucking phone while he was sitting in front of me. And you know what I found? Chit-chat with his family. There's nothing in there, dude. There's nothing in there. And the haters will be like, oh, he's deleting it. Nah, bitch. He's not fucking deleting it. Like, he would be too frightened to. But I'm also in a position of power because I run my house, right? I am the runner of the house, the breadwinner, yo mama. I've taken care of every single one of my husbands. And girls, don't do that. That'll be another episode. Don't be me. I mean, be me. I've got a lot of wonderful qualities, but one of my shit qualities that I have is taking care of fucking dudes. I've taken care of them all. And honestly, I feel like it could be a trauma reaction, maybe because I was abandoned as a child. I don't know. Maybe because I don't want to give them the power. Right? The same way, I won't give you the power of a password. The power of a password is not stronger than the power of my pussy, of your pussy. You know what I'm saying, ladies? Hail to the naha! If I reach just like two beaties, two, maybe say 200 listen, and two walk away and are like, you know what? I'm looking that motherfucker, do it. Look in his phone. Do it when it fucking sitting there. Looking at Snap. And let me tell you, Snap, are you kidding me? For if you have a Snapchat, we're not together. You know what? My husband and I at one point did have Snapchat joint. We had a joint Snapchat. We actually had a podcast together in the past. It was great until he decided that he was gonna be fucking lazy. However, we had joint accounts. And that's how you do it, girls. If you're really stuck on the socials, if you can't deal with your life if you're not on fucking Instagram or if TikTok is just like your fucking burning urge of existence, then you share a fucking profile. You see people doing that shit, those bitches are smart. Shout out to all the bitches that are already down that road. Share a fucking profile. I got three phones with the same profiles across them all. It's not like, oh, I can't log in, yes. Can bitch. You can log in. Work it. Log in, work it, be it, own it. If really social media is such a priority, if watching Snapchat is what gets you through the day, that's fine. It's time to make a joint account. Because if your dude's phone is locked, he's talking to someone. He's beating off to something, he's doing something dodgy. There is not one reason on God's green earth to ever not give your partner, your monogamous partner, your fiance, your husband, your wife, your whatever, that person should have access to all of your shit. And if they don't, it's a tumultuous issue. And if you try to say that you're fine with it, you're full of shit. You're either A, hiding so much shit in your fucking phone, shout out, that you just don't want the other person to see it. So your approach, therefore, is oh no, baby, I love you, I trust you, it's fine. Right? Girl, I I want to see the dick pics you're hiding. I want to see your fucking old boyfriend's Tommy's 12 inch dick that you just can't delete. Send me that pic. Because you're not locking your phone out of transparency. It's not because you trust each other, it's not because, oh. We're just so solid that you know we don't have to do that. We love each other.

SPEAKER_00: 20:04

We're love.

SPEAKER_01: 20:05

Well, apparently he doesn't love you as much as he loves whatever bitch he's chatting up in her fucking DMs. Men I have found the social media men, because trust me, I wean him out, yo. I seriously try to wean them out because my third husband was the worst. So my third husband, who was a very high-ranking military, I'm talking major general life, for real for real. A very high-ranking military person who, consequently, had a major fucked up life, right? Been all over the world, relationships destroyed, moved here, moved there, like trauma for your mama beyond, like horrendous shit, and bless him, because he's a good person. However, he was also fucking scumbag. We'll call him Scumbag Sammy. So Scumbag Sammy thought it was cute to like pretty much talk to every single bitch on every single continent that sucked his dick while he was traveling the world being important. And he was sexy and like high-ranked and everything else. I can't believe I married him. That was a weird one. I gotta do an episode about my many husbands. It's coming. Tune in, babies. Like it subscribe. Anyways, the craziest, wildest shit with him was that I married him every single one of my husbands, except for number four, I married in 10 weeks or less. So let that sink in. I've never had a wedding. I've been married four times, but never had a wedding. And then curiously, my fourth husband, we weren't it for the long haul. We met in February and got married in October, so that was kind of stretching it out. But then when you consider that our first son was born the following full that February, our first son was born 54 weeks after we met. Anyways, I digress. Uh my military hot husband, who was fucking insane. Like the craziest motherfucker I've ever actually met in my life. Had no problem with all these bitches in his phone. And it was so funny because, like I said, his phone was unlocked. I took that shit from the bed when he was sleeping. I'm like, all right, let me take a look in your phone, see what's going on. Y'all. Like that was an instance of me being like, he's a high-ranking military person. Surely he has like a shred of self-respect. Surely he must be like somewhat dignified. Yeah, right. So he blatantly was telling this other woman who was like, I was living in New York City at the time. She was living an hour out of New York City. She really thought that was her boyfriend. Like she actually, and he was married to me. We weren't dating, we were actually married. She really believed that they were together. And he did not leave my sight the whole time, from when I met him to when we married, to when he chased me around the world to Australia, which was fucking crazy. But, anyways, I essentially had tabs on him while we were in a pretty dysfunctional relationship. But all I'm saying is when I found that shit, he locked his phone after that, eh? And that was pretty much the beginning of the end. And that was the funny part. The fact that I went in his phone, found all this shit, and I felt bad for her, to be completely honest. I wasn't mad at her, and you shouldn't be either. For people that catch your dude cheating, don't be mad at that bitch. He's a fucking scumbag. I don't care if she's pursuing him. I don't care. There is no excuse. And again, it comes to monogamous relationships. We're not talking about the dating pool. We're not talking about our fucking our little gaggle of Tinder dick. Like, that's not what we're talking about here. I'm talking about if you are in a I only fuck you and you only fuck me agreement with somebody, phone passwords are fucking arbitrary, dude. Phone pass it's like so nutty for that to even be a goddamn issue. I would say just keep your phones unlocked, but you know, if you lose it or some shit happens like that, that's fine. Put a password on it, because you never know. But you know what you do know, you know your man's password. That's what you know. It's your fucking birthday, it's your anniversary, I don't care what the fuck it is. But you know exactly what it is, and anytime you feel like picking that bitch up and having a little look-see, off you go. And if that dude wants to turn around to you and be like, don't you trust me? No, I don't. Don't you trust me? And that's the fucking funny part. So many times when I've had this conversation with girlfriends, they're like, oh, we trust each other. He says that, you know, don't I trust him? Well, he obviously doesn't trust you to go through his fucking phone. Flip the script, girl. Sit on the other side of the table and don't be fucking stupid. Bitch, don't be dumb. Like, for real. If your man tries to say he's not giving you the password to his phone because you need to trust him, dump him. Dump him right now. Go find another guy that has no social media, find him without a phone. That's what I dream of. God, wouldn't that be great? That's my my pussy just got wet. I literally have snail trails right now. Find a guy that doesn't even have a fucking phone. Find a dude rich enough, like established enough, confident enough that he doesn't need to walk around with a fucking glowing box to feel relevant. I'm really not a technology person in any fucking regard. I use my shits to make money. And as a writer, I always got a laptop. I I have these devices for certain purposes outside of the socials. But the reality is 90% of people running around with these gadgets are realistically using them for the socials, which is the wild, wild motherfucking West, as you're aware. So you can have a trusting relationship, a monogamous relationship. We are the world, kumbaya. But what you can't have is a dude telling you you have that with a locked phone in his pocket. It's bullshit. So that's the episode, babies, is uh no pussy without passwords, right? If you want my pussy, well no, no monogamous pussy without passwords, right? Like, if you are in a monogamous relationship with a man where he feels that he owns your vagina, because let's face it, monogamy means you own my flaps. I'm not spreading them for anybody else. This is a one penis zone, right? That's that's all we're dealing with. If you're gonna commit to someone like that and give them your body and your being, and they're like, oh, but you can't have my password? I feel like you should reconsider. I think maybe you might want to put some more thought into that situation because you'd be surprised. And you motherfucking listen to your mama. Listen to your mama with the four husbands, more dick that I could count, body count. You're fucking right. Like I have lived long enough. And, you know, having spent eight years as a single person in Midtown Manhattan, having the time of my motherfucking life, by the way, I wasn't worried about anyone's password then, not until I married that crazy fucking military person who I consequently met on 44th Street. However, go out, have a good time, keep your password to yourself, fuck that person. You don't want to know what's in his phone. Oh, please. If I think about like some fucking Randolph that I banged back in my day, I definitely don't want to know what's in their phone. Absolutely not. I didn't then, I don't now. But if you're going to be in a monogamous relationship, if you're going to have an agreement that you're not gonna go out and fuck anybody else, or you're not gonna look for anybody else to fuck, you're not going to engage with other people trying to fuck you, right? Monogamy is confusing. It's not that straightforward. It's more complicated than I'm not spreading them for anyone except for you. And that's why phones are a relevant, you know, uh thing. They're a relevant thing. I'm just leaving it at that. Phones are a relevant thing to consider if you are going to commit your pussy to one person. So, for all of you that are in monogamous relationships, I hope you have his fucking password. If you're in a monogamous relationship and you don't have his password, go demand that he fucking gives it to you right now. And if anybody has any thoughts on this, then fucking follow us, hit the text, right? There's a text. Go to the Buzzsproute page, send your mama a text, and we'll keep the conversation going next week. But for now, as we wrap up episode eight, no pussy without passwords. Ladies, that's the mantra. That's what we're leaving at. Have a beautiful week. Have a good time. Go open your man's phone. Look at it, reassure yourself that he's not a fucking dirt bag, and then ride his face till you pass out. That's what we're gonna do today. Okay, go fuck your man after you go through the spawn. But make sure you go through a spawn first because these are.

SPEAKER_00: 29:22

I love y'all. I love y'all, happy new year.