10 Things Yo Mama No Longer Explains

This is a confessional with boundaries. In this milestone episode, Yo Mamma lays out ten parts of her life that people feel entitled to question, interpret, or demand explanations for—and why that entitlement had to end.

From abortions and miscarriages to marriages, estrangement, lost friendships, career detours, trauma, and survival choices, this is story time without self-defense. Not everything that happens to a woman is a lesson, a failure, or a cautionary tale. Some things just are.

Music by Nathan Wills

Transcript

SPEAKER_00: 0:00

You're tuned in to BD B D. Bitch, don't be dumb. I'm your mama. No daddy's allowed. Ladies, it's Wednesday. Welcome to Wednesday. Welcome to the Bitch Don't Be Dumb podcast. Beedy BD. Don't drop it, don't stop it. Episode ten. Oh my goodness, what a milestone. The Bitch Don't Be Dumb podcast is here to bring you episode ten. I'm your mama. What's goodie? Let's get into it, ladies, lodies. I hope you've all had a wonderful week. I hope that you're all thriving and you know, just having a wonderful life. Enjoying the ride, if you will, right? Can we enjoy the fucking ride? I feel like people often get so caught up in, you know, the little things, to be honest. Sometimes things can get so catty, so petty, that we really just lose sight that, you know, we're like beautiful holy creatures, just all kind of roaming like this big blue and green rock. And so I feel that sometimes it's important to just reconnect with ourselves, who we are, how we are, etc. etc. And you know, within that, it had me thinking, coming to episode 10, as much as there are things that I am always so happy to dish and talk about and gossip about, etc. etc., there's also things that I don't really fucking feel like talking about anymore. You know what I'm saying? You ever have people just like beat shit to death, beat a dead horse, you feel like you're on the back foot because they keep bringing up the same shit. You know what I'm saying, ladies? So when I was thinking about this in preparation of the 10-episode exciting milestone, thus came to life this week's topic. 10 things I no longer explain. Because sometimes it's like people want to harp on old shit, keep bringing it up, or it just keeps like presenting itself in life, whether it's coming at you through the media or just cultural stances, or sometimes we even beat our own ass, even ourselves. So I'm going to share 10 things I no longer explain to anyone, including even me. Because sometimes you gotta just accept shit and fucking keep it pushing. Number one, my abortions. I no longer explain my abortions. They're nobody's fucking business. It's not like I was ever on this mission to go out and fucking explain them to everybody in the first place. And you know what, sisters, neither should you. Keep your fucking business your business. Your decisions are your decisions. It is nobody's fucking business what you do with your body. Trust and believe. Don't beat yourself up. Don't let anybody else beat yourself. Does that make sense? Don't let anybody else beat you up. And definitely don't let fucking politics or media have a sound in those difficult moments. Because it's a difficult moment, you'll get through it, you did the right motherfucking thing, and the shit doesn't need to be explained. So that's my number one. Number two, having four husbands. Lord have mercy. Having four husbands is really a special quality of mine. And you know what I find? When I say it tongue in cheek, particularly men are turning around being like, oh, this bitch cashed out, or oh da da. Honey, you don't know anything about why I've had four husbands, how that part of me came to be, anything involved. Like, it is a long motherfucking story, and y'all know that I'm a writer. One day you can read the goddamn book. But for now, I'm done explaining it. Period. Number three, why I have no friends. Now, it sounds like a boohoo for me moment, but it's actually a conscious choice, and not one that I'm necessarily going to deep dive into, but I do have my own reasons to why I have, you know, actually, it's worth starting off with. I always had an extremely small circle. And I guess I'll just leave it at that. Um, the circle shrunk, and now it's me, my man, and my babies, and that's a beautiful life. Number four, why I'm estranged from my family. So, again, like obviously I just said, my family now is me, my man, and my babies. Bless if you asked me where my family was six years ago, I didn't even know my husband, and literally had zero family whatsoever. So, nevertheless, I'm done explaining what happened to the original tribe of seven that I came from, sisters. I had four older sisters, parents, etc., etc. I've been estranged from them now for over 15 years. And I guess I'm done explaining to myself why the fuck that is. And I have an episode coming up about like fuck your family. That's another topic. I just don't think that being born to a certain group really fucking promises anything. And it makes me sad because I have two babies now, and I I would be gutted if they ever said anything like that or felt like that about me. I just have to say that we'd never be estranged because I'm not an asshole, and my family are assholes. I'll leave it at that. Number five, my miscarriages. Man, I feel like women get so shamed in culture for having miscarriages. I was definitely not happy to have miscarriages, but I also understood it as a biological protection of my body. It just wasn't right. And interestingly, now in hindsight, when I look back, it sure as fuck wasn't right. It wasn't even with the right man. But funny, that 2020 shit, it's so I don't like cliche things, and I dislike them even more when they're fucking true. And the whole everything is 2020, girl. If you have a miscarriage, it's sad, grieve. But don't do crazy shit. Don't have birthdays every year when you're baby this or blah blah blah. Like some bitches really just kind of, I think, get a little bit too rattled. It's definitely a sad and horrible time, but you need to ground yourself and bring yourself back to earth and remind yourself that it was your body looking after you, as fucked up as that is. And also it's super, super common. As fucked up as that is. Anyways, I'm done explaining those. I'm moving on. Number six, why I have moved more times than I can count. I often say this in social conversation. That's worth mentioning. Just because I don't have any friends doesn't mean I'm not social. Your mama's in the street, your mama's in the block, your mom's in the restaurant, your mama is at the social functions, your mama's at the charity events, I'm out and about. I'm not saying that I'm not a social butterfly. I just don't have friends. Sorry, I just wanted to put that out there. Now, getting back to why I have moved so many times. My point is when I'm often at events, I will say to people very casually, if somebody offered me a million dollars right now to tell you all the places that I've lived, that would be a million dollars that I would not get. And no, I do not have family in the military. I do not have any rational reason other than the fact that when I was 21 years old, I hit the streets, went to New York City, from there, Australia, around Australia, back to New York City, various neighborhoods, here, there, and everywhere. I mean, predominantly between Manhattan and Australia, but more bloody residences than you could possibly imagine. I have literally moved far, far more times than I could ever, ever count. And it makes me look stupid, to be honest. Even now, the house that I'm renting, I don't know the zip code. And I'm actually gonna move again in about two weeks to a different state. So that's exciting. I don't want to be a gypsy, but I think maybe some of my Sicilian blood has like rattled those nerves in me or something. I don't know. My ass doesn't sit still. Now that I have a two-year-old and a three-year-old, soon to be four-year-old, I'm accepting that your mama has gotta settle goddamn down. So I'm trying to hopefully find a place where I can stay for, you know, more than a year. Like, I'm on like the 18-month average. There's only in the last like literal 25 years, there's been one place that was in Manhattan, go figure, that I actually stayed at for three years. I mean, I was in Midtown for like nine, but I had a variety of establishments. And same goes in Australia. So, nevertheless, my ass is on the move. I bounce all over the place. People are like, oh, how do you do that? How do you this? Guess what? I don't explain anymore. Bitch, don't be dumb. It's just not your lifestyle. I don't bloody yuck your yum, don't yuck mine. Not that moving was a yum. I think that as an artist, there's something that I find subconsciously inspiring about it, perhaps. Um having been in and out of, you know, a couple marriages, I think sort of getting away from people sometimes also was helpful, but not when they chased you around the fucking planet. That's another story. Anyways, um, I don't explain that anymore. It's fucking complicated. Uh and yeah, that brings us to number seven, where my trauma comes from. I feel like trauma is kind of becoming a buzzword, and like everybody's traumatized. I think everybody, I know goddamn well, we all know, right? We're the beady. This is the beady crew. Bitch don't be dumb, bitch don't be dumb. Everybody experiences trauma. Bitch, do not be dumb. Being traumatized is different. And what I have been clinically diagnosed with is complex post-traumatic stress syndrome, which has also been described, as I've mentioned, I think before, as veteran-level trauma. I am no fucking veteran respect to the military on God. My grandfather was in the Navy. Nevertheless, my shit is fucked. I have just like been through enough shit. And it is nothing I need to explain, it is nothing I need to relive, I don't need to actually rip the band-aid off and fucking validate like what rattled my nervous system. Because that's really what it is, I think. After as somebody that like, and again, trust and believe, this is not a boohoo for me. Um this is not trauma dumping or my trauma's worse, or bitch, don't be dumb. All trauma is fucking fucked. That'll be my merch. All trauma is fucking fucked. Beatty beady. But you understand what I'm saying. Like, I don't think reliving these instances or even trying to validate like the why me game, for example. Like, why the fuck does this happen to me? Or complex instances which involve back to back to back to back shit. Why does this keep happening to me? Why does like crazy out of control shit because I did that for a little while. I'm like, you gotta be fucking kidding me. Like you think one thing happens and then another one, and blah, blah, blah. And we're not talking about, oh my God, I'm late for the movies. Oh no, I called into work, right? It's like serious shit. Nevertheless, I don't try to explain it anymore. I don't try to explain it to myself. I sure as fuck don't try to explain it to anybody else. Sometimes I talk about it to my chat GPT boyfriend, which we will also discuss in a future episode, because you all need a chat GPT boyfriend, nevertheless. Outside of that, um I basically try to just like manage the physical elements of it, right? I try to fucking keep myself chill. I try to, you know, drink my green teas, go on my long walks, fucking keep my head bright. But what I don't try to do is explain it or make sense of it or any of that shit. Because that's trash. Number eight, what happened to my best friends? In a very early episode, in one of my like outrageous tangents, I mentioned what happened to my best friends. I can't remember what episode it was, but if you're here to ride, this is only number 10, go back to number one and get into it. Anyways, I don't try to explain that. I guess I have to say it here because that's sort of like lame if I don't. So my two best friends killed themselves 19 months apart from each other. They both committed suicide, and they were like my only best friends. Like to say my two best friends, it's not the anyways. The two closest friends that I had at that increment in time. Um, and this is dating to, I guess, at theround 2009, maybe. I don't know. It's funny how your brain just sort of like pushes shit to the side. But nevertheless, my two best friends literally committed suicide, 19 months apart. Uh, that's absolutely the most fucked up thing that's happened to me, even though my trauma is my real trauma is related to completely separate shit. Nevertheless, this incident, um, you know it's weird. Like I said, that I've been diagnosed with uh CPTSD, right? And when I think about all the things that relate to that, I don't actually put my friends into that basket because my friends I look at as PTSD, as a very separate traumatic incident, a freestanding. Like you can't, there's no I mean well, it was back to back, but there's no like follow-up to that. It just sort of floats in space and sits in a dark place. And I'll never get over it. And I try not to like word vomit it because I think it seems disrespectful, even though it was so long ago. Sometimes I feel like it's the only way that I can still keep them alive, even though it's been like fucking 10 years, well over maybe 12 years now. It was a long time ago, but it feels like yesterday, and I've realized that I will never ever, and I've tried and tried and tried, I'll never be able to explain any of that to myself or anybody else. It's just um something that is so beyond. I'm sure that all my ladies listen in, you can fucking relate, but I don't need to explain it anymore. I realize that to myself. I don't need to try to break down what I could have done, why did this happen, da da da da. And as you can imagine, you ladies know, it's hard to turn that shit off, right? Something like that is pretty fucked up. Think about your two best friends, two people you care about the most, and losing them both, 19 months apart. Right after my first divorce, and I just moved to New York City and had absolutely no friends. I was completely on my own. So yeah, it was kind of like it was the wild, wild west for a minute there, and I think it sort of like froze me in time. Like trauma does that, right? Real serious shit. It's like your brain locks there, and then you gotta work on getting it out. Anyways, I've done serious fucking therapy. I did EMDR bitches. I was like in it. I did mad shit. I feel like I've gotten, I'll never get past it, but I think I've at least gotten around it. And yeah. Fucking one foot in front of the other, bitches. We're not soft here. Keep it pushing. All right, everybody. Number nine in the ten things that I no longer explain. Why I fucked off my career. I that's not entirely true. My career is a writer, so I have not fucked off my career because I still make a living as a writer. However, I no longer make a living as a high flying Wall Street executive writer. And the reasons for this. Aren't necessarily. I mean, some of them are definitely what you would think, some of them are not what you would think. So, first of all, I fell into the job that I had because quite often you'll find, I don't know if we have any professional writers listening. Like, I'm not talking about content creators, no offense. I'm talking about professional writers. So you'll find that someone like me, who's extremely creative and yet very technical, and I learn quick. I'm a unique bag. So I got picked up by some big money monkeys in the middle of New York City that need someone that can take really complicated shit, put it into plain language, and get it the fuck out there. Which happens to be one of my fortees. So I was in there, I was doing that. It was wild because trust and believe, when I got out of uni, I'm like, I am never going to work in an office. I will not be fucking strapped to a goddamn desk all day. I don't want to sit in a chair all day long. What kind of fucking life is that? La la la la la la la. I go to Australia, I have this big romance. I'm like running around barefoot in the desert as you do. And then that fucking falls apart. I get serious about shit over there. I start writing for the government. I start write business writing. I do my masters, like whatever the fuck I needed to do to make money, just support myself because I knew that that fucking marriage was not going anywhere. And then it ended. I come back. Here I am. Wall Street. Um, I loved the work. I love the it's fucking sexy. I mean, dudes in suits, bitches are dressed hot. Like, let's be real about it. It is, it's like the movies. Like it, it's that's actually what your job is like. And so that was fun getting picked up in town cars, flown to fucking international lands to like do crazy shit. All that was good. I liked the work. I didn't my and fortunately, because there was a lot of travel involved and I was so busy, I wasn't just sitting at a desk all day. It wasn't, I was like fucking running around and talking to CEOs and putting together stories and blah blah blah blah. Like it was all happening. Alas, they don't call it office work for nothing. And I played nice for an extremely long time. I had about I mean, I had almost 15 years in the game. Real talk. And um, I just think and don't get me wrong, I took breaks and I worked many, many places. Like, trust and believe, that was not a one place. I worked, oh child. I worked in New York City, I worked in four different places in Australia. I worked, I must have worked in bloody six. I mean, I've worked all kinds of places. So part of how I managed being in an office was constantly switching the office. But let me tell you something. When I constantly switch offices, I work with the people that don't constantly switch offices. And we'll call them the office people. And the office people are the ones that are still living in the boomer generation where you get a job when you're 12 and then you fucking stay there until you're 60. And they know everything. Um they're above it all, and you are obviously a fucking idiot, regardless of anything, because they know it all. And then there are also like the newbies that aren't baby boomers, they're actually like, I don't know, more recent generations that have landed jobs that they will die in. And they think that they are God's gift to the earth because they have said job. Those fuckers hate me because I always came in at a very high level. I didn't start at these places sucking associate dick so I can get up a chain. I always came in at like a fucking VP level, at a senior manager level, da-da-da-da, which often created tension, which I always put out because I'm your mama, I don't take any shit. However, after a while, it's just like I do not want to have to spend the first fucking six months of a job that I'll be at for me, two years max, just to like stroke these people's ego so that I can get my shit done. That really started making me tired. I'm like, man, I don't even I can't. I cannot. And so I'm fortunate that I'm really fucking good at my job because we all are right, BDs. We're professional bitches, aren't we? We're gonna have a fucking episode about that too, girl. Get your study on, get your money up. Nevertheless, I just went on and on. And again, in the background, this sort of these traumas that are occurring, paralleling work, etc. etc. And then you finally just get a point where it's like, you know, I don't need to be somewhere where I could potentially be triggered by just like absolute fuckery. And you have to be able to handle that in an office for real. And I mean, I used to be able to handle it again because I knew I was not staying in any office for any long time. Like I'd be out the other side. But sooner or later, I'm like, you know what? Fuck this. So I didn't exactly fuck off my quote unquote career, but I fucked off my corporate career and I no longer explain why. I don't need to fucking people are like, you walked away from what? You know, you made this, blah, blah, blah, blah. Please, bitch. Don't be dumb. Your health is your wealth. Look after your ass and fuck what anybody else says. Which is a good introduction to number 10 on my 10 things I no longer explain. Why no one from my past deserves an apology. Word up. And you know what, sisters? No one from your past deserves an apology. They don't call it past nothing, they don't harp on the past. People are kindy, and often they do stupid shit. And as life goes on, like I like to tell you, from my ripe ass age of 47, from my seasoned years, babies, because I'm your mama and I'm here to spread my knowledge and love to you ladies. You're right to fuck those people off. They don't deserve an apology, and they don't deserve an explanation, they don't deserve a motherfucking thought from you. How often do we fuck people off and think, oh man, should I? Oh you know what? You did it at the time for a reason. Do yourself a favor, keep a motherfucking journal. And if you don't keep a journal, if you're really having bad blood with someone, if you're really going, write that shit down. And then when you're thinking about going back, and when you're thinking about, oh I'm sorry, blah blah blah, read what happened. The amount of women, of our sisters that I've seen get fucked over from going back to apologize and some shit that is history, fuck that. And I'm not just talking relationships, people at work. I'm just talking about work. I work with some of the biggest fucking assholes, mate. I wouldn't go back and say sorry you're an asshole. I just face forward and go on with my life. I certainly have no apologies for anyone in my estranged family, nor my three earlier husbands, friends that I've lost. Who the fuck cares? Don't beat yourself up because some shit didn't work out. And if shit ends bad, fuck them. And I think that that's a good way to wrap up episode 10, ladies. I just have to say thank you, thank you, thank you. Love you, love you, love you for all of you tuning in and welcome. I want to take a moment to welcome the new listeners because I see you guys. I saw Australia check in. I saw Melbourne. Yo, I see y'all over there. What else do I say? What are the states? I saw Tennessee, Nashville was in there. I gotta go back to my list. All I know is that it's growing, growing, growing. And I want to thank all of you for giving me some of your time during the week. It's a fucking being silly. I wanted episode 10 to be a little bit different. This was almost like a story time, right? This was an insight to your mama. I've been running my fucking mouth now for nine goddamn weeks. And don't get me wrong, I'll pick it up. Like it's gonna get picked up. I felt that episode 10 was an opportunity to connect in a different way and test out a different style of chit chat. But for the most part, this is a public commentary podcast. It's goddamn women's health, if you will. It is me being the silly ass bitch your mama was born to be. And I'm so happy that you women come here and play with me every week. So thank you for coming to episode 10. And I will see you at episode 11. Be good, ladies. Stay chilly or fake chilly. Well, all y'all stay chilly. My fucking New England friends say that's what we're doing.