Straight Women Don't Peg

Straight Women Don’t Peg is a rant-disguised-as-a-public-service-announcement about how some men outsource their sexual identity crises to women and then call it “open-minded.” It argues that a lot of so-called adventurous requests aren’t about intimacy or curiosity—they’re about avoiding self-interrogation while demanding emotional labor in lingerie. The episode draws a bright line between consensual kink and pressuring your straight girlfriend to audition for a role she never applied for, with jokes sharp enough to leave a mark.

The underlying idea is simple and mildly heretical:
 sexual compatibility includes respecting what someone genuinely wants—not turning them into a prop for your unresolved questions and then acting shocked when they decline.

This isn’t kink discourse. It’s a boundary check.

Music by Nathan Wills. 

Transcript

SPEAKER_00: 0:00

You're tuned in to BD BD. Bitch, don't be dumb. I'm your mama. No daddy's allowed. Hello. Check one, check two. Episode 11 of the Bitch Don't Be Dumb Podcast has arrived. Woo!

SPEAKER_01: 0:35

Beatty beatty ladies. Don't drop it, don't stop it, right? Happy January 28th. My goodness. January went by in a breeze, right? It was like a whoo. Is that the same for you, sisters? Because for me, I'm happy for it. Like, we started the year positive. We said we're gonna own it. I'm owning it. You're owning it. We are owning it. Ladies, we are already winning. And I'm surprised that this will be the last episode of the month. My goodness, episode 11. Welcome. Welcome, sisters, old school listeners, new school listeners, international sister sisters, women, ladies. Yo, the amount of dudes perving on my pays. I am not really needing to entertain that. This is a podcast for women by women. This is your mama. You're the BDS, right? Bitch don't be dumb. BDBD, you're the BD's, and we don't drop it, and we do not motherfucking stop it. Episode 11. Straight bitches don't peg. Woo! Let's get it back, ladies. You know, last episode we ran a little bit deep. You're gonna find that every 10 episodes will be a story time, a little bit of shareware. But, anyways, that is the history right now, right? The history. That is the past, the history that's behind us. Back on track, forwards and upwards. Straight women don't peg. You! Welcome to episode 11. Here we go. Strappin'. First of all, if you and your man are on some kinky ass shit where, you know, you're about it, he's about it, you got your fucking, you know, your I don't know, your your weird belt on with the fucking the pegger and you're going in, this episode isn't for you. What I'm trying to say, similar to the ass looking episode, if you didn't listen to the ass looking episode, it might be worth going to listen to that as the lead up. Because they're different monsters, for sure, for sure. But there's there are some similarities, I'm not gonna lie. I don't think that a regular heterosexual woman or young girl, for that matter, when are we supposed to be like, oh yes, sir, you're right. There's nothing I would rather do than put on some kind of like you know, penetrated device and shove it up your asshole because you're too weak to be gay. Just be gay. Why can't dudes just be gay? And let's talk about because your mama is a sexy bitch, a experimental bitch, an experienced bitch, a horny bitch. So, and a freaky bitch, very importantly, a freaky bitch. Um, I have never pegged anybody. Let's okay, let's start there. The weirdest shit that I ever did was this guy asked me to shove a wine bottle up his ass. And this was like a very long time ago. And the weird thing was I took his virginity. So I hope he's found a boyfriend by now. I took this guy's virginity. I don't want to say took it because that sounds so fucking masculine, it's gross, but, anyways, I sexed him for the first time, and it was fine. He was a nice boy, and and I hadn't really fucked that many people at that at that point in my life. This was like, this was yonks ago, like 20 years ago, long, long time. But I do remember after we started having sex, he's like, Oh, by the way, can you just like shove this bottle up my ass? And I'm like, hey, hey, hey, hey. Like, that's a little bit weird. Um, I just don't think that women have to do whatever we're asked to do, specifically when it comes to ass play. You know what I mean? Like, we want our pussies licked, we want to get banged out. Like, I I for one, I as a rule of thumb, I'm not normally interested in a man's asshole. Whatso fucking ever. And while I do understand that there are some tickly bits up there, right? If you if you go pushing and prodding, you'll find same as women. Like I said, somewhere I talk about my anal experience, like, yeah, like if you fucking push hard enough in some kind of these places, some shit's gonna happen. Or you could just, you know, stay in a fucking straight lane, like just like take the easy route, if you will. Like, if you match with somebody and you're all on the same page, and you're like, oh, it just so happens I have this fucking strap-on dildo in my closet. Can't wait to ram it up your ass. And he's like, Yep, I got the lube, let's get it done. That's fine. That's where you guys are living. I'm speaking for the people where that's not really where it's at. Where it's like you and Randy have had pretty fucking like militant, like like normal, regular sex for a minute, and then all of a sudden he drops a bomb of like, oh, by the way, it just so happens I have these fucking stirrups in the closet with a fucking peg attached to it, and can you like ram it up my ass and expect you to be like, oh sure, honey, like that's totally normal. No, it's not. Okay. What heterosexual women, okay, if you and I'm not trying this is not perverted. Um, this is in no way of perversion am I drawing this kind of comparison, but like young girls growing up, I didn't personally have a princess thing because I was a tomboy, but just for the sake, for the sake of the pod, for the sake of a smile, for the sake of a motherfucking laugh, let's put it this way. If I'm like a normal little girl and I'm like princess bitch, so I'm like, I'm Disney princess. I'm Princess Jasmine, I'm fucking sleeping beauty, I'm Cinderella. That's my that I'm getting my princess vibe on, and I'm looking for my prince. And I'm like, oh, I'm gonna find a prince. He's gonna like fuck me proper, and then we're just gonna hang out forever. That's the dream. You know what's not the dream? I'm sleeping beauty, and I wake up and my prince is there, and instead of being like, hey bitch, you want to go get freaky downstairs? He's like, Oh, honey, I'm so glad you're awake. Why don't you just fucking put this dick on and come fucking beat me from the back? Like, what the fuck? Like, no, not normal. Or I don't even know these stories because I haven't actually really seriously watched them or read them. But I think it's is there a carpet with Jasmine? Is it like, oh, hey, I'm your prince and I just saved you. We're gonna ride away in the magic carpet. But before we get on the carpet, I just want you to, you know, slide your legs through these stirrups with this big, you know, rubber wiener. So in case I feel some kind of way, I can bend over while we're in the sky and you can take care of that. What the fuck? Now incorrect, incorrect. Nobody's looking for that. Nobody's asking for that. And again, it's a very, very fine line. So did I shove a wine bottle up this guy's ass? Yeah, and was it weird? Fucking yeah. And I actually broke up with him shortly after because it was too weird for me. I'm like, I just I find ass sex to be homoerotic, if you will. And guess what? I'm allowed to feel like that. And whatever your opinion is, sisters, you're allowed to feel like that too. As a large rule of thumb, um, I'm here to say a ordinary. There's nothing ordinary. Society has pegged heterosexual women as boring and ordinary. That's why nobody wants to be that anymore, right? Everyone wants to be edgy. They're like, oh, I'm not hetero because like I fucking made out with my best friend when we were shitface last week, or oh, I'm not hetero because my boyfriend pressured me into a threesome I didn't really want to do, and so I licked this girl's pussy till I puked. Like, I just think the pressure on females is unacceptable and unnecessary, and more regular than anybody's willing to speak to. For real, for real. I don't think it's fair uh to normalize freaky ass shit. And I think, and you know what's funny? Like, part of me is like, oh my god, my my next merch should say normalize freaky ass shit. Like, I would like that, but there's also a consequence to it, eh? And as a seasoned woman, as your mama, I have an obligation to my sisters, my babies, the girlies, right? The ladies. I'm here speaking for us. Me, you, y'all, us, earth thing. Women, biologically. A biological heterosexual woman does not get out of bed in the morning and say, Hey, you know what I feel like doing? Fucking gluing a dick on and sticking up some guy's asshole. No, you're not going to. And if you do, that's okay. But we're talking like, you know, statistics here, like masses, numbers, likelihood. Most women, most, and you know what? Fucking hate on me all day. I love the haters. The haters have a lot of energy. Fucking drop it, dude. Excuse me. Don't drop it. Don't stop it. But you know where I'm coming from. You understand the point. The point is a heterosexual woman who likes to be railed on by men. She wants a dick in her mouth. She wants to get pounded out. She wants fucking a face between her thighs, licking in every direction till he gets it correct. That's pretty straight to me. You know what I'm saying? You want to get freaky? Sure, let's get fucking freaky. Like, let's have mutual, let's do bondage, let's do dirty talk, let's do like secret vibrators on the invisible bits that nobody sees. Let's write each other fucking filthy shit and like note the word write. Let's write it in pen and ink and paper. So it's not fucking in Google's goddamn memory bank. Let's get filthy with it. Let's get nasty. Oh. Yes. Let's do all of those things and let's do them without the woman having to wear a rod and shove it up your asshole. Because straight women don't peg. Bitch, don't be dumb. Straight women do not peg. They don't. It's not something you wake up wanting to do. You're not like, oh yeah, man. I just like brush my teeth. I fucking worked out. I got my nails done. I'm going to go to work pretty soon. But before I even do that, let me just like stick something up my man's asshole. Because that's very straight of me. Like if that makes you feel empowered, and if you have that, like if that's your freaky deep going on with your man, fine. Again, I'm not here to yuck your yum. That's not what this is about. This is an inherent perspective. Inherently.

unknown: 13:51

Inherently.

SPEAKER_01: 13:53

I'm not going to bring it to like a youth thing because that's that's a gross and perverted. So I'm not even going to like take that angle. But all I'm saying is like an 18-year-old female individual who is very, very heterosexual and ready to partake in the art of sex, because it's an art, right? And we love to fuck. Let's not forget, we love to fuck. It's great. Sex is a beautiful fucking thing. Keep it healthy, keep it safe, keep it sane, and you're nice. Putting on some stirrups with an imitation penis so that you can shove it up a dude's asshole is not very straight to me. And that's to me. I mean, this is my podcast, this is your mama, it's bitch don't be dumb, beady beady. Thank y'all for listening. I'm here to say openly in my own way, I really, really, absolutely on God, don't think that a straight woman ever has an inkling of being like, man, I wish I could just like fuck some dude's asshole right now. Not saying that, like, like you could be straight and want to do that. It's possible. I'm just saying it's not the norm. No, I mean, sisters. I'm just saying stop trying to normalize it. Like, long live the freaky deeks. You want to bang some dude's ass out. It makes you feel empowered. It makes that's that's good, but I just don't think it's straight because I don't think the guy that's getting railed on is straight. Does that make sense? Is that is maybe that's a better way to say it. Perhaps it should be like, well, yeah, straight men don't want their ass fucked. I'll take it there. Let's let's rise it up, dude. Straight men don't actually want their asses fucked. And I know that because my husband is the most straight man on earth. Like, or he's like a 1%. My husband's a 1%er in terms of like being straight, and he definitely does not want anything shoved up his ass. And I hope that makes for all of my sisters listening that are in relationships with straight men, I feel like you can test to that. Like, if you are in a relationship with a straight man, he doesn't want you to shove something up his asshole. Like he just doesn't. And the reason why he probably loves you is because you're also very straight. So that would lead me to believe that you are also not in a position where you're like, oh honey, you're fucking so sexy and strong and and just like big, got the big dick energy. You're fucking you're doing it all as a man. You know what I can't wait? I can't wait to shove something up your ass. Are you fucking kidding me? Like, what? Now, no hot straight dude wants anything up his ass. And you know what a hot straight dude really needs? The best thing for a hot straight dude, a fucking hotter, sexier, goddamn fly ass, heterosexual, biological woman, woman, please. That's what he needs. And you know why he wants one of those? Because she's not gonna try to shove something up his asshole. She's not gonna be like, oh my god, baby, you just fucking fucked me blind. I came three times, I sucked your dick so hard you ate my pussy all night, but this night will not be complete until I put on a dildo and rail it up your fucking walnut. Get the fuck out of here, girl. Like, honestly, assholes are nasty. I will stand that all day long. And like, as far as all the fucking little girls out there making money, spreading their cheeks, getting their ass fucked, blah blah blah. It is a power play. I fucking stand by that. Listen to the the ass, whatever episode. Listen to it. It's a power play. Like, men don't want to fuck your ass. Well, they want to fuck your ass for two reasons. One, they're gay, or two, it's a power play. That's it. Because your pussy and your mouth, that's fucking far beyond. That is more than it. Are you kidding me? Your hands, your feet, your toes, your fucking. Please, if a dude can't get off without either violating your asshole or you violating his asshole, you either need to share the kink or move the fuck on. That's real talk. Don't let anybody talk you into that shit. Don't let any dude be like, oh baby, it'd be so hot if, oh, just shove it here. I want to shove it there. I'd be like, word, go find fucking someone to let you do it. Like when you're young and you experiment, you have a crack, you have a go. That's fine. Figure out what you like. And you know what? I feel like as far as our younger listeners go, they're gonna figure out that that shit's fucked. It's whack, dude. It's corny. It's like, oh, the gay guy got one over on you. For real. Most girls would be like, I did anal once, I didn't like it. Yeah, you did it once with this fucking rando gay guy that just didn't want to be gay yet, so he thought he'd fucking practice on you. Or pegging. Oh yeah, I did it once, I didn't really like it. Yeah, because this guy wanted to get fucked by another dude, but he wasn't that confident yet. So he asked you to do it because he didn't have the nuts. Don't ever call him again. I hope you still don't have his number, and you sure as fuck better not be like a fuckbook friend or connected on Instagram or TikTok. Anyways, Asplay is a sensitive area, literally. And if it is a common ground, then it's a common ground. I'm not that's not what this episode is about. And if you think that's what this episode is about, go listen to Joe Rogan. Need something more straightforward. I'm saying men manipulate, especially in this day and age, for real. This is your mama. I've lived a life. I was born in 1978, babies. I've been around, I have lived it. I'm not here putting on a persona. This is not some fake shit, honeys. Yo mama is here for you and for me because our connection is so sacred and so special. Um, don't fuck a dude's ass. It's weird. Again, I've never personally done it. You have to be off your fucking face, dude. Like, you'd have to be so fucked up. And like I like to get fucked up in its own right. Like, I'm not hating on that. If you are safe and being good and you know you're on your fucking little or your own little party, that's fine. But if you're having a party with some random fucking date, again, not your not your dude. If it if you have an intimate understanding in your own private long-term relationship, fucking shout out. That's fair ground. There's a difference between like lovers that are together and exploring. I can already hear the hate, bitch. Richard loves when I do it, and I do it on his birthday every year. We do it every Friday. Like, that's fucking fine. I'm not, this isn't for you. It's for like girls that are just on, you know, casual dating, this or this or that. And the dude knows it's as casual as fucking you do. So he's like, man, I'm gonna dump this bitch next week. At least I can get my ass fucked before then. No. No, you can't, Edward. Not today. So you need to be strong enough to be like, I'm not going to because it's it's really gross and awkward. And it is. Like when I put that bottle up that person's ass, I'm like, this is so weird right now. I didn't even drink back then. Imagine that. Christ. I mean, like, I had, you know, smoked a lot of weed, but um, it was definitely weird. But even if I was shit face drunk, I feel like it would have been weirder. It's probably better that I wasn't drinking because then I would have actually said how I felt about it, but instead I was just high, and so I sent him home and like never spoke to him again after that. Literally. And I'm not an ass play person, although I did have my own anal experiences after that, but I feel like a girl experimenting with anal is very, very different from a dude having like something shoved up his ass. I mean, anal is literally just having something shoved up your ass at the end of the day, right? And it's not my forte. Like I said, I've I probably got half a dozen experiences under my belt. They all sucked, except for one with a dude that had a really tiny dick and he was hot in Italian, and somehow that got a kraken. So that experience in itself, I understand the G spot. Like I get why people would want that, but it's just not something that you ask for on a second date as a dude, especially like, anyways, all I'm saying, we're gonna have to wrap it up. My wrap-ups take a long time, so I'm gonna start to shut it down here. But ladies, shoving things up men's assholes isn't sexy, and I'm going to boldly claim that on a scale of one to a hundred, ninety nine point nine percent of heterosexual women like they're not pegging shit, dude. Pardon the pun. Like, you're not pegging anything because straight, straight women don't peg. I mean, I feel that straight men don't have anal as well. Every guy, like I had anal with a very a few randos, and in hindsight, like they're definitely all gay, bisexual, like they're not straight, they're comp they're absolutely not straight people. Um, that's my learning and understanding, and I will fucking take it to the grave. And so while sexuality is a fluid field for everyone to play in, and I want everyone to play in the field, have a fucking fun time, have a safe time, have a beautiful connecting time in the field. But this is a podcast for heterosexual, biological women. I'm pretty sure it's the only one, right? So fucking Google it. Find another podcast for heterosexual, like biological, heterosexual women, heterosexual, biological, however you want to cut it. Like find a podcast for that audience because there's not. Sisters! This is the only one. It's the bitch don't be dumb audience. It's the beaties, the beady beady vibe. Um women who say I'm straight aren't driving home after work to strap on a rubber dick and shove it up some dude's ass. And if they are, they're not straight, he's not straight, some shit's fucked up, and you're probably gonna see them in the New York Post next week, like arrested for some reason. Or the LA Times or something. I just mean like it's not regular, degular, right? And I am so over guys trying to pressure women, particularly younger women, particularly in casual situations. You know what I'm saying? Like, women want to get fucked. Of course I please go out, have casual sex and have a good time. That's how it's supposed to be. It's not supposed to be, oh, fucking Ted took me back to his place and asked me to like shove this fucking rail up his ass. Like, what the fuck, dude? Like, that's not that's not fun. You know what could be fun? Make Ted eat your pussy for two hours and then get an Uber and get the fuck out of there. Or if you want to have sex, put a condom on Ted, ride like a rodeo, and then fuck off. But you don't have to put the work in of putting anything up his asshole. I guess that's the moral of the story. So don't feel that you are obliged as a straight woman that's in the game. And it's a fucking tough playing field because finding a straight man in 2026 is essentially mining a fossil, right? You're finding a dinosaur footprint, you are finding a Bronosaurus tooth or a caveman tool, like to find a real, a real, legitimately heterosexual man. Because they've normalized being like they've normalized getting railed on by dudes. Like men have somehow normalized being gay. And and I don't care. Like, that's for them, it's great, but you know who it's not great for? Straight women. So remember this, straight ladies. Find yourself a straight this again, just for the straight woman. I'm not talking to the fucking, oh, I'm gender fluid, I'm by die, I'm fucking blah blah. I'm all these letters. No. This is a message for the fucking target audience of this podcast. Heterosexual, biological woman, find a fucking straight dude to fuck you proper, help you out, 50-50, be 100. Do it that way. That's the way to fucking do it. You know how you don't do it? You don't do it by finding some fucking person that's like, hey, wanna shove this bottle up my ass? Not fucking really. No, hey, wanna like wear this fucking rubber dildo and like go to pound town while I bend over and put my face in the pillow? No, you don't stay strong, girl. Stay strong, and that's that's how we're gonna wrap up this episode. Mommies, tell your friends, share the urgency, and I hope that um y'all will continue to check in from all these. I've got listeners in Baghdad. Hey y'all, see y'all for real, for real. Singapore, what up, Singapore? I see you. Um, we're growing. The Bronx in Brooklyn are still here naturally. Hello, hello, Jacksonville, Florida. What's up? I see you. We're creating a female movement, right? No one else is doing this shit right now. Let's keep it going. Let's keep it moving. See you next week, babies. Let's let's all blow a kiss to January. I hope January was good to you. Uh, and January was good. No matter what, January was good to us, honeys. We got through it. We did our fucking thing. We were at the month up. We welcomed 2026. We got through month number one, month number two starts pretty soon. That's my favorite number. Here we here we go. Get ready for February.