Bator Bros Are Not Straight

This week on Bitch Don’t Be Dumb, Yo Mamma dives into the wild world of “Bater Bros” — straight men who get together to, well… not-so-privately handle their business.

Is it straight? Is it bi? Is it just “boys being boys”? Or is this a full-blown identity crisis with Bud Light involved?

We’re unpacking internet subcultures, masculinity, labels, denial, and the fascinating gap between how people identify and what they actually do. No shame, no hate — just side-eye, questions, and a little cultural anthropology with attitude.

Ladies, stay alert. The copy machine crew might not just be talking about spreadsheets.

Bitch, don’t be dumb.

Transcript

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You're tuned in to BD B D. Bitch, don't be dumb. I'm your mama. No daddy's allowed. Welcome. Welcome, listeners, one and all to this week's set of bitch don't be dumb. Beattie, beatty, don't drop it, don't stop it. I'm your mama. Yo the beaties. Ladies, I'm fucking late. And I'm late today because life got in the way. You know what I'm saying? I'm a busy bitch. Sometimes bitches gotta get shit done. I mean, but I will say, I was thinking of my beaties all day. I see y'all pulling up. I see the subscribers. Thank you, ladies. Love y'all. And I'm like, bitch, my beaties come in to check on about me every week. God damn it. Of course, I'm going to go and do podcast time this evening, right now. Here we are. Let's get it. This week's topic, ladies. The name of the episode Bader Boys Aren't Straight. Do you know what a Bader Boy is? You might be able to make an educated guess. I would probably have a few guesses about what a Bader Boy is, but I'm not sure I would nail on the head what I learned it is the other day when I was listening to a podcast where there was a gentleman speaking with one of those things that hide your voice, brah. Because, you know, he's it's Bader Boyd Pride, I guess. Bader boy pride. Bader boys are straight gentlemen. Now, this is the definition from the Bader Boy that was on this particular podcast. So if it's wrong or off, don't come for me. It just means that I was misinformed. It was fake news. But being your mama, I definitely did some research. You know, Google. And do yourself a favor. If you're looking for a giggle, don't do it at work. Yeah, make sure it's on doing on your phone. Go and um look up beta boys. Pause now, look, and then come back. I'll be here. Bader boys are straight gentlemen who like to hang out and beat off together. It's a thing they do not believe that they are gay men. And this particular person was saying that he does not identify as anything outside of straight. Now, first of all, we know we love our gay people. If you're gay, get it like whatever, whatever. Straight, quote unquote, men getting together to have a whack. Sounds a little gay. It sounds actually it sounds a lot of gay. It sounds incredibly homoerotic, I believe some people might say. I've never, and I've had some pretty, you know, shit face nights out with the ladies. I've never been like, girls, I got an idea. Let's uh pull our skirts up right now and start clapping our clam. Um, and if you women are doing that, shout the fuck out. That's very uh forward thinking. Now, are you straight bitches in that instance? Anyways, this isn't about women, this is about men, this is about supposedly heterosexual men that are getting together to have a wank with their bros. Hence beta bros. And from what I've heard, according to the podcast guest, he apparently linked up with some friends. The host is like, so how do you get into this? And he's like, Oh, you know, some dudes at work. So, what?

unknown 5:15

Huh?

SPEAKER_00 5:16

Who I had a very long, long, long, long 20-year corporate career. And let me tell you something. I had male friends, female friends, all kinds of friends, different interests, different lifestyles, each to their own. But I never heard through the grapevine, nor was I ever invited to partake. And yeah, I don't know, rocking up with the bitches so that I can whittle one out. I just think that it is very gay for a man to go sit next to another man and be like, yo, you wanna pull it out? It's giving what was that movie with Brokeback Mountain? It's giving Brokeback Mountain. I don't care how heterosexual a man is saying he is, if you're going over and having a a hug and tug, that's not straight. And you know, I discussed this with my husband before I came to share this week's knowledge, this week's the beady beady classic of the week, beter bros are not straight. And when I was discussing this with my husband, who is the hyper straight man of ever, his response was simply if a dude, uh you know, somebody went up to a straight guy and said, Hey, you want to go over here and squeeze one out, they probably get punched. And I'm not a condoning violence, and I don't, and that's very like I would tell, like, please, like, my husband's 14 years younger than me, so it's it's coming from a different place. But nevertheless, that was the interview that I had with a heterosexual man prior to coming to record the episode. I just think that if you are holding an event or having some kind of a party and you're calling it a hug and tug, that is not straight. Men, straight men do not hug and tug. Right? You're not like, hey, Jeremy, do you want to come over after work and we'll have a couple Budweisers and then hug and tug? I don't think so. I have a very hard time. And the thing is, I know it happens because I listen to the dude telling me all about it on the podcast. So they watch the porn that they like, right? So, oh, hey, did you see this? Oh, blah, blah, blah. And then they just, and it's many. I mean, it's not just like Steve and Jack, it's like Steve, Jack, Harry, Larry, Edward. Do you know what I'm saying? They're all together. And they're other friends, and like 20 other people, apparently. So it's seemingly a bunch of, you know, gay men having a circle jerk, but apparently, it is actually straight men who are beta bros, which also sounds very gay to me. But, and this is obviously like I love my gay family. Get the fuck out of here. Just because I do a podcast for straight women doesn't mean that I don't have like, please, my clique, my besties, my crew, my fascinistas. And I haven't asked any of them about it, but I will. I will, and I'll get back to y'all because this was the first I have ever heard of this. You know what? We do have a text link with this. We have like you can leave a message link. So if any of y'all have had experiences or heard of Bader Bros, I need to know about it. Click the link, leave the message. How would you feel? What happens when your man comes up to you and he's like, hey, babe, me and the beta bros are just gonna get some pizza and watch porn later. I'm so like, how does one respond to that? I am going to sound raw sist saying this, but I have to say that if my husband came to tell me he was going over his friend Tommy's house to jerk off together, I would think it was very gay. And then I would have to divorce him because I want to be married to a straight person. And as we've discussed on other episodes, straight men are impossible to find. I do believe I referred to them as dinosaur fossils in one of the other episodes. And I feel like the Bader brothers, the Bader brothers, the bros, it's the bros. It's not brothers, okay? That sounds gay. The Bader Bros. I don't want to make it sound all incestary or anything on top of everything else. They seem to believe that they're not being sexually turned on by each other. They're looking at it like we're just having a beer with my dick in my hand. And maybe his dick in my hand. Because apparently, I didn't hear anything. I feel like if you suck someone's dick, it goes a little bit too far. I was advised via the podcast that sometimes you could be like with your beter bro, oh, yeah, and they share girlfriends, so it's like, you want to fuck my bra. So the gayest that this guy has ever gotten was when he told his beter bro that he could bang his girlfriend, and then they all started going at it, and whatever happened there is their business, but he reckons that it was gotta be gay. That's what he said. Those were his words, not mine. So I'll take his word for it, but I'm going to actually continue on that thought and be like, brother, I have a very hard time believing that if you're having a threesome with another dude and your girl, and then you start making out with said dude. I mean, can't you just be bi? Why just be bi and live your life? I mean, I'm not saying that you have to label yourself. People can be whatever the I trust me, I'm not a label person. We know this already. I'm just like, be who you are, be beautiful, don't box yourself in, whatever. But also don't make a big bloody deal about it. Don't make it such a like such a thing. Like, there's like a Bader Bros Instagram page. I feel like that's extra. Do we need one? Would we be could we sleep tonight if there wasn't one? Would women have more confidence in men ever being heterosexual if there was not a Bader Brothers Instagram ad flying through here? Or bros, bros. I gotta stop to stop take the formality out. It's the beta bros. See, there's no beter hoes. It's not like, oh, Jenny, do you want to come over today and I'm gonna clap my clam? You can too. No. Girls don't do that. I mean, maybe they do. If they did, I feel like people would be like, oh, hooray, lesbians. That's kind of what I think. Again, I'll probably get rung out for that, but I never said that this was the most politically correct podcast, people. It's just here for entertainment purposes and to warn you that your allegedly straight boyfriend andor husband andor other kind of domestic partner might come home one day with a beter bro. So if you walk in the room and him and some dude are beating each other's meat, don't jump to conclusions. They're probably straight just having a better bro mo. You know what I'm saying? I want beta bro to be my merch somehow. I'm gonna discuss that with my husband. He's good with graphics. But yeah, I um I'm very interested to hear someone else's thoughts. No one that I have raised this with has heard of the said beta bros. I just hope that I'm not being misunderstood right now. Because I'm not saying it in a mean way. I'm not saying, oh, they're being gay like it's bad. It's like right on, you're being very gay. Maybe you're bi, but you're not straight. I don't I don't think that straight men sit around and have a poll together with other straight men. I think he said his click was normally like three or four. When does it become an orgy? When does it get weird? What size room are you in and how much furniture is there? Is another question. Is another question I would like to know. Actually, what I really want to know is how the fuck you linked up with these dudes at work. I was dying to know that. What was it? Someone had a semi at the water cooler one day, and you were like, hey, Paul, you want to go have a heterosexual masturbating session after work today? I used to get martinis with my friends sometimes, but you know what? Each to their own. You are free to do whatever you like, and this is to all. Actually, there's no, I hope there better not be any beter bros listening to this woman's podcast. This is not for you. Bitch, don't be dumb. This is for straight women to be warned and aware that there are packs of men running around stroking themselves together, telling everyone that they're straight. So just keep it in mind when you go on your next Tinder date. Or keep it in mind when you see like a pack of three or four dudes collecting at the copy machines whispering in each other's ears. Because they might be bad bros, and that's okay. We're not judging them. Judge free zone. Judge free zone. I guess because there's so many like gay and bi and straight and trans and pan and this, and there's like so many things, they're like, we're just the fucking beta bros, dude. Like, we just drink bud and beat it together. What's the problem? And they don't always watch porn. Sometimes they just like pull it out and talk about their day and shit. I mean it sounds romantic. It just I'm just saying that it sounds a little bit more intimate than maybe the Bader Bros want to let us know. Or yeah, want to let us know. Want to let us onto latas, beaties. These fucking dudes, yo, their dicks are out of control. It's dicks gone wild. Bader brothers, I really feel are are yeah, dicks gone wild. They have no control anymore. They're like magnets, they're just flying out, snaking toward each other at the water cooler in the fucking yeah, corporate headquarters. Dudes are gross a lot of the time and weird. Okay, never forget, ladies, that men are weird. And to my other boy moms, babies, you keep raising these boys so they're not weird. You keep raising them so they're not beta boys. And I will say that. Because you know that there's six people listening right now, like, if Kenny wants to grow up and be a better boy, it's fucked. I'm not gonna judge him. Kenny's fucking weirdo. And um from what I've seen, there's a couple other dudes that are with it. But yeah, um hold on to your boyfriends. I am very happy that I'm in a monogamous relationship with someone who I'm confident is a thousand percent heterosexual. Rare, rare gem, dinosaur bone vibes, and you know, all those things. So if you are lucky enough to have a very straight man, congratulations, bitch. I hope you do. Beaties, beaties, I hope you've all got hot, I mean either sexy girlfriends get it, or you know, hot masculine heterosexual dudes that just want to like fuck your pussy and keep you happy. Because we deserve that. Don't we, bitches? Don't we, beaties? I think we do. So this week's bitch don't be dumb is when you walk in the room and everybody's excuse me, everybody being your boyfriend and his three dude best friends all jump up off the couch and start rackling their fucking belt buckles and pulling their flies up. Just think about it more next time. They're not changing into their gym clothes. Even though they'll tell you that it's not true. Oh, we're just gonna do some washing. Uh I'm sure you were. I'm sure you. And yeah, like and then what happens? They just like get a tissue and move on. The podcast didn't get that graphic. I would have. If I was interviewing someone, I'd be like, so then you ejaculate, and then what happens? But I'm that bitch. That's just me. But nope, there was never the only closure that I got was when him and his not gay friend made out while he was banging his girlfriend, or whatever happened, or whatever went down on that lovely evening or morning or or whenever the party was. But, anyways, that was what I learned this week. Sorry I was late again. Well, not late again. This is the first time I'm late, but sorry again for being late, bitches. But yeah, life gets us sometimes, right? Damn, like first I had to get my head around the Bader voice. I'm listening to this while I'm making dinner. I'm like, what the fuck is going on right now? And then I had to do packing. So if my voice sounds like it's bouncing off the walls this week, it's because it is because I'm moving to a new apartment. Apartment. Woo! I'm very excited to be moving into a brand new apartment. I've been in this rental house here for a year and it fucking sucks. I don't belong in houses. It's strange that I ended up in one. I just want to get back in an apartment where things are normal. Thank you. I hope you ladies have a rest of a wonderful week. I hope your week started off wonderful and continues to be wonderful. For all of my New England people, fuck the bullshit. You know exactly what I'm talking about right now. We're done with February. February came in very gentle. I remember if you listen to the early month beaties. Of February. We were talking Valentine's Day. We were giving end of winter vibes. It was wrapping up time. But you know what? Now it's fucking over at time. So I hope that if you're in New England, you stay warm everywhere else, stay cool. I love y'all. Don't drop it, don't stop it. And I will talk to you next Wednesday.