Bitch, That’s Not Perimenopause

Bitch, That’s Not Perimenopause

Everyone on the internet suddenly has perimenopause.
Bad mood? Hormones.
Can’t sleep? Hormones.
Your life is chaotic? …still hormones.

Let’s get one thing straight — the perimenopause panic industry around it is out of control.

Ladies, stop letting a profession built by men define your body.

This episode breaks down how a normal biological transition got turned into a personality, a diagnosis, and a business model. From TikTok self-diagnoses to supplement scams and hormone hysteria, we’re calling it what it is:

Perimenopause is a term built to oppress and make women second guess.
Sometimes you’re tired.
Sometimes your life is messy.
Sometimes… you’re just human.

Stop outsourcing your entire existence to your ovaries.

Music by Nathan Wills.

Transcript

SPEAKER_01 0:00

You're tuned in to BD BD. Bitch, don't be dumb. I'm your mama. No daddy's allowed.

SPEAKER_00 0:17

Beadies. Beaties. Hello. Hello listeners. Welcome to episode 18 of The Bitch Don't Be Dumb podcast.

SPEAKER_01 0:35

Don't drop it, don't stop it. This is a podcast for biological women. Real-ass women. Women that were born with vaginas and ovaries and continue to be one of the most oppressed groups of human creatures roaming earth. This is our space. I'm Big Mama. Oh, excuse me. I'm yo mama. I'm your mama in the streets. Yo mama joining you for episode 18 of the Bitch Don't Be Dumb podcast. Once again in the streets. If you didn't catch up last week, I have relocated 12 miles outside of my motherland of Manhattan, trying to get a little bit of more greenery for my children. And I am joining you from the streets of New Jersey. Here I am. Let's get it done this week. Ladies, buckle up because we're going to talk about something made up by men to further oppress us. That's right. I said what I said. I am tired of male doctors, male theories, male textbooks, articles, whatever, telling me about my body. And what I'm even more frustrated with is watching women guzzle that shit down and believe that they are being fed the truth because they read it on the interweb or because some dude made up a term and now you have to peg your life with it to try to solve your problems. Perimenopause. Let's talk about perimenopause. First of all, if you have not heard this term, good for fucking you. Because I had like seen it getting thrown around, and Yo mama is not somebody that is scared of the clock, ladies, and you shouldn't be either age gracefully. Say it with me. Every year is a gift, every breath is a present. Even when your life is fucked, like mine is right now. I still understand that I'm alive. I'm vibing. I am doing the best I motherfucking can, being the best bitch that I can, because that's how we ride, beaties. That's how the bitch don't be dumb click rocks out with grace, with style, and motherfucking grace. And what I don't do is sit around wondering how many more egg rotations do I have? How many more periods am I gonna get? What kind of chemistry can I blame my actual problems on? And to my understanding, that brings us to perimetopause. So now, in addition to society telling you that once you enter menopause, your life is over, when in reality you should get a fucking trophy. Let's face it, if you get to the point of going through menopause, congratulations latians. First of all, I can't wait to be able to fuck my husband and not have to worry about getting pregos. Can we talk about that? Can we talk about the biggest benefit? When I was actually a young mama, and people were floating around the idea of menopause, that was really what I thought to myself. I'm like, you know what? If I don't get my period and I get to have sex with my man all the time, that doesn't really sound that bad to me. Honestly. And as far as the hormone, oh my hormones are this, my estrogen is this, my progesterone, knock it off, bitch. Stop blaming your body chemistry for what's going on with your perspective. Right? Because guess what? Your fucking body chemistry changes every goddamn day. Even far before. From girl, from when you're born, you got chemicals going on in your body. Chemistry, chemistry, and you know what that does? It makes you who the fuck you are. So don't tell. Or excuse me. Don't let anyone tell. Do not let anyone tell you that your body chemistry boxes you in to some sort of oppressed group of women whose life is basically over. So they beat us with menopause. Right in the 90s, that's when that really came to the forefront of conversation, and everybody started to say, Oh, you know what these women's problems are? Their problem is they're going through menopause. No, the problem is they probably lived a long life and are fed the fuck up with being oppressed. Because after a while, it gets very tedious. Age discrimination is real. As much as there is beautiful elements to aging, wonderful ones, it's like anything else. There's shit ones. I got news for you. There's great elements of when you're young, but there's also really fucking shit ones. No one takes you seriously, you have no life experience, you're probably broke. Although I'm fucking still broke, I've always been broke. Nevertheless, some things ebb and flow, such as your hormones. So I feel like once they beat menopause into women to the point where women are like, oh fuck, I'm gonna age. What do I do? Uh live your fucking life, embrace it, and balance yourself in a way that's gonna get you through. But then once everybody was kind of okay with that and they thought, okay, menopause, it's gonna come at some point. I don't know when. As soon as women got somewhat comfortable and real about that, then here comes the white man media. Oh no, you have to be very worried about perimenopause because that's gonna come 10 years before menopause and still fuck you. It's gonna fuck you even worse. It's gonna fuck you so bad that blah blah blah, etc. etc. Let me tell you something. Honestly, outside of like seeing a random bitch go floating by one of my feeds, like where I'm perimenopausal. I can't sleep. Someone help me. Bitch, I can't sleep because I got fucking about five thousand dollars to my name, and I'm raising two little kids. I have no clue what I'm gonna do. That's why I can't sleep. I'm 47 years old. I wish I could blame my hormones. No, I don't, that's not really true. I would never blame my fucking hormones. Do you know what I was doing in my 40s? Having kids. Why is it that we're expected to fucking drink this Kool-Aid and be like, oh, you're totally right. By the time I'm fucking 40, I gotta get ready because one day I'm not gonna get my period anymore. And since I'm perimetapausal, that's gonna give me all these symptoms that are gonna basically run me down and destroy me in preparation for menopause, which will ruin my life. This is not true, ladies. This is a pile of fucking bullshit. And no offense, let me tell you something. If you are like, bitch, yo mama, I am in it right now, I'm going through it. How can you say that? Look, if you find yourself with certain symptoms and it makes you feel better to put yourself in some kind of umbrella so you don't feel alone, I guess, right? It's like, man, I feel shit. I don't want to fuck anymore. All I want to do is sleep. I must be paramenopausal. Bitch, maybe you just need a drink. Maybe you need a THC seltzer. Maybe you need to find a new hobby, go to the gym, walk your dog, get your shit together. What you need to do is get your shit together. Because guess what? Life in general, doesn't matter what age you're at, doesn't matter if you're young, doesn't matter if you're older, it's gonna kick your ass 99.9% of the time. I understand that we live in a time where fake shit is just shoved down everyone's throat. It's fucking terrifying. Um, I am one of those old school hoes that is like, mmm, my love-hate relationship with the interweb is real. I'm a 50-50 bitch, right? Let's talk about that. So I firmly do believe people say it's cliche. I say it's yin yang, motherfucker. It is night, day, dark, light, all of those things. And I personally believe heavily everything is 50-50, mate. Your relationship is 50-50, no matter what the fuck you want to tell somebody, your perspective, your moods, half the time they'll probably be good, and then the other half the time they'll be fucking shit. And the realer that you are, I think, about accepting this, the nicer it is to go through the cycles. Because realistically, we're always learning something. You're going through something, you're learning something, and at the end of the day, all you have is yourself and the Lord. You're born alone and you die alone, and that's how it is. When you're on this planet, you need to take care of yourself. Self-love, self-care, self-awareness, ladies, self-awareness. So, in being self-aware, know yourself, know your moods, understand what's really impacting you and influencing you. And I don't personally believe that that means I have to go digging through AI or the Google or whatever the fuck you're looking in to find what the fuck your problem is. And I'm certainly not going to listen to medical advice, which historically going back to Greece, going back to the ancient times, dudes are sitting in the seat. Dudes are sitting in the seat. So, do your hormones go up and down, drop, shift, twist? Yeah, for sure. Does it affect you? Absolutely. Look, let me tell you something. Like I said, my babies came, I spit my first one out when I was fucking 43, and I had my second baby when I was 44. True story. Or 42 and 44, anyways, around that time. My hormones were fucking chalk or block, they were wild, but I wasn't digging through books to say, gee, why is it taking me a minute to feel like myself? Why am I settling back into my normal life? Because I just had fucking two babies crawl out of my crutch. That's why. Pretty much why. So I don't understand why I would have to be like, oh, I know why. It's because all my fucking estrogens are fucked up and my life is ruined because I have kids and I'm 45, so I'm perimetapausal. No. No. Stop saying. Wait, I'm gonna digress because I'm watching this herd of deer. Like, I'm telling you, nine deer just crossed the street in front of me on the crosswalk too, which was pretty funny. Fucking New Jersey, mate. Never lived here before. It's uh it's a new experience. Anyways, when people tell you that you feel a certain way because Dr. Walter in 1876 did a fucking research report about how your body changes as you age. Fuck that dude. Seriously, your body changes differently than anyone else's. No two women are the same. Let's say that together. No two women are the same. So, as I was ranting about in my Your Eggs Aren't Rotten episode, if you haven't heard the Your Eggs Aren't Rotten episode, please go back and listen. We're sitting in similar seats with this one, but realistically speaking, I feel that I am trying to run an empowering podcast for women, and in part of that, fuck peri menopause. It's like fair enough. Once upon a time, bitches stopped bleeding, and so people were like, We're gonna call that menopause. Sure, give it a name, then if that does happen to you, it's the same as like quote unquote getting your period, which is such a gross fucking term, menstruation, anyways. We have to have words to describe something. Okay, fair enough. Leave it at that. You don't need to get into oh, you're gonna get heat flashes, and you're not gonna be able to sleep, and you're not gonna want to have fuck. You're not gonna wanna have fuck. Oh man, good morning, ladies. It's about seven o'clock in the morning right now. What time is it by you? Anyways, you're not gonna want to have sex, and your pussy's gonna dry up, and you're gonna be a cunt. No, I'm not. None of those things are actually going to be true, and I can speak from experience because I'm fucking 47. I'll be 48 in September. Therefore, I'm supposed to be prime target for this shit, right? First of all, I wasn't allowed to have babies naturally. Well, bang, did that one, knocked that out of the park. I wasn't even fucking trying. Now, I'm supposed to be getting ready for the day that my pussy stops bleeding. Man, my pussy has bled enough. Bring on menopause, bring it on, and you know how you get through these things? We have something called, get ready for it. It's called a brain, right, ladies. We are prepared because even though society likes to treat us like we don't have a brain, because that's very extremely true, even living in a country that is as forward-thinking and progressive as the United States. Women have no fucking rights. If we did, we wouldn't be being human-trafficked, we wouldn't be not getting job opportunities because of various discriminations. Discrimination. That is true, and perimenopause is just another way to discriminate against women, to remind the world that we're not allowed to age, and I honestly have a very difficult time understanding. I mean, Lord knows I'd embrace enough shit. What the fuck? Never, I would never accept any kind of bullshit statement of that merit. It's a fucking joke. What about the dudes? Why don't we talk about the guys? Why don't they have penis paws where your dick stops working and it only fucking flaps to the left? Oh, because he could just go out and take a fucking Viagra and then knock some 17-year-old up so he feels more fucking, I don't know, legit. Man, men are disgusting. I hope they're also beautiful. There's the 50-50. That's a really good example for 50-50. I would like to be like, oh no, it's not, it's 20% good, 70% scumbags, but that's just not true. I will even throw it to the dudes. Men are 50% good and 50% fucking useless. The only good man I've ever known in my life is my father, and that's the truth. I hate to be that bitch, but that's really what's going on. So I have yet to really find somebody of that caliber. But because I was raised by somebody so sharp and caring and intelligent, understanding, etc. etc. I know the most important thing that a woman needs to do is think for yourself. Think for yourself. Don't let society define what your hormones mean in your body. And then what do you do? Oh, your estrogen's low. Oh, I better go in and get some fucking somebody to pump up my estrogen so I can make a standard that I don't even know what feels like. I've just convinced myself that low estrogen means I'm supposed to be fucked. Like, I will tell you, most of well, not most of them, all of the men that make up these theories have never had a fucking period in their goddamn life. And then, of course, the females, we weren't really allowed to read until like 200 years after them. And then once we were, what books were we reading? Oh, we were reading the books that wait for it that these dudes wrote. Going to school studying to meet a standard of medicine. And if you have, congratulations, bitch. Like we were talking last week, smart bitches study. Shout out to the doctor bitches, the physician bitches, nurse bitches, all y'all that are in the medical field, shout motherfucking out, because that's difficult. Alas, know your fucking resources and still think for yourself. Because there's no such thing, in my humble opinion, as reading a book that's gonna tell you how to serve every single woman's health. It's just not fucking possible, mate. It's just not possible. Women are different. We are delicate flowers, and nobody should be able to put you in a bucket. So the next time that you know you feel a little bit warm, you can't sleep, maybe your hormones are doing the fucking tango. Your hormones are fucked up, they're doing the cha cha. All you want to do is fucking eat ice cream and stare at YouTube. I mean, everybody has those fucking days. Although I don't because I hate YouTube and I really don't I try not to consume much uh you know, television media things. I like podcasts. I prefer to listen to someone's perspective. Anyways, whatever does it for you. One day, some days I would just want to fucking eat three gallons of ice cream and listen to podcasts all day. And I don't want to do anything else. I don't want to get up, I don't want to fucking shower, I don't want to shave my armpits, I don't want to brush my teeth. I said we have those days. Everyone has those days. So instead of being shamed about those days, instead of being, oh, this bitch is getting old, she doesn't feel like going outside today and fucking doing backflips down the sidewalk to entertain all of us men. She must be perimetapausal. Samantha doesn't feel like sucking my dick today, and she seems like she's a little bit crabby. She must be perimetapausal. Um, Rachel just called me a cunt after I was incredibly rude to her, slammed the door in my face, and burned out of my driveway, said David. She must be perimetapausal. Now, women are going through what they go through. It just so happens that age discrimination has become a fucking spectator sport. So why you get written off when you turn 30, right? Or 35, it's just like you know, start digging the hole that you're gonna climb in one day because you don't because you don't really have anything to offer the male species as they like to peg it. And these are not my beliefs, these are systematic, and that's why I don't watch anything, that's why I don't consume media or very little, and I really try to protect my children from it because the ideas and the notions and the shit that's genuinely shoved in your face is fucking cray cray. Cray cray. It's corporations thinking, what can I suck these people into to take money out of their pockets? How about perimetopause? Because menopause doesn't come, man, some bitches don't even go to menopause until they're like fucking 70 years old. Like seriously, menopauses again, women are not the same. Say it, beadies, women, you're not the same. We are not the same. So nobody can define your health journey. They're not gonna fucking do it. You know what's going to your soul, sister.

SPEAKER_00 21:57

I said what I said.

SPEAKER_01 22:00

Your soul, your mind, perspective. Am I anti-biology? Do I think that biology does not exist? Of course not. Biology is a concept, the same as spirituality is a concept, the same as your attitude and perspective is a fucking concept. So keep these things in mind the next time someone tries to tell you that you're perimetapausal because you gained four pounds and don't feel like fucking that day. Or the next time you can't sleep because you're stressed. Yeah, let's. Ladies, I don't want this to be a boohoo podcast, but I also like to share some elements of my life so that you know I'm one of y'all. I'm going through the gigs. This is not a podcast for fucking nepotites. This isn't a podcast for loaded ass bitches that are sailing on their yachts waiting to go to the fucking Grand Prix next year. Nah. This podcast is for the real ones. Because we might not be a majority, but I feel like there's still enough of us that require a safe space to share and to kumbaya and to you know hold our digital hands and raise our digital glasses and get through the chaos together. So I am in a terrible position at the moment. I can't blame anybody except for myself, but I'm going through an absolute financial catastrophe. So I had a good run. Again, I'm 47. I've never taken a dollar from anybody. Everyone wants to think, because I've been married all these times, that those dudes did anything for me. Give me a fucking break. Why do you think I left them all? I'm tired. I'm tired, ladies, of supporting everybody. But, anyways, while I was making it rain for everyone and taking care of everybody else, I put myself in a tremendously difficult situation. And what sucks is I have these two beautiful children now who are the highlight of my life, who are the best thing in the world. Which I will do an episode about the whole like anti-having kids to having kids because that's some fucking woman shit that happens a lot. Anyways, my point is this: I was so sick all week. I've never been sick like that before. My stomach's all fucked up. I'm literally like shitting my brains out. I fucking either am starving myself or stuffing my face. I drank a fucking bottle of gym bean and I don't even drink bourbon. Um, I had a little bit of a fucked up week trying to deal with my life. And when I was all over the place and having to consistently recenter myself, and mind you, I'm married, I've got a husband, because you know there's a bitch in the back, like she has kids, how's she doing that? You know how I'm doing that? I'm sending my husband out to the playground with my motherfucking kids. That's how I'm doing it, that's how I get my crazy time, not in front of my children. But the thing is, nowhere in this journey of chaos that I'm currently navigating and praying, say prayer for your mama, ladies, because it's rough right now for me. But nowhere when I'm going through this have I turned around and been like, oh, it's my hormones. I can't take it. I'm all over the place because you know I must be imbalanced now. Oh, I'm imbalanced. My fucking checkbook is imbalanced, my pills are imbalanced. That's what's getting me in trouble. Not my hormones, not my body chemistry, not because I'm 47 and my eggs are drying out. Although I really do hope they're fucking drying out. That'll be a great episode, ladies. I'll make sure to tell you when my period finally stops coming, I will dance for joy and do a special episode. It might not even be a Wednesday, and I'll still shoot one out, ladies. I will fire one off. Enjoy. Enjoy. But the thing is this some bitches will be like, Oh, how did I get myself into this situation? What happened to me? It must be because I'm not I'm cloudy. My mind is cloudy because I'm perimenopausal. I'm not thinking clear bitch, don't be dumb. You are in charge of your life, you run your body. There are exceptions to every rule because I know that there's bitches listening. I was born anemic, I was born this. Oh bitch. This is a broader general statement to what I believe to be the majority of women whose bodies are fine and normal. Just as the men's bodies are nine out of ten times fine and normal. Don't let the internet terrify you into thinking that your body is falling apart and your pussy's drying up, right? Your pussy's not drying up. It's fine. The next time someone mentions perimedopause, and I hope they're not. I feel like it's a growing trend. I feel like it's still getting legs, it's not entirely there yet, but it's coming. Because, like I said, women finally got comfortable with menopause and the perspective changed, right? And it turned from, oh, you're, you know, you're dying, to oh, you are a fucking warrior goddess because you have lived all of these years, you have come all of this way, and you're still kicking goals, bitch. And they're like, oh no, no, no, you can't feel good about that as a woman. So we're going to say that you're perimetapausal, so you go and lock yourself up and cry yourself to sleep. Don't do it, ladies. That's the message. That is the message of the shut the fuck up perimetapause episode. Stop telling women how their bodies work. Stop oppressing us. Stop saying we have dry pussies. Stop thinking that you are qualified to tell me about my body, my feelings, my womanhood, for god's sakes. Women are complicated creatures. You damn fucking straight we are. I don't sleep. Don't let anyone define your body, ladies. That's the message. I'm your mama. I love all y'all. Thank you for listening. Thank you for coming every week. It's really exciting. I got over 300 episodes last week. Or excuse me, 300 out.