Cute Bitches Bounce

Cute bitches bounce.

Not later. Not after you beg. Not after you overthink.

Early.

If it feels off, it is.
If you’re confused, that’s your answer.

No chasing. No explaining. No waiting.

You bounce.

Music by Nathan Wills.

Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:00

Your tune is to PDP D. It don't be dumb. I'm your mama. No daddy's allowed. It's Wednesday. Ladies, lovers, joiners of the bitch do not be dumb podcast. Beebe beadie. As we like to say, this is your host, your mama. You are the clique, the beaties. The bitch don't be dumbs, because there's no dumb bitches here, right? None. There are no dumb bitches in this podcast. This is our little special corner of the interweb where we discuss weekly uh perspectives on ways to either not be dumb or be less dumb. We cut through the bullshit. We say what all the other bitches are too scared to say. That's right. This is bitch, don't be dumb. I'm joining you from the streets of northern New Jersey. This chilly Wednesday morning for my friends in New England. We are over it. We are done. My New York people, my New England people, my Connecticut people, we've had enough. So shout out to everybody in the rest of the country that's not fucking freezing. But, anyways, winter this year was a cunt. Moving on, how was your week, ladies? What are you doing? Are you getting in trouble? Are you staying out of trouble? Are you doing a little bit of both? I find that a healthy balance of a little bit of both is normally a pretty good idea. Yesterday, I had a THC seltzer with 50 milligrams of THC in it. It's a bit too much. I'm not gonna lie. So, you know, state laws change. I am a New Yorker. You are all aware that I am Manhattan captain, but when my life was breaking down over the last 18 months, I've been everywhere. I was in Australia, I was in Connecticut, I was back in Australia, I was in New York City, back to Connecticut, New York, anyways. Here I am in Jersey, joining you to talk about this week's topic, which is called Cute Bitches Bounce. That's right, ladies. Cute bitches bounce. How many of us have stayed in relationships we don't belong in? Put your hand up. Put your hand up, bitches. All the beadies can see you. It's a vibe right now. My hand is up. My hand just went up because that again is our digital union, our kumbaya. How many bitches have stayed in a relationship too long? And you never have, you're either a lying bitch or a lucky bitch. So either or use them selectively. Anyways, I, for one, have definitely stayed in relationships for too long. Actually, to be completely transparent, I really only stayed in one relationship for too long. But it was very long when I had my first husband, because for the new BDs just joining us, your mama has had four husbands. They've all been useless. I've supported them all, haven't got a dollar out of anybody, just to make that clear. No, I'm not a sugar mama, I'm a broke bitch like everybody else. I've just had bad luck with fucking lazy ass dudes. Anyways, once upon a time, when I married my first husband, I was in a very interesting situation. So, like we all know, I ran away in the middle of the night when I was 21 years old, had 2,000 bucks in my pocket. I ended up in Manhattan, obviously, because Manhattan is my my womb cocoon, as we'll call it. But then something very interesting happened, and I ended up in Australia. That'll be another episode one day. So now I'm in Australia and we fall in love. I'm 23 at this point, and I get married. I deadass, I'm like, fuck the bullshit. I don't want to be in the dick field. I'm not interested in dating, because I'm really not. Make him commit to your ass, ladies. Look, if you're in the field, because trust me, after my post-marriage vision, which we'll get to, I definitely dated, and I definitely wanted to date, and there wasn't really any essence of having to leave because I was never really there. I was out, you know what I'm saying? Dudes used to think it was funny because I never slept in anyone's house. I'm not sleeping in your apartment. What are you crazy? I'm going home. Anyways, cute bitches bounce. Men will try to manipulate you and make you feel like you have to stay longer than you should, make you feel like you need them. This isn't necessarily what happened to me. So getting back to your mama's story time. So now I'm married to this dude in Australia. Very attractive bloke. I'm not gonna lie. He was a looker. Not that you should only date somebody or be with someone on looks, it just so happened that this person was exceptionally attractive, which actually was so good looking that made me think he was batting for the other team, particularly since when I moved in with a share house with him. We lived in Collingwood, Australia, and it was me, this dude, some bisexual weirdo, and then like four gay guys. And and I said the bisexual was weirdo because I think he was just a straight guy. I think he was a beter boy. I think he was I actually think he was more of a beter boy than being bisexual. But anyways, I digress. So now I'm in this relationship and I'm head over heels with my hot Australian model boyfriend scientist, you know. I'm like, this is the bomb. And then wouldn't you know, shortly after, I'm talking like maybe two or three years into the relationship, or less, probably two years into the relationship, he decides that he's not gonna fuck. He decides that all of a sudden sex becomes something that he's going to control. Sex is not something that either person controls. If a dude tries to control how often you're getting dicked down, bounce. If you don't have a healthy relationship, a balanced understanding of when it's time to fuck, then you need to leave. So, anyways, I have no family, as you all are aware. I'm estranged from my family, hence I left the house in the middle of the night. Now I'm married to this dude in fucking Australia. I'm 25 years old. What the fuck am I gonna do? You know what I decided to do? In the name of episode 17, I believe it was number 17, we're getting up there, ladies. In the name of episode 17, I decided to motherfucking study. Because smart bitches study. So, I'm like, well, I'm stranded in Australia. I can't do anything, I have nowhere to go. This dude's paying half my rent, the only time in my life. And that was the other reason why I felt a bit trapped. Because he was paying half the rent. Don't get me wrong, ladies. He was not paying all of my rent, he was not my bread and butter, he was not my or anything in that regard. I was still working, I was still figuring it out, I was still very young, and so that's why I decided to get a master's degree. I'm like, huh, if this dude's gonna try to ruin my fucking life, because I knew the relationship was over. And here's the thing a lot of the time, you know the relationship is over, bitch. Again, how many times have you known, even if it's just in like the quietest, most secret corner of your mind, you're not telling anyone, you're not telling the group chat, you're not telling your sisters, you're not telling your friends, your mama, you're not telling anybody. You're keeping it to yourself because you feel disappointment, shame, fear, all these things. Guilt sometimes, you don't want to just be dropping this dude in his face, even though he's not doing anything for you. So you keep these things internal, and that's pretty much what I did. I shut my fucking mouth, and the weird thing was, I'll well actually, I know exactly what was going on, so stay tuned, bitches. Keep listening because I'll tell you what the fucking problem was. But as far as I was concerned, I was hot, horny, fucking driven, all the things I am now, baby. This is your mama. I was the same bitch. I was the same bitch. I was trying to do anything and everything was dude. He's like, Oh, let's do martial arts. I fucking learned Shaolin Kung Fu for like five years. I was a hot bitch. I've never been in such best shape in my life. But nevertheless, regardless of like the fakedom, it was over. He even went out and got a job in a lab because he was a scientist to work the exact opposite hours as me. So here I am in Australia. I have no family, I have no friends, pretty much the story of my life, but now I'm in another country. And you know, mama had to figure out what the fuck I was gonna do. So because I was studying, because he was working an opposite schedule, because the whole thing was such a fucking joke, and I was a busy bitch, I stayed with him. I stayed with him. I'm talking for like another four years. That's a long time to stay with somebody when you know something is over, especially in those years of your life. So I have no regrets, and that's the truth, and neither should you say it with me, BDs. No regrets. We do not have any regrets, we do not feel bad about our decisions. We understand that we're living on God's clock, and our job as women, as woe men, as biologically born females, is to listen to our intuition. Because your intuition will never fucking fail you. That is on God. Alas, sometimes, especially in our younger years, right? Like trying to figure it out, and again, we're fucking people pleasers. Even if you don't think you're a people pleaser, even all these bitches walk around. I hate people, I'm not pleasing anybody. Blah blah blah blah. I got news for you. It's part of your biology, unfortunately. Well, you were back in the cave after we crawled out of the sea, after we walked out of Lord's garden, however, you want to look at your history. We were fucking farming. We were going out to forage, bitches. We were taking care of babies, we were taking care of our dudes after they dragged a carcass home for us to fucking make boots from. We were doing all kinds of shit like that. So, we couldn't leave. Where the fuck were we going back then? You're gonna leave your pack of 300 and be like, you know, this dude dragged me by my hair from fucking Scottsdale, but this guy's gonna drag me to Los Angeles. I'm out. Now, that's not how it worked. You had to stay in your pack, in your group, and unfortunately, history repeats itself, and weird chemicals in your head, strange lady bits that make us women. Sadly, even if I'm the most independent bitch you will ever meet, put it on my grave, mark it on my grave, and I still stayed with men for too long. Now, I'll validate it to myself because I'll be like, well, I was using him for rent because I was paying for college, and so I really needed somebody to pay half my rent. And at that point, I mean, again, listen to the clap your clam episode, right? Clap your flaps, clap your clam, call it how you want to call it. You don't need a man to come, and so my masturbation game was strong, my money game got stronger the more that I studied, the more that I worked. I got my degree, landed a six-figure job, and told that dude to fucking peace out. And I fucked somebody in the living room on the floor the night before I left. Touche. Him, on the other hand, this man, boy, child, because at this point, well, we weren't really children anymore, so I married him when I was 23, and I was out by the time I was 30. The relationship was over. I think it formalized when I was 31, but anyways, it was done, and then that's when I moved to Manhattan. This is a bit of history about your mama. So I definitely stayed in that relationship for too long. I can validate to myself why I did, which I'm sure a lot of you can as well. You know, there's the Yo Mama hotline, none of you bitches ring me. If you go to Buzz Sprout, you can hit a link and leave me a message. Have you been in a relationship where you stayed with somebody too long? Does this resonate with you ladies? I see y'all listening. Give me a chat, give me a comment. Let's let's figure it out. When did you stay in a relationship for too long? So, because I stayed in this relationship for so long. Oh, sorry, I'm getting off topic. The man, what happened to him? The man went on and literally married, and I'm this is this is I'm saying this is facts, I'm not this is nothing judgy, or I'm not saying it to be a smart ass. Um, this is the actual truth. I'm keeping it one hundo with my BDs. This man went on and found some Japanese lady who was like 15 years older than him, with like a seven-year-old, and that was apparently what he was looking for. Now, good for them. I hope they're happy. I am a huge fan of drop it and stop it in terms of men. In terms of women in our lives, we don't drop it, we don't stop it, right? That's the theme of the show. Bitch, don't be dumb. Don't drop it, don't stop it. However, in the context of a loser-ass dude, of someone who you're gonna leave, you know you're gonna leave, you're over it, then you need to stop it, drop it, and get the fuck away from them as long as you can. I don't want this to be dark, and I'm not trying to turn this into a fucking PSA. However, I am aware that some of our sisters who are listening are potentially in more complicated relationships where violence, finances, this, that, these things are piling on top of you. You also need to leave, but don't take my tongue-in-cheek advice of you know, don't be a dumb bitch, blah blah blah blah, because those girls are not dumb bitches, those women are not dumb bitches. We should say a prayer for them because that's a different situation. I'm not talking about being stuck, being afraid for your life, being in some dark shit. That's what we're talking about, ladies. It's a small population of women that are in that, and ladies, if you're listening, please reach out to someone. There are people that can help you, etc. etc. But without getting dark, bringing it back up. We're bringing it back up. So now my first husband leaves me, he goes to marry some Japanese ladies, got a kid, he's decided, raggedy ra. I'm like, well, I'm going to Manhattan. And so I did. So my point is, I made the right decision the entire time. However, I could have got a lot more dick if I dumped him earlier. Because something interesting, I never cheated on him. I never cheated on him. When I fucked that dude on the living room floor, we were already over. Their relationship was done. I was just being a cheeky minx because I was fucking pissed that I went that many years without getting dicked. But I made up for it, ladies. Oh, you know I made up for it. My Craigslist book is about to come out when I was just like fucking around on Craigslist before Craigslist got, you know, banned. Keep your eyes out. Getting back to topic, you are going to leave as soon as you get the inkling. We're not sitting around a plan. We don't give a fuck about what this guy's gonna do. It doesn't matter how he feels about it, you are out. And if he wants to be a crazy fool and try to chase you or stalk you or be fucking psychotic, there are enough resources in this day and age that will fuck him where you should feel safe. And that is the motherfucking truth. I have learned over the years that help is hard to come by. That's right. I said it. These people aren't falling from the sky, social workers don't grow on trees. But when you really need help, again, getting back to the small minority, like if it's a crazy dude, if that dude's crazy, crazy man, then you obviously need to like think a little bit about what your next move's gonna be. For me, for example, although it didn't work, but by the time I got up to my third husband, he was crazy. He was legitimately, certifiably fucking crazy, and therefore, when it came time to get away from him, got a little bit fucking nuts, got a little bit out of control. He was a violent person, and the whole thing went pretty fucking pear-shaped. But you know what I did? I persisted. I persisted, and I would not let the fact that he was fucking crazy make this bitch say because cute bitches bounce, pretty bitches leave. We are out the door, you have other options. You do not need to stay with any man not worthy of your pussy, of your pockets, of your possibilities. Bitch, don't be dumb. You are better than that, and you're better off on your goddamn own. I know that sounds horrible, and trust me, I have had I was oh my god. Think about it. So I'm 23, I get married, all of a sudden now I'm 30, single, and back in the country. Well, I mean, I was single for about 10 years. Real talk, real talk. I was pretty much relative. I mean, I got married and divorced twice. I had a couple spicy flings, I had a few guys that I dated. I dated this guy in Brooklyn for a couple months. I had some like hot Euro boyfriends. I dated a French guy, an Italian guy, married somebody from Spain. I mean, I had kind of like stories, but nothing that really went longer than a couple months. I wasn't really committed to anybody, I wasn't really locked in. And let me tell you, that was some of the funnest shit that I've ever done. That was a blast. You know what I had? A motherfucking blast. So my point is this life is life, right? It is unpredictable. Um, it is 50-50, which I was ranting about last week in our stop thinking you're fucking a perimenopausal episode. If you're being told you're perimenopausal, uh, you should listen to that episode. Um life is 50-50. It gets cunt, but then it will turn around. And relationships should not be 50-50. Relationships are like one of the only things that really shouldn't be. I think last week I was ranting about oh yeah, relationships too, but no. A relationship shouldn't be 50-50. A relationship needs to be on. Whatever your definition of on is, that's what it needs to be. If your definition of on is 50 50, by all means. My definition of a relationship is my husband should be kissing my royal fucking ass every day of the week. And that's because I support all of these men. I'm not saying that if a man is supporting you, you need to kiss his ass because your mama's old school and I think that's what that dude's supposed to do. Take his money. Get with someone that's gonna look after you. Good fucking luck. Have your career, but get some goddamn help. Take it from me, ladies. Because I have no help. I'm yeah, I'll give you an update on my life next week. Trying to turn it around, trying to get shit cracking. But, anyways, here's the thing. For my relationship, again, I'll bring it back to me. I'd be transparent with you ladies, and I've had more relationships than honestly 99% of you. I'm saying that because I mean it. I lived in Midtown Manhattan, I wrote a book about the Craigslist people I was meeting. I was out with someone different every single fucking night for literally almost 10 years. So, you want to swap stories? Let's swap them. I'm not saying that to get my trophy, I'm just saying that to establish myself as the relationship expert. People always have jokes, especially men, especially drop kick nasty men. When I'll be like, oh, I know so much about relationships, take it from me. I've been married four times. And then, of course, the haters come in, oh, you must not know about relationship because you've been married four times. I'm like, Yeah, that's exactly right. I've been married four times, and the thing that I know better than your fucking stank ass is cute bitches bounce, cute bitches leave. You don't need to stay with somebody who's corny as fuck. This leads back, I like how, like, as my podcast grows, I can integrate different episodes. It's like a choose your own adventure moment. So for my OGBDs that are listening to this shit in order, bless. I see y'all every Wednesday and my fucking listen spike and everyone's here sitting around the fire. But for the new randos that come in, why don't you go back and listen to some other episodes? And that will help get you up to where we are with cute bitches leave. So yeah. We study, we don't take any shit, we listen to our intuition, and we keep it motherfucking cracking. You know what I'm saying? So you do not need to stay with anyone not worth your time. Bitch, don't be dumb. And this is not actually just a message towards men. I mean, it's predominantly towards men because let's face it, straight women spend way too much fucking time worrying about our dudes. Again, it's like in our fucking biology, we can't goddamn help it. But also, if your family does not serve you, fuck them off. If your friends are not delivering, fuck them off too. Because even though it's scary being alone, and trust me, as someone like me, I have no family, I have no friends. I mean, I have family. I have two beautiful children now, and a husband who is a husband. So I have that family, I have no extended family, and like to put that completely in a like transparent vision for y'all. Like, I'm shitting myself right now. I'm down to like 10 grand, I got two kids, I've been trying to find a job, I've been on the back foot, and life is fucking me in every hole. But you know what I haven't done? I have not gotten knocked down. I have zero concerns about all the toxic situations that I had to get out of over the last 18 months. Because perhaps in the future we'll have uh my my 18 months of fuckery moment or getting over 18 months of fuckery. It's like sometimes something bad happens and you're like, fuck, that was gnarly, and then other times bad shit just doesn't seem to stop happening, and so I feel like as life goes on, people often become more scared of life, and if you're scared of life, it can greatly influence who you keep around you because you're either staying in the wrong relationship because you're afraid to be alone. Let's be real. That's a lot of people they go, you're comfortable. Oh, I fucking hate Joey, he's disgusting, he fucking farts in his sleep, his breath stinks, he doesn't brush his teeth, he fucking drinks, you know, a 12-pack a day, and he smells like cigarettes. But what would I do without him? Um, you'd probably find somebody with clean teeth, a job, and money. So just reconsider. There are enough dating apps these days, girls. You do not need to be in a bullshit relationship, it is unnecessary. And this is because cute bitches bounce. Bitch, don't be dumb. When someone isn't serving you, it could be a sibling, it could be, oh, but we've been friends since high school. Have you? Have you really been friends since high school? When's the last time that friend from high school called you up with anything of actual substance? And if they had, again, there's an exception to every rule. Bitches, there's an exception to every rule, but the advice that your mama gives is, you know, pretty fucking accurate 99% of the time. That's true. I wouldn't be sharing it with you if I didn't fucking know. So, is there a risk that you can leave too soon? Oh yes. Before we wrap it up, we'll give a nod to the one that got away. Because we also have that one, which can be traumatizing. Oh man, I was dating this guy, and I just wanted to be a young slut, and so I cut him off too early, and now he's fucking loaded and married to Amanda. They have three beautiful kids and they live in Malibu. Fuck him. That's right. Fuck him. Because even though he's a hot millionaire with like probably a fucking dope wife, she's got a nice set of fake titties and they got three cute kids, he doesn't have you, he lost the trophy, and you, because you're a cute bitch, did exactly what you needed to do at the time, which was bounce. So even though sometimes we bounce and then we grieve, and it's like, man, that fucker now is off, you know, he wouldn't get a job when he was with me. Now all of a sudden he's off supporting that bitch. Maybe if I didn't dump him on his dropkick ass, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. It just means it was not meant to be. I really think that next week we're going to get into your intuitive ass, right? I think next week's going to be something along the lines of listen to your intuitive ass. Because you know, and that is often how cute bitches understand when it's time to bounce. And because they're cute and they're beaties and they are not dumb bitches, they listen to the bitch don't be dumb podcast. They hear your mama sitting on her shoulder going, honey, go, go, be out, go. If you think one time that you need to leave your man, you probably need to leave your man. Now, this episode does not. This is, I guess I should have put this in the beginning as some kind of like disclaimer. This episode is not at the mamas, the women with children who get in fucked up situations with their husbands, want to kill them andor leave. That's a different situation. I'm not saying do not be one of those bitches that stays with a man because you have kids, and repeat that. Just because you have kids with someone, if they are not acting correctly, if they are not being attentive to you, I don't care how good they are with their kids, because the amount of bitches that I've known, oh Harry's a fucking asshole, but he's so great with the kids. The fuck is that? If Harry's an asshole, but he's great with your kids, I can't think of a better time to leave and let him be great with your kids when he visits them on the weekends because you're going out to build a new life because you dropped that fucking deadbeat in the dust where he belongs. Don't stay with someone who does not make you happy. Cute bitches bounce. Now, I have been in multiple relationships. I have been the dumper and the dumpy for real. I haven't really been dumped many times, I'm gonna be honest. But I feel like that's what makes it even worse when I think about like the one or two times I was. And it's always hot European dudes. It's like they'll come over and have some crazy affair with a slutty American woman like me, and then the next thing you know, they're going back to fucking Paris to have an art show. It's like, get fucked. Anyways, once again, I digress. Cute bitches bounce. That is the message. Keep it with you. Um, feel free to DM me if you need any tips or tricks on how to dump a fucking loser because I'm really good at it. I'll get your ass away from that dude and have you set up with a new life quicker than you can blink your eyes. My situation that I got myself in now is a fucking disaster, but it's got nothing to do with uh with dudes. I mean, my husband pisses me off. I can do a whole fucking episode about that. But my life is also stressful right now. So sometimes when your life is stressful, then just everything around you kind of follows suit. You know what I'm saying? Nevertheless, ladies, I hope your life is not stressful. I hope you had a wonderful week. I hope you are all fucking slaying all day and getting ready for summer. Summer! Summer, come and save us. Have a good week, ladies. I love, love, love you. Thank you for listening. Please tell your friends. Please recruit a baby. Tell them this or mama is fucking drop it back every Wednesday. We're appointed.