Fight Wit Yo Man

Fight wit yo man ladies!

Thank me later.

Music by Nathan Wills

Transcript

SPEAKER_01 0:06

I'm your mama? No daddy's allowed.

SPEAKER_00 0:26

It's Wednesday again. Wednesday's gone so fast.

SPEAKER_01 0:32

BD. Ladies, lovers, listeners, welcome to The Bitched, Don't Be Dumb. Or as we so affinitively say, BDBD, the Bitched Don't Be Dumb Podcast. Don't drop it, don't stop it. This is your mama, your host, your advocate, your homie. Welcome, welcome to episode 21 of the bitch, don't be dumb podcast. Ladies, this is like life-altering shit. We are on episode 21 to 1. The relevance of that to me. 26 means that I'm fucking halfway through a year. I've been doing this for six months, and my last is still fucked up. Nevertheless, ladies, this is the Bitch Don't Be Done Podcast. I am your host, your mama. This is a safe space for heterosexual, biological women, and well, any other ladies too. We love our lesbian sisters. I mean, who am I trying to kid? But this is a safe space for biological woman, woman, whatever's clever, if you were born with a pussy, you're in the right place. This week on episode 21, we're addressing something I hold close to my heart and is also a timely topic of utmost relevance in my recent string of living events. This episode is called Fight with Yo Man. That's right, ladies. Fight with your man. Critical. Maybe you'll fuck, but then we're gonna be mad at each other. So why are you telling us to fight with our men? This is why beaties fucking pull up a seat, grab you a drink, pull up a blunt, and yeah, let's get into it. The reason why you need to fight with your man is because you don't know who you are having sex with. You actually are unfamiliar with the penis that's been pegging you for the last six months because you've never gotten in a fight with him. You have been like, oh my god, I just found this hot guy with a penis that I like, and so therefore, I'm going to ride until I die and let's see what happens. Amen to that, sister.

unknown 3:52

Amen to that.

SPEAKER_01 3:53

However, you'll find in the pool of men, because there's likely to be a pool for you, and you know what? Let's let's sidetrack to all the special ladies that are like one and done. I know some myself, they're fucking animals in the wild. These women banged one rod, maybe two, were like, that's it for me. I'm all set, and then off they went. I'm not saying I think that's wonderful. I'm happy for those bitches. So, congratulations to you, bitches, if you are amongst the girls that were like one and done. Fucking Jeremy has a trust fund, I have a vagina, we're 21. I think I can work this out. That makes sense. I have no objection. I mean, I definitely don't speak from experience, but you should absolutely marry for money. And you will have one. Let me tell you something. Every bitch, there is not a woman on earth, and if you don't think that you've had the offer, you did, and you just didn't realize it, sooner or later, a man will approach you in your you know, post-college university years, and they'll probably have a lot of money, and they'll probably want to like not secret arrangement you, but like wife you, like life you, you know what I'm saying? Like, and chances are because you're like 22 and hot and and are just not worried about the bag at that point, you're just like, no, I don't need to marry you, fucking Walter. You're a weird creep, and I'm not really attracted to you. So I am going to just go and fucking use my art of history degree until I run out of money and move back to my parents' mansion. Shout out to those people, but you know, not all of us really go down that path. So I feel like many of the beaties are sisters, our aunties, mothers, cousins, friends. I feel many of the beaties perhaps have been on a rod or two, poked around, you know, slaps salami, slipped on and off salami. Penises are strange. Find one that you like. First of all, if you're really gonna get in a committed relationship or pretend you're in a committed relationship for my experienced kin beadies, do not try to pretend that you don't like that dick, even if they're gonna give you all the money, even if somebody so once upon a time, this guy was like 500 pounds and he's like, Oh my god, I'm loaded. I own Central Park. Like, just be my slave. And I'm like, no. And sometimes in hindsight, I'm like, man, maybe I should have just said yes. Maybe I could have just sucked it up and being like, sure, William, that sounds great. I will live in your fucking penthouse on Central Park East. Thanks for the champagne and caviar bar. But no, that's not what happened. I went to the champagne and caviar bar, and then he tried to take me to Saturday Night Live the next day, and I told him no. And I said, No. I'm like, I'm like, no, I don't really want to go to SNL right now and like sit on the floor and have a great time and be not. I'm a poet, it's not who I am. All right, ladies. I know you think I'm getting off topic. And for our faithful, our regular listeners, y'all know I'm going through the gigs. Your mama is in a little bit of a life situation, but I'm still fucking focused, bitches. Laser, laser focused. Today's Wednesday, April 8th. We're getting it in about why you have to fight with your man. See, I never even got to the fighting point with William. I just like fucking dumped him on standards before that. So for the ones that you actually don't dump that you bother to keep around, that you're like, well, I guess the dick was okay to invite you back. I'm not really comfortable committing to anything right now, but neither are you. And mind you, dear listeners, my date, I exclusively date in New York City. I have not dated anywhere else in the United States of America except for New York City, put it on my grave. That's a true story about your mama. I had a high school boyfriend uh in the hills of Connecticut, you know, 70 miles out when I was growing up, and then I got married in Australia, and then I fucking went out. So my point is I'm familiar with the male species, and I'm familiar with them casually, intimately, not as siblings. I don't have any brothers. I mean, my father fucking rocks, as you can imagine. Ladies, he's one of the only decent male fucking human beings on the earth. But, anyways, I know about dudes, and I'm here to tell you you need to fight with him before you actually lock down. Serious relationship. We're gonna go study, we're fucking going to Coachella, we're going to go to my sister's wedding together, you're gonna ask me to marry you, and I may or may not breed your children. So before you get into the that sort of mind space, you need to ask yourself, what's this dude got? Like, I don't want to be with a dude who is crazy. And naturally, the patriarchy constantly wants to. All right, I'm gonna reframe this. Men fuck women over on the regular, and a big, huge way they fuck us over, particularly in relationships, is just genuinely pretend to be something that they're not. Like, I'm not gonna make light of anyone, and this is not like anyone that's in a significantly rough relationship, not just this is a fucking douche pad. I'm talking about girls that like we might have to go in for and bop somebody. Um, those girls, do you think that they knew when they got with these guys that this was the relationship? Do you think that they knew that that's what they're signing up for? Oh, yeah, no worries. That's fine, fucking Jonathan. I don't mind that you're like psychotic and are gonna stalk me. Let's get it going and see what happens. No, nope. One day Jonathan went fucking crazy, and then Meredith was like, Oh fuck, that happened. Now I'm stuck with this dude and he's crazy. And because I've had like a really good balance of just like casual nothing and seriously committed relationships, I definitely think that uh, yeah, I'm kind of an expert. I'm a fucking number 10 out of 10 on this one, sisters. I am going to I'm gonna wear my crown and share my knowledge with you. Is that dudes will hide. They're crazy. Let's talk about my fucking psycho Spanish husband. I mean, also, as the joke goes, I've been married four times. Three of the four times I got married were in under 10 weeks. So maybe I I mean, but you know what? It was fun as fuck. I'm not here to say don't do that. I should be, but I guess your mama's just not as mature. So I'm not gonna comment. If you're doing that right now, I have no comment, which is a lot for me because your mama is an outspoken bitch, nevertheless. When I was getting married with people rapidly in sequences that were less than 10 weeks of actually knowing this person, something I never did, because you're not fighting with someone in 10 weeks. Come on, like if you well, that's if you are really fighting with somebody in 10 weeks, well, then you should have fucking broken up with them yesterday. But for the most part, 10 weeks is kind of breezy, you know, you're hanging out, da-da-da. So then I married these people, and then once I saw the ugly side, it doesn't matter when it comes out, it really doesn't, especially when you're married to them. Because if you wait till you're married or committed to someone to see their ugly side and then you see it, you're fucked. You are locked in, dude. Like that isn't really somewhere where you want to be. Take it from me. I live there all the time, I'm there all the time. Um, I feel like sometimes I should just be more of a scroungy bullshit and cheat on my husband or do this or do that. But like, no, I'll stand by my fucking, I stand by my choices, I stand by my decisions, and I have found that sometimes those choices and decisions weren't the fucking best ones to stand on. And I think some of them could have been avoided if I had fought with my man first. So now it's like, well, how am I gonna fight with him? I'm not gonna just go pick a fight with him. I'm not gonna do this, I'm not gonna women. We're talking about the male species, it's not the fucking smartest thing on the world. Like, are you kidding me? You're gonna tell me you don't know how to fuck with your husband, you're gonna tell me you don't know how to play over your man, please. That's a fucking episode. If you don't know how to play over your man, I'm gonna say that you do because you're listening to the bitch of bitch, don't be dumb. You're listening to the bitch don't be dumb podcast. You are automatically in the yes, I can play my man club, and if you're not, you need to fucking step up your game.

unknown 14:29

For real.

SPEAKER_01 14:31

For real. So, anyways, while you are fucking around with your dudes, you're gonna think of a way to rile them up, and then when you think of a way to rile them up, like make it, don't make it like there's a fine line between like cutesy poke and like why am I crying right now? So you don't want to go too far in either direction, but you need to make sure that you rile them up enough so he's not allowed to hide the crazy. Because when dudes, I hope the traffic's not too much. You already know that we're the streets of North Jersey. That's these are the streets of North Jersey, everybody. Shout out to all the local people listening to me right now. Um you're bringing out his crazy, you're not antagonizing him, and if you really want to pump it, then we need to just tell yourself you are actually improving your own life. Oh yeah, you're improving your own life with self-protection. Because I'm not saying that, you know what? I have dated some lovely gentleman who had normal crazy, which is why we didn't gel. Because I tend to gel with the crazy crazies, unfortunately. That's something that I struggle with, but um, there are like there's normal people where if you really try to rile his fucking crazy and he's relatively normal, that could be true, and you hit the jackpot. But but you didn't know that you just bloody you know hung that head on the wall and took those antlers, or however you want to celebrate your hunt. Now you can rest assured that Charles isn't crazy, but then there's the other fucking option because we're always prepared for at least two options, right? Multiple option prepared is a mantra of the BDs. It's actually, I think it's gonna be the slogan of future episodes. Um, but yeah, you are a bossy prepared, classy bitch, and I'm not going to pair up with a dude who is going to woo you with his wallet or his weenie or his um yacht, whatever the fuck. You're gonna get wooed, and then sooner or later, unless your bull's just like for the streets, which I have no problem with, but sooner or later something's going to rock that a little bit and won't be as a street like. And that's when you have to like do something fucked up to get a taste of his crazy. Like when I say fight with your man, I'm not talking about get get out of here. Mama is fucking no violence people. Like, I'm not saying, oh bitch, go in there and goggity gog. And I'm not gonna get into some of the crazy things your mama has gotten into personally. Um, because I feel like there should be a collective sanity message amongst the beaties, which is yeah, like fuck with him enough, but we don't condone the violence around here. We're not fighting with anybody. These bloody, you need to see the worst side of him. And that's not just something, it's not like you can just go and fucking do some exorcism, or maybe you can, maybe I should try to fucking like lead that sort of uh sorcery ritual, and that'll get me out of my financial predicament. That's what I'm gonna do today. That isn't really paying off, so here's what I'm gonna do. I'm gonna come and exercise the crazy and y'all can help me, it'll just like I don't know, dump water on them and throw wet pillows or something that's uncomfortable. You know, not like totally painful, but 50 bucks is gonna. Um, I could name off my head. Off top of my head, I can literally name five dudes and kind of I can go on in the top.

SPEAKER_02 19:44

I just hold things here and uh I love fun but I love the funky of male species in hell of space and I've seen them every creepy every instance area

SPEAKER_01 25:30

He was just we were just not compatible in the right ways. And that's putting it in a very nice mature way, I think. Like that happened. We just weren't compatible in the right ways. So yeah. I fucking stuck around for heaps too long. But I was busy. I was doing shit. I was getting shit done. Your mama doesn't sleep. And obviously, my bloody major general crazy husband. That was a mess. He was a disaster. I mean, military guys are hot. And that is also an episode called Anyone in the Military Is Hot. That's kind of true. Very true. So in light of the Everyone in the Military is hot, it lines up with my hot Spanish military partner who was just very, very crazy. Um and that crazy. Literally followed me internationally without a visa, but like in places and stay there for long periods of time because he was military. And like no one believed me that he was military, but I was going to like military. Like I went to the award ceremonies. It was crazy. Anyways, um, I thought I found someone very normal. I'm like, man, you can't get any more straight-laced than like high top military. Charlotte. Charlotte. My friend from Turkey is like, he's not in the military. I'm like, how can you tell me he's not in the military? I literally just went to an award ceremony with like many other military people. What did you think was a one-on-one? Unbelievable to me. People are funny. However, hindsight. I probably what are you doing? Sorry, my dog is spot on. In hindsight, I probably could have looked out for those crazies and might have been able to protect myself a little bit. But yeah, unfortunately, that's not how it went down. So my solution was be these. Keep it fucking pushing. So that's why I'm wandering down a random sidewalk in a town in New Jersey that I visited once before I moved here. And I'm just happy that it's a beautiful sunny day. And I hope you ladies are having beautiful sunny days, beautiful sunny weeks. Just keep every day beautiful and sunny. Beautiful and cloudy. You know what I'm saying, PD? You know what I'm saying. Lady, I love you. Thank you for checking in. Thank you for telling all of your friends, all of our other biological people. My edgy term, but I'm not supposed to say why, I'm not sure. Um, what is 2192?