Get Cracked and Carry On

This week, Yo Mama is talking about something that doesn't get nearly enough credit when life goes sideways: getting cracked.

After spending the past few months stressed, overwhelmed, and staring down some pretty serious life problems, I had to stop and ask myself a simple question: when was the last time I actually relaxed and enjoyed myself? The answer led to a realization that a lot of women forget when they're busy surviving—sometimes the best thing you can do for your mood, your mindset, and your relationship is stop overthinking and start spreading the flaps.

In this episode, Yo Mama talks about the connection between sex, stress relief, emotional regulation, and why intimacy is often the first thing we abandon when life gets hard, even though it might be exactly what we need. Yo Mama shares stories from her own marriage, discuss the importance of maintaining physical connection, and explain why a healthy sex life can do more for your attitude than another night spent doomscrolling and worrying about problems you can't solve at 2 a.m.

We also get into monogamy, chemistry, relationships, casual sex, vibrators, post-nut clarity for women, and why knowing what works for your body is one of the most underrated forms of self-care out there.

The takeaway? If life is kicking your ass, maybe don't spend all your energy sitting around being miserable. Go get cracked, clap your clam, beat off, do whatever works for you, and then get back to handling your business like the boss-ass bitch you are.

Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:00

You're tuned in to BD B D. Bitch, don't be dumb. I'm your mama. No daddy's allowed. Hey, everybody. Welcome. Welcome. Listeners, ladies, lovers, legends. What's going on? It's Wednesday. You know what happens here on Wednesdays. This is the Bitch Don't Be Dumb podcast. I am your mama. Here to share the joys and perils of the reality as a heterosexual biological woman in 2026. People be hating on the concept of my podcast. And actually, I am going to do an episode in the coming weeks about not hating men. It's not that we hate men, it's just that we are allowed to have our own space without them. Our own space, our own ideas, our own identities, our own everything as born woman, women, bitch don't be dumb. Welcome, ladies. This week, this week, we're going to talk about something very close to my heart, very near and dear, and that is getting cracked. Now, I understand that pussies are power. And sometimes you need to hold in your power. You need to take your power back. You know what I'm saying, ladies? You need to not let anyone partake in your power from time to time. That is why we have masturbating tools. And doesn't matter if those tools are your hands, fucking plugins, battery operated, listen to the masturbating episode. It was fucking a good one. Okay. If you have not listened to the meat beating manifesto early on, then maybe you should go back and catch up before you want to carry on with this week when we are going to talk about why you need to get cracked. Now, I spent probably the last 36 hours fucking my husband. Thing about me is I like to fuck. The thing about your mama is I'm getting in. You know what I'm saying, ladies? However, I also have this terrible habit of monogamy. Didn't always have it. I mean, I've had it for the majority of my life because I'm consistently in long-term relationships. But you know, I had a fucking few thrills in my time. Nevertheless, I'm a mother now. I'm an adult, and I'm married to my fourth husband. If I was going to talk about the crack factory of my husband's, number four's got it going on. The first three could not even hold a candle. Real talk. However, some of you ladies know that I have been a little bit surly with number four. I've been a little bit, I don't want to say angry. I feel like I've been disappointed. Anyways, I've been on an emotional motherfucking roller coaster for a minute. And I actually caught myself and said, hey, self, when's the last time you got fucked? Now, fucking regularly, critical. My husband and I, honestly, in the normal world, when I'm not like zero dollars out trying to figure out how I'm gonna survive day to day, uh, we fuck every single day. I think that's healthy. I think that everybody needs to do what does it for them, and what does it for me is getting fucking beat out every day, at least once a day, preferably twice. Anyways, I stopped myself last week because as you're aware, if you listen to my fuck two weeks episode, I'm like, oh my god, you know, when's the last time I fucked? If you are in a relationship and you ask yourself, when's the last time I fucked? and you have to actually like really think about it, then you need to really think about your relationship. Because at the end of the day, that should not be something you wonder. You should be wondering, wow, that was so great when we fucked yesterday. I really like that he did this. I can't wait to try this. Where are we gonna fuck next? That's what should be going across your mind. That's what was crossing my mind after I fucked my husband on every fucking corner and surface in my apartment. It's not a very big apartment, didn't take that long. It took a couple days, we got through it. These are the thoughts that are supposed to be spinning through your mind when you consider intimacy with your loved one. Now, sometimes, as your mama is speaking on right now, life gets a little bit ass beady, your ass starts getting a little bit beat by life, and the next thing you know, you're not flapping your claps, your claps aren't flapping, they're not spreading, they're not flapping, they're just sitting around and they're starting to stick together. And then you say to yourself, Oh, how do I resolve this? Sometimes it is a mental hurdle, I'm not gonna lie, even for a horny bitch like your mama, sometimes, recently included, I really had to stop myself and be like, you know what? I'm in the worst fucking mood ever. I honestly can't even deal with like myself, so I don't know how I'm gonna deal with anybody else. And my brain is so overloaded with fucking cortisol and inner voice and chit-chat that's saying, yo mama, you have about two months of rent left, or you're gonna literally have to fucking move to your mama's house and you don't have one, and what are you gonna do? And all these things are going through my mind, and I'm like, fuck, you know what I'm gonna do? I'm gonna go ride the dick until my fucking legs fall off. That's what I'm gonna do. And that's what I did. I rode a lot of dick. My husband is very well endowed, personal preference. And he's also, as I've mentioned in the past, you know, 13 years younger than me. So it's kind of nice to have some mid-30s cock on tick. And anytime I want a piece of that, and trust me, anytime I want a piece of that, because my b my man was born ready. It's kind of how we fell in love. I have never in my entire existence, prior to my husband, been with a partner who can keep up with me, and that's a true story, that's on God. And all of these men, all of these dudes, would have something to say about that. Oh, it's because he was this or you were that or blah blah blah. No, I think it's a most male because y'all are fucking flapping around usually. Right? Flap nuts, saggy nut flappy dick. That is what we have to deal with as women. So go out, find yourself a regularly erect, preferably in his 30s, 30s is a good number, a regularly erect in his 30s, gentlemen, and get the fuck on it. And I'm telling you, it's very possible that your problems they won't disappear, they're not gonna just vanish into thin air, they will be alleviated, and you will feel better. Because I gotta tell you something. I'm hard on my man, dude. Yo, mama, I am not a fucking easy case, ladies. Let me tell you about me. I am not an easy case. The reason why I prefer to live in Manhattan, midtown Manhattan, holla shout out, is because I can be surrounded by beautiful people, all kinds of people, people from all over the world, people from here, they da-da-da. But I don't need to actually like closely interact with them, if that makes sense. I know it sounds kind of weird, but that's the truth. Like, I like to keep people close, but not too close. I'll tell you something, but not everything. I will spend some time with you, but I don't want your phone number, and I definitely don't want your social networks. I feel so corny when I'm like, look at my TikTok, everybody. But that's because my TikTok promotes the podcast and is actually pretty funny sometimes. Anyways, I am someone, curiously, that genuinely keeps to myself socially. If I feel like having a voice, I do my podcast. In the past, I did stand-up comedy. I've also written multiple books. But I think another really great way to express yourself as a woman, get cracked. Know what you like, go out and find it. If you don't have it now, it's not hard to get. And let me tell you something. Casual sex is fantastic. Like just because I've been in long-term relationships for like the majority of my fucking grown-up years, that doesn't mean I don't like some fucking cashy cracking on the side. I got a book coming out, and it includes my Craigslist summer. And my Craigslist summer was when I was very single and when I really needed to get cracked, and I didn't feel like going on fucking Tinder dating profiles, or people take themselves way too seriously. I went straight to the source. I went straight to the nutbags on Craigslist, and you know that was a fucking fun summer. I'm not gonna lie, it was a really fun summer. Um, sex is an important healthy resource. It's not dirty, it's not caca, it is really something that I feel truly empowered women know how to use as a tool. Now, that doesn't mean that you need the dick as your tool. In all honesty, there have been many, many times where my lake was dry and I couldn't find any dick in the pool. And I'm like, now what am I gonna do? Get a new vibrator, get more batteries, recharge my shit. Do you know what I'm saying? Because as long as you keep it coming, and when I say keep it coming, I'm talking about your kiddy, your clitoris, as you keep your klette happy, you will find the world will reveal itself around you. Post knock clarity goes both ways, women. It really, really does. Even if you're wound up and you're the last fucking thing on your mind, you hate your man. I hate my man all the time. You ladies hear me talk about this. You hate your man, you're wound up, and you don't feel like fucking. Sometimes that's when the best crack's gonna about to go down. You know what I mean? Sometimes you have all that anger energy. Not that I hate fuck, though. I don't I do not I don't hate fuck and I don't like makeup sex. I do not like makeup sex whatsoever. Like, if first of all, I don't like going to bed angry. I mean, I think that these things sound so basic, but they really are so important. You know what I mean? Not to say that I haven't been like a fucking emo disaster for the past, I don't know, six to twelve months, but at the same time, there are certain values that I do try to live by and adhere. Sex is a big one for me in relationships. Getting cracked is number one. Because at the end of the day, the only thing that technically makes my relationship different in a romantic relationship, in a said committed relationship, is that I'm fucking you. Nothing else. I mean, sure, we're homies, we're friends, I genuinely like you. No, no, no, no, no, no, no. When you really want to get down to the fundamentals, the only difference between the person that you're with and anybody else is that that's the person you spread your legs, right? That's the leg spreader, if you will. That is the bender over, back shot, put it in your mouther that you are going to potentially spend your life with. If you're someone like me and you just really were on a mission to find that person, it took me a long time to find that person, but I definitely found him. And ladies, chin up. If you're going through some ugly shit right now with your man, or if you just haven't had a man forever, it doesn't mean you know what? Men don't make your life better. I don't want to fucking be spreading them lies on the podcast. No. I do think though, that fucking can make you better. I believe firmly in body chemistry 101. It's blatantly proven that your body likes to get fucked, right? There's like chemicals that happen, there's things that go on. Oh yeah. Especially if you got some. I mean, we're doing this with, we're doing this in a monogamous relationship with someone that we trust who, and you are on birth control, or you are rhythm methoding, or you're doing whatever, but you know, they're nothing better than getting filled up, ladies. Have that dude blast at you. Because there's actual chemicals in that shit that make you feel good. Fact-check it. Chat GPI it. It's true. Chat GPT it, chat GPI it. Lord have mercy. That's where I am, everybody. Claude it. Ask Claude, okay? Um, there's definitely some kind of like magic secret. Like, I don't even know what fucking, I'm gonna look that up. I'm gonna fact check it. I can't right now, but I will later because it's all true. It's all true. And then those chemicals things go in your body, and then your body's like, oh man, I feel better. And not to mention for the fucking stress relief that it just does exercise, moving, increasing your heartbeat, doing this, doing that, getting thrown over the goddamn couch, getting beat out on the rug in your living room. These are things that can improve your health. And not that this is exclusively a health podcast, but we're very health conscious. Therefore, bitch, don't be dumb. Go get cracked or go jerk off. One or the other. When you're in a really bad mood, particularly, because I know how it is, it's like, man, trust me, I stop myself. I will, you know, force myself to masturbate sometimes. I don't even want to, I just have to. That's the goddamn truth. Your biggest enemy and ally is your brain, right? Is your headspace. It can make or break your ass, particularly if you go through something rough. Now, I honestly, on my children, can say, I have never, I've never been in a more difficult situation than I am in right now. And it is terrifying for me. You can't even imagine. I'm on here cracking jokes about it because if I don't laugh, I'll cry. I have no idea what I'm gonna do. And I'm not kidding when I keep sharing with my ladies that I am staring homelessness in the fucking face right now. So, what do I do? I fuck my husband for three days, and you know what? I feel remarkably better. I don't feel like necessarily positive about my situation, but I can definitely tell you that there has been a physiological shift where I have more energy, I slept better, I drank more water. Uh yeah, I just feel like I just think that if you really are going through the gigs and the last thing on your mind is, you know, getting fucked, maybe that's the first priority that you should have.

unknown 17:13

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 17:14

And I mean, you can be one of those weird people who are like, oh, I uh, you know, celibacy. How are the dudes that do that? They're like, oh, I'm not going to spread my seed, I'm going to leave it in my nuts for the next six months. So I'm so powerful. Get the fuck out of here, dude. Like, whatever. First of all, you're lying. You're not leaving it in your nuts for six months. And second of all, I don't understand this whole like empowerment thing about not coming. Like, orgasms are a very empowering thing. And again, you don't necessarily have to share them with anyone. That's just what works for me. At the end of the day, as much as I enjoy a good fucking clit tickler, there's no clit tickler better than my man, real talk. I'm not going to come as hard, I'm not going to have as good of a time, it's not going to go on as long as it does when we f I mean I have my own my own reasons, beadies. You know what I'm saying? And I'm sure that all you ladies as well have your own reasons for what you like, what you don't like, what works for you, etc. I do think though, that it's definitely worth pointing out that sometimes when the last thing on your mind is getting cracked, it could potentially be the next step for you to take in getting your shit together. It's like recentering. You know what I'm saying? It's like yoga or Pilates, but better, essentially. And not to say there is like a relationship side to it. That's nice. I mean, I guess there's an intimacy factor. Of course. Man, once we started fucking all the time again, ass slaps are happening, you're doing random cuddles in the kitchen, everything is cute. And that's just what comes along with it. Even if you want to be a complete asshole. If you really have feelings for someone, and you really have access to a level of intimacy that at one point convinced you to really be in a relationship with somebody, girl, hold that shit to your heart. Because honestly, once that goes, everything follows. And I promise you that. I promise you that. What do you reckon, ladies? What's the fastest way to tell what your relationship has got going on? Because I'm pretty sure it's when the last time you fucked is. Because if you haven't fucked in that long, yeah, it's not good for anybody. And I'm not even saying that from oh a relationship thing. I'm talking about your health. This is your mama. I got your back, ladies. It's not, it ain't about oh, you need to please. Yeah, fuck that. Did you notice that at no time have I been like, oh, and also please your man. Yeah, right, bitch, please. No, that's not why we're having sex. I mean, obviously, I'm glad that you're enjoying it, but let's face it, most dudes will fucking excuse me, ladies. Most dudes would just enjoy any fucking pair of flaps, right? They just want you to spread them. But if you find someone who you genuinely do think that like you have a connection with and you do fun things and they have a nine-inch dick and they know how to use it, like that's a nice position to be in. That's a happy place, and you should hold on to it. Even during times when your life is nothing but fuckery, those are the most important times to hold on to that shit, to lean in. And really, after my two-week hiatus, where I'm checked out, to be completely honest at this point, I had to like relatively check out from life. Now, don't get me wrong, because they always know there's a hater in the back. Oh, her kids, her kids. My kids are the happiest, most beautiful, precious angels on earth. They obviously, at two and a half years old and four years old, have no idea about anything seedy going on. Because they have been going to the beach, going to the lake, going to water parks, doing things that little kids do in the summer when your life is normal. Even though my life is not normal, my life is fucked. That does not mean my children have to be anywhere inside or near that whatsoever. And honestly, the perspective, the crack perspective that I got, there should be like some word for it because guys get post not clarity, right? What the fuck do we get? I don't know. Crackle act is crackle act the moment crackle like if you like if your pussy like goes crazy and you got crack I don't know that's that's not really a good one. I'll have to think more about it. But you know what I'm saying. When you have these explosive sexual, and if you haven't had one, girl, go out there and have one, have one today. When you have these intense periods of sexual explosion, if you will, you definitely come out a new bitch. It's like you just had a really nice hot shower. Maybe you did, depending on how shit went down. But realistically speaking, this is something that should be used as a tool for women, not just as a tool of pleasure, but also as a tool of legitimate physiological balancing. You know what I'm saying? Get your yin-yang on, get yourself leveled out, literally. I mean, not to mention all the fun things that often accompany having sex, like tequila. You know what I mean? So you have options, you don't have to sit around and have all of that rage or depression or just negative memory, negative memories, not memories, girl, that got too deep. Not memories, negative thoughts, negative ideas. I hope they're not memories because nobody wants to sit around harping on the past. We don't harp on the past. We got shit going on. So if the shit that you got going on is like overpowering your life, which is pretty much what's happening to me right now, I'm saying get cracked. Go out and yeah, get your crack on. It's gonna help. I definitely feel a little bit more uplifted. It improved my mood, improved my attitude, and also because I'm buried in work right now trying to get myself out of this fucking mess that I'm in somehow. Um, it also helped me focus. Not as good as Adderall, but it still helped. That was a joke. Kind of. Um now for the rest of my day, I will definitely fuck my husband. Not all day, but I will make sure that we fit that in in the bathroom when the kids are playing, or wait for them to go to sleep, or in the kitchen when they go to art class, whatever. But I really have to stand on ten toes here and strongly advise that for all of my women that are out there going through the gigs, sister. I see you, I hear you, I love you, I hold space for you, get cracked or beat off. Take your goddess energy and blow it to the sky. You know what I'm saying? Get your pussy tingles on, and then get back to business. Because that is what a boss ass bitch does. You don't sit around feeling bad, worrying, stressing, crying. I mean, this is my life for the last six months, hoping, praying. Because if you get too entangled in the drama, you're not gonna get cracked. And then your attitude's gonna be ugly, and then you'll be, I am a big person, ugly on the inside, ugly on the outside. That's all there is to it. It's not deeper than that. I don't give a fuck about your wig. I don't care how white your fucking stupid teeth are. I don't trust people if your teeth are too white, to be completely honest. None of that phases me. I am a 100% believer that people project what they have inside. And that's why there's so many ugly motherfuckers. No I'm sorry, but not us. We are hot. This is the bitch dumb, bitch dumb, bitch don't be dumb podcast. And it's run by your mama, glowing inside and out, even through the turmoil. And it is embraced by the beadies who all glow beautifully. This is our community. Thank you, ladies, for being part of it. I hope that you have learned a little bit this week about why you should go out and clap your flaps, why you should spread them, why, even if you're mad, like girls, go through my episodes. I hate my husband every week. I mean, and I would never hate my husband. Let me tell you something. If I actually didn't like this person, I would damn well not have them in my life. Anyways, I don't really hate my husband, but sometimes I say that and sometimes I act like that. And a good way to snap out of it is just like spread the claps, spread the clamps, spread the flaps, spread the clam, clap your clam. Yeah, clap your clam was another good one. Clap your clam, spread your flaps, get cracked, all these things. Strongly, strongly highly recommended. Uh, I think that kind of wraps it up for this week. I feel that I'm I'm getting I'm getting my groove back. Um getting back to my to my reggae episodes after I had my little breaksies. I had my little breaksies, and then fucked my husband like intensely for many, many days. And through all this, I have to say that I feel a little bit more put together. I feel a bit more like myself, and I feel that I'm ready for the world. I'm ready for what's next. And Lord, please let it be something good because I really need a break. All right, women, you be good. I love you all. Please tell your friends about my podcast. Please be like, Yo, mama be spitting this shit, ladies. Every Wednesday she spits it. Um I appreciate that kind of love and help to get the word out. And I will speak to you, ladies, next week. Farewell. Aloha. Have a nice week. I love you.