Frum Women in Motion
For religious Jewish women who want to make exercise more than just something else on the "to do" list!
Frum Women in Motion
Rifky Obstfeld: Balancing Faith and Physical Strength Through Martial Arts
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In this episode of 'Frum Women in Motion,' Ellen Z. Goldberg interviews Rifky Obstfeld, a wife, mother of three, and program director at a martial arts school. Rifky, a third-degree black belt, shares her inspiring journey from starting martial arts at age 18 to representing the USA in the Maccabiah games in Israel, where she earned two silver medals and one bronze. She discusses balancing her Orthodox Jewish faith with her passion for karate, the challenges and triumphs along her path, and how fitness can be a spiritual endeavor. Rifky also talks about her daily routine, curriculum development for her karate students, and the importance of setting and achieving personal goals. The episode emphasizes the importance of integrating physical and spiritual strength and encourages women to start their fitness journey with achievable steps. The podcast supports the Bat Melech organization, aiding women in Israel from abusive homes.
00:00 Meet Rifky Obstfeld: Martial Arts Mom
00:28 Balancing Faith and Fitness
01:51 A Day in the Life of Rifky
02:41 Spiritual Dedication and Fitness
03:19 Developing Karate Curriculum
04:28 Rifky's Martial Arts Journey
10:28 Competing in the Maccabiah Games
14:28 Family and Fitness
23:36 Encouraging Women in Fitness
27:13 Final Thoughts and Farewell
Rivke Opfeld is a wife and mother of three who works full-time as program director at a martial arts school where she also teaches fitness classes. She is a third-degree black belt who, when she was 31 years old, represented the United States in the Maccabi Games in Israel, where she won two silver medals and one bronze. Join me now to hear her story. As Firm Women, we're always running for our families, our work, our communities, and our values. But what if fitness could be more than just another thing on the to-do list? I'm Ellen Z. Goldberg, and on this podcast, we explore how movement can bring us closer to the best version of ourselves and closer to Hashem. Because when we build physical strength, we build spiritual strength too. Join me now for From Women in Motion. Okay, Rifki Obsfeld, thank you so much for joining me today.
SPEAKER_00Thank you for having me.
SPEAKER_01So you the quote that really spoke to me about you, and let's see if you agree with me is from Zacharia. And it says, not by might and not by power, but by my spirit. And I think to me that really symbolizes the balance that you are, the balance that you have of being a religious Jewish woman and being a third-degree black belt in karate.
SPEAKER_00Yes, I would definitely say balance is very much key.
SPEAKER_01I cannot wait to find out more. So, all right, start off. Tell us about what fills your day. You have, it sounds like quite a busy life. Tell us more.
SPEAKER_00I have three kids, so my day begins with getting them onto the bus. And and then I head into work. I work at Warren Levy martial arts. So my job is based in being active. I teach a women's fitness class in the mornings, and then I go into personal training for women, and then I work in the office and I create curriculum for the martial arts program and events and organizing, you know, the way the business runs. And then I'm a full-time mom again. And uh kids come home and it's homework and dinner and shower and essay help and all that crazy stuff. And then I hit the pillow. And somewhere in there, I fit in myself.
SPEAKER_01There is so much I want to ask you. I realized I made a boo-boo. We did not start with who are we focusing the spiritual energy of this podcast interview for. Sometimes people want that it should go for a rifuima for somebody who is ill who should have a healing. What did you have in mind, Rifki?
SPEAKER_00So I actually just found out that a good friend of mine, her father, was just diagnosed with cancer. So this is a refuash lema for Chaim Mendel Bensaralea.
SPEAKER_01Okay, may Chaim Mendel Bensaralea have a Rafuashleima. All those who are sick, may they be healed. Okay, so there's so much that you just said that I want to ask you about. So, how what kind of curriculum development does one do for the karate studio?
SPEAKER_00So in karate, we we follow a system called Shotokan Karate, and there's a lot of different styles. But Shotokan is um it's well-rounded, it's upper body and lower body blocks and punches. But with kids, you just have to make sure that when you're putting curriculum in place, it's not too hard that they can achieve their goals, but that it's challenging enough that they earn their next belt rank. And as they continue up the belt ranks, we want to make sure that we're putting in place a system where there are achievable goals for them. And so putting together curriculum is is again that word balance comes into play. Is that balance between is it challenging enough, but is it also doable because we don't want to knock their confidence? So every so often we are refreshing the curriculum and putting in other events and experiences for them that support that curriculum.
SPEAKER_01What's your background? Like, how did you know how to do all this when you started to work there?
SPEAKER_00My background has nothing to do with martial arts at all. I went to Queen's College and I was a studio art major, and then I went to FIT and I have a degree in interior design. But I started martial arts when I was 18 and I loved it, and it became like a summer job, and then it kind of blossomed into a regular full 40-hour work week, and then it became my profession.
SPEAKER_01And what encouraged you to start at age 18 to start martial arts?
SPEAKER_00My brothers did karate when I was a kid, and I thought it was so cool, but it wasn't given to me as an opportunity. And I've always been very sports-oriented and very physical, and it just seemed really cool to do. And at 18, I was like, hey, I can make my own decision, so let me just do it. And it was awesome.
SPEAKER_01Now, was it not given to you as a choice? Were you raised religious?
SPEAKER_00And so that's and I think it was seen more as in boys need to do something to let out their aggression. And I was given the opportunity to do art and piano, which was great for me because it fostered that artistic creative side of me. But I always had this pension for playing basketball and baseball and just anything to do with a ball. I grew up in Brooklyn and I have this really clear memory of me where I'd be in the backyard playing basketball, and my brothers weren't around to play, and my sister had no interest in playing. And so I would throw the ball against the brick wall and it would bounce back to me, and then I would shoot and I'd be like, and Pippin passes to Jordan. Jordan passes back to Pippin. Pippin shoots and he scores and the crowd goes wild. Ah. So I was always into sports, but I ended up going the direction of arts and creatives because that's what was given to me.
SPEAKER_01So, folks, it's a podcast so you can't see, but Rifki's house looks very nice. I see that you have used your training, maybe not in the work sense of your everyday work, but your house does look very nice, Rifki.
unknownThanks.
SPEAKER_01So you started at age 18. Were there other women in the class? What encouraged you to finally at 18 say, you know what? I would also like to try karate.
SPEAKER_00My friend was going to Israel for the year, and I wanted to do something with her. And the karate school was offering a summer special. So I said, let's just do it. Like it's gonna be fun. Let's just do it together. And she's not a sports girl at all, but she was totally game for anything. So we tried it. She went to Israel, she went to Stern. No continuation of martial arts whatsoever. But I was like, man, this is home. I feel good. And when I first started, I was in an old women's class with a female instructor. I didn't have to wear a skirt over my gi. That's a karate uniform, isn't ghee, because it was totally a sneak class. There weren't men around. And that was very comfortable. And that helped me really become confident in who I was as a Jewish woman that I could, at 18, which is a super impressionable age, to be able to feel confident that I'm around all these other Jewish women, really teens, that feel the same way about martial arts as I do and feel the same way about their tniut as I do. So that was a really cool feeling to have. And then as I went up the ranks, my instructor started using me as the person for warmups and I started coming into more of an instructor type role. And she suggested that I move into the co-ed advanced class because it would be more of a challenge for me. And it was a way for me to achieve my black belt. At that point, uh, the men in the dojo, because I was working there, I was training there, they were like brothers and uncles to me. And while, yes, I've grown up orthodox, I would put more of a stress on the modern Orthodox. I grew up in short shorts and tank tops, and only once I reached high school did I decide, hey, you know what, I'm not so cool with this. I'm skirts and short sleeves. But because I felt very comfortable with them and because I grew up more modern, I was fine not putting a skirt over my ghee. But even to this day, it's I I don't touch men. Like I don't touch men. So if I'm sparring with you, I'm only sparring with a female. If there's no other female in the class, then the instructor uses a kick shield, like he holds it. It's like a large styrofoam pad that he holds from shoulder to mid-thigh. And I would use that as like a punching bag so that it would mimic sparring because I'm not going to touch matten. That's just what it is. So I continue it on in that co ed class. I earned all my first, my second, my third degree within that class, and I haven't looked back since.
SPEAKER_01Okay, did you figure out these limits, these gadareem for yourself about what you would do and what you wouldn't do?
SPEAKER_00Yes, I think that as you get older and mature, obviously, you kind of find your own moral compass. And I'm very much of the opinion that if your gut is speaking to you, listen to it. So if it doesn't feel right, then it's not right, usually. You need to question that. And for me, it wasn't even a question of sparring with men or not. And it wasn't somebody joked with me, like, oh, you're afraid to spar with men because they're stronger than you, they're gonna beat you up. And it's like, no, if anything, I'm just going to embarrass them. So they don't want to spar with me. But it was really, I put up my own boundaries regardless of whether they understood it or were okay with it, because I knew that's what was right.
SPEAKER_01When you did your black belt testing, did you do it within the same studio? You didn't have to go explain to anybody else. Yes, yes.
SPEAKER_00The only time I've ever had to explain is in 2017, I competed in the in Maccabi Games, which, if you don't know, is a an Olympic sanctioned event for all Jewish people around the world. It's an international event. It takes place every four years, just like the Olympics in Israel, and all different sports participate. So I was on the US karate team. But to train up for that, you have to get a lot of tournament experience. Just so that once you get to Israel and you're competing at the highest level, you don't have all those butterfly and jitters because you have all this other experience competing. So when I was in the competition circuit, at that point I was already married and I was covering my hair. And there are very strict rules in karate about what you can and cannot wear when you're competing, because they don't want anybody to have a potential edge over somebody else. Normally, when I train in karate, I would wear a bandana on my head. Easy. They don't allow it because it has to be WKF, which is World Karate Federation, it has to be a WKF-aligned article of clothing, whether it's your gloves or you have to wear a chess guard, all sorts of things. So I found that WKF allowed for a certain type of hijab. And so I purchased this hijab and I had to wear it because how else am I gonna cover my hair and be able to legally compete? So at one point, a judge comes over to me at one of my first tournaments, and he says, You can't wear that. And I said, What do you mean I can't wear it? He goes, No articles of clothing on your head. So I showed him, I turned my head around, like towards the back where it was Velcro Chut, and there was a little logo that showed WKF. And I said, It's a WKF allowed article of clothing. And he goes, My apologies, ma'am. Continue on.
SPEAKER_01I was like, Yes. Wow. So did that like cover the front of your neck? Or how did it cover your hair?
SPEAKER_00It looked like a bathing cap, honestly. It was like a cloth bathing cap with a velcro closing like towards the nape of my neck.
SPEAKER_01Okay, that is so fascinating. Now, in the Maccabia games, do women only spar with women or they also spar with men?
SPEAKER_00Yes, so it's a men's division and a women's division, and then even within that, it's broken down by age brackets, and then within that, it's broken down by weight brackets. It's very divided.
SPEAKER_01And how did it turn out for you?
SPEAKER_00Thank God I did very well. I got two silvers and one bronze.
SPEAKER_01Good for you.
SPEAKER_00Thank you. The one silver was in team forms, so it's me and two other women that performed forms synchronous, and then the other silver was in was in sparring. It's so long ago, I barely remember. But it is sparring, I believe. And then another one was in team sparring. I think that's what it was.
SPEAKER_01What an experience.
SPEAKER_00It was amazing. It's uh it's a check off my bucket list.
SPEAKER_01What a bucket list. If that's on your bucket list, I'd love to hear what else is on your bucket list.
SPEAKER_00You know, I have to give kudos to Warren, who's my employer, yes, but also my instructor. That when I first started, and I was a yellow belt, he said to me, he goes, Rebecca, because that's what I go by professional. He said, Rebecca, I'm gonna take you to Maccabi one day. I'm gonna train you up, and you are going to you are going to compete in Maccabi. And at the time I was like, oh, whatever, it's sure it's gonna happen. And then as it got closer, I got old enough, I got more advanced in my ranks, I realized it's a real possibility. I can do this. And so it really became something I worked toward, and it wasn't on my bucket list. But uh, kudos to him for planting that seed early on and really getting me to that point.
SPEAKER_01Wow, he really saw the potential. I mean, at a yellow belt, it's you've just barely started.
SPEAKER_00Yeah.
SPEAKER_01Yes, the very first level above white belt. Is that right? Yep. That's unbelievable. He could really see the potential. Okay, so I guess there might be a difference between like back then what kind of other exercise were you doing in now with kids and working full time. What do you fit in now?
SPEAKER_00So now I have what I like to call the golden hour, where my kids get on the bus by about 7:15, and I don't need to leave my house to go to work until about 8.15. So I get into the house after bus drop-off. I go right upstairs, I've got weights, I've got resistant bands, I do body weight exercises, I hit up like a half hour of that kind of training, and then I head to work. But within work, because I teach morning fitness classes and because I do personal training till about 12 o'clock most days, I'm working out with my clients and maybe not to the intensity that they are, but I'm demonstrating everything. There's so much walking around and lifting and moving things that I'm constantly active during the day. And then I have it that because I work in the office from about 12 to 415, 4:30 every day, it could get very, how do I say like stagnant? You're just sitting there, like your whole body just falls asleep. So I have this thing where I try to get up every hour and bang out 10 squats or go into the room next door, they have TRX up on a rig and just bang out 10 rows. Just do something to move my body some more. And then at home, I have a walking pad. So if I'm not too exhausted at night, I'll just turn on the walking pad, walk for like 20 minutes, half hour. If I can, if I can fit it in, great. If I can't, in summers, I'll go walking outside. I have a gym membership, I should probably get back to. But the truth is, I have so much stuff at home and at work, I don't really. And then in the summers, I know you had interviewed Tamima before me, and I play softball with her, and that's every Wednesday night. And that's like if I weren't Jewish, that would be my religion. My religion would be softball Wednesday night. There's there's no messing with my husband knows he cannot work late Wednesday night. If there's any kids' activities, that's all him. Wednesday night is sacred.
SPEAKER_01I love this idea of all of us who sit at a desk can get up and do 10 squats or 10 something every hour. And I feel like, ladies, if there's a takeaway from this, take that away from this interview. It rifki, it's so huge what you just said, because there's a time when we're all falling asleep at our desk in the afternoon after lunch. And at least myself, I'm sort of desperately wanting a 10-minute nap, but really I could just move my body for a minute and probably feel a whole lot better. And for everyone who did not listen to the previous episode where I interviewed Tamima Miller, it was a great interview. She's a fascinating woman. And then at the end, she said, Ellen, you have to interview my friend Rifki. She's so cool, she's amazing. So, okay, here we are.
SPEAKER_00Thanks to Tanima for the shout out.
SPEAKER_01Rifke, is there a spiritual component to your exercise or does Hem come into play with your physical activity?
SPEAKER_00100% yes. Because I cannot be who I am and move my body the way that I do without thanking God every day. And because I'm in the fitness industry and because I see people going through different stages of their life, really within fitness and life in general, because some clients have been with me for over 10 years. I know, I know the ups and downs you can go through. And I thank God literally every day, multiple times a day, for just being able to move the way that I do, for being able to think the way that I think. How can I go through a day not thinking about how thankful I am to God and and how He plays a role in everything that has shaped me?
SPEAKER_01Oh, that is so beautiful. So you mentioned before about like you got to wear the head covering. Do you still wear that kind of head covering, or are you back to the bandana?
SPEAKER_00Or a cap.
SPEAKER_01Okay, and what happened with the skirts and the Maccabia games? Can you wear a skirt or are they not cool with that?
SPEAKER_00You cannot. I think that anybody that's kind of tried to toggle the line between society, like general American society and their religion, I think always comes to this point and says, okay, but but where am I in this line? And for me, I again I didn't grow up wearing skirts. And it was something that I took on myself once I got into high school. And so for me to say, well, my pants that I wear, they're not tight pants, they're not going out on town pants, they're not leggings, they're nothing but pants for me to do my job better. So if I were to wear a skirt, it could potentially hinder my movements, injure myself. It could potentially not allow me to test properly in order to advance my rank. And I try to, you know, I train this girl, she's 14 years old in karate every Friday. And I try to give this over to her that it's you should definitely follow what your parents are doing and don't question that because you're living under their roof and their rules are their rules. But it's okay to think for yourself too. And it's okay to question why do we do this and be open to hearing answers. And it's okay to say this is what I think. And as I get older and I can make decisions for myself, it's okay to allow myself to grow into this religion the way that I feel is going to best suit my needs. And that's not to say go off the path or go, you know, it's just to say sometimes fitting into a square is not easy. And you have to find out how to be a rhombus in a square world.
SPEAKER_01And that's a big part of the reason why you are here. How many religious Jewish women are third-degree black belts? It's such a small, small number, I would imagine. So I'm so glad you're here and you have such an interesting background. Now, do your kids do karate with you or or in another.
SPEAKER_00I have two, I have two boys and a daughter. And my middle guy, my my second son, he did karate for a while. He got to brown belt, which is the step right before black belt. But his interests vary. He's a big sports guy. He loves playing football and basketball and baseball, like all the balls. And so, you know, it's always going to be there for them because I work there. So if they have an interest now, great. If they don't have an interest now, that's okay. As long as they're finding something to be physically active, that's what matters.
SPEAKER_01Totally. Is your family physically active together? Are there things that you guys do together?
SPEAKER_00Yes and no. Depends on the day and the kid. My middle guy, we are definitely, we definitely do a lot of physically active things together. He's a very big Giants fan, New York football Giants. And I found that there was a 5K at Giants Stadium, where it's for whatever their foundation is. And so we ran the 5K together, ran slash walked it. And then we got to be in Giant Stadium doing all these cool things. So he joins me for things like that. We play a lot of football. Together. He's my sports guy. My daughter loves dancing. So we have dance parties in her bedroom and just do silly things. And my oldest guy likes to walk. So I'll take him on a walk every now and then. It's hard to find something that the five of us, my husband included, enjoy doing. But you know, Oceanside Park where I live, Oceanside, it's close enough that we'll go sometimes all together and ride bikes or scooters or there's a field over there. So maybe we'll just run around a little bit. It's just finding something to be together in general is good.
SPEAKER_01I love it. Okay, you mentioned your husband. Does he have a karate background? What does he think about being married to karate mommy here?
SPEAKER_00He's like, he's incredibly strong, but he doesn't do anything to be that way. It's just, you know, it's frustrating when somebody is so good at something, you're like, but you haven't even tried.
SPEAKER_01It's not fair.
SPEAKER_00No, it's not. He's a physical therapist. So the joke was when we got married, is like, oh, I break them and he fixes them. So he he has to stay fit in order to be a physical therapist. He's lifting patience all day long. But no, he's he's like a gym guy. He'll go and he'll lift weights and he'll run on the treadmill, things like that.
SPEAKER_01Cool. All right. So when the going gets tough for yourself and the women that you're doing training with, how do you encourage them to work through it to keep going?
SPEAKER_00Okay, so that's a two-part question of myself and others. When it gets tough for women, I'm very much about this whole exercise isn't just about the physical, it's about the mental and emotional as well. So when the going gets tough for them, it's not usually physical at all. It's mental and emotional. And it's just them understanding that I'm there for them. They can vent to me. I'm not just their fitness trainer that just cares about how many push-ups they can bang out or, you know, how what pounds of weights they're lifting. They can talk to me about what they're going through. But then also for them to understand that by being physical, by working out, it is a release. What I mean by that is that it does release chemicals in the brain to help stay positive. And the serotonin that gets released, right? That's the dopamine. It's good for you to work out because it helps calm the nervous system. And so I remind them of the science behind working out, but it's also coming to them with a kind ear and saying, talk to me, get this off your off your chest, whatever it is, I'm here for you. Because I don't call myself a fitness trainer, I call myself a fitness coach because that's really what it is. I'm just trying to coach them through to the next step and whatever manner that is. And then the second part of the question, which is for myself, I'm a very big self-talker. Come on, Rifki, you can do this. Get off of that couch and just go and work out. Or come on, Rifty, you know you can do it because you used to be able to do it, so you can definitely still do it now, or you're awesome. I'm a very big self-talker because you gotta just find what motivates you. And I guess that's just what does it for me.
SPEAKER_01I love it.
SPEAKER_00But I've worked hard for a positive mindset.
SPEAKER_01So, what do you think? If there's say a woman listening who really is coming from just sitting on the sofa, there isn't that like I've gotten up and done anything, but somebody who's really new to fitness, what do you say to the women who come to you really have no fitness background but really want to start?
SPEAKER_00Yeah, this is a very common question I get. It's choose one day of the week, just one day. I don't care what day it is, and just on that one day, choose one thing you're going to do to be on your journey towards physical health. And even if that means on let's say a every Wednesday, you're just going to do 10 squats, great. Every Wednesday, just do 10 squats and then slowly build up. Maybe every Tuesday and Wednesday you'll do 10 squats, or maybe every Wednesday you'll start doing 20 squats. Whatever it is, I feel like baby steps is the best way to do it because if you try to do too much too fast, nothing is gonna stick. And I feel that way, not just about fitness, but life in general. Building habits has to start small.
SPEAKER_01Oh, I love that. That's so great. And you make it seem so attainable. Like ladies, who among us can't get up and do 10 something? Maybe you can't do 10 squats, but maybe you can do what would be what would be like the gateway exercise or if the easiest push-ups. Wall push ups.
SPEAKER_00Put your hands on a wall and just do push-ups against there because that's easy and manageable, and everybody's got a wall somewhere.
SPEAKER_01All right, ladies, no excuses. We do all have walls, please. God, all right. Before we end, I would like to give people a link if they'd like to make a donation in your honor, Rivki. What organization would you like that donated to? And I'll put it in the show notes if people want to email me at fwim613 at gmail.com, and I'll put it on Instagram and on Facebook.
SPEAKER_00Sure. Thank you. A couple of years ago, I took an art class and they did the art class with all the funds going to a certain charity, and it spoke to me. And it's called Bat Melech. It's an organization in Israel, and it's for women coming from abused homes. I am all about female empowerment. And I'm not a feminist necessarily, but I'm all about female empowerment. And for me, I try to support that organization. Bat melech.
SPEAKER_01Okay, I'm gonna get the exact link and I will put it out, and that sounds so beautiful. And for people who are not aware, Bat Melech means daughter of the king and how perfect that these women should be reminded that despite whatever horrible situations they have been through, they are daughters of the king. All right, Rivki, give us some final thoughts. What else? What did we not talk about?
SPEAKER_00Set goals for yourself, set achievable goals, and set a really big goal far off in the distance. Because when there are goals in mind, you find that your day has more purpose.
SPEAKER_01All right, ladies, thank you everyone who listened. Now let's all go set some goals. And in your honor, Rivki, thank you so much. You've been a terrific guest. I really appreciate it.
SPEAKER_00Thank you for having me. I really appreciate you having me on.
SPEAKER_01Thanks so much for joining me on this episode of From Women in Motion. If you'd like a copy of today's show notes with links to what we talked about, plus photos so you can put faces to the voices, follow on social media or send an email to fwim613 at gmail.com. And if you are a From Woman in Motion, I'd love to hear from you. Maybe you'll be my next guest. Until next time, keep moving forward.