The Power of Surprises in Building Relationships

Hosts Alex and Sabrina summarize Chapter 23 of Paul Schwinghammer’s Building Better Relationships, emphasizing the strategic value of positive surprises in construction. Unexpected, sincere gestures—small treats, handwritten notes, an unannounced cleanup, or a cold drink during a heatwave—create emotional “deposits” in the relationship bank account, releasing feel-good chemicals and forming vivid, lasting associations. While consistency and reliability remain essential, surprises stand out because they show genuine appreciation and attention. Key guidelines: keep gestures authentic (not gimmicky), personalize them by observing and listening, avoid promising them beforehand, time them during stressful moments, and follow up subtly to reinforce sincerity. Over time, these low-cost, thoughtful acts build loyalty, trust, and advocacy, helping clients and teams tolerate inevitable project setbacks. When leaders model this behavior, it spreads into organizational culture, turning transactions into relationships and creating resilient, long-term goodwill.

Transcript

SPEAKER_01 0:09

Welcome back, everyone, to another episode of Building Better Relationships in Construction. I'm Alex.

SPEAKER_00 0:16

And I'm Sabrina. So glad you're joining us today. As always, this podcast is based on the fantastic book by Paul Schwinghammer: Building Better Relationships: A Guide to Enhancing the Customer Experience for Home Builders, Remodelers, and Construction Managers.

SPEAKER_01 0:33

That's right. And today we're diving into chapter 23, which is all about the power of surprises in building relationships.

SPEAKER_00 0:41

Yeah. Surprises. And not the kind where a project is delayed or materials don't show up. We're talking about good surprises, the kind that actually strengthen relationships.

SPEAKER_01 0:53

Exactly. Paul really emphasizes how unexpected positive gestures, whether it's for clients, team members, subcontractors, they leave a deep and lasting impression. It's like making a deposit into what he calls the relationship bank account. We've been talking a lot of this concept on our podcast, how positive interactions deposit into the bank account, and how negative ones, like when things don't go as planned or there's miscommunication, can cause those dreaded withdrawals.

SPEAKER_00 1:25

And you know, it's interesting because in construction, we're so focused on consistency, reliability, timelines, which are all super important. But Paul points out that it's often the small, unanticipated acts that really set exceptional leaders and businesses apart.

SPEAKER_01 1:43

Yeah, it's those moments that tell someone, hey, you matter enough for me to go out of my way. It's not just about the act itself, it's about how it makes the other person feel, valued, appreciated.

SPEAKER_00 1:58

And Paul gets into the psychology behind it too, which I thought was fascinating. When someone receives an unexpected kindness, their brain actually releases oxytocin and dopamine.

SPEAKER_01 2:11

The feel-good chemicals.

SPEAKER_00 2:13

Exactly. So it literally creates a warm, positive association with you. The person giving the surprise. And because it's unexpected, it's often remembered more vividly than something routine.

SPEAKER_01 2:26

Which makes total sense. I mean, think about it. If you always bring coffee for your crew on Friday, that's nice, but it becomes expected. But if you show up on a random Tuesday, during a heat wave with cold drinks and snacks, that really hits different.

SPEAKER_00 2:42

For sure. And Paul gives some great practical examples too. Like, during a demanding project, just handing a team member a bottle of water or a snack without making a big deal about it. It's a quiet thank you. Shows you see them. You appreciate their effort.

SPEAKER_01 2:58

Or for clients, something as simple as a handwritten note, or maybe a small personalized gift, or even an extra service thrown in, like an unexpected cleanup of the job site. It turns a transaction into a relationship.

SPEAKER_00 3:13

And I love how this chapter stresses the importance of doing these things without promising them first. Because once you promise something, the surprise is gone, right? The magic is in the unexpectedness.

SPEAKER_01 3:27

Absolutely. Like if you say in a meeting, hey, by the way, we're gonna bring you coffee next week, it's nice, but it's not a surprise. But if you just show up with it, no announcement, it feels genuine. It feels like you did it just because you care.

SPEAKER_00 3:47

And that authenticity, that's key. Paul mentions that surprises should come from a real desire to add value, not from obligation or as some kind of gimmick.

SPEAKER_01 3:58

Yeah, you gotta mean it. People can tell when it's not sincere.

SPEAKER_00 4:02

Oh yes, they can always detect insincerity. So, how do we make these surprises meaningful? Paul suggests. Observe and listen. Understand what matters to that person. Maybe a client mentions they love a certain local bakery, surprising them with something from there later. That's thoughtful.

SPEAKER_01 4:20

And keeping it simple, small gestures often carry the most weight. You don't have to break the bank. It's the thought that counts.

SPEAKER_00 4:27

Timing too, doing it when they least expect it, like during a stressful part of the project, or after a really challenging day.

SPEAKER_01 4:36

And then following up just to show it was genuine, not like, hey, did you like that thing I did? But more, how's everything going? Anything else you need?

SPEAKER_00 4:46

Exactly. Now, the long-term impact. This is where it really pays off. Paul talks about how these surprises, their investments, they build loyalty and trust that can weather the tough times, the delays, the unexpected issues that always pop up in construction.

SPEAKER_01 5:04

Because let's be honest, every project has its challenges. But if you've built up that goodwill, that emotional bank account with surprises and kindness, clients and team members are more likely to be patient, understanding, even advocates for you.

SPEAKER_00 5:21

Yeah. They become your biggest fans. They refer you to others, they trust you with future projects because they know you don't just see them as a transaction, you see them as a person.

SPEAKER_01 5:33

And it creates a culture, right? If you're surprising your team with appreciation, they start doing it for each other, for clients, it becomes part of how you operate.

SPEAKER_00 5:44

Which just strengthens everything. So, to wrap up, Paul's message is clear. Surprises aren't just nice extras, they're strategic tools for building resilient, rewarding relationships.

SPEAKER_01 5:59

Couldn't agree more. And hey, if you want to dive deeper into this, and let's be honest, you really should.

SPEAKER_00 6:06

Remember, you can purchase your copy. Building better relationships, a guide to enhancing the customer experience for home builders, remodelers, and construction managers. By author Paul Schwinghammer on Amazon and Barnes Noble in multiple formats.

SPEAKER_01 6:22

That's it for this episode, everyone. Next time it's episode 24 entitled Explore All Options Before Acting.

SPEAKER_00 6:29

Oh, that's going to be a good one. Until next time, keep making those deposits.

SPEAKER_01 6:34

And thanks for tuning in to Building Better Relationships in Construction. Bye for now.