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You Are the Answer
"You are the Answer" is a podcast about returning to your body, regulating your nervous system and remembering your own inner wisdom. Each episode blends storytelling, science and spirituality to help you feel calmer, more connected and more empowered in your everyday life.
You Are the Answer
An Almost 11-Year-Old’s Guide To Feeling Safe And Calm
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If you want to understand your child’s nervous system, start by listening to their ordinary day. I’m joined by my daughter Beatrix, almost 11, for a gentle, honest chat about what it feels like to be her age and why the “small” things adults overlook can feel huge to children.
We talk about school pressure and tests, how quickly boredom can kick in, and the quiet worry of what classmates might think. Beatrix shares what she wishes could change at school, why respect matters so much, and what a good friend looks like when you’re trying to figure out where you belong. You’ll hear real child language around anxiety, emotional regulation, and the everyday social stress that can build up without anyone meaning for it to.
We also get practical about calm and overwhelm. Beatrix describes how calm feels in her body, what makes her tense, and what adults might notice when she’s stressed, including going quiet and losing that playful energy. She names what genuinely helps after a hard day, reading, sleep, tea, laughing with friends, and she explains how parents can accidentally make things worse by pushing for a talk before a child is ready. We touch on social media boundaries, the move towards senior school, and what children need from home to feel safe, encouraged, and free to be themselves.
If this conversation sparks something in you, subscribe, share it with a parent friend, and leave a review. What’s one question you’ll ask your child today, then give them time to answer?
Mantra And Welcome
Naomi MillsTake ownership of your wealthy quick fixes or health fans. Whether you're just beginning your journey or deep in transformation, I'm here to guide you back to the truth. You are not broken. You are the answer.
SPEAKER_02Hello and welcome to episode 36 of You Are the Answer with Naomi Mills.
Naomi MillsThank you very much, Miss Beatrix. It's actually episode 37, and thank you so much for joining us back on the podcast. Throughout this series, I've been talking about children's nervous systems, been exploring feelings of anxiety, overwhelm, what it means to be resilient, and I really want to explore more about the pressures and just everyday life that our children are experiencing today.
Why I Invite My Daughter
Naomi MillsSo I'm going to do something a little bit different, and this very special guest might be the first and only interviewee I get on this podcast, but I'm delighted that today I'm joined by my wonderful daughter Beatrix, who is almost 11 years old. And I've made it really clear with Bee, we're just here to have a little chat. It's not about her having any of the right answers or being interviewed, but I would just love to get some insight into her life and nervous system. Because as you're listening, I just wonder if anything that she shares will surprise you or bring up feelings about your own childhood. And perhaps most importantly, I hope that our little conversation today might help you understand your own child a little more deeply and encourage you to ask some of the questions that, to be honest, I probably wouldn't be asking if I wasn't doing this. So thank you so much for joining me, Beatrix. Welcome to the podcast.
SPEAKER_02Hello.
Naomi MillsLet's
Perfect Day And Self Description
Naomi Millslet's just get started. What have you been most excited about this week?
SPEAKER_02I have probably most excited about hanging out with my mum for most of the week.
Naomi MillsThat's very kind. And if you had like your perfect day, what would that look like?
SPEAKER_02It would probably be hanging out with my friends and family.
Naomi MillsVery good. And I thought maybe your perfect day might be reading a new book in the hammock. Was I almost right as well?
SPEAKER_00Yeah. Yeah.
Naomi MillsAnd what are three words that you would use to describe yourself, Beatrix?
SPEAKER_02Fun, creative, and caring.
Naomi MillsAwesome. Those are really good words. And you're 10, they're nearly 11, is that right? Yeah. So what would you say is the best thing about being the age you are now?
SPEAKER_02Probably, Susan, my Susan, my parents can probably tell me. Like stories would it be like when they were a child, and then I wouldn't really know what they mean.
Naomi MillsSo making us feel old. Yes. And what would you say the hardest thing is about being the age you are now? Probably
School Tests And Feeling Pressure
Naomi Millsdoing tests in school. Yeah. And do you find that there might be a little bit of pressure or expectation at school? Elizabeth. Do you want to say any more about that? No. Okay. Perfectly fine. Well, what, Beatrix, is something that adults forget about being your age, do you think?
SPEAKER_02Probably how easy it is to get bored.
Naomi MillsAnd do you think it's a good thing for children to get bored?
SPEAKER_02No.
Naomi MillsYou don't. Not a fan.
SPEAKER_02No.
Naomi MillsFair enough. So
Friendship Worries And Respect
Naomi MillsI wanted to ask a little bit about friends and your feelings, if that's okay. So what would you say makes somebody a really good friend?
SPEAKER_02A really good friend would probably be someone who appreciates you for being yourself and someone who you can like talk to.
Naomi MillsYeah, I think that sounds like a really good description. And do you think that children your age worry about things? Yeah. What kind of things do you think they worry about?
SPEAKER_02Like if they're class like what their classmates might think of them or something.
Naomi MillsYeah. Is there something you would change about school if you could? What would that be?
SPEAKER_02Um probably that probably that everyone is respected no master war.
Naomi MillsI think that's a really good thing we had in school. So if people were kinder and more respectful of each other, do you think that would make everybody feel better about themselves and be a bit happier? Yeah. Yeah.
What Calm Feels Like Inside
Naomi MillsSo if you think about you and how you feel in your own self, what things do you do that make you feel really safe, that make you feel good?
SPEAKER_02Reading.
Naomi MillsYeah.
SPEAKER_02And hanging out with my dog.
Naomi MillsYeah. Perfect. And is there somebody or something that makes you feel calm? Probably my parents and my friends make me feel calm. And can you describe how it might feel in your body when you feel calm and good? How do you know?
SPEAKER_02I just sort of feel relaxed and I don't really feel as tense.
Naomi MillsYeah. Very good. And what kind of things make you feel not relaxed or make you feel tense?
SPEAKER_02Probably if like I have an argument with someone, like I might not feel as calm.
Naomi MillsAbsolutely. And do you ever feel like there's just too much going on?
SPEAKER_02Sometimes.
Naomi MillsIn your body and your mind? How do you know?
SPEAKER_00I just feel a bit like I just feel like a lot of things are happening at once. Yeah.
Naomi MillsThese are tricky things to describe, even for grown-ups be you're doing a beautiful job. What do you think the grown-ups notice when you're a bit overwhelmed or stressed?
SPEAKER_02Probably that you'd stop talking as much.
Naomi MillsYeah, if you go a bit quiet.
SPEAKER_02Yeah.
Naomi MillsYeah. We see less of the playful, fun, loving, giggly side. Yeah. So
Resetting After A Hard Day
Naomi Millsif let's imagine you have had a really hard day, what's the best thing you can do to help you feel like yourself again?
SPEAKER_02I'd probably talk about it and like relax or something.
Naomi MillsWhat are your top three relaxing activities, do you think?
SPEAKER_02Reading.
Naomi MillsReading.
SPEAKER_02Sleeping.
Naomi MillsYeah.
SPEAKER_02And drinking tea.
Naomi MillsDrinking tea. Nice. And is there anything this is a bit of a tricky question. I was thinking about nervous system questions for you. But is there anything you think you automatically do without thinking that helps you calm down?
SPEAKER_00Uh yeah. Like, what do you think?
SPEAKER_02Like laughing with my friends about something.
Naomi MillsYeah, that's a great answer. And is there anything that we grown-ups do, or that you know other grown-ups do for their children, that actually might make things worse, even if we're trying to help?
SPEAKER_02Maybe um maybe if like you might ask them if there's anything to talk, if like if like um if they had a bad day and you asked them if if you want to talk about it, they might say no because they don't really feel like talking, and most parents keep on asking.
Naomi MillsYeah, I think that's a really good point. Thank you very much. That was some tricky questions there. So
Quickfire Clues About Home
Naomi Millslet's change it up a little bit. This one's a quick fire, finish the sentence. Can we do that one?
SPEAKER_02Yeah.
Naomi MillsYeah. So finish these sentences for me, B.
SPEAKER_02I feel happiest when with my family or reading. I feel brave when with my friends. I laugh the most when I'm with my friend and with my gamma and granddad.
Naomi MillsI wish adults knew how to have more fun.
SPEAKER_02My home feels calm when I'm with my dog and we're listening to the radio. My favorite family moment is when we went to Bordeaux and I had the water gun and I kept spraying it.
Naomi MillsYes, and that was you trying to incite fun in me, wasn't it? Yes. Do you remember what I shared with you about how I felt when we did too much of that though? What felt like too much for me?
SPEAKER_02I don't know.
Naomi MillsI think just me being hunted by a water pistol when I was trying to relax wasn't very relaxing. So it's about having a balance, isn't it? So one
Social Media And Age Boundaries
Naomi Millsof the things we've talked about on the podcast, and you and I have talked about as a family, is you will be in a generation of young people that won't have access to social media till you are older. What do you think about that?
SPEAKER_02I think it's probably a good idea. I think it's because like I know some people who are allowed on social media and they don't really know about it.
Naomi MillsAnd do you think it's something you should probably be a little bit older before you get into it all? So if we just start to finish up, I'd love to talk about friendship and belonging with UB. So
Choosing Friends In Senior School
Naomi Millswhat do you think is your biggest challenge when it comes to friendships?
SPEAKER_02Probably choosing the right friends. Can you say more about that? Like you don't want a friend which annoys you too much.
Naomi MillsNo.
SPEAKER_02And you don't want a friend which is like really clingy.
Naomi MillsAnd how does it feel if somebody's clingy or annoying?
SPEAKER_02Like, like they sort of won't leave you alone. They always ask for your opinion, sort of. They're just like, do you like this? Do you want to do this? What do you want to do? You can choose.
Naomi MillsAnd do you feel like the school environment can sometimes have pressure then between friends and your classes and everything?
SPEAKER_02Yeah, because when we get into the senior school, there's like form rooms and then different rooms.
Naomi MillsSo it's suddenly a lot for you to navigate, isn't there?
SPEAKER_02Yeah.
Naomi MillsAnd so what do you think would be the most important thing I could do as your parent and us at home? Because knowing that school's quite a busy, overwhelming kind of social place and mental place. What do you need from home?
SPEAKER_02Probably like they could like encourage you to do things. Like if we find things difficult at school, they could encourage you.
Naomi MillsYeah. And do you think it would be helpful if we give you space to do all the nice things that you find restful and relaxing? Yeah. And listen when you're ready to speak, but don't push you too hard. Are those the kind of things you were trying to share?
SPEAKER_00Yeah.
Naomi MillsDid I miss anything? Is there anything you want to correct me or add? It's perfectly okay. No? So what are you really excited about as you get older, Beatrix?
SPEAKER_02I'm probably really excited about going into the senior school and like making new friends and like seeing like how big and like how different the schools can be.
Naomi MillsGood. That's good to be excited. And what's something that makes you feel proud of yourself?
SPEAKER_02Probably probably my family and like some of my accompl and my accomplishments.
Naomi MillsYeah. Now I've asked
What Keeps Me Encouraged
Naomi Millsyou a lot of questions today. Is there I sorry. Is there something you'd like to ask me?
SPEAKER_02What what encourages you to what encourages you to be who you are today?
Naomi MillsThat's a lovely question, B. That feels like a big question. Do you know I think something I've learned, and we've talked about it in our little chat today, whether you realize it or not, is the more we move towards things that make us feel happy and relaxed, and if we can bring that into our work and into the way we set up our life, that's what keeps me excited about my life today. So making sure like we went for a beautiful walk earlier, didn't we? And we got a new bird in the house this weekend because we were sad our old bird died and we were all really missing the bird. So I think that's what keeps me going. This constant refinement that I'm doing at this stage of my life, I would love to hand to you now where you are at 10, realizing what not just what makes you feel good in a short-term way, but actually what makes you feel relaxed and happy and fulfilled and brave and accomplished, all the things that we've said, and doing more of that. And yeah, hopefully, did that answer your question okay? Yeah. Well, B
Ask Better Questions At Home
Naomi MillsChicks, thank you so much for helping us understand what life feels like through your eyes. You know, none of us have the perfect answers at any stage. I love that you've reminded us that it's all quite simple. It's about slowing down, being aware of each other, and having more fun. I'm definitely going to take that one away. So, listeners, perhaps after hearing this little conversation, which has surprised me in places to be honest, we haven't rehearsed this and we haven't re-recorded parts, we've just gone with what is inspired by we had a little chat beforehand about the kind of things we're going to talk about. But I really hope it encourages you to ask your own children some of these questions with curiosity because I've definitely learned something about my beautiful daughter today, and I think understanding our children's nervous systems really starts with understanding how they see things unfolding in their own lives. Because I know through all of these episodes, we have to make generalizations. So hopefully, you will go and get really specific with your precious people at home. So thank you so much for listening. Do join me next week. Would you like to say goodbye, PJ? You are the episode of today's episode.