Reflection: The space between your old life and what comes next

There’s a space where your old life no longer fits, but what comes next hasn’t fully arrived yet.

It can feel unclear, frustrating, even like you’re doing something wrong.

In this episode, we explore that in-between.

Not as something to rush through, but something to meet yourself in.

A grounded reflection, with a perspective shift and a short visualization to help you feel it, not just think about it.

Transcript

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Welcome to the Negna Stadius Podcast. Here we will explore fear, patterns, and what is meant to lead yourself through life. So today we're gonna talk about something that is mostly not talked about, and that is when you let go of something, but the new way haven't really arrived yet. So you're in this state in between the old version of you, the old conditionings and the new. And this space it can feel very empty, it can feel very confusing and even wrong, we can feel very lonely, and like nobody understands us anymore. And then if we think about why we are there, what is the reason for that old life not working anymore? It can be that the conditions that we were using before was to help others and we were overgiving ourselves. It can be that we didn't put boundaries around people to protect ourselves, or trying to be needed by other people, like to be seen, heard, or even loved. And in this you can lose yourself, who we are. And we would call this kindness, we would call it giving to others and being helpful, and that can absolutely be true, but it can also become a self abandonment disguised as care. So what is it that happens in us when we let go? We let go of this old life that we've been living that we don't associate to anymore. We don't want to be in it. Maybe we sit with the same people that we've been around for many many years and it exists, it's comfortable, but it doesn't develop anywhere. It doesn't become deeper, it doesn't become broader, it doesn't expand you or help your growth. And you stop chasing, you stop chasing the confirmation from others, the love, the way you want them to treat you. Because it comes to that point where that way of being doesn't work anymore 'cause your surrounding can't give you that. You can give it to yourself. And when we stop doing all of these things, we stop giving ourselves away and let people walk all over us because we're conditioned to believe that if we just help a little bit more, they will love us, they will give us what we need, we will feel that we are worthy. But in reality we got used or people took us for granted. And when we decide not to stay and continue doing that, it becomes quiet because your old ways doesn't work, and your new ones they haven't shaped yet. They haven't shaped completely. So when this quiet feeling emerges in us, we start having fewer people around us, fewer people who understand, maybe we cut contact with people who we known for a long time. And that decision is very strong because it also creates less validation. We won't find the validation from outside of us that we are doing great, something that would give us a newer life, a freedom, and we will have less interactions, we will sit by ourselves with a lot of emotions, a lot of things coming up that we don't know how to handle. It's important to have that time to feel and listen to what comes up. But it creates a misunderstanding because that feeling, the uncomfortable feeling in the body that we need to go back to what's familiar. That's where we start to think that something is wrong, that what we're choosing is wrong. So we think that we should go back and start feeling guilty because we finally stood up for ourselves after so long. Because it's new, the body don't know what this feeling is. And the nervous system starts to create false thoughts of what you should do and not do because the only job the nervous system has for you is to keep you safe. And it's gonna make you feel safe in what was familiar to it. Because you're not lacking anything, you're not lacking the ability to grow. You are just in recalibration. Becomes very uncomfortable and the mind starts to fix. You should just search for another relationship because then I'm gonna feel loved. But the relationship is not the problem. It's that you can't face sitting in those uncomfortable feelings for long enough until something changes. And we will get impulses, we will believe that if I just listen to this impulse everything will be fine. But that's just your nervous system trying to keep you safe. Every time we feed it, every time we go back to that old pattern, we listen to the impulse, or we feel that guilt. Instead of sitting with it, what we do is that we escape it by listening to the conditions our mind is telling us. So what does this face actually require of you? It requires you to trust yourself to know that you will be able to handle all of the situations coming up to you and knowing that that is not the way I want to live anymore. And it can be staying in your boundaries, not going back to what you just outgrew, and still show up in life and letting things build slowly, not go back feeding that loop of small endorphins of joy for a moment. Because when we try to rush it, we're putting ourselves away from where we want to go. And to have this groundness about who you're actually becoming, it's someone who doesn't abandon themselves anymore. It's someone who doesn't need to be needed. Someone who can receive and not just give away themselves. So if you would close your eyes for a moment and you would imagine you lived your whole life in a small house. It's familiar you know exactly where everything is. You know how the doors sounds when they open, how the floor feels under your feet, and which window the sun goes up through every morning. But the air has always been a little bit heavy. Not enough to make you leave, just enough to make you slowly shrink without noticing. And one day something in you shifts not dramatically, not loud, just a quiet knowing I can't stay here anymore. So you begin to pack. And this is where most people misunderstand the process, because leaving doesn't feel like freedom at first. It feels like a loss. You take down the things that once meant something maybe a picture of a loved one. You see who you've been, the ways you've been adapted all the years of being constantly drained and tired, the ways you stayed too long, given too much and made yourself smaller to be accepted. And there's a part of you that whispers, but this is all you know and still you decide to leave. You walk out of the house, and now you're standing outside. And this is the part no one talks about because there is no new house yet, no clear direction, no walls to hold you, and no identity to lean on. Just an open space, a big field. And at first it doesn't feel expansive. It feels exposed, because behind you is everything that used to define you, and in front of you is nothing you can yet recognize, and this is the in between. This is where your old conditioning starts calling you back, not because it was right for you, but because it was familiar. It says come back. At least here you know who you are. And your body might respond to this with restlessness, with loneliness, with the urge to fill the space with something anything just to not feel this unknown feeling. But here's the truth you are not lost. You're unconditioned. You are not empty, you are making space. And this space is not a mistake. It's a requirement. Because the life you're meant to build next cannot be placed on top of who you used to be. It needs room. And so you stand there, maybe uncomfortable, maybe questioning, maybe feeling like nothing is happening. But something is happening. Your nervous system is learning that you don't need to go back. Your identity is loosening its grip. Your patterns are no longer running the show. You're becoming someone who can choose instead of someone who reacts. And slowly, your eyes begins to adjust to the open space. What once felt like nothing start to reveal possibility not all at once, but in glimpses a direction, a pull, a sense of maybe over there. And this time you don't run back to what's known. You take a step forward. Not because you feel completely ready, but because you trust that you don't need to be that. And that is where your new life begins. Not when everything is clear, not when you feel secure, but right here in the moment you choose not to go back. And there is a quote that says that you can't read the label from inside the jar. And what it really means is that when you're inside your patterns, inside your conditioning and inside the way you always thought, reacted and related, you can't see it clearly. Because to you it just feels like reality. It feels normal and it feels true, and it feels like this is just how life is. But the only way to actually see it is through what life reflects back to you, through your relationship, through your reactions and through what keeps repeating. That's the label of the jar. And most people try to fix their life without stepping out of it. So they try to think their way out from the same place that created the pattern. But you can't see clearly from the same position that keeps you stuck. And that's why this stage, this in between you're in, is so important. Because you're stepping out of the jar, even if it feels uncomfortable, even if it feels unclear. You're finally in a position when you can start to see. And it's funny because this is one of those simple things people sometimes connect to. Something that sounds almost too simple to matter until you actually experience it yourself. Because when you're inside it, you try to understand. But when you step outside, you don't just understand it, you actually see it. And before we end, I just want to take a moment to share something with you. Cause if this resonates and if you feel like you're in the space right now, I've created something called the Red Cottage. It's a space that I open up for people who want to come back to themselves, to understand their patterns, why they do as they do, and to learn how to lead themselves through life. It happens in nature, surrounded by others who are also choosing to show up, through simple practices, conversations and being present together and individually. And there's nothing you need to fix before you come here. No demands, you just come as you are. And I offer both gatherings and workshops depending on where you are and how deep you want to go. These gatherings and workshops they are in Sweden and they are in Swedish as well. And you can find all the information on my website nelignstadius. And if you're curious or you have any questions, you're always welcome to reach out.