Reflection: Become a builder instead of a survivor

You spend years reacting, preparing for the next problem, and waiting to feel ready.

In this episode, we explore the difference between surviving and building, why awareness alone doesn't create change, and how the smallest actions can become evidence for a different future.

The question isn't whether you know what needs to change.

The question is: what are you building from here?

If you'd like to contribute your own experiences and perspectives to the method I'm currently developing, you'll find the form here ↓

The question form

Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:08

Welcome to the Nelligna Stadius podcast. Here we will explore fear, patterns, and what is meant to lead yourself through life. You suffer more from what you think is true than from what's actually true. You can assume someone dislike you. Assume that you will fail. Assume that you know what another person feels. Assuming you know the outcome. When you make an assumption, it can feel like safety. Because it creates a sense of certainty that you are correct. And it becomes a mid between state where you assume something but you don't actually know what's true. So it keeps you safe from not getting rejected, hurt, sad, but it also holds you back from the truth that may help you become more of you. Because if you ask for clarity, the moment you ask really gets a chance to speak. Not because the answer that you may receive is not always pleasant, but because now you're dealing with something that's real. Because you may have a relationship, a business, a friendship that's standing on the line of change, either good or bad. You don't move forward through certainty. You move forward through clarity. And the truth about those answers that you're waiting to receive from something, or that you're avoiding to actually gather, they're not gonna be always what you want to hear. They can hurt. That someone may not love you, someone may not actively choose you, someone may not want what you want. A business idea might fail, but reality is still kinder than living inside a fantasy. Because reality gives you something to work with. But when you gather all of that information of the situation that you're in, you have a responsibility of that knowledge. You can know what drains you, you can know what fulfills you, you can know which relationships are unhealthy to you, and you can know which habits hurt you. Sitting eating chips and Coca-Cola every night is not gonna make you get more energy. It's just temporarily filling the gap between you and what's actually true. It's an avoidance. You can know that you do all of those things to yourself and still do nothing. So the question becomes what are you gonna do with what you know now? I just created a form that is connected to the method that I'm building. A method that's gonna be built on human reflections and what is it that disconnects us and connects us to a self again? And how can we live a sustainable life over time? I asked ten people ten questions. The people were between twenty eight and forty nine years old. And they were asked exactly the same questions. So what was it that stood out? Well, it's not the lack of awareness. Almost everyone knew what made them feel calm, what drained them, what they longed for, or what they wanted more of. The challenge wasn't awareness. The challenge was living in alignment with that awareness. So what is the difference between being in survival state with awareness? And what is the difference between being in a builder mode with awareness? A survivor reacts before they reflect. They make decisions to avoid pain. They focus on immediate reliefs, tries to control outcomes, struggles to trust themselves, and they live in what if a builder pauses before acting, makes decisions based on value, thinks long term, gathers information, takes responsibility and live more in the mindset of what is what is in front of me? What can I do with what I have in front of me? For most of my life I thought survival was completely normal. I didn't even know that I was in survival. I thought being anxious was completely normal. I thought constantly preparing for the next problem was normal, expecting that everything could go wrong. I thought having to manage everything by myself was completely normal. At first I didn't realize that my nervous system had been trained to expect danger. Because the awareness came first. I was aware for many years, but awareness alone didn't change my life. My body was still reacting as if danger was present. Because you might know that you're safe. Logically, you have roof over your head, you can pay the next month of bills, you have food on the table, you can have a little bit of room of moving, but you don't feel safe. And to be able to go from survival into builder mode, it's not gonna happen in one single moment. It's not gonna be a one big jump from the roof and everything is gonna be fine. It's hundreds of thousands of teeny tiny moments that you implate in your life. For example, brushing your teeth every day, and not skipping. Cleaning your home, make sure it looks nice, paying off a debt instead of going buying that chips and Coca Cola. Asking a question instead of assuming or keep a promise to yourself. And those things sound small, but they are all evidence for your system. And evidence is what slowly convince the nervous system maybe we're not surviving anymore. Okay, but how do you then know if you're surviving or that you're building? Well, it's not by looking at your bank account one more time. And it's not by looking at your relationship status. It's not looking at your job. But it is by asking Am I spending most of my energy protecting myself from life? Or am I spending most of my energy creating a life? Because it is about how much more of your energy is going toward creating instead of protecting. That's the builder. And I get it, it's not fun to receive all of this information from life towards yourself, and you have no idea what you're gonna do with it. You can put it in a box and store it under the bed, but it's not gonna help. It's not gonna become better by pushing it further under the bed and ignoring it. Sooner or later it's gonna come to you. You're gonna have to choose whether you brush your teeth every night or you do it just twice a week because you feel why would I? They're clean, they work, they function. And it will be hard, it will not be fun all the time. You might even not know the first step, but your vision and your dream and your thoughts of where you want to be is so much bigger than your current reality. But the first step may not be moving across the whole country. It can, but it can also be showing up for yourself every day in those small teeny tiny millions of moments. A survivor asks how do I get through the day? A builder asks what am I creating? A survivor reacts. A builder responds. A survivor avoids the information. A builder seeks it. A survivor hopes that things can change. A builder take the next aligned step. The goal is not to stop feeling uncertainty, stress, doubt or resistance. The goal is to keep building even when those things are present. Because a builder doesn't control the outcome. A builder changes their relationship to the process. You know when you're choosing short term comfort over long term growth. They're chips in the Coca-Cola. Because you're not lacking information, you're lacking implementation. Because the hard part isn't seeing the truth. The hard part is taking responsibility for what you do with it. Not to be perfect, not to change everything overnight, but to start building instead of surviving. And the beautiful thing is that building doesn't always look that dramatic. Sometimes it looks like finally saying no instead of yes. Sometimes it looks like having an uncomfortable conversation. And sometimes it looks like keeping a promise to yourself when nobody is watching you. Those moments don't feel important when they're happening, but those moments becomes your life. Stop waiting for the perfect moment. Stop waiting to feel completely ready. Take the information that you've already been given and ask yourself what can I build from here? Earlier in this episode I spoke about the method and the project that I'm currently developing. So if you're listening to this and you feel curious about these questions, or to contribute with your own experiences and perspectives, you are very welcome to participate. I will post a link to the form down below in this episode. And you will also find it in my link tree on my social media.