Insight: The old brain and the new brain

The hardest part of change isn't knowing what to do.
It's recognizing which part of you is speaking. 
In this Insight, we explore the tension between the old brain and the new brain, and why awareness alone isn't always enough to create change.

Transcript

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Welcome to the Nellegne Stadius podcast. Here we will explore fear, patterns, and what is meant to lead yourself through life. Do you experience occasionally that you have two voices speaking in your head? One of them might be a little bit louder than the other. One of them might say I don't want to do that anymore. And another part says But this we do every Sunday. This is something that we're used to doing. So we continue doing it. And that feeling of continuing comes out of habit, something that happens every Sunday. But that other voice it's very quiet. Or it can be a part of you that knows exactly what you want. That voice is certain, it's straightforward. But then it's another part of you that keeps getting pulled back into something else. Something that's familiar. You know that relationship isn't right. You know seeking validation will not give you what you're looking for. You know that that bad habit you have is not helping you anymore. You have internally made a decision to do something else, but you're still not acting on that new voice, and you continue to go back to that old voice. And that feels frustrating. It feels like being between two worlds of not knowing what to choose. You assume that you're doing something wrong by listening to that old voice. But both of those parts are trying to help you. The old brain is not there to try to sabotage for you. That's how it's wired. It's wired to try to keep you as safe as possible to get back to what's known. It learned a strategy years ago and that became a pattern in your system. Because that strategy once created what felt like safety, connection, belonging and certainty. So when life becomes uncertain and you're on the way to change from that old voice to that new voice, it will offer you the same solution again. Not because it's the best solution, because to be quite honest, it's not really good for you in the long run. But because that's the solution it knows. It's the only solution it's been given. Meanwhile, it's this other part of you that has begun building something different. A different life, different relationships, different standards to yourself, new boundaries, a different way for you to relate to yourself. And then you feel tension, your body feels tight. It feels like something isn't really correct here. The old brain tells you let's do what worked before. The new brain says we don't need that anymore. Neither part is bad and neither part is your enemy. It's for you to recognize which part of you is speaking before you act. And that brings us back to awareness. Yes, you can be aware for a very long period of time, but without actually listening to that new voice. Because if you think about it, many of these things appear almost every day. These two voices are standing in the battlefield together. A participant I spoke with recently was having a discussion with a carpenter. She knew exactly what she wanted. The carpenter disagreed and explained why he didn't think it would work. And somewhere in the middle of that conversation another story appeared. Not what he was saying, but what she imagined he was thinking. He's probably thinking I'm difficult. He's probably thinking I'm stubborn. He probably thinks I'm one of those people who always want things their own way. So I asked her did he actually say any of those things to you? And she said no. The carpenter had opinions about the project, but the rest of the story had been written somewhere else. That is what the old brain does. It takes what is happening now and it's mixing it with what has happened before. Past experiences, past wounds, past disappointments. And before you know it, you're no longer only responding to reality. The old brain will keep speaking. The old fears, the old stories, the old ways of creating connection, safety and belonging. The difference is that today you can hear them. And when you can hear them, you can choose. Not everything deserves your attention. Not every fear deserves your obedience. And not every strategy that once kept your safe belongs in the life you're building now. And once you repeat and you repeat and you repeat what actually feels more aligned with what you're building today. That old brain don't have that much power anymore. It may come up in new situations, new experiences, but you can handle it differently. Because growth is not to become someone completely new. It's learning to recognize who is speaking before you decide who gets to lead.