You deserve to be cared for! | Suzy Reading | Can You Hear Me?

Our nourishment serves everyone and our depletion serves no one!

In today's episode of 'Can you hear me?' Kelly is joined by Suzy Reading, chartered psychologist, yoga teacher and author of ten books on self-care, wellbeing and healing.

Suzy shares with Kelly her extraordinary journey from the sunny beaches of Sydney to a career built on helping people come home to themselves. From a two month holiday that turned into a life in the UK, to navigating grief, new motherhood and burnout all at once, Suzy's path has been as human as it gets. Her latest book How to Be Selfish is not what you might think. It is a powerful seven step guide to reclaiming your mind, your body, your feelings and your voice so that you can finally allow yourself to be cared for as well as caring for others.

*"Our nourishment serves everyone and our depletion serves no one."* Suzy Reading!

Find Suzy and all ten of her books at suzyreading.co.uk and on Instagram at suzyreading

#reading #selfcare #wellbeing #reclaiming #burnout
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Who is Kelly Saward?

Kelly has been presenting radio shows for a while, and has often been asked if these shows can be heard again many months after the show has aired, listeners wanting to listen again. She heard what was being asked and now brings to you …

'Conversations with Kelly'

Can you hear me?

She wants to hear you, and shares here what's been heard so far. We all have a story, we all have something of value to share, we just need a safe space, the right ears, and a deep trust in what is felt. I'm beginning to understand the rest speaks for itself.

I invite you to listen in, get in touch, and if you'd like … be curious to live the question!

Do you want to be heard?

Do you need an interviewer or host, just get in touch.

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#SuzyReading #HowToBeSelfish #CanYouHearMe #ConversationsWithKelly #KellySaward #SelfCare #Psychology #Wellbeing #MentalHealth #HealingJourney #Resilience #SetBoundaries #SelfLove #Mindfulness #NervousSystemHealing #YouDeserveCare #SomaticHealing #PersonalDevelopment #WellbeingBooks #ComeTrueToSelf

Kelly Saward in Conversation with ...

Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:00

We're gonna hand straight over to my first guest, Susie. Good morning. Good morning, Kelly. Thank you so much for being here with me today. Thank you, darling. Before we dive in, do you want to do a little dedication for that last track?

SPEAKER_02 0:13

I would love to. So that was for my dear friend Jen.

SPEAKER_00 0:17

Happy birthday, Jen. Oh, there we go, Jen. Stay with us because Susie's going to be here till 11 and we're going to be talking all about you. So, Susie, first of all, before we go into your latest book and your work, just tell me where you were raised. Because from your beautiful accent, although I know you are now not too far away, tell me a little bit about you, how life started out.

SPEAKER_02 0:39

Okay, so I grew up on the sunny northern beaches of Sydney. And I yeah, I lived there until my early twenties before moving to the UK accidentally. Tell me about that accident, what happened? It was meant to be a two-month holiday, and I'd gone straight from school to university, and I'd done six years at university, and so coming for this holiday, it was like, wow, this is this is exciting, and I had such a good time. I thought, why? What I don't need to go back. And thankfully, I had a British passport, so I was able to stay a little longer, and yeah, so a two-month holiday turned into seven years. Wow.

SPEAKER_00 1:17

That's amazing, isn't it? So you came over here, and with was there a lot of disappointment back home that you didn't return, I imagine?

SPEAKER_02 1:25

Well, yes. I mean, my mum has no one to blame but herself because she was the one that said go to the UK, have a little holiday. So, um, and both my brothers were living here.

SPEAKER_00 1:35

So Oh, okay. So you had family here.

SPEAKER_02 1:37

I had family here, and thankfully my mum and dad came many times. So we've we've we've made lots of memories here as well. So you haven't looked back? Do you I wouldn't say that. Um I wish I could clone myself or I wish I could teleport. It would be wonderful to be able to click my fingers and be back back in my spiritual home, but I'm very grateful for the roots I've put down here and the opportunities that have come my way.

SPEAKER_00 2:00

Yeah, yeah. And you can go back there many times, I'm sure, to holiday, can't you?

SPEAKER_02 2:04

I I can actually say we're going next month.

SPEAKER_00 2:08

Wow, that's exciting. That's lovely. Oh, we're all tingly. I'm jealous that you're gonna have all that sunshine. So, where did you land up when you came to the UK? Where did you where did you put your first roots down here?

SPEAKER_02 2:20

Okay, um Marlebone. Marlebone was my first uh place of residence. Um I started working in a gym there. Um when I first decided I wanted to stay. Um, there were some parts of my degree that weren't recognised by the British Psychological Society and having just gone straight from school to uni, I didn't fancy doing any bridging courses, so I just fell back on the part-time job that I was doing as I was going through uni. What I didn't realise was that Australian PTs are held in very high regard here, and I had a pretty thriving business in no time. So, yeah, that was in the heart of Mollerbone.

SPEAKER_00 2:58

That's amazing. So you did psychology at uni, and then you brought that over here and then just started doing the personal training aspect initially. And how long did that last for?

SPEAKER_02 3:07

So I worked exclusively exclusively as a PT for about seven years, and in that time, I think my clients knew they were getting a little bit more than just movement. I used to sort of jokingly say you're getting therapy by stealth. Um, you know, we're working working out what's on your mind while we're working your body. Um but you know, I tell you what, I have no regrets about that chapter because it was so informative. That's really where I learnt that there was no separation between mind and body. Um, I also did yoga teacher training qualifications at that time, and that for me was an incredible bridge between the mind and the body. And um yeah, so it was a fruitful time, and it's definitely informed my work today. So even now as a psychologist, um, people will get some kind of movement practice, some kind of breathing practice. It's all a really important part of my toolkit.

SPEAKER_00 3:58

Because you cover a lot, don't you? So you're not just doing one thing.

SPEAKER_02 4:01

So explain to us exactly now what it is you're doing, what's your title, what you cover. So I work now as a chartered psychologist. Thankfully, the BPS have accredited my work, so I'm able to practice uh as a psychologist. Um I would say that I support people through stress, loss, and change, but that's that's my that's my bag. Um, and I also have a very special interest in helping people heal their relationship with self.

SPEAKER_00 4:30

Yeah, I want to dive into that. Before we do, when when did the shift happen? So you came over here, you did the PT, you were always obviously connecting to the parts that you really love, that mind and body, and bringing it into the experience that you shared with people. But when was the shift where you thought, okay, this is lovely, but now I need to really dive back into the psychology? When did that happen?

SPEAKER_02 4:52

Beautiful question. Life experience. So I moved back to Australia with my English husband. Um, we wanted to start a family, and I thought it would be easier to start a family back home close to my parents. Little did I know that my father was very, very unwell. Um, and he had a breathing failure when I was 40 weeks pregnant. And I spent the next seven days saying last goodbyes to dad, and you can imagine how exhausted I was before giving birth. Um, and how I think the best description I can give of that is I just felt energetically bankrupt post-labour. Um, and it took me probably about two years to claw my way back to vitality. My dad actually survived for 15 months, but he was in his lifetime there was never a diagnosis, so without a diagnosis, there was no prognosis, no treatment, and it was it was an excruciating time. Um it was posthumously diagnosed as motor neuron disease.

SPEAKER_01 5:59

Right.

SPEAKER_02 5:59

Um, so it was yeah, a really long drawn-out period of wishing things to be to be different, but then feeling terrible about the reality of what that meant.

SPEAKER_01 6:10

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 6:10

Um, but in that time, I learned a lot about myself. And it wasn't that I didn't have a very healthy relationship with myself. I had um, you know, an expert self-care toolkit at my fingertips reach, but in that collision of life events, and I think this is something that's very common for people, when you need it the most, that's when it feels out of reach.

SPEAKER_00 6:32

Yeah, I hear you deeply there, because you're kind of on high alert, aren't you? And in survival mode, I suppose, with everything going on with your dad and bringing a new life in to the mix and changing, even though that's your home, you still have left a life here and you're readjusting, aren't you? So that's a lot of change and shifts for you to manage.

SPEAKER_02 6:51

A lot of grief, yeah. A lot of grief. A lot of grief, and so many of the things that I would ordinarily do to sustain myself, they just weren't accessible. But in that that life squeeze, I didn't have the creativity or the resourcefulness to come up with other other alternatives. But I have now. My daughter's now 15. But that's that's where this tool cut tick toolkit comes from. It's yes, there are the qualifications, but it I think it's my lived experience that's really set me on this path to to helping people establish healthy habits and and life-giving skills, because it's not just about practices, it's it's skills that I think can change the lens through which we see life.

SPEAKER_00 7:32

I think you so there's so many things I now want to ask you, but I think it's really important what you shared there that despite having all your own skills for all of us at times in our lives, no matter how equipped you are, things can throw you off, and life experience is invaluable, isn't it? And we've all got that unique blueprint, haven't we, of what we can bring to this world. And you're using that now going forward. And in challenging times, it can go to the wayside because you just haven't got the time to prioritize. So I'm really grateful for you sharing that because I think anyone listening, you know, you feel like a failure, don't you? If you think you know something and then you you are not able to do it or not show up in the same way, it can feel like failure.

SPEAKER_02 8:14

I think that's such a good point. I think we've got to a come to some understanding of resilience that somehow suggests that we should be unaffected by life's blows. Um, I feel really passionately about demystifying what resilience is. It doesn't mean that we're immune.

unknown 8:34

No.

SPEAKER_02 8:35

And and I would defy any human being to to have those life experiences unfold and be unaffected. Like that would be unnatural.

SPEAKER_00 8:43

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 8:44

So, you know, it's not failure. The the normal human response to tough times is to struggle, and it's okay to struggle. Yeah, it doesn't mean you're failing, it just means that life is really hard, and any human being would find it similarly tough. And I think probably the most healing words I've ever heard was being told, of course you feel as you do. Any human would, and it's okay to feel like that.

SPEAKER_00 9:06

Yeah, it's just that permission, isn't it? Just knowing that it's okay to be with what is, because otherwise, on top of what you're already feeling, and another word you touched on, which I want to come back to, is grief, because I don't think there's enough um highlight around what grief is for people, not only in death, but in life, you know, when you move through a different cycle or a change and you're feeling these overwhelming feelings and can't label them, so burnout in the process of this you know, superficial corporate resilience word, which has become it has become sort of like a power thing, hasn't it? And it like you've just shared just so beautifully, it's really not at all, and people are under so much pressure. They are, yeah. So much. Yeah. Susie, thank you for being in this morning. It's already a pleasure. It's such a delight to be here. Thank you, Kelly. We've just been sharing so much, and before we dive back into how you met your husbands, we're going to share an exercise which you're going to lead if that's okay.

SPEAKER_02 10:08

I would love to, yes. I'm hoping everyone can free up their hands or make a little mental note to come back to this when that's possible. But what we're going to do is grab a drink, something life-giving, and we're going to add a somatic hold to it. So, what we're going to do first is locate your drink, have it within fingertips reach, and then rub your hands together to create warmth. Just feel how that action brings you into an awareness of the present moment. And then tenderly place one hand on your heart and feel the warmth of your hand penetrate your chest, and take a couple of breaths, just feeling the anchoring nature of hand-on-heart gesture, bringing you into connection with the here and now, and into connection with your body. Keeping the hand on your heart, let's locate your drink. And take a little sip with the hand on your heart. And just notice how that gesture changes the sensory experience of drinking. Yeah? How did it feel, Kelly?

SPEAKER_00 11:27

It does feel completely different, just slowing down your awareness. I mean, it's a richer experience. Yes. It's almost as though you can feel the water traveling all the way through and the connection with it, whereas it's something we absent-mindedly do all the time.

SPEAKER_02 11:43

You don't even notice what's past your lips. No. Normally. So this is something that I would encourage everyone to do. In fact, every time I drink, I put a hand on my heart. Because it just reminds me that there's an opportunity to check in. So with this ritual, we could add a couple of little prompts. And the first prompt is, where am I at? Without judgment, let's just notice what is happening head, heart, and body. Take a little scan of your body, just notice if there's any areas of tension or discomfort. There's an opportunity to do whatever you need to do to ease that if something is available to you now. And then being on the lookout for different emotional tones. There's no right or wrong. We're just making space for all of them, allowing them all to be there and just considering is there some kind of message in that emotion for us today? And lastly, just checking in with your head. Where's your head at? What's the nature of your thoughts? We just notice. And this information gives us clues to what it is that we need. So the second prompt is, what do I need? And it could be as simple as I need to get up and out of my chair, um, I need a moment of connection, maybe I need some daylight. Nothing grand or elaborate required. Can we just gently tend? And can you imagine how life would change if we did this at regular intervals?

SPEAKER_00 13:08

Yeah. It's so powerful. I mean, even just for myself there, just pausing and being with that, it's just like what's here for me right now? Well, there's just a lot of heaviness, actually, you know, and when you think about although I'm in this experience and enjoying this conversation, like the past days, you know, I've realized there's a lot, and if we acknowledge that heaviness, like, what do I need? And I think, well, actually, I just need to remember to pause a little bit. And it's like you said before, we listened to that last track. We it's it's human nature to forget some of these things and not fit it in, but we can come back to them, and just that simple pause just is so rich, you know, it brings so much. So thank you for sharing that with us.

SPEAKER_02 13:52

Oh, you're welcome. I hope it's something that yeah, we want to repeat often. And for anyone that finds it hard to remember, that's a really good one to start with.

SPEAKER_00 14:00

Yes, thank you. Well, we're gonna come on to more of your work. So if you have just tuned in, Susie is a chartered psychologist, also an author, and you were a PT, which we've touched on. There's so much more, just heart, mind, and body, you're encompassing it all, aren't you? In whether you're sharing it through writing or one-to-one or however that may be. But before we talk about your books, um, I'd like to just hear how you met your husband because that was fed into our conversation. You went back to Australia, but you obviously met here in the UK.

SPEAKER_02 14:30

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 14:30

How did that happen?

SPEAKER_02 14:32

Very randomly in a bar in Hampstead. I was with a uni friend looking at her holiday photos, and this was long enough ago that she'd actually had her holiday photos printed out.

SPEAKER_00 14:44

Oh, I love that.

SPEAKER_02 14:45

And we were sitting and looking at her snaps, and and my husband and his friend came over and took the Mickey, and we spent the rest of the evening in fits of laughter, and that was that was it.

SPEAKER_00 14:55

You haven't looked back.

SPEAKER_02 14:57

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 14:57

Oh, that's lovely, isn't it? And you've got two children now.

SPEAKER_02 15:01

Yeah, yeah. So we we met here. Um I'd already decided to stay, so I can't blame him. No. It was not his fault. I'd already been home once but and come back again. But yeah, we moved to we moved to Sydney together. Um for what I thought would be forever, but that turned into five years. And having had the the honour of being with my dad in his last chapter, we decided to move back here because his father was in end stage heart failure. So we we moved back to be with him. We've been back for nearly wow, my son is eleven, so we've been back for twelve years, because I moved back here when I was expecting.

SPEAKER_00 15:37

Wow, so it's funny, isn't it? Because you moved to Australia expecting. Yeah. Move back to the UK expecting. So those chapters. Oh, I love that. Well, we're very grateful that you're back here so that we can have this conversation. So let's talk a little bit about your book. So you've published not one but many books.

SPEAKER_02 15:54

Yeah, this is number 10. That's amazing, isn't it? I've had many opportunities, I'm so grateful for those. So the first nine were about self-care. Uh, but this I needed to write this one for several reasons. Um, because I think either people are still not feeling comfortable to engage in self-care, you know, they're not in agreement about how important it is, but they still feel like it's not okay for them to do it. Or alternatively, and this is something that I'm seeing increasingly, women are very diligent in caring for their health. They're doing all the right things. Yeah, exercising, um, honouring their sleep needs, feeding themselves, hydrating themselves, being really careful with um you know, visual diet, all of that stuff, and we're still feeling fried and frazzled and full up and fed up. And the reason is self-care alone is not enough. We need to receive. So that's why I needed to write this book to either help people break the barriers to caring for self, but also further than that, allowing them to receive love and care from other people.

SPEAKER_00 17:02

It's so important, isn't it? Because obviously, you've had your writing journey sharing about self-care, which is important. Can I ask you, what was it that led you to writing? Have you always loved writing?

SPEAKER_02 17:14

I have. Kelly, I always wanted to be a writer, and I'm glad you asked because I get to share my most magnificent um experience of failure.

SPEAKER_00 17:23

Great, please, Dave, go ahead.

SPEAKER_02 17:25

Right. So um at school I decided I wanted to do a communications degree. I worked my butt off, I got a fantastic mark, and I missed out on that communications degree entry by point two of a mark. It was really competitive, um, which meant I couldn't do the thing that I really wanted to do. But thankfully, my wise old brother said, Suze, you know how to write. You don't need to learn how to write. Go and study something that eventually you might write about. And um I was a figure skater growing up. I had an interest in sports psychology. I was always interested in helping other people and personal development, and so I did a bachelor of psychology. Halfway through that degree, they said, if you want to be a psychologist, now you've got to do a master's as well. I thought, all right, okay, do masters as well. So, and now, I don't know how many years later, probably more than two decades later, I've written 10 books about personal development. So my brother was right, and that failure wasn't you know the end of the world that I thought it was, it was a course correct.

SPEAKER_00 18:34

That is I love that. Also, I want to ask you about figure skating now. There's so many things. My daughter really wants to do that, she hasn't, but it's something that we've spoken about before. And um, well, I can totally see you doing that actually. Amazing.

SPEAKER_02 18:47

It's a silly sport for Australia. There aren't many Australian figure skaters, but yeah, I loved it. And the the Olympics that have just gone, oh my goodness, gosh, that was breathtaking watching how the sport has evolved. Yeah, and the characters and the kind of there are some real heroines. It's amazing.

SPEAKER_00 19:03

It is a very inspiring. And that's a real kind of mind-body movement sport, isn't it? Which you know is undervalued essentially or not known about. There's not as much awareness around it, but I can just imagine, even with what you do now, you really got to feel into the whole experience.

SPEAKER_02 19:19

Absolutely. And that, yeah, through through skating, I found yoga. And so now I don't skate anymore, but I have yoga is that form of self-expression.

SPEAKER_00 19:26

That's lovely, isn't it? So that failure basically led you to what you were meant to do. And I think something you said there, which I think is fundamental for people, because when I'm having these conversations, if someone hasn't got someone in their corner, it can be very, very difficult to believe in yourself and take that next step. So you obviously had a passion for something that you're really good at, and you're now embodying it, and it's you know, just proven you're a writer, you're an author, that is you know part of who you are and like what you're doing and sharing, and it's amazing. But with your brother's support, you know, you know when you've got someone that just gives you that yeah, because at school we sure want teachers that unfortunately kill dreams, don't they? And there's a a load, a lot of brilliant teachers as well that make people think, yes, I can do this, but it's so important the the words that we absorb.

SPEAKER_02 20:20

It is, yeah, we need someone in our corner, absolutely, and you know that's that's exactly what my work is now evolving towards is is reminding people that it's okay to need other people.

SPEAKER_00 20:35

Yeah, we really do, we really do. So, what was the the shift? So you've got done nine books, different books, which are widely available, which we can get anywhere. So if anyone's listening and want to dive into them, can you give us a little sort of sprinkling summary of some of those? What was your very first book?

SPEAKER_02 20:53

Okay, first one was self-care revolution, and I wrote that at the time where self-care was not well known. I can remember my agent, she's a very astute agent. She said to me, Can we call it mindfulness? Because that's big. And I said, uh-uh, there's this is the thing, trust me. And then um there were three or four titles that came out on self-care within a matter of weeks of mine coming out, so you know, we were definitely writing the crest of a brand new wave. So that was my first, and then I've just had the opportunity to write for different groups. So there was Stan Talleker Mountains that was written for parents and children. I had an opportunity to write a kid's book. That's this book will help make you happy. I loved having the opportunity to write that.

SPEAKER_00 21:39

That's lovely. Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 21:40

And then I've just taken a deeper dive. There's Rest to Reset, Reframing Our Relationship with Rest, Self Care for Winter. That was uh that was the one previous to How to Be Selfish. So yeah, different applications of of how we can nourish ourselves. But I I needed to write how How to Be Selfish because what I was seeing in my consulting room. It was um client after client coming in with this real gaping hole of not enoughness. And so many of my books I wrote them with the the intention to help people overcome the barriers of I haven't got enough time, I haven't got enough energy, I don't have the funds, I don't have the physical freedom to go and do these things that I want to do. But the fundamental barrier that still remains for a lot of people is feeling unworthy, feeling undeserving. And so I needed to write a book that would help people overcome that barrier.

SPEAKER_00 22:34

And I love that you've done this because you've obviously got a huge passion in people developing self-care practices. You've reached this point, and we discussed earlier when you arrived that it's really, really important to be cared for, which you wanted to touch on. And that being cared for, if you don't feel worthy and you don't feel valued, you don't want to let people help you because you don't think you're worth it. So essentially being selfish is that form of self-care, but in the opposite, and it's so important we look at the opposites, isn't it?

SPEAKER_02 23:05

It is. Yeah, that's a great question, Kelly. Opposites. We think of okay, if you if it we all want to be self-selfless. So what's the opposite of selfless? It's selfish. Uh-uh. The opposite of selfless is actually boundried. Yeah. Yeah. It's it's self-advocacy. And that's really what how to be selfish is all about. It's helping people come home to self so that they can know themselves because we are so distracted and disconnected, left, right, and center. It's it's quite a subversive act to come home to self so that we can understand ourselves, respect ourselves, value ourselves, and then we can build that the sense of safety and confidence to give voice. Because it might be super loud inside our heads, but unless we've articulated it or unless we're in a relationship with a highly sensitive person who was in tune with us and who can forecast our needs, like potentially we can forecast theirs, we're gonna have to get skilled in saying, Sweetheart, please could you know be direct, make these requests, and allow ourselves to receive the support and love that's offered to us because so many people don't even feel like that's okay. It's here on a platter and it's still like, oh no, that's but a good human being doesn't need anyone else.

SPEAKER_00 24:21

Yeah, yeah, exactly that.

unknown 24:24

Right.

SPEAKER_00 24:25

I can't believe how fast the time's going. There's a lot I want to ask you, but I really want to make sure that we cover your book, your latest book. So we're gonna play another track for your friend. Remind me of her name. Jen. So Jen is celebrating her birthday today. We're gonna play a bit of top loader for Jen, wishing her a happy birthday morning. Then we're gonna come back for the final part, we're gonna dive into. And if you could share some of the steps and the tips with people, that would be really great. So stay with us. If you've just tuned in, you're listening to Good Morning Marlowe with Kelly Sayward, and I'm joined by Susie Redding. The time has absolutely flying. We've had some tips, we've heard all about Susie. She shared some wonderful things. So if you have missed it, you can listen again. Just go to marlowfm.co.uk, select good morning Marlowe, and today's date, 17th of March. But it's not over yet, Susie. We have come to the last part of our conversation, which I'm sad about because I've got so much I want to ask you. Um, but it's just been so insightful, and it's really, really important the things that you're actually sharing and writing about. And we've come to the point of talking about your latest book, and you've got seven powerful tools in there and how important it is to be selfish. So I wonder if it feels okay if you could share a little bit of that with us.

SPEAKER_02 25:36

I would absolutely love to. Yeah, so this book is a deep dive into all of the reasons we've been led to believe that it's not okay to focus on self. It helps people understand why they're so phobic of being seen as selfish, but also why we revere selflessness so much, because we've got to unpick these beliefs that keep us stuck in hyper-independence and in people pleasing first. But then the second part of the book is really practical, and it's the seven steps to taking back our power and our peace. And it's a scaffolding of skills. So we we need to start with step one and we need to grow our capacity from there. And I want to just own up and just say, do you know what? I'm gonna spend, I turn 50 next year, I will probably spend the rest of my life trying to nail these things. So it's not like you've got to nail step one before you can move on to step two, but there is there is a scaffolding of the skills. So the first step is I reclaim my mind, and this is where we've got to get our mind on side. But that might look different to what most people expect because normally clients will come to me saying, I want to get rid of this thought, I have to get rid of this thought or this feeling. It's not about that, it's about changing our relationship with our thoughts. And I hope this is quite transformative. We don't choose our thoughts, our thoughts come to us. If you don't choose them, you don't have control over them. So we can quit trying to massage our thoughts. Like, let's give up on this positive thinking thing. However, what is important is that we get our self-talk on site. So that first thought that comes to you that says, I can't be selfish, I can't focus on self, I can't lean on others. We hold that up to the light and say, This is just a thought I've just had. I don't need to invest my identity or my belief in this. I can see it for what it is, and I can take action even though this feels uncomfortable. Yeah? So it's it's getting our mind on side. That's step one, and that's a challenge, isn't it, Kelly?

SPEAKER_00 27:34

It's a huge challenge, Susie, just to be able to do that. And I think knowing that you are not your thoughts is one of the biggest life-changing turning points for me I personally ever had.

SPEAKER_02 27:46

Yeah. Not all thoughts are true, not all thoughts are facts, not all thoughts are a prediction or a prophecy. We can just let them come and we can let them go. But what's really super important is that we speak to ourselves with dignity and respect. That's a non-negotiable. We have to get on our own side. So that's step one. And then step two is I reclaim my attention. And what that's talking about there is that we need to notice where our attention goes. And this is so much about reawakening our senses. So that's why that practice we did earlier of hands on heart, having a sip of water, really enlivens our senses again. Because if we want to be able to soothe our nervous system so that we can speak up for ourselves, it's via the body. Now, how do we connect with the body? It's via the senses. So you can see how we're building this scaffolding. So step two, I reclaim my attention. Step three, I reclaim my body. And I think if I had to choose only one chapter that I loved the most, it was that one. Because if you think about the volume of toxic nonsense that we've been told about what a good body is, what it's for, who it's for, oh, you know, that's juicy stuff. So step three is I'm taking my body back for me. Thank you very much. And part of this is learning how to soothe our nervous system so that we can give voice.

SPEAKER_00 29:02

Something really interesting that you said there, and you touched on it earlier, is how you know your recorrection of path, and we sometimes lose practices and we forget to do certain things. With these steps as well, obviously it's how to be selfish, which people aren't comfortable with, are they? And you're going through these steps, and it's okay to not get one right and keep coming back, isn't it? Oh, absolutely over. Because there are a lot of perfectionists out there that I know, and if they don't get step one, they won't even look at two, you know. You can you cannot get that and and move on and have to come back again. I mean, we all forget, don't we? Yeah, and we all get lost in thought. That's perfectly natural. Yep.

SPEAKER_02 29:39

It's just the skill is in noticing. Oh, hang on. Yeah, that's that's a diversion, just we come back on track. But we can do that without a character assassination, we can do it with tenders and tenderness, and that's why step one is so important because it's all about our relationship with self. Yeah, yeah, it's not about being selfish, it's about being self-ish, knowing self and speaking up on behalf of self.

SPEAKER_00 30:02

Yeah, because we spend all this time getting to know other people, but we just and it's like what you said earlier, you know, being cared for. We're caring for others all the time. Why do we not deserve the same compassion and the same care? Everybody deserves to be cared for.

SPEAKER_02 30:20

They do. They do. I love those words. I think that that those words need to be re repeated. You deserve to be cared for. You are someone worth caring for. Yeah. But how many people have heard that? Yeah, we've been told you must be caring, you must be loving. But we don't hear enough that it's okay to be cared for. That actually it's not just for our well-being. We need it for the health of our relationships. Because when we deny others the right to care for us, it's actually a form of rejection.

unknown 30:53

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 30:53

And it can be really hurtful, not being able to be of service to someone who you really care for and want to want to give of yourself. And you're told, No, no, no, I'm good, thanks.

SPEAKER_00 31:02

One of the hardest things I think in that as well, in that being cared for, is knowing where you have to step away from things. Because I've noticed in my own life, yeah, understanding some of this as well, that actually the hardest decision is when you think you can love someone or something, or and that chapter has come to its natural end, maybe for now, because it's not safe, and that's okay.

SPEAKER_02 31:26

Yeah, it's okay for there to be limits to our kindness. Part of this um, you know, the seven-step process is the the next step is I reclaim my right to feel. Now, part of that is is helping people own their emotions, and and our emotions are clues to what we need to feel safe and healthy. So we need to listen to these things. And if there's something saying to us, do you know what I need I need some redirection here? But for people who are really grappling with this notion of selflessness, um, who feel like you've got to be relentlessly kind. Well, the fact is it's okay to have boundaries to your kindness, and it's okay for your kindness and your generosity to also include yourself. That's not a transgression of your values, that's actually a more honest, authentic, and complete expression of them. So there's an opportunity for here for us to. We've talked about recalibrating our relationship with our thoughts, our feelings, but also with our values. So if if kindness has looked a certain way for you up until this point, it's okay to hold that to the light and say, could this do with a little massaging here? Some recalibration. What could kindness look like in my night life now? And also include myself. Yeah, it's so important.

SPEAKER_00 32:41

So can you reset uh recap steps one to four?

SPEAKER_02 32:44

Yeah, so step one to four, we've got I reclaim my mind. Step two, I reclaim my attention, step three, I reclaim my body, and step four, I reclaim my right to feel. Now we've already talked a little bit about step five, which is I take back my moral compass. So this is where we've seen what we've been told a good human being looks like. Step five is we get to choose what we think an aligned life looks like, but there's also that opportunity to recalibrate our values and find flexible expressions of them. And then the last two steps, I prioritize myself. This is all about our boundaries with self. Now, normally we think of boundaries as being with other people. Step six is all about your promises to self and what is it you need to feel safe and healthy in relationship with yourself? What does a well-lived life look like for you? You know, the granular things of what are the healthy habits that I need in my day for me to be able to do what's required of me. Because normally we're thinking of our to-do list. What do I need to do? The question I want you to ask yourself is what do I need to do what's required of me? We need to be resourced, we need to be nourished so that we can be the people that we aspire to be.

unknown 33:55

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 33:56

Susie, is I can't believe how fast this time is going. Um, it's been so inspiring to listen to you, and we're coming to the end now with our time together. Oh no, but we haven't done step seven yet. I know. So I think we're just going to talk all the way out to the news, and we'll play your we'll play your song into the sec the next hour. So we've got another few minutes. So tell us step seven, because I also want to share where people can find the book, find out about you. Okay. And just a little tip for anyone that's listened, what they can do right now to start on this seven-step journey.

SPEAKER_02 34:26

Okay, so step seven, this is really important. We've reclaimed all of these aspects of self. The whole point of this is empowering us to give voice to our feelings and needs so that we can be understood by other people. When they understand us, they can be there for us. So this is where we get direct and say, Sweetheart, please could you fill in the blank. Yeah?

unknown 34:49

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 34:49

And how how difficult that can be.

SPEAKER_02 34:52

Absolutely. It's not easy, but it is a skill that we can learn, and sometimes we need to get our nervous system on side. It's not just a matter of get confident and give voice, it's also a matter of get confident and speak up with the right people. The people who are safe, the people who have our best interests at heart. They're the people that we practice with.

SPEAKER_00 35:10

I think that's key what you said there. It's just start feeling safe and small steps, just uh and even that um lovely practice you shared with us with hand on heart, that is nervous system regulation, isn't it? Tiny things. And I remember when I had the pleasure of seeing you before, you cupped your face. Yes, the face hug.

SPEAKER_02 35:27

Yes, let us do the face hug. Now, for anyone that's feeling uncomfortable about being more transparent or honest in relationship with other people, yeah, we need to soothe our nervous systems. So we can do that by a little rub of the hands together, create some warmth, and then tenderly cup your chin and your hands, let the fingertips curl around to your temples, and just notice how nice it feels to be held. And a couple of calm, relaxed breaths there to resource you. It's okay to lean on other people, it's okay to receive, it's okay to prioritize yourself. The world needs resourced people.

SPEAKER_00 36:04

Yeah, yeah. Oh, thank you, Susie. We've only got two minutes. So can you share where everyone can find you, your book, and a takeaway tip to take them into their day?

SPEAKER_02 36:17

Please come and hang out with me on Instagram. I have a beautiful community of giant-hearted people who gather there. I post a daily love note. My intention is to inspire others, but I tell you what, the kind exchanges in the comments, there's so much juice there. So don't just look at my post, look at what lies beneath it. And all of my books there are in my bio. And I tell you what, if there's any any one of my books that you would like to get, go to your local bookshop. If they haven't got it, they will order it in for you. And this is how we can yeah, spread spread this word that it's um it's okay to nourish self. Our our nourishment serves everyone, and our depletion serves no one.

SPEAKER_00 36:58

It does. Oh, Susie, thank you so much. If you want to find Susie, susie reading.co.uk and your Instagram handle, Susie. Just Susie Redding. Oh, I've loved it. I could go for another hour asking you questions. It's been so wonderful. We'll have to do a part two. Thank you for sharing your time with me. Happy birthday to Jen. And yeah, just thank you so much. It's just so important and I love the work that you're sharing. Well, thank you for filling me up. Thank you for this beautiful exchange. Thank you.