What Happens After You Quit Drinking? The Part Nobody Talks About

What happens after you stop drinking… and suddenly have all this empty space in your life?

In this episode of the Alcohol Myth Podcast, coaches Jonathan and Ellen explore one of the most overlooked parts of changing your relationship with alcohol: figuring out what comes next.

They introduce the powerful idea of “seeds and switches”: Switches help you get through difficult moments without drinking. Seeds are the long-term practices, passions, and relationships that slowly build a meaningful alcohol-free life.

From yoga and journaling to creativity, fitness, purpose, and rediscovering who you are without alcohol, this conversation dives deep into the uncomfortable but beautiful transition that happens when alcohol is no longer the center of your life.

If you've ever wondered:
“What do I even do without drinking?”
“Who am I without alcohol?”
“Why does sobriety feel empty sometimes?”
“How do I build a fulfilling alcohol-free life?”
…this episode is for you.

In this conversation:
✔ Why alcohol-free life can feel strange at first
✔ The “garden” metaphor for recovery and growth
✔ How to rediscover interests and passions
✔ Why experimentation and play matter in sobriety
✔ The danger of outcome-focused living
✔ How alcohol blocks personal growth
✔ The importance of compassion and patience in recovery
✔ Why “seeds and switches” work together

The Alcohol Myth Podcast helps people rethink alcohol without shame, labels, or rock bottom narratives. We believe freedom starts with understanding what alcohol is really doing in your life.

📩 Reach out with questions, stories, or future episode ideas:
thealcoholmyth@gmail.com

Connect with us:
Email: thealcoholmyth@gmail.com
Jonathan: https://livecreativeaf.com/
Ellen: https://ellenbiggscoaching.com/

Subscribe for more episodes on pulling back the curtain on the alcohol myth.



#Sobriety #AlcoholFree #QuitDrinking #RecoveryJourney #SoberLife #ThisNakedMind #MentalHealth #PersonalGrowth #MindsetShift #AlcoholAwareness

Chapters
00:00 The hardest part of rediscovering yourself
00:41 Why the world treats alcohol like the answer
01:20 What happens after the early days of quitting
02:08 “What do I do with all this time?”
03:06 The garden metaphor for alcohol-free life
05:05 Seeds vs. switches explained
05:41 Ellen’s first alcohol-free “seeds”
07:41 “Who am I without alcohol?”
09:17 Creativity, drawing, and learning to play again
11:33 Why adults stop experimenting and exploring
13:24 What were you really cultivating while drinking?
15:04 Dreams that finally grew after alcohol
17:12 Watering your garden with alcohol vs. growth
19:08 Why seeds and switches must work together
20:51 Be patient and compassionate with yourself
21:47 Practical advice for building your alcohol-free life

Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:00

One of the hardest things for me was actually listening to myself and figuring out what I am drawn to, right? Like what am I interested in? I'd spent so long tuning myself out self-obliterating that it took a little bit of time. It was kind of this like weird, difficult, liminal space that I was in where I knew who I wasn't anymore, but I didn't yet know who I was becoming and I didn't know how to get there. And it was pretty freaky. It kind of, you know, it definitely was in the forest there for a little bit. Why does the world act like alcohol is the answer, even while it is creating problems of its own?

SPEAKER_02 0:44

On the alcohol myth podcast, we pull back the curtain so you can see what's really going on with alcohol and what life could be like without it.

SPEAKER_00 0:51

We're coaches trained in this naked mind and effective liminal psychology who fell for the alcohol myth for decades. Now we help people take back control of their lives by changing their relationship with alcohol from the inside out.

SPEAKER_02 1:03

You don't need to wait for a rock bottom. You don't need more willpower. You just need a new way to understand what you are feeling and why you are reaching for that next drink.

SPEAKER_00 1:12

So let's dig in.

SPEAKER_01 1:24

Hey, I'm Ellen.

SPEAKER_00 1:26

And today we are talking about how do I navigate this alcohol-free life in the long term? So last week we did an episode on how do I get through moment zero to you know, like the end of the day. As you're thinking about questioning your alcohol, you're gonna find more and more areas in your life where alcohol had this huge presence. One thing that not enough quit lit or uh, you know, alcohol-free podcasts and stuff talk about is the vast amount of time, space, and energy that you're gonna find yourself with when you start to cut alcohol out of your life. And today I think that the the real lens is what do I do with all this time? Well, if I'm not and if I'm not drinking alcohol most of the time, like I was, what do I fill that with? And how do I continue to have a life that feels fun and fulfilled and meaningful? Um, that can be a big fear for people. So, Ellen, when we talk about this, what comes up for you?

SPEAKER_01 2:38

Yeah, I'm just thinking about. So last week we talked about switches, which are like quick things you can do in the moment to maybe be able to make a better decision about whether you're going to drink or not that night. But let's say you you're successful, right? And you're not drinking, you're not drinking, you're not drinking, or maybe you are still drinking and you're like, why can't I get any traction on this? And so often it's like what Jonathan was describing. I had this image of we have like this garden, right, that we have not been tending to because we've been just drinking. We've been drinking, and there's weeds in this garden, and we haven't really been tending to the things in our life that are going to sustain us in like well-being, right? Because we've been spending so much of our time just drinking or masking how our feelings are, right? So we need to start to plant some seeds, and seeds different than switches, they don't impact us in the moment. We have to plant them, we have to tend to them, we have to water them, we have to, you know, feed them, we have to do all the things that we have to do to have these seeds turn into, you know, plants that will turn into blossoms or trees or whatever things that we want to fill our life with. And like any garden, we need to figure out what do we want there. This is our beautiful life, our beautiful garden that we get to decide what to plant, what to focus on, where to put our energy. And sometimes we don't know what to fill that space with. Like I mean, when Jonathan, when you were just saying you, there's this all this empty space, it it that empty space can feel terrifying. It can feel like, well, I better just drink then because I don't know what to do with this time and I my life is empty. There's what what what's the point if I can't, you know, we can we can end up having this narrative that we, you know, without alcohol, life is not worth living. I mean, I kind of had that thought myself, like take away alcohol and like, what's the point? Well, it's because my garden was empty. And so planting seeds are the things that we can start to do that take some time, take some effort, take some repetition, take some energy, and we can do that alongside using the switches when we need them in the moment.

SPEAKER_00 5:04

Mm-hmm. Yeah, that's the thing to really internalize about the idea of seeds is that it's an investment. I'm putting it a little bit now and a little bit over time in order to yield amazing results in the future. And very practically, you know, some of those things are uh exploring creative expression, and some of those things are um health and fitness and wellness related. Um Ellen, what are some of the like big seeds in your life that you've been tending? What are you doing with your garden?

SPEAKER_01 5:40

You know, it's so interesting. Uh so there were some things that I did right away that spoke to me, which were um, you know, walking more gym. I went to the gym a lot initially. Um, I started doing yoga, which I was like the anti-yoga person, but there was this one class at the gym that I went to that I liked the class. It was a gentle yoga class. It was, I think it was called surrender, which was very fitting for me at that moment. And it was at 7:30 at night. So it was like it was both a switch and a seed because it was something I could do in the moment to keep myself from drinking. And it was something that over time I came to love. And it now it's a practice that sustains me. Journaling is another one. Like I was the anti-journal. I was like, stop telling me to journal. I was so irritated with the whole idea of that. And now, you know, gradually over time, I just started being like, Well, everybody's saying this is a good idea. Let me try it. And now it's one of my most favorite practices. Um, you know, I friendships, like nurturing the friendships that actually are reciprocal. And I feel seen, and I feel like it's a mutually beneficial relationship. I mean, this coaching practice has been a huge seed. Like I'm just so interested in this work and just have poured myself into it. And it's, I mean, the fruits of this labor, you know, that was a lot of time and effort and money to to get here. But it's like, I mean, my tree is bountiful and full in so many ways because I put in that time and effort. And I think for everybody, it's gonna, you're gonna be drawn to different things. And and you might be terrified because you might not know what you like, you might not know what you want to do. And that's okay too, you know, just having that experiment mindset. I mean, I know you've you've had a lot of different endeavors yourself. I'm curious how you approach this.

SPEAKER_00 7:41

I I love what you said about the like A, it's gonna look super different for everybody, and you're gonna feel drawn to different things. One of the most shocking things to me, navigating the whole idea of like looking ahead to a life that didn't feature alcohol as a as a primary thing that I was doing, right? As as part of my what's your hobby? Well, at the end of the day, drinking. What's your personality? Drinking, right? Like, I mean, if I cut alcohol out of that, what what's left? The one of the hardest things for me was actually listening to myself and figuring out what am I drawn to, right? Like, what am I interested in? I'd spent so long tuning myself out and self-obliterating that it took a little bit of time. It was kind of this like weird, difficult, liminal space that I was in where I knew who I wasn't anymore, but I didn't yet know who I was becoming and I didn't know how to get there. And it was pretty freaky. It it kind of, you know, it it definitely was in the forest there for a little bit, but slowly you start to pick up on like, oh, this like interest or this impulse, or what if I what if I actually allow myself to explore that? What would happen? Um, and it's blossomed in so many different directions that I couldn't have possibly conceived of. Uh, you mentioned the coaching business. That's a huge I think of it as a creative endeavor. My coaching practice is creative AF, right? Like that is uh it's been unbelievably rewarding and challenging and beautiful and interesting and uh you know, connecting. It's it's wonderful. Outside of that, I've just gotten better, so much better at at listening to and taking action on those tiny little impulses and insights. Like I found myself recently really frustrated that I'd go to uh my wife is a fiction author, and we're doing these live events where she's selling books, and you know, people are so they they light up to like meet the author and get you know their book signed. And um, at these events, too, were all these artists who are selling amazing artwork, and I've always wanted to learn how to draw, and I've always said, you know, like, well, I can't really do that. I can't really do that. And you know, this past couple of weeks, I've been like, I can probably figure that out, right? Like, and so at the moment, a seed for me, like that I'm watering, cultivating, and being very gentle with, is I'm exploring what it looks like to learn how to draw. I'm in my late 30s. It's the result is less important than the trust in myself to move it forward even imperfectly, right? Uh, I think for so much of my life, like the one of the big reasons I was drinking was like wanting to do everything at 110. Everything's got to be perfect, everything's got to be outcomes focused, everything's gotta be at the very tippy top of you know, a level, push, push, push, succeed succeed, you know, output, output, all that. So it's like an actual, I would say even spiritual exercise to do something that intentionally that isn't um outcome focused, right? It's more like process focused. So I don't know, that's a big word salad, but that's something that just kind of sprung to mind.

SPEAKER_01 11:33

I love that so much because I I think that one of the things that holds us back from trying new things, from experimenting, from like getting curious about what we might want in our garden is that we think, oh, well, I can't do that because I won't be good at it, or I I don't know how to do that, or you know, we're looking into the future and being like, well, other people do that. That's not something for me. And this is really like dropping that narrative that we need to make any decisions about anything. Like we're just it's play, you know. We we're we're trying things just to play and figure out if we this is something that lights us up or not. And I mean, one of my favorite expressions lately that I use in my life and also with my clients is that we're not tattooing anything, right? Like we're just like this is we're just gonna try it and see. Like, let's just play around. And that spirit of play and discovery and curiosity, I think we we lose it, we lose it as adults because everything is to exactly what you said. It's so outcome driven, it's so results driven, it's so like well, I it's only worth doing if I'm gonna have something to show for it at the end. And oh, how like suffocating is that? And and I think we all live in that space. And so what if it's like, well, you know, we're planting this garden and you know, purple might look terrible next to pink. I don't whatever, I don't know. I'm saying something silly, but like we don't know what it's gonna take seed and grow. We don't know what we're gonna like or not like, but we're not gonna sit back and be paralyzed and not put any seeds in the ground because we don't it's not gonna be perfect.

SPEAKER_00 13:24

Yeah. Which you were just saying, the again, the idea of like having things be right the first time. I was thinking about and and being super outcomes focused. I was thinking about when I was drinking, you know, what outcomes was I I was the big narrative I had in my head was that I'm you know, I'm outcomes and deliverables driven and you know, like results. What result was I investing in on the daily in my drinking days? Right? Like what am I cultivating? What am I watering in my drinking days? My poor liver? Like, I mean, what is what are you what are you investing? And so when you when you drop that and you start investing in things that aren't just drinking all the time, your life ends up as this, like, I don't know, it's just this like so much more can grow because you're not spending all your time, I guess, like watering gravel or something, right? Like you're actually, if you put anything down, you're going to have more than you had while you were drinking. And I hope that that's a word of encouragement to people who are thinking, like, oh, if I give up alcohol, life is going to be colorless or bland or not exciting. No, you're gonna find that when you do literally anything besides just drinking alcohol the time, the things that start to sprout up in your life are vibrant and um more uh more interesting than you could even anticipate.

SPEAKER_01 15:04

I I think that's such a good thing to point out because I know like for me, some of the seeds that I had been trying to plant, I I, you know, I shared this in my story that I like I knew that I was drawn to helping people. I knew that I wanted some sort of meaning or purpose in my life. I I was actually using it as a tool to not drink. Like I was like, God, if I just could get more excited about this other thing, then I would just naturally drinking would fall away. And so I, you know, I went back to school to get a master's in counseling. I did a a coaching certification. But because I was watering those seeds with alcohol, you know, they never had a chance to grow and get strong and blossom. And when I switched out the alcohol for just like actual water and removing the thing that was impeding their growth, that was when everything took off, you know. So you may already have seeds that you've planted that you know you have this passion, that you love cooking, or you have a dream for a business you want to create, or you've been thinking about writing a book, or you've been, you know, whatever your dream is, you want to start a business, you want to start uh uh, you know, watching dogs for money because you love dogs, but you know, and all of a sudden, without drinking, you have the wherewithal to, you know, buy the fertilizer because you have money to buy the fertilizer, you have the time to water for them and make sure they get enough sunlight. You, you know, it it's a metaphor for you know, just you you you can you just switch out the liquid from alcohol to water and suddenly things start to grow. And it's I experienced that. I mean, you you share that about your exercise routine, right? Like you can be very you can already have a seed knowing that I I know that exercise makes me feel good. And I exercise four days a week, and then the weekend comes, and then I overeat and I don't exercise, and I'm back to square one. Like you never get anywhere.

SPEAKER_00 17:12

Um I the I just the the very powerful image of having a garden and then like what are you pouring on it? Are you pouring alcohol on it? Are you pouring like water on it? Uh, I think is very powerful because like my my exercise, my fitness was something that I was like stepping into and something that I wanted to grow. And then every night I was watering that practice with alcohol. And of course, the things that I was planting and like you know, I said were so important, they weren't thriving. But all of a sudden, when I'm instead, you know, putting something on it like, you know, clarity of mind, intention, discipline, you know, like all these things that I didn't have access to before I got right with alcohol, uh, everything started to grow and like has gotten so much more amazing than I ever thought was possible. I think it's a very, very powerful, very poignant uh kind of metaphor for uh what's what's possible. And I was also thinking when you were um talking about like, you know, having these dreams, these aspirations, these things that you want to do. And if you're drinking, then you're not moving those things forward because you're doing the same thing all the time. You're likely hanging out with the same people that are also only interested in the same thing. So the idea that you know we can uh we can shake up all of it by breaking free and taking back control of our relationship with alcohol is very, very powerful. And you know, just because it hasn't worked yet doesn't mean that it won't work, right? Like if you have this dream of starting your own business or something and it hasn't worked yet while you're struggling with alcohol, that doesn't mean that it's not going to work after you figure it out. You have much uh you have a much greater chance of things working out after you kind of do this work.

SPEAKER_01 19:08

100%. And I think um to tie this back to last week's episode, and if you haven't listened to that yet, I recommend you go back about the switches because these things kind of work in tandem, you know, like the switches we need in the moment to to switch our state, to give us the opportunity to water our garden, right? So we have to be planting the seeds that we want watered, and then we have to have the wherewithal to choose water over wine, you know, and um so it's really thinking about, you know, as you think about changing your relationship with alcohol or maybe doing a 30-day challenge or a seven-day challenge or whatever. These two tactics, the seeds and the switches, really go hand in hand because the switches are fabulous for the short term. But if you're only doing switches and you're not building your garden, you're gonna have end up with a maybe, maybe you won't be drinking, but your life will still be pretty empty. So I just think it's so important that we think about the seeds and switches as going hand in hand, because if we are only relying on switches, we're gonna end up having success not drinking, but not building the life that we want, not tending to that beautiful garden. And if we're only working on the garden, but we're continuing to pour alcohol on our garden instead of water and nourishment, then we're that garden doesn't have a chance. So it's a it's a two-pronged approach and um they just go so nicely together, that quick fix of a switch while we're slowly, gradually, gently, lovingly tending to our garden.

SPEAKER_00 20:50

I love that. Yeah, you've got to have both at the end of the day. And I think that the closing advice or like words of encouragement would have to include being kind to yourself as you figure this out. Uh, it we didn't start drinking yesterday, likely if you are listening to this podcast, and shaping a life where you are in control of alcohol as opposed to it being in control of you is also not something that happens overnight or in one day. And so please, as you're as you're navigating this, as you're practicing using different kinds of switches to help yourself in the moment, and you're practicing figuring out what kind of seeds you want to plant and cultivate, um, do so with the loving compassion that you would extend to any stranger and that for some reason we find so hard to extend to ourselves.

SPEAKER_01 21:47

So true. So true. I love that. And one final thought is like with the switches, because we tend to not be in our thinking brain when it happens, like if we have a little thing on our note. On our phone where we just have a list of different switches we can employ. And then also spend some time on those seeds, like in a more quiet moment when you have not the urgency, but more of like a dreamy daydreamy. What would my what would I want to plant in my most beautiful, precious garden? And you know, there can be real joy in that exploration.

SPEAKER_00 22:21

Yeah, for sure. We would love for you to reach out to us and let us know uh which parts of this resonated with you or let us know what seeds that you're curious about cultivating in your own garden as you continue to move forward and build your big, beautiful, uh alcohol-free life. Until next time.

SPEAKER_02 22:42

Bye-bye, everybody.

SPEAKER_00 22:43

Thanks for listening to the Alcohol Myth Podcast.

SPEAKER_02 22:46

If this episode sparked something for you, we'd love to hear about it.

SPEAKER_00 22:49

Send your questions, stories, or ideas for future episodes to thealcoholmyth at gmail.com.

SPEAKER_02 22:56

We read every message. We really do.

SPEAKER_00 22:58

Take good care of yourself. We'll see you next time.