Late, Lost & Letting It Be

This episode is a real one.

I wasn’t in the headspace to talk about productivity, routines, or “optimizing” anything this week… so I didn’t.

I’m opening up about feeling off, being late on my cycle, the emotional rollercoaster that comes with it, and that uncomfortable feeling of falling behind.

This is your reminder that not every phase is meant to be productive. Sometimes you’re just meant to feel it, sit in it, and move through it.

New episodes every Friday — your weekly reset 🤍

Thanks so much for listening! If this episode resonated with you, make sure to subscribe and leave a review. New episodes drop every Tuesday morning, and you can follow me on Instagram @Stephanie_Monge to stay connected and come along for the journey.

Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:00

I may be self-sabotaging right now, but there's a part of me that just wants to pick up the mic right now and talk. Half of me is like, do it, and then the other half is like, this is not a good idea. Let me paint the picture for you. It's 9 p.m. I still have a couple things on my to-do list. I need to wake up early and I need to meal prep because I have a long weekend of a yoga teacher training ahead of me. I think I'm literally about to get my period and I'm so late for it. So I'm sure it's not gonna be good at all. I've been, I'm sure, like not a great person to be around because I have absolutely no energy. I'm starving, but here we are. My I have something to say. So let's just talk and we'll see where this goes. If anything, I'll scrap this episode. But I just felt like showing up so real, to be honest. I have been pretty behind on editing podcasts because it's just I went on vacation and the platform that I was using to edit, and also which is why another reason why I haven't done any video or had any guests on. Well, first of all, it's just taken me so much longer than I thought for myself to actually get used to speaking on a microphone and having, you know, enough to say and having valuable things to say. Like I want you guys to come to listen to if you're taking the time to listen to me, I want it to be worth your while. And so, you know, I've been being really intentional about it and not picking up the microphone when I'm not feeling like it, and then that messes with my schedule, obviously. And then yeah, just being intentional about what I'm talking about, making sure that it's educational to some extent. And then aside from that, I'm just gonna go on a bunch of tangent tangents right now, but aside from that, also just like the editing platform that I was using was taking up so much time. And so finally, yesterday, actually, I finally figured out what platform to use to edit properly for anyone that does any editing. I am using Final Cut Pro. I switched from iMovie to Final Cut Pro. So my time is got cut literally by like it takes me like a third of the time to do what was taking me so long. Like, I was editing yesterday for five hours so much that I was because I have three or four episodes that I am editing that need to go live for me to be on the track that I set for myself to not be stressed about it or scrambling last minute, and I edited for so long that I literally was editing in my sleep. I thought that I took hours to fall asleep last night, and my aura ring told me that I actually was asleep the whole time. I my brain was just awake because I was editing in my freaking sleep. But it was all worth my while because now the platform that I will be using, I can actually use it for YouTube if I do more YouTube videos. I can use it for when I do video on my podcast, which also will help me in turn because I can have guests on. I think I kind of don't really want to have guests on until I can do video. Whatever. It's just taken me longer to get the hang of all of this and still making sure that I'm, you know, pouring into other aspects of my career as well. But all of that to say that I have been editing a lot lately and listening to myself. And I feel like podcasting in the moment, I feel like whenever I'm done, I always feel like, oh, like, I don't know. The first couple of ones I felt really good about. And then after that, they always say that after the third or fourth episodes, it's kind of like when you lose your motivation, you feel like you don't have anything to talk about, which is why I started, I didn't launch my podcast until I was a month ahead already. Thank God I did that because yeah, now I'm recording and I'm like, wait, was this like worth your while? Did I give anything valuable? Like, I don't know if that was good. And I'm like questioning myself, but then I listen back to them and I'm like, wait, this is like this is good. I'm proud of myself. But in the moment it's always so awkward and I kind of don't know where to go. And I want to make sure that there are certain times, so then I feel pressure, and then I don't know. I I like just being able to kind of free flow sometimes, but also I want it to have a flow and make sense and and wrap up well and you know, all of these things as a creative and as someone that's you know putting myself really vulnerably out there. I also do want it to kind of circle back around. But listening back to episodes that were recorded almost a month ago, there's I don't know, it was just so interesting to listen back to parts where I would hear myself getting insecure and having to start sentences over again. I'm like, you were saying it so great. Like that was amazing. But the reason why I felt inspired to pick up the mic right now is because a lot of my episodes recently have been very much about productivity, optimizing life, and just you know, making the most out of mornings and wellness and very healthy and all of these things. And those are so great. And like I said, I want to create things that are of value, and that's the kind of content that I like to consume. But listening back to it while I'm in this headspace, I'm like, girl, shut up. Like, why are you listing me off all of these things? I'm not doing any of those things right now, and it was overwhelming me. And so I don't know, I guess I just wanted to pick up the mic and say, like, it's okay wherever you are. The most important thing is to meet yourself where you are and just know that even though I'm such a person that I really do love wellness, and when I'm in the right headspace, I love to strive and grow and optimize and do all of these things, but we are all human and it is not linear, it is up and down, and sometimes it's really high, and then sometimes it's really low. Sometimes you're at a steady increase, sometimes it's a steady decrease, and sometimes it's just a day that you feel low and three months that you feel great, and sometimes it's three months that you're feeling like it's just so different and everywhere, and so personalized to everyone. And yeah, I just wanted to make a point to kind of capture myself when I'm not feeling so motivated and so high, and just point out that it's also human and it's okay. I haven't worked out at all this week. I put something on my plate that I'm doing yen yoga training, which I'm really excited about and I'm really loving it. It's only two weekends, so I just did my first weekend. Tomorrow, Saturday, Sunday are the last weekend I finished on Sunday. So it's a pretty short and quick one, but I'm also like two weeks late for my period. So I'm been stuck in luteal with PMDD. That's you know, it happens sometimes, unfortunately, and I'm doing better than I have in the past. Usually, if this would roll around, I would get very depressed and not in a good headspace whatsoever. I'm still okay enough where I'm not like being super annoying to everyone around me. Like I'm I feel like I'm not acting like a brat and being rude or anything. I'm just like very low energy, so I'm not like my usual, like, you know, high self. And I just like really don't have much motivation for like anything right now. All I want to do is sleep. I actually slept like 13 hours on Monday. Like my body's just really, really fatigued. And especially being that literally the two weeks that I'm doing this yin yoga training, which like I said, I'm very excited about because I've I forgot that I actually wanted to do yin and sound. Like that was my whole point when I became a yoga instructor. That's the intention I went into being a yoga instructor to do. And I forgot about that. And Sydney reminded me of yin, and so I'm really happy that I'm doing it. I'm doing it with her and her mom, and it's been great, and I'm loving the program and everybody in it. And like I said, it's pretty quick, but I just, you know, it is still a huge time commitment. Seven hours for three days straight. It's taking me out of other projects and just time that I can be taking patience, and it's not close to me. So just the drive alone is time consuming too. But I'm very proud of myself for doing it, and I know it's gonna be worth my while, but yeah, I'm just struggling right now. I don't want to move my body, I don't feel like cooking anything. I came home, like I was today was so bad for me. Like, I think I'm literally gonna probably get it in my sleep tonight, but I thought I was gonna get it all day long, and I'm just like so exhausted, I had no energy, and like the day just like dragged. It was one of those days where it dragged on, but it also felt like it went by so fast too. Like I didn't have time for anything, and then I caught traffic on the way home, and I'm like scrambling so bad for some freaking cookie dough. Oh my god, all I wanted was cookie dough, and I get home and I ate all the cookies already. I've been eating cookies every day. No cookies, I have pimples everywhere, and then I'm like, oh my god, I want something. And I went to go. I have like Michael, my my boyfriend, bought a box of funions. And I always tell him when he brings home like junk food, like, why would you do this to me? Because I have no willpower. Like, if I have it at my house, I'm going to have it until it's gone. So I go to get the cookie does, no cookie dough. This box of funions, like, this was like a family pack of funions. I've been working through this for like three weeks. Actually, I think the other night I had two bags. My bad. I would have been able to have one today if I didn't do that. But when I tell you, I've literally been working through this bag for weeks, I go to grab the box and it's empty. It's freaking empty. So I'm like, oh my god. So then I go on TikTok for an hour and I'm shopping. I'm trying to find this bottega andyamo bag, but like the biggest one. If you would know, let me know. I got one from TikTok shop and it's so fire. So I'm trying to find another one on TikTok shop, but like the big one, because I want to fit my laptop. Like my laptop fits in this one, but like upright. And that's not, that's not really realistic for me to use every day. Anyways, totally besides the point. I don't even what was I even saying? Shit. Oh, that I was going on TikTok for like an hour, then randomly like trying to search for this bag. Like I needed that. So I'm like, look, I need to feel something literally. So bad. My worst addictions when I am this phase of my cycle is sugar, sleep, and shopping and socials. The four S's. Shit. Sugar, so bad, so bad. Yeah. Sleep. Yeah, I like to I sleep a lot, but like my body actually needs that one. At least that's what I tell myself. Shopping, yeah. I shop so bad. Like, that's all I want in socials. And they those two kind of go hand in hand. Cause then I'll be now you can shop, you get Fed ads on socials, but then also you can shop on the socials too. But then like you're scrolling on the socials, and then you see something that an influencer has, and then you like they didn't say what they had. So then you have to like scrounge the internet, Google image search, talk to chat GP. Am I the only one that does that? Like, if I I've always been like that. Like I started watching YouTube, I don't know, 14, 15. If I found something that I wanted, I would go the depths of the internet to find it. So yeah, I just wanted to share that. And I am like starving. It's 9:30. I'm like listening to this back to these episodes, and I'm like, go to sleep at 10, wake up at 6 and read and go to the gym and like all of these things, and it sounds so great. I'm like, good for you, babe, whatever. Like, good for you. Like, meanwhile, I woke up latest possible, didn't have time to eat breakfast. I'm finally making dinner now. I'm just like so not in that headspace and lifestyle right now. And yeah, I guess I just wanted to say that it's okay. We are all human, we are not perfect. And yeah, sometimes our days are just gonna be all over the place, sometimes our minds are gonna be all over the place. And yeah, I just wanted to shed some light on that and express it while I'm feeling it. Because I think a lot of times when we express it from a place of like, oh, I understand how you're feeling, and you know, I do this. Cause I I think when also listening back to the episodes, I think I did do a good job of saying, you know, this is what I'm striving for, you know, I'm not here yet. This is my ideal, things like that. I I did try and make a point to be realistic about where I actually am and not try and paint this perfect picture of, you know, something that's not my reality. But yeah, I guess just speaking from the place while actually being in it, I just yeah, I just wanted to shed some light on it. So I hope that this was okay with you. Random episodes spur the moment and not very positive at all. But I guess that's the whole point of my podcast, right? Barefaced and becoming. We're trying here, we're being vulnerable, we're showing all of the in-between stages and my pot stickers are ready. My pot stickers are ready. I don't know if you heard that, but that's my dinner tonight. I got some trade. I don't know why I was sleeping on Trader Joe's for so long. And I just forgot how convenient it is sometimes to have those easy meals in the freezer. So I gotta go now. Love you so much. Uh, you can follow me on Instagram at Stephanie underscore Mongi. New episodes every Tuesday. Um, yeah, thank you for holding space for me today for this random negative, realistic episode. Love you so much. I'll talk to you next week. Bye.