Contractor for chaos

What Even Is This… Anyways?

What this season is:

This season introduces a recurring short-story segment where I share spontaneous, real-life moments with no structure, no lessons, and no healing agenda—just stories as they happen, told voice-note style.

Why it exists:

• To keep the podcast light and fun
• To capture life’s random, unhinged moments
• To embrace ADHD storytelling as a feature, not a flaw

When it appears:

This segment pops up anytime when something random happens and needs to be said out loud.

In this episode 1, 

I tell the true story of how a man tried to hire me for violence. No lessons, no morals, just real-time thoughts, chaos, and a firm “absolutely not.”

Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:01

What's up, blue bandas? Wow, it's been a minute. Not even gonna lie. I've I've picked up this mic like five times trying to come back, and every single time I've overthought it. So today I said, you know what? We are not overthinking anything. Let's do it. So and just like that, I've pressed record and here we are. So I've missed this, truly, like really missed doing this. You guys know I enjoy talking on here. So life has been life, nothing dramatic, nothing crazy. I just needed a minute, and it ended up being longer than I had anticipated, but I'm here now, and today I felt like okay, I'm ready to come back, even if it's not as messy, but it's very random because honestly, that's what this pod is about, anyways. So we are easing back into it. No pressure, no big comeback speech, just one random thought at a time, just vibes and inshallah. And I'm actually starting a new little segment called What even is this, anyways? Or should we call it boom? And this is where I'll tell you like you know, like short stories from real life. Fresh, quick, random, sometimes unhinged, no structure, no lessons, no healing, just day-to-day. And uh yeah, so basically the kind of stories you'd send as voice notes in your group, girls' group chats, or your friends to your friends. And we'll be doing this whenever life catches me off guard, which is pretty often. So yeah, blue bandas, boom. Why these segments, truly, because life keeps happening, and some things are worth reporting and recording, and not all stories need morals of the stories or you know, learning curves, not everything is a lesson. Sometimes it may just be karma and to keep the pod light and fun, and honestly, just ADHD storytelling is my superpower, so stay with me as I go around in circles before I land the plan. Yeah, so this is actually where I remember it starting. So, so back in high school, oh, shout out to my girls from 2003. They don't make them like us, you know, the type. So one time I show up to school a whole day after opening day because priorities, I had other things and places to be. So uh at the time there was this telenovela style show. My mom watched religiously. It was from Mexico, I can't remember the name, but every evening after dinner, the whole house would gather around the TV watching that madness. I'm telling you, my childhood was basically scripted drama. So I get back to school and someone casually asks, Did you watch the show last night? And I go full report. I'm talking every single detail when he opened the door, how he got out, whether his hands were pocketed or dangling the car keys, how he walked to the house, opened the door, hugged his lover, removed the coat, hung it, every last thing. And the girls hooked, they just let me go. They gave me the time. I went through the entire episode. Oh my god. You know, just know my blue banders from high school 2003, you girls ruined me. So yeah. So boom, today, the 200-story contractor for chaos. So I'm just outside in my block, you know, smoking a blunt, minding my business, like truly not bothering anyone. This cup pulls past me, parks nearby, and a guy comes out and walks into a house just across the street. Cool. I'm like, whatever, nothing, you know, doesn't say anything, but parks too close for me to notice him. A few minutes later, he comes back, looks me dead in the eye, and goes, Yo, can I pay you 200 to go inside that house and slap a bitch? I'm looking past me like, is this guy really talking to me? Like shit, did I hear him right? I have my airpods in, so I check them out just to be sure. And then I'm looking over my shoulder again. He's looking at me. So I pause, I blink, he points at the house, and then like it's just a normal Wednesday, he flashes the 200, not in my first face, but enough for me to see it. Guys, true story. And then he goes, If I give you 200, will you go inside that house and slap a bitch? Uh, and then I'm like, hell no. So he's shocked, like, for 200 you wouldn't. And you know, I'm also just confused because I'm like, tell me more. Okay, so I'm joking, but anyway, so I said no. And so, but then honestly, my my mind, my brain was spinning. I'm like, okay, wait, is this how people go viral? Because in that moment, I'm like, what if I walk inside that house and there's a whole recording crew and you know, it goes south because the girl inside is crazier than me. She pulls my hair, you know, stretches my hairline. God, my mind is wilding. I'm thinking about, you know, uh my status, because you know, anything could go south. Anything could land me in whatever problems, a 40-year-old woman fighting a 20-year-old. And for with I don't even understand the reason for this fight. And maybe she would even whoop me because who said I could fight? So, anyways, guys. So I look at him and say no. And then uh then I start thinking, I should have asked him for 500, maybe a thousand. What price would you put to eat? Because then he went back inside and I finished my blunt, moved way across the street, and just kept staring and wondering, oh, so did she get out? Did she not? Because they couldn't slap her, that's why they needed to hire a contractor. And so, yeah, just a random Wednesday. Bye for now.